Interpersonal Final

complementary

-Differences can strengthen a relationship if they satisfy the other's needs -Radical differences might be intriguing, but can cause breakups

appearance

-Primary factor -First impression may influence secondary impressions -Physical factors becomes less important as relationship develops

self-disclosure

-Telling others important info about ourselves helps build relationships -Learn how others are similar through disclosure -Increases liking because it indicates regard

Stabilized friendship becomes closer and more important

-interact and disclose more, shared experience -Expectations of acceptance, responsiveness, continuity

Connection-Autonomy Dialectic

-want to be close to others, but seek independence too -most significant factor in romantic relationships

Predictability-Novelty Dialectic

-we want familiarity in a relationship, but "newness" too

Ambiguous Response

A message with more than one meaning

family

A system with two or more interdependent people who have a common history, present reality, and expectations for future

friendship

A voluntary relationship that provides social support

Tangential Response:

Acknowledge other's communication but used to steer the conversation in a new direction

trust

Believing in another's reliability and effort to look out for us

grave-dressing process

Burying the relationship and accepting its end

Geographic Distance

Challenge of distance between friends (friends from highschool)

Encouraging Independence

Children grow up and seek greater autonomy

Launching Children

Children leave home, or may come back

Emotional closeness

Closeness through dialogue: communication centerpiece of friendship

Incongruous Response:

Contains two messages that seem to contradict each other (verbal vs nonverbal)

Enlarging a Family

Couple adds children to the family, which creates new and challenging dynamic

Establishing a Family

Couple settles into a committed relationship

Retirement

Couples must adjust to life not centered around work; may be able to enjoy addition of grandchildren

Postlaunching of Children

Couples must redefine their relationship; may cause happiness or dissatisfaction

productive conflict communication

Creates a supportive, positive relationship that increases possibility of resolving differences without harming relationship

commitment

Decision to remain in a relationship

Commitment

Decision to stay with the relationship, expectation to invest more in relationship

Framing Rules

Define the emotional meaning of situations

response to conflict: neglect response

Denies or minimizes problems that could lead to overt conflict

Mania (eros/ludus):

Devise games and tests for their potential partners and experience emotional extremes (insecure in relationship and love so they are testing level of commitment)(obsessed with the relationship, bipolar with it too)

What are the cultural influences on emotions?

Different cultures have different ways of, and rules for, expressing emotions

Diverse Communication Styles

Different ways to communicate via social or cultural groups (direct, sarcastic, indirect, cultures, doing intimacy, and communication intimacy)

Instrumental support

Doing a task or favor to help

Shared Activities intimacy

Doing things together (memories, shared experiences)

Emotion work

Effort to generate what we think are appropriate feelings (be happy for friend who got job over you)

Explorational Communication:

Escalation of romance, learning about each other, reduce uncertainty to see if romance could work (spending time together)

family life cycle

Establishing a Family, Enlarging a Family, Developing a Family, Encouraging Independence, Launching Children, Postlaunching of Children, Retirement

Intellectual intimacy

Exchanging important ideas (deep debating convos)

support

Expect friends to support us - listening, helping with problems, being available

Acceptance:

Expect our friends to accept us, flaws and all

Conformity Orientation:

Extent to which family members are expected to adhere to hierarchy and conform in beliefs HIGH = seek harmony, hierarchy, obedience, no overt conflict LOW = Emphasize individuality, independence, more conflict, equality

intimacy

Feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness

(unproductive) Early stages

First 3 minutes are most important- will set the stage for how conflict is managed -Negative climates build on themselves

Development of Friendships: Growth Stages

Initial meeting is first stage of interaction and possibly friendship, Fledging Friendship Starts, Stabilized friendship becomes closer and more important

Deterioration of Romantic Relationships:

Intrapsychic Process, dyadic Process, social support, grave-dressing process, resurrection process

Conversation Orientation:

How open or closed communication is High = interact freely, frequently, spontaneously, happily, deeply Low = interact less, exchange less private thoughts

Love Languages:

Identify what love means to us and what counts as love

disconfirming messages

Lack of regard (I don't care about you, I don't like you, you aren't important)

competency

Like to be around talented people, hoping it will rub off on us Uncomfortable around people who are too competent - we want some flaws

proximity

Likely to develop relationships with those who we interact frequently with -Proximity can lead to liking -Geographic proximity vs virtual proximity

self-disclosure

Looking for reciprocity of revealing vulnerable information

Laissez Faire

Low convo, low conformity (don't talk a lot, anyone can make decisions, not as involved in each other lives)

Irrelevant Response:

