BSL324 Getting Past No

Using your BATNA

... defuses their reaction. step way, so they don't irrationally fight back (minimum power and legitimate means)

Negotiating the rules

Bring up tactics you see, negotiate about the negotiation ("could I do this...")

Tapping the third force

Building a coalition (ours and theirs), use third parties to prevent attacks, third parties to promote negotiation,

Greatest opportunity as a negotiator?

Change the game

Standards

Come up with a fair way to judge criteria, market rates, science, costs, precedents, etc

Options

Creating options for mutual gain, invent first, evaluate later

Reframe

Accept what they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem

Acknowledge the person

Acknowledge their authority/competence, build a working relationship

Acknowledging their point

Acknowledge their feelings, offer an apology, project confidence

Agreeing when you can

Agree without conceding, accumulate "yeses", use their wavelength/their communication style,

Exposing tricks

Ask clarifying questions, make reasonable requests, turn trick to advantage

Involving the other side

Ask for their ideas, criticism, offer them a choice

How to reframe their position

Ask problem-solving questions

Teach them consequences

Ask reality-testing questions, warn, don't threaten, show BATNA,

Use Power to educate

If they play the power game, show them that they cannot win along, only together

The Breakthrough Strategy

Indirect action zig-zagging by not playing by their rules. Only they can break through their resistance, you just help them do it.

Mapping the way to an agreement

Interests, options, standards, alternatives, proposals

Alternatives

Know BATNA and alternatives going in for you and them

How can you suspend natural reactions?

Naming the tactics used against you

Main obstacles to agreement

Not their idea, unmet interests, losing face, too much too fast

Naming the tactics used against you

Obstructive (stone wall), offensive (attacks), deceptive (tricks)

Deflect attacks

ignore, frame as attack on problem, frame personal attacks as friendly, frame past wrongs to future remedies, frame to "we"

Go around stone walls

ignore, reinterpret as an aspiration, test the stone wall,

Power paradox

The harder it is for them to say no, the harder it is for them to say yes

Propsals

A possible agreement you are ready to say yes to (aspiration, content, living with proposals)

Step to their side

Diffuse negative emotion by acknowledging them

Satisfying unmet interests

Don't dismiss as irrational, don't overlook human needs, don't assume fixed pie (look for low-cost trades, use if-then formula)

Express your views

Don't say "but," say "yes, and", make "I" statements, stand up for yourself, be optimistic about differences,

Overcoming power paradox

Easier to say yes, harder to say no, show them golden bridge is better than BATNA

Some tricks

False data, no authority, add-on demands

The turning point

From positional bargaining to joint problem solving moment

How to listen actively

Give the other side a hearing, paraphrase and ask for corrections,

Dealing with their tactics

Go around stone walls, deflect attacks, exposing tricks

Saving face

Help them back away w/o backing down (circumstances, 3rd party recommendation, standards of fairness), help them w victory speech,

How to buy time

Pause, Rewind the tape, Time-outs, Don't make important decisions on the spot,

Going to the balcony

Regaining mental balance and staying focused

Sharpening their choice

Show them the way out, let them choose, choose negotiation over winning,

Joint Problem Solving

Soft on people, hard on the problem, based on interests

Going slow to go fast

Step by step, don't ask for final commitment until the end, don't rush at the finish

Your reaction

Striking back or stepping away, can be solved by going to the balcony

The three natural reactions

Striking back, Giving in, Breaking off

Negotiation

The process of back and forth communication aimed at reaching agreement when some interests are shared and others are opposed

Prevents people from reaching an agreement...

Their dissatisfaction, their power

Prevents people from facing the problem...

Their position

Their position

They don't want to give in so they dig in, can be solved by reframing the problem

Their dissatisfaction

They might not see any benefit in a mutual outcome, can be solved by building them a golden bridge

Their power

They see it as a win-lose, don't see any reason to cooperate, can be solved by using power to educate

Forging lasting agreements

Think implementation (minimize risks, build in dispute resolution procedure), reaffirm the relationship,

Interests

What each side wants and needs

Build a golden bridge

When they are unconvinced, help them save face and give them an offer they can't refuse

Prevents people sitting side by side...

Your reaction, their emotion

Barriers to cooperation

Your reaction, their emotion, their position, their dissatisfaction, their power

Power of positive perception

ability to put a problem solving frame around whatever the other person says

The two negotiations

substance and the rules of the game

Ask problem-solving questions

why, why not, if, their advice, what makes that fair, use silence