English Passages
"I wish," she said, "that, in God's name, there spring up penises galore over your body, aft and fore! On face, arms, sides, from head to foot, may countless penises take root, and let them not be limp or slack: Let each be furnished with its sack, and let them stand stiff and upright! Now, won't you be a horny sight!"
4 wishes
The third one next hastened to add and asked him, "Can you guess, sir, pray, the thing I have in mind to say? Since it were right by reason's laws that if the c word for any cause should happen to be too obstructed to answer promptly as instructed, the a hole should speak in its place, no matter what shame or disgrace may come of it, once you have called." When the knight heats this, he's appalled and thinks they mock him and mislead him and to no purpose would impede him.
The Knight Who Made C words Talk"
You've acted like a worthy man and gave us our lives back again, generously came to our aid, and I'll make sure you're well repaid. Be sure my gift will never cease. Whenever you go any place, everyone will seek to please you and be elated when they see you, and all will give you for your own just about everything they own. Never again will you know need." "This is a noble gift indeed, my lady, thank you," says the knight.
The Knight Who Made C words Talk"
"The land is so well distributed that each city has at least twenty miles of it on every side, and on some sides more, where the towns are farther apart. No town has any desire to extend its territory, for its citizens consider themselves to be cultivators, not owners, of what they hold. Everywhere in the country they have provided, at suitable distances from each other, farmhouses well equipped with farming tools. These are inhabited by citizens who come in succession to live there."
Utopia, More
"That makes two wishes thrown away, and now you must use one to fix us and remove these c words and pricks, You'll still have one left out of four, and we'll be rich forevermore." The peasant wishes thereupon that all their c words and pricks were gone, but she was anything but cheered to find her c words had disappeared, and he, too, had an awful shock to find himself without a pee-pee. Both of them were extremely wroth. "Husband, it's time to make the fourth wish we have left to us," said she; one prick for you, one c word for me. We'll return to our former state no poorer off; at any rate." He wished the wish that still remained; and thus he neither lost nor gained: he got his prick back at the cost of the four wishes, which he lost
4 wishes
"This fabliau clearly explains that a man doesn't use his brains when his wife's judgment sways his views. Calamity often ensues.
4 wishes
At once the c word s start to arise. A pair appears before her eyes, four on her forehead in a row, and c word s above, and c word s below, and c words behind, and c words in front, every variety of c word— bent c words, straight c word s, c words gray and hoary, c words without hair, c word s thick and furry, and virgin c words, narrow and tight, wide, gaping c words, and c words made right, c wordss large and small, oval and round, deep c words, and c words raised on a mound, c words on her head, c words on her feet ... the peasant's joy is now complete.
4 wishes
The peasant said, ''I'm not amused. Three wishes more are yet unused. I wish," the fellow said at once, "that you had just as many c word on you as I have pricks on me. May your c word pop out rapidly!"
4 wishes
Then as the woman spoke, hundreds of pricks began to poke out all over. Penises grew around his nose and his mouth, too. Some pricks were thick, some oversized, some long, some short, some circumcised, curved pricks, straight pricks, pointed and hardy... every bone in the peasant's body was miraculously endowed and prickled, fully cocked and proud. You've never heard wonders like these! Pricks grew out of his ears, and he's amidst his forehead, standing tall, the most enormous prick of all, and right down to his feet he's coated with penises erect and bloated. From toe to crown he was bedecked with antlers, bloated and erect. Weighed down by penis upon penis
4 wishes
"Jakke Carter prayes yowe alle that ye make a gode ende of that ye have begunnen, and doth wele and ay bettur and bettur, for at the evyn men heryth the day. For if the ende be wele, than is alle wele. Lat Peres the Plowman my brother duelle at home and dyght us corne, and I will go with yowe and helpe that I may to dyghte youre mete and youre drynke, that ye none fayle. Lokke that Hobbe Robbyoure be wele chastysed for lesyng of youre grace; for ye have gret nede to take God with yowe in alle youre dedes. For nowe is tyme to be ware
Addresses of the Commons, 14-20, Piers Plowman
"Jakke Trewman doth you to understande that falsnes and gyle have regned to long, and trewthe hat bene sette under a lokke, and falsnes regneth in every flokke. No man may come trewthe to, bot he syng si dedero. Speke, spende and spede, quoth Jon of Banthon, and therefore synne fareth as wilde flode, trew love is away, that was so gode, and clerkus for welthe worche hem wo. God do bote, for nowghe is tyme.
Addresses to the Commons
There's trouble waiting for him there. His wife, the one who wears the pants, lit into him: "What evil chance brings you home now, oaf? Did you quit work 'cause it's clouded up a bit? You've hours of daylight left for tilling. Or is your paunch in need of filling? Are you afraid you'll miss your chow? You've never taken to the plow, no—life for you is one big lark! We may as well sell off the stock, since you won't work them anyway! See what you call a working dayyou're back when you have scarcely gone
Four Wishes of Saint Martin
Don't be upset, my love, keep calm," the peasant said. "Our fortune's made! Henceforth our burdens may be laid aside, of that much I am certain, because I met up with Saint Martin. He gave me four wishes to use as I thought best. I've yet to choose; I meant first to consult with you, and as you advise me to do, I now intend to make my wishes for gold and silver, land and riches
Four wishes of Saint Martin
The peasant set out on a certain morning, as was his wont, to plow. He'll not forget Saint Martin now. 'Saint Martin!' He cried out, 'Geeyup!' and that's when Saint Martin showed up. 'Peasant,' he said, 'you have been loyal to me, and never start to toil, no matter what your task may be, without first calling upon me. You have well earned my special favor. Now leave your harrow, drop your labor, and get you home with a light heart, for I will truly do my part and herewith promise I will grant whatever four wishes you want, but use your wishes wisely, for once they've been used, you'll get no more
Four wishes of Saint Martin
"My dearest, sweetest love," said she, "my heart is yours eternally, to love and serve you hand and foot. You should repay me good for good. I ask you, please, to let me have one of the wishes the saint gave. You still will have the other three, and you will have done right by me." Hush," he replied, "my darling wife! I wouldn't, no, not on my life, for women all have addled brains. Why, you might ask to have three skeins of hemp or wool or linen thread!"
