Sociology of Families Unit 4

Cohabitation Before Marriage

- "Before marriage" is the most common form of cohabitation. - It is a chance to "practice" marriage without making a public, religious, and legal commitment. - Most Americans now believe that cohabitation is an acceptable stage in the relationship process and is the right thing to do for some couples. - This is a marked difference from recent past when living together was considered "living in sin" (though this view is still held, it is no longer the dominant view). - Couples with low income may cohabitate with plans to eventually marry but never reach the economic goals they have set for marriage. - Financial pressures may compel some couples to live together more for economic reasons than for love (Kreider, 2010).

Endogamy

- American marriage markets are still sharply divided (informally) by race/ethnicity, religion, and social class. - Endogamy is still very much present in the United - States and other modern societies.

Why do people still get married?

- Andrew Cherlin (2004) talks about the "deinstitutionalization of marriage," whereby modern marriage is now considered more of an option than a necessary tradition. - The formal and informal rules of marriage have become weaker. - Individuals no longer need to, or are required to, get married for economic security, social standing, or even having children. - Yet even with the deinstitutionalization of marriage, many individuals still choose marriage as an option. - If the practical, economic / survival reasons for marriage are no longer applicable, then why do people still get married? Cohen categorizes the reasons to marry into three categories: 1. Incentives; 2. Social pressure; 3. Imitation.

Endogamy: Education

- Choosing a marriage partner with the same level of education is expected in U.S. society, especially for individuals with high levels of education. - There has been growing tendency for individuals to be matched to partners with equivalent levels of education. - This type of educational matching also reflects the modern definition of marriage as a partnership of equals, with similar goals and tastes (Cherlin, 2004).

Endogamy: Race and Ethnicity

- During the last 50 years, the U.S. population has grown increasingly diverse. - Marriages between different racial/ethnic groups (intermarriage) increased from 2 percent in 1960 to 15 percent in 2008 (Passel, Wang, & Taylor, 2010). - Whites are the most likely to marry someone from their own group. - Research indicates that there is a persistence of historical prejudice and that race/ethnicity remain an issue in the American marriage market. - But, there are also indications of change and modernization in marriage decisions. - The increasing importance of education and the declining influence of religion are also important factors that intersect with race-ethnicity and have an equally important role in the American marriage market.

Older Singles, Single Parents

- In the past, family studies concentrated on courtship and dating practices among young individuals who had never been married. - However, some singles are older (more individuals are waiting until they are older to first get married). - Many individuals are postponing first marriage because education, careers, and other long-term goals. - Some of these unmarried singles have children and are interested in creating blended families (Chapter 9). - They may have less interest in casual dating or hooking up. - Divorced individuals are also a new addition to the dating scene. - The addition of older singles, single parents, and divorced individuals creates a new, modern, social dynamic in dating rituals and relationships.

Who gets Married: Education

- Individuals with more education tend to marry later than individuals with less education. - This is attributed to the fact that obtaining a college degree has become an increasingly important requirement in U.S. society. - Delaying marriage in order to go to school and establish a career also has an impact on an individual's occupation and income. - Having a higher income increases the likelihood of getting married and (in general) college and graduate school educations increase the likelihood of a higher income.

Imitation

- Many individuals are overwhelmed by the number of life choices available in modern society and rely on what they see around them. - Marriage is still an important part of culture and is highly visible and symbolic. - It remains a strong desire and choice for many modern individuals. - And even though many young adults are delaying or postponing marriage, the majority still end up marrying, thus choosing to conform to common cultural patterns.

Making Love Work

- Many people regard negotiation and communication as antithetical to romantic love. - The ideal is that romantic love should be spontaneous and passionate, not calm and rational. - How is it possible to reconcile the ideal of romantic love with the realities of modern intimate relationships? - Ann Swidler (2001) also outlines two cultures of love in the United States, which coexist. - The first is the culture of romantic love. - The second is the culture of utilitarian love.

