13 Play Memorization: BRETT'S Lines

This is your chance, Brett. Go make it happen.

All right, Brain, if this works, we'll all be at your party!

Brett?

BLEAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

(kiss with Brett and Archie)

Bleagghhhhhh!

Yo, Brain.

Brain, your idea of taking Kendra to a scary movie was great. Now, get your Mom to buy tickets for "The Bloodmaster."

Okay, but there's a way to fix everything so that everyone can be happy again. You have the dump Lucy and get Kendra back.

Fine. Tell me what to do. You've got 10 seconds!

Okay, it's simple, really. You just go get Kendra and you... um.

Five, four, two...

(sung) But it's really gotta be the perfect party. The perfect party!

See what I told you? He is the Brain! (sung) I can't wait to come to your party!

Com on. What's wrong with Patrice?

She'll be there.

Oh, wow, hug, sure.

Unreal!

I texted you this morning, but u didn't hit me back.

Well, see...

Coach just said "why bother practicing without Brett?", so instead we watched a movie called "God Doesn't Want You To Touch That ."

Well...

(sung) Long as you're sure you're completely incurable. No one says no to a boy with a fatal disease!

Well?

Yes.

Were you touching her?

Yo, Brett!

What's he doing here?

You don't understand. Kendra and I are on a date.

What?

Evan set it up.

What?!

Oh, so you're saying I'm fat!

What?! I never said that!

Lucy: (sung) And i just saw them, right now!

Where?

Oh. Okay. If you'd rather be with him, I guess that means you don't want the tongue anymore.

Who said that?

Evan!

Who sucks now? Have fun with your new friends, skank.

Hey. Brett. How about taking her to a scary movie? Don't get terrified, inch her way closer, open her mouth to scream, and your tongue will just get sucked in with the jet stream!

Whoa!

Date?

With Kendra!

Go to the mall, buy new shoes, get a mani-pedi...

Yeah. I think I'll hang with my boys.

Wait. You want my mom to buy tickets for everyone?

Yes!

So, your tongue is still available?

Yes?

Brett! Stop it!

You are goin' down! Anyone in this town so much thinks of coming to your lame party, they're going to have to deal with me. Kendra! Get out of my way!

You said "do it" Heh heh

You two didn't set something up? I'm very disappointed, Eddie. Malcolm. There's gotta be a place that sets the mood right! Come on, guys.....

Brett, this is crazy! Why would I try something with Kendra after I was the one who got you two back together?

You're not going to talk your way out of this, we also what you did. Go on back to your loser friends, they're the only ones coming to a little lame birthday party anyway.

Brett, the Brain has something he wants to say, and we think you really need to listen. You're on your own, dude.

You're the one who messed me up with Kendra in the first place! Why should I listen to you? In fact why should you even live?

There's no way my mother's gonna buy tickets for an R-rated movie.

I'll make this easy. You want us all to come to your little Jewish party?

Whoa!

I'm gonna call you.... Brain!

Brett, stop it, you're hurting me!

I'm...not....wearing...my... cup.

Brett, it's not what you think.

Is that my girlfriend?

AHHHH!!

Okay, you're both dead. Who dies first?

Incoming! Kendra, three o'clock...

Eddie.

(sung) I've got one day in October and I know it's gonna be...

A bra what?

Whoa!

A scary movie! Who is this guy?

Brett, no!

Come on, Lucy...

You're such a jerk.

Did you just call me a jerk?

Wait. You were never going to come, were you?

Duh! Like I'm going to be stuck with that bunch of freaks.

Of course.

Friday night. 7:30. Or maybe you're not as useful as I thought.

"The Bloodmaster"?

Friday night...

At the Dairy Queen!

Get out of my way!

smoooooooooth

Guys, Kendra's a "good girl." I can't just hit on her like whack-a-mole. I do that, I'll never get the tongue.

Ohhhhhhh...

Guys.... I'll be right back...

1, 2, 3, get shizzy...

Hey Kendra. Oh, hi Lucy.

(sung Brett and Kendra) Any time!

Hey!

Besides which, they're fun! Come on, I have a good feeling bout our first day at... Dan Quayle Junior High.

Hey! It's the Brain!

(sung) What could go wrong?

Hey, Brain, did u set up my date for Friday?

I did not sign a virginity pledge.

I failed math. But we won the championship!

(sung) Which means you're perfectly positioned to get me what I need!

I got it! I got! I got it! Yo Brain! That guy? Not cool.

Yeah. Just go get to Kendra and talk to her.

I needed YOU to tell me that?

Guess what we're doing this weekend?

I thought I'd just hang with my boys...

Wait! Were you flirting with her?

I was just saying hi.

What??

It's over, Lucy! Just go! (Tell me I thought about what happened. Tell me I wish I had a... I don't know. But I know I like you. Did that work?

Yes.

It's what I think.

What's that taste?

Jesus, Crip-ton, did you just try to tongue Kendra?

...like Brett Sampson! Look at him! He's the star quarterback, the class president, he's got a pool in his backyard... If he comes to my Bar Mitzvah, everyone comes.

Kendra is going to be here any minute. We have to get this right. What have you got for me?

I almost didn't wear this, but then I thought, No. Wear it!

Kendra, there's something I wanna ask you...

Lucky us, running into you when I'm looking so hot.

Kendra, you look amazing.

Tell her how you really feel!

Like what?

Guys, you got it wrong...

Make up your mind, Brain, It's either us... or her. Up to you.

I'm Evan Goldman. From New York.

New York? Whoa!

(sung) You gonna get all up in her bidness, yo!

Nice work, Brain. I'll see you when school starts!

So you two aren't going out?

No!

Oh, so you're saying she's hot?

No! I mean, she's fine.

And if you don't want the tongue, you obviously don't want what comes after the tongue.

No, I do! I do want what's after the tongue! WHAT'S AFTER THE TONGUE?

Both of you just go away forever!

No, Kendra. Lucy, you go away!

Hi Brett.

Oh, hey Cassie.

You never say anything about how amazing I look anymore. Oh my God, you hate me!

Oh, man, not again. Lucy! I'm sorry! Put down the donut!

(sung) Tell her you thought about what happened. Tell her you haven't slept the night. Tell her although you made a huge mistake, you want to make it right.

Okay, but this is starting to sound a little gay.

"...if I can just get all the coolest kids to come to my party..."

Okay, guys, listen, up.

Archie: I know

Okay, she's going to destroy me. But she's hot. But I hate her. But she's hot. God, can you help me?

(sung) And rock it, rock it all night long

Okay, stop! Rocking horse? Yeah, not gonna work.

Yeah, you're hotter. Cause you're gonna burn in hell!

Okay, stop! Wow, you guys get a candy machine?

What's up with you?

Okay, the thing is...

Brett!

Step away from her, man.

No, no, no! It's a party. With a hot DJ, and wild dancing.

That might be cool.

You'd be lucky to be stuck with those freaks! You don't deserve to hang out with my friends.

The geek and the cripple? Yeah, lucky me.

It's becoming clear that I can do something better than Brett.

Think!!!!

Tell her you know you aren't perfect. Tell her you've waited way too long. Tell her you're sorry - tell her you mean it. Tell her you just were wrong.

This is good stuff, I should write this down.