Chapter 6

What causes children to become friends?

feelings of similarity in gender, social status and general world view young children describe their friendships in external fact oriented ways "she is my friend bc we go down the slide together" Children entering concrete operations talk about inner qualities "we are friends bc he is funny and such a great guy"

Who are most prone to being bullied and how can we help?

shy individuals Help by helping temperamentally anxious child connect with a friend preferably in preschool. Friend cant be overly controlling Forster secure attachment

Shame

A feeling of being personally humiliated causes us to withdraw from people we feel furious at being humiliated and want to strike back

Reactive agression

A hostile or destructive act carried out in response to being frustrated or hurt Humans are biologically primed to strike back. without it, we would die Ex: Manuel enfuriated with Johnny kicks him back.

How do externalizing and internalizing tendencies affect self esteem?

Internalizing tendencies: risk of developing learned helplessness. They tend to be hypersensitive to negative environmental cues, cause them to read failure into benign events (the teacher looked at me weird, she hates me) Externalizing tendencies: deny reality, if they are failing they think the world is wrong and they are correct

Hostile attribution Bias

The tendency of highly aggressive children to see motives and actions as threatening when they are actually benign.

What causes Gender stereotyped Play?

1. Biology (experiment where pregnant women were measured on testosterone levels, their babies were followed through out life. Girls who were exposed to compratively high leels of prenatal testosterone were more interested ein traditionally male occupations like engineering than the lower hormone level prenatal group. They were also less likely to ware make up. In their 20s they showed more stereotypically male interests like race car driving. 2. Socialization (images displayed in preschool coloring books, parents' different toy selections for girls/boys, message in the media, teacher's different treatment for girls and boys in school, same sex playmates reinforce one another for selecting gender-stereotypes activities. for example, girl says "lets play with dolls." other girl says "great!" The pressure to toe the gender line is promoted by social sanctions are rejected by their peers.) (when children play in mixed-gender groups they are less inclined to act in gender stereotyped ways) 3. cognition impact: gender schema theory

How do boy and girl play differ?

1. Boys exuberantly run around and girls calmly talk. (even during physical games such as tag, girls play together in calmer and more subdued ways) 2. Boys Compete in groups; girls play collaboratively, one on one. (boys get together in packs. girls play in smaller more intimate groups. Boys differ in the way that they relate, boys try to establish dominance and compete to be the best. girls to girl collaborative play really does sound collaborative. girl fantasy play involves nurturing themes while boys prefer the warrior superhero). Boys also give the opposite sec unpleasant reception. 3. Boys live in a more exclusionary, separate world Even when the active girls played with the boys group, they were rejected and forced to play with the girls. Boys are the first to put up barriers. Even though they may like the opposite sex, girls do cross the divide. Boys are more likely to avoid the other sex's typical activities

Purposes of pretending

1. Play allows children to practice adult roles Ex: girls are primary caregivers in the world therefore explains why they pretend to be mommy. boys play soldier to prepare them for their future roles. 2. Play allows children a sense of control research shows that preschool play plots often center on mastering upsetting events 3. Play furthers our understanding of social norms Children feel uneasy when a play partner proposes scenarios with gory themes like cutting people's heads. Therefore, play teachers children how to act and how to behave. Would u want to retreat if someone showed an intense interest in decapitation while having a conversation with you?

How do friends enhance the developing self?

1. help insulate children from being bullied at school. They become safe zones of comfort. Evident in the reasons for shedding friendship often centered on not being protected 2. Teach us to manage our emotions and handle conflicts (our parents will love u no matter what u do but friend's love is contingent. So to relate to a friend, children must be able to modulate their emotions and attune themselves to the other peron's needs

How to decrease bullying

1. seeking support from adults may backfire (bullies may retaliate) 2. saying "stand up for yourself" is something anxious kids simply cant do 3. Avoiding the bully may cut you off socially from the group 4. loving family relationships help mute the pain 5. Children are less likely to be bullied when bystanders ignore the bully or better yet tell the person to stop. Therefore, interventions to prevent bullying emphasize not changing the person but reversing the peer group norms. But bullying is a normal social phenomenon, even the nicest children are apt to for it if atmosphere is apt. Its not totally in our control

Pathway to Producing problematic aggression

1. the toddler's is exuberant temperament evokes harsh discipline. (leads to power assertion) research sows that regularly spanking a difficult 15 month year old magnified that child's risk of developing externalizing problems at the age of 4 2. The child is rejected by teachers and peers in school ( "anti social" child is usually excluded. being excluded is a powerful stress that provokes paranoia and aggression at any age. Also, because they have trouble inhibiting their behavior, they may start failing academic work leading to "i am not making it in any area of life" and "its their fault not mine.")

