Marriage and Family Counseling Midterm

What are some examples of past background baggage in sex?

• Childhood molestation • Lies/wrong models from parents, church, peers • Premarital sexual sins • Previous marital experience

What are the two overarching goals of marriage counseling?

#1 -- That each person, individually, would seek to please God and his spouse (properly), from the heart, in biblical ways (Matt 22:36-40; 2 Cor 5:9, 14-15). #2 -- That the couple would grow together in a relationship of oneness within the biblical covenant relationship God gave them and bear fruit together according to God's purposes for marriage (Gen 2:18-25; Prov 2:17; Mal 2:14; Eph 5:22-33)

What are the two passages which picture the reality of counseling people whose spouse does not follow Christ?

1 Peter 3:1, 1 Corinthians 7:12-16

What are seven temptations for spiritually-single spouses?

1) Daydreaming about being married to a Christian 2) Envying those who have a Christian spouse 3) Letting your good desire for his conversion become a ruling desire 4) Becoming angry at God 5) Compromising your godly standards and convictions 6) Expecting Christian thinking or behavior from your unsaved spouse (1 Cor 2:14; Rom 8:6-8) 7) Competing for your childrens affection

What are the practical ministries a spiritually-single spouse can have towards their spouse?

1) Pray for your spouse 2) Serve and minister to your spouse, and carry out your appropriate God-given husband/wife role 3) Live out the fruit of God's Spirit before your spouse 4) Speak the gospel wisely and graciously; be prepared to answer questions about Christianity 5) Listen compassionately and non-critically to your spouse's reasons for not following Jesus, in hope that God would give you an opportunity to address them 6) Don't gossip about your spouse; be careful what you say about him to others 7) Do not sin against God (e.g., husbands, love, don't appease; wives, submit, don't sin)

What is a Christ-Centered Marriage?

1. A God ordained union of two sinners who: 2. Admit their sins 3. Find forgiveness for their sins in Jesus Christ and who seek to extend that forgiveness to each other 3. Have been made new in Christ and who are making progress in overcoming their sins and in being and doing what God wants them to be and do

What are the 7 A's of confession?

1. Address everyone involved 2. Avoid "if," "but," and "maybe" language 3. Admit specifically as sin. 4. Acknowledge the hurt = to express regret over how your sin hurt your spouse (acknowledge impact of sin) 5. Accept consequences (Where there is betrayal, a slowness by spouse to forgive or trust) 6. Alter your behavior, or at least explain how you intend to do so 7. Ask for forgiveness and allow time as needed

What are the four rules of communication?

1. Be Honest 2. Keep Current 3. Attack Problems not people 4. Act, don't react

What are the four qualities of Godly Speech based on Ephesians 4:25-5:2

1. Honest (4:25) 2. Beneficial (4:29) 3. Timely (4:29) 4. Kind (4:31-5:2)

What are the three layers of the Marriage Problem Pyramid?

1. Presenting Problems 2. Relational Dynamics 3. Heart Orientation

How does counselees handle desires that become demands?

1. Recognize the way this specific desires has become a demand and is controlling? 2. Repent 3. Refocus your heart on God, submit your desire to Jesus Christ's lordship, fix your eyes on his glory and greatness, learn contentment, and recommit to pleasing, adoring, trusting and obeying him 4. Replace your sinful words and actions with godly habits

How should singles look upon God?

God is the God of saving grace and mercy, who saved us from the condemnation we deserved Jesus is our empathetic High Priest who understands the struggles we face God as a sovereign, wise, loving Father who has our best interested on his heart God is the one who weeps over the sin which is responsible for singleness Jesus as our best friend and loving covenantal partner

What provisions has God given for Christian growth?

God's Spirit, God's Word and God's People

What does godly communication involve?

Godly Speaking and Godly Communication

How should singles look upon others?

Look at them as other single Christian men and women, not as potential spouses Look at them as possible future spouses of other women and men Look at them as people who are accountable to God and who must be led by him if they are ever to consider marrying you

What are the general directives for how husbands ought to interact with their wives?

