Chapter 10: Intimacy
secure attachment
a healthy attachment between infant and caregiver, characterized by trust
Adult Attachment Interview
a structured interview used to assess an individual's past attachment history and "internal working model" of relationships
anxious-resistant attachment
an insecure attachment between infant and caregiver, characterized by distress at separation and anger at reunion
anxious-avoidant attachment
an insecure attachment between infant and caregiver, characterized by indifference on the part of the infant toward the caregiver
co-rumination
excessive talking with another about problems
rejection sensitivity
heightening vulnerability to being rejected by others
sexual-minority youth
lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth
platonic relationships
nonsexual relationships with individuals who might otherwise be romantic partners
social support
the extent to which an individual receives emotional or instrumental assistance from his or her social network
internal working model
the implicit model of interpersonal relationships that an individual employs throughout life, believed to be shaped by early attachment experiences
attachment
the strong affectional bond that develops between an infant and a caregiver
Understand the relative changes in parent and peer targets of intimacy, as well as changes in other targets of intimacy
- First, from early adolescence on, teenagers describe their relationships with their best friends and romantic partners as more intimate and less stressful than those with their mother or father (Persike & Seiffge-Krenke, 2014). Second, although there may be a slight drop in intimacy between adolescents and parents sometime during adolescence, the decline reverses as young people move toward young adulthood - Intimacy between individuals and their parents declines between the 5th and 10th grades, but increases between 10th grade and young adulthood. Time spent in family activities declines throughout preadolescence and adolescence, but the amount of time adolescents spend alone with their mother or father follows a curvilinear pattern, increasing between preadolescence and middle adolescence, and then declining - On a theoretical level, this provides support for both social learning and attachment-based views of adolescent intimacy, in that it suggests that the lessons young people learn in close relationships at home provide a template for the close relationships they form with others. Teenagers whose relationships with parents are emotionally close but not very individuated tend to stay longer in romantic relationships, even when the relationships are not very good, suggesting that difficulties in establishing healthy autonomy at home may carry over to romantic relationships (Smetana & Gettmen, 2006). These findings suggest that one approach to improving the peer relationships of adolescents who are having difficulties might be to focus on improving the quality of their relationships at home Parent-adolescent relationship: imbalance of power, teens receive advice, conflict usually result with a winner and loser Adolescent peer relationship: mutual, balance, equal exchanges, conflicts more likely to end in compromise
Describe the differences between the friendships of children and those of adolescents.
- One reason is that it is not until adolescence that truly intimate relationships—relationships characterized by openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust—emerge. Although children certainly have important friendships, their relationships are different from those formed during adolescence. Children's friendships are activity oriented; they are built around games and shared activities. To a child, a friend is someone who likes to do the same things he or she does. But teenagers' close friendships are more likely to have a strong emotional foundation; they are built on the sorts of bonds that form between people who care about and know and understand each other in a special way
Describe how Sullivan's theory of interpersonal development both builds on and deviates from prior theories of adolescent intimacy.
- Sullivan took a far less biological view of development than other thinkers who have written about adolescence. Instead, he emphasized the social aspects of growth, suggesting that psychological development can be best understood by looking at our relationships with others. In his view, the challenges of adolescence (actually, of the entire life cycle) revolve around trying to satisfy changing interpersonal needs - Sullivan's perspective starts from the premise that, as children develop, different interpersonal needs surface that lead either to feelings of security (when the needs are satisfied) or feelings of anxiety (when the needs are frustrated). Sullivan charted a developmental progression of needs, beginning in infancy and continuing through adolescence (see Table 2) (Sullivan, 1953b). These changing interpersonal needs define the course of interpersonal development through different phases of the life span. During middle childhood, for example, youngsters need to be accepted into peer groups, or else they feel rejected and ostracized. 1. Preadolescence: needs for intimacy and consensual validation in same-sex chumships 2. Early adolescence: need for sexual contact, need for intimacy with other-sex partner 3. Late adolescence: need for integration into adult society - need for intimacy precedes development of romantic or sexual relationships - capacity for intimacy first develops in same-sex relationships - quality of same-sex friendships is predictive of quality of their later romantic relationships - adolescents' challenge= transition between nonsexual, intimate same-sex friendships to sexual, intimate other-sex friendships (platonic) and romantic relationships of mid to later adolescence - Looking back at the progression of interpersonal needs that Sullivan mapped out, we can see that he distinguished between intimacy and sexuality; perhaps more importantly, he suggested that the need for intimacy—which surfaces during preadolescence—precedes the development of romantic or sexual relationships, which do not emerge until adolescence. In other words, Sullivan believed that the capacity for intimacy first develops prior to adolescence and in the context of same-sex, not other-sex, relationships. This turns out to be one of the most important observations in Sullivan's theory, because as you will read, the quality of individuals' same-sex friendships is predictive of the quality of their later romantic relationships. One of the main challenges of adolescence, according to Sullivan, is making the transition from the nonsexual, intimate, same-sex friendships of preadolescence to the sexual, intimate, other-sex friendships of late adolescence.
