BSL324 Getting Past No
Using your BATNA
... defuses their reaction. step way, so they don't irrationally fight back (minimum power and legitimate means)
Negotiating the rules
Bring up tactics you see, negotiate about the negotiation ("could I do this...")
Tapping the third force
Building a coalition (ours and theirs), use third parties to prevent attacks, third parties to promote negotiation,
Greatest opportunity as a negotiator?
Change the game
Standards
Come up with a fair way to judge criteria, market rates, science, costs, precedents, etc
Options
Creating options for mutual gain, invent first, evaluate later
Reframe
Accept what they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem
Acknowledge the person
Acknowledge their authority/competence, build a working relationship
Acknowledging their point
Acknowledge their feelings, offer an apology, project confidence
Agreeing when you can
Agree without conceding, accumulate "yeses", use their wavelength/their communication style,
Exposing tricks
Ask clarifying questions, make reasonable requests, turn trick to advantage
Involving the other side
Ask for their ideas, criticism, offer them a choice
How to reframe their position
Ask problem-solving questions
Teach them consequences
Ask reality-testing questions, warn, don't threaten, show BATNA,
Use Power to educate
If they play the power game, show them that they cannot win along, only together
The Breakthrough Strategy
Indirect action zig-zagging by not playing by their rules. Only they can break through their resistance, you just help them do it.
Mapping the way to an agreement
Interests, options, standards, alternatives, proposals
Alternatives
Know BATNA and alternatives going in for you and them
How can you suspend natural reactions?
Naming the tactics used against you
Main obstacles to agreement
Not their idea, unmet interests, losing face, too much too fast
Naming the tactics used against you
Obstructive (stone wall), offensive (attacks), deceptive (tricks)
Deflect attacks
ignore, frame as attack on problem, frame personal attacks as friendly, frame past wrongs to future remedies, frame to "we"
Go around stone walls
ignore, reinterpret as an aspiration, test the stone wall,
Power paradox
The harder it is for them to say no, the harder it is for them to say yes
Propsals
A possible agreement you are ready to say yes to (aspiration, content, living with proposals)
Step to their side
Diffuse negative emotion by acknowledging them
Satisfying unmet interests
Don't dismiss as irrational, don't overlook human needs, don't assume fixed pie (look for low-cost trades, use if-then formula)
Express your views
Don't say "but," say "yes, and", make "I" statements, stand up for yourself, be optimistic about differences,
Overcoming power paradox
Easier to say yes, harder to say no, show them golden bridge is better than BATNA
Some tricks
False data, no authority, add-on demands
The turning point
From positional bargaining to joint problem solving moment
How to listen actively
Give the other side a hearing, paraphrase and ask for corrections,
Dealing with their tactics
Go around stone walls, deflect attacks, exposing tricks
Saving face
Help them back away w/o backing down (circumstances, 3rd party recommendation, standards of fairness), help them w victory speech,
How to buy time
Pause, Rewind the tape, Time-outs, Don't make important decisions on the spot,
Going to the balcony
Regaining mental balance and staying focused
Sharpening their choice
Show them the way out, let them choose, choose negotiation over winning,
Joint Problem Solving
Soft on people, hard on the problem, based on interests
Going slow to go fast
Step by step, don't ask for final commitment until the end, don't rush at the finish
Your reaction
Striking back or stepping away, can be solved by going to the balcony
The three natural reactions
Striking back, Giving in, Breaking off
Negotiation
The process of back and forth communication aimed at reaching agreement when some interests are shared and others are opposed
Prevents people from reaching an agreement...
Their dissatisfaction, their power
Prevents people from facing the problem...
Their position
Their position
They don't want to give in so they dig in, can be solved by reframing the problem
Their dissatisfaction
They might not see any benefit in a mutual outcome, can be solved by building them a golden bridge
Their power
They see it as a win-lose, don't see any reason to cooperate, can be solved by using power to educate
Forging lasting agreements
Think implementation (minimize risks, build in dispute resolution procedure), reaffirm the relationship,
Interests
What each side wants and needs
Build a golden bridge
When they are unconvinced, help them save face and give them an offer they can't refuse
Prevents people sitting side by side...
Your reaction, their emotion
Barriers to cooperation
Your reaction, their emotion, their position, their dissatisfaction, their power
Power of positive perception
ability to put a problem solving frame around whatever the other person says
The two negotiations
substance and the rules of the game
Ask problem-solving questions
why, why not, if, their advice, what makes that fair, use silence