Diversity in Human Relationships - Week 12

Cohabitation: Social Impact

Some suggest a "trial period" is a good idea Research shows that marriage involves a higher degree of commitment and stability than does cohabitation Over 90% of individuals will marry, many more than once

Helping Children Adjust to Divorce - Stability and Structure & Own Recovery

Stability and Structure •Routines •Rules, rewards and discipline •Enforce limits •Show affection Own Recovery •Exercise and healthy living •Connect with friends •Keep a journal •Focus on own values as you assert independence •Lean on select friends, not children •Engaging in meaningful activities •Seek professional help

Divorce Statistics

Statistics •Close to 40% of first marriages end in divorce •65% second marriages end in divorce •80 percent of divorcees remarry/re-partner within 3 years •Highest number of divorces granted between 40 and 44 years

Benefits of Good Marriages - Health

Health •Lower rates of illness •Fewer hospitalisations across life span •Lower rates of depression, schizophrenia and mental health problems overall among married sample as compared to single sample

Relationships

Healthy relationships are good for us and relationships take a conscious investment of our time and attention

Postponing Marriage

Males (1921) 24 (1981) 26 (2014) 31 Females (1981) 23 (2014) 29 The increased number of unmarried adults is partly due to men and women marrying later. The median age at first marriage has risen.

What is the solution to Divorce?

Before Marriage •Discuss and practice financial and household responsibilities •Discuss parenting options, preferences, approaches •Plan for both independent and mutual goals and activities •Premarital counseling •Educate children/teens about relationships and communication

Single life has changed

Changing cultural perceptions Changing technologies improve connection Access to wide variety of potential partners Not only through traditional routes "Bachelor and Spinsters Ball"

Benefits of Good Marriages - Children

Children •Stability, consistency in parenting practices •Meaning, purpose •Connection to values

Polygamy

Collectivist cultures more likely to practice polygamy Middle East and parts of Africa Religion of Islam allows a man to have up to four wives: personal wealth and ability to provide determines number of wives Fundamental Mormon sects Polyandry Unions between one woman and several men Collectivist cultures are more likely to practice polygamy - a marriage between one man and several women. Although it is unfamiliar to much of the Western world, polygamy has been the most common form of marriage across the ages, and it remains prevalent today in the Middle East and parts of Africa. The religion of Islam allows a man to have up to four wives; the man's personal wealth and his ability to provide for numerous wives usually determine how many he marries (Arusha, 2008). A study comparing Bedouin Arab wives in monogamous and polygamous marriages found that polygamy tended to negatively affect women: Women in polygamous marriages reported more depression, anxiety, and problems in family functioning and less self-esteem and marital satisfaction than did women in monogamous marriages

Helping Children Adjust to Divorce - Communication and Emotions

Communication and Emotions •Tell the truth •Communicate your love for them •Address changes before they happen •Show restraint •Present a united front •Amicable interactions •Plan your conversations •Listening and reassurance •Help children find words for their feelings •Let them be honest •Acknowledge their feelings •Be patient •Reassure them of your love for them

Consensual Extramarital

Consensual •Swinging - both partners have permission to have relationships with others •Negotiated boundaries between the couple •Issues of jealousy, possessiveness, love, lust Consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) occurs in marriages and relationships where both partners know about and agree to sexual involvements outside the couple (Rubel & Bogaert, 2014). Younger generations are most likely to question monogamy as an ideal. Swinging refers to a form of consensual sexual involvements that a married couple shares to expand sexual variety. The emphasis is on recreational, nonemotional sexual encounters (Megan, 2008). Couples do not have individual contact with outside partners but participate together at the same location-usually in suburban homes, at sex clubs, or sometimes at "conventions" for "adventures into sensual living'' with other couples (Nelson, 2010). The most common reasons given for engaging in swinging activities were sexual variety, seeing one's partner be sexual with others, and fantasy fulfillment (Bentzen & Traeen, 2014). Polyamory •Multiple loving consensual relationships Polyamory is a term many people use to describe a specific type of multiple consensual relationships. Polyamorists distinguish their relationships from other nonmonogamous relationships by their emphasis on emotional commitment in multiple sexual relationships

Sexuality and Aging - Factors that maintain activity

Factors that maintain activity •Prior interest in sexual activity •Regularity of sexual activity •Good physical health •Expanding repertoire •Goal focused to pleasure focused activities Research has consistently revealed a close correlation between the level of a person's sexual activity in early adulthood and his or her sexual activity in later years Lifelong consistent sexual activity may reflect an overall higher sex drive and positive attitudes toward sexuality, since both are significant influences on sexual desire and response. Typically the most crucial factor influencing sexual activity in older adulthood is health. Poor health and illness have a greater effect on sexual functioning than does age itself. Besides contributing to general and sexual health, regular physical exercise, a healthy diet and weight, and light or no alcohol use help maintain sexual desire and response. Openness to experimenting with and developing new sexual strategies with a supportive partner is instrumental in continuing sexual satisfaction. As we age, our body functions differently and therefore different techniques or instruments may be necessary to maintain sexual pleasure.

