Speech final

Emotions

Feelings we experience in reaction to our surroundings and other people. It's a response to the differences we perceive between ourselves and the environment

Bonding

Fifth stage of a romantic relationship where we announce our commitment to each other in a public ritual to let people know you're exclusive. Ex: a wedding

Stagnating

8th stage of romantic relationship where relationship doesn't continue to grow. Communication is a standstill, they no longer share each other even if they live together, enthusiasm for relationship is lost. They start to feel like strangers

Ludis love

"The game of love" partners seek affection and immediate gratification, but they don't see their relationship lasting. They simply enjoy the idea of being in love

Trustworthy behavior

-Behavior exhibited by the other person that confirms your confidence -Precipitates trusting behavior. We are able to see what our friend expects from us, what they desire, and what they need from us

Forgiveness process

1. Experience swift justified anger 2. Recognize that anger does not feel good and desire to repair the damaged relationship 3. Realizing that forgiveness has beneficial effects and choosing to let go of our anger 4. Making a proactive choice to rarely, if ever, get angry

Forgiveness

A sense of peace and understanding that we experience when we stop blaming another person for a perceived wrong and instead interpret the transgression less personally

Trust

A willingness to rely or depend on another person. It can be merited and therefore we are rewarded for it. It also can be misplaced and we feel disappointed

Cost benefit theory

Aka Exchange theory. States that we work to sustain those relationships that give us the greatest total benefit. Relationship costs are the price we pay or the personal energy that we must expend in order to receive what we desire

Surprise

Briefest of all emotions. We lift eyebrows, create horizontal wrinkles on forehead, and slightly raise eyelids. Can transform into happiness, fright or anger depending on what cause this emotion

Emotions

Can do things such as raise heart rate, cause face to be pale, slow metabolism, cause wrinkled expression, cause mouth to tremble, etc...

Stay over relationships

Common among college students. The parties find relationship comfortable and convenient but don't entail a loss of independence.

Provisionalism

Communicating open-mindedness. It allows other to perceive us as flexible and open. We don't feel the need to be right and allows others to further discuss with us

Trusting behavior

Confidence in another person's behavior. This allows us to think we can predict our friend's behavior

Destructive conflict patterns

Conflict that seriously damages relationships usually follows the principle of negative reciprocity, or tendency to repay negative treatment with negative treatment. Serial arguing, counter blaming, cross complaining, demand-withdrawal, mutual hostility.

empathy

The ability to tune in to what others are feeling and to feel with them. It's an important interaction skill

Policy conflict

Disagreement caused by difference over a preferred plan or course of action

Ego conflict

Disagreement results when both parties insist on being the "winner" of the argument to confirm their self-concept or self esteem. More likely to occur when personal, negative and judgmental statements are made

Fact conflict

Disagreement that is caused by a dispute over the truth or accuracy of an item of information and can be resolved by consulting an external source

Pseudo conflict

Disagreement that is caused by a perceptual difference between partners and is easily resolved through paraphrasing, clarifying goals, and asserting boundaries.

Nonassertive expression

Doing a favor when you can't really spare the time or staying in a relationship that is demeaning is an example of what??

Gender

Effects relationships because we learn to have roles. Androgynous: having roles of both male and female

Disgust

Emotion that causes us to look like we bit a lemon. It's an upset stomach feeling. It affects all aspects of your interpersonal relations such as who you get close to or who you date.

fear

Emotion that expresses raise eyebrows that are drawn together, eyes wide, lower eyelids. Face wrinkles. Something is usually wrong or perceived as frightening

Physiological and psychological changes

Emotions are accompanied by what two changes?

Eros love

Erotic love that is sexual love and brings couples together

Aggressive expression style

Express their needs, wants, and ideas openly, even if doing so hurts another person. In the effort to stand up for themselves those with this style often ignore or violate the rights of others with while they conflict. They get more needs met but at the expense of others.

Manifest intimacy

External manifestations of closeness and affection that involve communication, such as hugging or kissing.

Integrating

Fourth stage of a relationship where we become a couple. You start to act alike, think more alike, and we accelerate sharing experiences such as buying a car together. We expect more from each other and interact in a wider array of settings

Mixed emotions

Having a variety of feeling about something. Cause my a mix of primary emotions. Ex: a mix of surprise and sadness equals a secondary emotion called disappointment

emotional intelligence

Helps us to maintain emotional balance. It also helps us to keep our relationships healthy. It motivates us to persist in the face of frustration and to control impulses and regulate moods so we can keep distress from swamping our ability to think and empathize

Competitive style

High in assertiveness and low in cooperation. They resolve conflict by satisfying their own needs or advancing their own ideas with little concern for the relationship or needs of the other person. They usually use aggressive and verbal abuse. Usually it leads to more conflict because they refuse to lose

assertive

How should we express anger so that we can control it and understand it and let others understand it?

