Chapter 4- Verbal Messages

Nonverbal massages

Verbal pauses (ah, um, er) Responses that dont use words (haha, ugh) Facial expressions, eye movements, gestures

Distinguish between facts and inferences: Avoid fact-inference Confusion

-Barrierso to clear thinking can be created when inferences are treated as facts- a hazard called FACT-INFERENCE CONFUSION - "She is wearing a blue jacket" (is a factual statement you can see the jacket). - "She is harboring an illogical hatred" (inferential statement you say this based on what you see and your own conclusions) ^ There is no gramatical difference to be observed between these sentences so observing what is fact and what is inference can be difficult when the information is presented in the same mannor. P.103

Messages Can be onymous or Anonymous

-onymous or 'signed' - the author of the message is clearly identified (textbooks, news, articles, ftf comm) - anonymous - the author is not identified. (On faculty evaluations questionaires or RateMyProfessor everything is published anonymously). With anonymous messages you dont have to deal with the consequences of your message good or ill. The presumption is that anonymity encourages honesty and openness. Anonymoity can also inspire outragous messages that are too extreme because the sender knows they are hidden.

Six guidelines for using verbal messages effectively

1- Extensionalize: avoid intensional orientation 2- see the individual: avoid allness 3- Distinguish between facts and inferences: avoid fact-inference confusion 4-discriminate among: avoid indiscrimination 5- talk about the middle: avoid polarization 6- update messaged: avoid static evaluation

What are the principles of verbal messages?

1- Messages are packed 2-meanings are in people 3-meanings are denotative and connotative 4-messages vary in abstraction 5-messages vary in politeness 6-messages can be onymous or anonymous 7-messages can decieve 8-messages vary in assertiveness 9-messages can confirm and disconfirm 10-messages vary in cultural sensitivity

See the Individual: Avoid Allness

ALLNESS- when you assume that you know all about either a person, another's actions, or a subject. You dont you can't know all of someone else's thoughts when you dont even know all of your own. - EX. If you go on a date with someone and in the first hour they seem really boring then you will assume from then on that their like that in every situation, not taking into account that they many be shy at first or uncomfortable with their setting, then you will treat said person as dull thus fufilling your own prophecy. -et cetera used to remind yourself that there is always more to be said or considered

Verbal messages

Are those sent with words, refers to words no to orality Consists of both oral and written words Does not include laughter, vocalized pauses (um, er, ah) , or responses made wihtout words (haha, ugh)

Messages Vary in Abstraction

Entertainment - the most abstract term very broad. Could conjur up the idea of TV, radio, music, film, etc. Film - more specific than 'entertainment'. Could mean russian or spanish or american film. American Film - more specific than 'film'. Excludes all film that aren't american Classic American film - further limits American film to a relatively small group of highly acclaimed films All About Eve - specifies concretely the one item to which reference is made. Although it could conjure differing parts or aspect of the film to different people the term is the most concrete and specific of this list. Each term is a different level of abstraction - abstract and general vs. specific and concrete. Specific terms are usually the better choice in trying to guide your listerners' minds effectively.

Discriminate Among: Avoid Indiscrimination

INDISCRIMINATIOIN- a form of sterotyping- occurs when you focus on classes of individuals, objects, or events and fails to see that each is unique and needs to be looked at individually. EX- He's just like the rest of them: lazy, stupid, a real slob | I really dont want another ethnic on the board of directors. One is enough for me | Read a romance Novel? I read one when I was 16. That was enough to convince me. INDEX- an antidote to indiscrimination - a mental subscript that identifies each individual in a group as an individual.

Extensionalize: Avoid Intensional Orientation

INTENSIONAL ORIENTATION- -reffers to the tendency to view people, objects, and events in terms of how they're talked about or labeled rather than in terms of how they actually exist -when you see people through your schemata instead of on the basis of this specific behavior. -Ex. When you think a professor is hard via peoples comments before acutally getting to know the professor yourself. EXTENSIONAL ORIENTATION- -is the opposite. The tendency to be guided by what you see happening rather than by the way something or someone is talked about or labeled.