Four wishes of saint martin
I remember Saint Martin said that I should wisely use my wishes and only wish for something such as will benefit us evermore, so I intend to use all four. Know that I'm mortally afraid, if I gave you one, that instead you'd wish for something that might do untold harm to both me and you. If you should wish I was a bear or jackass, or a goat or mare, I would become one on the spot. I know how much you love me: not."
Four wishes of st martin
"Now listen while I tell about what happened once in Lombardy, a land not known for bravery, about a knight who took in marriage a well-born lady of the peerage and heiress to a fief, I own, though he was just a peasant's son. His father lent money for gain, was rich in wine and rich in grain, cattle and sheep, and had a stash of heaps and bushels full of cash."
Long B u t t h o l e Berengier
"So in debt to him was her father that he could not repay him; rather, he wed his daughter to the lad. Thus many noble lines go bad and are undone and end in shame, and all those barons are to blame who wed for wealth below their station. Great harm comes from this situation, so shame on them! The knights who're born of such a union, base, forsworn, craven, live for gold, silver, greed, and never do a knightly deed. When noble blood is bastardized free, honest living is despised and worth and honor soon die out."
Long B u t t h o l e Berengier
"Johan the Mullere hath ygrounde smal, smal, smal; The Kynges sone of hevene schal paye for al. Be war or ye be wo; Knoweth your freend fro your foo. Haveth ynow, and seith "Hoo!"
Letter of John Ball, Piers Plowman
...she reminds him of her race, so very rich in worthy knights and weapons, steeds, and valiant fights: "How I despise an idle life!" The scoundrel understood his wife and knew at whom her words were aimed. "Lady," says he, "I am so famed that no one in your family can equal me in bravery, in valor or in knightly worth. No slouch am I! No man on earth can stand against me and prevail, you'll see tomorrow without fail, because it's my intent to show my worth. Should I meet any foe who out of envy dares defy me, with life intact none will get by me, for I'll cause such blood to be shed that each will surely lose his head. Like it or not, they all must die."
Long B u t t h o l e Berengier
Perversely, to the peasant's son the baron had his daughter plighted and by his own hand had him knighted. He led her home, and there they stayed together some ten years, it's said. He loved his comforts best on earth; of knightly deeds, honor, and worth he didn't even think to dream; pastries he loved, and hot egg cream, and scorned all those of lesser means. The lady very quickly gleans her husband's merit is so slim there's never been one worse than him when it comes to the use of arms. He'd much sooner sleep in the barn than ever wield a lance or sword, and thus the lady is assured, since all he does is boast, that he is not of knightly pedigree and all his forebears must be base.
Long B u t t h o l e Berengier
Of eighteteene yeer she was of age. Jalous he was and heeld hire narwe in cage, For she was yong and wylde and he was old and demed hymself been lik a cokewold. ... Fair was this yonge wyf and therwithal as any wezele hir body gent and smal. ...She was ful moore blisful on to see Than is the newe perejonette tree And softer than the wolle is of a wether. ...Ther nas no man so wys that koude thence So gay a popelote or swich a wenche. ...But of hir song, it was as loude and yerne As any swalwe sittynge on a berne. Therto she koude skippe and make game As any kyde or calf folwynge his dame. Hir mouth was sweete as bragot of the meeth Or hoord of apples leyd in hey of heeth. Wynsynge she was as is a joly colt. ... she was a prymerole, a piggesnye For any lord to leggen in his bedde
Miller's Tale Caucer
Of eighteteene yeer she was of age. Jalous he was and heeld hire narwe in cage, For she was yong and wylde and he was old and demed hymself been lik a cokewold. ... and sikerly she hadde a likerous eye. (3223-3244) She was so proper and sweete and likerous
Miller's Tale Caucer
Whilom ther was dwellynge at Oxenford a riche gnof that gestes heeld to bord, and of his craft he was a carpenter. (3187-3189) With hym ther was dwellynge a povre scoler hadde lerned art, but al his fantasye Was turned for to lerne astrologye. (3190-3192) This carpenter hadde wedded newe a wyf Which that he lovede moore than his lyf. Of eighteteene yeer she was of age.
Miller's Tale Caucer
Whilom ther was dwellynge at Oxenford a riche gnof that gestes heeld to bord, and of his craft he was a carpenter. (3187-3189) ... This carpenter hadde wedded newe a wyf Which that he lovede moore than his lyf. Of eighteteene yeer she was of age. Jalous he was and heeld hire narwe in cage, For she was yong and wylde and he was old and demed hymself been lik a cokewold. he knew nat Catoun, for his wit was rude, That bad man sholde wedde his simylitude. Men sholde wedden after hire estaat. For youthe and elde is often at debaat. (3221-3230)
Miller's Tale Caucer
[He] koude a certeyn of conclusiouns To demen by interrogaciouns If that men asked hym in certein houres Whan that men sholde have droghte or elles shoures Or if men asked hym what sholde bifalle Of every thyng. I may nat rekene hem all. This clerk was cleped hende Nicholas. Of deerne love he koude and of solas, and therto he was sleigh and ful privee and lyk a mayden meke for to see. (3193-3202) A chambre hadde he in that hostelrye, allone withouten any compaignye. Ful fetisly ydight with herbes swoote, and he hymself as swete as is the roote Of lycorys or any cetewale. his Almageste and bookes grete and smale, his astrelabie longynge for his art, hise augrym stones layen faire apart On shelves couched at his beddes heed, his presse ycovered with a faldyng reed, and al above ther lay a gay sautrie. On which he made a nyghtes melodie so swetely that al the chambre rong. ... and thus this sweete clerk his tyme spente after his freendes fyndyng and his rente.
