Management Competencies
secondary greatness
on the outside, being recognized for your accomplishments
Personality Ethics
"Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction." 1)human and public relations techniques 2) Positive mental attitude
One ass hole versus many
"The one ass hole rule" in condition with one piece of liter versus one One or two jerks and they are shunned or not rewarded→ makes everyone else nicer
Quadrants
"Urgent matters are usually visible. They press on us; they insist on action""Importance, on the other hand, has to do with results." 1: Urgent and important Short term deadlines that are important Reply brief 2: Important but not urgent Don't have time sensitive deadline 3: Urgent but not important Important to something else but not you Deadline set by something 4: Someone asks for a favor/letter of recommendation
paradigm
"commonly used today to mean a model, theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference" - how we see the world a theory, an explanation, or a model of something else Frame of reference on internal view of the world, a mindset Explanation or model of something else Maps in your head of how you understand something Ex:man on train with kids whose mom just died → didn't know reference Paradigm shift → additional information from someone else, change behavior and attitude → change perspective and response If you are basing your opinion of yourself on other people → they dont have the whole story In between stimulus and response is the way you respond Realize you have control over things you respond to → internal locus of control self-efficacy → you have the ability to change things
maturity continuum
"dependence to independence to interdependence." Dep when born → rely on others to live/ emotionally dependent→ rely on others for worth Independence→ rely on yourself for thoughts Interdependence → cooperate with others to get what you want and get what they want → principal to succeed → get the We Have the capability to move up but don't have to Dependence is the paradigm of "you" Independence is the paradigm of "I" Interdependence is the paradigm of "we" (GOAL)
Character Ethic
"integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule." -based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness-natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguable
temporary versus certified ass hole
"people who are having a bad day or a bad moment" vs "persistently nasty and destructive jerks "
3 elements to practice with synergy
-High emotional bank account -think win-win -seek first to understand
Proactive vs reactive
-It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. (being responsible) -The proactive approach puts the first step in the solution of all three kinds of problems within our present Circle of Influence. vs empowering things to control us = reactive -focus on circle of concern
Maps in your head
-Maps of the way things are (realities) -Maps of the way things should be (values) Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the source of our attitude and behaviors, and ultimately our relationship with others
Reframing
-Most people see the world not as it is but they are -Everyone has different experience so different outlooks → no right or wrong answer
Self Awareness
-The ability to think about your very thought process -Allows us to break down and make new habits
The Principle Centered Paradigm
-The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its existence -There are principles that exist that all humans seem to have some sort of understanding of
internalm
-key to synergy -(like principle paradigm) → access to both sides of the brain right side Expand Perspective Visualization and Affirmation
Three cooperative frameworks that you may use
1) Focus on Win/Win Talk and we instead of I 2) Frame that turns attention to how you are no better or worse than others 3) Telling yourself you have enough instead of being greedy for more
Three primary social maps
1) Genetic Determinism - Saying you are the way you are because it is encoded in your genes 2) Psychic Determinism - Saying you are the way you are because of your upbringing -The way your parents raised you is the reason you are you 3) Environmental Determinism -Saying you are the way you are because of something or someone in your environment
principle versus practice
A practice is a specific activity or action (works for a specific activity) vs Principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal applications (values are the maps, principles aren't values)
All things are created twice
1) In your head (mental), outcome/ 2) end product (physical) Chp 1 → mental is like the source (PC), outcome is (P) All self motivated Between stimulus and response is choice How often should we refine our plan/ when is it time to refine goal Set agenda/ constantly reevaluating Knowing what is driving you
Why people don't understand each other