Benefits of Good Marriages - Financial Security

Financial Security •Two incomes, budget and saving focus •Spending reflects different investment strategies

Nonconsensual Extramarital

Incidence 60% men 45 % women admit to affair sometime during marriage Among the most common reason cited for relationship break down Three types of affair 1. Emotional involvement 2. Sexual involvement 3. Combined type In nonconsensual extramarital sex a married person engages in a sexual relationship outside the marriage, without the consent (or, presumably, the knowledge) of his or her spouse. Affairs vary from one-night stands to deep emotional involvements. It is difficult to determine accurately how many people have affairs because people may be reluctant to admit to an affair, even for research. For example, a study of almost 5,000 married women found that in face-to-face interviews, 1 % of the women said that they had been unfaithful to their husbands in the last year, but with the anonymity of a computer questionnaire, 6% of the same group of women answered yes to this question.

Adjusting to Divorce

Initial experiences vary depending on relationship and role •Typically Loss, sadness •Shock, disorganization, volatile emotions •Grief response: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance •Partner initiating separation may find adjustment a little easier as adjustment process began earlier •Over time most report a transition from grief to acceptance •Most resume dating and sexual activity within 12 months to 3 years •Counselling and self growth often ease process The Up Side •Reentry into new relationships shows faith in love and value of interpersonal connections •May provide an opportunity for reassessment of life direction and commence period of personal growth

Benefits of Good Marriages - Integrated Support System

Integrated Support System •Sense of belonging •Mutual empathy Love based marriages promise regular companionship, involvement, parenting options Married people in this 2009 sample more likely to report that they were happy, physically and psychologically healthy (as compared with single individuals in the sample) Distressed marriages were the exception with greater health risks, risk to physical and emotional well being in relationships described by partners as unsatisfactory

Benefits of Good Marriages - Life Satisfaction

Life Satisfaction •Statements selected by married participants reflected more hopeful, perceptions of life •"I have a happy life" •40% married participants vs. 12% single participants

Benefits of Good Marriages

Life Span •Men 10 years longer Women 4 years longer 2009 US study: 14,000 single, 14,000 married individuals

Individualist Cultures

Love based unions Stress individual goals and desires over family interests Canada, Europe, Australia, Brazil, USA Courtship period precedes wedding Ceremonial engagement and wedding reception rituals apply Religious and civil ceremonies selected by couples to suit their needs In contrast to collectivist cultures, individualist cultures, such as those of Canada, Europe, Australia, "European" Brazil, and the United States, stress individual desires and goals over family interests (Lykes & Kemmelmeier, 2014). People in individualist cultures place considerably more emphasis on feelings of love as a basis for marriage than do people in collectivist cultures.

Q: Why do people still marry?

Marriage is an ever-changing institution found in virtually every society. It has traditionally served several functions for society and individuals: Marriage typically provides: -stable family units, in which children acquire knowledge about their society's rules and mores through the teachings of their married parents or kinship groups -functions as an economic partnership that integrates child rearing, performance of household tasks, and earning an income into one family unit -marriage defines inheritance rights to family property. For thousands of years, marriage has been about property and politics instead of personal happiness and love. Arranged marriage prevailed in Europe before the 19th century. Parents in elite classes arranged their children's marriages to develop alliances between families, consolidate wealth and political power, and even maintain peace between countries. Marriage in lower classes was also an economic arrangement; building a labor pool of children and combining skills, resources, and helpful in-laws were primary considerations (Coontz, 2005). Our concept of modern marriage for love and satisfaction emerged only a couple of hundred years ago (Haisha, 2014).

Single Living

Remaining single increasingly prominent lifestyle Compared with 1970, four times the men and women between 30 and 34 have never been married Single adults comprise 45% of adult population Remaining single instead of marrying or living together, or following divorce, has become an increasingly prominent lifestyle in the United States. Census data from 2012 show that 1 in 4 households had a single person, compared to 1 in 6 in 1970. A recent survey found that 55% of unmarried individuals said they were not looking for a committed relationship. For individuals who are single after a divorce, 45% say they do not want to marry again, 31 % are not sure, and the smallest group, 21 %, say that they would like to marry again

Sex and Marriage

Satisfied couples in long term relationships: •Counted partner as best friend •Regularly shared activities •Planned together for the future •Believed "their friendship and relationship grew stronger over time"