Miller's Tale caucer
Johon Schep, som tyme Seynte Marie prest of York, and now of Colchestre, greteth wel Johan Nameles, and Johan the Mullere, and Johon Cartere, and biddeth hem that thei bee war of gyle in borugh, and stondeth togidre in Godes name, and biddeth Peres Ploughman go to his werk, and chastise wel Hobbe the Robbere, and taketh with yow Johan Trewman and alle hiis felawes, and no mo, and loke schappe you to on heved, and no mo. Johan the Mullere hath ygrounde smal, smal, smal; The Kynges sone of hevene schal paye for al. 1 Be war or ye be wo; Knoweth your freend fro your foo. Haveth ynow, and seith "Hoo!" And do wel and bettre, and fleth synne, And seketh pees, and hold you therinne
Piers Plowman, Letters of John Ball (Royal MS)
"Whan Adam dalf, and Eve span, Wo was thanne a gentilman"
Sermon of John Ball, Piers Plowman
"Nor is the gift I'll make you slight," the second lady says in turn. "Whatever way your path may turn, every woman and female beast who've in their heads two eyes apiece whom you meet, if you call, their c words will have to answer you at once. Forever this will be your lot, and you may be sure there is not a king or count can do the same."
The Knight Who Made C words Talk"
"Now speak up, Mr. C word, because I'm curious to know the cause that brought your lady here to me." My lord," her c word said, "certainly. Know that the countess sent her here to pleasure you and give you cheer. From you there's nothing I would hide," When she heard how her c word replied, the maid was filled with untold dread and jumped up un clothed out of bed and, clutching only her chemise, takes to her heels, and off she flees to where her mistress takes her rest. Her heart was trembling in her milkers
The Knight Who Made C words Talk
The count said to his spouse, "Undo it! You'd better go remove the cloth,'' She must obey, however loth, and rid her c word of what she'd stowed inside. She emptied out the load of force-fed cotton, which she took out of her c word using a hook, and then returned to the great hall. As for her bet, she's lost it all, she knows; it was a foolish stunt. The knight again spoke to her c word and asked it if it would not say why it did not speak right away. "I couldn't," C word said; "I was jammed with cotton, which my lady crammed inside me, and that's why, my lord.'' (568-583) When the count heard this, he guffawed, and all the knights were laughing, too, They told the countess it was true she'd lost her bet, to make an end, and treat the knight like a good friend. She did so, and no more delayed, and thus the forty pounds were paid which over some years gradually she'd saved through wise economy, and he received his winnings gladly because he needed money badly. Henceforth his fortune was assured because so long as he endured he had prestige throughout the earth.
The Knight Who Made C words Talk
The count, too, couldn't wait to greet him and gave the knight a warm embrace, kissing him squarely on the face, nor did his wife her kisses spare. (Were not the count, her husband there she would have given him a score. Because of him she won't give more.) (338-344) There all alone he takes his rest, but before long she thought it best to call one of her maids-in-waiting with charms beyond enumerating. She told her secretly, "My friend, if you are willing, go and spend, for company and for delight, this night in bed with that same knight whose coming made us all so glad. Go lie beside him all unclad and serve him if he feels the need. I would have gone myself, indeed, nor would shame make me stay away, but with my husband there's no way, because the count is still awake."
The Knight Who Made C words Talk
The countess, sober and well-bred, has this to add to what she's said: "Sir knight, however this thing goes, I have a wager to propose, and forty pounds I'll gladly bet my c word would never so forget itself to speak to you one word." The knight responds to what he's heard "Lady, may God lead me aright, if I had forty pounds, all right, I'd bet them. Make my horse the stake, and if I lose, you're free to take my harness, too. That's all I've got. Assess the value of the lot." (477-490) Thus was the wager fixed and closed, and then the countess quickly rose and straight up to her room she went. Listen! I'll tell you her intent. A basket full of cotton wad she took, and plugged her c word up hard till the hole was completely choked; with her right fist she pushed and poked and stuffed inside at least a pound. There's no way C word can make a sound; it's all clogged up. Unless it's freed, the knight will lose both arms and steed; he's doing well if he can win.
The Knight Who Made C words Talk
Then they came to a citadel handsomely built and strong as well. Why should I lengthen my account? There in the castle dwelt a count; the countess, too, was there his wife— courtly refinement ruled her life— and clerics and a slew of vassals who'd come together at the castle in friendship and cooperation for company and recreation. While they were occupied at play, the knight came riding by their way, who could make c words burst into speech.
The Knight Who Made C words Talk
"A layman, who happened to be there and was learned in the laws of your country, took some occasion to launch into a precise encomium of the severe punishments that were then meted out to thieves. They were executed everywhere, he said, with as many as twenty being hanged on one gallows at a time. With so few escaping execution, he wondered by what bad luck they still so infested the country. Being free to speak my mind in front of the Cardinal, I said, 'You need not wonder; for this manner of punishing thieves goes beyond justice and is not in the public interest. It is both too harsh a penalty for theft and an insufficient deterrent. For theft is not so hideous a crime that it should cost someone his life, and no punishment, however great, will deter that man from stealing, who has no other means of getting food."
Utopia, More
"After Peter finished his story, I thanked him for his kindness in going to such lengths to introduce me to one whose conversation he hoped would give me pleasure; then I turned to Raphael. We greeted each other, exchanging the civilities that commonly pass at the first meeting of strangers, and then went off to my house, where we sat down to talk in the garden, on a bench covered with turves of grass." (7)
Utopia, More
"As soon as war is declared, they arrange for posters carrying their official seal to be put up simultaneously in the most prominent spots of the enemy's territory. These promise large rewards to anyone who assassinates the enemy leader and smaller but still considerable sums for the heads of those named on the same posters, these being men whom, next to the leader himself, they hold responsible for the hostilities against them. Whatever reward they offer to anyone who kills one of these people they double for whoever brings one in alive. Indeed, they even offer the same rewards, with a guarantee of personal safety, to those whose names appear on the poster and who turn against their fellows. So before long their enemies suspect everyone else; among themselves, no one trusts or remains loyal to any other, and everyone is in a state of utter panic and real danger. It is known to happen that most of them, beginning with the king himself, are betrayed by those in whom they placed most trust—so easily do bribes incite men to commit any crime." (43)
Utopia, More
"Because a city consists of families, the households for the most part consist of those related by blood, although women, when they arrive at maturity and get married, go live in their husbands' houses. Male children and the next generation remain in the family and answer to the oldest parent, unless his mind has become unfit from age, in which case the next oldest is put in his place. Lest any city either be depopulated or grow beyond measure, though, no family of the six thousand that each city (apart from the surrounding district) contains may have fewer than ten or more than sixteen adults."
