Chapter 8: Communicating in Intimate Relationships

C. Initiating

"Winking" at someone on an online dating service would be an example of which of the following? A. Experimenting B. Intensifying C. Initiating D. Bonding

B. integration

Abby is feeling frustrated with her boyfriend, Noah. He likes to play online games, and Abby feels that Noah spends too much time playing and not enough time being with her. Noah loves playing online and doesn't want to give it up, but he also loves Abby and wants her to be happy. They finally agree to compromise: Abby brings over her homework and sits with Noah while he plays. They can talk about what is happening and spend time together, while both get something accomplished. Abby and Noah have incorporated what strategy to manage a dialectical tension? A. segmentation B. integration C. reaffirmation D. alternation

A. Have realistic expectations.

After Tyrese and Ryan move in together, Ryan finds himself disappointed. He thought they'd spend all their time together, but Tyrese still spends time with his other friends. Ryan also discovers that Tyrese is messy, even though Ryan expected him to be immaculate. To avoid this type of disappointment, Ryan could have used what strategy? A. Have realistic expectations. B. Emphasize excitement and positivity. C. Handle conflict constructively. D. Manage dialectical tensions.

A. stagnating

After many years, it is not uncommon for relationships to come into which stage, when partners feel as if they are "going through the motions" and the relationship stops growing? A. stagnating B. differentiating C. circumscribing D. avoiding

B. intensifying

Alex and Madison have been on a few dates and really like each other. They decide to have a picnic in the park with all of their friends so they can meet each other's social circles. After the picnic, they sit on the beach and talk about their fears and secrets about the past. At the end of the date, Alex tells Madison, "You are really special to me." Alex and Madison are in the _________ stage of relationship development. A. bonding B. intensifying C. integrating D. experimenting

D. avoiding

Ben and Sasha have not been happy in their relationship for a few months. Sasha finds herself making excuses when Ben goes to kiss or hug her, claiming a migraine or an illness. Ben finds reasons not to be home at night; he likes to work late or go out with his friends. Ben and Sasha are most likely in which stage of relationship deterioration? A. circumscribing B. terminating C. stagnating D. avoiding

D. bonding

Beyond serving as a public expression of a couple's commitment, which stage of relationship development also allows individuals to gain support and approval of people in their social networks? A. intensifying B. integrating C. experimenting D. bonding

D. social

Caroline does not enjoy spending time with her husband's family at all. She finds them to be overbearing and pretentious, and she's sure that her mother-in-law does not like her. However, because of her __________ commitment to her husband, Caroline spends holidays and some vacations with her in-laws. A. legal B. financial C. emotional D. social

A. investment

Compared to other relationships, intimate relationships usually involve a higher degree of ___________, or commitment of our energies and other resources. A. investment B. interdependence C. dialects D. costs

D. fulfillment.

Culture affects all of the following expectations for intimate relationships EXCEPT A. sexuality. B. love. C. exclusivity. D. fulfillment.

A. volatile

During conflicts that arise in their relationship, Gavin and Mia tend to be very negative and quick to express anger and disappointment. They have a hard time listening to each another and instead spend arguments trying to persuade the other person to agree with a particular point of view. Although their arguments are heated, intense periods of affection and "making up" often follow. Which term best applies to Gavin and Mia as a couple? A. volatile B. hostile C. conflict-avoiding D. validating

C. experimenting

During the _________ stage of relationship development, you might ask such questions as "What movies do you like?" and "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" to gain more information about a potential partner. A. initiating B. integrating C. experimenting D. bonding

C. roles

Family _________ are based on the social and emotional functions that your behaviors serve within your family. A. norms B. rituals C. roles D. positions

B. secrets

Family _________ often contain information the family considers private and not appropriate for sharing with outsiders. A. roles B. secrets C. rituals D. stories

A. differentiating

If Jamie begins to view his girlfriend's differences as annoying, he is most likely in the ________ stage of relationship deterioration. A. differentiating B. avoiding C. circumscribing D. stagnating

C. are voluntary, and some are not.

If a couple stays together "for the kids," they do so because some romantic relationships A. involve same-sex partners, and some do not. B. are based on love, and some are not. C. are voluntary, and some are not. D. are exclusive, and some are not.

