92 Tips: Talk to Anyone (Lowndes, Leil)
BONUS: 6 POINT PARTY CHECKLIST: HOW TO WORK A PARTY LIKE A POLITICIAN WORKS A ROOM
1. Who Is Going to Be at the Party? "Who must I meet for business? Who should I meet for political or social reasons?" And, if single and searching, "Who do I want to meet for possible love?" 2. When Should I Arrive? "Hmm, should I be fashionably late?" They carefully calculate their estimated time of arrival and estimated time of departure. If the party is bulging with contacts, biggies get there early to start hitting their marks as each arrives. VIPs frequently come early to get their business done before party regulars who "hate to be the first one there" start arriving. They are never embarrassed to arrive early. After all, the only people who see them are other early arrivals who are often heavy hitters like themselves. Nor will you find politicians prowling around, the last to slink out the door. Once they've accomplished what they set out to do, they're on their way to the next opportunity. If their agenda is more social, they try to leave their departure time open and their après-party schedule free. 3. What Should I Take with Me? If corporate cats will be prowling the party, they pack a pocketful of business cards or handful of social cards containing only their name and possibly an address and phone number. (Some feel giving out a business card in a purely social setting can be gauche.) The most vital tool in their party pack is a small pad and pen to keep track of important contacts. Also: see, my comb, cologne, and breath mints." 4. Why Is the Party Being Given? The politician's perpetual philosophy of "penetrate the ostensible" enters here. "What is the ostensible reason for the party?" A big industrialist is giving his daughter a graduation party? A newly divorced executive is throwing himself a birthday bash? "Nice," politicians say to themselves, "that's the ostensible. But what's the real reason for the party?" Maybe the industrialist wants to get his daughter a good job so he's invited dozens of potential employers. The birthday boy is single again so the guest list is heavy with attractive and accomplished females. Their knowledge also makes them valuable agents for the party giver. A savvy politician introduces the job-seeking daughter to some executives at the party or tells the most alluring women at the bash what a great guy birthday boy is. When chatting with reporters, he talks up the host's business that needs good PR. When people support the real why of the party, they become popular and sought-after guests for future events. 5. Where Is the Collective Mind? Often people from one profession or one interest group will comprise most of the guest list. A politician never accepts any invitation without asking herself, "What kind of people will be at this party, and what will they be thinking about?" Perhaps there will be a drove of doctors. So she clicks on the latest medical headlines and rehearses a little doc-talk. If the guests are a nest of new-age voters, the politician gets up to speed on telepathic healing, Tantric toning, and trance dancing. Politicians can't afford to not be in the know. 6. How Am I Going to Follow Up on the Party? "Contact Cement." It's cementing the contacts the politician has made. After meeting a good contact and exchanging cards, practically everyone says, "It's been great talking to you. We'll stay in touch." This good intention seldom happens without herculean effort. Politicians, however, make a science out of keeping up the contact. After the party, they sit at their desks and, like a game of solitaire, lay out the business cards of the people they've met. Using "The Business Card Dossier" technique Does this person require a phone call? Should that one receive a handwritten note? Shall I E-mail or call the other one? Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 268-269). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
BONUS: COMPLIMENTS
COMPLIMENTS: Mind boggling, isn't it? Sociologists' research shows: 1) a compliment from a new person is more potent than from someone you already know, 2) your compliment has more credibility when given to an unattractive person or an attractive person whose face you've never seen, 3) you are taken more seriously if you preface your comments by some self-effacing remark—but only if your listener perceives you as higher on the totem pole. If you're lower, your self-effacing remark reduces your credibility. Complicated, this complimenting stuff. What is the difference between praise that lifts and flattery that flattens? Many factors enter the equation. They include your sincerity, timing, motivation, and wording. They also involve the recipient's self-image, professional position, experience with compliments, and judgment of your powers of perception. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 200). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#1 THE FLOODING SMILE
TECHNIQUE #1 Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 8). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. The study showed women who were slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 7). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#10 MAKE A MOOD MATCH
TECHNIQUE #10 MAKE A MOOD MATCH Before opening your mouth, take a "voice sample" of your listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a "psychic photograph" of the expression to see if your listener looks buoyant, bored, or blitzed. If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and voice tone, if only for a moment. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 50). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#11 PROSAIC WITH PASSION
TECHNIQUE #11 PROSAIC WITH PASSION Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listener's impression has nothing to do with your words anyway. Almost anything you say at first is fine. No matter how prosaic the text, an empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 54). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#12 ALWAYS WEAR A WHATZIT
TECHNIQUE #12 ALWAYS WEAR A WHATZIT Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room an excuse to approach. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your . . . what IS that?" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 58). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#13 WHOOZAT
TECHNIQUE #13 WHOOZAT Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by non-politicians) meeting-people device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 60). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#14 EAVESDROP
TECHNIQUE #14 EAVESDROP IN No Whatzit? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Just sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear. . . ." Will they be taken aback? Momentarily. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 62). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#15 NEVER THE NAKED CITY
TECHNIQUE #15 NEVER THE NAKED CITY Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, "And where are you from?" never, give a one-word answer. Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can comment on. Then, when they say something clever in response to your bait, they think you're a great conversationalist. I'm originally from Washington, D.C. If someone at, say, an art gallery asked me where I was from, I might answer "Washington, D.C.—designed, you know, by the same city planner who designed Paris." ***Where do you get your conversational bait? Start by phoning the chamber of commerce or historical society of your town. Search the World Wide Web and click on your town, or open an old-fashioned encyclopedia—all rich sources for future stimulating conversations. Learn some history, geography, business statistics, or perhaps a few fun facts to tickle future friends' funny bones. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 66) (p. 65),
#16 NEVER THE NAKED JOB
TECHNIQUE #16 NEVER THE NAKED JOB When asked the inevitable "And what do you do," Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on. For example, if you're talking with a young mother say, "I'm an attorney. Our firm specializes in employment law. In fact, now I'm involved in a case where a company actually discharged a woman for taking extra maternity leave that was a medical necessity." can Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 69). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#17 NEVER THE NAKED INTRODUCTION
TECHNIQUE #17 NEVER THE NAKED INTRODUCTION When introducing people, don't throw out an unbaited hook and stand there leaving the newlymets to flutter their fins and fish for a topic. Bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things. If you're not comfortable mentioning someone's job during the introduction, mention their hobby or even a talent. "Leil, I'd like you to meet Gilbert. Gilbert's gift is sculpting. He makes beautiful wax carvings." Then you may excuse yourself. (p. 72).