Utopia, More
"But this is not the only thing that makes thieving necessary; there is another, one I believe peculiar to you Englishmen alone.' "'What is that?' said the Cardinal. "'Your sheep,' I replied, 'which used to be so mild and content, are now, it is said, so greedy and wild that they devour men, laying waste and depopulating fields, houses, and towns. For in those parts of the realm that produce the finest and therefore most costly wool, nobles and gentlemen, and even holy abbots, are unsatisfied with the revenues and annual profits they derive from their estates. No longer content with merely leading an idle life and contributing nothing good to their country, they must also do it real harm. They leave no ground to be tilled, enclose every bit of land for pasture, pull down houses, and destroy towns, leaving only a church for a barn." (11)
Utopia, More
"But you are quite mistaken," said he, "for his sailing has not been like that of Palinurus but of Ulysses, or rather like that of Plato. Now this Raphael, for that was his name (Hythlodaeus was his family name), was something of a Latinist, but an expert in Greek. He was less studious of the Roman tongue because he was entirely devoted to philosophy and knew that Latin had little to offer him there, except for a few things by Seneca and Cicero
Utopia, More
"Different customs, different attitudes. This struck me forcibly during a visit by the Anemolian ambassadors, who came to Amaurote during my stay there. ... The ambassadors themselves, who were noblemen at home, were splendid in cloth of gold, with big chains of gold and gold earrings, with gold rings on their fingers, and with strings of pearls and precious stones upon their caps—in short, decked out with the very things that in Utopia are used to punish slaves, stigmatize evildoers, or amuse children. And so it was a sight to see how they strutted when they compared their grand clothing with the dress of the Utopians, who had poured into the streets to see them pass." (31) "It was no less amusing to notice how mistaken they were in their overconfidence and how far from winning the admiration they had expected. For the Utopians, with the exception of those very few who had visited other countries, found all this gaudy show disgraceful. So they bowed to the lowest of the party but ignored the ambassadors and paid them no deference, thinking them slaves because of their gold. Indeed, you might have seen those children who had discarded pearls and precious stones nudge their mothers at the sight of such things on the caps of the ambassadors and say, "Look at that big idiot, Mother, still wearing pearls and gems like a kid." The mothers in all seriousness would answer, "Hush, son, I think he's one of the ambassadors' jesters." (31)
Utopia, More
"I can find no better custom in any nation than that which during my travels I noticed in Persia among the people commonly called the Polylerites. Theirs is a large and well-governed nation. They pay an annual tribute to the Persian ruler, but they are in all other respects free and autonomous. Living far from the sea, almost surrounded by mountains, and satisfied with what their own bounteous land yields, they neither visit others often nor receive visits. In accord with their ancient custom, they do not try to enlarge their territory. Their boundaries, moreover, are protected from all aggression by their mountains and by the tribute they pay to their overlord, and so they live free from military service, not at all extravagantly but comfortably, more in happiness than in fame or honor."
Utopia, More
"The houses, which are in no way shabby, are set together in long continuous rows facing one another, with twenty-foot wide streets in between. Behind the houses, along the whole length of each street, lies a broad garden enclosed on all sides. Every house has not only a door onto the street but also a back door into the garden. Folding doors, opening easily by hand and closing automatically, give admission to anyone, so that nothing at all is private. Indeed, every ten years citizens exchange their houses by lot.
Utopia, More
"In the meantime, gold and silver, of which money is made, are treated so that no one values them more than they merit by their nature. Anyone can see that gold and silver are less useful than iron, for iron is as vital to human life, by Heaven, as are fire and water. Nature gave gold and silver no utility—it is only our folly that makes them seem precious." (30) "They have devised a method that fits their own culture but would seem incredible to anyone who had not been there, so much do we value gold and so careful are we to hoard it. They themselves eat and drink from earthenware and glass of fine workmanship if of little value. But to make chamberpots and other indecent containers for both public halls and private houses they use gold and silver. They use the same metals for their slaves' chains, and they make those who are to be publicly shamed for some offence wear gold earrings, finger rings, necklaces, and coronets. Thus by every means in their power they turn gold and silver into marks of disgrace." (31) "Utopians do gather pearls by the seashore, and value certain stones such as diamonds and garnets, but they do not go searching for them. When they chance upon them, they polish them up and give them to children, who when they are little take delight and pride in such ornaments. After they grow up, however, and see that only children value these toys, they lay them aside, not thanks to orders from their parents but through their own sense of adult self-respect, just as our young, when they grow up, lay aside their marbles, rattles, and dolls." (31)
Utopia, More
"Lest any city either be depopulated or grow beyond measure, though, no family of the six thousand that each city (apart from the surrounding district) contains may have fewer than ten or more than sixteen adults. No number can be fixed for underage children. This rule is easily observed by transferring some members of overly large families to those that have too few.
Utopia, More
"Next to the marketplaces I have mentioned are provision markets to which are brought, from sites outside the city where running water washes away all disease and filth, vegetables, fruit, and bread, as well as fish and all edible beasts and birds. In those outer areas, slaves clean the animal carcasses, for Utopians do not allow free citizens to accustom themselves to butchering animals, thinking that such a practice erodes mercy, the finest quality of our nature. Nor do they allow inside the city anything dirty or unclean lest the air be tainted by putrefaction and spread disease." (28) "Others called the gold chains useless: so slender that a slave could easily break them, or so loose that he could slip them off and escape. For a couple of days the ambassadors watched as their stupendous show of gold was slighted—indeed, disregarded to the same degree that they had hoped for honor. Then they observed that there was more gold and silver in the chains and fetters of a single runaway slave than in all of their finery put together. Crestfallen and ashamed, all the more so as they became more familiar with the Utopians and their ways, they put away all the finery with which they had made themselves so conspicuous."
