SOH: Unit 1-4 Midterm Review

Frederic Luskin on wanting "yes" and getting "no."

"Forgiveness is the ability to make peace with the word no," says Luskin. We feel resentment when reality doesn't meet our expectations, but again we have a choice: to accept the past or not. The healthy decision is to continue our lives without feeling like a victim. That might mean forgiving whoever caused us wrong, as well as forgiving ourselves for the way we responded.

"Happiness, the hard way" by Darrin M. McMahon.

Before the late 17th century, people thought of happiness as the result of luck or divine favor. In fact, the word for happiness in every Indo-Europe language comes from the word for luck. Greco-Roman languages are an exception, but their virtuous happiness (eudaimonia) - complete with effort, struggle, and possibly pain - looks a lot different from happiness as we understand it today.

How scientists define and measure happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Being "happy" could refer to many things: a sense that our life is going well, a momentary emotion, a trait we have, or even a sensation. Many scientists focus on the first two aspects: life satisfaction and positive affect, which combine to form something called "subjective well-being." To study happiness, researchers can observe our behavioral indicators like facial expressions or beep us throughout the day and ask how happy we are (experience sampling). Happiness studies might be cross-sectional - looking at a group of people across a slice of time - or longitudinal - looking at the same people over time. Scientists also do experiments in the lab to observe how different factors affect happiness.

Evolutionary roots of kindness (Dacher Keltner).

Besides the fact that kindness propels us to care for offspring and is often reciprocated, evolution also selected for kindness because it makes us attractive to potential mates. One survey of 10,000 people from 37 countries found that good character/kindness was the most important trait that attracted people to long-term partners. Further evidence that kindness is innate can be found in our instinctual reactions. When you force people to decide in 10 seconds or less how much to give, they give more than when they have extra time to think about it - suggesting that we have generous intuitions. Even 18-month-old children, who are relatively unburdened by social norms, show strong tendencies to help others.

"How to increase your compassion bandwidth" by C. Daryl Cameron.

Cameron cites a concerning phenomenon: the "collapse of compassion," how we feel less compassion for larger groups of people than we do for smaller groups or individuals. The reason this happens is that we shut off compassion, because we're afraid of feeling terrible and having to make big financial sacrifices. Cameron has looked at different ways to prevent this from happening. In studies, for example, we can prevent the collapse of compassion by assuring participants they're not expected to donate money or by instructing them to fully experience their emotions. To increase compassion outside the lab, our job is to help people accept their compassionate emotions and not feel overwhelmed by them. We can do that by making helping easy - like sending a text message to donate - and making clear the impact of that help. Compassion training can also reduce our empathic distress and fear of compassion, and promote helping.

"A better way to pursue happiness" by Lahnna Catalino.

Catalino distinguishes between two different ways to pursue happiness: by striving to feel good all the time, or by striving to have more positive experiences ("prioritizing positivity"). People who prioritize positivity try to do more activities they enjoy - monitoring their schedule rather than their emotions. According to her study of more than 200 adults, people who prioritize positivity have more positive emotions, fewer negative emotions, more life satisfaction, and fewer depressive symptoms. But the opposite is true for people who try to feel good all the time. The upshot? Let go of the constant need for happiness and instead try to organize your week and your life around positive activities.

Unit 3 Review

Compassion and Kindness

What's good about compassion (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Compassion has three stages, beginning with empathy. After experiencing the emotions of others or understanding their perspective, we start to have other feelings. We might feel caring, distressed, or even annoyed. In the third stage, we form judgments about ourselves, the sufferers, and the environment that help us decide how to act (see the graphic above). Compassion makes us happier by many pathways. It creates empathy, improving our social connections and making us feel more similar to others (particularly vulnerable people). It teaches us to manage distress: we learn to sit with others' pain and channel it in a positive direction toward caregiving. Compassionate people also see themselves as more capable and self-efficacious, characteristics that are associated with happiness and resilience. In the body, compassion has a number of physiological effects. It activates empathic and caregiving circuitry in the brain. It makes us happier by increasing vagal nerve activity and boosting the reward/pleasure response we get from helping others. It also has lasting stress-reduction effects, lowering stress response and amygdala activity when we're confronted with challenging situations.

Peacemaking and reconciliation Conflict and peacemaking (Dacher Keltner).

Conflict among people is inevitable, as anyone with children, spouses, or parents can attest to. But we've actually evolved sophisticated ways to kickstart the process of reconciliation. Our facial expression of embarrassment (discussed below) actually makes people like, forgive, trust, and give more resources to us. We see similar behavior among primates, who - instead of avoiding each other after a fight - make peacemaking gestures that lead to physical contact and grooming.

Unit 4 Review

Cooperation & Reconciliation

Misconceptions about happiness (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Happiness is not a happy-go-lucky state without negative emotions, where all our needs are met and we experience constant satisfaction. In fact, extreme positive emotions expressed in the wrong context, or too much of some positive emotions like pride, can be detrimental. In addition, there is no one-size-fits-all strategy for happiness.

The what and why of compassion What is compassion? (Dacher Keltner).

Kindness might be motivated by empathy, gratitude, or a desire for social status, but it might also be motivated by compassion. Compassion is the feeling of witnessing someone suffering and wanting to help them. That desire to help distinguishes compassion from empathy and from mimicry. Compassion is also different from pity, which includes the belief that the person suffering is inferior to us. Acting on compassion leads to altruism - helping others, even if it involves sacrifice - but compassion isn't always acted upon, and altruism can be motivated by other things. Here's a little graphic we created that might help: Various religious traditions emphasize compassion, but where does it come from? Although many theorists didn't believe we evolved to be compassionate, Charles Darwin himself thought that sympathy or compassion was our strongest instinct. He reasoned that compassionate groups of people would cooperate better and raise more children. Altruism evolved for the same reasons, and it's called "reciprocal altruism" when we expect the people we help to help us in the future. Over time, training in compassion can increase happiness as well as altruism.

Unit 1 Review

What is Happiness?