1) Mutual respect = think is the key with nothing better 2) Silence once get to mutual respect or sitting tight to put other viewpoint first 3) Resistance to other opinions → people don't want to be wrong or confrontational or ruin a relationship / come off as stubborn 4) View it as a personal attack What is the littlest amount you could give up and they'll be happy → not even thinking of possibility of coming up with third option 5) pride /ego 6) Scared to be vulnerable/ seem weak 7)People hold onto not articulate assumptions and haven't found out if they are right or not
Three Kinds of Assets
1) Physical: care for physical things keeps them in working condition 2) Financial: our own capability to earn 3) Human: controls physical and financial assets, need to preserve relationships
6 major deposits
1) Understanding the individual (can be different for different individuals → try not to project own autobiographies), 2) attending to little things, 3) keeping commitments, 4)clarifying expectations (make expectations upfront to save time and energy down the road), 5) showing personal integrity, 6) apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal,
4 autobiographical responses
1) We evaluate: either disagree or agree 2) We probe: ask questions from our own reference 3) We advise: give counsel based on our own experience 4) We interpret: try to figure people out, explain their motives/behavior based on our own motives and behavior
no ass hole rule as a way of life
1) a few creeps can overwhelm the warm feelings generated by the masses 2) Have to actually follow up with the rule, but follow up on what really matters 3) The rule lives or dies in the little moments 4) Should you keep a few ******** around 5) Enforcing the no ******* rule isn't just management's job 6) Embarrassment and pride are powerful motivators 7) Ass holes are us
Quadrant II Self Manager
4 roles - identifying roles "The first task is to write down your key roles. If you haven't really given serious thought to the roles in your life, you can write down what immediately comes to mind." -selecting goals "The next step is to think of one or two important results you feel you should accomplish in each role during the next seven days. These would be recorded as goals." -scheduling "Now you can look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them" -Daily Adapting -"With Quadrant II weekly organizing, daily planning becomes more a function of daily adapting, of prioritizing activities and respond"
5 elements of win/win
5 interdependent dimensions: 1) character -foundation -integrity: the value we place on ourselves -maturity: balance of courage and consideration (high/ high = win/win) -abundance mentality: plenty out there for any of us (vs. the scarcity mentality) 2) relationship "The trust, the Emotional Bank Account, is the essence of Win/Win." " It goes beyond transactional leadership into transformational leadership, transforming the individuals involved as well as the relationship." 3) agreements -"from relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to Win/Win. They are sometimes called performance agreements or partnership agreements, shifting the paradigm of productive interaction from vertical to horizontal, from hovering supervision to self-supervision, from positioning to being partners in success." 5 results: a) "Desired results (not methods) identify what is to be done and when." b) "Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished." c) "Resources identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results." d) Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. e) Consequences specify—good and bad, natural and logical—what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation." 4) structure and systems "Win/Win can only survive in an organization when the systems support it. If you talk Win/Win but reward Win/Lose, you've got a losing program on your hands." 5) process "how to arrive at a Win/Win solution." Character: integrity (principle-centered), maturity(balance courage and consideration), abundance mentally (plenty out there for everyone)--> opposite of scarcity → not fixed amount of happiness that goes around
Nasty interactions
5x the punch as positive ones on the mood of the person
Value-Based Motives
Allows you to appreciate someone for who they are rather than judging them or comparing them to others
Gofer
Delegation do this do that
Stewardship
Delegation results> methods 5 areas→ 1) desired results "Create a clear, mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished, focusing on what, not how; results, not methods." guidelines "Identify the parameters within which the individual should operate. These should be as few as possible to avoid methods delegation, but should include any formidable restrictions. " 3)resources "Identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational resources the person can draw on to accomplish the desired results. 4) accountability "Set up the standards of performance that will be used in evaluating the results and the specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place." 5) consequences "Specify what will happen, both good and bad, as a result of the evaluation."
