CHAPTER 5, CHAPTER 6, CHAPTER 7, CHAPTER 8

Examples of Turning Points

(1) Activities and special occasions i.e. - meeting a partner's family, spending an important holiday, or special event with a partner. (2) Proximity and Distance i.e. - separations and reunions (3) Crisis and conflict i.e. - major fights, crisis situations, support and sacrifice

5 communication skills for forming new relationships

(1) Relation initiation (2) Skill in Self- Disclosure (3) Skill in emotional support (4) Skill in negative assertion (5) Conflict Management

Positive Consequences of Secret-Keeping

(1.) Can foster cohesion and trust between secret holders - Knowing information no one else knows can bond two people together (2.) Preservation of privacy - Identity, feeling of autonomy and control

Four primary areas to consider with regard to advice giving

(1.) Contextual factors (2.) Advice source (3.) Advice style (4.) Advice content

What are the different levels of person-centered messages?

(1.) Highly person-centered (2.) Moderately person-centered (3.) Low person-centered

Why is it hard to keep secrets?

(1.) Hyper-accessibility - Attempting to suppress a thought increases thinking about it. (thought suppression can cause hyper accessibility) (2.) Rebound effect - Triggering of thoughts normally suppressed. Triggered by people, environment, etc. Anytime you are around someone it causes a rebound effect and you start to think about it more) (3.) The fever model of self - disclosure - Feeling guilty or anxious about a secret is positively associated with disclosing the secret. When people feel anxiety and guilt that they it will cause you to break.

Negative consequences of Secret-Keeping

(1.) Lowered self-esteem and mental health issues - Secret keeping promotes rumination about a negative aspect of the self. (2.) Lower quality interaction with people from whom the secret is kept - Awkwardness, avoidance. How much does it seek into the relationship (3.) Concealment of relational problems/deception - Desire to pretend "everything is fine", desire lie to maintain/save face (both potentially very stressful )

Contextual Factors

(1.) Need for Advice Has your partner already undertaken the best possible action? ---->If yes, offer emotional and/or esteem support. If no, consider offering advice. Is there anything that can actually be done about the problem? ---->If no, offer emotional and/or esteem support. If yes, consider offering advice. (2.) The desire for Advice - Did your partner ask you for advice? (3.) The sequence of advice - Listen (active listening and what they need from you)--> analyze problem collaboratively (always look at it from a collaborative prospective)--> offer advice

What are the different types of secrets (i.e. from whom secrets are kept)

(1.) relationship issues (e.g., relationship norms, the state and future of the relationship, the amount of attention to the relationship) (2.) negative experiences or failures (e.g., past experiences that may be considered socially unacceptable or were traumatic) (3.) romantic relationship experiences (e.g., past or present romantic relationships and dating patterns) (4.) sexual experiences (e.g., past or present sexual activity or sexual preferences) (5.) friendships (e.g., current friendships with others, the qualities of the friendship, the activities engaged in together) (6.) dangerous behavior (e.g., behaviors that are potentially hurtful to oneself)

Types of love

1. Infatuation = passion only - Probably not long-lasting 2. Empty love = commitment only - Probably not satisfying 3. Romantic love = passion + intimacy 4. Friendship love = intimacy + commitment 5. Consummate love = passion + intimacy + commitment 6. Non-love = none of components

Changes in attachment styles: explanations

1. Significant life/relationship events (divorce causes attachment style to change) 2. The partner's attachment style (Your partner secure style may make you feel more secure) 3. Variability across relationship types (You may have one type for romantic relationship and one type for frienships)

Strenberg's Triangular Theory of Love Assumptions:

1. The amount of love one experiences depends on the strength of the three components. 2. The type of love one experiences depends on components' strengths relative to each other. 3. A relationship based on a single component is less likely to be satisfying in the long term than one based on multiple components.

Knapp's Staircase Model Theory

A model of relationship development that portrays it as a ten-step process split into three stages: coming together, maintenance, and coming apart. Usually applied to romantic relationships but also close friendships. The stage model depicts relationship development and disengagement as a largely linear process.

Turning Point Analysis

A nonlinear method of relationship development. The analysis of turning point events- events that are associated with a change (increase or decrease) in commitment levels. Recognizes "choppy" paths some relationships take. Less predictive than the stage model. Utilizes plotted turning points on a graph to see how various events are related to changes in a relationship. Most relationships follow non linear development path.