Benefits of Good Marriages - Sexual Satisfaction

Sexual Satisfaction •Safety, familiarity, frequency •Knowledge of partner, attachment, intimacy built on familiarity •Married individuals reported higher frequency of sexual activity •Single individuals reported greater novelty in sexual practices

Physical Benefits of Sexuality in the Adult Years

Stress Reduction •Regular sexual expression, boots immune cell production, reduces physical and emotional stress and helps fight illness Heart •Lovemaking is good aerobic exercise •Sexually active people suffer fewer heart attacks Foreplay and intercourse •Can burn between 150-550 calories •Sexual activity correlated with increased general physical output Pain Relief •Endorphins released during orgasm •Minor/moderate pain relief Cancer Prevention •Studies in particular show orgasm in females releases Oxytocin and this hormone may help prevent breast cancer tissue cells from developing tumour •In men, ejaculation keeps the prostate healthy and helps prevent prostate cancer by halting the build up of carcinogens Psychological Well Being • Neurochemicals released from orgasm and the sensation of touch help alleviate mild depression •Hormones released during the sexual arousal response ease our fears and anxieties, and provide a sense of calm and wellbeing •Can also actually remedy mild to moderate head aches Sexologists recommend that couples move away from the model of sex as a "orgasm focused sport" and embrace the notion of sex as a broader concept and opportunity to connect The average Australian couple watch over 20 hours of TV a week and engage in less than 20 minutes of sex a week Benefits of sexual activity... outlined in this 2006 study

Mosuo Society - Matriarchal Society

The Mosuo society is a matriarchal society where women hold power and make decisions, and they have a unique marriage arrangement called "walking marriage" where men visit women's houses overnight but return to their own homes in the morning. In a remote part of China, on the shore of a lake at a high altitude, surrounded by towering mountains, the Mosuo society has one of the most unusual marriage arrangements in the world. This ancient matriarchal society of about 50,000 people has lasted nearly 2,000 years and thrives today. Because of their isolated location, the Mosuo people have been successful in resisting the imposition of patriarchal family traditions common in other parts of China. Since the society is a matriarchy, women carry the family name and govern the economic and social affairs of the extended family. All of the sons and daughters of each woman live their entire lives together in their mother's house. After an initiation ceremony into adulthood at age 13, each girl is given her own room in the family house. There she can welcome lovers of her choice to come in the evening and stay overnight with her. Each dawn, her lover returns to his own mother's home, where he lives. This tradition is called "walking marriage" because men walk to women's houses to be with them overnight. A woman initiates a walking marriage by a glance or a special touch on the palm of her chosen's hand. Men never initiate, but they can decline an invitation. When a Mosuo woman becomes pregnant and bears a child, the child stays in the family house of the woman's mother. The woman's brothers help raise their sister's children. The biological father assumes no fathering role except for his sisters' children. The only reasons men and women get together are for love and sexual intimacy, not for child rearing. Therefore, walking marr

Internet Dating

www.match.com (1995) Each month 40% single adults visit dating sites •Higher income, higher educated singles largest demographic •Professional individuals with little time to meet potential partners •Fastest growing market, is for singles in over 50's demographic • •91 million people use dating apps •7/10 of these are between 16 and 34 years •2013 study 59% respondents reported that online is a good way to meet a potential partner •A female who adds a full body selfie to profile receives 203% more messages, than those who feature a head shot only •Most women prefer to wait 1-2 years before moving in, men prefer to move faster (6-12 months) Social channels and expectations of connection have changed significantly in last 100 years More than 1,000 Internet sites in the United States designed for singles to connect with one another have greatly altered the "singles scene:' Each month, more than 40% of single adults in the United States visit dating sites , and it is the most common place where singles connect for a first date. Of single individuals, 31 % met their last date online, 25% connected through a friend, and 6% met in a bar or club . The largest demographic group using these sites consists of higher-income, college-educated individuals, but the fastest-growing segment of Internet dating traffic is the 50-and older population. Match.com was the first large singles dating site, started in 1995. Love based unions a relatively new phenomena Serial monogamy and cohabitation and divorce are now perceived differently

Friends with Benefits

•60% single adults involved in FWB relationships •Most men and women view these relationships positively •Men more positive about FWB than women over time •Females more likely to focus on friendship, males more likely to focus on benefits •Developing attraction to FWB partner cited by females as 2x more problematic than for males •1 in 3 remain friends after benefits stop •10-20% evolve into a long-term relationship (2014) Friends with benefits" relationships (FWBRs) Sexual interaction between friends who do not define their relationship as romantic. They are relationships with a blend of friendship and physical intimacy outside a committed romantic relationship. Researchers found that most women and men had more positive than negative emotional reactions to their FWB relationships, although men were even more positive about FWB relationships than women were

One Night Stands

•81% men, 54% women enjoy the experience •Women twice more likely than men to say they had regrets about one •Dating apps make this an easier option than recruiting a casual partner through a hook up Individuals who are single choose to meet their sexual needs through one night stands.