Utopia, More
"Philosophers are not so ungracious," Raphael said, "as to refuse to advise monarchs—indeed, many have done so through published books. But rulers must be ready to take good advice. Doubtless Plato was right that unless kings become philosophical they will never take the advice of real philosophers. From their youth, most are infected by and saturated with wrong ideas. Plato experienced this with Dionysius. So if I were to give wise advice to some king, trying to remove the seeds of evil and corruption from his mind, do you not think that as a result, I would be at once banished or ridiculed?" (16) "I continue to think that if you could persuade yourself not to shun the courts of kings, you could do the greatest good to the commonwealth through your advice. This is the most important part of your duty, as it is that of every good man. For since your favorite writer, Plato, believes that states will be happy only if philosophers are kings or kings turn to philosophy, what a faint hope there will be of happiness if philosophers will not share their advice with kings." (16)
Utopia, More
"Raphael told us how, after the departure of Vespucci, he and the friends who had stayed behind in the fort slowly ingratiated themselves with the natives. Little by little, after continued meetings and civilities, they were not only welcome but even treated as familiars. They were, moreover, in favor and good repute with a chief (whose name and country I have forgotten). He said that the chief, out of generosity, provided him and his five companions with ample provisions and travel money, as well as with a trusty guide for their journey (which was partly by water and partly in carriages over land) who could take them to other princes bearing careful recommendations in their favor." (7)
Utopia, More
"Since Utopians spend only six hours working, you might think that some scarcity of goods must follow. But this is far from the case: the time is more than ample to supply a wealth of necessities, even of conveniences. You must bear in mind that a large part of the population in other countries does not work. First, almost no women (half of the population) do so, and where the women are busy, almost as a rule, the men are snoring. Second, there is the great and idle company of secular priests and the so-called "religious" clergy. Add to them the rich, and especially the landowners commonly called gentlemen and noblemen. Now add their retainers—I mean that rabble of good-fornothing swaggering bullies. Finally, add those beggars who are perfectly able to work but who fake some disease as an excuse for laziness, and you will certainly find that those who produce everything that people need for daily use are fewer by far than you had supposed. ... But if all those now busied with unneeded labor, together with all the lazy and idle crowd (each one of whom now consumes as much of the fruits of other men's efforts as any two laborers), were made to do something useful, you would easily see how little time it would take to produce all that is required by necessity, comfort, or even pleasure." (26)
Utopia, More
"Some, through fraud or violence, lose their goods. Others are so wearied by oppression that they are driven to sell. Thus by hook or by crook poor wretches are compelled to leave their homes—men, women, husbands, wives, orphans, widows, parents with little children and a family not rich but numerous (for farm work requires many hands). Away they must go, I say, from hearth and home, and find no shelter. All their household furniture, which would not fetch a great price even if they could wait for a purchaser, must be sold for a trifling profit. Then as soon as they've gone through their last penny (near the beginning of their migration), what's left but to steal and hang—with justice, mind you—or wander and beg? But even wandering might land you in prison these days, for it is an "idle loitering." Nobody wants to hire their services, which they desperately offer. Why? They're accustomed to farming, and there's no need for a plow where nothing's to be sowed. It used to take several workers to cultivate a field until it was ripe for the harvest; the same field now requires only a single shepherd or rancher.."
Utopia, More
"Twenty from each household return every year to the city, after completing two years in the country. In their place the same number are sent fresh from the city to be in- structed by those who have already been there a year and are therefore more experienced in husbandry. They themselves teach others the following year; so there is no danger of any mistake or ineptitude causing scarcity, as might happen if all at one time were newcomers without knowledge of husbandry. Though this system of changing the cultivators of the soil is the rule, designed to prevent anyone being forced to continue long in a life of hard work, men who take a natural pleasure in agriculture can obtain leave to stay several years." (23) "Whenever they require anything not found in the country, they requisition it from the city, and without having to give anything in exchange easily obtain it from the town officials and have it brought to them every month on a recurring holiday, when many people go to the city and can help transport the needed materials. When the time of harvest is at hand, the Phylarchs in the country tell the city officials how many citizens they need. These harvesters, arriving at the appointed time, and weather permitting, complete almost all the harvest work in a single day."
Utopia, More
"Utopians define virtue as living according to nature, since God created us to that end. Whoever obeys the dictates of reason in desiring one thing and avoiding another, they say, follows the guidance of nature. Reason, first of all, inspires us to love and venerate the Divine Majesty who gave us our lives and our capacity for happiness. Second, reason urges and admonishes us to lead lives as free from care and as full of joy as possible, and, because of our natural fellowship, to help others do likewise." (33) "Utopians think not only that all bargains between individuals should be observed, but also that the common laws should be obeyed by everyone. Provided that they have been proclaimed by a just ruler and ratified by common consent, such laws provide just rules for the fair distribution of material goods, or, in other words, the means of pleasure." (33)
Utopia, More
"When Raphael had finished his story, I was left thinking that not a few of that people's customs and laws were absurd—not only their method of waging was, their rites and religion, and their other institutions, but above all that which is the chief foundation of their entire system: their communal life with shared goods and no money. This alone utterly overthrows the nobility, magnificence, splendor, and majesty that are, in the opinion of the common people, the true glories and ornaments of a commonwealth." "And yet I readily admit that there are many features of the Utopian commonwealth that I can more easily wish for in our own societies than hope to see realized."
Utopia, More
All children are trained in good letters, and many people, men and women alike, throughout their lives spend those hours that I said were free from manual labor on learning. They study the various branches of knowledge in their own language, for it is rich in vocabulary, pleasing to the ear, and well adapted for expressing thought." (32) "Philosophers whose names are famous to us were unknown to Utopians before our arrival, yet in music, dialectic, arithmetic and geometry they have made almost the same discoveries as our forebears. Just as they equal the ancients in almost all respects, however, so they fall far short of our inventive modern logicians ... They are so far from being able to find out second intentions, that not one of them was able to catch sight of "Humanity" in the abstract." (33)
Utopia, More
And, as if not enough English land were already wasted on deer parks and game preserves, these holy men turn all human habitations and cultivated land into a wilderness. Thus so that one fat cat, an insatiable and terrible scourge to his homeland, might enclose some thousand acres of tillable land in a single fence, many tenants are ejected. Some, through fraud or violence, lose their goods. Others are so wearied by oppression that they are driven to sell. Thus by hook or by crook poor wretches are compelled to leave their homes—men, women, husbands, wives, orphans, widows, parents with little children and a family not rich but numerous (for farm work requires many hands). Away they must go, I say, from hearth and home, and find no shelter."
