Chapter 9: Managing Conflict in Relationships

Why is social media good when it comes to conflict?

- We can step away and cool down - You can reflect and edit on your messages before sending them - You can remove yourself from the conversation

Why is social media bad when it comes to conflict?

-Flaming: Excessively insulting another person online, often using language that is derogatory or obscene

Passive aggression

Acting aggressively while denying feeling or acting aggressive.

What are the main conflict management skills?

1.) Attend to the relationship level of meaning 2.) Communicate supportively 3.) Listen mindfully 4.) Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and issues 5.) Check perceptions 6.) Look for points of agreement 7.) Look for ways to perceive the other's face 8.) Imagine how you'll feel in the future

What are the 5 Principles of Conflict?

1.) Conflict is Natural in Most Western Relationships 2.) Conflict May Be Expressed Overtly or Covertly 3.) Social Groups Shape the Meaning of Conflict Behaviors 4.) Conflict Can Be Managed Well or Poorly 5.) Conflict Can Be Good for Individuals and Relationships

What are the stages of Unproductive Conflict Communication?

1.) Early Stages - First 3 min of the argument are the most important - Poor listening - Cross-complaining: When one person's complaint is met by a counter-complaint 2.) Middle Stages - Engagement in Kitchen-Sinking - Marked by frequent interruptions - Cross-Complaining continues 3.) Later Stages - Excessive metacommunication

What are the stages of Constructive Conflict Communication?

1.) Early Stages - Start argument productively - Listen sensitively - Don't mind read - Create a supportive climate 2.) Middle Stages - Stays focused on the main issues - Bracketing: Noting that an issue arising in the course of conflict should be discussed later - Allows partners to confirm each others concern - Shows respect by avoiding interruptions - Parties acknowledge each other's view. 3.) Later Stages - Attention shifts to resolving the tension - Continues using dual perspective - Builds a solution through negotiation

What are the 4 Responses to Conflict?

1.) Exit Response 2.) Neglect Response 3.) Loyalty Response 4.) Voice Response

What are the guidelines for effective communication during conflict?

1.) Focus on the Overall Communication System 2.) Time Conflict Purposefully 3.) Aim for Win-Win conflict 4.) Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship 5.) Show grace when appropriate

What are the orientations to conflict?

1.) Lose-Lose 2.) Win-Lose 3.) Win-Win

What are the communication patterns during conflict?

1.) Unproductive Conflict Communication 2.) Constructive Conflict Communication

Neglect Response

Denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict.

Kitchen-Sinking

Everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument.

Interpersonal Conflict

Exists when there is expressed tension between people who are interdependent, perceive they have incompatible goals, and feel a need to resolve those differences.

Exit Response

Involves physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing.

Loyalty Response

Involves saying committed to a relationship despite differences. - Sometimes deferring your own needs and goals may be too high a price for harmony.

Games

Highly patterned interactions in which the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguing or criticizing. - One game is called the "Blemish" — When one person pretends to be complimentary but actually puts another down.

Voice Response

Addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it.