sfl 100 final

controlling children (B. Young)

"I have seen more parents who were unable to control themselves than I ever saw who were unable to control their children."

david o mckay

"Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her cares that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."

robert d hales

"Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning. A mother's learning grows as she nurtures the child in his or her development years. They are both learning and maturing together at remarkable pace. It's exponential, not linear..."

spencer c kimball

"Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments."

thomas s monson

"One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one."

fathers role (hunter)

"The teaching and governance of the family must not be left to (a man's) wife alone, to society, to school, or even the Church." To father a child is to accept a divine calling, a moral stewardship, and a lasting commitment across generations.

In 1999, the First Presidency made a call to parents. What was the main message given?

"To devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential responsibility."

richard g scott

"Woman are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family."

provide (scriptures/revelation)

"in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread" and sent him "to till the ground from whence he was taken" (Genesis 3:19) ~"The principle of providing for one's family as a father recognizes that man is 'a steward over his own property is accountable unto (God)' for threat stewardship, and should administer those resources in a manner that 'is sufficient for himself and family' ~In essence, then to provide in fathering is to assume the stewardship of meeting children's needs and offering opportunities for their development, as well as dedicating one's time, energy, and resources for the benefit of the next generation.

What is psychological control in the context of discipline? dangerous?

-an insidious type of control that potentially inhibits or intrudes upon psychological development through manipulationand expploition of the parent-child bond -love withdrawn -guilt induction -dissapointment -shame -criticism Considered to be deleterious, regardless of its tone or level. parents deem and belittle children. communicates distrust in childs ability. child may have anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, rebellion, estrangement

stand of proclamation on whether a parent's active involvement vs genetic traits are more responsible?

-significant teaching required for positive outcomes -rely on gospel teachings to know what to teach

How does this guardianship responsibility impact the grandparents themselves?

...

What is needed in cases of excessive guilt or shame in order to culminate in productive ends?

...

three critical roles that mothers play in their children's development.

1. Helping create an environment of safety, peace, and learning 2. Through the emotional work they perform to maintain and strengthen individual well-being and family relations 3. Cognitive stimulation and teaching

What are some of the researched benefits for children staying close to their grandparents?

1. Offer emotional support and advice 2. They babysit grandchildren 3. Provide more substantial assistance to their adult children and grandchildren.`

List two general suggestions made by the authors to be successful in family work, since parents do not need a perfect system for doing chores.

1. Parents should seek an approach based on "attentive love" Careful attention to another's needs for growth seen through "the patient eye of love" 2. Work that unifies hearts is "not after the manner of men" Seek guidance from the Lord

List some of Worthington's five-

1. Recall the Hurt: In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury. 2. Empathize: involves borrowing the lens of another person so we see something from their point of view. 3. Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness: forgiving with altruism is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of their own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when they were freely forgiven. 4. Commit publicly to forgive: journal entry would be good enough 5. Hold on to forgiveness: Move forward even if it still hurts. step process for forgiving.

4 styles of parenting

1. authoritarian 2. permissive 3. authoritative 4. uninvolved/disengaged

What principles does D&C 121: 36-46 teach us about the rearing of children in love and righteousness?

1. children encouraged to adapt 2. unrighteous dominion is bad 3. dont try to raise controllingly in unrighteousness, its against god

In order to rear a child in love and righteousness and to promote optimal development, seven crucial elements are listed in the bulleted list. Name and describe three.

1. love, warmth, and righteousness 2. clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior 3. limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise

Give three specific examples of ways that authoritative parents might appropriately set and enforce limits.

1. temp suspend driving for tickets 2. calmy arrive at teens party when curferw is broke 3. no playing outside until chores or homework are done

ways mothers can avoid burnout and depression

1.Learn that mothering requires aligning of expectations with reality rather than putting unneeded "should" on the list of essentials, setting priorities so they can do well the things they most care about, and structuring their lives to include activities that replenish. 2.Care for themselves and nurture their own minds, hearts, and bodies 3. Find time for self to cultivate gifts and interests.

exercise "power in righteousness"

1.They bless only by the exercise of power in righteousness 2.It comes only as we associate ourselves through prayer and sacred living with the powers of heaven 3. So...if you are righteous, you can be a holy figure in the lives of your children because you have an association with the powers of God. Those powers can bless the lives of your children.

mom-child relationship (attatchment theory)

Attachment between mother and child is critical for a child's healthy social-emotional development.

How does this impact the relationships young adults might have with previous generations?

Better relationships with grandparents and older generations because they live longer

Why does the chapter encourage us not to manage our homes in the same way we would manage a business?

By focusing on how quickly and efficiently families finish certain tasks, they miss the joy of the journey along the way. Planning and organization have their place, but should not be the center of how a family is run. "PLans too easily become ends rather than means, with end products overshadowing the shared creative process that produced them."

