Speech Exam 3

Trait Theory of Leadership

"great man/woman" approach, suggest that some people are born with qualities that will make them good leaders, but others aren't

negative spiral

1 negative message is disconfirming and creates more negative messages, escalatory conflict- 1 attack leads to more which leads to an argument, avoidance- lessen dependance on one another slowly

authority rule

1 person makes all decisions, executive

positive spiral

1 positive message is confirming and creates more positive messages

4 ways to avoid damaging your relationships

1) avoid hurtful evaluations- "you" language: accusatory, descriptive comm: focus on thoughts and feelings, "I" language: how they make you feel 2) don't be manipulative- even if you mean well 3) don't act superior- everyone has equal worth 4) don't be dogmatic- "only an idiot would do that"

8 communication strategies for being a good friend

1) be a good listener 2) give advice sparingly (appropriately) 3) share feelings respectfully 4) apologize and forgive 5) be validating and appreciative 6) stay loyal in hard times 7) be trustworthy 8) give and take equally

3 ways communication influences romantic potential

1) communication differs in each stage- each relationship moves at its own pace 2) partners can shape relational trajectories- can change direction of a relationship if caught early on 3) relational development involves risk and vulnerability- relationships can falter at any stage, equal give and take

5 steps when applying for a job

1) create a résumé- professional strengths and achievements 2) write a cover letter- an intro, a sales pitch, and a proposal for further action all in one, to specific person is possible, position applying for, introduce yourself, accomplishments as pertaining to job, knowledge of company and interest in job, next step you hope to take, express appreciation to reader for considering 3) edit thoroughly- grammatical errors look bad 4) follow application instructions- follow simple directions otherwise you look dumb 5) keep organized records of your communications- person, contact info, content of message

strategies for managing dialectical tensions

1) denial- refuse to deal with the issue 2) disorientation- too overwhelmed to confront problems, fight, freeze, or leave 3) selection- choose 1 end of the spectrum and not a happy medium 4) alternation- alternate between ends of the spectrum 5) polarization- demand-withdraw pattern, each partner stakes claim at opposite end of spectrum 6) segmentation- compartmentalize different areas of the relationship 7) moderation- compromises on the spectrum 8) reframing- reframe to redefine the situation to make contradictions disappear ("exciting opportunities to grow") 9) reaffirmation- acknowledge what will never disappear and accept the challenges, part of life

how to prepare for an interview

1) do your research- display knowledge of company, position, and people 2) prepare for likely questions- prepare for questions to make you think on your feet: stay calm 3) dress for success- good impression: professional, formal, conservative 4) bring along copies of your résumé and portfolio- past work, shows preparation and how to sell self, reference contact info, digital presentation possible 5) know when and where to go- don't be late, be prepared 6) reframe anxiety as enthusiasm- don't let nerves get the best of you, turn into excitement about the job

how to protect yourself from abusive partners

1) don't keep abuse a secret- keep contact with friends 2) have a plan for defense- emergency numbers, code words 3) don't blame yourself- no one deserves abuse

5 reasons why good communicators flourish in the professional world

1) good communicators work well in teams- employers value team work 2) good communicators enhance client satisfaction- pleasing communication: listening skills, empathy, cultural sensitivity 3) good communicators build public awareness- brand ambassadors 4) good communicators make good leaders 5) good communicators inspire others

9 steps of Dewey's Reflective Thinking Method

1) identify the problem- look below the surface, range of factors 2) analyze the problem- examine in more detail, broad question 3) identify criteria for success- what factors will constitute success 4) gather relevant information- know all options and factors 5) identify supporting and restraining forces- list in favor and opposing forces 6) develop creative solutions- brainstorm, avoid criticism 7) evaluate possible solutions- which will produce desired outcome? most achievable? fewest disadvantages? 8) implement the plan- specific tasks, necessary resources, individual responsibilities, provide for emergencies 9) follow up on the solution- meet periodically to evaluate progress and revise if necessary

8 steps for win-win problem solving

1) identify your problem and unmet needs 2) make a date 3) describe your problems and needs 4) check your partner's understanding 5) solicit your partner's needs 6) check your understanding of your partner's needs 7) negotiate a solution 8) follow up on the solution