Messages Vary in Assertiveness

If you disagree with other people in a group, do you speak your mind? Or do you allow others to take advantage of you because you're relucent to say what you want? The answer speaks to your degree of assertiveness. -Asertive people operate with an "I win, you win" philosophy -Cultural: assertiveness is more likely to be extolled in individualist cultures than collectivist cultures -Communicate assertively- 1. Describe the problem (use I- messages that avoid blames), 2. State how othis problem affects you (how you feel), 3. Propose solutions that are workable (propose solutions that allow the person to save face), 4. Confirm Understanding.

Message Meanings can deceive

Lying refers to the acto of sending messages with the intention of giving another person information you believe to be false. Lying involves sending some kind of verbal and or nonverbal message; it also requires reception by another person. The message must be sent to deceive intentionally or mislead. Cultural differences exist with lying. In Japan lying about good deeds that they do as positive (a culture that emphasizes modesty), but taking credit for these same good deeds is seen negatively. FOUR TYPES OF LIES -PROSOCIAL DECEPTION: TO ACHIEVE SOME GOOD lies defined to benefit the person lied to or lied about. Ex. Praising a person's effort to give him or her more confidence or to tell someone they look great to simply make them feel good are prosocial lies. Ex. Santa Clause, Tooth fairy -SELF-ENHANCEMENT DECEPTION: TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD mentioning your good grades but omiting the poorer ones. Recounting your generous acts and omitting any selfish ones, embellishing your competence, lieing about your financial situation, presenting yourself as more successful than you are. Impression-management strategies may be used simply to highlight what is already true about you and that others might not see at first glance -this is not deceptive. -SELFISH DECEPTION: TO PROTECT YOURSELF these lies are designed to protect yourself. Not answering the phone because you are too busy. Implying that you did most of the work for the report- protecting yourself but also hurting the reputation of your colleague. Hiding an extrarelational affair as the classic example of selfish deception. -ANTISOCIAL DECEPTION: TO HARM SOMEONE These lies are designed to hurt another person. Inclue- spreading false rumors about someone you dislike or falsely accusing an opposing candidate of some wrongdoing. Falsely accusing another person of a wrong you did yourself.

Talk about the Middle: Avoid Polarization

POLARIZATION- the fallacy of either/or. Good/bad. Positive/negative. EX. Well, are you for or against us? College had better get me a good job. Otherwise, this has been a big waste of time. We can think and talk in opposites and the difficulty we have in in thinking and talking about the middle. Dont allow the ready availability of extreme termes to obscure the reality of what lies in between.

Messages Vary in Politeness

Politeness in interpersonal communication involves behavior that allows others to maintain both positive and negative face. Positive face- the need to be viewed positively by others, to be though of favorably. Negative face- the need to be autonomous, to have the right to do as we wish. Cultures differ in how they define politeness. Cultures differ in how important they consider politeness as compared with openness or honesty. Cultures differ in the rules for expressing politeness or impoliteness and the punishments for violating the accepted rules. Your personality and your professional training influence your degree of politness and how you express politeness. POLITENESS AND DIRECTNESS -messages that support or attack face needs are often discussed in terms of direct and indirect language. -FTA face-threatening acts when someone tries to attack face - Directness is usually less polite and may infringe on a person's need to maintain negative face (ex. "Write me a recommendation", "Lend me $100") -Indirectness allows a eprson to maintain autonomy (negative face) and provides an acceptable way for the person to refuse your request. (Ex. "would it be possible for you to write me a recommendation?" "Do you happen to have a spare $100 that I might borrow?") Indirect messages allow you to express a desire or preference without insulting or offending anyone. -Indirect statements may be percieved negatively if they are seen as being weaker and less authoritative than more direct statements. -Direct statements may be percieved as straightforward and honest white indirect may be seen as manipulative or underhanded. - Communication in High context cultures is generally indirect -Communication in Low context cultures is generally direct POLITENESS IN INCLUSION AND EXCLUSION -inclusive messages include all people present, acknowledge the relevance of others, and are considered polite -exclusive messages shut out specific people or entire cultural groups and are considered impolite. Ex. When a group of doctores are in a larger group of non doctor friends yet still use medical jargon they are excluding others present from the conversation. When people of the same nationality get together within a larger, more heterogeneous group and use the language of thier nationality. Also referencing experiences not shared by all may exclude people (lux vacations, having children, sports) POLITENESS ONLINE -netiquette