Information-based motivations

A reason for secret- keeping- with the intent to avoid disclosure because they suspect that the other person will find the disclosure trivial, not respond in a helpful way, or lack the requisite knowledge to respond. (1.) Partner unresponsiveness - Perception that partner will not be helpful or knowledgeable. (2.) Futility of discussion - Perception that partner is unable or unwilling to understand your position. (3.) Communication inefficacy - Not feeling personally able to discuss a particular issue.

Individual-based Motivation

A reason for secret-keeping - with the intent protecting one's self by utilizing identity management and privacy maintenance. (1.) Identity management - Concern that disclosing information damage an individual's positive face. Afraid of "looking bad" if information is revealed. (2.) Privacy maintenance - People may avoid specific topics as a way to maintain privacy and desire for autonomy

Relationship-based motivation

A reason for secret-keeping, with the intent of protecting and maintaining the relationship by utilizing relationship protection and relationship destruction. Paradoxically, people can use topic avoidance to strengthen or to disengage from a relationship. (1.) Relationship protection - Concern that disclosing information will damage a relationship (2.) Relationship destruction - Disclosing information to terminate a relationship or prevent it from becoming more intimate. Strategically avoiding topics so relationship can not advance or to deescalate it.

Passion (Triangular Theory of Love)

According to Sternberg, passion is the "hot" component of love that consists of motivation and arousal. Passion is not limited to sexual arousal. Friends can experience excitement through activities or by just being together. Passion also includes motivational needs for affiliation, control, and self-actualization. A strong presence of arousal between two people. In romantic relationships, this is physical and sexual attraction. Maintaining high levels of passion difficult to sustain. Typically, high in initial stages declines over time. Relationships based only on passion do not usually last long.

Moderately person-centered messages

Acknowledge the distressed person's feelings, but these messages do not help the distressed person contextualize or elaborate on the situation. Less effective in providing comfort. Example: "I'll bet the test was really hard so you shouldn't feel so bad."

Agape (Unselfish Love)

Agapie revolves around caring, concern, and tenderness, and is more focused on giving than receiving. People with this style cope with stress in a positive fashion that helps keep their relationships satisfying. The agapic style contains elements of both eros and storge. An agapic lover has a deep, abiding, highly passionate love for a partner—although not only in a physical sense. Characteristic: See partner as a blessing and want to take care of them. Seeks partners with positive personality characteristics. Communication aimed at intensifying relationships. Secret tests rarely used. Positives: pro-social, healthy relationship behaviors. Negatives: difficult for partners to match their unconditional love; may turn into martyrdom.

Liking

Characterized by affection, trust, respect, feeling comfortable around one another, and enjoying spending time together

Cognative Valence Theory

Cognitive valence theory (CVT) helps explain why people respond to increases in immediacy positively in some cases and negatively in others by examining six cognitive valencers: (1) culture (2) personality (3) the rewardingness of the partner (4) the relationship (5) the situation (6) temporary states Cognitive valencers can be thought of as templates or knowledge structures that people use to help them evaluate behavior as appropriate or inappropriate and welcome or unwelcome.

Advice Style

Does the advice threaten the receiver's positive and/or negative face? People want to feel Independent. Don't give advice to make it seem like you are superior and they are inferior. How is it interpreted?

Eros (passionate love) Primary Style

Eros, which has also been termed romantic or passionate love, is rooted in feelings of affection, attraction, and sexual desire. Love is an all consuming emotional experience. Love at first sight is typical and physical love is essential. Relationships based on feelings of physical attraction and sexual attraction/desire. Characterized by "intense communicatiors" : disclosing personal information quickly, wanting to know a great deal about a partner early in the relationship. Engagement in a great deal of non-verbal affection (e.g., touch). Positives: Excitement, passion Negatives: Attraction based on beauty; difficulty adjusting to inevitable cooling down Eros lovers typically have short-term relationships.

Advice Source

Expertise -Are you qualified to give advice on this issue? If not help them find that expertise. Confidence - Can you communicate confidence in your solution? Message needs to be convincing and reassuring. Closeness - Do you have a close relationship?

Lee's Love Styles

Explains that people have various "love styles" in romantic relationships. There are 3 primary styles of loving and 3 secondary styles - Secondary styles are common combinations of the primary styles. All six styles have both positive and negative attributes. One style (or combination of styles) is not "better" than another. Most people are a combination of styles, with one or two experienced most strongly. Identifying strongly with one style increases the likelihood of experiencing its negative attributes An individual's love style is not static. Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Agape, Pragma

manifest intimacy

External manifestations of closeness and affection involve communication, such as hugging or kissing. Communicating warmth to a partner verbally and non-verbally. Manifest intimacy is likely to grow during the initial stages of a relationship, reach its peak when people are in the process of moving the relationship from casual to serious, but then decline over time as people feel less of a need to show one another how they feel.