#18 BE A WORD DETECTIVE
TECHNIQUE #18 BE A WORD DETECTIVE Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner's every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that's hot for the other person. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 75). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#19 THE SWIVELING SPOTLIGHT
TECHNIQUE #19 THE SWIVELING SPOTLIGHT When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you. When you're talking, the spotlight is on you. When the new person is speaking, it's shining on him or her. If you shine it brightly enough, the stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about yourself. The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you. "Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person." Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 77). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#2 STICKY EYES
TECHNIQUE #2 maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker. Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner's with sticky warm taffy. Don't break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 12). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#20 PARROTING
TECHNIQUE #20 PARROTING Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen. Each time, through a series of nods and comforting grunts like "um hum," or "umm," you let your conversation partner know the ball has landed in your court. It's your "I got it" signal. Such is the rhythm of conversation. when it is your turn to speak but your mind goes blank. Don't panic. Instead of signaling verbally or nonverbally that you "got it," simply repeat—or parrot "You said it had great music?" "Bizarre story?" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 79-80). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#21 ENCORE!
TECHNIQUE #21 ENCORE! The sweetest sound your conversation partner can hear from your lips when you're talking with a group of people is "Tell them about the time you . . ." Whenever you're at a meeting or party with someone important to you, think of some stories he or she told you. Choose an appropriate one from their repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then shine the spotlight by requesting a repeat performance. One word of warning: make sure the story you request is one in which the teller shines. No one wants to retell the time they lost the sale, cracked up the car, or broke up the bar and spent the night in jail. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 85-86). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#22 AC-CEN-TU-ATE THE POS-I-TIVE
TECHNIQUE #22 AC-CEN-TU-ATE THE POS-I-TIVE When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later. You and your new good friend can invite the skeletons out, have a good laugh, and dance over their bones later in the relationship. But now's the time, as the old song says, to "ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-i-tive and elim-i-nate the neg-a-tive." Often people think when they meet someone they like, they should share a secret, reveal an intimacy, or make a confession of sorts to show they are human too. If you're on sure footing, say a superstar who wants to become friends with a fan, go ahead and tell your devotees about the time you were out of work and penniless. But if you're not a superstar, better play it safe and keep the skeletons in the closet until later. People don't know you well enough to put your foible in context. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 87). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#23 THE LATEST NEWS . . . DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
TECHNIQUE #23 THE LATEST NEWS . . . DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT The last move to make before leaving for the party—even after you've given yourself final approval in the mirror—is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody's talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it's surrounded by egg-on-face. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 90). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#24 WHAT DO YOU DO—NOT!
TECHNIQUE #24 WHAT DO YOU DO—NOT! A sure sign you're a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, "What do you do?" (You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or wife hunter, or someone who's never strolled along Easy Street.) "How . . . do . . . you . . . spend . . . most . . . of . . . your . . . time?" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 96). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#25 THE NUTSHELL RÉSUMÉ
TECHNIQUE #25 THE NUTSHELL RÉSUMÉInstead of having one answer to the omnipresent "What do you do?" prepare a dozen or so variations, depending on who's asking. For optimum networking, every time someone asks about your job, give a calculated oral rèsumè in a nutshell. Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you and your work. Wherever you go, pack a nutshell about your own life to work into your communications bag of tricks. "What possible interest could this person have in my answer? Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my buddy?" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 99). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#26 YOUR PERSONAL THESAURUS
TECHNIQUE #26 YOUR PERSONAL THESAURUS Look up some common words you use every day in the thesaurus. Then, like slipping your feet into a new pair of shoes, slip your tongue into a few new words to see how they fit. If you like them, start making permanent replacements. Remember, only fifty words makes the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and an average, middle-of-the-road one. Substitute a word a day for two months and you'll be in the verbally elite. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 106). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#27 KILL THE QUICK "ME, TOO!"
TECHNIQUE #27 KILL THE QUICK "ME, TOO!" Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger. P.S.: Don't wait too long to reveal your shared interest or it will seem like you're being tricky. Let her go on about the country club before you tell her you're a member, too. Let him go on analyzing the golf swing of Arnold Palmer before you start casually comparing the swings of golf greats Greg, Jack, Tiger, and Arnie. When you delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it, it has much more punch. Above all, you don't want to sound anxious to have rapport. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 107). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 109). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#28 COMM-YOU-NICATION
TECHNIQUE #28 COMM-YOU-NICATION Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener's attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the pride button and saves them having to translate it into "me" terms. When you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation, your listeners find it an irresistible spice. EXAMPLE: "Jill, you will really love this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening for dinner?" Phrasing it that way, you've already subliminally answered Jill's questions and she's more apt to give you a quick "yes." EXAMPLE: "Can I take Friday off, Boss?" Or this one: "Boss, can you do without me Friday?" EXAMPLE: "Excuse me, could you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 113). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#29 THE EXCLUSIVE SMILE
TECHNIQUE #29 THE EXCLUSIVE SMILE If you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confederate dollar, it loses value. When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile. Let your smiles grow out of the beauty big players find in each new face. If one person in a group is more important to you than the others, reserve an especially big, flooding smile just for him or her. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 117). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#3 EPOXY EYES
TECHNIQUE #3 This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 15). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Use Epoxy Eyes to Push Their Erotic Button
#30 DON'T TOUCH A CLICHè WITH A TEN-FOOT POLE
TECHNIQUE #30 DON'T TOUCH A CLICHè WITH A TEN-FOOT POLE Be on guard. Don't use any clichès when chatting with big winners. Don't even touch one with a ten-foot pole. Never? Not even when hell freezes over? Not unless you want to sound dumb as a doorknob. Instead of coughing up a clichè, roll your own clever phrases by using the next technique. Don't use: "Yes, I was tired as a dog," or "She was cute as a button," or you've unknowingly laid a linguistic bomb. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 119). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 120). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. One of the quickest ways to make a big winner think you are, well, a jerk, is to use a clichè.
