Chapter 6

Interpersonal conflict

occurs in interactions where there are real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or opposing viewpoints. Interpersonal conflict may be expressed verbally or nonverbally along a continuum ranging from a nearly imperceptible cold shoulder to a very obvious blowout

Mutual hostility

occurs when the frustration of repeated conflict leads to negative emotions and increases the likelihood of verbal aggression

Repeating

reminding the other person of your complaint (what you want them to start/stop doing)

Functional aspects of interpersonal Communication

instrumental goals, relationship-maintenance goals, and self-presentation goals.

Johari Window (Unknown)

it contains information not known to ourselves or others

Relationship rituals

take on more symbolic meaning than do relationship routines and may be variations on widely recognized events

Bargaining

where you make proposals and concessions

Conflict management styles

which are communication strategies that attempt to avoid, address, or resolve a conflict

Effects of self-disclosure

An individual self-discloses, the recipient of the disclosure reacts, and the original discloser processes the reaction. How the receiver interprets and responds to the disclosure are key elements of the process.

Identifying conflict patterns

Four common triggers for conflict are criticism, demand, cumulative annoyance, and rejection

Process of self- disclosure (Thoughts)

I included a judgment about my experiences

Culture aspects of interpersonal communication

Just as large groups of people create cultures through shared symbols (language), values, and rituals, people in relationships also create cultures at a smaller level.

Emotional Vocabulary

The more specific we can be when we are verbally communicating our emotions, the less ambiguous they will be for the person decoding our message

Cumulative annoyance

a building of frustration or anger that occurs over time, eventually resulting in a conflict interaction

Relational storytelling

a means to which we create a relational culture. Storytelling is important part of how we create culture in larger contexts and how we create a uniting and meaningful storyline for our relationships.

one-upping

a quick reaction to communication from another person that escalates the conflict

Serial arguing

a repeated pattern of disagreement over an issue

Interpersonal Communication Competence

ability to communicate effectively and appropriately in personal relationships

Emotions and interpersonal communication

it's important to know what causes and influences emotions so we can better understand our own emotions and better respond to others when they display emotions.

Johari Window

applied to a variety of interpersonal interactions in order to help us understand what parts of ourselves are open, hidden, blind, and unknown

Process of self- disclosure (Needs)

as the relationship progresses you become to need information

Social penetration theory

as we get to know someone, we engage in a reciprocal process of self-disclosure that changes in breadth and depth and affect show a relationship develops.

Relationship schemata

blueprints or plans that show the inner workings of a relationship

Relationship cultures

climates established through interpersonal relationships that are unique to the relational partners but based on cultural and social norms

Emotion sharing

communicating the circumstances, thoughts, and feelings surrounding an emotional event.

Relationship maintenance goals

communication designed to maintain a positive relationship EX: celebrating occasions, checking in regularly via telephone, social media, or hanging out face to face

mind reading

communication in which one person attributes something to the other using generalizations

Relationship routines

communicative acts that create a sense of predictability in a relationship that is comforting

Dispositional attribution

connects the cause of her disclosure to her personality by thinking, for example, that she is outgoing, inappropriate for the workplace, or fishing for information

Criticism

evaluate another person's personality, behavior, appearance, or life choices, may lead to conflict

Relationship rules

explicitly communicated guidelines for what should and should not be done in certain contexts.

Instrumental goals

gaining compliance, getting information we need, or asking for support. EX: ask your roommate to take you to work; inquire about your time off to your manager

Demand

if the demand is viewed as unfair or irrelevant

Arguing with assurances

imply that there is a willingness to work on solving the conflict in the future, which provides a sense of stability that can benefit the relationship

Process of self- disclosure (feeling)

includes expressing an emotion

Primary emotions

innate emotions that are experienced for short periods of time and appear rapidly, usually as a reaction to an outside stimulus, and are experienced similarly across cultures

Emotional intelligence

involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one's thinking and action

Johari Window (Blind)

known to others but not to us

Johanna Window (open)

known to us and to others

Johanna Window (Hidden)

known to us but not to others.

Rejection

lead to conflict when one person's comments or behaviors are perceived as ignoring or invalidating the other person

Self- Presentation goals

manage how others perceived us by adapting to situations and contexts- as competent, as friendly. EX: You start a new job, and to be perceived as competent and friendly, so you alter your behaviors and communication to adapt to this environment.

Process of self- disclosure

many types of information we can disclose, but we have to determine whether or not we will proceed with disclosure by considering the situation and the potential risks

Secondary emotions

not as innate as primary emotions, and they do not have a corresponding facial expression that makes them universally recognizable

Handling conflict better

notice patterns of conflict in specific relationships and to generally have an idea of what causes you to react negatively and what your reactions usually are.

Emotional contagion

our expressions of emotion are infectious or the spreading of emotion from one person to another.

Negotiation steps and skills

prenegotiation, opening, exploration, bargaining, and settlement

Expressing Emotions

reflects on the family and cultural group rather than only on the individual.

Relationship norms

similar to routines and rituals in that they develop naturally in a relationship and generally conform to or are adapted from what is expected and acceptable in the larger culture or society

Display rules

sociocultural norms that influence emotional expression. Display rules influence who can express emotions, which emotions can be expressed, and how intense the expressions can be.

Competing

style indicates a high concern for self and a low concern for other

Accommodating

style indicates a low concern for self and a high concern for other and is often viewed as passive or submissive, in that someone complies with or obliges another without providing personal input

Collaborating

style involves a high degree of concern for self and other and usually indicates investment in the conflict situation and the relationship

Avoiding

style of conflict management often indicates a low concern for self and a low concern for other, and no direct communication about the conflict takes place.

Anxious attachment

style report a desire for closeness but anxieties about being abandoned

Avoidant attachment

style report discomfort with closeness and a reluctance to depend on others.

Secure attachment

style report that their relationship with their parents is warm and that their parents also have a positive and caring relationship with each other

Compromising

style shows a moderate concern for self and other and may indicate that there is a low investment in the conflict and/or the relationship

Situational attribution

the cause of a disclosure with the context or surroundings in which it takes place.

Attachment Theory

the evolutionary perspective, because researchers claim that it is in our nature, as newborns, to create social bonds with our primary caretaker.

Interpersonal Communication

the process of exchanging messages between people whose lives mutually influence one another in unique ways in relation to social and cultural norms

Interpersonal attribution

the relationship between sender and receiver as the cause of the disclosure.

Self-disclosure and social media

the willingness of many users to self-disclose personal information ranging from moods to religious affiliation, relationship status, and personal contact information has led to an increase in privacy concerns

Personal idioms

they create a sense of belonging due to the inside meaning shared by the relational partners

Social comparison theory

we evaluate ourselves based on how we compare with others

Process of self- disclosure (observation)

what we have done and experienced

Settlement

you want to decide on one of the proposals and then summarize the chosen proposal and any related concessions

Pre negotiation

you want to prepare for the encounter. If possible, let the other person know you would like to talk to them, and preview the topic, so they will also have the opportunity to prepare

Exploration

you want to set the tone for the interaction because the other person will be likely to reciprocate

Negotiation

you want to set the tone for the interaction because the other person will be likely to reciprocate