Who gets Married: Percentage of American Adults ever Married

- Note that the marriage gap rate between the Black and White percentages has increased dramatically since 1950, even though the great majority of individuals in both groups expect to marry at some point (Edin & Reed, 2005). - This underscores the difference in attitudes toward the nature of marriage itself. - Research show that both Black men and Black women have higher expectations that both men and women should be economically secure before marriage, as opposed to Whites, who do not have the same high expectations. - Thus it seems that a partial explanation for the marriage gap is that African-American couples set a higher economic standard as a prerequisite for marriage.

Decline of Marriage

- Post-World War II dramatic increase in marriage and children (baby boom) followed by dramatic decrease - What will later be called the retreat from marriage in family research (Kobrin & Waite, 1984) - Marriage is still common, but: (a) more individuals are marrying later, and (b) divorce is more frequent. - These two trends contribute to less adult time spent being married overall than in the past. - Marriage rates have fallen by more than half since 1970. - Marriage rates have fallen by about two-thirds since 1950. - Delaying marriage - an extra five or six years before marriage for most individuals - marrying later in life - Higher rates of divorce and remarriage, more unmarried time in between - Marriage and married life now less dominant in the lives of Americans than in the past - Marriage arrives later in the sequence of major life events.

Decline in Marriage: Culture

- The culture of marriage seems to contain a contradiction in modern society. - On the one hand, there is the ideal of getting married or being married, which is elevated to an almost impossible ideal or standard; then there is the economic reality of having a wedding and living in household as a married couple. - There are some social critics who claim that individualism is weakening American society. - These same critics point to the decrease in marriage and decline of marriage rates as an indicator that individuals care more about themselves than they do about others or the institution of the family. - Some have called this the retreat from marriage. - But should the decline in marriage be attributed to growing negative attitudes about marriage? - While this may be a contributing factor, there are many other social variables. - And in fact, marriage (in many ways) remains important to individuals. - Many individuals express a desire to marry, but do not feel that it is a viable option because of social barriers and economic obstacles. - Marriage may be ultimately be desired but is postponed because of economic insecurity or other factors. - There seems to be a growing ideal of marriage even as social and economic factors make this ideal almost impossible to achieve for many.

Changing Scripts

- The formation of couples, relationships, and families have grown increasingly diverse in form, structure, and development. - The development of individuality and the freedom of choice are now integral features of modern society and also shape the ways in which we think about love and form intimate relationships. 4 Reasons: 1. The demise of the dating system as the dominant mode of relationship formation. 2. The increasing acceptance of living together as a common stage in relationships (also covered in Chapter 8). 3. The incorporation of divorced and older singles (including those with children) into the mix of those looking for a new relationship. 4. The continual adaptation of communication technology to relationship dynamics, increasing the immediacy of interaction.

Connecting Online

- The search for romantic partners and relationships has been further complicated with the developments in social media. - There are now many Internet dating sites. - The first major national dating database was Match.com, established in 1995. - In addition to specific dating sites there are many other ways in which individuals may socialize online (social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, etc.). - The development of modern online relationships and encounters underscores the modern tension between romantic ideals (of romantic love) and utilitarian purposes (utilitarian love). - As the Internet has grown and expanded, fewer individuals are finding partners through family connections and other traditional avenues (church, school, etc.). - The Internet has been an especially important connection for gays and lesbians (and other nonheterosexual, nonmonogamous arrangements). - Finding social connections can be efficient and potentially rewarding. - But there is also the possibility for lying, misrepresentation, and predatory actions. - Self-promotion and image management have occurred (offline) in the past, but the inclusion of social media adds a new dimension to these processes.

Incentives

- There are a variety of rewards for getting married. - There are also some penalties for not getting married. - State and federal governments provide rights and benefits to married couples (social protection, parental rights, etc.). - The institutional arena of the market also provides incentives (insurance benefits, employer perks, etc.).

Social Pressure

- There are both real and perceived benefits to marriage, and couples are often encouraged to get married by family, peers, the media, and so on. - There are also many professional family "experts" who similarly extol the virtues of marriage (counselors, social workers, etc.) - Family ties and religious communities have weakened in recent decades but still remain somewhat influential, especially in certain situations (Tucker, 2000).

Cohabitation After Marriage

- There are now more individuals in the population who are divorced or who have become widowed. - Cohabitation is becoming increasingly common among older adults who have been widowed or divorced. - Cohabitation may be a less risky alternative to marriage and may provide a better family arrangement, especially if children are involved. - For this group, cohabitation is less about testing the viability of a relationship before marriage and more about finding a long-term substitute for marriage.