Positive emotions transform us (Barbara Fredrickson).

According to Barbara Fredrickson, positive emotions may even affect us on a biological level, the level of cell renewal. To increase positive emotion, she recommends doing loving-kindness meditation regularly over three months. People who do this experience increased mindfulness and resilience and better health and relationships.

Causes and consequences of attachment styles (Dacher Keltner).

According to John Bowlby, families become attached to each other thanks to three systems: reproductive (sex), caregiving (between parents and babies), and attachment (love and commitment). Taken together, these three systems create "working models" in our brains: deeply held views about whether other people are trustworthy and how to relate to them. Bowlby also identified three attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. People who are securely attached are loving, warm, and trusting; as a result, they tend to be happier, have more positive emotions, have more stable relationships, and be optimistic, forgiving, and supportive. People who are anxiously attached never feel close enough or loved enough. They've often experienced divorce, abuse, or a parent's death, and they are more prone to depression, drug abuse, anxiety, and eating disorders. People who are avoidantly attached avoid closeness, remaining aloof and distant. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are considered "insecure," and we can combat them in the short term by simply thinking about positive relationships we've had, or in the long term by cultivating a relationship with someone who has a secure style.

Sonja Lyubomirsky: More or less happy, what's the difference?

According to research, about 50% of our happiness is accounted for by genetics, 10% by life circumstances, and 40% by intentional activity. The 40% is what we should focus on changing, by cultivating relationships and philanthropy, optimism, savoring and mindfulness, physical activity, spirituality, and goal pursuit.

What gets in the way of happiness? (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Although hedonic adaptation is clearly real, we fail to predict how much and how quickly we'll adapt to positive and negative circumstances - this is called the "impact bias." As a result, we're very poor judges of what will make us happy or unhappy in the future; our "affective forecasting" is off. We fear breakups, even though people who have experienced them bounce back; we pursue wealth, when (after a certain amount) it doesn't give us a boost. We buy things, when material purchases actually decrease our satisfaction.

Philosophical and spiritual views on happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Although positive psychology is a relatively new field of study, other thinkers have been pondering happiness for quite some time. Confucius advocated a kind of dignity or reverence (jen/ren) as happiness, where you focus on enhancing the welfare of others. Aristotle believed that happiness is about living a life of virtue, and it can only be judged when looking at your life as a whole. During the Enlightenment, utilitarianism advocated actions that bring about the greatest happiness for the greatest number. As a Buddhist, the Dalai Lama preaches equanimity, compassion, kindness, and detachment to alleviate suffering. In general, the happiness of Western traditions tends to be more individualistic and high-spirited, while that of the Eastern traditions is more communal and calm.

Why study happiness? (Dacher Keltner).

Americans need to learn about happiness more than ever, for several reasons. We are becoming more lonely: we have fewer close friends, and 1/4 of us have no close friends. Loneliness increases stress, affects our health and sleep, and makes us unhappier. We're becoming more narcissistic, which goes hand in hand with less empathy for others. Inequality is also increasing, as the top 1% of society experiences large growth.

"Brain trust" by Michael Kosfield.

Another game that gives us a window into trust is the investor-trustee game, where the investor gives money to the trustee, it gets tripled, and the trustee decides how much to give back. Players tend to give away about half of their money and get a similar amount back. But we can increase trust by having the players play with each other longer, introducing punishments for untrustworthiness, reminding them of their obligations to each other, or giving the investors oxytocin. Interestingly, oxytocin makes the investors give more money but not expect more in return.

"The cooperative instinct" by Emiliana Simon-Thomas.

Another game that gives us insights into our cooperative nature is the Public Goods Game, where we start with a certain amount of money, we put part of it into a common pool, the common pool gets doubled, and the money is redistributed. When players make their decisions in under 10 seconds - whether they do it naturally or they're forced to - they give more money and thus act more cooperatively. Players also contribute more if they're primed to think about how intuition helped them in the past or reasoning failed them. This suggests that we have cooperative instincts but may reason ourselves into being more self-interested.

Why cross-group relationships matter for happiness (Rodolfo Mendoza-Denton).

As if we need another reason to get rid of our prejudices, it might just be good for your health. Prejudiced people get stressed in the presence of people outside their group, but three deep interactions with "outsiders" is enough to lower stress levels. To become more egalitarian, we should deliberately expose ourselves to and cultivate friendships with people outside our in-group.

Momentous kindness Kindness is contagious.

As mentioned above, kindness is contagious - it can spread three degrees in a social network to a third person we don't know at all. Seeing people be kind or generous makes us more kind or generous. Being in a group of people who give to charity - like a department at work - makes us more likely to donate.

"Birds do it. Bats do it" by Jeremy Adam Smith and Alex Dixon.

Cooperation is not just part of human nature, but also animal nature and nature itself. Multicellular organism are simply cells cooperating. Ants coordinate their route in and out of the nest to avoid traffic jams. Big fish let little fish clean out their mouths in exchange for a snack. Birds gang up to protect each other from predators - but only if the bird in danger has come to their aid before. Four out of five bats would die if they didn't share food, which they do - as long as the other bats share with them. All these behaviors should inspire us to nurture our own cooperative natures. Neuroscience of cooperation (Emiliana Simon-Thomas). Cooperation - and the lack of it - has a distinctive effect on the brain. Cooperation activates our reward-processing and pleasure centers. When cooperation breaks down, we feel displeasure and our amygdala gets activated. Some brain areas, like the insula, activate when we cooperate or compete with others - suggesting they deal with our connection and attunement to other people. Other prefrontal areas activate only during competition, when we may need more brainpower for decision-making. The "dark side" of the neuroscience of cooperation is that people who perform "altruistic punishment" - against non-cooperators - have activation in the same reward-processing areas, the striatum and medial prefrontal cortex. In both of those cases (cooperation or punishing non-cooperators), the social order is being upheld.

Roadmap for week 4 (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Cooperation, one of this week's themes, means working together toward a common goal for mutual benefit. We'll look at how we evolved to cooperate and how cooperation is more intrinsic to human beings than competition.

