COM 203 - Final Exam

Emotional Intelligence

(D. Goleman) The ability to recognize which feelings are appropriate in which situations and the skill to communicate those feelings effectively

The Interactive View of Emotions

- Assumes that what we feel a) Involves thinking, perceiving, and imagining - While being influenced by a) Social rules for framing situations b) Specifying what we should and can feel

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence

- Being in touch with your feelings (self reflection) - Managing your emotions without being overcome by them - Not letting setbacks and disappointments derail you - Channeling your feelings to assist you in achieving your goals - Having a strong sense of empathy - Listening to yours and others feelings - Having a strong yet realistic sense of optimism

Principles of Conflict

- Conflict is a natural process in all relationships - Conflict may be over or covert - Conflict may be managed well or poorly - Conflict may be good for individuals and relationships

Relational Dialects

- Connection/Autonomy - Predictability/Novelty Openness/Closedness

Unproductive Conflict Pattern Stages

- Early Stages - Middle Stages - Later Stages

The Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions

- Emphasizes the role of language in shaping our interpretation of events and our emotions in response to them What we feel may be shaped by the labels we attach to physiological responses

Social Influences on Conflict Gender Women

- Enact loyalty and voice - Are taught to put a priority on a relationship - Use talk to create and sustain closeness - Tend to defer and compromise

Conflict...

- Expressed disagreement - all conflict is expressed verbally or nonverbally - Occurs only between people who depend on each other - Involves opposition; is more than just differences a) The perception that our concerns are at odds with those of another b) The perception that we and another must reconcile our differences

Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Effectively

- Identify your emotions - Choose how to communicate your emotions - Own your feelings - Monitor your own self-talk - Adopt a rational-emotive approach - Respond sensitively when others communicate their emotions

The Impact of Different Views of Emotions

- If you think feelings are instinctual, → You will probably assume that feelings cannot be analyzed or controlled - If you accept the interactive view of emotions, → You are more likely to analyze tour emotions and perhaps change them

Elements of Satisfying Personal Relationships

- Investment - Commitment - Trust - Comfort with Relational Dialects

Self Disclosing Benefits

- May increase trust - May increase closeness - May enhance self-esteem - May increase security - May enhance self-growth

Conflict is:

- Natural - Inevitable - Potentially Constructive

Obstacles to Effective Communication of Emotions

- Not expressing our emotions - Social factors shape feelings and the expression of them - Vulnerability - Protecting others - Social and professional roles - Ineffective expression of emotions

Middle Stages of Unproductive Conflict Patterns

- Once a negative climate has been set, it is stoked by other unconstructive communication - Kitchen Sinking occurs - Marked by frequent interruptions that disrupt the flow of talk

Self Disclosing Risks

- Others may reject us - Others may think lead of us - Other may violate our confidences

Social Influences on Conflict Gender Men

- Respond with exit/neglect - Place less emphasis on talk - Minimize problems - May use coercive tactics and force their resolutions - Conflict causes more physical and psychological pain

The Organismic View of Emotions

- Result of physiological factors that are instinctual and beyond our conscious analysis or control - Physiological reactions are neither as instinctual nor as subject to conscious control as once assumed

Later Stages of Unproductive Conflict Patterns

- Solutions become the focus a) Each person's proposals are met with counter proposals - Excessive metacommunication (discussing how we deal with discussion) a) The communication patterns are discussed and never return to the issues - Unproductive conflict doesn't involve dual perspective and it seals off awareness of common grounds

The Perceptual View of Emotions

- Subjective perceptions shape what external phenomena mean to us - External objects and events gain meaning only as we attribute significance to them

Early Stages of Unproductive Conflict Patterns

- The foundation for destructive conflict is established by communication that fails to confirm individuals - Cross-complaining occurs - Negative climates tend to build on themselves