Summarize how children's work has changed over the years.

Children used to share much of the hard work. Children would often be able to easily find extra work when their families needed it, because they were seen as cheap labor. However this led to child abuse, which led to child labor movements. These following child labor laws ended nearly all child labor. "The economic role of children shifted from worker to pampered consumer." (217). Today, children often do little household work. And when they do it, they are doing it for themselves, like cleaning their own room, or doing their own laundry.

What have Church leaders said about an individual's responsibility towards their aging parents and grandparents?

Family members should provide care for disabled family members. Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught that caring for elderly parents is an important aspect of the Lord's commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother".

provide (proclamation)

Fathers in particular are 'responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families to provide for their (children's) physical and spiritual needs

responsibilities of a father in his role to preside in the family

First, fathers are directed to take upon themselves the responsibility of spiritual leaderships in family life as part of loving Eternal Father's plan for family function Second, a father's responsibility to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations that rest upon men in family life Third, the manner in which a father is to exercise spiritual guidance among family members is explicitly articulated: "in love and righteousness

How do the authors of this chapter explain the scriptural phrase "for [his/their] sake." How does the work that is required in this mortal sphere bring blessings and salvation?

Hard work can be a blessing. Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs Work teaches us to love and serve one another Family work can become the clinical experience that over time shapes us toward divinity When families work together in the right spirit, a foundation of caring and commitment grows out of their shared experience Work can connect us to those we serve and with whom we serve Humble, serving work is central, truly for our sakes

Summarize how father's work has changed over the years

Men used to learn the trade of their fathers. This made the bond between fathers and sons stronger. "Providing for one's family came to mean bringing home a paycheck to purchase goods and services rather than performing physical tasks of feeding, clothing, and sheltering family members." Family life and work life are now separated. To fully be a father involves spending a considerable part of every working day away from the home.

James R. Clark.

Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to angels."

What does President Hinckley say about the rewards of parenting?

Nevertheless, the rewards of such well-placed time and attention are eternal.

How do they characterize free time that is wisely spent?

Our free time should be used wisely to create the best possible life, to promote individual growth and strengthen families. Meaningful recreation does not just happen; it must be prepared for, cultivated, and privately defended. Wholesome family recreation can help us strengthen our relationships and reduce negative emotional and spiritual consequences. Wholesome recreation strengthens families.

name several benefits that could accrue to families who engage together in consistent family work?

Provides daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children Provides opportunities for husbands to draw closer to wives Siblings bond while they work together to serve the family Increases love and joy in families Teaches responsibility/skills Can turn society's moral values around Develops Christlike virtues Can be a time of closeness and fun ....can bind families together.

spanking (research)

Research suggests that no abusive spanking (not overly harsh nor frequent in use), in the context of an otherwise warm relationship, may indeed yield few negative effects.

R.M. Nelson- "The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of _____ and _____ are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate _____ and _____ one for another."

Selfishness Greed concern love

What are the three factors that influence a victim's decision to forgive?

Situational factors: Intention of harm, repetition of offense, severity of consequences Relational factors: offenders identity or his/her proximity with the victim, attitude after offense Personality factors

What is meant by the term "positive psychology" and how does it represent a shift in the thinking of experts in the psychological community?

The focus for psychologists has shifted from the causes of mental illness in adults to what makes a good life for adults (positive psychology)

"secret ingredient" that helps fathers to do their best work with their children

The quality of a father's relationship with a child's mother is perhaps the 'secret ingredient' that makes the fathering recipe work best for most men and their children

Summarize how mother's work has changed over the years.

The work that mothers did generally stayed the same, but what changed was HOW they did this work. Machines replaced tasks that husbands or older children used to do. Family work was more lonesome for the mothers now.

family national guard

This is what "Grandparents" are called. They only put on "uniforms" and help their adult children when there is a crisis and they need to step in and help. Otherwise they are careful not to interfere and foster appropriate relationships with their children and grandchildren.

In the case that a wayward child confesses to parents his or her mistakes, why is it so important to be in a good place spiritually as parents?

To be able to know how to best handle the situation. To depend on the guidance they receive. To be more tender and less judgemental. To not miscommunicate love with acceptance of sin.

What is it meant that wayward children cannot be "lost" and that temple covenants can save families?

We have the promise of the prophets that they are not lost permanently lost if they are sealed in the temple ordinances and if the covenants are kept by the parents, in due time, they will not be lost.

Why is it important to provide optimal levels of autonomy and not be overprotective?

