Intimate relationship psychology
Consequences
Income is hurt mainly by woman, health and well being is affected
Positive consequences of infidelity
Physical pleasure satisfied, personal growth find out more things about yourself, excitement/adventure, potential emotion
Kinsey scale
a sexual orientation continuum
Initiators of breakup
lots of stress/anxiety building up to breakup but they get over it quicker
Dismissing attachment style
low anxiety, high avoidance not very jealous people
Jealousy 3 Different Kinds
1.Reactive/Emotional Jealousy- person thinks their partner is cheating, they are scared of imagined or actual cheating from partner, based more on two people going out for lunch or dinner 2.Anxious/Cognitive- Partner is always obsessing over and wondering if person is cheating on them, constantly scared partner will cheat. 3. Preventive/Suspicious- unprovoked response to a persons slight interest in someone however it is not based on any true factors.
Divorce occurrs
50% first marriages, 60% remarriages
Gottman and levinson studies
7.4 years into marriage most predictor of divorce was negativity 13.9 years best predictor of divorce was not doing positive things
Ducks Model: Dyadic Phase(2nd)
A series of discussions take place where partners may discuss their lack of inequity, resentment and imbalanced roles. Feelings of anger and guilt may also be aired at this point between both and two possible outcomes may come from this phase. Provided the discussions can be constructive, this can lead to reconciliation with a desire to repair the relationship or if this fails the threshold for the next phase is reached. This threshold may be characterized by thoughts such as "I would be better off without this relationship".
Differences in hetero and homosexual couples
Abuse- happens at the same rate Repairing relationship-gay men have more trouble repairing a conflict compared to lesbian and heterosexual
Interracial Couples
Attachment is secure, same affection and respect as non-mixed race, they are more similar than different from same race no differences between mixed and same race couples except they receive discrimination
Interracial couples con't
Black men more likely to marry outside than black woman. Asian women more likely to marry outside than Asian men
Ducks model: Social Phase (3)
Each partner will seek support, forge alliances and negotiations will take place over assets. Mutual friends may be expected to pick a side and gossip may be traded with some being judgmental placing blame on one partner.
Person that is dumped
Has the harder time getting over it
Preoccupied Attachment Styles
High anxiety, Low avoidance most jealous style because they are scared partner will leave-seek closeness
Fearful attachment style
High anxiety, high avoidance tend to not be afraid of competition because they are used to leaving anyway, have jealousy but not as worried
Jealousy vs envy
Jealousy is negative feelings/arousal of someone interfering with their relationship, a sign of love Envy is when you want the things someone else has
Secure attachment style
Low anxiety, low avoidance do experience jealousy when in understandable situations
Negative affects abate over time
More likely to reach out to people and make better stronger relationships Children form stronger relationships with their parents and grow more mature
Personality
Neuroticism- anxious, moody low self esteem jealousy is a major component Agreeablness- less jealous
Gender Difference in jealousy?
No gender difference in jealousy, both have the same frequency
Inadequacy and jealousy
People who feel inadequate, feel they are not giving person what they need = more jealous
Sexual Exclusivity
People who value exclusivity then the person is less likely to cheat they get really jealous if their partner is not exclusive bc they are-more reactive jealousy less suspicious jealousy People who have affairs themselves tend to not react but have more suspicious jealousy
why are people unfaithful to their partner
Personal: biology- people just feel physical arousal. permissiveness- attitude about cheating they don't believe it's a big deal. Environmental: frequent travel- opportunity to travel and greater availability of partners; urban settings. Relational(b/t partners)-emotional/sexual incompatibility, interpersonal conflict/anger, negative communications, equity,commitment satisfaction
Why do people breakup (Duck 1982)
Pre-existing- the couple is not similar from the beginning Mechanical failure/process loss- lack of positive things Sudden death- cheating, something big damages the relationship
Top motives for cheating
Relational dissatisfaction and interpersonal neglect
Ducks Model of Relationship termination:Breakdown
Relationship breakdown begins when a partner realizes they are unhappy within the current relationship. This may be because the relationship is deemed inequitable or the relationship results in a greater loss.