Utopia, More
As for moral philosophy, they discuss the same topics that we do. They inquire into the goods of the soul, goods of the body, and external goods. They also wonder whether the name of "good" may be rightly applied to all three or belongs only to the endowments of the soul. They discuss virtue and pleasure, but chiefly they discuss in what thing—or things—happiness consists." (33) "... Utopians do not allow free citizens to accustom themselves to butchering animals, thinking that such a practice erodes mercy, the finest quality of our nature. Nor do they allow inside the city anything dirty or unclean lest the air be tainted by putrefaction and spread disease."
Utopia, More
As is recorded, and as the appearance of the ground shows, the island was not surrounded by sea until the time of Utopus, who conquered it and gave it its name (up to then it was called "Abraxa"). He brought a rude and rustic people to such a degree of civilization and refinement that they now excel almost all others. After a victory on his first landing, he ordered the land excavated for fifteen miles where it was connected to the mainland, thus letting the sea flow round it.
Utopia, More
Besides agriculture, which as I said is common to all, each person is taught some craft, generally wool working, preparing linen, masonry, carpentry, blacksmith's work, or silk weaving." (40) "The chief and almost only function of the Syphogrants is to see that no one sits idle but pursues a craft zealously. No one, however, is wearied like a beast of burden by constant toil from early morning till late at night... Outside Utopia, that is the usual lot of laborers. Utopians divide the day and night into twenty-four equal hours, assigning only six to labor. People work for three hours before noon, after which they go to dinner. After resting for two hours, they do three more and then go to supper. At about 8 p.m. they go to bed and sleep for eight hours. Each person decides how to pass the leisure hours, so long as he does not fritter them away in sloth and roistering but pursues some interest to which he is inclined." (25) "Many devote these breaks to literature and learning. For their custom is to hold daily public lectures in the early morning, and although only those specially chosen to devote themselves to learning have to attend, a great number of men and women from every line of work go to hear whichever lecture appeals to them. They do not blame those many who prefer spending time on their craft rather than on intellectual matters, and in fact commend them as useful citizens. After supper they spend one hour in recreation, in summer in the gardens and in winter in the common halls where they have their meals. There they either practice music or entertain themselves with conversation."
Utopia, More
Eager to see the world, he left his worldly goods at home with his brothers (he is Portuguese) and joined Amerigo Vespucci. He was his constant companion on the last three of those four voyages about which everyone has read. In the end, he did not accompany him home, for he pestered, even harassed Amerigo to let him be one of the twenty-four left behind at the fort during the last voyage. ... In any case, after Amerigo had set sail, Raphael traveled with five companions from the fort through many countries and came by sheer luck to Ceylon, and thence to Calcutta, where by good fortune he found some Portuguese ships. And so, after much time and beyond all expectation, he returned home." (
Utopia, More
Eager to see the world, he left his worldly goods at home with his brothers (he is Portuguese) and joined Amerigo Vespucci. He was his constant companion on the last three of those four voyages about which everyone has read. In the end, he did not accompany him home, for he pestered, even harassed Amerigo to let him be one of the twenty-four left behind at the fort during the last voyage. ... In any case, after Amerigo had set sail, Raphael traveled with five companions from the fort through many countries and came by sheer luck to Ceylon, and thence to Calcutta, where by good fortune he found some Portuguese ships. And so, after much time and beyond all expectation, he returned home." (7)
Utopia, More
Even in peace (if you can call it peace) the whole country is crowded and beset with mercenaries, for the French, like you, think it smart to keep these idle retainers. These wiseacres think the public safety means having a standing army, strong and reliable, and made up chiefly of veterans, for they have no confidence in untrained men. So they must always be finding an excuse for war, lest they have men without experience. They must also make sure that they are not unskilled at cutting throats, lest, as Sallust says wittily, "the hand or mind through lack of practice get dull.
Utopia, More
It would be a long tale to report what Raphael said he saw in each place, and that is not the purpose of this book. Perhaps on another occasion I shall tell his story, especially concerning those good and wise institutions that he noticed in civilized nations. We asked him eagerly about such things, and he was more than willing to converse at length, leaving out, however, the sort of marvelous reports that are really old news. For Scyllas and greedy Harpies and cannibal Laestrygonians are common enough, but well and wisely trained citizens are not to be found everywhere. Just as he noted many ill-advised customs among these strange nations, however, so too he mentioned not a few matters from which our own cities, nations, races, and kingdoms could use as models in correcting our own errors. These, as I said, I must save for another occasion. For now, I will merely relate what he told us of the manners and customs of the Utopians, first, however, recounting the conversation that led him to mention that commonwealth
Utopia, More
Such proud, ridiculous and obstinate prejudices I have encountered in many places, and once even in England." "What?" I asked. "You were in our country?" "Yes," Raphael said, "I once spent several months there, not long after the disastrous end of the Cornish revolt against the King put down with such horrible bloodshed. During that time I was much indebted to the Right Reverend Father, Cardinal John Morton, Archbishop of Canterbury, at that point also Lord Chancellor of England. Here was a man, Master Peter, (for Master More knows about him and needs no information from me) who deserved no less respect for his wisdom and virtue than for his authority.'" (9)
Utopia, More
The experience of Utopia makes all this clear. In any city and its immediate neighborhood, exemption from work is granted to no more than five hundred of those men and women whose age and strength makes them fit for toil. The Syphogrants, though released by law from work, take no advantage of this privilege, so that by their example they may inspire others to labor." (26) "Because the rest of the people are neither idling nor busied with useless occupations, it is easy to reckon what good work can be accomplished in a few hours. In addition to what I have mentioned, there is the further convenience that most of the necessary crafts do not require as much work as they do in other nations." (26) "With everyone devoted to useful work and satisfied with few goods, sometimes when there is a superabundance of supplies, a great number of citizens are set to fixing roads that are in bad shape. Or, if there is nothing of that kind that needs doing, the officials announce that there will be fewer hours of work. For they do not keep the citizens against their will at unnecessary labor. The constitution of the commonwealth has one objective: that so far as public needs permit, as much time as possible should be taken from serving the body and devoted to the freedom and cultivation of the mind. In that, they believe, consists the happiness of life." (26-27)
