Infants & Toddlers Ch 7: Supportive Communication w/ Fams and Colleagues
I-Messages
-3 parts B - Behavior Specific, non-blameful Does not use the word "you" E - Effect Tangible, concrete effect on you F - Feeling Disclose your feelings - use feeling words "worried, frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed, mad", ...
Developmentally Appropriate Practice (Copple & Bredekamp, 2009)
-Mutual respect, cooperation, shared responsibility, and negotiation of conflicts to achieve shared goals -Frequent two-way communication -Participation in decision making for child and program -Sensitivity and respect -Shared knowledge, information and assessments
Skills for Effective Communication
-Rapport Building -RAPPORT- agreement between two people -Develop a sense of harmony -CALIBRATE - observe carefully the specific steps of the other -PACE behaviors (move in harmonious synchrony) -Posture ("dance" face to face) -Nonverbal communication (tone, tempo, gestures) -Representational systems
Theory of Carl Rogers
-Techniques developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon -Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) -Starting teaching this in 1962 -Teacher Effectiveness Training (T.E.T.)
I-Message examples
-The 3 parts can be in any order "When children interrupt me (B), I feel frustrated (F) and I repeat myself (E)." "Ow - that hurts my body (E) when people bite me (B). I feel sad when I get hurt (F)." "I feel angry (F) when the last driver leaves the car on empty (B) and a stop for gas means I am late to work (E)."
I-messages
-When you "own" the problem -Use an I-message to tell the other person how their behavior tangibly effects you and how you feel about it -Clearly describe the situation and express your feelings -NOT blaming, labeling, attacking, resentful -Reduces potential for resistance if the other person doesn't 'lose face' -Assertive and self-disclosing -Give the other person information to better understand you -You do risk how the other person will respond when you self-disclose -If they respond with anger or denial, don't repeat the I-message (switch over to active listening) - "Shift gears"
Problem Ownership
-Who owns the problem? -Who has the direct, concrete, negative effect on self or ability to function? -Whose needs are blocked? -Your child does not unload the dishwasher -Your toddler refuses to wear underwear -Can greatly reduce stress
DAP
-developmentally appropriately practice -"establish reciprocal relationships w/ families"
Active Listening
-used when the other person "owns" the problem and you are trying to help -Does not mean you agree -You are not taking on the problem the other person "owns" -Does mean you are listening to feelings & not just words - listen between the lines -Attitude (take time, want to help, accept feelings instead of fear feelings - feelings can change, trust -feed back the deeper feeling message (not the words or in addition to the words) -It takes practice to give effective feedback! -Objective listening to understand, not react -You are important enough to have my attention -Include "listening" to body language -Avoid giving advice -Reflect back - prevent miscommunication
Common goal
high-quality experiences for children