Self Disclosure When Appropriate

- The kind of information you want others to disclose to you - More intimate information only when there is an acceptable risk - Gradually move to deeper levels - Intimate or very personal SD is for ongoing relationships - Continue intimate SD only when reciprocated

Social Influences on Conflict Culture

- The majority of Mediterranean cultures regard conflict as a normal and valuable part of everyday life - Many Hispanic cultures perceive conflict as an opportunity to be expressive and dramatic - In the U.S. the emphasis on individuality makes conflict competitive - In most Asian countries conflict is condemned and a solution should be found that benefits everyone and creates harmony

Approaches to Conflict

- Win/Lose - Lose/Lose - Win/Win

Win/Win

Both parties feel satisfied

Kitchen Sinking

Bring a past argument up in a present one. If this happens frequently people may forget the present initial thing they are arguing about

Continuum of Interpersonal Climates

Confirming Climate (Mixed Climate) (Cycling Climate) Disconfirming Climate

*The Notebook conflict situation

Conflict is managed poorly; reaction of negative building on negative and escalating; did not actually deal with the conflict with conversation, emotions are getting in the way of dealing with the situation. Did not start out that way, they were mad at the circumstance and not each other yet they took it out on each other anyways

Emotion Work

Defines the effort we invest to generate what we think are appropriate feelings in particular situations

Conflict Definition

Exists when individuals who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive their views as incompatible or oppositional

The Perceptual View of Emotions Process

External Event → Perception of Event → Interpreted Emotion → Physiological Response

The Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions Process

External Event → Physiological Response → Label for Response → Emotion

Openness/Closedness

How Much Info I Tell/How Much Info I Keep to Myself: "I like sharing so much with you" vs. "There are some things I don't want to talk about"

Covert

Passive-agressiveness

Overt

Physical/Literal

Emotions

Processes that are shaped by physiology, perceptions, and social experiences

Social Influence on Conflict Sexual Orientation

Sexual preference doesn't seem to be a major influence on how individuals see and deal with conflict a) Gays and lesbians appear to have fewer sexual conflicts and to talk more openly about sexual issues than heterosexuals b) Gay and lesbian partners have an intragender empathy that creates less conflict c) Lesbian couple talk the most about relationships, heterosexual couples the next most, and gay couples the least reflecting gender socialization

The Organismic View of Emotions Process

Stimulus → Physiological Response → Emotion

Feeling Rules

Tell us what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in particular situations

Predictability/Novelty

Things We Expect/Lets Mix it Up: "I like the familiar rhythms we have" vs. "We need to do something new"

Commitment

dedication to resolving issues and sticking around, actively choosing to care for this person, ideally on both sides

Investment

give and take of effort, time, emotional investment, money (i.e. long-distance relationship)

Comfort with Relational Dialects

personal tensions that we have, things that are our own vs. things that become aspects integrated into the relationship we are in

Trust

you have to trust that your partner is as committed and invested in you as much as you are, our histories and baggage can play a role in how quickly or slowly we trust

Guidelines for Effective Communication During Conflict

1. Focus on the overall communication system 2. Time conflict effectively a) Both people should be psychologically present and not rushed b) Be flexible c) Use bracketing to keep the discussion focused 3. Aim for win-win conflict 4. Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship 5. Show grace when appropriate a) Grant forgiveness or put aside our own needs when there is no standard that says we should

What are the different views of emotion?

1. The Organismic View 2. The Perceptual View 3. The Cognitive Labeling View 4. The Interactive View

The Interactive View of Emotions Process

Framing Rules → Feeling Rules → Felt Emotion → Emotion Work → Felt Emotion → Emotional Expression

Framing Rules

Guidelines for defining the emotional meaning of situations

Lose/Lose

Neither party gets satisfaction

Win/Lose

Only one party gets satisfaction

Interpersonal Climate

The overall feeling, or emotional mood between people; The dominant feeling between people who are involved with each other; The foundation of personal relationships

Connection/Autonomy

We Time/Me Time: "I want to be close" vs. "I need my own space"