"Can fighting poverty make you happy?" by Jill Suttie.

Daniel Karslake, creator of the documentary Every Three Seconds about five people fighting hunger and poverty, shared his insights about helping with Suttie. Helping can start small, and it's not necessarily done out of a sense of duty - instead, people simply realize they have the opportunity to make a difference. Helpers should be aware of what the recipients need, rather than imposing their views on what would help. And helping can be incredibly rewarding when we see people transformed from a state of suffering to happiness and gratitude.

Skeptics and champions of compassion and kindness Skeptical views on compassion and kindness (Dacher Keltner).

Despite recent scientific evidence for it, our compassionate nature has its critics. Freud believed that humans only desire sex and destruction, while Machiavelli saw us as fickle, hypocritical, and greedy beings. Immanuel Kant thought sympathy was a sign of weakness, and Ayn Rand famously spoke out against altruism. In addition, our national and global culture is not as compassionate as it could be. Among industrialized nations, the United States is the only one to punish prisoners with solitary confinement and has one of the harshest criminal justice systems. Studies show that empathy is declining among students.

"The evolution of empathy" by Frans de Waal.

Empathy is useful from an evolutionary perspective because it encourages us to care for our young and work cooperatively in groups. So it should be no surprise that humans aren't the only empathetic creatures: researchers have observed empathy in domestic pets as well as apes, who console fellow apes who are suffering. Over the course of our lifetime, empathy grows from relatively simple mimicry and transmission of emotions to the more complex ability to take someone else's perspective. Empathy has a role to play in bringing people across the world closer together and reducing discrimination. But to do that, we'll have to figure out how to overcome our innate tendencies to hate our enemies, ignore strangers, and distrust people who are different.

Sources of happiness: A teaser (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Exercise, sleep, achievement, and social relationships - but that's a story for next week.

The voice: A primal way we connect.

Finally, our voice is a key tool for connection. We're able to make more vocal sounds than other primates - in fact, we can communicate many emotions like interest, disgust, and sadness without even saying a word (hmm!). Our ears are also specially built for hearing human speech.

Happiness practice #3: Random acts of kindness

Follow Lyubomirsky's suggestion and do five kind things - that you wouldn't normally do - in a single day. To maximize the effects, make them all different and take time later to write down what you did and how you felt. The five kindnesses don't have to be for the same person, and the person doesn't even have to know about it (like feeding someone's parking meter).

"The new science of forgiveness" by Everett L. Worthington Jr.

Forgiveness is actually good for our health: people who forgive have less stress and less hostility (a marker of Type A behavior, which is a risk factor for heart disease). This is particularly true of older people, who are more likely to forgive and experience benefits like less nervousness, restlessness, and sadness. Not forgiving may disrupt the way our bodies produce hormones or respond to bacteria, infections, and other health challenges. Forgiveness is also good for our relationships. It correlates with happier and more committed relationships, particularly in marriages. That doesn't mean forgiveness is easier in close relationships, but it helps if our partner seems trustworthy and willing to sacrifice for us. In contrast, people who don't forgive experience more conflict, negative emotions, and unwillingness to compromise. When they don't forgive, partners can become competitive and start to "keep score," which is extremely detrimental to the relationship. So how do we get to a place of forgiveness, with its benefits to self-esteem, mood, and happiness? Besides forgiveness training, we can summon our hearts (or, more accurately, our brain's limbic system) to be empathetic, rather than looking at the issue from the perspective of fairness and rationality. And we can accept that forgiveness takes time.

Intro to the science of forgiveness (Dacher Keltner).

Forgiveness occurs when we are able to accept what happened, reduce our desire for revenge, avoid the offender less, and feel more compassion for them. It's not reconciliation for the sake of reconciliation or taking away responsibility from the offender; in fact, it can be something we do for our own well-being. Forgiveness is linked to more life satisfaction, more positive emotions, less negative emotions, less physical symptoms of illness, and less fight-or-flight response. Couples who forgive are happier as many as 9 weeks later.

How friendships matter for happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Friendships, or alliances with non-kin, have many benefits to our lives. While chimpanzees (and some humans) use them to gain power, the more civilized among us find practical help, emotional support, and a sympathetic ear in our friends. Friendship and connection have health benefits, activating oxytocin, combatting stress, and even increasing lifespan.

"Trust and betrayal" by John Gottman.

Gottman identified a "betrayal metric" to measure the lack of trust in a relationship. He had couples interact and then independently rate their interactions afterward. For couples with less trust, interactions were more like a zero-sum game - when she rated it well, he rated it poorly, for example. Astonishingly, higher trust was correlated not just with relationship stability but also with longevity in husbands. When trust isn't there, we see partners using the relationship as a "comparison level for alternatives" (CL-ALT); they start to think they would be happier with someone else, which changes behaviors significantly. Trust is built like a tower of cards, one "sliding door" moment at a time. At many points in a relationship, we have the choice to connect with our partner or turn away from them - ignoring their emotions, concealing our own, or not engaging with them. The most trusting couples are ATTUNEd to their partners: Aware of their emotions, Turning toward them, Tolerating different views, trying to Understand their partner, Not being defensive, and feeling Empathy. While it's critical in relationships, trust is also important on a global scale. Regions of the world with low trust have lower voting rates, less active parents/schools, less philanthropy, more crime, lower longevity, worse health, worse academic performance, and more inequality.

"Wired to be inspired" by Jonathan Haidt.

Haidt studies "elevation," the warm and uplifting feeling of seeing someone do something good, kind, courageous, or compassionate. The most common cause of elevation is seeing someone help a person in need. What does elevation feel like? We might feel a pleasant tingling in our chest, cry, or (for me) get goosebumps. We feel emotionally moved, surprised and stunned. Elevation induces social feelings, like the desire to be with, love, and help others and the desire to be closer to the person doing the good deed. Elevation can also reduce cynicism and cause people to "turn over a new leaf" or vow to become a better person.