#31 USE JAWSMITH'S JIVE
TECHNIQUE #31 USE JAWSMITH'S JIVE Whether you're standing behind a podium facing thousands or behind the barbecue grill facing your family, you'll move, amuse, and motivate with the same skills. Read speakers' books to cull quotations, pull pearls of wisdom, and get gems to tickle their funny bones. Find a few bon mots to let casually slide off your tongue on chosen occasions. If you want to be notable, dream up a crazy quotable. Make 'em rhyme, make 'em clever, or make 'em funny. Above all, make 'em relevant. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 125-126). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 125). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. (Elvis Presley used to say, "My daddy's Mr. Presley. Call me Elvis.") Like all professional speakers, Barry spends several hours a week gleaning through books of quotations and humor. All professional speakers do. They collect bon mots they can use in a variety of situations—most especially to scrape egg off their faces when something unexpected happens. Lilly Walters's face-saver lines from her book, What to Say When You're Dying on the Platform.16 All pros think of holes they might fall into and then memorize great escape lines. "as sure as your shadow will follow you." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 122-123). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#32 CALL A SPADE A SPADE
TECHNIQUE #32 CALL A SPADE A SPADE Don't hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. That doesn't mean big cats use tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent five- and six-letter ones exist. They've simply learned the King's English, and they speak it. Here's another way to tell the big players from the little ones just by listening to a few minutes of their conversation. If a big cat is ever in doubt about a word, he or she simply resorts to French. If they feel the word buttocks is debatable, derriere will do quite nicely, thank you. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 128). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#33 TRASH THE TEASING
TECHNIQUE #33 TRASH THE TEASING A dead giveaway of a little cat is his or her proclivity to tease. An innocent joke at someone else's expense may get you a cheap laugh. Nevertheless, the big cats will have the last one. Because you'll bang your head against the glass ceiling they construct to keep little cats from stepping on their paws. Never, ever, make a joke at anyone else's expense. You'll wind up paying for it, dearly. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 130). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#34 IT'S THE RECEIVER'S BALL
TECHNIQUE #34 IT'S THE RECEIVER'S BALL A football player wouldn't last two beats of the time clock if he made blind passes. A pro throws the ball with the receiver always in mind. Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the receiver will take it. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 132). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 132). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#35 THE BROKEN RECORD
TECHNIQUE #35 THE BROKEN RECORD Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response. Use precisely the same words in precisely the same tone of voice. Hearing it again usually quiets them down. If your rude interrogator hangs on like a leech, your next repetition never fails to flick them off. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 135). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#36 BIG SHOTS DON'T SLOBBER
TECHNIQUE #36 BIG SHOTS DON'T SLOBBER People who are VIPs in their own right don't slobber over celebrities. When you are chatting with one, don't compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight it's given you. If you do single out any one of the star's accomplishments, make sure it's a recent one, not a memory that's getting yellow in her scrapbook. If the queen bee has a drone sitting with her, find a way to involve him in the conversation. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 138). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#37 NEVER THE NAKED THANK YOU
TECHNIQUE #37 NEVER THE NAKED THANK YOU Never let the phrase "thank you" stand alone. From A to Z, always follow it with for: from "Thank you for asking" to "Thank you for zipping me up." EXAMPLES: "Thank you for coming. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for being such a good customer. Thank you for being so loving." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 140-142). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 140). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 142). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#38 SCRAMBLE THERAPY
TECHNIQUE #38 SCRAMBLE THERAPY Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you'd never dream of doing. Participate in a sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on something totally out of your experience. You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure. EXAMPLES: Go fly a kite, go scuba diving" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 148). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#39 LEARN A LITTLE JOBBLEDYGOOK
TECHNIQUE #39 LEARN A LITTLE JOBBLEDYGOOK Big winners speak Jobbledygook as a second language. What is Jobbledygook? It's the language of other professions. Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider. How do you learn it? You'll find no Jobbledygook cassettes in the language section of your bookstore, but the lingo is easy to pick up. Simply ask a friend who speaks the lingo of the crowd you'll be with to teach you a few opening questions. The words are few and the rewards are manifold. That's all you need to get started—two good opening art questions and a warning against the most-asked dumb outsider question. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 153). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 153). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#4 HANG BY YOUR TEETH
TECHNIQUE #4 Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 20). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#40 BARING THEIR HOT BUTTON
TECHNIQUE #40 BARING THEIR HOT BUTTON Before jumping blindly into a bevy of bookbinders or a drove of dentists, find out what the hot issues are in their fields. Every industry has burning concerns the outside world knows little about. Ask your informant to bare the industry buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons. Back to the art show you're about to attend. You can't let Sally hang up yet. She's given you the two best opening questions for artists. But don't let her go until you get the real conversational grabber. Ask her the hottest issues going on in the art world. She might think a minute and then say, "Well, there's always art prices." "Art prices?" you ask. "Yes," she explains. "For example, in the 1980s the art world was very market-driven. Prices went sky-high because some investors and status seekers paid exorbitant amounts. We feel that kind of took art away from the masses." Wow, now you're really armed with some good insider art talk! Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 155-156). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 155). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#41 READ THEIR RAGS
TECHNIQUE #41 READ THEIR RAGS Is your next big client a golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, or skier? Are you attending a social function filled with accountants or Zen Buddhists—or anything in between? There are untold thousands of monthly magazines serving every imaginable interest. You can dish up more information than you'll ever need to sound like an insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their racket. (Have you read your latest copy of Zoonooz yet?) Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 159-160). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#42 CLEAR "CUSTOMS"
