Conflict mid-term chap 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

two types of topic or content struggles

1. People want different things 2. People want the same thing (same job, same partner, same room) this creates a struggle over the goals. a perception of scarce resources intensifies the conflict

Five conflict Components

1. inTERdependent parties;mutual interests. 2. expressed struggle:joint communicative representations of the conflict 3. perceived incompatible goals 4. perceived scarce resources 5. perceived interference with goals. Perceptions are key. Communication is the central element.

perceived scarce resource

A resource seen as scarce or limited, either real or perceived, which makes people fearful of loosing.

Oblinging

Accommodation Serving the good of the group Good/Bad Advantages Prevents harm to either party Allows a relationship to continue without overt conflict Disadvantages Can be a form of competitiveness Relationships may not be tested same as accommodation. person does not assert individual needs but prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach. the individual sets aside his or her concerns in favor of pleasing the other people involved. Disadvantage: can foster an undertone of competitiveness if people develop a pattern of showing each other how nice they can be.

Attachment Styles

Affect conflict resolution abilities twenty or so years later. Infancy Secure attachment: children use caregivers as a source of comfort in stressful situations Insecure attachment: children don't use and can't rely on caregivers for comfort Affect managing relationship conflicts at 21-22 Pathway of good social experiences can help people recover from early negative experiences.

Relational Power Theory

All parties have power Power is based on social relationship Dependence on another person is based on importance of goals availability of other avenues Explains power status more effectively - its a property of a social relationship. presumes maturity and competence depend on growth-in-connection and mutuality. the ability to develop relationally depends on mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, and responsibility to both oneself and others

Defining Conflict

An expressed struggle between at least 2 interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, & interference from others in achieving their goals. "When there is trust, Conflict becomes nothing more than the pursuit of truth in an attempt to find the best possible answer." <Patrick Lencioni> "a struggle over values and claims to scarce status, power and resources in which the aims of the opponents are to neutralize, injure, or eliminate their rivals" <Lewis Coser>

Perception

At the core of all conflict analysis. In interpersonal conflicts people react as though there are genuinely different goals, there are scarce resources, and there is interference from others in achieving their goals

Expressed Struggles

Become activated by a triggering event. The triggering event brings the conflict to everyone's attention - it is the lightning rod of recognition

Integrative Power

Both/and All parties involved have power Joining forces with the other party to achieve mutual goals Either/or power is valued more assumes all parties in a dispute have power. focus on both/and - each party has to achieve something in the relationship. disputes become power struggles if the parties define them as such. Usually the first choice for women in US culture.

perceived incompatible goals

Central to all conflicts regardless of if the participants see the goals as similar or different

Importance of Communication

Communication and conflict are dependent on each other because communication: Often creates conflict Reflects Conflict Is the vehicle for productive or destructive conflict management

Gender Filters

Communication differences tradition Social learning theory Women: connection with others; self-in-relationship Men: autonomy and independence

Intent and impact

Communicative acts Meanings each person attaches to the acts through view of self and view of other Meanings the people ascribe to their relationsh

Strategic Conflict

Conflict in which parties have choices as opposed to conflict in which the power is so disparate that there are virtually no choices

Positive approaches to conflict

Conflict is inevitable, a "fact of life." Helps "bring problems to the table." Helps people join together and clarify goals Can clear resentments and increase understanding

Integrating or collaborating

Constructive engagement Mutual Problem Solving Advantages Creative ideas Productive and Growth oriented Disadvantages Can be manipulative Time sensitive demands the most constructive engagement of any conflict style. shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others and the successful solution of the problem. and enhancement of the relationship. Ends when both parties are reasonably satisfied. Advantage: works well to find a collaborative solution that will satisfy both parties. it generates new ideas, shows respect for the other party, and gains commitment to the solution from both parties. Disadvantage: one can become imprisoned in it. can be used to manipulate

avoidance

Denial of conflict A defensive strategy Avoidance leads to us having a negative view of conflict Advantages Can be good when there is little importance Can be used to give time to reflect and think through a conflict Disadvantages May signal uninterest It allows conflict to build up and possibly become worse characterized by denial of the conflict, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal, and joking rather than dealing with the conflict. The avoider my sidestep the issue by changing the topic or simply withdrawing from dealing with the issue Advantage: can supply time to think of some other response to the conflict, since some people cant think on their feet. can also keep one from harm if there may be a negative response When is it useful: 1. open communication is not an integral part of the system 2. one does not want to invest the energy to work through the conflict to reach agreement 3. the costs of confrontation are too high 4. one simply hasn't learned how to engage in collaborative conflict management