Love your wife - Sacrificial love, Sensitive love Lead your wife

What are the principles for Godly Sex in Marriage

Marital Multi-purposed Marital Ministry Mutual

What are the key passages of the Godly Relational Triangle?

Mark 10:41-45; John 13:1-5, 34; Ephesians 4:32; Philippians 2:1-4

What is the goal of marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling is merely the application to marriages of the basic principles of biblical ministry

What are the implications of the fact that God created and established marriage?

Marriage is God's idea Marriage is good Marriage abides for all people, in all cultures, for all times

What are the verses connected to the gift of singleness?

Matthew 19:10-12, 1 Corinthians 7

What are some sin-rooted causes behind singleness?

Unsaved people who love themselves more than God or others. Christians who use ungodly criteria for selecting spouses. Divorce Death

What is the only rule for marriage counseling?

What does Scripture teach?

How is Jesus our model for Godly Speech?

Words that refresh weary hearts Words that comfort grieving hearts Words that humble proud hearts Words that instruct ignorant hearts Words that assure doubting or distressed hearts

What are the marital sins which must be repented of?

Your Heart Sins (Idols) Your Behavioral Sins (Planks)

What are the principles drawn from the fact that marital sex is mutual?

[1] Either partner may request sex [2] Either partner may initiate sex [3] Either partner may enjoy sex

What are the Key truths for God's sovereignty?

[1] God your Father knows what is best for you. [2] God your Father deeply wants what is best for you. [3] God your Father is more than able to bring what is best for you. [4] God your Father will always give you what is best for you.

What are the six directives to a Spiritually-Single Spouse?

Find in Jesus your highest comfort, joy, and strength Realize that God sovereignly wed you to this spouse and wants to make you like Jesus Realize that before God your marriage is legitimate Do all that you can to minister to your spouse and remove any improper stumbling blocks to your spouse following Jesus Humbly and lovingly confront your spouse as needed Entrust your spouse's present and future spiritual condition to God, leaving the results to him

What are the key Scripture passages about Marital Sex

Genesis 1-3 Proverbs 5 Song of Solomon 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Hebrews 13:4

What are a few scripture references which are set in the context of God's saving grace? (Grace indicatives) -> (Motivate) -> (Role Imperatives)

Ephesians 1-4 -> Ephesians 5:22:33 Colossians 1-3 -> Colossians 3:18-19 1 Peter 1-2 -> 1 Peter 3:1-7 Titus 1-3 -> Titus 2:4-5

What is the Christian Marriage Commitment Staircase

1. Assess true conversion 2. View of Bible 3. Marriage 4. Biblical Problem Solving 5. Covenantal Commitment

What are the areas in which marital oneness address?

Communication Sexual Recreation/leisure In-laws Parenting Financial Spiritual Activities

How should a single person look upon themselves?

Complete in Christ Capable of contentment Capable of impact because of singleness for Christ Among a vast number of singles

What are the steps to loving your spouse through resolving marriage conflicts?

Cultivating Christlike Attitude Extending Christlike Forgiveness Christlike Servant Actions

What do the letters represent in the Throne-Staircase Diagram?

Desires which are legitimate, but can become sinful. Letters are under throne, then it is submitted under the Lord. Letters can have functional lordship.

What are the ten violations of communication?

Double bind Back door Diversionary message Bring up the past Exaggeration or universalizing Trait names Hitting below the belt Psychoanalyzing Blaming & Defending Losing Temper

What are the basic Biblical principles about marriage?

God created and established marriage God ordained marriage a as a covenant relationship, under God, with your spouse God regulates marriage by revealing his counsel in Scripture about how marriages should be established and lived out God designed marriage to picture glorious realities

What are three themes to develop in marriage counseling?

God has sovereignly wed you to this spouse to form you into Christ's image. What is sin issues is God trying to uproot? God calls you to focus on and deal with your sins so you can please God and effectively minister to your spouse and help him deal with his sins God offers you grace, power, and joy as you faithfully obey him despite your spouse's disobedience.