Describe the possible causes and effects of negative intimate relationships
- There are all sorts of reasons that girls with psychological problems are more likely to get involved in dating relationships at a younger age, and because we cannot randomly assign some teenagers to date and others to remain single, we cannot be sure that early dating actually causes problems. Moreover, early dating may be part of a larger profile that includes precocious involvement in many adultlike activities (often because girls' dating partners are older), and there is a good deal of evidence that this sort of "pseudomaturity" is associated with a range of psychological problems (Connolly & McIsaac, 2009). Because this profile is itself associated with many factors known to place adolescents at risk (poor parenting, early puberty, or family instability, for example), it is hard to pinpoint early dating as the culprit. One recent study found, for example, that individuals who had poorer-quality relationships prior to adolescence were more likely to be dating at age 15 - That said, it has been suggested that the link between early dating and poor mental health may have something to do with pressures on girls to engage in sexual activity before they are willing or psychologically ready (Marin, Kirby, Hudes, Coyle, & Gomez, 2006). Sexual coercion and date rape are common during the high school years (B. Brown, 2004; McMaster, Connolly, & Craig, 1997; W. Patton & Mannison, 1995). Although boys may feel peer pressure to become sexually active, this may be a very different sort of pressure—with very different consequences—from what girls feel. Because boys generally begin dating at a later age than girls, and date people who are younger, dating may be less anxiety-provoking for boys, who have the advantage of a few additional years of "maturity." - Adolescents who have entered into a romantic relationship in the past year report more symptoms of depression than do those who have not (Joyner & Udry, 2000). One reason for this is that many adolescents who are involved romantically also experience breakups during the same time period (Z. Chen et al., 2009b; W. A. Collins, 2003), and the breakup of a romantic relationship is the single most common trigger of the first episode of major depression (Monroe, Rohde, Seeley, & Lewinsohn, 1999). Breaking up is also associated with increases in substance use and delinquency (Hou et al., 2013; Larson & Sweeten, 2012). As you would expect, negative emotions associated with being in a relationship are more common among adolescents who are high in rejection sensitivity (G. Downey et al., 1999) or who have an insecure working model, especially those who form preoccupied attachments to romantic partners (because they are unable to fully trust their partner or see themselves as worthy of their partner's affection)
Understand the perspective of attachment theory and how it pertains to the development of intimacy during adolescence
- Virtually all infants form attachment relationships with their mother (and most do so with their father and other caregivers as well), but not all infants have attachment relationships of the same quality. Psychologists differentiate among four types of infant attachment: secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganized. A secure attachment between infant and caregiver is characterized by trust; an anxious-avoidant attachment is characterized by indifference on the part of the infant toward the caregiver; an anxious-resistant attachment is characterized by ambivalence. Children who develop a disorganized attachment, which is characterized by extremely problematic behavior, such as uncontrollable crying, are most at risk for psychological problems (Kerns & Brumarlu, 2014). The security of the early attachment relationship is important, because studies show that infants who have had a secure attachment are more likely to grow into psychologically healthy and socially skilled children - Many theorists who study adolescent development believe that the nature of individuals' attachment to caregivers during infancy continues to have an influence on their capacity to form satisfying intimate relationships during adolescence and adulthood, for two reasons (McElhaney et al., 2009). First, some theorists have argued that the initial attachment relationship forms the basis for the model of interpersonal relationships we employ throughout life (Bowlby, 1969). This internal working model determines to a large measure whether people feel trusting or apprehensive in relationships with others and whether they see themselves as worthy of others' affection. An internal working model is a set of beliefs and expectations people draw on in forming close relationships with others—whether they go into relationships expecting acceptance or anticipating rejection. According to the theory, individuals who enjoyed a secure attachment relationship during infancy will have a more positive and healthy internal working model of relationships during adolescence, whereas individuals who were anxiously attached as infants will have a less positive one - In addition, a number of writers have suggested that individuals who emerge from infancy with an insecure attachment are more sensitive to being rejected by others in later romantic encounters, a trait that psychologists call rejection sensitivity (N. L. Collins & Feeney, 2004; Norona, Salvatore, Welsh, & Darling, 2014). Individuals who are high in rejection sensitivity and emotional insecurity are more likely to develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, which in turn, lead to further increases in rejection sensitivity - A second reason for the continued importance of early attachment relationships during adolescence is that interpersonal development is cumulative: What happens during infancy affects what happens in early childhood, which affects what happens in middle childhood, and so on (Boyer & Nelson, 2015; Kerns, 1996). In other words, individuals who leave infancy with a secure attachment may be on a different interpersonal trajectory than those who leave infancy insecure. (Here's where you can see similarities between this perspective and Sullivan's.) The only way to examine this proposition is to follow individuals over time and trace their interpersonal development. - securely attached infants: more likely to have positive internal working models of relationships during adolescence - insecurely attached infants: more sensitive to being rejected by others in later romantic encounters early attachment relationships form the basis for a more general model of interpersonal relationships - "internal working model" = determines whther we feel trusting or apprehensive in relationships: whether we go into relationships expecting acceptance or anticipating rejection - working model provide a set of expectations we draw from when forming close intimate relationships
Understand the difference between intimacy and sexuality
- true intimacy is characterized by openness, honestly, self-disclosure, and trust but necessarily sexual - intimate relationships first emerge in adolescence: starts in parent-child relationships and advanced to further relationships with peers - The concept of intimacy—at least as it is used in the study of adolescence—does not have a sexual or physical connotation. Rather, an intimate relationship is an emotional attachment between two people that is characterized by concern for each other's well-being; a willingness to disclose private, and occasionally sensitive, topics; and a sharing of common interests and activities
Describe the function and impact of dating during adolescence.