Weave the rule into hiring and firing policies
Get references from ppl you trust, select for professional competence, create fit, candidate interviewed by everyone around them Most managers hire ppl just like themselves and if they are ass holes then they spread throughout the firm
P/PC Balance
Golden egg story → need both the machine the thing that's being produced and the asset thats producing it to run P= (Production)desire results/ PC= (production capability) asset that gives you desired results Physical financial and human Success = production / working on happiness as you get to success = PC Result and what it takes to produce the result (ex: production = good grades, production capability = studying, compromise = fun, sleep, health, emotional) Lose production by compromising production capability TRUE EFFECTIVENESS BOTH FROM P/PC--> effectiveness lies in the balance
Begin With the End in Mind
Have a plan / clear understanding of your destination Picture yourself at your own funeral → know what you want people to say about you = what is important What happens when you do establish those goals = writing them down / be more aware in everyday actions NEED TO KNOW WHERE GOING You can correct your actions because you have a goal Failure helps you learn what doesn't work → need creative and collective solutions to why you failed Be more efficient
Fight and win right small battles
Hit people with the bus? Knowing you have control, not nec hitting them → help you cope Passive aggressive thing going on → get back at them in other ways Have people under and over you → will have more say in roles → help ppl under you -draw on covey to make these relationships different
Secondary traits of humans that will NOT solely lead to success
Human influence strategies: Personality growth, communication skill training, education of influence strategies Lead you to come across as insincere or manipulative, not letting you build a foundation of trust, not
habit
Knowledge, skill and desire to want to do something = intersection knowledge= (theorhetical) what to do and why→ choosing to do it, how to make the habit skill and make it part of your routine / skill =how to do something / desire= the motivation to do it Changing your behavior = 8 days
Power performance paradox
Leadings try to downplay the pecking order they realize that their company has and should have a pecking order, but they do everything they can to downplay and reduce status and power differences among members.
Levels of communication
Low trust, low cooperation = defensive (win/lose or lose/win), not being proactive Mid, mid = respectful (compromise) (win/win and lose/lose) Where most people habitat Weird this was not the ideal but not combining the views → here everyone else still giving up something, not yet building off each other high , high = synergistic (win/win)--> empathetic communication/ P/Pc balance Listen to understand and hear other with no judgment, not just further your own point The high ground → take both perspectives and make something better out of it Not a compromise but a completely new creation (unusual in legal disputes)
Total Cost of Ass holes
Manager come in and fix someone else's error → time to clean up someone else's mess Solving problems for them Taking money out of bonus of Ethan (pattern of behavior, multiple people report it (subject to it or seen it), have first steps (anger management))--> showing a list of costs to the person (ex: after so many complaints you have to do a workshop)
Typical responses when listening
Mimic content → say words back to the person Rephrase to content Reflect feeling Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling
Why did companies that had a better culture report more mistakes
Nurse story → more pleasant→ don't lie about the mistakes Horrible culture→ cover it up Want a culture where mistakes are reported so you can fix them How to create climate where people report → dont get super pissed Challenge an idea versus challenge the person Build trust out to all levels 3 strikes your out → 2 times its on managers, third times your fault Message comes from top → what do yo reward and model
principle centered
Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centers based on people or things that are subject to frequent and immediate change, correct principles do not change. We can depend on them. Principles don't react to anything. They don't get mad and treat us differently. - your center is the source of wisdom, security, guidance and power
Develop indifferent or emotional detachment
Passion versus indifference in work Survival guide versus care about work Easy to tell ppl to give their best when in climate where that's appreciated → if in a job that sucks = way harder to motivate employees→ those companies deserve what they meant Detach in other areas as well→ infections Going through the motions = never gain respect of the ass hole = won't even be worth it in the end Good short term strategy vs long term Mindfulness = recognize feeling them but not being a slave to them instead of just being indifferent
Why ass holes do what they do and how they get away with it?
People extending their control over other people Making the victim tolerate instead of making the ass hole necessarily change
spiritual
Perspective (value clarification and commitment, study and meditation) Leadership in your life Focusing on you and your inside Knowing your motives = what is your center Takes an investment of time
7 tools of dealing with ass holes
Reframing Hope for the best but expect the worst Develop indifference Look for small wins Limit your exposure Build Pockets of Safety and Sanity Fight and win the right small battles
Social Mirror
Reflect others → reflecting others well does not diminish us Self fulfilling prophecy -scripting others
Difference between states and traits
States: fleeting feelings, thoughts and actions Traits: enduring personality characteristics
tests for identifying ass holes
Test One: after talking to the alleged ass hole, does the 'target' feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energised, or belittled by the person? In particular, does the target feel worse about himself or herself? Test Two: Does the alleged ass hole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those people who are more powerful?
