Interpersonal Final
complementary
-Differences can strengthen a relationship if they satisfy the other's needs -Radical differences might be intriguing, but can cause breakups
appearance
-Primary factor -First impression may influence secondary impressions -Physical factors becomes less important as relationship develops
self-disclosure
-Telling others important info about ourselves helps build relationships -Learn how others are similar through disclosure -Increases liking because it indicates regard
Stabilized friendship becomes closer and more important
-interact and disclose more, shared experience -Expectations of acceptance, responsiveness, continuity
Connection-Autonomy Dialectic
-want to be close to others, but seek independence too -most significant factor in romantic relationships
Predictability-Novelty Dialectic
-we want familiarity in a relationship, but "newness" too
Ambiguous Response
A message with more than one meaning
family
A system with two or more interdependent people who have a common history, present reality, and expectations for future
friendship
A voluntary relationship that provides social support
Tangential Response:
Acknowledge other's communication but used to steer the conversation in a new direction
trust
Believing in another's reliability and effort to look out for us
grave-dressing process
Burying the relationship and accepting its end
Geographic Distance
Challenge of distance between friends (friends from highschool)
Encouraging Independence
Children grow up and seek greater autonomy
Launching Children
Children leave home, or may come back
Emotional closeness
Closeness through dialogue: communication centerpiece of friendship
Incongruous Response:
Contains two messages that seem to contradict each other (verbal vs nonverbal)
Enlarging a Family
Couple adds children to the family, which creates new and challenging dynamic
Establishing a Family
Couple settles into a committed relationship
Retirement
Couples must adjust to life not centered around work; may be able to enjoy addition of grandchildren
Postlaunching of Children
Couples must redefine their relationship; may cause happiness or dissatisfaction
productive conflict communication
Creates a supportive, positive relationship that increases possibility of resolving differences without harming relationship
commitment
Decision to remain in a relationship
Commitment
Decision to stay with the relationship, expectation to invest more in relationship
Framing Rules
Define the emotional meaning of situations
response to conflict: neglect response
Denies or minimizes problems that could lead to overt conflict
Mania (eros/ludus):
Devise games and tests for their potential partners and experience emotional extremes (insecure in relationship and love so they are testing level of commitment)(obsessed with the relationship, bipolar with it too)
What are the cultural influences on emotions?
Different cultures have different ways of, and rules for, expressing emotions
Diverse Communication Styles
Different ways to communicate via social or cultural groups (direct, sarcastic, indirect, cultures, doing intimacy, and communication intimacy)
Instrumental support
Doing a task or favor to help
Shared Activities intimacy
Doing things together (memories, shared experiences)
Emotion work
Effort to generate what we think are appropriate feelings (be happy for friend who got job over you)
Explorational Communication:
Escalation of romance, learning about each other, reduce uncertainty to see if romance could work (spending time together)
family life cycle
Establishing a Family, Enlarging a Family, Developing a Family, Encouraging Independence, Launching Children, Postlaunching of Children, Retirement
Intellectual intimacy
Exchanging important ideas (deep debating convos)
support
Expect friends to support us - listening, helping with problems, being available
Acceptance:
Expect our friends to accept us, flaws and all
Conformity Orientation:
Extent to which family members are expected to adhere to hierarchy and conform in beliefs HIGH = seek harmony, hierarchy, obedience, no overt conflict LOW = Emphasize individuality, independence, more conflict, equality
intimacy
Feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness
(unproductive) Early stages
First 3 minutes are most important- will set the stage for how conflict is managed -Negative climates build on themselves
Development of Friendships: Growth Stages
Initial meeting is first stage of interaction and possibly friendship, Fledging Friendship Starts, Stabilized friendship becomes closer and more important
Deterioration of Romantic Relationships:
Intrapsychic Process, dyadic Process, social support, grave-dressing process, resurrection process
Conversation Orientation:
How open or closed communication is High = interact freely, frequently, spontaneously, happily, deeply Low = interact less, exchange less private thoughts
Love Languages:
Identify what love means to us and what counts as love
disconfirming messages
Lack of regard (I don't care about you, I don't like you, you aren't important)
competency
Like to be around talented people, hoping it will rub off on us Uncomfortable around people who are too competent - we want some flaws
proximity
Likely to develop relationships with those who we interact frequently with -Proximity can lead to liking -Geographic proximity vs virtual proximity
self-disclosure
Looking for reciprocity of revealing vulnerable information
Laissez Faire
Low convo, low conformity (don't talk a lot, anyone can make decisions, not as involved in each other lives)
Irrelevant Response:
Making comments totally unrelated to what the other person was just saying
Social and Professional role
May discourage direct expression of emotions
Traditional Gender Role
Men and Women experience same emotions, but express them differently
Developing a Family
Parent-child relationships develop and have impact on child
Revising Communication
Partners come out of clouds to look at relationship more realistically (may not always happen)
social support
