AP Lang GRS Exam #2: Concise Diction

A person who depends on constant approval from others is usually insecure.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 1. A person who has dependence on constant approval from others is usually insecure.

Before ending the meeting, the chair offered many ideas.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 10. Before finalizing the meeting, the chair of the group offered a plethora of ideas.

Before Derrell made a serious purchase, such as a car, he studied the competition.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 11. Before Derrell made a serious purchase, such as a car, he made a study of the competition.

Living in a diverse community has many benefits.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 12. Many benefits accrue from residing in a heterogeneous community.

The press release explained the senator's stance on homeland security.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 13. The press release gave an explanation for the senator's stance on homeland security.

Too many of our colleagues have become stubborn because they're bogged down in trivial concerns.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 14. A recalcitrant attitude has resulted from too many of our colleagues becoming mired in quotidian concerns.

Maya sympathizes with students who experience test anxiety.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 15. Maya has a lot of sympathy for students who experience test anxiety.

Let's discuss the essay you read for homework.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 2. Let's have a discussion of the essay you read for homework.

Khaya finally realized that she preferred research to teaching.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 3. Khaya finally came to the realization that she preferred research to teaching.

A key step towards losing weight is reducing the amount of food you consume.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 4. A key step toward losing weight is to make a reduction in the amount of food you consume.

An arrogant manager rarely contributes to a pleasant workplace.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 5. A supercilious manager rarely contributes to a felicitous workplace.

The faculty is recommending students for the honor society.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 6. Recommendations are being made by the faculty for the honor society.

Colin applied to work part-time during the holidays.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 7. Colin filled out his application to work part-time during the holidays.

We should seriously consider the possibility of traveling to China this summer.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 8. We should give serious consideration to the possibility of traveling to China this summer.

The president intends to hear both viewpoints.

Identify awkward or pretentious diction in the following sentence, and revise each sentence as necessary to improve clarity. 9. The president has every intention of hearing both viewpoints.

Examples: - "institutional approval keeps in the forefront of consciousness" - "mutual reflection of these self-secure integrities" - the vagaries of "culturally dangerous" and "social bond" - the cliché "hall of mirrors"

In "Politics and the English Language" (p. 1028), George Orwell cites the following paragraph as an example of "bad writing." Identify the pretentious diction present. On the one side we have the free personality: by definition it is not neurotic, for it has neither conflict nor dream. Its desires, such as they are, are transparent, for they are just what institutional pattern would alter their number and intensity; there is little in them that is natural, irreducible, or culturally dangerous. But on the other side, the social bond itself is nothing but the mutual reflection of these self-secure integrities. Recall the definition of love. Is not this the very picture of a small academic? Where is there a place in this hall of mirrors for either personality or fraternity?