8 questions to ask before engaging in self-disclosure

1) is the other person important to you?- deeper relationship 2) is the disclosure appropriate?- personal preference and culture 3) is the risk of disclosing reasonable?- someone you trust and will support you 4) are the amounts and type of disclosure appropriate?- test reaction 5) is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand?- rise and fall in cycles 6) is the disclosure reciprocated?- unequal creates unbalance 7) will the disclosure be constructive?- psychological "belt line" 8) is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?- clear for better understanding

suggestions for participating in a job interview to help you succeed

1) mind your manners- proper business etiquette, good nonverbals 2) follow the interviewer's lead- pay attention to nonverbal, let them set tone 3) keep your answers succinct and specific- specific examples 4) describe relevant challenges, actions, and results- explain past performance as related to job at hand that qualify you 5) ask good questions of your own- shows you've done research, ask what is expected, company goals, assessing fit of job, NO salary talk 6) follow up after the interview- send a prompt, sincere, and personal thanks, same day PROOF READ, express appreciation for the chance, explain good fit, let them know the interview left you excited about the job

stages in decision making groups

1) orientation stage (forming)- approach problem and each other tentatively, test ideas cautiously, size up the situation 2) conflict stage (storming)- take strong positions and defend against opposition, not personal, tests qualities of ideas 3) emergence stage (norming)- 1 idea emerges as best or combine several ideas, back off from defending 4) reinforcement stage (performing)- accept and endorse group decision, don't voice concerns

what we do differently when interviewing by phone or video

1) present a professional identity- screen name, outfit, background 2) practice with technology in advance- avoid technical difficulties, make sure good connection 3) ensure you have the right time for the interview 4) ask in advance how long the interview will last 5) look at the camera, not at the screen- eye contact 6) conduct a dress rehearsal- practice makes prepared

how to leave a job without burning bridges

1) put it in writing- date, explanation, appreciation 2) deliver the news personally 3) share the news graciously 4) make the change as easy as possible 5) stay positive

illegal questions in an interview

1) questions about race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disabilities, national origin, or age (discrimination) 2) questions must be related to Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC)

how to strengthen family ties

1) share family stories 2) listen to each other 3) negotiate privacy rules 4) coach conflict management 5) share confirming messages 6) have fun together

how to communicate more professionally online

1) take part in training- understand tech 2) develop camaraderie- get acquainted 3) use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation 4) beware of short-sounding messages 5) read the entire message before clicking forward or reply all 6) don't convey sensitive information electronically 7) dress for the camera 8) pay attention- don't do other work, don't type

5 strategies to build a career-enhancing network

1) take part in volunteerism and service learning- civic and business leader 2) attend lectures, forums, and networking events- connect with people with similar interests 3) keep up with local news- potential mentors 4) join career-related organizations- people in career field 5) use online resources- identify people to guide you

how to manage your online identity

1) take stock of strengths and goals- to display well 2) build a professional identity- for credibility 3) avoid embarrassing posts- anything that could cost you a job (rudeness, drinking) 4) monitor your online presence- privacy settings, google yourself 5) do damage control- remove potentially damaging info 6) beware mistaken identities- distinguish name on résumé and social media 7) don't be scared off- check potential employers out online a lot 8) don't stop when you get hired- maintain good persona

5 common differences in ways friends communicate online vs in person

1) there is greater diversity online- find more similar to you 2) many people share more in person- at first 3) online comm can be less anxiety provoking- more comfortable 4) online comm transcends time and space- busy schedules bypassed 5) more online comm isn't always better- Dunbar's Number: people have mental and emotional energy to keep up with no more than 150 friends at a time, most online "friends" aren't really friends

5 steps for creating and benefiting from a personal network

1) view everyone as a networking prospect 2) network online- LinkedIn, online profile for potential employers 3) seek referrals- 6 degrees of separation, ask people for referrals they might know several people 4) conduct informational interviews- structured meeting in which someone seeks answers from a source whose knowledge might enhance their success, make a positive impression, gain referrals, send an e-mail to introduce yourself and ask for a short meeting, emphasize seeking information not a job, prepare direct questions and indirect follow-ups 5) show appreciation- thank the people in your network, maintain relationships and good reputation