TECHNIQUE #42 CLEAR "CUSTOMS" Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world. Before you shake hands, give a gift, make gestures, or even compliment anyone's possessions, check it out. Your gaffe could gum up your entire gig. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 163-164). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#43 BLUFFING FOR BARGAINS
TECHNIQUE #43 BLUFFING FOR BARGAINS The haggling skills used in ancient Arab markets are alive and well in contemporary America for big-ticket items. Your price is much lower when you know how to deal. Before every big purchase, find several vendors—a few to learn from and one to buy from. Armed with a few words of industryese, you're ready to head for the store where you're going to buy. EXAMPLE: "Tell them guys, 'Look the walls need very little prepping. You're not going to have to spend much time scraping and spackling. It's a clean job.'" Iggy told me these few sentences alone can save you hundreds of dollars. Why? Right away the painter knows you know the score and that the most time-consuming part for him is preparing the surface (prepping in painterese). Therefore, it's his biggest markup item. "Then," Iggy continued, "when you tell 'em there will be no cutting in [painting two colors next to each other], your price goes down again. Be sure and tell 'em not to leave any holidays [unpainted or sparsely painted spots] and you get a more careful job." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 170). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#44 BE A COPYCLASS
TECHNIQUE #44 BE A COPYCLASS Watch people. Look at the way they move. Small movements? Big movements? Fast? Slow? Jerky? Fluid? Old? Young? Classy? Trashy? Pretend the person you are talking to is your dance instructor. Is he a jazzy mover? Is she a balletic mover? Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 174-175). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#45 ECHOING
TECHNIQUE #45 ECHOING Echoing is a simple linguistic technique that packs a powerful wallop. Listen to the speaker's arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions,adjectives—and echo them back. Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport. It makes them feel you share their values, their attitudes, their interests, their experiences. Recently, at a reception, I introduced one of my friends, Susan, as a day-care worker. Afterward Susan begged, "Leil, puleeze do not call me a day-care worker. We're child-care workers." Whoops! Time and recent history quickly make certain terms archaic. "We prefer you say person with a disability." She then gave a moving explanation. "We people with disabilities are the same as every other able-bodied person. We say AB," she added. "ABs go through life with all the same baggage we do. We just carry one extra piece, a disability." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 180). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#46 POTENT IMAGING
TECHNIQUE #46 POTENT IMAGING Does your customer have a garden? Talk about "sowing the seeds for success." Does your boss own a boat? Tell him or her about a concept that will "hold water" or "stay afloat." Maybe he is a private pilot? Talk about a concept really "taking off." She plays tennis? Tell her it really hits the "sweet spot." Evoke your listener's interests or lifestyle and weave images around it. To give your points more power and punch, use analogies from your listener's world, not your own. Potent Imaging also tells your listeners you think like them and hints you share their interests. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 184-185). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#47 EMPLOY EMPATHIZERS
TECHNIQUE #47 EMPLOY EMPATHIZERS Don't be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like "I see what you mean." Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like "That's a lovely thing to say." Your empathy impresses your listeners and encourages them to continue. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 187). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#48 ANATOMICALLY CORRECT EMPATHIZERS
TECHNIQUE #48 ANATOMICALLY CORRECT EMPATHIZERS What part of their anatomy are your associates talking through? Their eyes? Their ears? Their gut? For visual people, use visual empathizers to make them think you see the world the way they do. For auditory folks, use auditory empathizers to make them think you hear them loud and clear. For kinesthetic types, use kinesthetic empathizers to make them think you feel the same way they do. EXAMPLE: Match your empathizers to the current sense someone is talking through. For example, suppose a business colleague describing a financial plan says, "With this plan, we can see our way clear in six months." Since this time she's using primarily visual references, say "I see what you mean" or "You really have a clear picture of that situation." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 190-191). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 191). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#49 THE PREMATURE WE
TECHNIQUE #49 THE PREMATURE WE Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you've met just moments before. Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping conversational levels one and two and cutting right to levels three and four. Elicit intimate feelings by using the magic words we, us, and our. EXAMPLE: Ask your prospect's feelings on something the way you would query a friend. ("George, how do you feel about the new governor?") Then use the pronoun we when discussing anything that might affect the two of you. ("Do you think we're going to prosper during his administration?") Make it a point to concoct we sentences, the kind people instinctively reserve for friends, lovers, and other intimates. ("I think we'll survive while the governor's in office.") The word we fosters togetherness. It makes the listener feel connected. It gives a subliminal feeling of "you and me against the cold, cold world." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 193-194). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 194). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#5 THE BIG-BABY PIVOT
TECHNIQUE #5 THE BIG-BABY PIVOT Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts "I think you are very, very special." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 25-26). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#50 INSTANT HISTORY
TECHNIQUE #50 INSTANT HISTORY When you meet a stranger you'd like to make less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a few words that reprieve the laugh, the warm smile, the good feelings the two of you felt. Now, just like old friends, you have a history together, an Instant History. With anyone you'd like to make part of your personal or professional future, look for special moments together. Then make them a refrain. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 196). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 196). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#51 GRAPEVINE GLORY
TECHNIQUE #51 GRAPEVINE GLORY A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, telegraph, but by tell-a-friend. This way you escape possible suspicion that you are an apple-polishing, bootlicking, egg-sucking, back-scratching sycophant trying to win brownie points. You also leave recipients with the happy fantasy that you are telling the whole world about their greatness. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 203). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#52 CARRIER PIGEON KUDOS
TECHNIQUE #52 CARRIER PIGEON KUDOS People immediately grow a beak and metamorphosize themselves into carrier pigeons when there's bad news. (It's called gossip.) Instead, become a carrier of good news and kudos. Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, fly to them with the compliment. Your fans may not posthumously stuff you and put you on display in a museum like Stumpy Joe. But everyone loves the carrier pigeon of kind thoughts. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 205). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#53 IMPLIED MAGNIFICENCE
TECHNIQUE #53 IMPLIED MAGNIFICENCE Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person you're talking with. But be careful. Don't blow it like the well-intentioned maintenance man. Or the southern boy who, at the prom, thought he was flattering his date when he told her, "Gosh, Mary Lou, for a fat gal you dance real good." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 208). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#54 ACCIDENTAL ADULATION
TECHNIQUE #54 ACCIDENTAL ADULATION Become an undercover complimenter. Stealthily sneak praise into the parenthetical part of your sentence. Just don't try to quiz anyone later on your main point. The joyful jolt of your accidental adulation strikes them temporarily deaf to anything that follows. Tell your sixty-five-year-old uncle, "Anyone as fit as you would have zipped right up those steps, but boy, was I out of breath." Tell a colleague: "Because you're so knowledgeable in contract law, you would have read between the lines, but stupidly, I signed it." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 210). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#55 KILLER COMPLIMENT
TECHNIQUE #55 KILLER COMPLIMENT Whenever you are talking with a stranger you'd like to make part of your professional or personal future, search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she has. At the end of the conversation, look the individual right in the eye. Say his or her name and proceed to curl all ten toes with the Killer Compliment. A Killer Compliment is not "I like your tie" or "You're a very nice person." (The first is not personal enough and the second is not specific enough.) A Killer Compliment is more like "What exquisite eyes you have," (very specific) or "You have a wonderful air of honesty about you," (very personal). Rule #1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private. If you are standing with a group of four or five people and you praise one woman for being fit, every other woman feels like a barrel of lard. If you tell one man he has wonderful carriage, every other feels like a hunchback. You also make the blushing recipient uncomfortable. Rule #2: Make your Killer Compliment credible. For example, I'm tone-deaf. If I'm forced to sing even a simple song like "Happy Birthday," I sound like a sick pig. If anyone in earshot were foolish enough to tell me they liked my voice, I'd know it was hogwash. Rule #3: Confer only one Killer Compliment per half year on each recipient. Otherwise you come across as insincere, groveling, obsequious, pandering, and a thoroughly manipulative person. Not cool. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 213). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 213). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#56 LITTLE STROKES
TECHNIQUE #56 LITTLE STROKES Don't make your colleagues, your friends, your loved ones look at you and silently say, "Haven't I been pretty good today?" Let them know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal verbal Little Strokes like "Nice job!" "Well done!" "Cool!" EXAMPLES: "Well done,(PERSONS NAME!" After a long drive, "You did it! It must have been tiring." "Wow, you're the best chef in town." Just before going out together, "Gee, honey, you look great." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 215). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#57 THE KNEE-JERK "WOW!"
TECHNIQUE #57 THE KNEE-JERK "WOW!" Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they finish a feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, "You were terrific!" Don't worry that they won't believe you. The euphoria of the moment has a strangely numbing effect on the achiever's objective judgment. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 218). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 218). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#58 BOOMERANGING
TECHNIQUE #58 BOOMERANGING Just as a boomerang flies right back to the thrower, let compliments boomerang right back to the giver. Like the French, quickly murmur something that expresses "That's very kind of you." Upon receiving a compliment, many people demur or proffer an embarrassed little "Thank you." Worse, they protest, "Well, not really, but thanks anyway." Some people toss it off with, "just luck." When you react this way, you visit a grave injustice on the complimenter. You insult a well-meaning person's powers of perception. USE: "Vous êtes gentil." EXAMPLE: She says, "I like those shoes." You say, "Oh I'm so happy you told me. I just got them." Them: Your food smells good, You: Oh, thank you. It's __________. It's one of my favorite dishes to prepare. "How was your vacation in Hawaii?" You answer, "Oh, you remembered I went to Hawaii! It was great, thanks." He says, "You really did a good job on this project." You say, "Oh, that's so nice of you to tell me. I appreciate your positive feedback." Your boss asks, "Are you over your cold now?" You answer, "I appreciate your concern. I feel much better now." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 222). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#59 THE TOMBSTONE GAME
TECHNIQUE #59 THE TOMBSTONE GAME Step one: In a quiet moment chatting with your friend, your loved one, or your business partner, tell him or her that the other day you were reading about—of all things—tombstones! "The piece was about," you say, "what people fantasize will be inscribed above their grave after they die." You learned that people want the quality they are most proud of in life etched in stone. Then say, "The variety is surprising. Everyone has a different self-image, a different deep source of pride." Examples: Here lies Billy Bucks. By golly, he could make people laugh. Here lies Jane Wilson. She spread joy wherever she went. Here lies Harry Jones. He lived life his way. Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but don't mention it again. Then, when the moment is right to say "I appreciate you" or "I love you," fill the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier. You take people's breath away when you feed their deepest self-image to them in a compliment. "At last," they say to themselves, "someone who loves me for who I truly am." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 226-227). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#6 HELLO OLD FRIEND
TECHNIQUE #6 HELLO OLD FRIEND When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes—and everything between. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 29). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#60 TALKING GESTURES
TECHNIQUE #60 TALKING GESTURES Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the phone. If you want to come across as engaging as you are, you must turn your smiles into sound, your nods into noise, and all your gestures into something your listener can hear. You must replace your gestures with talk. Then punch up the whole act 30 percent! "Oh that's great," "No kidding," "Interesting," and "Tell me more!" She didn't see you hitting your head in surprise? Better say "What a surprise!" or "You don't say!" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 233). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#61 NAME SHOWER
TECHNIQUE #61 NAME SHOWER People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention. Your caller's name re-creates the eye contact, the caress, you might give in person. Saying someone's name repeatedly when face-to-face sounds pandering. But because there is physical distance between you on the phone—sometimes you're a continent apart—you can spray your conversation with it. Saying a person's name too often in face-to-face conversation sounds manipulative. However, on the phone the effect is dramatically different. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 235). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#62 "OH WOW, IT'S YOU!"
TECHNIQUE #62 "OH WOW, IT'S YOU!" Don't answer the phone with an "I'm just sooo happy all the time" attitude. Answer warmly, crisply, and professionally. Then, after you hear who is calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill over into your voice. You make your caller feel as though your giant warm fuzzy smile is reserved for him or her. "Oh Joe, [smile] how nice to hear from you!" "Sally, [smile] how are you?" "Bill, [smile] I was hoping it would be you." Look up details for dealing with a "pain in the neck" Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 239). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#63 THE SNEAKY SCREEN
TECHNIQUE #63 THE SNEAKY SCREEN If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully, "Oh yes, I'll put you right through. May I tell her who's calling?" If the party has already identified himself, it's "Oh of course, Mr. Whoozit. I'll put you right through." When the secretary comes back with the bad news that Mr. or Ms. Bigwig is unavailable, callers don't take it personally and never feel screened. They fall for it every time, just like I did. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 241). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#64 SALUTE THE SPOUSE
TECHNIQUE #64 SALUTE THE SPOUSE Whenever you are calling someone's home, always identify and greet the person who answers. Whenever you call someone's office more than once or twice, make friends with the secretary. Anybody who is close enough to answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIP's opinion of you. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 243). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#65 WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TIME?
TECHNIQUE #65 WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TIME? No matter how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the person about timing. Either use the What Color Is Your Time? device or simply ask, "Is this a convenient time for you to talk?" When you ask about timing first, you'll never smash your footprints right in the middle of your telephone partner's sands of time. You'll never get a "No!" just because your timing wasn't right. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 247). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#66 CONSTANTLY CHANGING OUTGOING MESSAGE
TECHNIQUE #66 CONSTANTLY CHANGING OUTGOING MESSAGE If you want to be perceived as conscientious and reliable, leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message. No music. No jokes. No inspirational messages. No boasts, bells, or whistles. And here's the secret: change it every day. Your message doesn't have to be flawless. A little cough or stammer gives a lovely unpretentious reality to your message. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 251). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#67 YOUR TEN-SECOND AUDITION
TECHNIQUE #67 YOUR TEN-SECOND AUDITION While dialing, clear your throat. If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep is a big Broadway producer saying "Nexxxt." Now you're on. This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback. Here's one called a cliff-hanger. EXAMPLE: "Hi, Harry, this is Andrew. I have the answer to that question you asked me last week." Or "Hi Diane, this is Betsy. I have some big news about that project we were discussing." Pitch personality into your message, too. Picture the people listening to it. Say something to pique their curiosity or make them smile. Incidentally, if someone's voicemail unexpectedly comes on and you are unprepared, quickly hang up (before the beep so they don't get a hang-up message.) Take a moment to craft your entertaining, enticing, or interesting message. Rehearse it once with confidence, clarity, and charisma. Then redial to leave your great hot message. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 253-254). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#68 THE HO-HUM CAPER
TECHNIQUE #68 THE HO-HUM CAPER Instead of using your party's name, casually let the pronoun he or she roll off your tongue. Forget "Uh, may I speak to Ms. Bigshot please?" Just announce, "Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?" Tossing the familiar she off your tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies. Without casting a glance at the cashier, I'd strut confidently into the coffee shop. I'd march right past the bathroom bouncer and keep my gaze fixed on one of the booths. She'd assume I was coming for lunch or had simply returned to collect my forgotten gloves. Once past the gatekeeper of the loo, I'd wait for her to be busy ringing up the next check. Then, like greased lightning, I'd sprint into the john. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 256). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#69 "I HEAR YOUR OTHER LINE"
TECHNIQUE #69 "I HEAR YOUR OTHER LINE" When you hear a phone in the background, stop speaking—in midsentence, if necessary—and say "I hear your other line," (or your dog barking, your baby crying, your spouse calling you). Ask whether she has to attend to it. Whether she does or not, she'll know you're a top communicator for asking. The subtext, of course, is that you are sensitive to what's going on in The subtext, of course, is that you are sensitive to what's going on in your caller's world. If you're talking to someone far away or in another country, another way to show you're tops in the communications department is to translate time references into their time zone. When you leave a message, say "I can be reached between three and five your time." Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 257-258). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 258). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#7 LIMIT THE FIDGET
TECHNIQUE #7 LIMIT THE FIDGET Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 34). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#70 INSTANT REPLAY
TECHNIQUE #70 INSTANT REPLAY Record all your business conversations and listen to them again. The second or third time, you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the first time. It's like football fans who often don't know if there was a fumble until they see it all over again in Instant Replay. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 262). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#71 MUNCHING OR MINGLING
TECHNIQUE #71 MUNCHING OR MINGLING Politicians want to be eyeball to eyeball and belly to belly with their constituents. Like any big winner well versed in the science of proxemics and spatial relationships, they know any object except their belt buckle has the effect of a brick wall between two people. Therefore they never hold food or drink at a party. Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect to do both. Like a good politician, chow down before you come. Have you ever lived on a farm? Or had a dog or a cat? Then you know you never disturb animals when they are eating. Subconsciously they're saying to themselves, "Let the hungry hound chow down and maybe we'll talk later." Later never comes because they wind up making friends with someone else whose mouth wasn't full. Politicians always eat before they come to the party. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 271). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#72 RUBBERNECK THE ROOM
TECHNIQUE #72 RUBBERNECK THE ROOM When you arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically in the doorway. Then s-l-o-w-l-y survey the situation. Let your eyes travel back and forth like a SWAT team ready in a heartbeat to wipe out anything that moves. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 273). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#73 BE THE CHOOSER, NOT THE CHOOSEE
TECHNIQUE #73 BE THE CHOOSER, NOT THE CHOOSEE The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business contact who will transform your future may not be at the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event. Do not stand around waiting for the moment when that special person approaches you. You make it happen by exploring every face in the room. Capture whatever or whomever you want in your life. You can tell a whole lot more than you realize if you keep your gaze fixed on someone. Every twinkle in someone's eye and every line surrounding it tells a story—the story of the life he or she leads. Who was it who said, "At age thirty, everyone has the face he deserves"? Yet few of us consciously look into strangers' eyes. How foolish that, at a party or convention for making contacts, most people are embarrassed to make eye contact with people we don't know. "Examine other's movements." While strolling and staring, I ask them to silently choose the four people they most want to talk to during the break. If you want to walk out of any gathering with your life enhanced, spend time with people you choose, not just those who choose you. Be choosey in who you pick. But don't wait to be the choosee. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 276). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#74 COME-HITHER HANDS
TECHNIQUE #74 COME-HITHER HANDS Be a human magnet, not a human repellent. When standing at a gathering, arrange your body in an open position—especially your arms and hands. People instinctively gravitate toward open palms and wrists seductively arranged in the "come hither" position. They shy away from knuckles in the "get lost or I'll punch you" position. Use your wrists and palms to say "I have nothing to hide," "I accept you and what you're saying," or "I find you sexy." Vulnerable, open palms signify "I have nothing to hide." They also signify acceptance. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 280). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#75 TRACKING
TECHNIQUE #75 TRACKING Like an air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of your conversation partners' lives. Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story. It creates a powerful sense of intimacy. When you invoke the last major or minor event in anyone's life, it confirms the deep conviction that he or she is an old-style hero around whom the world revolves. And people love you for recognizing their stardom. One of the most powerful forms of tracking is remembering anniversaries of people's personal achievements. Did your boss get promoted to her present position one year ago today? Did your client go public? How much more memorable than a birthday card to send a one-year congratulations note. Remembering people's private passions is another. Several years ago, I wrote regularly for a magazine. My then-editor, Carrie, was obsessed with her new kitten named Cookie. Recently I ran into Carrie at a writer's conference. In early conversation I said to her, "I guess Cookie's a full-grown cat by now. How is she?" Carrie's astonished smile was my reward. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 283). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#76 THE BUSINESS CARD DOSSIER
TECHNIQUE #76 THE BUSINESS CARD DOSSIER Right after you've talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation: his favorite restaurant, sport, movie, or drink; whom she admires, where she grew up, a high school honor; or maybe a joke he told. In your next communication, toss off a reference to the favorite restaurant, sport, movie, drink, hometown, high school honor. Or reprieve the laugh over the great joke. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 286). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#77 EYEBALL SELLING
TECHNIQUE #77 EYEBALL SELLING The human body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station that transmits You thrill me. You bore me. I love that aspect of your product. That one puts my feet to sleep. Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick up on all your customers' and friends' signals. Then plan your pitch and your pace accordingly. If their whole body starts to turn away, use the time-honored personal question ploy. Ask about their favorite topic. "George, how big did you say that bass you caught last week was? Or use is name and ask a personal question. "What did you say the name of your high school football team was? Suggested reading: Fast, Julius. 1970 Body Language. New York Fast, Julius 1991 Subtext: Making Body Language Work in the Workplace.
#78 SEE NO BLOOPERS, HEAR NO BLOOPERS
TECHNIQUE #78 SEE NO BLOOPERS, HEAR NO BLOOPERS Cool communicators all their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions. They simply don't notice their comrades' minor spills, slips, fumbles and faux pas. They obviously ignore raspberries and all other signs of human frailty in their fellow mortals. Big winners never gape at another's gaffes. Big boys and big girls see no bloopers, hear no bloopers. They never say butterfingers, or whoops or even uh oh. They ignore their colleagues boners. They don't notice minor spills, slips fumbles and blunders. "If you're having dinner with a friend and she makes a boner, be blind to her overturned glass. Be deft to her sneeze, cough or hiccups. No matter how well-meaning your "gesundheit", whoops or knowing smile, nobody likes to be reminded of their own human frailty. Say a rippling tide of soda is flooding across the table in your direction and it will be impossible to ignore by the time it reaches your lap. If possible, deftly fllip your napkin to obstruct the current and keep talk. Try not to miss a syllable of the sentence you started before the oncoming tide. At this point your companion might mutter incoherent apologies. Adropitly weave a parenthetical, "It's nothing" into your current phrase and continue talking. If you knock over your own glass, do not miss a syllable of our soliloquy and dab up the puddle with your napkin. "
#79 LEND A HELPING TONGUE
TECHNIQUE #79 LEND A HELPING TONGUE Whenever someone's story is aborted, let the interruption play itself out. Give everyone time to dote on the little darling, give their dinner order, or pick up the jagged pieces of china. THen when the group reassembles, simply say to the person who suffered story-interruptus, "Now please get back to your story." Or better yet remember where they were and then asked, "So what happened after the...." fill in the last few words).
#8 HANS'S HORSE SENSE
TECHNIQUE #8 HANS'S HORSE SENSE Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you're saying. Then plan your moves accordingly. If a horse can do it, so can a human. People will say you pick up on everything. You never miss a trick. You've got horse sense. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 38). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#80 BARE THE BURIED WIIFM (AND WIIFY)
TECHNIQUE #80 BARE THE BURIED WIIFM (AND WIIFY) Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective benefits. Reveal what's in it for you and what's in it for the other person--even if it's zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox. When asking someone for a favor, let them know how much it means to you. You come across as a straight shooter, and the joy of helping you out is often reward enough. page 305
#81 LET'EM SAVOR THE FAVOR
TECHNIQUE #81 LET'EM SAVOR THE FAVOR Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to relish the joy of his or her beneficence before you make them pay the piper. How long? At least twenty four hours.
#82 TIT FOR (WAIT...WAIT) TAT
TECHNIQUE #82 TIT FOR (WAIT...WAIT) TAT When you do someone a favor and it's obvious that "he owes you one," wait a suitable amount of time before asking him to "pay." Let him enjoy the fact (or fiction) that you did it out of friendship. Don't call in your tit for their tat too swiftly." EXAMPLE: A colleague was able to give the author names for a talent agency. Clearly the author owned the colleague but the colleague said "Oh I'm sure you'll find a way to pay me back" She says "Well of course I will. That goes without saying." But it should have gone without saying. She was reminding the author that the favor wasn't out of friendship but because she expected something in return. Two days later, that colleague asked for a favor. Blantanly cashing in on the return favor so quickly was not a smooth move.
