Disaster! Lines - Ben/Lisa

[B] Mom, relax, It's Professor ted Scheider. I read about him in Dynamite Magazine.

What are you doing in my dressing room/! Kids, run!

[B] Mommy! Mommy!

[All] Ah!

[B] Where are we?

[All] Ah! Ah!

[L] Yay! Mommy! I can see the sunrise!

[All] One, two, three!

[L] No time! The earthquake's almost here!

[C] Lifeboats? Hey, kid!

[B] I have to tell the captain to get all the lifeboats ready!

[C] What's the rush?

[B] Sorry mister!

[C] Woah!

[L] Daddy is coming back?

[J] Because tonight we may finally be a family again!

[B] Face it! We're never going to have a father who loves us!

[J] Ben!

[L] I do not!

[J] Ben!

[B] That baby went back to get her dolly!

[J] Ben! Where's your sister?

[B] Just tell me how to spell it!

[J] Ben! You know how to spell "night", and you can spell out "Sa-tur-day"

[B] Tony?

[J] Come on, kids. We just have to hang on until Tony comes and rescues us.

[B] Mom?

[J] DOIN' THE TOWN AND DOIN' IT RIGHT IN THE EVENIN' [TD] No way out.

[L] Mommy! For luck!

[J] I'' get him and bring him back, and we'll get off this ship.

[B] It sounds like it's too late.

[J] It's coming from over there.

[B] I'll get her!

[J] Lisa!

[B] She's too exhausted to speak.

[J] Lisa! You did that for your brother?

[L] My loose tooth finally came out!

[J] Lisa, oh my baby!

[L] Why does Ben get to have all the fun? I wanna tell the captain everyone's gonna die!

[J] Lisa, you stay here!

[L] I'm not in charge of him!

[J] Lisa... where's your brother... Where's Ben?!

[B] Don't you mean The bottom of the ship?

[J] No. Ben, what do you wanna say?

[B] I'll tell the captain!

[J] Not now, Ben!

[B] Look what I made with my Lite-Brite!

[J] Not now, Ben!

[B] That's the card room.

[J] Not now, Ben!

[B] That's the engine oom, that's the chief engineer's office, that's-

[J] Oh! It's the Barracuda!

[B] Fine! "What I Did This Weekend. I Had the absolute worst Sa-." Mom, how do you spell "Saturday night"?

[J] Perfect! Um, Ben, do your homework and forget the Lite-Brite.

[L] Why?

[J] Please stop, Lisa! Tonight's a very mportant night for us.

[B] What?

[J] S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y... night.

[L] Possibly?!

[J] Tony said that if everything goes perfectly tonight, he will ask me to mary him...possibly!

[B] Not anymore. She died on their honeymoon.

[J] Wait! I saw that at the pediatrician's office. You're married to Dr. Wo-Ching Lee, right?

[B] Are you here because a volcano's about to explode?

[J] Well, when life hands you lemons...

[L] The last one.

[J] Which daddy?

[B] Are you crazy? He hates me and Lisa.

[J] Would you rather call him Daddy?

[B] Lisa! Mommy says you look like Horshack!

[J] You and Lisa promised if I let you come you'd get along for one night!

[L] We don't look anything alike!

[J] You're twins! If she looks like Horshack, them so do you!

[B] Look out behind you! Just kidding.

[J] You- you dropped something [TD] *Jumps off beam*

[L] Why does the boat keep shaking?

[ME] *On stage drunk*

[L] Ma'am? Are you-

[ME] A strong, independent career woman. Single. By herself. All alone.

[L] Oh. Okay-

[ME] Absolutely not.

[L] Did anyone ever ask you to marry them?

[ME] BUT I FORGET HOW TO DREAM

[L] Ow!

[ME] BUT IT'S WISDOM BORN OF PAIN

[L] Eleven. And so is my stupid twin brother. He ripped Betsey Wetsey's head off!

[ME] How old are you?

[L] So you're not getting married 'cause of your career?

[ME] I AM STRONG, I AM INVINCIBLE, I AM WOMAN!