When kids are given latitude for decision making in areas that matters less, they feel trusted and empowered to choose rightly and conform to parental expectations that matter more. Do this to their age.

what makes divorce, poverty or disability easier on children

When rituals and routines such as family dinner, family prayer, assigned chores and responsibilities, and consistent wholesome recreational activities are in place

What are some modern-day cultural ideas that can discourage families from recognizing the value of family work?

Work is a burden It's easier and more efficient just to do it by yourself

protect

a. "Arouseone's sense of responsibility and actively work to ensure that children avoid risks or personal harm by modeling positive behaviors, mentoring children in personal abilities, and monitoring their behaviors and environments." b. Mentoring work addresses the complexities and burdens of life for children and advocates aiding children through sharing wisdom and support c. Spiritual work concerns assisting children in acquiring the values and character virtues needed to transition well through adulthood d. Fathers model appropriate and righteous behavior in their own actions and choices (living and modeling positive and righteous behaviors) e. Fathers mentor them to develop skills and knowledge needed for making their own wise choices in life. f. Monitor the environments and behaviors of their children

What is wrong with "hasty forgiveness" or "cheap grace"?

a. "Hasty forgiveness can... undermine self-respect, respect for the moral order, respect for the wrongdoer, and even respect for forgiveness." b. "Just as indignation over the mistreatment of others stands as emotional testimony that we care about them and their rights, so does resentment stand as emotional testimony that we care about ourselves and our rights"

Why is wholesome recreational activities in the family particularly helpful to adolescents?

a. Create a positive home environment where adolescents feel comfortable discussing conflicts and personal issues b. Also promote healthy identity development

Why is empathy crucial to repenting?

a. Empathy is the ability to understand the deep feelings of another person. b. Humility helps transgressors see themselves differently; empathy helps them see their victim differently. With empathy, the offender can know how it feels to be the offended person.

List some of the contemporary constraints on family recreation.

a. Factors assumed to limit the formation of leisure preferences and or to inhibit or prohibit participation and enjoyment of leisure. b. Lack of time c. Lack of skills and abilities d. The cost of participating e. Social isolation

Why is forgiveness so valuable for victims, even if the offender is not repentant?

a. For victims, forgiveness means being released from anger and developing empathy for the offender. b. "I forgive you" means that the feeling of injury no longer supports resentment, though the definition of forgiveness does not specify how the injured person arrives at this change of heart. c. The victim can experience the validation, freedom, and healing that come with apology and contrition even though the offender is not remorseful or is not available.

What are the benefits to children of seeing their parents engage in active physical activities, such as sports?

a. Habits children develop early in their lives stay with them and are difficult to change b. Found that youth observe their parents' behavior in sports programs and often mimic the behavior when they engage in sports programs on their own. c. Parents interested in helping their children become flexible and curious should spend quality playtime with them and model good sportsmanship, kindness and fair play. d. Helps them become more secure and independent and makes them feel loved

what are some forms of contemporary happiness that many people seek and why do they fail in creating lasting happiness

a. It is the transient states of feeling well b. The pursuit of comfort, pleasure and wealth in the form of material goods. Material goods do not last forever. c. Acquisition of these values is often a personal or solitary pursuit, not conducive to family well-being because family members are not a part of these pursuits.

List some of the benefits to families and individuals of forgiveness

a. Repairing or mediating damaged family relationships b. Individuals and families who are able to forgive important transgressions are likely to have better emotional and physical health and positive emotions improve health in a variety of ways.

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

a. Shame: involves a painful focus on self—feeling small, worthless or unworthy: " I am a bad person" b. Guilt is more likely to be associated with a particular act: "I did a bad thing." Involves tension, remorse, and regret—emotions that can motivate repentance.

Give some examples of ways that wholesome recreational activities might include service to others. What impact does this have on adolescents, according to research?

a. Tutoring peers, cleaning up the local environment and helping the elderly. b. Church programs, Boy Scouts, and after-school programs provide opportunities to serve. c. Produce positive outcomes, such as increased academic performance, positive self-concept and reduced teen pregnancy, delinquency and academic failure.

"independent" and its affect on couples

activities are those undertaken alone by individuals may have a negative effect (especially on wives)

"parallel and its affect on couples

activities involve multiple members of the family doing the same thing but not interacting with each other very much have small positive effect on marital satisfaction

coercive/authoritarian affects

antisocial withdrawn delinquent behavior use force to get their way externalizing anxiety depression

coercive discipline

as peremptory domineering, arbitrary and concerned with retaining hierarchical family relationships

What is the danger of being a parent who simply assumes that a child was "just born that way" rather than recognizing their true ability to make a difference in their children's lives?

causal attribution assigns the primary responsibility of the childs outcome on genetics the parents dont try to change the child

parenting style

constellations of behaviors that describe parent-child interactions over awide range of situations and that are presumed to create a pervasive interactional climate

spanking (lds)

counseled against any use of physical punishment with children

coercive/authoritarian style

deride, demean, or diminish kids by putting them in place, or down, mocking, or holding power over them.