Power Denial

Deny that you communicated something Deny that something was communicated Deny that you communicated to other person Deny that what's been said applies to situation denial of the ability to exercise power. four forms of denial include;1.deny that you communicated something 2. deny that something was communicated 3. deny that you communicated something to the other person 4. deny that the situation even existed.

power falls into three clusters

Designated (power given by your position) Distributive (either/or power) Integrative (both/and power)

Unresolved Conflict

Directly affects the parties and has a tremendous negative impact.

conflict parties and interdependence

Engage in an expressed struggle and interfere with one another because they are interdependent. Each person's choices affect the other because conflict is a mutual activity

Four horseman of the apocalypse

Four communication practices that when they occur the end is near. They are criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt

TRIP goals

Four general types of goals; 1. topic or content goals 2. relational 3. identity or facework 4. process Topic, Relational, Identity, Process goals

Checklist for collaborative goals

Goals address short-, medium-, and long-term issues. Goals are behaviorally specific. Goals relate to present and future. Goals recognize interdependence. Goals recognize an ongoing process.

Transactive Goals

Goals discovered during the conflict

overlapping TRIP Goals

Goals overlap and can change during an interaction. if there is a struggle and no content issues are apparent, the struggle is about identity, process, and relational issues

Power Imbalances

High Power - having more power in a way that is unbalanced Low Power - having less power in a way that's unbalanced

Dominating

High interest in self and a low interest in others Direct confrontation Threats Verbal aggression, Harassment, Bullying, Physical Violence Advantages Used to make quick decisions Indicates commitment Disadvantages Can cause further power struggle between parties Can encourage back stabbing competitive, or "power over" style is characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior - pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another. try to gain power by direct confrontation, by trying to win the argument without adjusting to the others goals and desires Advantage: useful when one has to take quick, decisive action, such as in an emergency. can be used to demonstrate to the other party the importance of the issue.

Interpersonal Power

Influence based on one's control of resources, values, desires, or fears Ability to resist influence Expertise can bring interpersonal power the ability to influence a relational partner in any context because you control, perceptually or actually, resources the partner needs, values, desires, or fears.

Identity or face-saving Goals

Key question in assessing identity goals is Who am I in the particular interaction or how may my self identity be protected or repaired

Relational Goals

Key question is "who are we to each other?" Who has the most power? Relationship goals define how each party wants to be treated by the other and amount of interdependence they desire

FRENCH & RAVEN'S POWER CURRENCIES

LEGITIMATE OR POSITION POWER (SAME DEF.) REFERENT POWER (BASED ON RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS) COERCIVE POWER REWARD POWER EXPERT POWER (SAME DEF.) INFORMATION POWER (NOT BECAUSE EXPERT) IN THIS FORM, THIS LIST IS NOT IN THE TEXTBOOK

Mental Health

Mental health and overall happiness improve with a constructive conflict process. When people experience conflicts, much of their energy goes into emotions and strategies related to conflicts.

Compromise

Moderately assertive and cooperative The idea of Give a little and get a little User friendly/ Easy to do Advantages Quick for solving goals Reinforces balance of power Disadvantaged Easy way out Lacks creativity an intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party. it is moderately assertive and cooperative. Give a little and get a little. it requires trade-offs and exchanges. people avoid it because something valuable has to be given up.

Destructive Conflicts

Moves and interpretations of each party influence the others. Factors that determine if conflict is destructive include the context in which it occurs and the kind of communication used.

Perceived Interference

Necessary to complete the conditions for conflict. If the presence of another person interferes with desired actions, conflict intensifies. Conflict is associated with blocking, and the person doing the blocking is perceived as the problem.

destructive marital conflict

Negative conflict between parents reduces the family's network of friends and creates more loneliness. Also tends to change the mood of household interactions focuses attention on children's negative behaviors

Resource Control

Often comes with one's formal position in an organization or group. An example is the controlling of rewards or punishments such as salary, hours worked, firing Formal position Leadership creates dependence Example: parent controlling resources Money Freedom Car privileges

Power and Self-esteem

Often perceived as a scarce resources. Things people say are she always gets her own way (she has more power than I do, and I feel at a constant disadvantage. I'm always one down). Or, I wont cover for her if she asks me again. She can find someone else (I feel taken advantage of. She only pays attention to me when she needs a favor)

dance of intimacy

One partner specializes in initiating conversation, commenting on the lack of closeness between the partners, bringing up feelings and issues to get them resolved, and drawing the other partner out by asking questions like, " you seem preoccupied"

Mutual Interest

Parties in strategic conflict are never totally antagonistic and must have mutual interests, even if the interest is only in keeping conflict going.