Characteristics of a biblical covenant

It binds parties together It involves oaths and promises It includes visible symbols It is gracious

What are five principles for why wives ought to submit to their husbands?

Jesus calls you to submit to your husband Jesus calls a wife to submit to her husband from the heart Jesus calls you to submit to your husband even if he is unsaved or disobedient to God Jesus calls you to submit to your husband in everything, except sinful things Jesus calls you to submit to your husband to please Jesus!

What are some guidelines for listening to your spouse in Christlike ways?

Listen actively and attentively Listen caringly and compassionately

What are the general directives for how wives ought to interact with their husbands?

Love your husband Submit to your husband

What are not the root cause of marriage problems?

Past abuse Present mistreatment Situational pressures Sinful influences Diseases The Devil and demons

What are the four categories of sexual problems?

Physical/Medical Knowledge and technique Relational problems Heart Problems

What are some examples of heart idols in marital sex?

Power, success, Acceptance, appeasing Fears Inordinate focus on self or body Laziness Unbelief

How should you view marital conflicts?

Realize that conflicts are inevitable; therefore expect them! Realize that conflicts are sinful; therefore resolve them! Realize that conflicts are opportunities; therefore seize them!

How should singles look upon married people?

Rejoice in the marriage privileges and delights God has graciously given them Realize that with the privileges they face hardships, temptations, responsibilities, accountabilities you do not face As fellow Christians whom you can and should minister in love

What is the S.O.L.E.R. acronym?

Squared shoulders; Open stance; Lean slightly forward; Eye contact; Relaxed posture.

What is the S.O.L.E.R. acronym?

Squared shoulders; Open stance; Lean slightly forward; Eye contact; Relaxed posture.

Three Steps to Resolving Marital Conflict?

Step #1: Determine to Please God Step #2: Repent of your sins Step #3: Love your spouse

Why is premarital training important?

The importance of the marriage relationship in God's eyes requires special efforts to prepare couples Research shows a strong positive correlation between marital premarital training and success, between the absence of premarital training and divorce Our culture, families, and churches fail to provide proper instruction and modeling of biblical marriage and family life Personal testimony

What are some Biblical Principles for Listening to your spouse in Christlike ways?

The three Persons within the God-head listen to each other God listens to us, his people God calls us to listen to our spouse in godly ways

God's Purpose for Marriage

To Provide Companionship To Bear and Raise Children To Enjoy Sexual Oneness and Avoid Sexual Immorality To Help each other grow in Christlikeness To Serve Others Together in Team Ministry

How does God want to use your marriage conflicts for his glory and for your good?

To enhance your relationship with him To experience a measure of Christ's sufferings To expose your remaining sin To exhibit Christ's work in you to others To extend your fellowship with other Xns To equip you for wiser, more compassionate personal ministry To excite your desire for heaven

What is the format of marriage counseling?

Tripp: Love, Know, Speak, Do Jones: Enter his world, Understand (and feel) his needs, Bring him Christ & his answers

How does Scripture picture marital oneness and intimacy?

Two people becoming one flesh

The ministry task of counseling is:

[1] To expose their wrong diagnosis and wrong solution; [2] To present them with a biblical diagnosis and agenda for change, with Jesus's hope; [3] To secure their active commitment to this godly change agenda; [4] To teach them and help them carry out that agenda in practical ways.

What is conjoint marriage counseling?

the counselor meets with both spouses together in the same session

What is concurrent marriage counseling?

the counselor meets with each spouse individually in separate sessions (or we split the time in half during one session)

What are some specific heart issues within marriage?

• Grace vs. works • Please God vs. Please self and appease spouse • Christ-centered vs. Self-centered • Love God and spouse vs. Love self and world • Ministry vs. manipulation • Serve spouse vs. Serve self • Forgiveness vs. Bitterness, resentment, revenge • Trust vs. Mistrust • Contentment/Adaptability vs. Discontentment/Inflexibility