Utopia, More
The island of Utopia extends in the center (where it is broadest) for two hundred miles, and this breadth continues for the greater part of the island, but towards both ends it begins gradually to taper. These ends form a circuit of about 500 miles, so that the island resembles a new moon with horns divided by a strait about eleven miles across that then opens out into a wide expanse. ... Shallows and rocks make the mouth of this sea (which is situated between the horns) dangerous. Near the center of the gap stands one great cliff, which is not dangerous because clearly visible. On it stands a tower, manned by a garrison. The other rocks are hidden, and therefore treacherous. Only the natives know the channels, so very few foreigners enter the gulf without a Utopian pilot. Even for them the entrance is hardly safe, but they are guided by landmarks on the shore. If these were removed and resituated, the shoals could easily destroy an enemy fleet, however large. On the opposite coast there are numerous harbors, but the landing is everywhere so well defended by nature or by art that it would take only a few men to prevent a strong force from invading. (22)
Utopia, More
The land is so well distributed that each city has at least twenty miles of it on every side, and on some sides more, where the towns are farther apart. No town has any desire to extend its territory, for its citizens consider themselves to be cultivators, not owners, of what they hold. Everywhere in the country they have provided, at suitable distances from each other, farmhouses well equipped with farming tools. These are inhabited by citizens who come in succession to live there." (23) "No rural household numbers fewer than forty men and women, besides two slaves attached to the soil, and over each are set a responsible master and mistress of mature years." (23)
Utopia, More
The sick, as I said, are very lovingly cared for; nothing is left undone that might restore them to health, whether medicine or diet. Those suffering from incurable disease they console by sitting and conversing with them and by applying all possible alleviations. But if the disease brings unceasingly pain and trauma, the priests and the magistrates urge the sufferer, now unfit for all the duties of life and become a living burden to himself as well as a distress to others, to cease fostering disease and plague and be willing to die, now that living is an anguish, and so liberate himself from a life as bitter as imprisonment or torture—or let others liberate him." (
Utopia, More
They do not enslave prisoners of war except those they take themselves. Nor do they force the children of slaves into bondage, nor slaves whom they could get in other countries. Their slaves are either made such in their own country for heinous crimes or have been condemned to death elsewhere for some offence; most of their slaves are of this latter kind. Utopians bring away many such people from other lands, sometimes buying them cheaply or, often, just asking for them and getting them for nothing. Both sorts of slaves, foreigners and Utopians, are kept at work and in chains, but Utopians treat their own countrymen more harshly." (39)
Utopia, More
They do the same whenever a war impends, for war is the only reason for keeping treasure at home and thus available for use in extreme peril or a sudden emergency. They primarily use such treasure to pay extravagant sums to foreign mercenaries, whom they would rather hazard than their own citizens, knowing that with such huge cash reserves even their enemies might be purchased and set to fight one another by deceit or open warfare." (30)
Utopia, More
They have very few laws; a populace so well educated needs only a few. The chief fault they find with other nations is that their almost numberless laws and legal commentaries are still not enough for them." (41) "They recognize how much—prosperity or ruin—depends on the character of magistrates." (41) "The Syphogrants, though released by law from work, take no advantage of this privilege, so that by their example they may inspire others to labor." (26)
Utopia, More
Thus all the counselors agree, consenting to the saying of Crassus: no amount of gold is enough for a king who must keep an army." (18) "My dear More, to speak frankly from the heart, it seems to me that wherever you have private property, and all men measure all things by money, it is scarcely possible to have justice or prosperity. Surely you don't think there is justice when all good things come into the hands of the worst people, or that there is prosperity where a very few own everything. Even then those few are not fully content, while the many are downright wretched." (20) "What if I then recommended to them a law of the Macarians, a people not very far from Utopia? Their king, on the day he first takes office, after solemn sacrifices, is bound by an oath that he will never have in his treasury more than a thousand pounds of gold, or its equivalent in silver. They say that this law was instituted by an excellent king who cared more for his country's good than for his own wealth; his aim was to prevent any ruler from hoarding so much money that he would impoverish his people. He saw that his present wealth was enough to quell a rebellion or defend the kingdom against invasion but not large enough to tempt him to invade the lands of others. This was the law's main purpose; it also provided sufficient funds for daily transactions with the citizenry. Finally, a king who has to pay out to the people whatever exceeds the limit prescribed by law, he is less likely to oppress them. Such a king will be a terror to the evil and be loved by the good." (19)
Utopia, More
Whenever they are not paid at once, they do not trust the credit of individuals but rather that of a city, as a rule requiring signed promises. When the day for payment arrives, the city collects the money owed by private debtors, puts it into the treasury, and enjoys the use of it until the Utopians claim payment. But for the most part they do not demand repayment, thinking it unfair to take away something useful to others when they do not require it themselves. If other people do need it, however, they call in their debts so as to make a new loan." (30)
Utopia, More
We forgot to ask, and he forgot to say, where in the New World Utopia is located ..."
Utopia, More; More to Giles
"In a case like this, with such plans afoot and each vying with the other in making warlike proposals, what do you suppose would happen if an insignificant person like myself got up and advised another tack: leave Italy alone and stay at home, for as it is, the kingdom of France is almost too large to be well governed by a single man, and so the king should not think of adding another dominion. Suppose I then put before them the decisions taken by the Achorians, who live on the mainland southeast of the Island of Utopia? They went to war to win their king another kingdom, one he claimed because of an old marriage alliance. After securing it they saw it would take no less trouble to keep it than it had taken to obtain it, for there were constant rebellions and foreign invasions. So the Achorians had to keep an army in constant readiness, either to defend them or in case of an attack by them. In the meantime they were being plundered, money was leaving the country, they were losing their lives for the glory of others, and peace was no more secure than before."