Partners look to friends and family for support
Social media role
People may express more emotion online than in person
Resurrection Process
People move on with their lives without the other
Invitational Communication:
People signal they are interested in interacting
Climate Pattern Spirals:
People will often respond with a similar type message that they received -follows a reciprocal (spiral) pattern -Positive = positive; negative = negative
physical intimacy
Physical touch (hugs, hold hands, sexual too)
response to conflict: exit response
Physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing ( active in nature)
(productive) middle stages
Positive groundwork supports what happens as people dig into issues -Agenda building by staying focused on main issues
argumentativeness
Presenting and defending positions on issues while attacking positions of others (ability to make sound argument in respectful way)
relational culture
Private world of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create
Placemaking
Process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the couple
(unproductive) later stages
Proposals met with counterpropsals-more interested in pushing our own solution
Agape (eros/storge):
Put another's happiness ahead of their own without any expectation of reciprocity (love others passionately, without expecting anything back from them)
Unproductive conflict communication:
Reflects a preoccupation with oneself and disregard for others
complaining
Registering dissatisfaction with something (behavioral complaints are better than personal complaints) (Can be constructive and healthy)
Internal Pressures on friendships:
Relationship stresses that grow out of people and their interactions
External Pressures On Friendships:
Relationships may encounter pressures from outside
Initial meeting is first stage of interaction and possibly friendship
Rely on social rules, general scripts, stereotypes Awkward and uncertain Check for common values, interests
social exchange theory
Seeking out those who can give rewards greater or equal to the costs (Rewards - Costs = outcome) Calculating whether a relationship is "worth it"
conflict style: collaboration
Seeking win-win solutions to conflict, satisfying need of everyone without compromising anything
Sexual Attraction
Sexual undertones within relationship (can you really be friends)
emotional intimacy
Sharing important information and feelings
What are the different types of friendships?
Short vs long term, Task vs maintenance Oriented, Low vs High Disclosure, High vs Low Obligation, Infrequent vs frequent contact
Emotional support
Showing empathy and care to situation
Impersonal Response:
Speaker makes generalized statements about other- doesn't really interact with them
response to conflict: loyalty response
Staying committed to a relationship despite differences
Dyadic Process
The breakdown of established patterns, rules, rituals that make up the relational culture, may include discussions about problems
similarity thesis
The more similar someone is the more likely we are to form a relationship -Similarities are validating, help us make predictions about others
emotional intelligence
ability to recognize feelings, to judge which feelings are appropriate and communicate feelings effectively
Influences on Relationships Formation:
appearance, similarity, complementary, rewards, competency, proximity, self-disclosure
Triangular Theory Of Love:
argues that love has three components (passion, commitment, intimacy)
Quality time:
being present and available, undivided attention
Families are defined by interaction rather the by
biology
Deterioration Stages #2
change or decrease in the quantity and quality of communication
storge
comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility (slower, based out of friendship and connection of being friends/enjoy being together)
what is the most important factor in successful romantic relationships?
communication
acts of service
completing chores or tasks for someone
Words of affirmation:
compliments, words of praise
Non-verbal reactions
disgust, fear, joy, sadness, anger
#3 ineffective ways that we express emotions:Counterfeit emotional language
expresses emotion, but doesn't describe what a person is feeling (why can't you leave me alone)
Impervious Response
fails to acknowledge the other person's communicative attempt
intimacy
feelings of connection, closeness, tenderness (friendly relationship as well, emotionally close, open up) (warm)
#1 ineffective ways that we express emotions: Speaking in generalities
generally describe what we feel but we don't communicate the extent of our emotions (I'm happy)
Romantic Relationships and Social Media:
help us maintain connection with partners Also blamed for relational cheating, breakups, divorce, cyberstalking
Consensual family
high conversation, high conformity (whoever is head of family, what they say goes)
Pluralistic Family
high convo, low conformity (talks open, but no emphasis on authority)
conflict style: avoidance
ignore or stay away from conflict through physical or conversational means
Irrational thinking leads to
illogical conclusions and debilitative feelings
committed romantic relationships are unique because
includes romantic and sexual feelings -Primary and enduring
Growth of Romantic Relationships:
individuality, Invitational Communication, Explorational Communication, Intensifying Communication, Revising Communication, Commitment
Committed Romantic Relationships:
individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts of each others' lives
passion
intensely positive feelings and desire for another person (hot)
commitment
intention to remain in the relationship (cool)
willingness to invest
invest time, energy, feelings, resources
What are the features of satisfying relationships?
investment, commitment, trust, self-disclosure
Protective Family
low convo, high in conformity (authority is important, no conflict is important, don't talk as much)
physical touch
meaningful touch (holding hands, neck rub)
Is social support always helpful?