[L] You don't make a remark? Or he doesn't make a remark. Wait a minute... you both don't make a remark?????

[ME] I WALK BY, NO REMARK

[L] I'm Lisa.

[ME] I didn't feel anything.

[L] But my Mommy says family is the most important thing in the whole world.

[ME] No!

[L] A mother.

[ME] No! I mean a profession! A lawyer, a doctor...

[L] What else? A wife.

[ME] Now, I'm gonna ask you a question nobody asked me when I was a girl; what do you want to be when you grow up?

[L] Is there any other reason why you don't want to get married?

[ME] Right. My career. You are correct.

[L] What'd you say?

[ME] Sure did.

[L] Anyway...

[ME] YOU WANT TO MARRY ME, WE'LL MARY *Silence*

[L] Mommy!

[MY] Ah! Right there!

[L] He passed out. It's his diabetes.

[MY] Ben?!

[L] I don't care! We have to save him. Let's go!

[MY] But Lisa, the infirmary's all the way at the front of the ship.

[L] He's just hiding somewhere. Typical.

[MY] Don't worry, Lisa. Your mom will find Ben.

[L] Yes! And my Mommy has his insulin.

[MY] He has diabetes?

[L] Faster, everyone!

[MY] I think I see the informary! [SM] But the hallway-

[L] I'll do it! I'll carry him.

[MY] My arm... I can't carry him.

[L] We've got to get him there.

[MY] The infirmary should have some.

[L] He can't walk!

[S] Scumbag!

[L] Ben! He's here!

[S] Uh, I'm feeling a little chilly. This should keep me nice an toasty... (you damn son of a-)

[L] She said, "Sure, you damn crum-crusted, titty ass crap baker!"

[S] What did I just say?! [MY] I'm not sure...

[L] Yay!

[TD] And how 'bout some ice cream for you, Lisa?

[B] Yay?

[TD] And some diabetes-safe sugar-free ice milk for you, Ben.

[B] Professor Scheider?

[TD] He threw me off the ship! If he sees me, I'll never get to the captain!

[B] Watch for that hole!

[TD] I can do it. I learned how to balance in Romania when the Comenichi Dam collasped.

[B] Lisa!

[TD] I've got you. This way.

[B] Professor Scheider?

[TD] It's coming from directly beneath us.

[B] What does it sound like?

[TD] It's so large, the motor has to change gears once and then three times to get the blades to chocka chocka around.

[B] How can you tell?

[TD] It's the 467.

[B] Come on, Professor Sceider! You can do it!

[TD] Jackie, there's something bigger than me being afraid of heights. [J] Oh, Ted!

[All] One, two, three!

[TD] Lisa, you first!

[All] *Celebrate!*

[TD] Look! A rescue 'copter!

[B] Mom! I can see the sign! It says, "Welcome to New Jersey'.

[TD] Negative. The 'quake destroyed it.

[B] That's where the trash compactors are.

[TD] That was from two rooms over.

[B] The captain has the lifeboats ready!

[TD] We're running out of time!

[B] Mr. Delvelchio-

[TY] ...on the bottom of the ship [ME] I knew it!

[B] *crying* Mom! The Lite-Brite piees are lost in the shag carpeting.

[TY] Construction on the West Side Highway.

[B] Lisa carried me all the way here. She's my hero!

[TY] Found em'

[B] Mr. Delvechio?

[TY] Great. Get out there [J] Huh?

[B] I already do.

[TY] I know. And it feels great. Promise me you'll cry every day!

[B] Mom!

[TY] It's never on three. [TD] Jackie, look!

[B] Mommy, Lisa told me to "Sit on it!"

[TY] Jackie! You're on in two minutes! [J] Hey hey!

[B] Mr. Delvecchio... you're crying.

[TY] People, this man... ...this brave man saved my life. He's a hero!

[B] Mom! Lisa just called me a male shauvinist pig!

(Dressing room with Jackie and Ted 1)

[L] Yes, Mommy.

*Tremor*