C. investment.

If you think you are putting more into your relationship than your partner is, it's easy to feel resentful that there isn't an equal level of A. interdependence. B. dialect. C. investment. D. intimacy.

B. interdependence

If your best friend gets a job in another city, you would most likely not sell your home and follow him or her. However, if your spouse or partner got a job in another city, you would seriously consider the possibility of moving. Your different reactions to the same situation, but in relation to different people, correspond to which of the following? A. investment B. interdependence C. intimacy D. commitment

D. disconfirming.

If your friend is telling you about a particularly emotional issue she is having and your response is simply "It'll be fine," your message is A. appropriate. B. confirming. C. empathic. D. disconfirming.

B. voluntariness

In some cultures, the practice of arranged marriages is common and accepted because of the effect that culture has on expectations for which of the following? A. exclusivity B. voluntariness C. sexuality D. love

A. legal obligations

In the film Precious, the title character is physically, sexually, and mentally abused by her mother. In addition to throwing pans at Precious and calling her names, Precious's mother either starves her daughter or forces her to overeat and berates her for going to school. It is clear early in the film that Precious's mother has failed in her _______________ toward her daughter, neglecting her responsibilities to house, feed, educate, and care for her child. A. legal obligations B. genetic ties C. role behaviors D. psychological responsibilities

D. conflict

It is often the way couples handle _______________, rather than how much of it they experience, that influences the success of their relationships. A. commitment B. intimacy C. problems D. conflict

C. autonomy versus connection

James has always been close to his mother, but as he enters adolescence, he wants to spend less and less time with her. He finds her to be overbearing and overprotective. However, at times he finds himself craving the security of the relationship he used to have with his mother and wants to connect again emotionally with her. James is experiencing which dialectical tension? A. commitment versus insecurity B. openness versus closedness C. autonomy versus connection D. predictability versus novelty

C. story

Jamila loves how every time she brings a new friend by her grandparents' house, her grandfather insists on showing pictures of Jamila as a young ballerina. He tells humorous details about how she couldn't keep time and could never remember the steps. Despite its numerous retellings, this family _________ still makes Jamila and her grandfather laugh as they share their history. A. secret B. role C. story D. ritual

A. confirming

Lily likes her classmate Beth but finds her to be disingenuous at times. After class, Beth asks, "What are you doing right now?" If Lily says nothing or says that she is going home, Beth then asks for a ride home. Lily wishes that Beth would use the ______________ message of spontaneity and just ask directly for a ride home instead of "trapping" Lily into it. A. confirming B. disconfirming C. honest D. positive

C. are exclusive, and some are not.

Lucas and Chloe have been together for two years. They are fully committed to each another and their relationship. However, they have chosen to have an "open" relationship, wherein romantic or sexual involvement with others outside the relationship is accepted. Although their family and friends don't understand the relationship, Lucas and Chloe feel that what they have is strong. This relationship illustrates the idea that some romantic relationships A. are voluntary, and some are not. B. are based on love, and some are not. C. are exclusive, and some are not. D. involve same-sex partners, and some do not.

B. defensiveness

Natalie and Xavier have been having difficulties in their relationship for a long time. They've stopped being kind to each another and do not treat each other respectfully. In one particular argument, Xavier accuses Natalie of spending too much time with her friends, but she fires back that he ignores her when they are home. He says that he ignores her because she is always nagging him. Natalie and Xavier's portrayal of themselves as victims and their denial of responsibility for their own behavior are examples of which of the following? A. contempt B. defensiveness C. criticism D. stonewalling

C. criticism

One of the first warning signs of distress in a relationship happens when partners engage in _________, or complaints about each other. A. contempt B. stonewalling C. criticism D. defensiveness

A. families

Our relationships with which of the following groups are distinguished by the depth of our engagement, as well as the fact that they can be both positive and negative forces in our lives? A. families B. friends C. coworkers D. romantic partners

D. predictability versus novelty

Partners who have been together for ten years should not only appreciate the orderliness and certainty of the relationship but also make sure to incorporate different activities to provide change and newness. By balancing these two needs, a couple can successfully navigate which dialectical tension? A. commitment versus insecurity B. openness versus closedness C. autonomy versus connection D. predictability versus novelty

D. equal to

People in same-sex relationships report levels of relationship satisfaction ________ those of opposite-sex dating, engaged, and married couples. A. different from B. lower than C. greater than D. equal to

D. stonewalling

People who engage in _______________ stop looking at their partners, stop speaking, and stop responding to what their partners are saying. A. defensiveness B. contempt C. criticism D. stonewalling

B. genetic tie

Ruby's father has never been around. He left her mother shortly after Ruby's birth and calls to check in on Ruby only once or twice a year. He has never sent a birthday card or come to see Ruby in a school show. When Ruby is asked about her father, she simply tells people she doesn't have a father. Ruby probably believes that although sharing a __________ makes two people biological relatives, it does not necessarily make them family. A. legal obligation B. genetic tie C. role D. last name

D. commitment

Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett had an almost 30-year relationship that, despite its ups and downs, did not end until Fawcett's death in 2009. O'Neal was by Fawcett's side through her long battle with cancer and was with her when she died. Despite their many difficulties, this couple had a deep level of ___________ toward one another. A. intimacy B. interdependence C. closeness D. commitment

A. scarce resources

Saria and Emily have been together for several years and are raising two children together. Lately, their relationship has had some conflict because they disagree about where to send their children to school. Saria wants an exclusive private school, but Emily is concerned about the cost. She doesn't think they can afford Saria's plan, so Emily wants the children to attend public school. Saria thinks that if they gave up vacations and dinners out, they could afford the private school. What is this conflict about? A. scarce resources B. interference from another party C. incompatible goals D. unrealistic expectations

C. openness versus closedness

Self-disclosure is most closely connected to which dialectical tension? A. predictability versus novelty B. commitment versus insecurity C. openness versus closedness D. autonomy versus connection

A. polygamous

Some people in _____________ relationships report that they appreciate the closeness and intimacy they share with multiple partners, whereas others indicate feelings of jealousy and resentment that lead to increased conflict. A. polygamous B. multiple C. monogamous D. committed

D. ritual.

Spending every Halloween scaring trick-or-treaters who come to the door would be an example of a family A. story. B. secret. C. habit. D. ritual.

A. roles

The Jones family is having conflict over where to go for vacation next summer. Mac, the father, is annoyed, blaming his wife, Jen, for the conflict because she insists that the decision be based on a vote. Jen is placating everyone, trying to keep the family calm. Meanwhile, Mac and Jen's son Jett is trying to use logic and reason to persuade everyone to agree to his point of view. His twin Jade is uncomfortable with the entire situation, so she is trying to distract everyone with jokes and offhand comments. This scenario is typical of how most conflicts unfold in the Jones household because the Jones family members typically fall into these _________ during conflict episodes. A. roles B. rituals C. stories D. secrets

A. integrating

The ____________ stage of relationship development occurs when a deep commitment has formed and the partners share a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity. A. integrating B. intensifying C. bonding D. initiating

D. instrumental

What is the most common form of communication among romantic partners? A. emotional B. factual C. conflict D. instrumental

C. circumscribing

When romantic partners enter the ___________ stage of relationship deterioration, they begin to decrease the quality and quantity of their communication with each other. A. differentiating B. stagnating C. circumscribing D. avoiding

C. emotional

When you listen to your sister's problems, even when they seem trivial to you, you are exhibiting what kind of commitment to her? A. personal B. social C. emotional D. legal

B. obsessive relational intrusion

Which of the following describes engaging in specific behaviors aimed at increasing intimacy with the target of a person's affection, including spying, sending the target unwelcome expressions of attraction or love, and engaging in sexually harassing behaviors? A. relationship compulsion B. obsessive relational intrusion C. stalking D. obsessive-compulsive disorder

D. commitment versus insecurity

Which of the following is NOT a common dialectical tension in intimate relationships? A. autonomy versus connection B. openness versus closedness C. predictability versus novelty D. commitment versus insecurity