#83 PARTIES ARE THE PRATTER
TECHNIQUE #83 PARTIES ARE THE PRATTER There are three sacred safe havens in the human jungle where even the toughest tiger knows he must not attack. The first of these is parties. Parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations. Big players, even when standing next to their enemies at the buffet table, smile and nod. they leave tough talk for tougher settings. Drunk lady confronts boss about money used for party could have been used for child care facility for workers. Kirstin (boss): a top communicator, took Jane's hands in hers and gave her a big smile. "Jane you're obviously excellent at math. You're right, just about half of what this party cost would indeed pay for the opening of such a facility. Let's talk about it during business hours." We then made a swift departure. Even though opening a child-care facility for employees was already in the works. Didn't tell her that then and there because "It wasn't the right time or place"
#84 DINNER FOR DINING
TECHNIQUE #84 DINNER FOR DINING The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining table. Breaking bread together is a time when they bring up no unpleasant matters. While eating, they know it's OK to brainstorm and discuss the positive side of the business: their dreams, their desires, their designs. They can free associate and come up with new ideas. But no tough business. However, should any disagreement misunderstand, or controversial aspect arise, they must immediately relegate it to another table, the conference table.
#85 CHANCE ENCOUNTERS ARE FOR CHITCHAT
TECHNIQUE #85 CHANCE ENCOUNTERS ARE FOR CHITCHAT If you're selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with someone, do NOT capitalize on a chance meeting. Keep the melody of your mistaken meeting sweet and light. Otherwise, it could turn into your swan song with Big Winner. For example, if you happen to see someone in a supermarket etc.
#86 EMPTY THEIR TANKS
TECHNIQUE #86 EMPTY THEIR TANKS If you need information, let people have their entire say first. Wait patiently until their needle is on empty and the last drop drips out and splashes on the cement. It's the only way to be sure their tank is empty enough of their own inner noise to start receiving your ideas.
#87 ECHO THE EMO
TECHNIQUE #87 ECHO THE EMO Fact speak. Emotions shout. Whenever you need facts from people about an emotional situation, let them emote. Hear their facts but empathize like made with their emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to calm their emotional storm. Example: LL Bean. Author's friend bought from company and pants broke. Customer service representative: "Oh that's terrible. I understand, your friend must have felt awful." Author: Yes, he did. CSR: He must have been mortified. A: He definitely was CSR: And you, when you heard about it. You must have felt terrible, too, especially after you'd recommended our products so highly." A: Well your products usually are excellent. CSR: I'm so sorry we caused you this pain and aggravation.
#88 MY GOOF, YOUR GAIN
TECHNIQUE #88 MY GOOF, YOUR GAIN Whenever you make a boner, make sure your victim benefits. It's not enough to correct your mistake. Ask yourself, "What can I do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the flub? then do it fast! In that way, your goof will become your gain. Author: Visiting client's office, author tripped on a rug and broke their vase, shattering it into several pieces. Next day, she had a messenger deliever a beautiful vase, ten times the value of the almost totaled one, with a dozen roses in it.
#89 BUTTERCUPS FOR THEIR BOSS
TECHNIQUE #89 BUTTERCUPS FOR THEIR BOSS Do you have a store clerk, accountant, law firm junior partner, tailor, auto mechanic, maitre d, massage therapist, kid's teacher- or any other worker you want special attention from in the further? The surefire way to make them care enough to give you their very best is send a buttercup to their boss. For example, worker reluctantly agreed to get a printing job done on time. She said, "Wow , you're great or Wow you're terrific! What's your boss' name? Your supervisor should get a letter of congratulations on hiring you. You really try harder for your customers." Letter can read as follows: Dear [name of supervisor], I know how important customer service is to an organization such as yours. This letter is to commend [name of employee]. He/She is an example of an {employee title} who gives exceptional customer service. {Name of store or businnes} continues to have a business thanks in great part to the service given by [name of employee] gratefully, signature supervisors of parking lots, owners of insurance companies, and to managers of dozens of stores where I shop regularly.
#89 LEAVE AN ESCAPE HATCH
TECHNIQUE #89 LEAVE AN ESCAPE HATCH Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, don't confront the dirty duck directly. Unless it is your responsibility to catch or correct the culprit-or unless you are saving other innocent victims by doing so-let the transgressor out of your trap with his tricky puss in one piece. Then resolve never to gaze upon it again. EXAMPLE: A rich lady spotted someone stealing one of her belongings. She reached into her pocket and removed one of her expensive eggs from the thief's pocket and said "Oh I'm so happy you were admiring my Faberge collection," while sliding her hand into the pocket of the guest's mink coat and plucking out one of her priceless eggs. "You must have wanted to see this one in the sunlight. Come, let us look at it together. It does reflect the bright light beautifully.
#9 WATCH THE SCENE BEFORE YOU MAKE THE SCENE
TECHNIQUE #9 WATCH THE SCENE BEFORE YOU MAKE THE SCENE Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody. Then it all happens automatically. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 42). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. Visualization works best when you feel totally relaxed. Only when you have a calm state of mind can you get clear, vivid images. Do your visualization in the quiet of your home or car before leaving for the party, the convention, or the big-deal meeting. See it all in your mind's eye ahead of time. Lowndes, Leil. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 40). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
#91 LEAD THE LISTENERS
TECHNIQUE #91 LEAD THE LISTENERS No matter how prominent the big cat behind the podium is, crouched inside is a little scaredy-cat who is anxious about the crowd's acceptance. Big winners recognize you're a fellow big winner when they see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with ( or want favors from).
#92 THE GREAT SCORE CARD IN THE SKY
TECHNIQUE #92 THE GREAT SCORE CARD IN THE SKY Any two people have an invisible scorecard hovering above their heads. The numbers continually fluctuate, but one rule remains: player with lower score pays deference to player with high score. The penalty for not keeping your eye on the Great Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of the game. Permanently. When you mess up, you have to even your score by doing more for the one who didn't. To keep love alive, keep your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky.
