PSYCH 4342 Chapter V: Communication
True
T or F Lovers tolerate longer delays in responding, are silent more often, and say less overall
false Instead of demonstrating appropriate acknowledgment and concern for a partner's complaints, stonewalling typically communicates "disapproval, icy distance, and smugness"
T or F People who stonewall are helping the situation by refusing to argue further
False
T or F Social penetration should always be total
true
T or F Unhappy partners also interrupt each other in negative ways more than contented couples do.
True
T or F Women tend to be better openers than men
True
T or F abusive mothers have trouble identifying signs of distress in infants;
True
T or F gaps are actually more likely to occur in close relationships than they are among strangers
true
T or F people are more self-disclosing on Facebook than they usually are in person
True
T or F people who get a glimpse of men's faces that lasts for only half a second can accurately judge whether they are gay or straight
False
T or F those who glance at us and then look away seem more likable and attractive than people with friendly expressions who catch our eye and keep looking
false You can communicate appropriate respect and recognition of a partner's point of view without agreeing with it
T or F validation requires you to agree with someone's point of view
false
T or F when men and women interact with each other, these differences in the topic of conversations are very apparent
False, gestures vary across cultures, facial expressions don't
T or F: gestures and facial expressions, don't vary widely from culture to culture
T or F Lovers tolerate longer delays in responding, are silent more often, and say less overall
True
T or F Women tend to be better openers than men
True
T or F gaps are actually more likely to occur in close relationships than they are among strangers
True
T or F men value instrumental communication skills such as the ability to give clear instructions and directions more than women do.
True
T or F people who get a glimpse of men's faces that lasts for only half a second can accurately judge whether they are gay or straight
True
functions of nonverbal
1. provide information 2. regulate the interaction 3. define the relationship 4. interpersonal influence 5. impression management 6. fine-tune the intimacy of our interactions to establish a comfortable level of closeness
What do unhappy couples o a poor job of?
1. saying what they mean 2. hearing each other 3. often display negative affect when they talk with each other
How can we avoid miscommunication traps?
1. saying what we mean 2. active listening
how many seconds of observation allow strangers to make reasonably accurate judgments about our personality traits?
30 seconds of evaluation
if you have a problem of communication disconnect between male or female, whose fault is it probably?
Probably the male. Women do work harder at nonverbal communication than men do , they also tend to interpret the nonverbal more carefully and interpret it more accurately
interpersonal process model of intimacy
genuine intimacy is likely to develop between two people only when certain conditions have been met responsiveness --> trust --> disclosure --> intimacy
critical startup
how the conversation begins
personal zone of interpersonal distance
ranges from 11'.z to 4 feet away from us, for friends and acquaintances
I-statements
start with "I" and then describe a distinct emotional reaction force us to identify our feelings
kitchen-sinking
they tend to address several topics at once
reasons why Self-disclosure is linked to liking
we tend to reveal more personal information to those we like lf we're attracted to others, we tend to be more open with them we also tend to like others because we have self-disclosed to them it's rewarding to be entrusted with self-disclosures from others
yes-butting
communicates constant criticism of the others' points of view
how do people learn their partners' expectations and intentions?
create secret tests of their lovers' fidelity and devotion
display rules
cultural norms that dictate what emotions are appropriate in particular situations
other taboo topics
current relationships with other partners Discussion of past sexual experiences
expressive communication skills
expressing affection and feelings, more valued by women
Which communicative skills do both men and women think is more important?
expressive communication skills
gender differences in self-disclosure
expressive people (feminine) are more self-disclosing than instrumental (masculine) people are, they elicit more self-disclosure, too
intimate zone of interpersonal distance
extends out from the front of our chests about a foot-and-a-half (
cross complaining
fails to acknowledge others' concerns; instead of expressing interest in what their partners have to say, they just respond to a complaint with one of their own
T or F when men and women interact with each other, these differences in the topic of conversations are very apparent
false
T or F People who stonewall are helping the situation by refusing to argue further
false Instead of demonstrating appropriate acknowledgment and concern for a partner's complaints, stonewalling typically communicates "disapproval, icy distance, and smugness"
T or F validation requires you to agree with someone's point of view
false You can communicate appropriate respect and recognition of a partner's point of view without agreeing with it
T or F shy people display the same level of self-disclosure as they do face-to-face
false shy people are more self-disclosing online than they are face-to-face
false
T or F Happy expressions are not correlated with success in life,
Dysfunctional communication
no one address the actual point of contention
triangle test
watch closely to see how their lovers respond to other attractive people
explicit taboo
we agree not to talk about it politics, religion
Differences in nonverbal receptivity
• Channel: phone call, text, email, etc... • Translating our intent with our actual work, coming up with the way we interact verbally • Distraction: noise, interference, not listening • History • Body language • Different generation
Four horsemen
• Criticism • Contempt • Defensiveness • Stonewalling
two vital tasks when we're on the receiving end of others' messages
1. accurately understand what our partners are trying to say, 2. to communicate that attention and comprehension to our partners so that they know we care about what they've said.
components of nonverbal behavior
1. facial expressions 2. gazing behavior 3. body movement 4. Touch 5. Interpersonal distance 6. Paralanguage
social zone of interpersonal distance
4 to 12 feet, interactions tend to be more businesslike
public zone of interpersonal distance
Beyond 12 feet, interactions tend to be quite formal.