The way we see the problem, is the problem
The Personality Ethic will only solve the problem temporarily To figure out the real cause of the issue, you need to examine your own self
scripts
The paradigms, beliefs and habits that we follow on environment and upbringing -come from people not principles Some can be fine but some scripts can be bad → not based on core values We can choose our values/ rewrite the scripts President of Egypt example → israel and egypt are enemies his whole life but over time reevaluated Is what you are doing moving you there? Is it accurate or just what you've been taught Consciously instead of subconsciously going through this
3 blind spots of being an ass hole
Think nastiness is crucial to suspect (confirmation bias) Confuse what helps them gain power with what's best for leading Defensive measures victims use to defend themselves
Basic Laws of the Personality Method
Trying to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow
Hope for the best but expect the worst
Upside : when someone isn't a jerk = feels a lot more like a win Downside : end of the day = ass hole, just temporarily move past / more like a survival mechanism/ become accustomed to allowing these bad things to happen → you get so used to it you don't leave // if whole firm doing this = then can get away from it = explains why people get away with it Brad/ Jerrold story = 10 assistant in last few months → Sutton puts this as example of keeping expectations low
Perception
We must look at the lens in which we see the world, as well as at the world we see, and that lens itself shapes how we interpret the world
Look for small wins
What do you have control over One small step at a time Look at small battles that you can win Power of agency = empowers idea of control Looking for your circle of influence and going what you can to expand that Able to sustain confidence and self control Experience of facing huge issue but seemed overwhelming and able to break it down → smaller steps = able to achieve it Being able to feel accomplished while doing smaller tasks→ cant be in constant crisis mode where everything in Quad 1 Break even specific tasks down into smaller tasks
personal mission statement
When drafting → alone and in silence think deeply = personal Organizational = have everyone's input → everyone on same page Goals are long term, what's best for organization, what's best for mission statement
Reframing
changing how you see things → don't see yourself as trapped, refuse to take it personally → depersonalize the situation (can't take it as a personal attack) Attached to circle of influence
Six paradigms of human interaction
Win/Win→ habit of interpersonal heart and mind decide your interactions will be mutually beneficial Constantly seeks mutual benefit, not at one person's expense Self-awareness, imagination, conscience, independent will Win/Lose If I win, you lose In academics, law, sports Lose/Win I lose you win, have it your way → no demands and no vision Lose/Lose Both ppl lose when 2 Win/Lose unite Win Don't necessarily want someone else to lose, just want to win Win/Win or no Deal If can't find a solution, agree to disagree → better way to get to Win/Win Most realistic at beginning of a business deal
principles
are rules or laws that are permanent, unchanging, and universal in nature guidelines for human contact that have proven to have enduring, permanent value Things that cannot be broken or taken away A part of a person/ choose to react to things Experiential, creative, attitudinal Making the most of what happens to you using these principles → your attitude towards it yet Unchanging like gravity → like paradigm → how you see the world -> if you behave like you don't pertain to the laws of gravity → get hurt/die → certain principles of humanity you cant act as if don't exist
mental
autonomy (reading, visualizing, planning, writing) Have self management
Quadrent II Criteria
coherence -" suggests that there is harmony, unity, and integrity between your vision and mission, your roles and goals, your priorities and plans, and your desires and discipline." balance -keep balance in your life, to identify your various roles and keep them right in front of you, so that you don't neglect important areas such as your health, your family, professional preparation, or personal development quadrant II focus -"that encourages you, motivates you, actually helps you spend the time you need in Quadrant II, so that you're dealing with prevention rather than prioritizing crises. In my opinion, the best way to do this is to organize your life on a weekly basis. You can still adapt and prioritize on a daily basis, but the fundamental thrust is organizing the week." a people dimension - "You also need a tool that deals with people, not just schedules. While you can think in terms of efficiency in dealing with time, a principle-centered person thinks in terms of effectiveness in dealing with people." flexibility -"Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master"--> tailored to your style and particular ways portability -"your tool should also be portable, so that you can carry it with you most of the time. You may want to review your personal mission statement while riding the bus."