7 common reasons for forming friendships

1) you have a lot in common 2) you balance each other out (complementary) 3) you like and appreciate each other 4) you admire each other 5) you open up to each other 6) you interact frequently 7) you find the relationship rewarding

overlooking cultural differences

Americans show instant intimacy that is disrespectful in other cultures, ex: addressing people by 1st name, touch, eye contact

selection interview

a discussion during which you are being considered for an opportunity

Situational Theory of Leadership

a leader's style should change with the circumstances, consider the nature of the task, 1) autocratic- 1 person with absolute power 2) democratic- power is with everybody, everybody gets a vote/voice 3) laissez-faire- leave alone, hands off, trust the people

connection power

a member's ability to develop relationships that help the group reach its goal

spiral

a reciprocating communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's

reward power

ability to grant or promise desirable consequences

consensus

absolute agreement from all group members, groupthink, judicial

how to make the most of diversity in small groups

allow more time than usual, agree on clear guidelines for discussions, participation, and decision making, use a variety of communication formats, involve a distribution of people from various cultures, educate team members about cultures represented, open your mind to new possibilities

Skills Theory of Leadership

anybody can be made into a leader as long as they are taught

legitimate power

arises from title held, nominal leaders

authoritarian vs authoritative vs permissive (parents)

authoritarian- unquestioning obedience, "because I said so" authoritative- firm, clear, and strict, but encourage open comm, high expectations, willing to discuss and negotiate permissive- don't require children to follow many rules

Knapp's Relational Development Model (last 2 stages)

avoiding- distance in more overt ways, relationship's future (or lack there of) is clear terminating- attempt to explain where it went wrong and desire to break up, can end in many ways (good, bad, ugly), short or long process

Knapp's Relational Development Model (middle 2 stages)

bonding- wedding: public declaration of lasting relationship, social support, strong commitment and exclusivity, but some bonds can be broken differentiating- "how we are different," differences in daily activities, reminded of distinct individuality, personal space areas at home, reduce use of nicknames and gestures

Social Penetration Model

breadth- range of subjects, depth- how personal the info is Goldilocks principle- judge by other person's reaction (too much, too little, or just right)

Knapp's Relational Development Model (second to last 2 stages)

circumscribing- "to go around," communication decreases in quality and quantity, don't discuss disagreements, spend less time together, reduced interest and commitment, don't talk to avoid fights stagnating- behave in old, familiar ways with less feeling, unenthusiastically go through the motions, no joy/novelty

gossiping

communicating without integrity, talking bad about others, ex: talking about how someone is a suck up and doesn't deserve a promotion

confirming vs disconfirming messages

confirming- show people they are valued, can be overgeneralized, 3 levels (most basic-most powerful) disconfirming- deny the value of other people, attacks speaker personally

direct agression

confronts other person in an attacking manner- position, dignity, ex: "you don't know what you're talking about" "what's wrong now?"

content messages vs relational messages

content- focuses on the subject being discussed relational- makes a statement about how the parties feel toward one another

communication between parents and children (conversation vs conformity)

conversation- talk openly and listen to each other conformity- expected to follow parents' rules, beliefs, and values w/out challenging

indirect communication (hinting)

conveys a message in a roundabout manner without being hostile, ex: "it's getting late I don't want to keep you" as an excuse to leave a party

conflict patterns that destroy relationships

criticism- all-encompassing and accusatory contempt- a sense of disapproval and disdain defensiveness- protecting self-worth by counterattacking, attack-and-defend, spiral stonewalling- form of avoidance, 1 person refuses to engage with another, ignoring

cyclical spiral

cycles of progression and regression

assertiveness

directly expressing your needs, thoughts, or feelings in a way that doesn't attack the other person's dignity, ex: "I" language, approach patiently, "I've noticed we are impatient with each other"

oversharing

disclosing too much information, damage success and annoy others, ex: posting pictures of a wild vacation

dialectical tension between openness and privacy

disclosure- reveal but also maintain some emotional space, periods of sharing and withdraw, ex: can't decide if you want to say "I love you" or if its too soon

doing-oriented vs being-oriented friendships

doing-oriented: share closeness in doing an activity w/ each other (shopping) being-oriented: focus on spending time together

things to include on a resume

education, experience, honors, skills, and activities

extrovert vs introvert (MBTI)

extrovert- loud, chatty, more socially developed, more friendships but weaker, get energy from others or lack of others introvert- quiet, reserved, less socially developed, fewer friendships but stronger, talking to people tires out, benefit from quiet time

frequent contact vs occasional contact friendships

frequent- see each other on (almost) a daily basis occasional- rare to see each other

evasions

gray lies: deliberate vagueness, less clarity is beneficial, "1 of a kind outfit" hinting: intended to bring about a desired response without asking directly, "it's getting late" equivocations: avoid hurting feelings, ex: someone shows romantic interest that you don't like "your friendship means a lot to me"

altruistic lies

harmless, helpful to the person they are told to, white lies, ex: compliment bad haircut

common characteristics of good leaders

humble, good listeners, open to innovation, able to work well with teams, good at facilitating change, appreciative of diversity, honest and ethical