Immediacy behaviors

Immediacy behaviors are actions that signal warmth, communicate availability, decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between people. These behaviors have also been called positive involvement behaviors because they show both positive affect and high levels of involvement in an interaction. -Behaviors that increase connection -A behavior can be immediate, but not affectionate (but not the other way around) -Verbal immediacy behaviors: Inclusive word choice, disclosure depth, relationship indicators -Non-verbal immediacy behaviors: Eye contact, proxemics(use space in interpersonal communication), haptics(tactile intimacy), kinesics(body movement)

Low person-centered messages

Implicitly or explicitly deny the legitimacy of the distressed person's feelings. Ineffective in providing comfort. Example: "It's only one test, so don't make a big deal out of it."

loving

Includes all the things involved with liking and a stronger emotional attachment, willingness to make sacrifices, emotional interdependence, behavioral interdependence

Dismissive: The Detached Style

Individuals with a dismissive attachment style have positive models of themselves but negative models of others ("I'm okay but you're not okay"). Dismissives can best be characterized as counter-dependent. In other words, they are so self-sufficient that they shun close involvement with others. Some researchers suggest that counter-dependence is a defensive strategy that allows people to feel good about themselves without opening themselves up to the criticisms and scrutiny of others. Dismissives neither desire nor fear close attachments but rather lack the motivation to build and maintain intimate relationships. Characteristics: -Self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away. -Uninterested in relationships (because they would rather focus on their own goals and ambitions). -Think relationships hold them back -Dislike relying on others -Low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expression. -In conflicts, they tend to withdraw. Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy.

Fearful: The Hesitant Style

Individuals with a fearful attachment style have negative models of both themselves and others ("I'm not okay and you're not okay"). Some of the avoidants category, as do a few of the anxious-ambivalence, particularly when they have negative views of both others and themselves. The key characteristic of fearful avoidants is that they are afraid of hurt and rejection, often because they have experienced painful relationships in the past. Fearful individuals usually want to depend on someone but find it difficult to open up to others. Characteristics: -Have often been deeply hurt in the past and have not recovered. -So concerned about being hurt again they avoid relationships. -Afraid of getting close to another person, even though they would like the security of a close relationship. -Communication with partners or potential partners is guarded and anxious -Trouble expressing emotions and self-disclosing. -Don't usually engage in relationship maintenance behaviors. -View conflict as a threat to a relationship (during conflict, often withdraw and get defensive). Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of positive relationships that will help them feel better about themselves and others

Preoccupied: The Emotional Style

Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style have positive models of others but negative models of themselves ("You're okay but I'm not okay"). These individuals are overly dependent on relationships. Preoccupied individuals are characterized by "an insatiable desire to gain others' approval and a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness". Their relational identities often are much stronger than their self-identities; they need to have a relationship with someone to feel worthwhile. Characteristics: -Overly involved in relationships + overly dependent on their partners -Want excessive intimacy; worry that partners do not care enough for them -View relationships as more important than personal goals and activities -Cling to relationships because they are afraid their partner will abandon them. -Tend to be overly disclosive and overly sensitive -During conflict, exhibit demanding, nagging behavior and express negative emotion with aggression or passive aggression. Reinforcement Effect: By escalating intimacy too quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love

Secure attachment: The prosocial style

Infants use the mother as a home base from which to explore when all is well, but seek physical comfort and consolation from her if frightened or threatened. Adult: Individuals with a secure attachment style have positive models of themselves and others ("I'm okay and you're okay"). Secure individuals feel good about themselves and their relationships, and they display "high self-esteem and an absence of serious interpersonal problems". These individuals have the capacity for close, fulfilling relationships. Characteristic: -Desire a balance between autonomy and closeness. -Are comfortable being single or in a relationship. -Likely to engage in compromise and problem-solving during the conflict -Are likely skilled communicators -Disclosures, expression of emotions, etc. Reinforcement Effect: Because they are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others

Knapp's Staircase Model of Relationship Stages

Initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, terminating

What are the maintenance stages of Knapp's Staircase Model?

Integration, Bonding, Differentiating, Circumscribing. Couples will fluctuate through maintenance stages because relationships are dynamic.

latent intimacy

Internal feelings of closeness and interpersonal warmth(butterflies), which are not directly observable by others. Increases as relationships develop, then plateaus and stabilizes over time. Once two people have reached a high level of latent intimacy, their level of psychological and emotional connection usually remains high unless the relationship starts to deteriorate.

