Chapter 3: Interests and Goals

collab goals recognize an ongoing process

remain committed to the process of constructive conflict

when identity goes into question

theres more conflict, face saving is a key goal

TRIP Goals

topic, relational, identity, and process goals

statements orient toward the present and future

use what can be done now instead of what should've been done in the past -instead of pointing blame, set the expectation that agreements can come from

process goals

what comm process will work best; how we speak about the topic -vary from culture to culture -different processes encourage or discourage creative solutions -process conflicts often change when individuals feel "heard"

topic goals

what do we want? #content 1. different ideas about what to do, what decisions to make, where to go, how to allocate resources etc. 2. easily seen and tell others about 3. objective, external to us

goals change in interaction

"like a lava lamp: glowing, changing, altering, and always moving" -undergo transformation before, during, and after disputes -emerge as one and change to another -prospective, transactive, and retrospective

retrospective goals

-after the interaction -they need to explain to themselves and other why they did what they did -sometimes skipped by relational partners -give us clarity

prospective goals

-before interaction -state your overall conflict goal here

goals recognize interdependence

-have concern for both self-interests and there: remaining firm in it you want while seeking to please the other

collaborative goals

-help ppl in conflict collaborate on resolving the conflict

clarifying goals summary

-ppl assess the conflicts by making decisions about which goals are worth pursuing - aka they get a "grip" on the situation before deciding how to proceed

collaborative goals check list

-short-, medium-, and long-range issues are addressed -behaviorally specific -statements orient toward the present and future -recognize interdependence. -recognize an ongoing process.

goal clarity advantages

-solutions go unrecognized if you don't know what you want. -only clear goals can be shared. -clear goals can be altered and are reached more easily than vague goals.

transactive goals

1. during the interaction (goal shifting in conflict) 2. sometimes shift to negative goals when we can't "get what we want" (if I can't get my way, I get even) 3. when frustrated over the content of the conflict will shift from content to process 4. sometimes parties sacrifice topic goals to achieve relationship goals

importance of relational goals in conflict

1. each statement carries a relational message 2. we each translate or interpret relational messages differently. 3. relational interest carry more urgency than topic interests. 4. our relational interests are triggered in reaction to our interpretation of the other's behavior

overlapping TRIP goals

1. not all types of goals emerge in all disputes 2. interests and goals overlap with one another and differ in primacy 3. identity and relational goals are the drivers of dispute; they underlie topic and process issues 4. in a serious dispute, topic-only solutions are rarely satisfying to conflict parties 5. conflict parties often specialize in one kid of goal

2 types of topical goals

1. ppl want different "things" 2. ppl want "the same thing"

relational goals

2nd most important; who are "we" to each other? 1. define how we want to be treated by other person ("Hey, I need a little respect around here!" OR "Stop trying to control me") 2. define "us" (Hey, I thought we were best friends!") 3. seems hard to talk about openly and we are hesitant to do it (you go first....) 4. are at the heart of all conflict interactions, yet hard to identify since each person attaches different meaning to the interactions/experiences

examples of process goals

giving each other equal time to talk, voting, not allowing children to speak, talking informally before deciding, don't talk about X

face-saving attempts

indexical: -claim unjust intimidation -refuse to step back from a position -suppress conflict issues

promoting face

instrumental: -help others increase their self-esteem -avoid giving directives -listen carefully to others and their concerns -ask questions

identity (face-saving) goals

most important; who am I in this interaction? 1. as conflicts increase in intensity, the parties shift to face saving as a key goal 2. face saving and giving is an issue in all cultures -ex: in Asian cultures, face is crucial 3. in conflict interaction we either save, lose, or damage face

goals are behaviorally specific

not I'll try to do better overall but specifically I'll do this one thing better; specific, not general

short-, medium-, and long-range issues are addressed

plan for evaluations along the way, give as much attn to a few weeks or months from now as to "right now" -goals that are set u[p on a time line are less overwhelming than global goals like "lets change the way we get along as a fan" or "I want more saw in our finances"