Knapp's Relational Development Model (first 2 stages)

initiating- 1st encounter, conversation openers, 1st impressions, present in appealing manner experimenting- acquainted through small talk, pleasant and uncritical comments, minimal commitment, determine who is worth getting to know better

making fun of people

insensitive humor, can cause reprimand, dismissal, or lawsuit, ex: "oh look fat old ladies in baseball hats" turns out to be coworkers mom and aunt

intangible vs tangible reward

intangible- not physical, prestige, emotional support, companionship tangible- physical, nice place to live, high paying job

Knapp's Relational Development Model (second 2 stages)

intensifying- express feelings about each other, strong emotions, heightened intimacy or pressure/reject, navigate uncertainty (base off reactions), maybe 1st "I love you" integrating- identify as a social unit, meet families, social media, share things and memories, fight and stay together, 1st "I love you"

interpersonal communication

interaction between people who are part of a close and irreplaceable relationship in which they treat each other as unique individuals

characteristics in small group interaction

interaction- actively communicate interdependence- ripple effects time- develop identity and history size- small enough for members to know everyone and interact (3-20)

judger vs perceiver (MBTI)

judger- very organized, planners, structured, rigid, back-up plans perceiver- flexible, roll w/ punches, easy going, frequently late

how to encourage equal participation in small groups

keep the group small, encourage quiet members, ask to hear from other members, question the relevance of off-topic remarks

Transformational Theory of Leadership

leaders' devotion to helping teams fulfill their full potential, about the team

losing your cool

losing control under pressure and letting your irritation get the best of you, ex: sending an angry email directly after an argument

physical touch

love language, (hug, kiss, pat on the back, sex), powerful indicator of intimacy, improves relational satisfaction, physical affirmation

quality time

love language, complete tasks, talk, mutually enjoyable activities

acts of service

love language, favors, care when sick, dishes, clean, making meals, sharing daily tasks

affirming words

love language, hear love and value in words, compliments, thanks

gifts

love language, receiving a gift adds to sense of being loved (card, flowers, birthday, valentines day)

low disclosure vs high disclosure friendships

low disclosure- share a limited depth of info about themselves w/ the other high disclosure- share a lot w/ each other, trust

low-obligation vs high-obligation friendships

low-obligation: not a strong need to do much for them high-obligation: would do anything for them

self-serving lies

manipulate listener to believe something isn't true, serve the sender's good, deny drinking (DUI), can break trust, but some couples can rebound omission: withholding information someone deserves to know fabrication: deliberately misleading another person for one's own benefit, ex: keep affair secret

metacommunication & 3 key things

messages that refer to other messages, communication about communication 1) often below the surface- underlying meaning 2) can be used beyond problem solving- reinforce positive aspects of a relationships 3) can be risky- imply problems in a relationship, analysis done incorrectly

fixating on a mistake

minor lapses in professionalism happen, don't dwell on it, ex: ending a business call with "I love you" out of habit, 1) don't panic 2) acknowledge the mistake 3) apologize 4) move on

why groups produce higher quality solutions

more resources than individuals, members can catch errors, enhances buy-in, benefit from diverse ideas, best at solving some problems

doing less than your best

not getting your work done, not offering to stay and finish, no effort, ex: you didn't finish a project that was due but it's friday so you leave and say you'll finish monday

online interpersonal comm vs face to face interpersonal comm

online- helps people stay connected over distance, feels nonthreatening (introverts), easier to send than say, can be validating (social support), has a pause option (sometimes)- wait to reply, can be distracting (phubbing- people pay attention to phones instead), can be overwhelming (quantity over quality) face to face- richness of in person that you can't get online. nonverbal, touch, etc.