Unit 2 Review

Happiness and social connection

Why does happiness matter?The benefits of happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Happiness is associated with greater longevity - 5-7 years for happiness when you're young, or 20 months for happiness when you're older. It's also associated with better health, from decreased chronic pain, increased immune activity, and better cardiovascular health to a decreased likelihood of diabetes, stroke, cancer mortality, and fatal accidents. Happy people have better social relationships: they have more friends, are judged more warm and intelligent and less selfish, and are more likely to get assistance and trust. Happy people who get married are less likely to get divorced and feel more love and fulfillment. Finally, happiness can boost creativity and innovation for us and our subordinates at work, if we happen to be managers.

In the 17th and 18th centuries, a kind of happiness revolution took place.

Happiness was declared to be natural - a right - and the goal of life to increase pleasure and decrease pain. But that perspective has some drawbacks - namely, it minimizes the effort that happiness requires and frustrates us when we feel the normal negative emotions of life. In some ways, positive psychology is finding a balance between these perspectives and reintroducing the notions of virtue and effort to our understanding of happiness.

Philip Zimbardo: The Heroic Imagination Project.

Heroism ranges from helping in an emergency or sacrificing for non-family to whistle blowing and defying injustice. Although heroes are often seen as solitary, heroism actually works best when we organize networks of people. Through his research, Zimbardo has identified some of the demographic characteristics of heroes, which make up 20% of the population. They tend to be city dwellers, educated, male, and black. Surviving a disaster or trauma makes us three times more likely to be a hero, and one-third of all heroes are also volunteers. Zimbardo's Heroic Imagination Project is trying to figure out how to turn compassion into heroism. In his eyes, heroism is the antidote to indifference and evil.

Introduction to apology (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

How else do we resolve conflicts other than looking embarrassed? We apologize, of course. Research has shown that apologies increase psychological health and positive emotion in victims, while decreasing negative emotions. They also benefit the apologizer, who similarly sees an increase in psychological health, positive emotion, and (if they're a leader) authentic pride. An apology will always generate some negative emotion for the apologizer, but that's part of the journey to greater well-being. An effective apology has four components: • We express remorse, shame, or humility in recognizing how the victim suffered. • We acknowledge the specific offense and accept responsibility - that includes elaborating on who was the offender, who was offended, and what the offense was. • We show empathy and offer an explanation for why we did what we did. Often we might explain why our actions weren't intentional or personal in order to convince the victim that it won't happen again. • We offer compensation or reparation. This kind of apology satisfies the victim's psychological needs for dignity, shared values, and an opportunity to express their feelings. It convinces the victim they weren't responsible and that it won't happen again. It also creates reparative justice by planning some punishment for the offender and some compensation for the victim. "Making peace through apology" by Aaron Lazare. The step where apologies often break down is in acknowledging the offense, because the offender doesn't get specific enough. But if done right, apologies make it easier for the victim to forgive. Victims may even accept some blame and end up closer to the offender. When an apology isn't forthcoming, it might still make sense to forgive - which is different from reconciling - because of the benefits for the forgiver.

"Why be happy?" from The How of Happiness.

In addition to the above, happy people are more sociable and energetic, and more charitable and cooperative. They think more flexibly and with more ingenuity. Happy college freshmen have higher salaries 16 years later; happy female students are more likely to be married at age 27 and satisfied in marriage at age 52.

"What makes a happy parent?" by Emily Nauman.

In fact, many different factors have an effect on whether a particular parent is happy or not. Parents who are older, male, and securely attached tend to be happier. Parents with trouble-free, easy-tempered, and older children are as well. And so are parents who have strong social networks, are married, and have custody of their kids. And don't forget that happy parents make for happy children.

The evolution of cooperation (Dacher Keltner).

It make sense that we evolved to be cooperative because of its benefits for groups and for individuals. Even today, neighborhoods with more social cohesion and cooperation (called "collective efficacy") have better child health and life expectancies, greater high school graduation rates, and less social disorder. In contrast, non-cooperative or "Machiavellian" people feel more isolated, more stressed, and less happy. And when we look at our primate relatives, we see that they in fact are quite cooperative. The prisoner's dilemma game, where two players choose to either defect or cooperate and get punished accordingly, is a microcosm of society. While an individual can get the best outcome by defecting when their partner cooperates, this strategy obviously wouldn't work if everyone used it. Ideally, everyone would cooperate and achieve the greatest collective good. On the individual level, the best strategy is called "tit for tat": we start cooperative then mirror our partner's actions. This strategy is forgiving and transparent, but it prevents us from becoming a sucker.

"The choice to forgive" by Frederic Luskin.

Luskin is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, which do research and offer classes on forgiveness. They've discovered that forgiveness can reduce stress, anger, depression, and hurt while increasing optimism, hope, compassion, and vitality. Part of the process of forgiveness involves rejecting our own "unenforceable rules" and creating "enforceable rules." Unenforceable rules are desires that we have no control over - such as wanting other people to be a certain way - while enforceable rules are desires and goals that are within our control. The way to become forgiving is to practice it on small harms so that we'll be more prepared to forgive when we're seriously hurt.

The science of forgiveness Jack Kornfield on what forgiveness means.

Many common views of forgiveness miss the mark. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning or forgetting; rather, it involves accepting negative emotions like betrayal, anger, grief, or fear. It doesn't minimize the offense, and we may still resolve to never suffer the same way again. It's something we do for ourselves, so it may not even involve contact with the offender. And it's a very profound and challenging process that doesn't happen overnight.

The kindness-happiness loop The kindness-happiness loop (Dacher Keltner).

Many studies have linked kindness to happiness, health, and a decrease in negative emotions. Kindness makes us less lonely and less depressed. It strengthens our immune system, reduces aches and pains, improves our cardiovascular profile, and boosts energy and strength in elderly people. In fact, people who volunteer live longer, and elderly people who care for others are less likely to die over a certain period of time. In one famous study, people who spent $5 or $20 on others were happier at the end of the day, while people who spent it on themselves got less happy - a finding that is being confirmed across cultures. If we enroll in a two-month program in loving-kindness meditation, we'll see an increase in our daily positive emotions.

