HDFS Chapter 5: love and commitment

Emotional Interdependence 3 Types

A-Frame (dependent) H-Frame (independent) M-frame (interdependent)

Selection Hypothesis

Assumes that individuals who choose serial cohabitation are different from those who do not; these differences translate into higher divorce rates i.e. less problem solving and communication skills.

The key difference between courtship and dating is...

find a marriage partner may or may not be the end goal.

Ludus

game playing vs searching for something serious

Four Stages of love

giving of hope granting a kiss enjoying an embrace yielding a whole person

Cross-National Marriage

marriage in which spouses are from different countries

Exogamy

marrying outside ones group

3 things love is not

martyring, manipulating, and limerence

Bride Price

money or property that the future groom pays the future bride's family so that he can marry her

Plato

Two Types: Common: beautiful physical pleasure Platonic: love without sex now but to plato meant homosexual

Mutual Dependency

Two people desire to spend more time together and thereby develop interdependence. Develop habits that require the presence of both partners.

Need Fulfillment

Two people find that they satisfy a majority of each others emotional needs.

Envy

desire to have something someone else has

Marriages that are homogamous in age, education, religion, and race are the happiest and most stable. T/F

True

Dowry

A sum of money or property the female brings to the marriage. Wealthier grooms demand a higher price and older brides must pay more.

Negative effects of cohabitation apply more strongly for nonHispanic whites than for black or mexican americans. T/F

True

Physical attraction is difficult to measure because it involves both social and biological factors. T/F

True

2 type of infatuation

-someone known only at a long distance -someone known and dating

Physical attractiveness was found to be the dominant mate selection criteria. T/F

True

Physical violence occurs in 20-40% of dating relationships. T/F

True

Arranged Marriages

-Children have little to no say in the matter. -May not meet spouse until the wedding day -Expected to develop a loving relationship after marriage instead of before

Assisted Marriages

-More common today -Children marry when they accept their parents choice -Common among some muslim groups and recent US immigrants

Men love more quickly because..

-They can afford to because of higher status -Less likely to marry without love (want to fall in love) -Women consider a mans status, so have to be initially cautious. Cant afford love without possibilities -Romance and sex are often tied for men -When women are in love they become more expressive

The Six components that make up the sequential model of mate selection

1.Personality Traits 2.Beliefs and attitudes about the partner or the relationship 3.Social Support 4.Partner Interactions 5.Satisfaction 6.Stability

When did the US Supreme Court declare that interracial marriages must be considered legally valid in all states?

1967

What % of men indicate they would rape a woman if they could get away with it?

20%

Interfaith marriages: what percent of couple marry outside of their religion?

45%

Date Rape

50% report being pressured into unwanted sexual contact 43% pressured into sexual intercourse 1/4 women raped 84% know their attacker 57% happen on dates

On average it takes a couple how many years before the share their deepest relational needs with each other?

6 years

What percent of adult US marriages are interracial?

7-8% (about 4.5 million couples)

Pool of eligibles

A group of individuals who are the all-unmarried or al un-partnered individuals

Status Exchange Hypothesis

An individual might trade his or her socially defined superior racial/ethnic status for the economically or educationally superior status of a partner in a less-privileged racial/ethnic group.

Rape Survivors Immediate reactions

Anger Intellectualize the event Shocked Want to be left alone Angry when assault is mentioned

Serial Cohabitation before marriage may be related to lower marriage stability. T/F

True

For the dumper

Be sure you want to exit Acknowledge that your partner will be hurt Dont continue seeing them as friends Dont change your mind Change Routines

12th century said to acquire love you have to

Beautiful shape excellent character (most important) wealth generosity

Commitment

Characterized by this willingness to work through problems and conflicts as opposed to calling it quits when problems arise. Consciously investing in the relationship.

Prevent Date Rape

Clear Communication Help men realize the costs to the victim Report immediately

Experience Hypothesis

Cohabiting experiences themselves affect individuals so that once married they are more likely to divorce.

Long Term Issues for Family/Friends of Survivors

Communication: Avoid why, be approachable, make attempts to communicate Initial Reactions: revenge or anger

Storge

Compassionate or friendship. Deepening mutual commitment, respect

Consummate Love

Composed of all three components is complete love

Commitment according to Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love:

Consists of not only deciding to love someone but also deciding to maintain the love

Intimacy includes...

Conveying/understanding Listening/Supporting Sharing common values this becomes more important as time goes on

There is no society where there is no jealousy

True

If the violent relationship is worth saving

Establish no violence contract Avoid escalating factors Monitor Progress

75% of married couples lived together first before marriage. T/F

False. More than half of married couples lived together first.

Passion peaks late in the relationship. T/F

False. Passion peaks early in the relationship. Important to good health and long term maintenance of the relationship.

Limerence

Fantasizing about being with the object/person in all type of situations. When you obsessively can not get someone out of your mind.

Insecure/Anxious Attachment Style

Fear of abandonment with consequent possible negative behaviors such as unwarranted jealousy or attempts to control ones partner

Women blame themselves and me blame others

True

Nondating

Generally sexual in nature and takes various forms such as hooking up or being friends with benefits.

Dating Scripts

Govern behavior in the getting-to-know-you stage of dating relationships. Can vary by race and ethnicity.