A. psychic commitment

Which of the following is NOT a form of commitment that is common in intimate relationships? A. psychic commitment B. emotional commitment C. social commitment D. legal commitment

C. orientation

Which of the following is NOT a strategy for managing dialectical tensions? A. segmentation B. alternation C. orientation D. recalibration

D. disapproval

Which of the following is NOT one of John Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"? A. contempt B. stonewalling C. criticism D. disapproval

C. spontaneity

Which of the following is considered a confirming message? A. control B. strategy C. spontaneity D. certainty

A. Being married raises a person's likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors.

Which of the following statements is NOT true about marriages and long-term romantic relationships? A. Being married raises a person's likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors. B. Married people live longer and healthier lives than do those who never marry. C. Married people are less likely to suffer from psychological disorders, such as depression, than are never-married people. D. Single people are more likely than married people to use an illicit drug such as marijuana.

C. Relationship formation is not the same in all cultures.

Which of the following statements is the most accurate about relationship formation? A. The stages of relational development are exclusive to opposite-sex romantic couples. B. Relationships develop quite differently online than they do in real life. C. Relationship formation is not the same in all cultures. D. Most couples go through the stages of relationship development in the same way.

B. monogamy

Which of the following terms can be defined as participation in only one romantic relationship at a time and avoidance of romantic or sexual involvement with others outside of that relationship? A. infidelity B. monogamy C. loyalty D. commitment

B. conflict

Which of the following terms describes an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals? A. arguing B. conflict C. disagreeing D. differentiating

C. intimacy

Which of the following terms refers to the desire to stay in a relationship no matter what happens? A. closeness B. commitment C. intimacy D. interdependence

B. dialectical tensions

Which term describes conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires in relationships? A. fights B. dialectical tensions C. conflicts of interest D. emotional tensions

C. interdependence

Which term describes the dynamic, common in families and close relationships, in which one person's actions influence the lives of others? A. commitment B. investment C. interdependence D. intimacy

C. validating

Which word best describes romantic partners who talk about their disagreements openly and cooperatively? A. volatile B. hostile C. validating D. conflict-avoiding

D. romantic partners

With which of the following groups do we have the most intimate relationships? A. close friends B. coworkers C. acquaintances D. romantic partners

A. provisional

Your brother asks what you think of his term paper. You don't think it is very good, but you decide to go with a more confirming response, saying, "I'm not sure, but then again I never was very good in English." By using a(n) ______________ message, you convey your point of view while inviting alternative views so as not to hurt your brother's feelings. A. provisional B. descriptive C. empathy D. equality

B. origin

Your family of ___________ is the family you grew up in, typically consisting of your parents or stepparents and any siblings you have. A. genetics B. origin C. procreation D. derivation

D. Role

________ behaviors may include a family living together, taking care of each other, loving each other, and representing themselves as a family to outsiders. A. Familial B. Relational C. Social D. Role

B. Instrumental

___________ communication can be one of the most contentious issues couples face, as romantic partners often disagree over the division of responsibilities for daily tasks. A. Physical B. Instrumental C. Emotional D. Factual

B. Intimate

___________ relationships are characterized by significant emotional closeness and may or may not be romantic. A. Social B. Intimate C. Friendly D. Familial

A. love.

Chaman is introduced to Hakesh by her family. They are both originally from India, and both are still very involved and immersed in their culture, even though they now live in Washington, D.C. Chaman likes Hakesh, and when he asks her to marry him, she agrees, even though she doesn't feel that she is in love with him. Chaman knows that the match will please her family. Because Chaman gets along well with Hakesh, Chaman thinks that the marriage will be successful. Chaman's attitude reflects the fact that culture affects expectations for A. love. B. exclusivity. C. voluntariness. D. sexuality.

A. reaffirmation

If you decide to embrace the fact that your relationship will "settle" and become more predictable, and you make peace with having less novelty in the relationship, you have used ___________ as a method of dealing with dialectical tension. A. reaffirmation B. segmentation C. alternation D. balance

C. blended

One family type that is becoming increasingly common is the ________ family, with two adult partners raising children who are not the biological offspring of both partners. A. nuclear B. origin C. blended D. single-parent