Intimate relationship psychology

Consequences

Income is hurt mainly by woman, health and well being is affected

Positive consequences of infidelity

Physical pleasure satisfied, personal growth find out more things about yourself, excitement/adventure, potential emotion

Kinsey scale

a sexual orientation continuum

Initiators of breakup

lots of stress/anxiety building up to breakup but they get over it quicker

Dismissing attachment style

low anxiety, high avoidance not very jealous people

Jealousy 3 Different Kinds

1.Reactive/Emotional Jealousy- person thinks their partner is cheating, they are scared of imagined or actual cheating from partner, based more on two people going out for lunch or dinner 2.Anxious/Cognitive- Partner is always obsessing over and wondering if person is cheating on them, constantly scared partner will cheat. 3. Preventive/Suspicious- unprovoked response to a persons slight interest in someone however it is not based on any true factors.

Divorce occurrs

50% first marriages, 60% remarriages

Gottman and levinson studies

7.4 years into marriage most predictor of divorce was negativity 13.9 years best predictor of divorce was not doing positive things

Ducks Model: Dyadic Phase(2nd)

A series of discussions take place where partners may discuss their lack of inequity, resentment and imbalanced roles. Feelings of anger and guilt may also be aired at this point between both and two possible outcomes may come from this phase. Provided the discussions can be constructive, this can lead to reconciliation with a desire to repair the relationship or if this fails the threshold for the next phase is reached. This threshold may be characterized by thoughts such as "I would be better off without this relationship".

Differences in hetero and homosexual couples

Abuse- happens at the same rate Repairing relationship-gay men have more trouble repairing a conflict compared to lesbian and heterosexual

Interracial Couples

Attachment is secure, same affection and respect as non-mixed race, they are more similar than different from same race no differences between mixed and same race couples except they receive discrimination

Interracial couples con't

Black men more likely to marry outside than black woman. Asian women more likely to marry outside than Asian men

Ducks model: Social Phase (3)

Each partner will seek support, forge alliances and negotiations will take place over assets. Mutual friends may be expected to pick a side and gossip may be traded with some being judgmental placing blame on one partner.

Person that is dumped

Has the harder time getting over it

Preoccupied Attachment Styles

High anxiety, Low avoidance most jealous style because they are scared partner will leave-seek closeness

Fearful attachment style

High anxiety, high avoidance tend to not be afraid of competition because they are used to leaving anyway, have jealousy but not as worried

Jealousy vs envy

Jealousy is negative feelings/arousal of someone interfering with their relationship, a sign of love Envy is when you want the things someone else has

Secure attachment style

Low anxiety, low avoidance do experience jealousy when in understandable situations

Negative affects abate over time

More likely to reach out to people and make better stronger relationships Children form stronger relationships with their parents and grow more mature

Personality

Neuroticism- anxious, moody low self esteem jealousy is a major component Agreeablness- less jealous

Gender Difference in jealousy?

No gender difference in jealousy, both have the same frequency

Inadequacy and jealousy

People who feel inadequate, feel they are not giving person what they need = more jealous

Sexual Exclusivity

People who value exclusivity then the person is less likely to cheat they get really jealous if their partner is not exclusive bc they are-more reactive jealousy less suspicious jealousy People who have affairs themselves tend to not react but have more suspicious jealousy

why are people unfaithful to their partner

Personal: biology- people just feel physical arousal. permissiveness- attitude about cheating they don't believe it's a big deal. Environmental: frequent travel- opportunity to travel and greater availability of partners; urban settings. Relational(b/t partners)-emotional/sexual incompatibility, interpersonal conflict/anger, negative communications, equity,commitment satisfaction

Why do people breakup (Duck 1982)

Pre-existing- the couple is not similar from the beginning Mechanical failure/process loss- lack of positive things Sudden death- cheating, something big damages the relationship

Top motives for cheating

Relational dissatisfaction and interpersonal neglect

Ducks Model of Relationship termination:Breakdown

Relationship breakdown begins when a partner realizes they are unhappy within the current relationship. This may be because the relationship is deemed inequitable or the relationship results in a greater loss.