Money and happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Money makes us happier - but only up to a certain point. People in poor countries become happier when they have more money, but we don't see much change in happiness as people start earning more than $75,000 a year. These days, wealth but not happiness is increasing in the United States, and 37% of the wealthiest Americans are less happy than the average American.

Happiness Practice #2: Active listening

One practice that's been shown to increase happiness is active listening. Take 15-30 minutes a week to have a conversation with someone you're close to, and ask them to share what's on their mind. As they're talking, show attentive body language and don't get distracted or interrupt them. Make sure you understand by paraphrasing what they're saying and asking questions. Try to be empathetic and avoid pronouncing judgments. When they've finished talking, share something yourself. This technique is especially useful for difficult conversations and showing your support. It can make your conversation partner feel more understood and improve satisfaction in your relationship.

"Scratch a happy adult, find a socially connected childhood" by Lauren Klein.

One study in New Zealand followed hundreds of people from childhood to age 38 to understand the link between achievement, social connection, and happiness. Both achievement and social connection were associated with happiness for kids, but as they reached their later teen years, social connections became more important. Social connections give us support during challenges in life, help us see our strengths, and provide meaning.

"Being kind makes kids happy" by Delia Fuhrmann.

One study introduced toddlers to a monkey pet and then distributed treats in various ways. Observers rated the toddler as happier when giving away one of their treats to the monkey than giving away a treat the experimenter found or even getting a treat. This suggests that kindness is innately pleasurable, although it's possible that these young children have already been taught to be kind. Research suggests that the way to raise kind children is not necessarily to reward them for kindness, which makes them see themselves as doing kind acts for the reward. Instead, parents should help kids cultivate an internal motivation to be kind.

"Kindness makes you happy...and happiness makes you kind" by Alex Dixon.

One study showed that doing a daily act of kindness gives us as much of a happiness boost as doing something new every day. Even remembering a time when we spent money on someone else can boost happiness, and the happier we are when reminiscing, the more likely we'll choose to spend money on others again (when given the option).

Attachment, happiness, and the brain (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Our attachment style, shaped by our early childhood experiences, affects how oxytocin is released and used in the brain. The mechanism is something called the "care-nurturance circuitry," which controls the production of oxytocin. In comparison to securely attached people, anxiously attached people have a greater amygdala response to negative feedback and avoidantly attached people have a lesser response to positive feedback. In other words, insecure attachments increase the sting of criticism and dampen the thrill of praise. "How to stop attachment insecurity from ruining your happiness" by Meghan Laslocky. Sometimes psychologists talk about a fourth style of attachment: fearful-avoidant, where we want to be close but are afraid of being hurt. To overcome our insecure attachment, we should understand our personal style and consider seeing a therapist with expertise in attachment. If we're in a relationship, we should make sure our partner is securely attached or consider couples therapy if they aren't, and practice communicating better. Any movement toward secure attachment has beneficial side effects, including more generosity, altruism, and compassion.

"Born to blush" by Dacher Keltner.

Our embarrassed facial expression has many components that help us move past whatever gaffe we've committed. When we're embarrassed, we turn our heads down and to the side, exposing our vulnerable necks and showing weakness and humility in a way similar to animal gestures of appeasement. That movement breaks our eye contact with the other(s) and serves to cut off the previous interaction and start a new one. We also smile, but in a way that's similar to primates' "fear grimace" or bare-teeth grin, showing inhibition. We may look up furtively a few times and touch our faces, something primates do as well. All this communicates respect for others and acknowledgement of our transgression, and it helps the two parties make peace and become cooperative again - which is good for everyone in the long run.

Challenges to compassion and kindness (Dacher Keltner).

Our environment can have a big effect on whether we decide to help others or not. If we're busy, we've been playing too many violent video games, or the sufferer is outside our group, we're less likely to help. We're also discouraged from lending a hand when it doesn't seem possible or our contribution doesn't seem to matter, such as when lots and lots of people are in need.

The science of oxytocin, "the love hormone" (Dacher Keltner).

Oxytocin is a neuropeptide, a sequence of amino acids that affects the brain and organs. It is increased by touch, and people with a particular gene on their third chromosome produce more oxytocin. When you give a whiff of oxytocin to people, we show more trust, generosity, empathy, and ability to read emotions. In fact, giving a father oxytocin will cause his baby to show increased oxytocin. Giving oxytocin to non-human species increases monogamy and caregiving. In general, more oxytocin correlates with a reduced stress response in our hormones, cardiovascular system, and amygdala. On the positive side, it correlates with secure attachment and peaceful conflict resolution in romantic relationships.

"Five surprising ways oxytocin shapes your social life" by Jeremy Adam Smith.

Oxytocin, produced by mothers during childbirth and breastfeeding, is widely known as the feel-good hormone. Yet there is a flipside to oxytocin: while it attaches us to some people, it also makes us exclude others. Hyped up on oxytocin, we are loyal to our lovers and leery of other potential partners. We're transformed into poor winners and sore losers; oxytocin courses through us when we feel envy during a game or taunt other players - anytime we want something from someone else. Deprived of oxytocin, we're more apt to forget negative social encounters, so cruel people can "fool us twice." Oxytocin promotes cooperation, to the extreme - boosting our oxytocin levels makes us more likely to follow group decisions instead of thinking for ourselves. According to some studies, it also makes us favor our own group and see it as better than others. Thankfully, however, we don't need to be afraid of sci-fi dictators pumping us with oxytocin. Although it makes us more trusting, we'll still have doubts and hesitation if the person we're dealing with or the message they're promoting doesn't seem quite right.

Romantic relationships, family, and friendships Relationships, marriage, and happiness (Dacher Keltner).