Intimacy (triangular theory of love)

Intimacy refers to warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship and is foundational to both love and liking. Two types of intimacy: Latent intimacy and Manifest intimacy

What is the difference between invisible and visible support? (invisible support)

Invisible support People report better health when they have large social networks and perceive that resources are available, yet people sometimes report worse health when they perceive that their partner provided them with actual support. Too much support can also be detrimental, especially when the receiver feels obligated to reciprocate and provide others with support. The invisible support phenomenon suggests that support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are the "most effective in reducing distress" Support that flies under the radar -Typically, it's non-verbal -Receiver does not have to ask for it or acknowledge it. -Sender does not need recognition that it was provided. Highly effective in reducing distress. -Support comes without face threats. Should be reciprocated over course of relationship.

Limitations of Turning Point Analysis

Less predictive power than a stage model. We know that turning points change close relationships, but it is difficult to predict (often impossible) what the turning point will be and what kind of change it will produce. Relationships are dynamic and unique.

Based on research, how should someone give advice?

Listening, offering emotional support, and/or esteem support is sometimes the best course of action. - It is important to bear in mind that individuals... - May not be ready for advice. - May not be able to follow advice at the present time. - May need to come to a solution on their own.

Ludus (game playing) Primary Style

Ludic lovers see relationships as fun, playful, and casual; they view relationships as games to be played and are less committed and less securely attached to relationships than are people with other love styles. They also have difficulty coping with stress in their relationships, presumably because they like to keep their relationships casual and fun. Characteristics : relationships are casual, uncommitted, a means of enjoyment, often dating several people at once., like to be "in the game", seek out physically attractive partners, Communication often uses secret tests, Communication skills not valued, Communicating at an intimate level is not important for Ludus lovers, Low levels of disclosures. Ludus positives: Freedom, flexibility Ludus negatives: Casual relationships = lack of support

Effective Verbal Support Messages

Messages that combine high person-centeredness and high levels of nonverbal immediacy are likely to be most effective in comforting a distressed person.

moral commitment

Occurs when people feel they ought to continue a relationship because it would be wrong to break their vows and derives from a sense of moral obligation to one's partner or one's relationship. Characterized by the obligation to remain with the partner, (im)morality (religion), personal obligation (you made a promise), valuing consistency (finishing what one started).

Personal Commitment

Occurs when people want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their partners and the relationship is satisfying. Characterized by genuine desire to remain with partner, attraction to one's partner, attraction to the relationship itself (e.g., marital satisfaction), couple identity.

What are the different motivation for secret-keeping?

Relationship-based motivations Individual-based motivations Information-based motivations

Secrets in Relationships

Secrets are personal information that is not disclosed to others. More than 95% of us are keeping something about ourselves from those we love. What are some common secrets in romantic relationships? (1.) Sexual history (2.) An affair (3.)Personality opinion conflicts- Perceived similarity

Bonding (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development characterized by public commitment via social rituals. Relationships becomes "institutionalized" (could mean marriage) and their are significant barriers to break up.

Initiating (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people behave to appear pleasant and likable. Focuses on first impressions (attraction) and communication disclosure is low in breadth, depth, frequency, and duration. If the perceived relationship is rewarding, it will continue to the next stage; if it is not rewarding, it ends there.

Integrating (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people portray themselves as a couple. They have a relational identity and the dyad recognizes their relationships as well as outsiders. Verbal communication changes to talk about the future and uses of we. Social networks overlap and attitudes preferences align. A higher degree of comfort in disclosing (being more comfortable with your true self).

Intensifying (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people seek to increase intimacy and connectedness. Increased content is expected and manifested through in-person contact as well as mediated (texting, calls, sharing posts). Relational partners' self-disclosure increases (deeper, more meaningful, less guarded), and relational commitment begins to manifest. Partners engage in uncertainty (reduction) and secret tests to feel how the other person feels about the relationship.

Experimenting (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people seek to learn about each other. Direct and Indirect questions are asked. Small-talk discussion happens: breadth over depth, positive valence (talking about happy and positive things- light-hearted and humorous), self-presentation. Discussion about similarities and differences: Interests, hobbies, goals, Perceived similarity predicts moving to the next stage. Most relationships do move beyond this stage.