Endogamy: Religion

- There has been a distinct decrease in religious endogamy (Cherlin, 2010). - This is partially because of the decrease in the (traditional) authority of the church for many modern individuals (Myers, 2006).

Dating among Students

- There is a lot of sociological interest in college students and student dating patterns. - This is partly because of the growth of higher education and the tendency for people to marry later than in the past. - It is also easier to study college students. - There is a trend for college students to socialize in mixed-gender groups. - This allows individuals to meet and build relationships or friendships with many other people at the same time (as opposed to dating or courting, which primarily involves couples). - Meeting potential partners is more efficient (more likely to produce more dates, with more partners, etc.). - There is the popular notion that dating is over, but the majority of students (more than 90 percent) reported going on at least one date (McClintock, 2010). - Furthermore, dating is not as egalitarian as might be expected. - The majority of college students still retain gendered expectations when it comes to dating rituals and scripts.

Cohabitation Instead of Marriage

- This is a smaller, less understood group, and the reasons for cohabitating instead of marrying are many and varied. - A small number of American couples choose to form relationships outside of the bonds of conventional, legal, or religious authority. - There may or may not be opposition to this in the form of family condemnation or social ostracization . - Faced with potential opposition, cohabiting couples are more likely to include individuals who have greater educational or racial-ethnic differences (which might make marriage an even more difficult choice than cohabitation). - Another instance where cohabitation occurs is when one partner desires to get married and the other does not; cohabitation might be a compromise. - Overall, cohabitation as an alternative to marriage is most common among economically disadvantaged couples (Lichter & Qian, 2008).

Marriage Market Continued

- This market is not limited to one geographical space, but rather includes virtual (online) space as well. - Cohen identifies two sociological aspects of marriage markets: preference and boundaries. 1. In terms of preference, our choice of marriage partners reflects the process of socialization and social expectations of what is acceptable and desirable in a future partner. - Thus, similar people end up together because of both personal preferences and practical limits (both influenced by social factors). 2. In terms of boundaries, the factors of race, education and religion are the most resilient and divisive.

Endogamy: Sex

- This whole section has only been discussing heterosexual marriage and mate selection. - In terms of endogamy, most individuals select partners of the opposite sex (outside the social category of sex --- exogamy). - However, it is difficult to measure because recognition of same-sex marriage in all fifty states is still relatively new (declared legal by Supreme Court in 2015). - As same-sex marriage becomes more accepted and practiced, there will be more knowledge and understanding about the mate selection process and family dynamics of same-sex partnerships.

Public and Private Dating

- Under the courtship system, the decision of a couple to marry was more of a public decision in that the views of family and society had more weight and influence. - In contrast, dating involved more individual choice and decision. - However even though courting was a public matter, the act of courting usually took place in a private setting (inside the home, etc.). - To put it in sociological terms, courting took place in the family institutional arena. - Dating, a private matter between two individuals, usually took place in a public setting (a restaurant, movie theater, etc.). - Dating differed from the courtship system because it took place in the market arena. - Unlike courtship, dating involved spending money and consuming market goods in public. - Dating served not only private interests but also commercial ones. - The influence of the market served to further erode the impact of the family. - And dating also enhanced the public nature of a couple's commitment.

Economics of Marriage

- While cultural factors impacting marriage are contradictory and complex, economic factors are equally varied and diverse - Cohen notes two major issues that need to be considered when contemplating economic factors and marriage: 1. how increasing economic independence for individuals decreases the need for marriage 2. how negative economic factors and economic insecurity discourage the actual practice of marriage - On the one hand, if individuals are economically secure, they do not have a pressing economic need to get married as they sometimes did in the past. - On the other hand, among individuals with lower incomes, marriage can be (or may be perceived as being) an economic burden or unreasonable commitment.