Pair-bonding is a human tendency across cultures, but relationships have come a long way in the past centuries. Economic considerations have given way to love and romance as the deciding factors in selecting a partner. Scientists distinguish between desire and love, which can even be observed in primates. Much like humans, primates express desire through actions like pursing and licking their lips, and love through open arms and smiles. Love behaviors, but not desire behaviors, coincide with the release of oxytocin. Marriage correlates with happiness, but researchers are still trying to untangle whether marriage makes us happier or happier people get married. Some evidence suggests that it's actually happy marriages, not just marriage, that make us happy - and, in fact, unhappy marriages take a huge toll on kids' happiness. Certain demographics of people are more likely to have happy marriages, such as people who are older, from a higher social class, and not anxious or neurotic. Influential research by John Gottman and Robert Levenson shows that happy marriage is predicted by the way couples interact: couples who exhibit contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness have a 92% chance of divorce, while happy couples exhibit humor, appreciation, forgiveness, and emotional disclosure.

"The forgiveness instinct" by Michael E. McCullough.

People say revenge is human nature, and they are only half right - because so is forgiveness. Revenge is found in nearly all cultures, and it serves a purpose to discourage aggression and prevent free riding. But forgiveness is also near-universal across cultures because of the purpose it serves: bringing people together. It allows groups to stay cohesive and cooperative, which makes them more likely to survive. So what determines which side of our nature shows its face? Mostly our environment. If we're in a place with crime, disorder, and no rule of law, we're more likely to be vengeful. But if our environment has stable judicial institutions and norms of reconciliation and cooperation, we're more likely to be forgiving. We can also transmit forgiveness through cultural vehicles like religion, the arts, media, and politics.

What's joy got to do with it? Positive emotions open our minds (Barbara Fredrickson).

Positive emotions open our hearts, minds, and perspectives. They cause us to think more broadly, seeing global differences and similarities. In fact, people experiencing positive emotions actually expand their field of vision, looking at the background as well as the foreground. This allows us to see more possibilities and be more creative. Physicians experiencing positive emotion, for example, make better medical decisions. We also become more trusting and come up with better solutions to negotiations.

"Four ways happiness can hurt you" by June Gruber.

Positive psychology doesn't advocate unadulterated happiness all the time, for several reasons. Intense happiness can be a symptom of mania, a disorder that also inhibits creativity. Barbara Fredrickson has found that too much positive emotion is associated with inflexibility in the face of challenges. Extreme happiness can also make us take undue risks, since we focus on the positive and can miss warning signs. Too much pride, a positive emotion in moderation, is associated with aggression, antisocial behavior, and less empathy.Beyond these considerations, happiness isn't appropriate to every context; negative emotions like anger, fear, and sadness are normal and appropriate sometimes. And when we set too high of a standard for happiness, excluding these negative emotions, we often become disappointed when we don't meet it. Instead, we should pursue happiness in moderation, in the right context, and with the acceptance of negative emotions and situations.

Intro to week 3 (Emiliana Simon-Thomas)

Pro-social behaviors and emotions are directed at improving the well-being of others. This week looks at two of them: kindness and (one of its major motivators) compassion. Why are we studying kindness in a happiness course? Because various evidence suggests that kindness makes us happier: it literally activates the brain's reward circuitry and strengthens our social connections. We're happier when we spend money on others vs. on ourself, for example, and people who volunteer are more satisfied with life and in better health.

"Is a happy life different from a meaningful one?" (Jill Suttie and Jason Marsh).

Psychologists don't fully understand the relationship between happiness and meaning. On one hand, the concepts are clearly different. Health, money, and comfort affect happiness but not meaning. Happiness is often about the present, while meaning encompasses the past, present, and future. We derive happiness from receiving and meaning from giving. We can generally feel meaning but not happiness in the face of worry, stress, and anxiety, or through self-expression. So combining meaning and happiness into one concept is tricky. On the other hand, separating out the two concepts - say, into "hedonic happiness" and "eudaimonic happiness" - is also tricky. Meaning can make us happier, and happier people may be more capable of finding meaning. To say that becoming a parent makes us unhappier yet gives us more meaning is confusing. There is more work to do in understanding the relationship between these two concepts.

Social connection and happiness (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Research from across the field of positive psychology has shown how important social connections are to our happiness. Very happy people have rich relationships and spend little time alone, talking with friends is one of the happiest activities, and sex and socializing give us a lot of positive emotion. On the flipside, loneliness is correlated with health problems like hyperinflammation, decreased immune response, and trouble sleeping, and being excluded by others creates the same effect in our brains as pain.

Parenting and happiness (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

Research on the connection between parenting and happiness is still ongoing. On one side of the arena, we hear that spending time with our kids is only slightly more fun than housework. On the other side, we're starting to hear that parents are slightly happier than non-parents, particularly right after having their first child. But the truth is probably more nuanced. Whether we'll be a happy parent or not may depend on whether we purposely chose to have kids, and what kind of attachment style we have. And the happiness of parenting may be more the "meaning" type of happiness and less the "positive emotion" kind.

Happiness practice #4: Forgiving

Robert Enright detailed eight steps to forgiveness, beginning by making a list of people who hurt you who are worth forgiving. Then, you start with the least painful offense and take some time to think about how you suffered and how that makes you feel. When you've decided to forgive, you can start to think about the circumstances that led to the offense, including the offender's childhood, past hurts, and other pressures they were under. Pay attention to whether you feel kinder toward the offender and consider giving them a small gift. In the end, you can reframe the experience and try to find meaning and purpose in what happened. Once you're done, rinse and repeat for the more painful offenses on your list, working up to the most painful. This process has been shown to increase forgiveness and decrease anxiety and anger.

"Are some social ties better than others?" by Juliana Breines.