Differing relational goals that lead to conflict

People often experience deep disagreement about the question of who they are to each other; how you want to be treated, what kind of unit you are?

what does all conflict hinge on

People perceive that there are incompatible goals held by at least two people who are interfering with what the other person wants.

Designated power AKA legitimate power

Positional power Results from the position one holds in an organization/relationship Easily seen Ex. Being a manager, mother, leader of a team, instructor, president, boss at work etc. comes from your position, such as being a manager, the mother or father of a family or the leader of a team. power is conferred by the position held

Perception of Power

Power can't be measured precisely Always remember - parties hardly ever agree on level of power Inaccurate perceptions Is almost always inaccurate. in emotionally involving conflicts, we usually feel out of power that power is an attribute of a person

Either /or Power AKA Distributive Power

Power over or against the other party Either/or power You dominate or you're forced/manipulated Use "one-up" responses focuses on power over or against the other party. for example if you see dominance as the key to power, you see power as distributive. power means domination.

Why are conflict styles important

Predicting resolution techniques Being able to understand a particular style and how to act accordingly Learning your own conflict style

Conflicts at Work

Present important challenges that affect your career development. Communication training at work is a form of preventative conflict

Power Currencies

R-I-C-E MODEL RESOURCE CONTROL - often related to position power - control rewards, punishments INTERPERSONAL LINKAGES (coalitions?) COMMUNICATION SKILLS - persuasion, interpersonal communication, ability to form relationships EXPERTISE - special skills or knowledge (not connected to position)

Family of Origin

Socializes us into constructive or destructive ways of handling conflict that carry over directly into how romantic relationships are later handles.

Expertise

Special knowledge, skills, and talents that are useful for the task at hand. being an expert in a content area such as budget analysis, computer skills, fixing houses, give power Skills Knowledge Talent Examples: Cooking Computer skills Fixing houses Medical doctor

Interpersonal Perceptions

The bedrock upon which conflicts are built;but only when there are communicative manifestations of these perceptions will an interpersonal conflict emerge

emotional intelligence

The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. A kind of intelligence that makes them sensitive to how others are feeling. Empathic. You have self-management, social awareness, social skills

Critical start-up

The first moments of a conflict interaction that can set the scene for a constructive or destructive conflict. Critical start-ups set the other person on the defensive right away

Prevention

To enhance the possibility of creative change and decrease the probability of destructive conflict. To prevent means to anticipate, to forestall, to come before, to be in readiness, deal with beforehand

Advantages of Goal Clarity

Very important! May not recognize solutions if you don't know what you want. 2. Only clear goals can be shared. 3 Easier to change clear goals than vague goals. 4. Easier to reach clear goals than unclear goals.

Mutual Interdependence

When parties are locked into a position of mutual interdependence whether they want to be or not - this may not always be a choice

Gridlock Conflict

When people are stuck in unproductive interdependence conflict turns to gridlock

How to Balance or be empowered

Wilmot & Hocker's balancing "acts": 1) Conversation 2) Restraint 3) Calm persistence 4) Stay actively engaged 5) Empowerment 6) Frame the conversation 7) Phrases to use to balance power

Interpersonal Linkages

Your position in the larger system, such as being central to the communication exchange. If you are a liaison person between two factions, serve as abridge between two groups that would otherwise not have information abotu each other, or have a network of friends who like each other, you have linkage currencies Central to communication exchanges Depends on interpersonal contacts Example: Communication liaison

interpersonal linkages

a set of currencies dependent on your interpersonal contacts and network of friends and supporters. helps one attain power through coalition formation. "who you know" is often a source of power

Postponement

a tactic works best when several conditions are present. the emotional content of the conflict needs to be acknowledged while other issues are deferred to a later time.