T or F : men who beat their wives have less trouble than nonviolent men figuring out what their wives are feeling
False
T or F Happy expressions are not correlated with success in life,
False
T or F Social penetration should always be total
False
T or F those who glance at us and then look away seem more likable and attractive than people with friendly expressions who catch our eye and keep looking
False
T or F People with firm, full, long handshakes tend to be as extraverted, open to experience, and neurotic, as people with wimpy handshakes are.
False , People with firm, full, long handshakes tend to be more extraverted and open to experience, and less neurotic, than people with wimpy handshakes are.
T or F women are more tentative than men
False Both sexes speak less forcefully when they're on the other's home turf, and there's no difference in men and women's style when they're discussing neutral topic' with each other
T or F : men display as much to women as they do other men, which is very little
False Men open up to women, and women are open among themselves, but men disclose less to other men
T or F both men and women use the same pitch when they leave voice messages for pretty, rather than plain, members of the other sex, and they sound more pleasant when they do so
False they use a lower pitch when they leave voice messages for pretty, rather than plain, members of the other sex, and they sound more pleasant when they do so
T or F: gestures and facial expressions, don't vary widely from culture to culture
False, gestures vary across cultures, facial expressions don't
T or F women are more talkative than men
False. men speak up and say something less often than women do, but when they do get started, they talk longer, brooking no interruption
for two people to become close, three things have to happen
First, they have to engage in meaningful self-disclosure. Then, they have to respond to each other's personal information with interest and empathy Finally they each have to recognize that the other is being responsive.
How do men differ from women in the way they distance themselves from others while interacting? What about people of high vs low status? WHat about happy vs unhappy couples?
Men tend to use somewhat larger distances than women do people usually stand further away from others of high status than from those of lower power and prestige Spouses who are unhappy choose to maintain larger distances between each other than do spouses who are currently content
reciprocity in self-disclosure
New partners tend to match each other's level of openness, disclosing more as the other person does, and disclosing less if the other person's self-d1sclosure declines.
False
T or F : men who beat their wives have less trouble than nonviolent men figuring out what their wives are feeling
True
T or F Compared to those who engage in more superficial small talk, people who have substantive, deep conversations and who make themselves known to others enjoy better health and more satisfaction with life
What are signs of high status that make a man stand out in a group?
Taking up a lot of space, having an open posture, and touching other men (but not being touched in return)
self-disclosure
The process of revealing personal information to someone else
responsiveness
When we open up to others, we want our disclosures to be received with apparent interest. sympathy, and respect.
XYZ statements
When you do X in situation Y" (that's a good behavior description), "I feel Z" (an I-statement)
sex Difference in style of conversation
Women are sometimes found to speak with less forcefulness than men do, being more indirect and seeming less certain
validation
acknowledge the legitimacy of their opinions
paralanguage
all the variations in a person's voice other than the actual words he or she uses, such as rhythm, pitch, loudness, and rate.
talk table
allows the researcher to get a record or both your private thoughts and your public actions
clumsy criticism
attacks a partner's personality or character instead of identifying a specific behavior that is causing concern
microexpressions
authentic flashes of real emotion during momentary lapses of control.
What does self-disclosure looks like as the relationship develops?
become broader (with more topics being discussed) and deeper (with more topics of personal significance being revealed).
Do women possess more skill at nonverbal communication, or are they just working harder at it?
both, Women spend more time watching others' eyes than men do
functions of gazing
communicate affection as well as simple interest communicate dominance
visual dominance ratio VDR
compares "look-speak" (the percentage of time a speaker gazes at a listener) to "look-listen.
endurance test
contrive difficulties that the lover must overcome in order to demonstrate his or her devotion
blirtatiousness
differences in verbal style 1. Some put their thoughts and feelings into words quickly, blurt out whatever they're thinking and thereby engage in animated, rapid-fire conversation 2. others are slower, more deliberate, and more hesitant in verbalizing their feelings.
gaze
direction and amount of looking behavio
What do they mean by nonverbal insensitivity and dissatisfaction form a vicious cycle.