Secure Attachment Style

Have strong interpersonal skills and are better prospects for a committed relationship

Men appear to fall in love quicker than women. T/F

True. Men on average take 88 days to say I love you whereas women take 134 days.

Dont do this with sexual assault victims

Interrogate or gather details Argue with people in front of the survivor Use psychological jargon such as denial or defense

What are the 3 components necessary to authentic love according to psychologist Robert Sternberg?

Intimacy, passion, commitment

Self-Revelation

Involves gradually sharing intimate information about oneself.

Martyring

Involves maintaining relationships by consistently minimizing ones own needs while trying to satisfy those of one's partner. Prevents openness and intimacy.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Leads one to pass up or shun closeness and intimacy either by evading relationships, demonstrating ambivalence, seeming preoccupied, and among men, by rejecting romance and expressing hostile attitudes towards women.

For the dumpee

Listen and understand why Don't try and force them to stay in the relationship Dont do anything stupid Pain and loneliness is natural Change routines

Do this with sexual assault victims

Listen without interruption Communicate Accept Understand Warm Concern Caring Empathy

Long Term Issues for the Survivor

Loss of trust: can isolate them and make it difficult to accept nurturance Self Blame: Does no need anyone to judge her, feels stigmatized, makes degrading remarks about self, shame vs guilt Survivors feel crazy Fears: social gatherings, men, unknown life Alienation from support systems: may use substances, quit job or drop out of school, separate from religion, cease spiritual activities, experience anger towards God

After 6 Weeks (sexual assault victims)

Make poor thought out life decisions Accident Prone Behavior Loss of self-confidence Changes in patterns of living Fear which begins to restrict activity Changes in sexual interest

Homogamy

Marriage between partners of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class.

Interethnic marriages

Marriages between spouses who are not defined as of different races but do belong to different ethnic groups i.e. asian/pacific islanders, hispanics, or black ethnic groups.

Endogamy

Marrying within one's social group

Gender Differences in how rape is viewed

Men focus on the sexual aspect and women focus on the violence, fear of death, and dehumanization

Jealousy

Men more likely to deny Men express through rage Men focus on sexual activity

How to deal with jealousy

Not treated in isolation, takes communication by those involved, every primary relationship has the power to create jealousy.

Mania

Obsessive love, intense love-hate

Free-Choice Culture

People choose their own mates. predominant in the US

The "Marriage Market"

People enter the world armed with resources, personal and social characteristics, and then they bargain for the best "buy" they can get.

Suicidal Ideation

Plan on how to commit suicide has the necessary means to commit suicide has made or is in the process of making a suicide note

Pragma

Practical. Involves rational assessment of a suitable partner

Geographic Availability

Proximity or the fact that people tend to meet potential mates who are present in their regional environments -also helps to account for educational and social class homogamy

Intimacy according to Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love:

Refers to close, connected, and bonded feelings in a loving relationship.

Passion according to Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love:

Refers to the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and the like in a loving relationship.

Rapport

Rests on mutual trust and respect. people are more likely to establish rapport if they have similarity in values, interests, background, social class, religion etc.

Ovid`

Sensual: love was a game to get heterosexual pleasure

Assortative Mating

Social psychologist filtering process in which individuals gradually narrow down their pool of eligible individuals for long-term commitment relationships, removing those who would not make the best spouse or partner.

What to do if someone you know is involved with violence?

Talk to someone Avoid Isolation Establish support network

Empathy

The concern a person has for the partners growth and the willingness to affirm the partners potentials

Wheel of Love

The development of love in 4 stages in a circular process that can continue indefinitely.

Interreligious marriages tend to be more stressful and less stable than homogamous ones. T/F

True

Jealousy may be expressed inwardly as self degradation, which can reap secondary rewards

True

2/3 of men and 1/2 of women say man has a right to force sex on the a woman if the couple has dated for at least 6 months

True

70% of black-white marriages involved black men married to white women. T/F

True

A couples engagement provides family and friends a final opportunity to approve the relationship before going forward with marriage. T/F

True

A woman's domestic skills have declined in importance over the past 60 years. T/F

True

Interracial Marriages

Unions between partners of the white, black, Asian, or Native American races with a spouse outside their own race

Why does violence occur?

Violent Society Social learning Social Factors Lacks of norms Lacks of commitment Control Issues

Courtship Violence

Women tend to be abused more severely

Manipulating

Working to control the feelings, attitudes, and behavior of your partner or partners in underhanded ways rather than by directly stating your case.

Infatuation ___ energy and love ____ energy

binds, releases

Love and infatuation

both based on a need to experience an intimate, emotional, and tactile relation with another

Heterogamy

choosing someone dissimilar in race, religion, education, age, or social class.

4 stages in the Wheel of Love

rapport self-revelation mutual dependency personality need fulfillment

Eros

romantic or passionate

Marriages that are homogamous are most stable because...

they are more likely to share the same values and attitudes

Destructive Jealousy

threat is imaginary or dealt with destructively (pathologically)

US is country with the lowest rate of cheaters

true

Agape

unselfish concern for loved ones needs

Normal Jealousy

valued relationship is threatened and is dealt with realistically. attempt to deal with creatively and productively