social/emotional
connectedness (Service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic security) Interpersonal leadership Empathetic communication Creative cooperation Intrinsic security from service
Force Field Analysis
encouraging upward versus discouraging downward forces= keep in equilibrium → use Habits 4,5,6 to work on restraining forces → safe to talk about forces and change them
ass holes will hire other ass holes
how do u make sure that you aren't hiring other ass holes -how frame the hiring and promotion process to keep the workplace free of ass holes -ask them of a time where something went wrong and what they learned → see if take blame -see how they respond to stress → see how they respond to that -see how they act to not the interviewer but receptionist and wait staff/valet→ see how act outside of work (see how treat people who are lower than them especially when something goes wrong) -works like "me, mine" versus "we, ours" → how use language → egocentric versus team oriented
upward spiral
learn, commit, do figure out what it takes to accomplish something and do it
empathetic listening
listening with the intent to understand Empathy isnt sympathy because you don't have to agree with somebody Listen with your ears and eyes (body language and actions) All depends on another person's interpretation of your actions. 1. ignoring. 2. pretending. 3. selective listening 4. attentive listening. 5. empathetic listening
Limit your exposure
our exposure Schedule short meetings and avoid ass holes Meet with as little as possible/ dont even look at them phone/ online = fight more, trust less Weird during pandemic Meetings with no chairs - funny but passive aggressive Moving forward = continue to have online meetings to limit exposure
jerk-o-meter
person's speaking style and tone of voice can predict objective outcomes
What kinds of harms do ass holes cause?
physiological unwellness including anxiety, depression, sleep issues, lack of productivity etc customers→ sales down for the company (financial) Costs for company Causes turnover, absenteeism, lack of dedication CEO → investors not involved anymore/ stock prices down (Cerner) Career damage to themselves (the ass hole themselves) Nasty interactions have 5x the punch as positive ones on the mood of the person Culture of the company gets affected Lose victims and people around the victims as well
Fourth generation of time management
principle centered here → not what doing and when but proactive in conscience effort that aren't necessarily at the forefront of mind→ less about time management → self management// the why you are doing something / long term goals → you are in control of your time, your time isn't in control of you 1st =checklists → boxes that check off 2 = prioritizing a little→ calendars and appointment books → deadlines and timelines 3 =organize daily
indirect control
problems involving other people's behavior solved by changing our methods of influence. These are the "Public Victories" of Habits 4, 5, and 6.
direct control
problems involving our own behavior -solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our Circle of Influence. These are the "Private Victories" of Habits 1, 2, and 3
no control
problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities -involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom of our face—to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don't like them
Strategic use of ass holeness
push yourself up the hierarchy People dont like anger but it expresses more competence (Bill Clinton example) Nasty glares and comments = effective path to power if use it strategically = "great intimidators" → use it strategically instead of just to make themselves feel better Make you seem smarter than others (saying smart things versus doing smart things)
4 basic types of communication
reading , writing, speaking, listening
Too much invested to quit syndrome
resist at the beginning to make it easier to pull out, once you've don't a lot of work you become invested If cant quit, at least cut contact as much as possible
Leadership vs management
should come first→ overall goals → destination > road map vs. bottom line focused → short term day to day objectives
4 dimensions of renewal
spiritual, mental, physical, mental
Circle of Concern
things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement -haves -consequences
Circle of Influence
things that we do have control over- can do something about -bes
physical
tone (exercise, nutrition, stress management) Caring for our physical well being, resting, exercising Endurance- aerobic, heart pumping Flexibility- stretching Strength - muscle resistance exercises
imagination
tools to visualize potential within us
Frankl
used the human endowment of self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man: Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose." Social maps The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a certain way to a certain situation
Synergy
valuing the difference, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts (1+1=3) -This means as a group can contribute much more → everyone working together to get that result
conscience
what values will guide us with imagination
emotional bank account
withdrawals and deposits -deposits: - good experiences or activities you do together -actively listening- eye contact, no multitasking, nodding, asking questions -keeping commitments you made - ok if isolated incident/ really good excuse → genuine/ taking responsibility for a mistake/ try to make up for it later -attending to the little things → more noble to give yourself to one individual than labor to the masses
primary greatness
your character, integrity → shape who you are as a person