no) because different people want different types of support
SELF-TALK:
nonverbal, internal monologue that is our process of thinking
conflict style: Accommodation
one person allows the other person to have their own way rather than asserting their own point of view
Relational Dialectics
opposing forces, or tensions, that are continuous -normal in relationships - need to be comfortable with them; may need to negotiate balance
Emotions
our interpretation of internal sensations that are shaped by our physiology, language, and perceptions
communication climate
overall social tone or feeling of a relationship
What are the different fallacies?
perfection, should, overgeneralization, catastrophic failure
what are the four fallacies
perfection, should, overgeneralization, catastrophic failure
four family communication patterns:
pluralistic, consensual, protective, laissez faire
eros
powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically (quick, feel quickly)
Secondary Love Styles:
pragma, mania, and agape
task oriented
primarily revolve around certain activities
Emotional Contagion
process where emotions are transferred from one person to another
pragma (storge/ludus)
ractical love with clear criteria for partners (I need these things that are met before I can entertain the idea of potentially having an idea of a relationship with you. Need compatibility.
Fledging Friendship Starts
small self-disclosure or seeing each other outside of regular context -Many friendships don't move past this stage
High vs Low Obligation
someone you would do anything for and others where you don't feel need to help
how do climates develop?
they are determined by how much people see themselves, and others, as valued
gifts
thoughts that counts, not the thing itself
labeling of emotions
use of words can help us describe and better understand what we are feeling
Individuality:
we have needs/goals, love styles, identities, personal histories that affect what we look for in relationships
Physiological reactions
we know we are feeling an emotion when you have a physical sensations
Low vs High Disclosure
you open up about a lot about and others you have fun w but you don't go deep with
#2 ineffective ways that we express emotions:Not owning feelings
"You make me angry" we blame others for our feelings
Trust
-Confidence others will be dependable and care about us -Develops gradually and in degrees
Openness-Closedness Dialectic
-Conflict between open communication and privacy
response to conflict: voice response
Addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it
Conflict
An expressed tension between people who are: -Interdependent: we are connected, or related -Perceived they have incompatible goal: "HOW DO WE BOTH GET WHAT WE WANT" -Feel a need to resolve those differences: we want to resolve those differences
conflict style: Competition
Assumes that one person will win at the expense of the other
agressiveness
Attacking the self-concepts of other people by demeaning their worth (name calling, put-downs, sarcasm, yelling) (Possible to be assertive versus aggressive)
(productive) later stages
Attention shifts to resolving the tension through dual perspective, negotiation and contracting
Social support
Helping others during challenging times by providing support
(productive) early stages
Foundation set far before conflict ever occurs (dependent upon the communication climate in relationship)
Relational Dialectics
Friendships can be strained when people have different needs
Personal Changes
Friendships change as our life changes
Competing Demands
Friendships exist within larger social systems that affect how they function
Informational support
Give information to help
conflict style: compromise
Gives both people at least some of what they want, but both sacrifice part of their goals
Maintenance-Oriented:
Grounded in mutual liking, social support
confirming messages
Messages that convey valuing (you exist, you matter, you're important)
disagreeing messages
Messages that say the other person is wrong (Fall between confirmation and disconfirmation)
(unproductive) middle stages
Negative climate is stoked by other unconstructive communication -Kitchen-sinking by throwing everything into argument
Intrapsychic Process
One or both partners start to feel dissatisfied with relationship and focus on problems
Navigation of romantic relationships
The ongoing process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and downs
Defensiveness
The process of protecting our face -When someone attacks part our "presenting self" we respond negatively Use statements that reduce threat to create supportive climate
Relationship Rules:
Unspoken understandings that regulate how people interact (until someone breaks a rule: talks behind back, lies, ect.)
ludus
View love as a game, scheming, puzzles, commitment avoidance (it's just for fun, they aren't looking for commitment or to fall in love with for a while)
Intensifying Communication
View themselves as couple, immerse themselves in relationship, idealize their partner (aka honeymoon)
Feeling rules
What we have a right to feel or are expected to feel
investment
What we put into relationships that we could not retrieve if the relationship were to end
Deterioration Stages #1
When one or both friends stop investing in friendship
Interrupting Response:
When one person begins to speak before the other is through making a point
Infrequent vs frequent contact
You talk all the time, most days You don't talk everyday but when you do you connect really well
three stages of unproductive conflict communication
early stages, middle stages, and later stages
Dimensions Of Intimacy
emotional, physical, intellectual, shared activities
Primary Love Styles:
eros, storge, ludus
Personality
who we are can be powerful force in experience and communication of emotions
What is involved in the nature of friendships?
willingness to invest, emotional closeness, acceptance, trust, support