Real forgiveness includes quickly providing legal pardon, condoning, or forgetting the serious transgressions of others. T/F

false

Research indicates that marital satisfaction and stability are dependent on finding someone with similar recreational interests. T/F

false

Since authoritative parents value allowing the right that children have to freely choose what they want to do, parents have little right to insist on their participation in family work. T/F

false

Since repentance and forgiveness are essentially spiritual processes, they are not currently studied by researchers in the social sciences T/F

false

The biological predisposition of a child has no impact upon their environment since the parents almost entirely control the child's environment throughout childhood. T/F

false

Who are typically the "kin keepers" that help maintain connections with other family members?

female family members

What are the benefits to children for being raised by grandparents when taken from a home with poorly functioning parents?

improved academic performance and fewer delinquint behaviors

confrontive discipline

involves firm, direction, forceful and consistent responses to child misbehavior.

hope for families who have family who stray?

is hope if their parents are righteous and their disobedient children can still be saved because of the parents' righteous efforts. The eternal sealing of faithful parents promises this blessing.

the three "L"s of authoritative parenting

love limits latitude

What is the life expectancy for men and women currently?

men: 75 women: 80

what are the main domains where parents can have the most influence?

moral and spiritual

Who bears the burden of change in order to restore trust and repair relationships, the offender or the offended?

offender

permissive style

overinduldge, neglect by leaving them be. fail to provide guidance and restraint. kids are equals in rights, but not responsibilites

impact of a mother's private religious behavior on the quality of her parenting

personal study and routines affect the quality the longer these routines are done, the closer they feel to the kids provide warmth, love, and support while setting clear and appropriate boundaries and expectations less likely for the unhealthy parenting

parenting toolbox

positive descipline books positive examples gospel teaching give time continue to grow and develop

What are the five fundamental principles of generative fathering

preside partner present provide protect

"joint" and its affect on couples

recreational activities involve high levels of communication and interdependence. strengthen relationships by promoting interaction, communication and coorperation lead to the highest marital satisfaction Increased interaction may lead to more conflict, but when resolved well then conflict is beneficial

what does it mean to be a mother in Israel

sheri dew- "Everyone of us can show by words and by deed that the work of women in the Lord's Kingdom is magnificent and holy. I repeat: we are all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and help lead the rising generation through the dangerous streets of morality."

premortal life influence on disposition, desire, and mentality

the same, but change due to enviornment 1.all had spiritual personality in preexistence 2. our spiritual character plays a part in our ddm 3. variety among spirits 4. response in children afected by spirit 5. each is different by genes and spirit

"be present" (name 3)

to be available and aware of a child's needs such that he or she develops in an atmosphere of security and love 1. physical-be there physical availabilty and accessibitlity 2.be aware-psychological mental sensitivity to needs and respond 3. give care-practical give direct care, teaching, and guiding

Although scientific evidence has continued to demonstrate the importance of a mother's care, motherhood has been questioned and devalued in today's broader culture. T/F

true

Despite the best efforts of loving and dedicated parents who have taught their children true principles, some children may stray and be drawn away by forces beyond the parents' control. T/F

true

Extensive hours of non-mother childcare (30 hours per week) during the child's early years have been associated in research with less social competence, more problem behaviors, negative moods, and aggression. T/F

true

In authoritative homes, parents are clear and firm about rules and expectations. T/F

true

Parents may tailor their parenting to children of different temperaments or challenges and still be congruent in their authoritative parenting style with their children. T/F

true

Research indicates that people who focus on pleasure, wealth, and material goods are likely to experience higher levels of anxiety and depression and poor social functioning. T/F

true

Research on extended families shows that the vast majority of adult children visit their parents regularly and maintain close emotional relationships with them. T/F

true

Studies show that maternal sensitivity and warm, loving interactions are the strongest, most consistent predictor of her child's cognitive, social, and emotional development across development T/F

true

The Atonement and sealing ordinances are sufficiently powerful to eventually bring salvation to wayward children of parents who diligently seek to keep the temple covenants. T/F

true

H.B. Lee "The most important of the Lord's work you and I will ever do will be....

within the walls of our own homes

Describe some ways that authoritative parents grant autonomy or latitude to their children.

would you like to clean up the play room or clean up the living room? you have the next two hours to finish your chore or there will be another if its not done

ways that a father can "partner" with the child

~2-way relationship children are nurtured to form their individual identities, master life skills, build relationships with others, acquire knowledge and moral understanding and develop their full potential as human beings and children of a loving earthly father and Heavenly Father ~earn the respect and confidence of their children through their loving relationship with them. ~give time and presence in their social, educational and spiritual activities ~connect with their children