Ethics in Interpersonal Communication

Prosocial, self-enhancement, and selfish-deception lies are considered ethical Antisocial lies are considered unethical

Update Messages: Avoid Static Evaluation

STATIC EVALUATION- when you retain an evaluation of a person, despite the inevitable changes in the person T.S. Eliot, in The Cocktail Party, "what we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then... at every meeting we are meeting a stranger" p.106

Messages Can Confirm and Disconfirm

The extent to which you acknowledge another person. Disconfirmation is dismissing both a person's emotions and them as a person. A comm petters in which you ignore a person's presence as well as that person's communications. Often lead to a loss of self-esteem. This is not the same as rejection. Rejection is you disagree with the person, you indicate your unwillingness to accept something they said. Disconfirmation is you denying the person's significance and that what they say does not count. Confirmation is acknowledging a person's feelings as valid and them as a person. You acknowledge tha presence of the other person and also indicate your acceptance of this person. Lead to gains in self-esteem and reduce apprehension. 94. -Racism, Heterosexism, Ageism, Sexism

Messages Vary in Cultural Sensitivity

Use appropiate cultural identifiers; otherwise, you'll be sure to offend someone. P.99-100

What are the 2 major signal systems?

Verbal and nonverbal

Affectional Orientation

Secual orientation and affectional orientation are preferred to sexual preference or sexual status as most scientific thinking holds that sexuality is not a mater of choice.

Meanings are Denotative and Connotative

The Denotation of a word is its ovjective definition. Death to a doctor may mean the moment at which the heart stops beating. But Death to a mother whose son just died means more, it recalls the son's youth, ambitions, and family. The connotation is its subjective or emotional meaning. Denotative - nodding yes in response to something, simply says yes Connotative - wink , smile, overly rapid speech rate- these express your feelings rather than objective information. Denotative- the meaning of the message is universal Connotative- the meaning is extremely personal Snarl and Purr words are connotative because they dont describe people or events they reveal the speaker's feelings about these people or events (Snarl words are highly negative "she's and idiot", "he's a pig") (Purr words are highly positive "She's a real sweetheart", "He's a dream") Misunderstandings are almost always centered on connotative differences

Metacommunication

The ability to talk about your talk The prefix Meta- means "about" metacommunication is communication about communication, metalanguage is language about language, metamessage is a message about a message Ex. When you send someone a sarcastic email with a smiley face at the end, the smiley face communicates about your communication; it says somthing like "This message is not to be taken literally; im trying to be humerous" Ex. When you feedforward with "im not sure about this, but ..." you're communicating a message about a message; you're commenting on the message you're about to send and sking that it be understood witht he qualificationt hat you may be wront. To increase metacommunication effectiveness 1. Explain the feelings 2. Give clear feedforward 3.paraphrase 4.Ask for clarification

Messages are Packed

When trying to decode a message make sure to look at the whole package, meaning the combination of verbal and nonverbal cues. If someone is yelling they wont be smiling while doing it. Similarly if some says "oh its great to see you" but doesnt make eye contact there are conflicting messages coming through that contradict eachother. Messages are packed with more than just what you hear or read they come in packages combined verbal and nonverbal elements

Message Meanings are in People

You dont recieve meaning you create meaning. Construct meaning out of the messages you recieve combined with your own social and cultural perspectives. Webster dictionary's definition of love vs. Pedro's definition of "i love you" - meanings are not in words but in people. Seek elaboration and clarification because what may sound controlling to one person may sound like a simple request to another person. Also the meanings you create can change. If Paul says "i love you" it means one thing, but if he also says it to 3 other people it changes meaning.