Sexuality in the Adult Years

•Aging is perceived as a sexless time •Media driven evaluations of beauty and sexuality •Sexuality can actually improve in later life •Research (adults over 60) - 61% said that their sex life today was either as or more physically satisfying than in their 40s We have seen that our society tends to perceive the older years as a time when sexuality no longer has a place in people's lives. What does research show about the reality of sexuality among older people in our own society:' For many older adults sexuality is part of what makes their lives full and rich. In fact, research indicates that sexual interest and activity continue as a natural part of aging. For some, sexuality can actually improve in later life. Of a representative sample of adults over age 60, 61 % of those who were sexually active said that their sex life today was either the same as or more physically satisfying than it was when they were in their 40s (Dunn & Cutler, 2000).

Collectivist Cultures

•Arranged marriages before 19th century served purposes of developing alliances, consolidating political power and wealth, maintaining peace •Not until end of 1700s did personal choice based on love replace "family interests" as the "ideal" basis of marriage •Contemporary India, Pakistan, Thailand, Philippines, Middle East, Asia, Africa •Emphasise group (collective) goals over individual aspirations - Marriage unites two families Scientists who study cultures have identified two opposing characteristics that differentiate cultures from each other: collectivism and individualism. Collectivist cultures-such as those of contemporary India, Pakistan, Thailand, the Philippines, the Middle East, and other parts of Asia and Africa-emphasize group, or collective, goals over individual aspirations. In such cultures the primary purpose of marriage is to unite families rather than just two people. Parents in collectivist cultures often arrange the marriages of their children (Allendorf, 2013). For example, in contemporary India 90% of marriages are arranged (Cullen & Masters, 2008). Individuals are expected not to put their own feelings for someone above the more important commitments to the needs of family, community, or religion. As more families from collectivist cultures have immigrated to Western countries, tradition bound parents may coerce young women into unwanted arranged marriages.

Marriage

•Discrepancy between ideal and actual marriage practices •Love myths - unrealistic expectations of financial, social, sexual and emotional fulfillment •Assumption of "automatic happiness" The Big Four Myth 1.The Perfect Partner 2.We are incomplete 3.Happily Ever After 4.Everlasting Love •Fewer support networks for marriage than in past •Larger, less familiar community •Longer life expectancy •Longer periods of single life prior to marriage •Stronger sense of independence •Higher expectations that relationship will bring fulfillment •Lower tolerance for situations that do not bring fulfilment

What are the explanations for high / increasing divorce rates.

•No-fault divorce laws •Reduction in social stigma •Increasing expectations for marital and sexual fulfillment (love traps) •Women's economic independence •Diminished religious influence •Diminished expectation that the union will last a lifetime What are the explanations for high / increasing divorce rates. 1. One cause is the comparative ease of obtaining no-fault divorces since the liberalization of divorce laws in the 1970s. Obtaining a divorce has become a simpler, less expensive legal process 2. Also as divorces have occurred more often, the social stigma of divorce has lessened. 3. A frequently mentioned cause is increased expectations for marital and sexual fulfillment, which have caused people to be less willing to persist in unsatisfying marriages. 4. The increased economic independence of women (in 2012 women earned more than their husbands in over 38% of marriages [Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2014]), which increases the importance of relationship satisfaction over financial dependence in women's decisions to divorce. 5. diminished religious influence and less expectation that marriage is an everlasting union.

Cohabitation

•Same or other sex couple living in the same household in a committed relationship but not legally married •Less traditional gender roles, less desire to have children, and more equity in household tasks •Avoid financial costs of divorce and/or remarriage •Statistically a short-term arrangement (2-5) In the past few decades both the number of people choosing cohabitation (living together in a sexual relationship without being married) and societal acceptance of what was once an unconventional practice have increased significantly. Census figures reveal that by 2012 about 7.8 million unmarried heterosexual couples were living together in the United States, compared to 2.9 million in 1996 (Benjamin-Guzzo, 2014). The most common reasons people give for deciding to cohabit are to spend more time together, for convenience, to evaluate compatibility, and to share expenses (Huang et al., 2011). Sharing living expenses has become more important during the current economic challenges in the United States and may be a significant factor in the increase in cohabitation. Men and women with low incomes have the greatest percentages of increases in cohabitation and tend to live together for longer periods of time (Rettner, 2014). Those without a high school diploma or GED are more likely to cohabit than individuals with more education (Wang & Parker, 2014). Education level also affects how soon a dating couple will move in together. On average, women with less than a college education cohabit after dating men for 6 months, and college-educated women date men for 14 months before sharing a household (Luscombe, 2014).