How would a 3 year old vs a fourth grader describe themselves?

3 year old talks about herself in terms of external facts, focuses on herself living in a bubble (i live in a big house, im always happy, i have brown hair." 4th graders are internal and psychological anchored in her feelings, abilities and traits ( im pretty popular, im nice to people and keep secrets, but when im in a bad mood sometimes i say something that can be a little mean), focuses on herself compared to her classmates

Relational aggression

A hostile or destructive act designed to cause harm to a person's relationships targets self-esteem and involves more sophisticated social skills and requires more sophisticated social skills during middle childhood relational aggression rises

instrumental agression

A hostile or destructive act initiated to achieve a goal. Ex: Johnny kicks Manuel to gain possession of the block pile

Externalizing tendencies

A personality style that involves acting on one's immediate impulses and behaving disruptively and aggressively

Internalizing tendencies

A personality style that involves intense fear, social inhibition, and often depression

bullying

A situations in which one or more children (or adults) harass or target a specific child for systematic abuse ex: people r bullied for being weak, awk, "too good"

Sympathy

A state necessary for acting prosocially, involving feeling upset for a person who needs help. more muted feeling (you feel terrible for your co-worker but don't feel her intense distress) sympathy is related to behaving in an altruistic way

Learned helplessness

A state that develops when a person feels incapable of affecting the outcome of events, and so gives up without trying. minority children may develop learned helplessness if they apply stereotypes to themselves: "African Americans arent good at math. so she is praising me for doing well bc she didnt think i would do well."

Aggression

Any hostile or destructive act. from shaming, to shoving, from gossiping to starting unprovoked wars physical aggression reaches its peak at 2.5 during this critical age for socialization, children are being disciplined but don't have the capacity to inhibit their responses. Being constantly scolded leads to frustration which further leads to aggression. therefore throwing tantrums and hitting is common

What sex is more likely to show physically aggressive behavior that gets them labeled with externalizing problems in middle school? why?

Boys because they are usually more "exuberant" and physical when they play.

Initiative versus guild

Erik Erikson's term for the preschool psychosocial task involving actively taking on life tasks. Children's mission at his is age (elementary) is to courageously test their abilities in the wider world

Industry versus inferiority

Erik Erikson's term for the psychosocial task of middle childhood involving managing our emotions and realizing that real-world success involves hard work we need to manage our emotions and work for what we want to achieve (industry) Now we known that we are vulnerable to low self esteem (having the painful sense that we don't measure up) Although they arent doing well in one area, they can take comfort in the places where they are really shining

Self-esteem

Evaluating oneself as either "good" or "bad" as a result of comparing the self to other people

Bully-victims

Exceptionally aggressive children (with externalizing disorders) who repeatedly bully and get victimized (these children bully, get harassed then bully again in an escalating cycle of pain) The classic victim has internalizing issues. These children are anxious, shy, low on social heirarchy and unlikely to fight back. Being chronically bullied has devastating effects (they become anxious and withdrawn.) they are out at high risks of having serious troubles during their teens. their poor self esteem snowballs

gender schema theory

Explanation for gender stereotyped behavior that emphasizes the role of cognitions; specifically the idea that once children know their own gender label (girl or boy) they selectively watch and model their own sex begins around age 2.5 when children begin to talk

Collaborative pretend play

Fantasy play in which children work together to develop and act our scenes Bc children must work together to develop a scene collaborative pretend play show preschoolers have a theory of mind usually popular until children reach concrete operations bc then they shift interest to structured games

empathy

Feeling the exact emotion that another person is experiencing

guilt

Feeling upset about having caused harm to a person or about having violated one's internal standard of behavior connects us to people because we feel terrible about what we have done

Is relational aggression most common in girls?