Circumscribing (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples discuss safe topics. Partners begin to feel that they have nothing to talk about and communication is less detailed, shallow, less breadth, stop doing less for each other, tense. Sense of closeness may seem to be eroding Decrease in expressions of love and commitment. Couples feel frustrated they can't connect and they want to but can't for one reason or the other. Some circumscribing can be normal in relationships and ffforts to reconnect may still be successful.

Terminating (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples end the relationship. Break-up stage. People go from having an identity as a dyad and now have to develop their own self-interests and social networks. Depending on attachment style can determine how difficult it is to separate dyad. If communication occurs, it is usually tense, awkward, and hesitant. Relationship termination may be healthy.

Avoiding (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples try not to interact with each other, and partners create physical and emotional distance from each other. Communication is often marked by antagonism or unfriendliness. Partners think and make plans about how the breakup will occur. Three forms of distancing common: Avoidance (preventing and reducing interactions), Disengagement (choosing to hide information, interacting in less personal information), Cognitive disassociation (emotionally detached, disregard messages, unaffected by partner).

Stagnating (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relationship dissolution in which the couples prevent and stop trying to grow, the partners feel as if they are just "going through the motions". Communication becomes tense and awkward, there is predictability in what partners will say and feeling that outcome of interaction with partner will always be negative. Communication feels futile. Difficult to revive relationships in this stage as perceived cost outweighs benefits. People do not stay in this stage for long and if they stay because breaking up is difficult.

Stroge (Friendship/ Companion love) Primary Style

Stroge type of love, which is also called companionate love, is based on high levels of intimacy and commitment but comparatively low levels of passion. Defined friendship love as "a comfortable, affectionate, trusting love for a likable partner, based on a deep sense of friendship and involving companionship and the enjoyment of common activities, mutual interests, shared laughter" Characteristics: relationships based on shared values and goals, and compatibility, romantic relationships tend to start as close friendships, Personality > Appearance, communication rarely involves the use of secret tests. Both partners tend to have good communication skills and a high level of communication competence. Low Level of uncertainty. Positives: Dependable, stable, secure Negatives: Too much predictability, boredom

supportive communication

Supportive communication has been defined as "verbal and nonverbal behavior produced with the intention of providing assistance to others perceived as needing that aid." Listening with empathy, acknowledging others' feelings, and engaging in dialogue to help others maintain a sense of personal control. Verbal and nonverbal behaviors intended to provide assistance to others and aims to demonstrate concern and care. Emotional support involves expressing caring, concern, and empathy. Can't go wrong Esteem support is used to bolster someone's self-worth by making that person feel valued, admired, and capable. Informational support entails giving specific advice, including facts and information that might help someone solve a problem. Esteem support increases a partner's feelings of self-worth and promote feelings of value and capability. Can't go wrong Giving advice is used to provide facts and information that might help solve a problem. Can go wrong. Tangible aid occurs when people provide physical assistance, goods, or services, such as babysitting someone's children or helping someone complete a task. Network support involves directing someone to a person or group who can help them because they have had similar experiences

Commitment (Triangular Theory of Love)

The commitment component refers to the decision to love someone and the commitment to maintain that love. Because commitment is based on cognition and decision making, Sternberg referred to it as the "cool" or "cold" component. Loyalty, responsibility, living up to one's word, faithfulness, and trust were the top five descriptors of commitment, suggesting that commitment involves being there for someone over the long haul. The "cool" component Based on rational thought Gradually grows and then stabilizes Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness Often central to love

adult attachment styles

The different ways in which adults relate to romantic partners. Adult attachment styles are classified as secure, or preoccupied/ambivalent insecure, or avoidant/dismissive insecure. Attachment styles are the coherent patterns of emotion and social behavior that occur in close relationships. Styles have resulted from the extent to which parents exhibit caregiver attachment behaviors. Influenced by childhood attachments (same working models). Adult communication patterns reinforce their attachment style.

attachment theory

The idea that early attachments with parents and other caregivers can shape relationships for a person's whole life. We have an innate need to form attachments with others beginning in infancy. Early attachments influence future relational patterns. .Interaction children have with caregivers leads to the development of internal working models: Working model of self and Working model of others Working model of self: The degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation Working model of others: The degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)

structural commitment

The individual takes into consideration various external social and family reactions in deciding to either continue or terminate a relationship (commitments bound by institutions such as marriage). Characterized by barriers to leaving relationships, alternatives(what your life would look like without the relationship: housing, child care), social pressure, termination procedures(difficulties involved with dissolving the relationship), irretrievable investments.