Making comments totally unrelated to what the other person was just saying

Social and Professional role

May discourage direct expression of emotions

Traditional Gender Role

Men and Women experience same emotions, but express them differently

Developing a Family

Parent-child relationships develop and have impact on child

Revising Communication

Partners come out of clouds to look at relationship more realistically (may not always happen)

social support

Partners look to friends and family for support

Social media role

People may express more emotion online than in person

Resurrection Process

People move on with their lives without the other

Invitational Communication:

People signal they are interested in interacting

Climate Pattern Spirals:

People will often respond with a similar type message that they received -follows a reciprocal (spiral) pattern -Positive = positive; negative = negative

physical intimacy

Physical touch (hugs, hold hands, sexual too)

response to conflict: exit response

Physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing ( active in nature)

(productive) middle stages

Positive groundwork supports what happens as people dig into issues -Agenda building by staying focused on main issues

argumentativeness

Presenting and defending positions on issues while attacking positions of others (ability to make sound argument in respectful way)

relational culture

Private world of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create

Placemaking

Process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the couple

(unproductive) later stages

Proposals met with counterpropsals-more interested in pushing our own solution

Agape (eros/storge):

Put another's happiness ahead of their own without any expectation of reciprocity (love others passionately, without expecting anything back from them)

Unproductive conflict communication:

Reflects a preoccupation with oneself and disregard for others

complaining

Registering dissatisfaction with something (behavioral complaints are better than personal complaints) (Can be constructive and healthy)

Internal Pressures on friendships:

Relationship stresses that grow out of people and their interactions

External Pressures On Friendships:

Relationships may encounter pressures from outside

Initial meeting is first stage of interaction and possibly friendship

Rely on social rules, general scripts, stereotypes Awkward and uncertain Check for common values, interests

social exchange theory

Seeking out those who can give rewards greater or equal to the costs (Rewards - Costs = outcome) Calculating whether a relationship is "worth it"

conflict style: collaboration

Seeking win-win solutions to conflict, satisfying need of everyone without compromising anything

Sexual Attraction

Sexual undertones within relationship (can you really be friends)

emotional intimacy

Sharing important information and feelings

What are the different types of friendships?

Short vs long term, Task vs maintenance Oriented, Low vs High Disclosure, High vs Low Obligation, Infrequent vs frequent contact

Emotional support

Showing empathy and care to situation

Impersonal Response:

Speaker makes generalized statements about other- doesn't really interact with them

response to conflict: loyalty response

Staying committed to a relationship despite differences

Dyadic Process

The breakdown of established patterns, rules, rituals that make up the relational culture, may include discussions about problems

similarity thesis

The more similar someone is the more likely we are to form a relationship -Similarities are validating, help us make predictions about others

emotional intelligence

ability to recognize feelings, to judge which feelings are appropriate and communicate feelings effectively

Influences on Relationships Formation:

appearance, similarity, complementary, rewards, competency, proximity, self-disclosure

Triangular Theory Of Love:

argues that love has three components (passion, commitment, intimacy)

Quality time:

being present and available, undivided attention

Families are defined by interaction rather the by

biology

Deterioration Stages #2

change or decrease in the quantity and quality of communication

storge

comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility (slower, based out of friendship and connection of being friends/enjoy being together)

what is the most important factor in successful romantic relationships?

communication

acts of service

completing chores or tasks for someone

Words of affirmation:

compliments, words of praise

Non-verbal reactions

disgust, fear, joy, sadness, anger

#3 ineffective ways that we express emotions:Counterfeit emotional language

expresses emotion, but doesn't describe what a person is feeling (why can't you leave me alone)

Impervious Response

fails to acknowledge the other person's communicative attempt

intimacy

feelings of connection, closeness, tenderness (friendly relationship as well, emotionally close, open up) (warm)

#1 ineffective ways that we express emotions: Speaking in generalities

generally describe what we feel but we don't communicate the extent of our emotions (I'm happy)

Romantic Relationships and Social Media:

help us maintain connection with partners Also blamed for relational cheating, breakups, divorce, cyberstalking

Consensual family

high conversation, high conformity (whoever is head of family, what they say goes)

Pluralistic Family

high convo, low conformity (talks open, but no emphasis on authority)

conflict style: avoidance

ignore or stay away from conflict through physical or conversational means

Irrational thinking leads to

illogical conclusions and debilitative feelings

committed romantic relationships are unique because

includes romantic and sexual feelings -Primary and enduring

Growth of Romantic Relationships:

individuality, Invitational Communication, Explorational Communication, Intensifying Communication, Revising Communication, Commitment

Committed Romantic Relationships:

individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts of each others' lives

passion

intensely positive feelings and desire for another person (hot)

commitment

intention to remain in the relationship (cool)

willingness to invest

invest time, energy, feelings, resources

What are the features of satisfying relationships?

investment, commitment, trust, self-disclosure

Protective Family

low convo, high in conformity (authority is important, no conflict is important, don't talk as much)

physical touch

meaningful touch (holding hands, neck rub)

