Chapter 7

Escalatory conflict spirals

A pattern in which disconfirming messages reinforce one another, often leading to a full-blown argument. The most visible way in disconfirming messages. Ex: two roommates involved in conflict. The conflict begins with a misunderstanding. As the conflict continues, thoughts and actions are occur as they would in an actual conflict. Beginning as good friends and ending with the destruction of the friendship, the escalatory spiral shows how conflict gets escalated by something small and leads to something very large.

Johari window

A model that describes the relationship between self-disclosure and self-awareness. A frame that contains everything there is to know about you: your likes, dislikes, goals, secrets, needs, everything. Two side of the diagram: -The part you know about (on the left) -The part you don't know (on the right) Everything about you in 4 parts: -Open area- Info of which both you and the other person are aware -Blind area- Info of which you are unaware but the other person knows. (you learn through feedback) -Hidden area- Info that you know but aren't willing to reveal to others (become public primarily through disclosure) -Unknown- No info you know about or others. You have an unrecognized talent, strength, or weakness.

Spontaneity

(Honesty) Supportive communication behavior in which the sender expresses a message without any attempt to manipulate the receiver. Ex: you may accept a friend request on Facebook, only to find that you now receive daily posts about a product your friend wants you to buy. You'd probably feel less manipulated if your friend were upfront about his or her motives from the beginning.

Relational message

(How we feel) Conveys the social relationship between two or more individuals. Makes a statement about how the parties feel toward one another based on one or more of the following dimensions. The social relationship being conveyed.

Types of attitudes when you feel controlled

-Superiority -Helplessness -Aloofness -Sexual desire -Friendliness -Irritation

Avoidance spiral

A communication pattern in which the parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship. Can be destructive.

Neutrality

A defense-arousing behavior in which the sender expresses indifference toward a receiver. Ex: "I'm just a number to them"; "I feel like I'm dealing with machines rather than people."

Disconfirming response

A message that expresses a lack or caring or respect for another person. Ex: Disagreement- "I don't think that's a good idea," "You're crazy," "you're stupid."

Confirming response.

A message that expresses respect and valuing of the other person. Ex: "you exist," "you matter," "you are important."

Social penetration model

A model describing how intimacy can be achieved via the breadth and depth of self-disclosure. (think of an onion)

Problem orientation

A supportive style of communication in which the communicators focus on working together to solve their problems instead of trying to impose their own solutions on one another. Ex: Instead of having one win, everybody wins

Provisonalism

A supportive style of communication in which the sender expresses a willingness to consider the other person's position. Ex: "My impression is that the candidate have very little experience. What do you know about him?"

Superiority

A type of communication that suggests one person is better than another.

Empathy

Accepting another's feelings and putting yourself in that person's place, whether or not you agree with him or her.

Contextually interpersonal communication

Any communication that occurs between two individuals. Ex: A routine transaction between a sales clerk and customer or the rushes exchange when you ask a stranger on the street for directions.

Content message

Communicates information about the focus of the subject being discussed.

Equality

Conveyed when communicators show that they believe others have just as much worth as human beings as they do.

strategy

Gibb's term for manipulative behavior to gain advantage. Ex: If your friend drops by unannounced with someone they think you will like, you may feel ambushed and wish that they had asked your permission first.

Qualitatively interpersonal communcation

Interaction in which people treat one another as unique individuals, regardless of the context in which the interaction occurs or the number of people involved. Ex: We chat pleasantly but superficially with salespeople or fellow passengers on the train or plane. -We discuss the weather or current events with most classmates and neighbors, and we are polite to coworkers.

Open/Public area

Known both to me and to you

Metacommunication

Messages (usually relational) that refer to other messages; communication about communication. To describe message refer other messages. Communicating about communication. Ex: "It sounds like you're mad at me." -"I appreciate how honest you've been." "JK-Just kidding."

Controlling communication

Messages in which the sender tries to impose some sort of outcome on the receiver, usually resulting in a defensive reaction. Ex: Small matters, such as where to eat dinner or what movie to watch -Large matters, such as whether to remain in a relationship or how to spend a large sum of money

Certainty

Messages that dogmatically imply that the speaker's position is correct and that the other person's ideas are not worth considering. Ex: "Only an idiot would vote for him."

Descriptive communication

Messages that focus on the speaker's thoughts and feelings instead of judging the listener. They use "I" language. Ex: Instead of saying "you talk too much," a descriptive communicator would say "when you don't let me say what's on my mind, I get frustrated."

Breadth

More casual. The range topics about which an individual discloses or discusses. Ex: As you start to reveal to coworkers information about your personal life perhaps what you did over the weekend or stories about your family the breadth of disclosure in your relationship will expand.

Depth

More intimate (going in the onion from the outside as you get to know that person more) The level of personal information a person reveals on a particular topic. The shift from relatively non revealing messages ("I went out with friends.") to more personal ones ("I went on this awful blind date set up by my mom's friend...").

Spiral

Reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces that other's. Example: In a company, the managing director decides to increase their working hour from 8 to 10 and send e-mail to all employees. Majority of them accept this time changes and few employees are not satisfied with his decision. But they cannot or ready to express their thought publicly. Because 1. They may feel unsupported by the other employees. 2. "Fear of isolation" like transfer 3. "Fear of Rejection" By rejecting their personal opinion from the public will help to avoid fight. 4. They may try to save their job by suppressing or avoid personal statement in public.

Evaluative communication

Statements interpreted as judgmental; often described as accusatory "you" language, as in, "you are so inconsiderate." Ex: "you don't know what you're talking about," "you're not doing your best," or "you drink too much."

Respect

The degree to which we hold others in esteem. How we admire and hold in esteem. (Higher value than liking and love) Ex: You might like a 3 year old child without respecting her -You could respect a boss or teacher's talents without liking him or her.

Affinity

The degree to which we like or appreciate others. (Our verbal and nonverbal) Nonverbal examples: Pat on the back or a friendly smile.

Communication climate

The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive. -Positive- communicates well, opens up, honest, makes things work in relationship -Negative- Makes it difficult to give information or to take action.

Self-disclosure

The process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and that would not normally be known by others. -Important factor is how we know the person -Self Clarification- to sort out confusion and the understand ourselves better. Ex: giving out personal information to a friend is that they want to maintain and enhance the relationship. Two best models: -Social penetration model -Johari window

Control

The social need to influence others superiority/desire status/friendliness. Ex: "It's your turn to clear the dishes off the table." "I have the right to tell you what to do around the house."

Immediacy

To describe the degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others. Usually nonverbal. Ex: While you like someone, if you don't communicate or demonstrate that feeling toward the other person, the immediacy will be low.

Self Clarification

To sort out confusion and the understand ourselves better.

Gibb categories

Types of supportive and defensive communication patterns that affect the climate of our relationship. Defensive behaviors: Evaluation- using judgement statements and "you" language Control- trying to impose a solution on others Strategy- manipulating others to gain advantage Neutrality- acting indifferent to others Superiority- acting like you are better than someone else Certainty- conveying an unyielding and dogmatic point of view Supportive behaviors: Description- focusing on the speaker's thoughts and feelings; using "I" language Problem orientation- seeking a satisfactory arrangement for all parties Spontaneity- being honest about one's goals and motives Empathy- accepting another's feelings and putting yourself in another's place Equality- treating others with respect Prosvisionaliam- being willing to keep an open mind