Mania (Possessive Love)

The manic style is a combination of eros and ludus, and therefore contains elements related to passion and game-playing. Manic lovers tend to be more demanding, dependent, possessive, and jealous than people with other love styles. Characteristic: Crave love and want to be with their partners constantly. Tend to be highly possessive of their partners. Seek partners who can understand their intense feelings. Partner needs to be able to deal with emotional highs and lows. Communication aims to increase partner's closeness and commitment to the relationship. Secret tests commonly used (e.g., triangle tests). Positives: Shows passion, love, and excitement for partner Negatives: Can turn obsessive and controlling

Pragma (practical love)

The pragmatic style combines elements of both storge and ludus. As Lee explained, storge comes into play because pragmatic lovers are seeking a compatible partner. Undertones of the ludus style also are evident in many pragmatic lovers, who typically avoid emotional risk taking and commit to a relationship only after careful thought and considerable time. Pragmatic lovers search for a person who fits a particular image in terms of vital statistics, such as age, height, religion, and occupation, as well as preferred characteristics, such as being a loyal partner or having the potential to be a good parent. Characteristics: Relationships based on achieving a common goal. Seeks partners who fits characteristics personally perceived as "ideal." Have "shopping list" of desired attributes in a partner. Communication is typically direct. Engage in social enmeshment strategies. Positives: Compatibility likely Negatives: Danger of lack of intimacy and passion.

Differentiating (coming apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution at which couples begin to view their differences as undesirable or annoying. The goal in this stage is to maintain (or re-assert) individual identity and autonomy- acting as individuals rather than as a couple. Feelings of being "tied down" or a sense of resentment about relationship commitments and an increase in conflict. Happens because people progress through the coming together stages or entering bonding stage too quickly. Not necessarily a path toward relational termination and temporary separation may solve problem.

With regards to Knapp's Staircase model, what ways can and does movement through stages occur?

There is sequential movement through staircase model. Movement can be forward and backwards. Movement towards greater levels of intimacy and movement back to coming together stage is considered "forward movement". Any movement away from the bonding stage is considered "backward movement" and can be a result of moving too quickly. Important to note partners can go through the same stages more than once, but can they can never truly "go back".

affectionate exchange theory

This theory is based on the idea that affectionate communication is a biologically adaptive behavior that evolved because it helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival First, affectionate communication is theorized to facilitate survival because it helps people develop and maintain relationships that provide them with important resources. Second, people who display affectionate communication are more likely to be perceived as having the skills necessary to be a good parent, thereby increasing their ability to attract potential mates and have reproductive opportunities Third, people are motivated to show affection to people who serve at least one of two basic evolutionary needs—(1) viability and (2) fertility Viability relates to the motivation to survive, whereas fertility relates to the motivation to procreate and pass on one's genes

Skill in Self-Disclosure

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on appropriate levels and time of self-disclosure for the stage of a relationship. Typically increases throughout the relationship

Skill in Emotional Support

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on communicating verbal and nonverbal empathy and warmth. Important to show active listening, responsiveness, care, concern, and liking. Also important to demonstrate paying attention, not interrupt, and defer judgment

Relationship Initiation

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on first impressions and self-presentation. About highlighting strengths, hiding weaknesses, and initiating plans. Verbally communicated through introductions and compliments. Nonverbally communicated through eye contact and handshakes

conflict management

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on navigating conflict through listening, understanding divergent perspectives, refraining from communicating hostility. Conflict management that focuses on the specific reason for the disagreement will most likely resolve.

Skill in Negative Assertion

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on revealing negative personal information while still preserving negative face (ability to saying "no") as well as expressing hurt feelings

Advice Content

Useful - Comprehensible and relevant Efficacy - Will it work Feasible - Can be acted upon

What is the difference between invisible and visible support? (visible support)

Visible support -Partners notice the supportive actions. -Receiver asked for support. -Sender took credit. -Can go awry: Recipients may think people see them as weak or unskilled, and they may worry about being judged by the helper. For their part, helpers may feel overburdened or worry about giving the "wrong" advice. -Ineffective when face-threatening.

Highly person-centered messages

acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate the feelings and concerns of the distressed person are especially comforting. Helps the person gain perspective on their feeling and legitimizes those feeling. Highly effective in providing comfort. Example: "I'd be frustrated to get a C too, especially if I studied hard and was as smart as you are. I bet you'll figure out how to do better next time."

Strenberg's Triangular Theory of Love

intimacy, passion, commitment