each exacerbate the other Nonverbal insensitivity makes someone a less rewarding partner than he or she otherwise would be Once partners grow dissatisfied for any reason, they tend to start tuning each other out, and that causes them to communicate less adeptly than they could if they really tried
catastrophizing
dramatically overstate the negative consequence of a situation or person's action
High openers
draw out more intimate information from others more attentive during conversation gazing and nodding more, and looking interested-and they verbally express more interest in what others are saying
nonverbal leakage
elevation in physiological arousal subtle differences in timing and movement between real and fake emotions that are apparent in attentive viewers
separation test
find reasons to be apart to see how enthusiastically their lovers welcome their return
implicit taboo
generally agreed upon topics we don't talk about, it is more society based state of the relationship, past relationships
unique facial expressions
happiness, sadness,fear, anger, disgust, and surprise
mimicry
he participants adopt similar postures and mannerisms, display comparable expressions, and use similar paralanguage.
behavior description
identify as plainly and concretely as possible a specific behavior that annoyed us
perceived partner responsiveness
judgment that one's partner is understanding and caring
self-disclosure is a gradual process
new partners moving toward deeper topics by stages rather than all at once.
nonverbal communication
includes all of the things people do in their interactions except for their spoken words and syntax.
defensiveness;
instead of treating the clumsy complaint as legitimate and reasonable, the partners seek to protect themselves from the unreasonable attack by making excuses or by cross-complaining, hurling counterattacks of their own.
Contempt
insults, mockery, or hostile humor
four ways we may try to modify our expressions of emotion to follow these rules.
intensify our expressions minimize our expressions neutralize our expressions mask our real feelings by replacing them with an entirely different feeling
what is the discrepancy in interpersonal communication?
interpersonal gap~between what the sender intends to say and what the listener thinks he or she hears
mindreading
occurs when people assume that they understand their partners' thoughts, feelings, and opinions without asking
belligerence
one partner aggressively rejecting the other altogether So what? What are you gonna do about it?
parentese
paralanguage used for babies
how do we accomplish the vital tasks on the receiving end of other's messages
paraphrasing perception checking Being polite and staying cool
perception checking
people assess the accuracy of their inferences about a partner's feelings by asking the partner for clarification
Do people usually look more at their conversational partners when they're SPEAKING or when they are Listening?
people usually look at their conversational partners more when they're LISTENING (gazing at the speaker about 60 percent of the time, on average) than when they're SPEAKING (looking at the listener about 40 percent of the time) low VDR or 40/60
idioms
pet phrases and specialized vocabulary that people in a relationship use and whose meaning is known only to them
How do high-status people tend to depart from the visual dominance norms?
powerful high status people look more while speaking but less while listening than the average person does] high VDR of 60/40
social penetration theory
relationships develop through systematic changes in communication
paraphrasing
repeating it in our own words and giving the sender a chance to agree that that's what he or she actually meant
taboo topics
sensitive matters that, in the opinion of the partners, may threaten the quality of their relationship.
what does self-disclosure looks like at the beginning of the relationship?
take the form of a wedge that's both narrow and shallow only a few different topics are being discussed only impersonal information is being revealed
instrumental communication skills
the ability to give clear instructions and directions , more valued by men
off-beam
wandering from topic to topic so that the conversation never stays on one problem long enough to resolve it
Interpersonal distance
the physical space that separates two people-that is usually reserved for relatively intimate interactions
how do unsatisfied couple differ from contented couples in terms of communication?
the impact of their messages-what their partners think they hear-is more critical and disrespectful nonetheless
depth
the personal significance of the topics they discuss
Most common taboo topic
the state of the relationship itself
when there is a discrepancy bernreen people's \\'ords and actions, where does the truth lie?
the truth behind their words usually lies in their nonverbal, not their verbal, communication
breadth
the variety of topics they discuss
T or F Compared to those who engage in more superficial small talk, people who have substantive, deep conversations and who make themselves known to others enjoy better health and more satisfaction with life
true
T or F Unhappy partners also interrupt each other in negative ways more than contented couples do.
true
T or F abusive mothers have trouble identifying signs of distress in infants;
true
T or F people are more self-disclosing on Facebook than they usually are in person
true
key ingredients in all of these components of good communication
validation and respect
Stonewalling
withdrawing into a stony silence
sex Difference in the topic of conversation
women : discuss their feelings about their close relationships and other personal aspects of their lives. men : stick to more impersonal matters, objects and actions such as cars and sports, gossiping about celebrities and politicians instead of friends, and seeking a few laughs instead of support and counsel
What does the term 'women's intuition' refer to ?
women tend to attentively use subtle but real nonverbal cues to discern what's going on
traps
• Kitchen-sinking • Off-beam • Mind-reading • Interruptions • Yes-but • Cross-complaining o Criticism: what I don't like about you o Complaint: what you did and I didn't like • Absolutes: • Catastrophizing • Mention potential in-laws , insults, sarcasm( can be a problem but not always)*