intimacy in romantic relationships

partners express themselves through some combination of physical contact, shared experiences, intellectual sharing, and emotional disclosures

love languages

personal preferences, value certain aspects in a relationship

contact hypothesis

prejudice tends to diminish when people have personal contact w/ individuals they might otherwise stereotype

what to do if asked an illegal job interview question

prepare for in advance answer without objecting- be cautious, might not be intentional, address concerns behind the question seek an explanation- respectfully, why does this relate to my ability to do the job redirect- shift focus to requirements of position refuse- politely but firmly decline revealing such information withdraw- end interview and leave if uncomfortable

bona fide occupational qualification

prospective employers may only ask about topics related to the job at hand (EEOC)

how to avoid information underlay and overload in small groups

provide adequate background but don't overwhelm the people with unessential information to start

strategies for working with a difficult boss

put in extra effort, make up the difference, seek advice from others, try to clarify and improve the situation, manage your expectations, keep a professional demeanor, consider moving on

how to avoid groupthink

recognize the signs as they begin to manifest, minimize status differences and intimidation, develop a group norm for disagreements, designate a "devil's advocate"

referent power

respect, liking, and trust others have for a member

rules vs norms in small groups

rules- official guidelines that govern what group is supposed to do and member behavior, stated outright norms- conveyed by example rather than words, social, procedural, task, don't emerge immediately

sensor vs intuitive (MBTI)

sensor- detail-oriented, focus on small things, crosswords, where's waldo, word searches intuitive- big-picture oriented, abstract, magic eye poster

short term vs long term friendships

short term- change as life does, tied to a specific job, school, city, etc. long term- stay friends through new jobs, new cities, changes in family, etc.

dialectical tension between connection and autonomy

some want togetherness, some want independence, need a balance of both, ex: "hold me tight" "put me down" and "leave me alone"- if in different stages will be bad, but time apart can strengthen

dialectical tension between predictability and novelty

stability- can become boring, surprises, ex: engagement before graduation or military employment can lead to novelty or uncertainty, commitment balances, can become predictable once a routine is established

passive agression

subtle, communicator expresses hostility in an ambiguous way, trivial tyrannies- small but hurtful actions, indirect, ex: "I'll be on time next time"- no intention of doing so, "I should be studying, I'll give you a ride"- guilty, "where's your sense of humor"- hurtful

social exchange theory

suggest that people invest in relationships w/ those who can give them rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs they encounter in dealing with them

dialectical model

suggests that relationships are a balancing act, continually negotiate between opposing forces within selves and each other

sibling relationships

supportive- talk regularly, accessible and emotionally close, similar age longing- admire and respect one another, less interaction, less depth (younger), competitive- rivalry, favorite apathetic- only communicate on special occasions (holidays, wedding) hostile- stop communicating, jealousy, resentment, anger

power in the workplace

the ability to influence others

control (relational message)

the amount of influence exercised by each communicator, doesn't have to be equal, just balanced

social intelligence

the capacity to behave appropriately in a range of social relationships and environments, including professional settings

immediacy (relational message)

the degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others, engaging with the person

cohesiveness

the degree to which members feel connected with and committed to a group, focus on shared goals, celebrate progress, minimize competition, establish interdependence, build relationships

respect (relational message)

the degree to which we admire others and hold them in high esteem, can respect w/out liking

affinity (relational message)

the degree to which we like/appreciate others, usually nonverbal

communication climate

the emotional tone of a relationship, way people feel about each other and carry out activities

non-assertiveness

the inability/unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in conflict, avoidance or accommodation, ex: "what's wrong" "nothing" (though clearly upset)

self-disclosure

the process of deliberately revealing info about oneself that is significant and wouldn't normally be known by others

networking

the process of meeting people and maintaining relationships that result in information and advice that might enhance your career

groupthink

the tendency of some groups to support ideas without challenging them or providing alternatives

coercive power

the threat or imposition of unpleasant consequences

thinker vs feeler (MBTI)

thinker- fact, more objective, more reliant on senses, logic, ex: see Confed. flag "that person supports slavery" feeler- perspective, more subjective, less reliant on senses, different for every person, ex: Confed. flag is because they saw a TV character with it, or their dad had one, or it's cultural, etc.

relationship cost

undesirable outcomes, ex: sense of obligation, emotional pain, putting up w/ annoying habits

majority rule

vote mechanic, 3/5, 50%+1, legislative

relationships w/ friends vs w/ family

w/ friends- treat as equals, can have as many friends as you want/have time for, design relationships to suit needs, keep others healthy, encourage, support w/family- people who share affection and resources and think of and present themselves as a family, bloodline, adoption, marriage

expert power

when others perceive people have valuable talents or knowledge

gender and intimacy

women are more willing to share thoughts and feelings, but the difference in men and women being "lovey-dovey" is not huge, women value personal talk, men demonstrate care through action and spending time together, women see sex as a way to express already developed intimacy and men see it as a way to create intimacy, same-sex partners match in supportive communication and emotional closeness and effort in the relationship, they face the same challenges but communicate mostly in the same way