Social capital refers to the tangible and intangible benefits we get from our social connections. But like everything in life, social connections have their drawbacks. Online contacts - even Facebook friends - can provide advice and emotional support, especially for the introverts among us. Yet too much focus here can lead to narcissism and loneliness. For the most benefit, we should look for niche groups online and deliberately try to offer our help to others. Professional contacts aren't just useful for watercooler chit-chat; they also help us find new jobs and expose us to a larger community of people with diverse ideas and opportunities. As such, they're called "bridging capital." Professional contacts can't give us intimacy or emotional support, but Breines reiterates her advice from the online sphere: look for niche groups to join and offer help to others, and we'll be happier. Friends provide us with deeper benefits, including a sense of belonging, visibility, and a chance to express empathy. The main dangers of friendship are jealousy and dependence: we may become discouraged or bitter about our friends' successes, or rely on them too much for approval and self-esteem. The best way to handle these is to remember that we want our friends to be happy - don't we? - and to realize that their success benefits us, too. Finally, significant others - partners, best friends, or family - provide us with a cornucopia of mental and physical benefits. They fall under the category of "bonding capital," providing support in times of need. The biggest danger here is that we rely on one person too much, creating unrealistic expectations or dependence. The remedy is to remember to keep cultivating friendships as well. Social capital works best when we have a combination of strong and weak ties. That way, our support system doesn't collapse if we lose a single node. But each connection takes time and effort to maintain, so it's our job to prioritize and know when to say no.

"Peace among primates" by Robert M. Sapolsky.

Some primate species are violent and others are more peaceful, and the difference seems to lie in their nature and their environment. Peaceful species tend to have more abundant food supplies, less sex differentiation, monogamy, and shared parental responsibilities. But these tendencies aren't rigid. A violent baboon will learn to be more peaceful in just an hour if we drop it among peaceful baboons. If we raise two groups together, naturally violent macaques become reconciliatory and stay reconciliatory even if we put them back with their own group. A group of baboons that lost its most aggressive males developed a more peaceful culture, which persisted even when the males left and other males arrived. What does that mean for humans? We've evolved to be cooperative but very wary of outsiders, but that doesn't mean we can't change. Our amygdala may naturally activate when we see people of other races, but we can stop that by regularly spending time with other races or striving to see people as individuals.

"Facing fear, facing forgiveness" by Jill Suttie.

The movie Facing Fear is also a movie about forgiveness, starring gay man Matthew Boger and former neo-Nazi skinhead Tim Zaal, who attacked him when they were teenagers. It's called Facing Fear because the process is scary for both of them. Boger says that part of forgiveness is letting go of a part of ourselves that we've identified with, the part that holds a grudge and feels resentment.

"The compassionate instinct" by Dacher Keltner.

The same region of the brain activates when we imagine harm being done to others as when mothers look at their babies - suggesting that compassion may have its roots in our care for offspring (who are born more premature and dependent than other mammals'). The same brain region is also associated with positive emotions. Compassion calms our autonomic nervous system, slowing our heart rate, and can kick off a virtuous circle where compassion stimulates oxytocin that encourages more compassionate behavior. When we actually reach out and help others, we have activity in the brain's reward/pleasure centers (like the caudate nucleus and anterior cingulate). We're hardwired to express compassion through facial expressions and touch. When we feel compassion, we display a concerned gaze and oblique eyebrows. Keltner's research has also shown that a short touch on the arm from a stranger - whom we can't even see - can convey compassion quite accurately. Compared to negative emotions, positive emotions are less genetic and more influenced by our environment. So parents can try to raise compassionate children by helping them develop a secure attachment style, parenting with reasoning rather than power, and modeling compassion themselves.

We're built to connect The vagus nerve (Dacher Keltner).

The vagus nerve is a mammalian nerve that starts at the top of our spinal cord and runs downward through the neck muscles we use to nod, make eye contact, and speak. It has connections to many key physical functions, including our oxytocin networks, immune response, and inflammation response. It also coordinates the interaction between our breathing and heart rate and controls many digestive processes. Activity in the vagus nerve is related to feelings of connection and care, so it activates in response to emotions - responding strongly to empathy and weakly to emotions like pride. People with lots of vagal activity show more positive emotion, stronger relationships and more social support, and more altruism.

Pessimism, myths, and misconceptions about happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky: Pessimism about pursuing happiness.

There are several reasons to believe that we might not be able to change our level of happiness. First, we all have a genetic set point, which accounts for about 50% of our happiness at any given time. Happiness seems like a personality trait, and personality traits aren't generally very malleable - including extroversion and neuroticism, which are highly linked to happiness and unhappiness. Finally, hedonic adaptation would suggest that we'll eventually adapt to any positive thing that happens in our life and our happiness will return to its former levels.

The science of empathy The science of empathy (Emiliana Simon-Thomas).

There are two types of empathy: affective and cognitive. Affective empathy refers to a feeling or an action - the way we absorb or imitate the feelings and expressions of others. We begin mimicking others as infants, and continue mirroring expressions and body language into adulthood. Some studies even suggest that mimicry helps us understand what emotions other people are feeling. Affective empathy may be facilitated by mirror neurons, which are motor neurons that fire even when we're just watching other people move (although there is some controversy about whether they affect emotions, as well). Cognitive empathy refers to a thought - the ability to understand how people feel and to see things from their perspective. Cognitive empathy involves broader parts of the brain. Empathic concern can make us happier, as long as it doesn't turn into empathic distress (the kind of paralyzing feeling when we become overwhelmed by others' suffering). In general, empathy increases the sharing of positive emotions and brings people closer together. And if other people are empathetic, we get the benefits of their understanding and support when we're in need.

"The banality of heroism" by Zeno Franco and Philip Zimbardo.

Through decades studying the bad side of human nature, researchers have confirmed the idea of "the banality of evil." Ordinary people can become evil in the right (or wrong) circumstances; there is no clear division between good people and bad people. Experiments like the Stanford Prison Experiment and the Milgram studies have shown that, in a particular environment, people adopt the dehumanizing and cruel behavior that is expected of them. But the real threat to heroism is not evil but indifference. We tell ourselves that heroes are special - but we are not special, so we can't be heroes - or that someone else will step in and help. Franco and Zimbardo are trying to teach people that anyone can be a hero. A hero is someone on a quest - they're out to save lives or preserve some noble ideal (such as justice). They expect to risk their lives or their social standing. Contrary to popular belief, heroism isn't always a grand gesture in the heat of the moment; sometimes, heroism can be ongoing and can consist simply in passive acceptance - like Socrates dying for a cause. What makes a hero? The same situations that bring out evil also tend to bring out heroism, like the Holocaust. Heroes have certain traits of character, like internal strength and self-assurance - they're willing to stand against the crowd. Often, they have a strong sense of morality that prevents them from doing nothing in the face of injustice (what the authors call a "moral tickle"). To promote heroism in our society, we should stop using the word "hero" to describe everyone we look up to and reserve it for true cases of heroism. We should cultivate stories of heroism and spread them through media like movies and video games. As individuals, we should be on the alert for opportunities for heroism and avoid talking ourselves out of it by rationalizing why we can't help or fearing the negative consequences. We have to believe that heroism is the right choice, and it will ultimately be recognized and celebrated.