Culture and conflict

In some cultures they view conflict as something to approach indirectly and value a collectivist culture. In other countries they want to face problems head on and are more individualistic.

Competitive relationship

In this relationship we are more apt to try to protect ourselves when communicating with one another. Defines the communicators as threatening and defensive

Compassionate love

Increases over time because as a couple's feelings of trust and caring for another grow, they engage themselves in one another's lives and mutually respond to another's needs.

Passion

Intensely positive feelings of attraction that motivate each partner to want to be with the other. It involves sexual arousal, attraction, and motivation. It's the most important at the beginning of a relationship.

Latent intimacy

Internal feelings of closeness and interpersonal warmth, which are not directly observable by others.

Anger

It's better to express some rather than none because it shows if you don't you have a higher risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Agape love

Love that has a spiritual quality, often described as a love that is pure. One person devoted himself or herself to another but expects nothing in return. Ex: a parent and a child.

Mania love

More like obsessive love, with a partner experiencing frequent relationship highs and lows because of her unyielding need for attention and/or low self-esteem.

Avoiding

Ninth stage of relationship where partners close communication channels. They avoid each other and feel unpleasant around each other. Relationship is coming to end

Assertive expression

Nonverbal cues with this style include good eye contact, steady voice, and sincerity in voice. Uses "I" language to say how you feel, but then "we" language to address how to solve problem.

Sadness

Often exhibit a loss of facial expression, mouth drops, mouth quivers, body slows down, sometimes crying.

Lose lose

Orientation that assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone. It's unhealthy and destructive for relationships. People who adopt this typically avoid conflict at all costs. May sacrifice own needs or rights or are unable to give honest feedback. It's not beneficial when dealing with a close relationship

Win win

Orientation that assumes that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains. Partners often discover solutions that neither thought of before.

Uncertainty reduction

Our thirst for acquiring information about another person

Social intelligence

The ability to understand and relate to people. Interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence are keys factors in this. By knowing ourselves we are more likely to recognize similar emotions in others

Self actualizers

People who believe in themselves and others and helps them make growth choices. These people are close to fulfilling their unique potential as human beings. They have the ability to be open and honest with themselves and others

Accommodative style

People with this style are in assertive and cooperative. They tend to gloss over differences and downplay disagreements because they value the relationship too much. This often causes the problem to be solved by satisfying the other person's needs or accepting the other person's ideas while neglecting one's own. Creates a win lose

Happiness

Pleasure, purpose, and pride are three key variables for what?

Gossip

Psychologists say it is actually a natural activity and critical for human survival. Verbal communication has evolved from it it reduces stress and enhances feelings of social cohesion. Sometimes it's seen as bad (like in bullying), but not all is about giving away someone else's secrets or making them look bad.

Aggressive expression

Reasons for this style might be because we feel our needs won't be met if we don't act forcefully. We might feel vulnerable so we lash out or we feel powerless. Previous behavior only left us hurt, disappointed, or a sense of personal violation so we no longer can contain our feelings.

Complementary

Relationship where opposites attract

Compromising

Resolved conflict by bargaining so that each partner's needs or interests are partially satisfied. Appropriate when the issue is moderately important, when there are time constraints, and when other strategies aren't working

Avoiding style

Resolved conflict by physically or psychologically removing yourself from the conversation. Viewed as uncooperative and indifferent. They avoid the conflict to avoid burdens. Usually results in a lose lose situation because no one's needs are met.

Collaborative style

Resolved conflict by using problem solving to arrive at a solution that meets the needs and interests of both parties in the conflict. Creates a win win scenario and both parties voice concerns. Collaborators with this style tend to be highly competent communicators and preserve and promote opportunities for sharing continued interaction.

Experimenting

Second stage of relationships where we determine if the relationship is worth pursuing. Our goal is to learn enough about someone so that communication between us becomes predictable and understandable. We engage in casual dating where you ask simple questions and we use cultural, psychological, and sociological information to decide if we want to keep interacting

Relationships

Served as a behavioral anchor, as a function for communication conduits, meets interpersonal needs, and prevents loneliness.

Circumscribing

Seventh stage of romantic relationship where the continuing relationship is deteriorating. The parties constrict their communication in amount and in quality. They talk only when they have to, not because they want to

Culture

This effects relationships by putting more stress on individuals or social relationships. It promotes development of short or long term relationships and value results or natural relationship process

Differentiating

Sixth stage of romantic relationship where we find one or more partners attempting to reestablish or regain a sense of unique identity. We start to want to become more independent or see ourselves as an "I" again. This is okay, as long as you maintain commitment. However, sometimes people start to have conflict and uncoupling process starts to occur

Descriptive statements

Statements that recount observable behavior without judgment. When we use this communication we do not admonish another to change his or her behavior but simply report or question what we saw or felt.

passion, intimacy, commitment

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love consists of what three things that keep a romance going?

Model of relationships

Suggests that we perceive our relationships, including romantic ones, as escalating/intensifying, stabilizing, or deteriorating/atrophying over time as we grow closer and more intimate

Intimacy

Sustained feelings of closeness and connection. It is the most central component with a love relationship and the it's the variable providing the foundation's for love's development.

Terminating

Tenth stage when the relationship finds the ties that once held relationship in shreds. They can end bitter, cordial, prolonged, or short-lived. Sometimes one still feels emotional connection while other doesn't. Sometimes it ends with you being friends or you never see each other again

Resilience

The ability to cope with and recover and bounce back quickly from disappointments. With a greater amount of this we are able to shake off feelings that otherwise might be debilitating.

Positive experiences

The frequency of these in life is more important than the intensity.

Storge love

The kind of love we have for good friends and family members. It doesn't involve sex at all, but at times we may feel sexual attraction

Duration

The longer a relationship is, the more time is has to develop. The closer we become in physical nearness. The more we communicate and share

Ethnocentrism

The perception that one's culture is superior to all others also limits development of trusting relationships among people identifying with different cultural groups.

Relational culture

The rules or routines we have worked out for our relationship that have become comfortable, or we grow apart from each other.

Intensifying

The third stage of relationship development, which occurs when the participants wish the relationship to continue. The breadth of topics discussed broadens and the depth in which each individual feels comfortable discussing those topics with the other becomes intimate and personal. The couple may develop shared rituals and start becoming a "we" rather than an "I"

Facial expressions

These can also cause emotions to occur rather than emotions causing them

Win lose

This orientation assumes that conflict results in one person winning at the expense of the other. People who adopt this think that disagreements are battles they have to win. The person who loses may assume role of martyr. Only beneficial when the relationship is low commitment

Aggressive language

This style has nonverbal cues that include raised, harsh voices. Cold or sarcastic demeanors, finger pointing, fist pounding, and invading personal space of other person. Verbal: yelling and making comments like "you better" "I'm warning you"

Assertive expression style

Wants to communicate honestly, clearly, and directly, and to stand up for what he or she believes without harming anyone—Including himself or herself. Promotes a healthy interpersonal climate for handling conflict. It's often rewarding

Reinforcement

We enjoy sustaining contacts that are rewarding similarity. "Matching hypothesis"

Happiness

We often express by smiling, laughing, flushed cheeks, raised cheeks,

Trust

We place this on others for various reasons such as; emotional needs, basic services or to give us direction. Establishing personal ties serves a basis for building trust.

Facial expressions

We read emotions partly by mirroring what?

Comparison level for alternatives

We weigh the profits and costs of one relationship against those we might derive from another. If we think someone else can give us what someone else isn't providing we most likely will leave.

Trust, openness, and self actualization

What three things go hand in hand?

Culture and gender

What two things also have an effect on our ability to trust?

Passionate love

What we feel when we first fall in love; it signals our attraction to and focus on a single person. It often decreases in intensity over time

Neutrality

When a person seems indifferent towards us we feel that they are more of a nonperson or aren't interested in us. Ex: someone who feels like they are being seen as indifferent would say something like "my boss doesn't even know my name"

Interaction variability

When contact varies, has greater breadth. Interactions are characterized by greater variability

Repression

When situations are too painful or unpleasant for us to face we "forget" the stimulus that has disturbed us by denying its existence. This can cause an individual to have many communicative issues. Ex: someone was abused all their life but they pretend it never happened

Certainty

When someone expresses absolute or total certainty about a disputed issue, it makes people become defensive. People don't like when someone thinks they know everything

Anger

When someone interferes with our ability to attain a goal, restraining us, physically or psychologically. Disregard for our feelings can also cause this emotion. We can appear red, clenched teeth, veins popping out, etc... heart usually speed up, Adrenalin boosts. This can be a dangerous emotion

Nonassertive expression

When someone is using this expressive style. Nonverbal cues includes downcast eyes or evasive eye contact, excessive head nodding, body gestures such as hang wringing, slouched posture, and a low hesitating or giggly voice. Verbal: vocal fillers, "this isn't really important, but" "I guess" Saying I'm sorry a lot

Living together apart

When the parties have kids together but are no longer a couple. They continue to share parenting responsibilities and cohabit even though they aren't together

Problem orientation

When we communicate that we have not already formulated a solution and are not going to attempt to force an opinion on the other person, the person feels freer to cooperate with us.

Self other understanding

When we employ appropriate emotions in response and displaying emotional self control and a willingness to delay self gratification we show a....

Rationalization

When we give ourselves a logical or reasonable explanation for our unrealistic pictures, thoughts, or feelings. Ex: a person doesn't get a job they wanted to they convince themselves they never really wanted it anyway

Displacement

When we release our anger or frustration by transferring our negative feelings to people or objects we perceive as more accessible or less dangerous than whoever or whatever precipitated the feelings in the first place. Ex: you yell at your sibling when really you'd rather yell at your boss.

forgive

When you are UNABLE to do this it can cause a person to have depression, less fulfilling relationships, impaired cardiovascular, neurological, and immune systems and unsteady emotions

lie

When you distort the truth of conceal information that is sensitive. Trying to convey a false impression.

Openness

When you lack this you usually are only concerned with your own feelings and believe it's unnecessary for the other person to benefit from the outcome. You see yourself as not responsible for the conflict and tend to use power techniques to further inhibit other person from trying to express themselves causing them pain.

Superiority

When you look down on someone and express feelings of superiority about social position, wealth, intellect, appearance, etc... this causes others to feel defensive towards you and react competitively. It makes others feel inadequate.

Spontaneous behavior

When you speak without hiding any meaning and are more straightforward. People feel less like you are trying to deceive them. This is opposite of strategy where you use language that sounds like you are leaving something out.

Pragma love

a love style in which partners are selected in a businesslike way on the basis of rational, practical criteria

Counterfeit relationship

a relationship based on a lie that will invariably lead to interpersonal failure. We often do this because we desire to protect our self-esteem and want someone to continue meeting our basic needs. We want to avoid being exposed or being vulnerable.

Living apart together

a relationship in which two people define themselves as a couple but do not live together. Ex: two people who were previously married to someone else come together as a couple but don't want to live together

Cooperative relationship

a relationship where we avoid a dog-eat dog situation, and sharing, interdependent efforts, and trust become more likely. Defines the communicators as more supportive and forthright

Nonassertive expression style

a style of communication characterized by hesitation in expressing one's feelings and thoughts. We don't satisfy our own concerns. This allows others to intimidate us and usually ensure that our own feelings will remain bottled up. We offer excuse after excuse and never quite find the right time or words to express ourselves

cognitive restructuring

a therapy that strives to help clients recognize maladaptive thought patterns and replace them with ways of viewing the world that are more in tune with reality

Control orientation

attempting to control someone else. It provokes defensiveness and often makes other person want to resist you. We often think the person thinks we are incapable of making decisions and it angers us.

Interpersonal intelligence

capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people. It allows us to develop a broader awareness and sensitivity of feelings.

Desc script

constructive approach for managing and conflict. Involved describing, expressing, specifying, and consequences. Describing: describe what is making you upset or what needs are not being met without being biased or accusatory. Express: say how it makes you feel. Specify: how the problem could be fixed possibly. Consequences: explain the reward or punishment. State the positives of resolving the problem. Ex: if you stopped teasing me in front of our friends, we could both have more fun.

Value conflict

disagreement caused by differences in partners' deep-seated moral beliefs and at times can be difficult to resolve

Meta conflict

disagreement over the process of communication itself during an argument. Ex: accusing a partner of nagging, not listening, or pouting. This complicated communication

Primary emotions

emotions that are expressed by people in all cultures. Listed as: surprise, anger, fear, sadness, disgust, acceptance, anticipation, and joy. They can mix and cause mixed emotions.

Evaluative statements

expressions that involve a judgment, place a value- negative or positive- on some action or practice. When we seem to judge people tend to be wary of our intentions. For ex: saying that something is stupid impedes us from communicating positively

Role reversal

taking the role of another person to learn how one's own behavior appears from the other person's perspective. It's a way to learn conflict resolution. It's a way to work towards a common goal by helping each other understand one another

Intrapersonal intelligence

the ability to gain access to one's own feelings and the ability to discriminate among them and draw upon them to guide behavior.

Emotion contagion

the experience of an emotion seems to spread to those around us. People who are highly empathetic tend to develop emotional support and unconsciously mirror or imitate the moods and emotions of others.

Initiating

the first stage in relational development in which we ask ourselves if this person is appealing enough to interact with. If so, we try to act as like-able and friendly as possible to engage with them. We keep the conversations short and superficial and start to form judgements about each other

Stabilized friendship

the friendship stage in which we decide that our friendship is secure and will continue. We feel that we can disclose information and reach out for emotional support and reveal fears and insecurities

Nascent friendship

the friendship stage that finds us considering each other friends. You choose start using our own rules in the relationship instead of using social stereotypes. Our communication with each other changes a lot

Emotional ineptitude

the inability to handle and control one's emotional responses. This is the root cause for relationship problems

Emotionally tone-deaf

unable to listen empathetically. Causes unfulfilling relationships.