Interracial marital satisfaction correlated with

Relationships were better off when african americans felt pride in their own race, and they are accepting of other cultures

Same sex outcomes

Same sex reported shorter relationships, fewer barriers to dissolution, more autonomy- gay/lesbian breakups happen sooner and don't have a lot of social support they express more emotion in conflict

Gave Dressing Phase(4)

The grave-dressing phase sees a post view of the relationship breakdown being established by both. This will cover why the breakdown occurred with each person having their own account that presents themselves favorably often at the expense of the other.

Ducks model: Intrapsychic Phase (1st)

The individual may not say anything about their dissatisfaction but feel resentful and unhappy and have thoughts around whether they would be better off without the relationship.

who makes us jealous

We get jealous more if Friends interfere with our relationships and with former lovers interfering

Reason for divorce increase

We used to marry people for practical purposes-now we marry for love. People are more individualistic less tied to communities. Increased life expectancy more time together bc we live together.

Alternatives and jealousy

When a person in the relationship does not have many alternatives they get more jealous More alternatives equals less jealousy If comparison level alternatives better than Cl more likely to leave person

Dependency on jealousy

When people are dependent on partner for resources they are likely to be more jealous or get jealous easier

Gender differences in the time frame when a person will cheat in relationship

Woman are more likely to cheat in the beginning of the relationship and the longer the relationship then they are less likely to cheat Men are more likely to cheat in the beginning and towards the end of a relationship

Gender difference in reacting to person making partner jealous

Women do reciprocal jealousy and make their partner jealous which usually pushes partner away Men are more likely to use unhealthy coping strategies that do not solve the issues in relationships

How men and woman handle breakup

Women more emotionally expressive and more initiators of breakup Men have more difficulty because they don't have enough emotional support and not willing to express much

More reasons for divorce increase

Working causes conflict more hours wife works equals more conflict. More access to alternate partners divorce more frequent. Financial independence divorce is higher when woman make a lot of money

Consequences of Breakup

anxious/ambivalent attachment- more trouble adjusting to breakups If couple talked about marriage- have harder time getting over breakup and family takes grief serious Still wanting ex-partner and/or lack of social partner

Remarriage

best way to reverse consequences of divorce

Most Common reason for divorce

cheating

Reasons for divorce

declining feels of love, less affectionate behavior, ambivalence about marriage, feel partner is unresponsive, disillusioned, stress(poor stress management with children come more stress)

Sex differences

dominant and assertive- men are typically more jealous of these types Attractive- women are more jealous of very attractive woman

Caucasians in interracial couples

express less love if they believe their culture was superior White approval has grown greater over the years for interracial relationships black has only grown a little

Negative consequences of infidelity for cheating person

guilt, feeling conflicted about deceiving partner, violate personal and moral standards, could lead to depression/anxiety because fear of being caught

Sexual orientation

how people label their interests in sexual or romantic partners can reflect sexual behavior, social/emotional references, self identification develops over life span and varies in terms of time

Negatives (person cheated on)

jealousy, anger, self doubt (what did I do wrong) feelings of betrayal disappointment

heterosexual couples vs homosexual similarities

love and liking for partner relationship satisfaction. same problems with intimacy, personal distance, personal flaws and power

Consequences of break up: Brain Activity

more stress,worse recovery, worse adjustment, Women- decreased brain activity in regions associated with emotion, motivation, attention.When thought of ex found thoughts of depression/sadness activation in brain...activates same areas of brain assoc with pain

Power in same sex couples

power distributed equally but power is not always equal- person who has children holds more power and person who makes more money

Lisa Diamonds Research- sexual fluidity

prospective during ovulation (high estrogen) arousability drive for rest of cycle>fluidity

Traditional Gender roles

really feminine women are more jealous masculine/macho men more jealous

Ducks model: Resurrection Phase

the period of reconfiguration of self and preparation for new relationships

Sex differences on coping to breakup

woman have greater emotional recovery and adjustment than men bc women are more likely to seek out social support and less likely to rely on harmful methods Men drink/ go out and don't deal with the situation

Top 5 Reasons to Break Up

-frequent absence -infidelity -lack of love -mental cruelty -sexual incompatibility