Happiness practice #1: Three good things

To be happier, spend 10 minutes every night remembering three good things that happened during the day. For each thing, write a title, details about the event (including how you felt then and now), and what caused it. This activity teaches us to seek out and savor positive things, and it's been shown to increase happiness up to six months later.

Building trust The science of trust (Dacher Keltner).

Trust is the sense that other people will act on behalf of our interests. Research has shown that more trusting cultures tend to be happier, but trust of institutions and individuals is declining in the US. So how do we make people more trusting, besides giving them a whiff of oxytocin? Touch is a gateway to trust, with its ability to soothe and activate reward circuitry in the brain. The simple handshake when we meet someone is a gesture of trust. Research has shown that appropriate touch by teachers of students makes them volunteer to write on the board more, and (everything else equal) NBA teams who touch each other more win more games. Language also helps cultivate trust. Our habits of using indirect or polite language build bonds between people, and negotiators who have a few minutes to communicate come up with better and more cooperative outcomes. Even little differences can engender more trust: calling the prisoner's dilemma the "Wall Street game" or priming players with words related to competition increases defection, while calling it the "Community game" increases cooperation.

John Gottman on the importance of trust.

Trustworthiness is the most desirable quality in a romantic partner, and it encompasses qualities like dependability and honesty. In a romantic relationship, it has many dimensions - we need to trust that our partner will be faithful, respect us, be there for us when we need them, choose us over their friends or family, etc.

"Measuring compassion in the body" by Emiliana Simon-Thomas.

Two new studies out of Purdue and UC Berkeley investigated the links between the vagus nerve and compassion. In the UC Berkeley study, watching compassion-inducing videos did indeed increase vagal tone. In the Purdue study, kids with more vagus nerve activity or warm, authoritative parents showed higher focused concentration a year later and more sympathy (as rated by their parents) three to four years later.

Why do social connections foster happiness? Why are humans ultrasocial? (Dacher Keltner).

Ultrasociality in humans refers to our caretaking behavior, egalitarian relations, tendency for forgiveness and reconciliation, coordinated and imitative actions, and monogamy. Yet modern society is becoming less social in certain respects, evidenced by our higher divorce rates and less marital satisfaction, increases in loneliness, and fewer close friends.

"Is kindness physically attractive?" by Scott Barry Kaufman.

Various studies have shown that we find people more physically attractive if we also see them as likable, familiar, respected, or intelligent - and our evaluations of their attractiveness can change as we get to know them better. Biological evidence that kindness fosters happiness. More studies of the brain show a connection between kindness and happiness. The reward systems in our brain show similar activity when we win money and when the same money goes to a charity of our choice. When our romantic partners are receiving electric shocks and we comfort them by holding their arm, the brain's reward circuitry also activates. In short, when we give, our brains looks like they are gaining something - and the pleasure we feel will make us more likely to give in the future.

The science of touch (Dacher Keltner).

We are physically built for touch, with dexterous hands and skin that is full of information-processing neurons and manipulates our immune response. Touch can be used to communicate emotion - in one study, even a one-second touch on the arm could communicate emotions like gratitude, fear, and disgust with 50-60% accuracy. We're better at differentiating certain emotions when they're expressed through touch rather than face or voice. Touching someone creates feelings of reward, reciprocity, safety, soothing, and cooperation. In certain situations, the touch from a romantic partner is powerful enough to eliminate our stress response. Yet our culture is becoming touch-deprived, particularly in the United States. While friends at a cafe in France or Puerto Rico touch each other over 100 times per hour, we cool Americans touch each other twice. Many babies died in orphanages before caretakers started holding and touching them. To combat this trend, touch therapy is being used in health care and education. It has (almost miraculously) been shown to increase weight gain in premature babies, reduce depression in Alzheimer's patients, make students more likely to speak up, and decrease mortality in patients with complex diseases.

"Six habits of highly empathic people" by Roman Krznaric.

We can cultivate empathy by learning and thinking more about the lives of other people. Try having conversations with strangers and being genuinely curious about how they live. In fact, in any conversation, make it your goal to understand how the other person is feeling and to express your own feelings. Challenge yourself to discard prejudices and get to know individuals. Literally walk in someone else's shoes and live a day in their life. To take your empathy to the next level, draw on your fellow human beings' empathy and lead a movement to provide aid or reduce discrimination. Go so far as to empathize with your opponents in order to figure out how to speak to them and change their minds.

Sonja Lyubomirsky: Happiness for a lifetime.

What's the best way to boost our happiness with kindness? Pack one day with five acts of kindness, says Lyubomirsky's research. (People who spread out five kind acts across a week didn't get happier, probably because their kindnesses were less salient.) Kindness changes the way we see ourselves: we become pillars of generosity, interconnected to those around us. We start giving people the benefit of the doubt and feel less distressed when we see suffering, because we're doing our little part to help. Kindness also helps us make more friends and become the recipient of others' kindnesses.

Philip Zimbardo: What makes a hero?

Zimbardo defines heroism as altruism at a great personal risk. Heroes are ordinary people, yet most of us are "reluctant heroes": we stand by and do nothing. His goal is to understand what makes a hero by studying the "heroic imagination," the other-focused way of thinking - "from 'me' to 'we'" - that could make us more likely to be heroic when the opportunity arises.