Interracial marital satisfaction correlated with
Relationships were better off when african americans felt pride in their own race, and they are accepting of other cultures
Same sex outcomes
Same sex reported shorter relationships, fewer barriers to dissolution, more autonomy- gay/lesbian breakups happen sooner and don't have a lot of social support they express more emotion in conflict
Gave Dressing Phase(4)
The grave-dressing phase sees a post view of the relationship breakdown being established by both. This will cover why the breakdown occurred with each person having their own account that presents themselves favorably often at the expense of the other.
Ducks model: Intrapsychic Phase (1st)
The individual may not say anything about their dissatisfaction but feel resentful and unhappy and have thoughts around whether they would be better off without the relationship.
who makes us jealous
We get jealous more if Friends interfere with our relationships and with former lovers interfering
Reason for divorce increase
We used to marry people for practical purposes-now we marry for love. People are more individualistic less tied to communities. Increased life expectancy more time together bc we live together.
Alternatives and jealousy
When a person in the relationship does not have many alternatives they get more jealous More alternatives equals less jealousy If comparison level alternatives better than Cl more likely to leave person
Dependency on jealousy
When people are dependent on partner for resources they are likely to be more jealous or get jealous easier
Gender differences in the time frame when a person will cheat in relationship
Woman are more likely to cheat in the beginning of the relationship and the longer the relationship then they are less likely to cheat Men are more likely to cheat in the beginning and towards the end of a relationship
Gender difference in reacting to person making partner jealous
Women do reciprocal jealousy and make their partner jealous which usually pushes partner away Men are more likely to use unhealthy coping strategies that do not solve the issues in relationships
How men and woman handle breakup
Women more emotionally expressive and more initiators of breakup Men have more difficulty because they don't have enough emotional support and not willing to express much
More reasons for divorce increase
Working causes conflict more hours wife works equals more conflict. More access to alternate partners divorce more frequent. Financial independence divorce is higher when woman make a lot of money
Consequences of Breakup
anxious/ambivalent attachment- more trouble adjusting to breakups If couple talked about marriage- have harder time getting over breakup and family takes grief serious Still wanting ex-partner and/or lack of social partner
Remarriage
best way to reverse consequences of divorce
Most Common reason for divorce
cheating
Reasons for divorce
declining feels of love, less affectionate behavior, ambivalence about marriage, feel partner is unresponsive, disillusioned, stress(poor stress management with children come more stress)
Sex differences
dominant and assertive- men are typically more jealous of these types Attractive- women are more jealous of very attractive woman
Caucasians in interracial couples
express less love if they believe their culture was superior White approval has grown greater over the years for interracial relationships black has only grown a little
Negative consequences of infidelity for cheating person
guilt, feeling conflicted about deceiving partner, violate personal and moral standards, could lead to depression/anxiety because fear of being caught
Sexual orientation
how people label their interests in sexual or romantic partners can reflect sexual behavior, social/emotional references, self identification develops over life span and varies in terms of time
Negatives (person cheated on)
jealousy, anger, self doubt (what did I do wrong) feelings of betrayal disappointment
heterosexual couples vs homosexual similarities
love and liking for partner relationship satisfaction. same problems with intimacy, personal distance, personal flaws and power
Consequences of break up: Brain Activity
more stress,worse recovery, worse adjustment, Women- decreased brain activity in regions associated with emotion, motivation, attention.When thought of ex found thoughts of depression/sadness activation in brain...activates same areas of brain assoc with pain
Power in same sex couples
power distributed equally but power is not always equal- person who has children holds more power and person who makes more money
Lisa Diamonds Research- sexual fluidity
prospective during ovulation (high estrogen) arousability drive for rest of cycle>fluidity
Traditional Gender roles
really feminine women are more jealous masculine/macho men more jealous
Ducks model: Resurrection Phase
the period of reconfiguration of self and preparation for new relationships
Sex differences on coping to breakup
woman have greater emotional recovery and adjustment than men bc women are more likely to seek out social support and less likely to rely on harmful methods Men drink/ go out and don't deal with the situation
Top 5 Reasons to Break Up
-frequent absence -infidelity -lack of love -mental cruelty -sexual incompatibility