Dating

-Most individuals today still date or do something that is similar to what used to be called dating. - The dating system emerged in the twentieth century and replaced the courtship system of the nineteenth century. - One of the major differences between dating and courtship was that dating involved multiple, overlapping relationships without the expectation of long-term commitment. - Multiple potential (sometimes sexual) partners without parental supervision - Rapidly accepted by the middle class as early as the first half of the twentieth century

Hooking Up

A casual sexual or romantic encounter without explicit commitment or exclusivity - Most young adults seem to know what hooking up is, but without a precise definition it is hard to measure its prevalence. - Researchers have found competing definitions, depending on where students had gone to high school.

Social Script

A commonly understood pattern of interaction that serves as a model of behavior in familiar situations - Sociologists can use the concept of the script (as a type of metaphor) to explain how individuals interact with one another. - Through the use of scripts, individuals learn different roles through which they come to know how to interact with others - Symbolic interactionists focus on how people see themselves through the eyes of others. -In this respect, social scripts can be reassuring and allow individuals to act on social assumptions. - Individuals can follow a general script, which allows them to orient their behavior and understand the behavior of others. - The absence of social scripts can cause disorientation, discomfort, and (often) overall confusion.

Love

A deep affection and concern for another, with whom one feels a strong emotional bond.

Who gets married?

From the mid-twentieth-century to the present time, there are three major trends related to marriage and marriage rates to be discussed in the next few slides. 1. There has been an overall decline in marriage. 2. Marriage rates have declined more rapidly for some (racial-ethnic) groups than for others. 3. Marriage is increasingly concentrated among those with higher education and income.

Cohabitation

Living together as a sexual or romantic couple without being married - The increase in cohabitation between individuals is one of the biggest changes in marriage in recent decades. - Cohabitation has increasing become an expected stage in the relationship process (Manning, Longmore, & Giordano, 2007). - Most Americans will cohabitate at some point in their lives. - The arrangements of cohabiting are varied and negotiable between couples.. - There is a wide variety of situations. - Some involve commitments; some do not. - Individuals may be engaged, have children, or be sexually exclusive - or none of these things may be true. - Cohen breaks down the experiences of cohabitation into three conceptual categories: (1) "before marriage"; (2) "instead of marriage;" and, (3) "after marriage."

Market/ Exchange

Stereotype: - Rich men marry women who are beautiful but who have fewer resources. - Men choose wives based on their potential as mothers, but women choose men based on their potential as providers. - Thus individuals use their own personal traits as assets to exchange with potential marriage partners (who have other assets of value to exchange).

Who gets Married: Race and Ethnicity

THREE PRIMARY RESTRICTIONS THAT INDIVIDUALS APPLY TO THEIR CHOICE OF MARRIAGE PARTNER: 1. Education level / socio-economic status 2. Religion 3. Race & Ethnicity

Romantic Love

The passionate devotion and attraction one person feels for another - Ann Swidler (2001) describes the process through which the modern individual elevate the idea of love to an impossible ideal. - She outlines four qualities that comprise the essence of this (unrealistic) ideal: - First, love is unambiguous and clear (sometimes backed up by the belief of "love at first sight"). - Second, love is unique (sometimes backed up by the belief that an individual is capable of finding "one true love"). - Third, individuals must prove or demonstrate love by overcoming obstacles in a type of love "quest" (the romantic stories of Romeo and Juliet, etc.). - Fourth, love is permanent and eternal.

Utilitarian Love

The practical, rational dedication of one person to another based on shared understanding and emotional commitment. - This culture of love takes into account a careful, logical consideration of both the positive and negative aspects of a relationship. - In some respects, utilitarian love views relationship as work. - Love is seen as being cultivated and maintained through time and energy. - Professionals exist to aid individuals with their relationships. - Utilitarian love is viewed by many social theorists as a modern type of love and a reflection of modern society, individual choice, and individualism.

Marriage Market

The social space in which people search for potential marriage partners - Economist Gary Becker (1973) and other researchers identify the process of mate selection as a marketplace and marriage as a market. This is based on a version of exchange theory (Chapter 1). - For Becker there are two assumptions. 1. Marriage must be voluntary (for Becker, people will only marry if they think it will improve their lives). 2. There must be competition for marriage partners. - Marriage can be thought of as a market if these two conditions exist - Many sociologists are critical of the exchange theory assumptions of Becker's theory. - However, the marriage market concept has been very influential and is still widely used (Kalmijn, 2010)