Is social support always helpful?

no) because different people want different types of support

SELF-TALK:

nonverbal, internal monologue that is our process of thinking

conflict style: Accommodation

one person allows the other person to have their own way rather than asserting their own point of view

Relational Dialectics

opposing forces, or tensions, that are continuous -normal in relationships - need to be comfortable with them; may need to negotiate balance

Emotions

our interpretation of internal sensations that are shaped by our physiology, language, and perceptions

communication climate

overall social tone or feeling of a relationship

What are the different fallacies?

perfection, should, overgeneralization, catastrophic failure

what are the four fallacies

perfection, should, overgeneralization, catastrophic failure

four family communication patterns:

pluralistic, consensual, protective, laissez faire

eros

powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically (quick, feel quickly)

Secondary Love Styles:

pragma, mania, and agape

task oriented

primarily revolve around certain activities

Emotional Contagion

process where emotions are transferred from one person to another

pragma (storge/ludus)

ractical love with clear criteria for partners (I need these things that are met before I can entertain the idea of potentially having an idea of a relationship with you. Need compatibility.

Fledging Friendship Starts

small self-disclosure or seeing each other outside of regular context -Many friendships don't move past this stage

High vs Low Obligation

someone you would do anything for and others where you don't feel need to help

how do climates develop?

they are determined by how much people see themselves, and others, as valued

gifts

thoughts that counts, not the thing itself

labeling of emotions

use of words can help us describe and better understand what we are feeling

Individuality:

we have needs/goals, love styles, identities, personal histories that affect what we look for in relationships

Physiological reactions

we know we are feeling an emotion when you have a physical sensations

Low vs High Disclosure

you open up about a lot about and others you have fun w but you don't go deep with

#2 ineffective ways that we express emotions:Not owning feelings

"You make me angry" we blame others for our feelings

Trust

-Confidence others will be dependable and care about us -Develops gradually and in degrees

Openness-Closedness Dialectic

-Conflict between open communication and privacy

response to conflict: voice response

Addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it

Conflict

An expressed tension between people who are: -Interdependent: we are connected, or related -Perceived they have incompatible goal: "HOW DO WE BOTH GET WHAT WE WANT" -Feel a need to resolve those differences: we want to resolve those differences

conflict style: Competition

Assumes that one person will win at the expense of the other

agressiveness

Attacking the self-concepts of other people by demeaning their worth (name calling, put-downs, sarcasm, yelling) (Possible to be assertive versus aggressive)

(productive) later stages

Attention shifts to resolving the tension through dual perspective, negotiation and contracting

Social support

Helping others during challenging times by providing support

(productive) early stages

Foundation set far before conflict ever occurs (dependent upon the communication climate in relationship)

Relational Dialectics

Friendships can be strained when people have different needs

Personal Changes

Friendships change as our life changes

Competing Demands

Friendships exist within larger social systems that affect how they function

Informational support

Give information to help

conflict style: compromise

Gives both people at least some of what they want, but both sacrifice part of their goals

Maintenance-Oriented:

Grounded in mutual liking, social support

confirming messages

Messages that convey valuing (you exist, you matter, you're important)

disagreeing messages

Messages that say the other person is wrong (Fall between confirmation and disconfirmation)

(unproductive) middle stages

Negative climate is stoked by other unconstructive communication -Kitchen-sinking by throwing everything into argument

Intrapsychic Process

One or both partners start to feel dissatisfied with relationship and focus on problems

Navigation of romantic relationships

The ongoing process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and downs

Defensiveness

The process of protecting our face -When someone attacks part our "presenting self" we respond negatively Use statements that reduce threat to create supportive climate

Relationship Rules:

Unspoken understandings that regulate how people interact (until someone breaks a rule: talks behind back, lies, ect.)

ludus

View love as a game, scheming, puzzles, commitment avoidance (it's just for fun, they aren't looking for commitment or to fall in love with for a while)

Intensifying Communication

View themselves as couple, immerse themselves in relationship, idealize their partner (aka honeymoon)

Feeling rules

What we have a right to feel or are expected to feel

investment

What we put into relationships that we could not retrieve if the relationship were to end

Deterioration Stages #1

When one or both friends stop investing in friendship

Interrupting Response:

When one person begins to speak before the other is through making a point

Infrequent vs frequent contact

You talk all the time, most days You don't talk everyday but when you do you connect really well

three stages of unproductive conflict communication

early stages, middle stages, and later stages

Dimensions Of Intimacy

emotional, physical, intellectual, shared activities

Primary Love Styles:

eros, storge, ludus

Personality

who we are can be powerful force in experience and communication of emotions

What is involved in the nature of friendships?

willingness to invest, emotional closeness, acceptance, trust, support