Utopia, more
"Now there are a great many idle noblemen who not only live like drones off the labors of others, such as their tenants, whom they squeeze to the utmost by raising their rents (for that is the only way to get money they know, being otherwise so extravagant as to beggar themselves), but also carry about with them a huge crowd of parasites who have never learnt a trade by which to live. ... For as long as you have these men, you will never be without thieves." (10) "Wealth stays in the hands of the same few, who are not obliged to sell before they wish, and they do not wish to sell until they get the price they ask." (11-12)
Utopia, more
His wife comes to help him dismount; she grasps the halter of his mount and holds the stirrup for her lord. The peasant knight then kicked her hard, for he was proud and arrogant. "Step back from me!'' he said. Avaunt! You ought to know you have no right to touch so fine and praised a knight as I am for courage and bearing. There's none so hardy nor so daring in all your lineage, for sure. I am no loutish, peasant boor, but am esteemed for knightliness."
long b u t t h o l e Berengier
The peasant knight rose with the sun. He had his armor taken down and armed himself from toe to crown, for he had weapons of the best (and quite unused, you may have guessed). Then, when his arming was completed and on his charger he was seated, he gave thought to a stratagem to make his wife think well of him, and to deceive her by some trick.
long b u t t h o l e Berengier
There was a forest, vast and thick, not far from where their dwelling was. The knight straightaway dug his spurs in and rode as fast as he could right to the middle of the wood. When he was far inside enough, he stopped his charger and got off beneath an oak, and there he tied him, and on a dry branch propped beside him he hung his shield, and stood beneath and drew his sword out from its sheath, slashed at the shield as though insane some hundred times with might and main till none of it was left intact, then took his mighty lance and hacked it in four pieces. When he's done, he grasps the pommel, swings back on up in the saddle of his horse, goes spurring by the straightest course till he comes back into his yard. Of his lance he had just a shard and just a quarter of his shield, which he'd borne whole into the field.
long b u t t h o l e Berengier
"Now, woman," he spoke up and quick, "you're playing me a dirty trick to bring a man inside. You'll pay most dearly for this, let me say!" "Shut up, you have no right to speak! Shut up! You're cowardly and weak. It's I who have cause to complain! For all I hold you in disdain, you've fully earned your c u c koldry. To whom would you complain of me? To whom, on your father's salvation, would you turn in this situation? To him who bested you today, my lord Long B Berengier? He'd once again put you to shame." When he hears her mention that name, he has great anger and dismay and can't think of a thing to say. He knows he's lost; he's ill at ease. Henceforth she'll do as she may please; she's not base-born, and she's no fool. The shepherd's weak; the wolf shiz wool.
long b u t t hole berengier
His wife, meanwhile, went to look for arms, dressed as a knight for battle, called for a horse, got in the saddle, She set out quickly, never tarried, in the steps of the man she married ..... When she's sized up just what the case is, she rides on forward a few paces toward her husband and calls out, "What madness is this here, you lout? What right have you to fell my trees? If I can't bring you to your knees, I'm worthless! They should shackle you! Why beat your shield? What did it do? Don't pick on it—it's innocent! I can't think what deranged intent leads you to wage such senseless war. A curse on him who thinks you are a knight, for you're a proven coward!
long b u t t hole berengier
The knight is shaking in his shoes. He's filled with cowardice and fright; he says he certainly won't fight. "My lord," says he, "know that I've sworn to fight no man of woman born, and so dismount. Don't take offense I'll carry out all your intents." The filthy kiss of peace he gives just like the lowest cur that lives right by the hole there straightaway. She's shown him up and had her way. ...... The knight called out before she'd gone, "Good my lord, let me know your name before you go. You've won the game." "Vassal, I'll not hide it from you. The name I bear's unique and new; my line consists of me alone: Long B u t t hole Berengier, who's known for putting cowards all to rout."
long b u t t hole berengier
You'll not move from here or go free until you choose. Which will it be? Either you fight with lance and sword against me—you've my solemn word that if you fall, I'll give no quarter your head will come off in the slaughter, it can't be helped—or I'll dismount, stand in front of you, turn around, bend over, and you, on your knees, will kiss my uh huh , if you so please, right on the hole or close beside it
long b u t t hole berengier
and what on earth can she do faced with the threats of this knight who so rudely chases her away? She can't think of a word to say, and so she keeps her mouth shut tight. What can I tell you? Thus, the knight makes good use of this clever ruse to heap the lady with abuse and scorn her family, which shows his wife just how little he knows.
long b u t t hole berengier
she turned about and rode home straight out of the wood, disarmed herself as best she could, then sent for a knight to come over whom she held dear, to be her lover, and to her room, where they'll be snug, she takes him, and they kiss and hug
long b u t t hole berengier
The knight fell into poverty while still quite young. Though people deemed him worthy to be well esteemed, he owned no vineyards, took no rents, but always war and tournaments preoccupied his mind and will; to wield a lance he had much skill, and he could fight like one possessed and, in need, succored the oppressed. It came to pass that for a spell, for so I heard the story tell, that suddenly all fighting ended, no more in war was strength expended, nor could one hold a tournament. All that he owned the knight soon spent at that time and he went flat broke; he pawned his clothes and sold his cloak, his surcoat, too, and fur-lined cape, till there was nothing he could scrape together that was left to pledge
the knight who made c words talk
There bathing in the stream he [Huet] sees three damsels, lovely, noble, wise, who looked like fairies to his eyes. Their clothing, right down to their shifts they'd hung upon a branch and left, garments made all of beaten gold and worth a fortune, truth be told ... Seeing the maids without a stitch of clothing on, white skin undraped, their bodies, arms, and hips well-shaped, Huet spurred on his horse their way; no word of greeting did he say, grabbed everything they had to wear, and left the ladies in despair. (114-128) The knight took from him their apparel and turned and hurried back to where the ladies were who were so fair
the knight who made c words talk