Violence

any verbal or physical strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view. almost 20% of people report suffering a violent episode in the prior year of their romantic relationship

conflict of interdependent parties

built on both common and disparate goals, but the parties often perceive only the disparate goals. When we realize that what you want isnt what i want we have conflict

constructive power balancing

collaboration and the constructive realignment of power are best for all concerned with the following conditions: the high power person is not abusing power in a way that takes away all possibility of influence by the lower-power person. ONe person is lying, distorting or suffering from a disorder of character such as sociopathy. the long-term gains are worth the expenditure of energy

Lens Model of Conflict

communicative acts, the meanings, for each person. 3 lenses, self, other, relationship

Estimate the others goal

confidence in your estimate, accuracy of your estimate

Negative Views of Conflict

conflict is abnormal conflict implies com. breakdown com. and disagreements are identical conflict is caused by personal problems conflict should never be escalated conflict com should be polite and orderly anger is the only conflict emotion in conflict there's one best way to manage differences

High Power

consequences of high power: a taste for power, the restless pursuit of more power, false feedback concerning self-worth and the developmet of new values designed to protect power. devaluing of the less powerful and the avoidance of close social contact with them

Communication Skills

conversational skills, persuasive ability, listening skills, group leadership skills, the ability to communicate caring and warmth, and the ability to form close bonds with others contribute to interpersonal power. those who communicate well gain value and thus interpersonal power Refers to: Leadership skills Conversational skills Persuasive ability Listening skills Ability to show empathy Necessary for conflict management

supportive climate

creating a supportive environment

verbal aggressiveness and verbal abuse

forms of communication violence. using character attacks, insults, ridicule, and profanity.

examples of communication processes to reach a process goal

giving each one equal talk time, consensus, voting, secret ballot

Retrospective Goals

goals emerge after the conflict is over

Individualistic Culture

hi content, low context = ex. US

benefits of learning effective skills in conflict

improvement of mental health, long-term satisfaction in your relationships, people around you benefit from your improved skill

Low Power

in severe, repetitive conflicts, both parties feel low power and they continually make moves to increase their power at the others expense

avoidance spiral

include less direct interaction, active avoidance of the other party, reduction of dependence, harboring of resentment or disappointment, complaining to third persons about the other party.

Prospective Goals

intentions people hold before they engage in conflict.

Interpersonal Conflict

internal strain that creates a state of ambivalence, conflicting internal dialogue, or lack of resolution in one's thinking and feelings.

Power

is at the heart of every conflict a fundamental concept in conflict theory

bullying

is ongoing, persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing that demoralizes, dehumanizes, and isolates

Process goals

key question is what communication process would work best. different processes of communication may change the relationships involved.

Topic Goals

listed, argued, supported by evidence, and broken down into pros and cons. easiest to identify and tell others about

Calm Persistence

lower-power people in a conflict often gain more equal power by persisting in their requests. change results from careful thinking and planning. with manageable moves based on a solid understanding of the problem.

Resource Control

often results from attaiing a formal position that brings resources to you. power goes with leadership and designate positions, like CEO, or parent.

Both /and Power

often the first choice of women in our culture. relational theory says boys relate to power through hierarchy. girls are more cooperative.

defensive climate

page 25. Created when people use certain kinds of language. These include evaluation rather than description, control rather than problem solving, strategy rather than spontaneity, neutrality rather than empathy, superiority rather than equality, certainty rather than provisionalism

Conflict Styles

patterned response, or clusters of behavior, that peole use in conflict

why are relational goals hard to specify

relational goals are at the heart of all conflict, but each person translates the same event into his or her own relational meaning,conflict is interpreted different by each party

Communication Skills

serve as a power currency if you can lead people, speak persuasively, serve as a mediator

expertise currencies

special skills or knowledge someone else values

Stuck in a Style

stuck in a personal style because of early family experiences and gender identity

Assertive vs aggressiveness

tactics can be employed in an assertive rather than aggressive way, but usually aggression creeps in. assertive people enhance the self, work toward achieving desired goals, and are expressive.

escalatory spiral

when conflict gets out of hand. in an escalatory spiral, the relationship continues to circle around to more and more damaging ends;the interaction becomes self-perpetuating. its characteristics are misunderstanding, discord, and destruction.

assessing your relational power

when in a conflict each person firmly believes that the other person has more power. many of the pathologies or misuses of power is that the image people have of their power is unrealistic

Avoidant Systems

where members avoided most conflict. dont bond with the caregiver.

Collaborative Systems

where members used cooperation and collaboration

the avoid/criticize loop

you avoid bringing up an issue to people directly and spend time talking about them to others. quite common in professional circles and the business world