Girls do make relational aggression their primary mode but a study showed that boys were just as relationally aggressive as teenage girls

Rejected children

Land in the disliked category often and never appear in the preferred list. They stand out among their classmates in a negative way. "simply highly aggressive" 1. they have externalizing and often internalizing problems: children with severe externalizing problems fall into the rejected category quickly. aggression is there major life form. Highly anxious children , may or may not be rejected. But a socially inept child is likely to be avoided as early as first grade. 2. Don't Fit in with the dominant group: boys and girls who don't fit gender stereotypes or low income children in a middle-class school

Rough and tumble play

PLay that involves shoving, wrestling, and hitting, but in which no actual harm is intended especially characteristic of boys

Gender-segregated play

Play in which boy and girls associate only with members of their own sex- typical of childhood toddlers show no sign of gender-segregated play. In preschool, children start to play mainly in sex segregated groups. By elementary school, gender segregated play is entrenched. On the playground, boys and girls do play in mixed groups. But with friendships boys are friends with boys and girls are friends with girls

Fantasy play

Play that involves making up and acting out a scenario often with a toy or a prop; also called pretend play. first emerges in toddlerhood as children realize that a symbol can stand for something else.

Self esteem in elementary school

Self esteem tends to decline in elementary school

Prosocial behavior

Sharing, helping and caring actions acts of self-sacrifice as well as minor acts of caring that people perform during daily life fully swing by preschool become more frequent during elementary school. concrete operational children are more prone to act prosocially bc they have better skills (they can reach for band aid if friend gets hurt). they also have the perspectie taking skills to understand who will best comfort their injured friend children who showed high rates of spontaneous sharing at ages 3 and 4 were ranked more prosocial later in life

self-awareness

The ability to observe our abilities and actions from an outside frame of reference and to reflect on our inner state

induction

The ideal discipline style for socializing prosocial behavior, involving getting a child who has behaved hurtfully to empathize the the pain he has caused the other person scaffolds altruism when a child has done something hurtful they point out the ethical issue and try to promote the development of an other centered sympathetic response it offers children concrete feedback about exactly what they did wrong and moves them off of focusing on their own puinshment Allows for preparations, the chance to make amends works because it stimulates guilt

Popular children

frequently named in the most liked category and never appear in the disliked group. THey stand out as being really liked by everyone in elementary school they are friendly and outgoing, prosocial and kind. Bur starting early on there is a subset of popular children who are both prosocial and highly instrumentally aggressive. The ascend the social hierarchy by vigorously competing for status and then reach out to help group in a caring way.

How to socialize prosocial children

giving concrete reinforcements such as a big prize for being helpful is not effective. Pay attention to prosocial acts and attribute them to a child's personality "you really are a caring person for doing that" when a child hurts anothoer person; use induction: clearly point out the moral issue, and alert him to how the other person must feel avoid teasing and shaming. when the child has done something wrong, tell them you are dissappointed and give them a chance to ammend

Middle school popularity

in elementary school, popular children are liked by teachers and peers. In middle school, being rebellious is an "in thing" and highly aggressive children can end up in the most popular group. Therefore, as children travel into their teens no longer is being popular closely tied with being well liked.

Prosocial behaviors in different counties

in non-western cultures, specific kinds of prosocial behaviors, such as sacrificing one's own desires to help one's parents are more of a norm. In Asian nations that put a premium on modesty, its less acceptable to take credit for one's prosocial tasks

Who is more likely of engaging in prosocial behavior?

people when they are happy this explains why when we are immersed in our own problems we are unlikely to reach out to a friend. Also, children who are highly fearful (internalizing tendencies) as well as those who are relatively non-empatehtic (externalizing tendencies) tend to be less prosocial then than their peers

How to enhance academic self-efficacy:

praise children for effort rather than making comments about basic ability (instead of saying "you are so smart!" say "you are trying so hard")

altruism

prosocial behaviors that are carried out for the selfless, not egocentric reasons motivated by the desire to help apart from getting external rewards

Average children

receive a few most liked and perhaps one or two disliked nominations. They rank in the middle range of status.

5 areas children use to determine self-esteem

scholastic competence, behavioral conduct (obedience or being good), athletic skills (performance in sports), peer likeability (popularity) and physical appearance.

emotion regulation

the capacity to manage one's emotional state the skills involved in managing our feelings so that they don't get in the way of a productive life.