Contemporary adol. romance researchers draw on: Sullivan's theory of interpersonal development - developmental progression in individual's capacity for intimacy with the emergence of romantic relationships occurring after individuals have experienced emotional closeness within same-sex friendships. Attachment theory - individuals differ in the quality of their relationships and that these differences are paralleled by differences in the relationships individuals have with parents and peers Ecological perspectives on development - relationships needs to be viewed within the larger social context Early maturers whose peers are dating are especially likely to date early (Friedlander, Connolly, Pepler, & Craig, 2007). Dating also begins earlier among adolescents who have older siblings, who are less close to their parents, and who live with single mothers, especially if the mother is sexually active herself (de Graaf, de Schoot, Woertman, Hawk, & Meeus, 2012; Longmore, Manning, & Giordano, 2001; Tyrell, Wheeler, Gonzales, Dumka, & Millsap, 2014). Family instability (changes in parents' marital status through divorce or remarriage) is associated with dating, especially among boys, with adolescents from more unstable families more likely to date and more likely to have multiple romantic partners 8 functions of dating - recreation - a source of status and achievement - part of the socialization process - involves learning about intimacy - context for sexual experimentation and exploration - provide companionship -identity formation and development - a means of mate sorting and selection
Explain the dynamics underlying friendships with the other sex and the age-related changes in cross-sex friendships
Intimate friendships with other-sex peers becomes important - pre-early adolescence "sex cleavage" - early-middle adolescence- peer groups shift to mixed sex crowds Functions of other sex friendships - in early adol. sets the stage for late romantic experiences - boys are usually older than their female friends - in early adol., those with more other sex friends tend to enter into romantic relationships at an earlier ages an tend to have longer romantic relationships - overall, boys have more to gain from friendships with other girls than vice versa Generally, adolescents say they are less intimate with siblings than with their parents or friends (Buhrmester & Furman, 1987). Adolescents fight more with brothers and sisters than they do with close friends, and their arguments with siblings tend to be resolved less often by giving in or by letting things slide than through the intervention of parents (Raffaelli, 1997). Over the course of adolescence, conflict between siblings decreases, but this may be due to the fact that siblings spend less time together in adolescence than they did in childhood as they become involved in romantic relationships and extracurricular activities. Although overt conflict between siblings declines during adolescence, so do warmth and closeness. Although some studies have found that for girls "there is no advantage, or perhaps there is even a disadvantage, to having a friendship with a boy" (Bukowski et al., 1999, p. 457), others have found that, among less sexually advanced girls, having platonic friendships with boys is associated with a more positive body image—perhaps because these friendships permit girls to feel that boys like them for themselves, without the added cost of feeling pressured to have sex (Compian, Gowen, & Hayward, 2004). The downside is that having male friends increases girls' likelihood of being involved in antisocial behavior (Arndorfer & Stormshak, 2008; Mrug, Borch, & Cillessen, 2011; Poulin, Denalt, & Pedersen, 2011), especially if their male friends are antisocial (Cauffman, Farruggia, & Goldweber, 2008). (One of the ways through which parental monitoring deters adolescent girls' substance use is by limiting their friendships with boys [Poulin & Denault, 2012].) Another potential cost is that many cross-sex friendships draw females into traditional caregiving roles, reinforcing traditional sex-role stereotypes.
LGBT youth
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender and questioning youth, sometimes referred to as sexual-minority youth
Describe the changes in the level of intimacy and its expression/display in adolescent friendships
changes in the definition of friendship - from companionships & activites to emphasis on self-disclosure, common interests, shared attitudes and values - loyalty becomes a defining feature of friendships changes in the nature of friendship - types of conflict with friends - frequency in friendships is lower but more intense as compared to conflict with other peers - jealously/possessiveness especially among early adolescent girls, and especially those with low self-esteem and high rejection sensitivity - And, despite fears that spending time socializing over the Internet will undermine adolescents' social competence, the people adolescents interact with online are mainly the same people they interact with offline (Reich, Subrahmanyam, & Espinosa, 2012) (see Figure 3). Actually, adolescents who use the Internet a lot for social networking are less socially isolated than their peers Friendship quality: self- reported friendship quality increase steadily over adolescence - Asian Americans adolescents report more dissatisfaction with their friendships than do other adolescents Conflict resolution - friends resolve conflict more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion Sensitivity, responsivity, & trust - become more responsive to close friends and less controlling - become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy
