Exam Four

What is equity theory, and how does it differ from social exchange theory?

Equity Theory- uses the idea of social exchange but goes a step further and claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which that ratio of your rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partners'. Each party derives rewards that are proportional to the costs they each pay. If you contribute more toward the relationship than your partner, the equality requires that you should get greater rewards. Inequality exists in a realationship if you pay more of the cost (you do more of the unpleasant tasks), but your partner enjoys more of the rewards.

Be able to distinguish between face-attacking strategies (including beltline and blame) and face-enhancing strategies.

Face attacking strategies are those that attack a person's positive face - for example, comments that criticize the person's contribution to a relationship or abilities.) or a person's negative face-for ex. making demands on a person's time or resources... *Face enhancing strategies are those that ssupport and confirm a person's positive(praise, a pat on the back) A Destructive face -attacking strategy is beltlining-when yo hit below this emotional beltline, you can inflict serious injury. *Blame focuses on a solution to a problem, some members try to affix blame on the other person. Whether true or not blmming is unporductive it diverts attention away from the problem and from its potential solutionl and it creats resentment.

Family rules are concerned with what 3 main interpersonal communication issues (satir, 83)?

Family rules are concerned with 3 main issues: 1)what can you talk about. Can you talk about the family finances? Grandpa's drinking? Your sister's lifestyle? 2)How you can talk about somthing. Can you joke about your brother's disability? Can you address directly questions of family history? 3)To whom can you talk. Can you talk openly to extensed family members. can you talk to close neighbors about family health issues.

What factors will influence the strategies you choose to manage conflict?

First however, realize that the strategies yo choose will be influenced by a variety of factors, such as 1)the goals to be achieved.2) your emotional state.3)your cognitive assessment of the situation. 4) your personality and communication competence, and 5) your family history. (p.297)

2 Theories of relational Management rules of Theory Relational Dialectics

Friendship and love are held together by adherence to certain rules Relational Dialectics ( Romantic relationships face constant tension as individuals try manage contradictory forces at work within them and the relationship

What 3 suggestions does the author make to "set the stage" for managing a conflict?

(292) First try to fight in private. If the conflict takes place on some social media site, try to fight offline. when yo air your conflicts in front of others you create a variety of other problems. Be sure you are ready to fight. Although conflicts arise at the most inopportune times, you can choose the time to resolve them. Fight about problems that can be solved. Fighting about past behaviors or about family members or situations over wich you have no control solves nothing.

How does verbal aggressiveness differ from argumentiveness, and what suggestions does the author make for cultivating argumentativeness?

*Verbal aggressiveness is a n unproductive conflict strategy in which one person tries to win an argument by inflicting psychological pain and attacking the other person's self - concept. It is a type of disconfirmation- in that it seeks to discredit the individual view of self-aggressiveness.(p. 301) *Argumentativeness- contrary to popular usage, the term refers to quality to be cultivated rather than avoided. Argumentativeness is your willingness to argue for a point of view your tendency to speak your mind on significant issues. It's the preferred alternative to verbal aggressiveness. **Among the distinguishing characteristics of argumentativeness that separate it from aggressiveness are that it- is constructive ; the outcomes are positive I a variety of communication situations ( (interpersonal group organizational, family, and intercultural.)--It also leads to relationship satisfaction. Strategies for cultivating argumentativeness- *Treat disagreements as objectively as possible *Void attacking the other person even if this would give you a tactical advantage. *reaffirm the other person's sense of competence. *Avoid interrupting *Stress equality and stress the similarities that you have with the other person *Express interest in the other person's position, attitude, and point of view. *Avoid presenting your arguments to emotionally. *Allow the others person to save face.

What suggestions does the author make to more effectively talk and listen in a conflict situation (as an alternative to using force)?

*act the role of the listener. Also, think as a listener. Turn off the tv , stereo or computer. face the other person. Devote our total attention to what the other person is saying. Make sure you understand what the person is saying and feeling. *Express your support or empathy for what the other person is saying and feeling. I can understand how you feel. I know I control the finances and that can create a feeling of inequality. *State your thoughts and feelings on the issue as objectively as you can; if you disagree with what the other person said, then say so: My problem is that when we did have equal access to the finances, you ran up so many bills that we still haven't recovered.

What did Kerdek find to be the 6 Major conflict-generating issues for couples?

*intimacy issues, such as affection and sex.*power issues, such as excessive demands or possessiveness, lack of equality in the relationship, friends, and leisure time. *personal flaws issues, such as drinking or smoking, personal grooming , and driving style.* personal distance issues, such as frequent absence and heavy school or job commitments. *social issues, such as politics and social policies, parents, parents, and personal values.*distrust issues, such as previous lovers and lying.

What are the 8 major romantic rules as identified by Baxter (86)

1) recognize that each has a life beyond the relationship 2)have and express similar attitudes and interests 3)reinforce each other's self-esteem 4)be real:open and genuine 5)be faithful to each other 6)spend substantial time together 7)obtain rewards commensurate with your investment compared to the other party 8)experiece an inexplicable magic when togther

Know and understand what characterizes each of the 6 stages of interpersonal relationships development, as well as the early and late phases of each stage.

1)Contact- initial stage perceptual contact -you see , hear, read a message from , view a photo or video, read a profile or a smell of someone. Interactional contact-This is the stage a which ou exchange basic info. that is preliminary to any more intense involvement. friend request- 2. Involvement - initial phase is testing goes on. you initial judgement proves reasonable. So you may ask questions Where do you work?/ Intensifying/intimacy with your partner, give your partner tokens of affections such as gifts, cards or flower increase your own personal attractiveness do things that suggest intensifying. 3. Intimacy- this stage usually divides itself into 2 phases. Interpersonal communication the 2 people commit themselves to each other in a private way. In social bonding phase, the commitment is made public- perhaps to family and friends. In this phase, you become a unit. 4. Deterioration - weakening of the bonds between friends or lovers. The first phase of deterioration is usually intrapersonal dissatisfaction with everyday interactions. If this dissatisfaction grows, you pass to the second phase interpersonal deterioration you withdraw and grow further apart. -after step 4 it either goes to repair or dissolution 5. Repair-At the first repair phase -intrapersonal repair- yo may analyze what went wrong and consider ways of solving your relational difficulties and consider changing behaviors. Interpersonal repair phase - you might talk about problems i the relationship, the changes yo want to see and perhaps what you are willing to do. 6. Dissolution the bonds between the individulas are broken. Dissolution usially takes the form of interpersonal separation, in which you may ove into separate apartments and begin to lead lives apart from each other. Social or public separation. if the relationship is a marriage this pase corresponds to divorce. Avoidance of each other and a reurn to being single are among the primary characteristics of dissolution.

Social Validating

If you can make people believe that many others have done what your requesting.

Linking

If you make yourself likable, You will find it easier to gain compliance

Deterioration

: This stage is characterized by weakening bonds between partners

Conflict styles in stable relationships

1.Validating Style: These partners generally start by listening, try to keep emotions in check 2. Avoident STYLE: These partners try to avoid conflict, view most disagreements as minor, don't get emotions. 3Colatile Style: These partners may yell and scream one moment then laugh and tease the next, don't control their emotions.

The 3 Basic Dialectic of relationships

1: Autonomy VS. Connection: The desire to be intimately connected to another person but also to remain an autonomous individual with ones Independent Identity intact 2: 2- Novelty vs predictability (Newness VS. Adventure on the one havd as well as sameness and Pamilarityon the other 3: Openness vs closeness that desires to be transparent and vulnerable to increase intimacy as well as to keeo personal secrets hidden and maintain Bravery in order to protect oneself

4 Keys to negotiating interpersonal Conflict

1: Distinguish between the person and the problem; How can we affirm each other while we attack the problem 2: Emphasize interest, not positions: Why do we each want what we want 3: Assess you BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated plan B), What my next best option if we cant come to some mutual agreement 4: Look for objective criteria to help you decide, What objectives standards or resources can we use to reach a fair income

The 8 Suggestion for increasing Interpersonal Power

1: Look for the ICEBERG 2:Use Interpersonal Jujutsu (understand first, then be understood) 3: Find a better story to join 4: Rish More 5:Envision the End (reflect, give more to outline who you are. 6: Watch your Bandaries (Burdens - curshing overwhelming weight compared to Load - Manageable weight like a back pack) 7: Own your stuff Your Thoughts, Your feelings, Your words, Your behavior 8: Preserver (keep trying and never give up

Resisting Power (4 ways of resisting other's)

1: Negothation: You attaemp to accommodate the other and to compirmise to meet the request halfway 2:None Negotiation: You simply state your refusal without any qualification "no" 3: Justification: You resists compliance by offereing reasons why you should nu comply Positive : I think you will really enjoy writing this paper Negative: I'm afraid we will get Caught Identity Management: You resist by trying to manipulate the Image of the person making the request Negative: you try to portray the person as unfair or unreasonable Positive: you try to make the other person feel good about him/herself,

Be familiar with the ajor types of power plays the author discusses, as well as the suggestions he offers for responding to them.

3 choices for dealing with power plays *Ignore it- this is the strategy that many people use simply to avoid an argument or confrontation. *Neutralize it- in this strategy you confront the behavior as if it's an isolated instance; yo ignore the fact that this behavior is repeated frequently and has become a pattern. *Cooperate- this strategy you confront the power play as a pattern of behavior and seek to accomplish 3 things:1 express your feelings 2) describe the behavior to which you object. 3)state a cooperative response that you both can live with comfortably. Major types of power play: *nobody upstairs- in this power play the individual refuse to acknowledge your request, regardless of how or how many times you make it. One common form is the refusal to take no for an answer. Sometimes nobody upstairs takes the form of pleading ignorance **A cooperative response to nobody upstairs might go "I'm angry that you persist in reading my e-mail . You've opened my mailbox 4 times this week. *You Owe Me- others unilaterally do something for you and then demand something in return. The remind you of what they did for you and use this to get ou to do what they want. **Cooperative response "I'm angry that you're doing tis to me (feelings). I'm disturbed that when you want me to do something ou start by reminding me of my obligation to ou.Please don't do things for me and expect something in return. *YOUGOTTOBEKIDDING one person attacks the other by saying this phrase or some similar phrase not out of surprise but out of a desire to put you ideas down "you can't be serious." **in response you might say " I'm annoyed and feel like an idiot (feeling) when you say thing like "you can't be serious or you've got to be kidding me when I offer an opinion (statement of behavior to which you object.) *Metaphor- is a power play that is sometimes difficult to identify as a power maneuver. For example, consider the situation in which one member of a group is going out with someone another member doesn't like and responds with a comment as " how can you go out with her she's a real dog" **the 3 part cooperative strategy to metaphor might go something like this : "I resent your calling Pat a pig. I'm very attracted to Pat and think we have a good thing together. You use this term repeatedly. *Thought Stopper is a power play designed to stop your thinking and especially stop you from expressing your thoughts

Authority

: If you can get others to see as authoritative

Comitment:

: If your can get people to make an initial commitment, they're more likely to make subsequent comments

What are social allergens?

A social allergen is a personal habit of a friend or romantic partner that you find, say , annoying, unpleasant, distasteful, impolite, inconsiderate, uncouth or just plain bothersome. Each person, of couses will have his or her own list of what constitutes social allergens.

Be familiar with the commonly accepted advantages and disadvantages of interpersonal relationships.

Advantages: 1) relationships help to lessen loneliness. 2) contact with others you learn about yourself and see yourself from different perspective and in different roles-child, coworker.(self knowledge/self esteem)3) enhances physical and emotional health. 4) relationships maximize pleasure and minimizes pain. 5) It helps to secure stimulations(intellectual, physical, and emotional) Disadvantages: 1)It puts uncomfortable pressure on me to expose my vulnerabilities. 2)Relationships increase obligations. 3) They prevent me from developing other relationships for example having to give up a relationship because you partner doesn't like them. 4)Relationships scare me because they may be difficult to dissolve the closer you get 5) relationships hurt me - breakups etc.

Dissolution:

At this stage, the relational bonds between partners are broken

What is attraction theory, and what are the 6 major factors that contribute to attraction?

Attraction theory is that people form relationships with those they consider attractive. The 6 major factors that contribute to attraction are similarity, proximity, reinforcement, Physical attractiveness and personality, socioeconomic and educational status, and reciprocity of liking (tend to be attracted to people who are attracted to you).

Be thoroughly familiar with avoidance (including demand-withdrawal, non-negotiation and silencers) and active fighting strategies.

Avoidance- of conflict may involve actual physical flight, for example leaving the scene. Demand withdrawal- avoidance is a response to demands. Here one person makes demands and the other person unwilling to accede to the demands withdraws from the interaction. Nonnegotiation - is a special type of avoidance. Here you refuse to direct any attention to managing the conflict or to listen to the other person's argument. At times nonnegotiating takes the form of hammering away at your own point of view until the other person gives up. Silencers are conflict techniques that literally silence the other individual. Among the wide variety of silencers that exist , one frequently used technique is crying.

Ways of Comparing you profit margin

Comparison levels - comparing what I get with what I think I should get Comparison level for alternatives - Comparing what I get with what I think I could get in another relationship

Principle 3: Personal power depends upon Credibility which is largely based on Credibility and Perception

Competence: The extent to which you are seen by others to be someone who knows what ther are doing in relevant areas. Character: the extent to which you are seen as being trustworthy, having a moral substance and Integrity, good intensions Charism: The extent to which your personality and communication are seen as dynamic, emotionally engaging, Confident, warm and likable.

5 Conflict Styles:

Competing (I win you lose) Collaborating (I win you Win) Accommodating (I lose, You win Avoiding, I lose, you lose Compromising (I win and lose, you win and lose

Be able to distinguish between Black and Mounton's 5 conflict styles?

Competing- I win, you lose. The competing style represents great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others. Avoiding- I lose, you win. Using the avoiding style suggests that yo are relatively unconcerned with your own o or with the other's needs desires. Accommodating- I lose, You win-IN the accommodating style. you sacrifice your own needs for the sake of the needs of the other person. Collaborating- I win, you win. in the collaborating style. your concern is with both your own and the other person's needs. Compromising-I win, and lose, you win and lose. The compromising styles is in the middle; there's some concerns for your own needs and some concern for the other's needs.

Compliance Gaining Strategies:

Compliance Gaining Strategies: 6 part system of compliance gaining strategies. Perciprocation: If you can show that you already did someone a favor

Be thoroughly familiar with the 6-part system of compliance gaining strategies ( Kenrick, Neuberg and Cialdini, '07 found in box page 318)

Compliance-gaining strategies *Reciprocation- if you can show that you did someone a similar favor, it is easier to get that person to comply with your request now. *Commitment-if yo can get people to make an initial commitment, they're more likely to make subsequent commitments. *authority- if you can get others to see you as authoritative,you're that much closer to gaining compliance. *Social validation-i f you can make people believe that many others have done what you're requesting , they are more likely to follow. *Scarcity- if you can make people believe that what you are selling say if scarce or rate , they'll be more apt to buy it. *Liking- if you can make yourself likeable, you'll find it easier to gain compliance'; after all, everyone is more apt to do what a friend requests that what an enemy requests.

Relational Stages: Contact, 2

Contact : Interactional contact

What is the difference between content and relationship conflicts?

Content conflict centers on objects, events, and persons in the world that are usually external to the people involved in the conflict. These include the millions of issues that you argue and fight about every day-the merits of a particular movie what to watch on TV. Relationship conflicts are equally numerous and are concerned with the relationship between the individuals- with issues such as who's in charge, the equality or lack of it in the relationship, and who has the right to establish rules of behavior.

Integrative Bargaining Techniques: Methods

Cost cutting : one gets what the want and then reduces the other pain (paying more) None specific compensation: One gets what they want and repays the other in a unrelated coin Expand the Pie: Increase the number of resources available (extra roommate) Log rolling: Each gives in on lower prioirities met in one of the original optinons discussed Bridging: Neither get Initial demands positional but both get High priorities met in a brand new option

How are cridibility and power related, and what 3 aspects of credibility are discussed by the author?

Credibility: is the degree to which other people regard you as beleivable and therefore worth following. The three qualities of credibility are: your perceived competence, character, and charisma. Competence: if the knowledge and expertise that others see you as possessing. Character: People see you as credible if they perceive you as being someone of high moral character, someone who is honest, and someone they can trust. Charisma: is a combination of your personality and dynamism as seen by other people.

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

Critisism: Blames the other, usually w/NV expressions of anger Contempt: Feelings/ expressions of anger disgust that insult, Ridicule and belittle the other Defensiveness: Typical response to the above, which leads to hostility and escalating negativity Stonewalling: One of both shut down and withdraw from the conflict, Eliminates the possibility of repairing the Damage done.

In what ways do cultures differ in terms of conflict, according to the author?

Culture influences the topics people fight about as well as what are considered appropriately and inappropriately ways of dealing with conflict. *Culture also differ in how they define what constitues conflict.

3 Types of lines

Cute flippant openers: humorous, indirect and ambiguous as Whether speaker , least preferred of both men and women, Innocuous openers: Highly ambiguous comments that might be made to anyone regardless of interests in generating an encounter (do you know how to work this machine) both prefer this method

In defining a conflict, what techniques does the author suggest that you keep in mind?

Define both content and relationship issues. Define the obvious content issues ( who should do the dishes, who should take the kids to school) as well as underlying relationship issues.(who has been avoiding household responsibilities who's time is more valuable) *Define the problem in specific terms. Confilct defined in the abstract is difficult to deal with and resolve. It's one thing for a a husband to say that his wife is "cold and unfeeling" and quite another to say that she does not call him at the office , kiss him.. *Focus on the present. Avoid gunnysacking ( a term derived from the large burlap bag called a gunnysack)- the practice of storing up grievances so they may be unloaded at another time. *Empathize. Try to understand the nature of the conflict from the other person's point of view. Why is your partner disturbed that your're not doing the dishes? *Avoid mind reading. Don't try to read the other person's mind . Ask questions to make sure you understand the problem as the other person is experiencing it.

Most common Strategies for coping with tensions

Denial: Continually pursuing one extreme of a dialectic while ignoring the Spiraling inversion: pursuing one extre now the othes extreme letter (in other words alternating over time 3:Seymentation: This metalizing Uncle Evans Longitudinal mode,

What is depenetration, and what are examples?

Depenetration- the process when the relationship begins to deteriorate, the breadth and depth, in many ways, reverse themselves. Example: while ending a relationship, you might cut out certain topics from your interpersonal communication and discuss remaining topics in less depth. or in some instances of relationship deterioration, both of the breadth and depth may increase. After a breakup the couple may feel free to begin to discuss problems and feelings they would never have discussed when they were together.

Involvement

During this stage, a sense of Mutuality of connection develops

Love languages

Giving and receiving gifts Spending Quality time together Words of Affirmation Acts of service Physical Touch

What communication patterns tend to be seen during relational deterioration?

Here are some communication patterns that are seen during relationship deteriorations: withdrawl, decline in self-disclosure, deception, decrease in positive messages, and an increase in negative messages.

What suggestions does DeVito give for dealing with a breakup?

Here is a few suggestions to ease the difficulty of the breakup. 1)Break the loneliness-depression cycle- be active with friends 2)Take time out- resist the temptation to jump into a new relationship. 3)Bolster your self-esteem- when relationships fail, self-esteem often declines. 4)Remove or avoid uncomfortable relationship symbols- remove all reminders of the relationship (don't throw them out just remove them from sight) and avoid places you frequented together. 5) Become Mindful of your own relationship patterns- avodi repeating negitive patterns.

What did Samter and Cupach find to be the 4 issues most argued about among same-sex and opposite sex friends?

In the Study of same-sex and opposite-sex friends, the four issues most often argued about were shared living space or possessions, violations of friendship rules, the sharing of activities, and disagreements about ideas.

Intimacy

In this stage, you establish some kind of relational commitment with the other. The Quality and Quantity of you interpersonal exchanges increase, you talk more about the relationship Interpersonal Commitment: The two commit themselves to each other in a personal or private way Social Bonding: The 2 make their commitment public, tell friend, family, gets married

Dissolution_02

Interpersonal Separations: This phase begins when one or both partners say its over, Partners begin to live separate lives, and Partners may begin to feel closer towards the relationship Social/Public Separation: This is when you go public with the split, partners go back to their single labels, each begin constructing life Autonomously. Dandelion: Managing conflict is like pulling weedsDissolution:

How does the author define interpersonal conflict?

Interpersonal conflict is disagreement between or among connected individuals- friends, lovers, colleagues, family members- who perceive their goal as incompatible.

Know and understand the 6 suggestions for engaging in interpersonal relationship repair.

Interpersonal repair- how to repair a relationship. 1)recognize the problem: your first step is to identify the problem and recognize it both intellectually and emotionally. 2)Engage n productive communication and conflict resolution ( interpersonal communication skills like openness, confidence, immediacy, expressiveness, and empathy) are especially important during repair. 3)Pose Possible Solutions: after problem is identified, discuss solutions. 4) Affirm Each Other: relationship repair should have incorporate supportiveness and positive evaluations.

Deterioration_02

Intrapersonal Dissatisfaction (Novelty has been wearing off, differences seem more obvious, feeling trapped and confined, growing despairity about the future of the relationship Interpersonal Deterioration: Partners move back towards small talk with fewer self disclosures, Conflicts increase and are harder to resolve, partners share less time and physical contact

Repair_02

Intrapersonal repair: You look at the problems and come up with strategies to improve things, changing patters expectations of your partner, if you want in then you really commit to the relationship Interpersonal Repair: You discuss problems and possible solutions with your partner, as well as changes you want to see, you negotiate new agreements, new behaviors, new ways of seeing the relation ship. In this stage you might seek out help or advice from friends, family or professional Counseling.

Infatuation

Is most likely here (happy hormones are surging) as a result, perceptual objectivity can be pretty low in this phase

Principle 1: 6 key things for relational power:

Legitimate power : the extent of which others think you have the right or authority to control or influence them by virtue of a role or position you have (MOM) Rewards: Your ability to give other something that want Coercive power: Your ability to administer punishment to, or withhold rewards from others (bully, lunch money) Expert Power: Your knowledge or competence in a specific area that others need Information / Persuasion Power: Your ability to communicate logically and persauasivly Referent: The extent to which you are a person with whom others wan to be Identified, to be liked or to e around (Siblings)

Dandelion

Managing conflict is like pulling weeds Visible Conflict (Temporary, surface issue) Underlying roots (ongoing deeper issues)

How does movement betweeen the relational stages usually take place?

Movement among stages is a result of our interpersonal interactions. 3 general kinds of movement are stage movement, relationship turning points, and relationship license. 1)Stage movement: the exit arrows (shows there is always an opportunity to exit the relationship), the vertical arrows (you moved to another stage in the relationship either more or less intense), and the self-reflexive arrows (the arrows that return to the beginning of the same level or stage which signifies that any relationship may become stabilized at any point. 2)Turning points: gradual movement of relationships marked by significant relationship events that have important consequences. 3) The relationship license: the license or permission to break some relationship rule as a result of your relationship stage. example at the intimacy stage you may be able to taste each other's food in a restaurant or may fix each other's clothing of pat each other on the rear. These would be violations of rules as casual acquaintances.

What myths about conflict does the author mention?

Myths about interpersonal conflict: (all listed can easily interfere with your dealing effectively with conflict) 1)Avoiding confilct prevents differences and disagreements from ever getting resolved. 2)Conflicts is inevitable; conflict is a signof disagreement, not necessarilymajor relationship problems. 3) Conflict, when it is appropriately managed, can actually improve a relationship. 4)Conflict can be constructive, especially when both individuals approach it logically and with consideration for each other. 5) Conflict does not mean that someone has to lose and someone has to win. both can win.

What negitive and positive effects of interpersonal conflict does the author discuss?

Negative effects- among the disadvantages of conflict is that it often lead to increased negative feelings. Many conflicts involve unfair fighting methods and focus largely on hurting the other person. If this happens, negative feelings are sure to increase. Positive effects- among the advantages of conflict is that it forces you to examine a problemand work toward a potential solution. If you use productvie conflict starategies, your relationship is likely to become stronger , healthier, adn more satisfying than it was before.

Know and understand the 4 principle ways of compliance resisting(McLaughlin, Cody and Robey, '80, etc)

Negotiation- you attempt to accommodate to each other or to compromise in some way. In using this strategy to resist complying, you might, for example, offer to meet the request halfway in a kind of compromise. Nonnegotiation- you resist compliance without any attempt to compromise; you simply state your refusal to do as asked without any qualifications. Justification-you resist compliance by giving reasons why you should not comply. ou offer some kind of justification for not doing as requested. Identity management- yo resist by trying to manipulate the image of the person making the request. you do this by negatively and positively. *Negative identity management- you might portray the person as unreasonable or unfair . *Positive identity management- you resist complying by making the other person feel good about him/herself.

Interactional contact

Nonverbal cues may start things off in this second phase of contact: smile eyebrow flash, nod. Verbal communication follows - starting with opening refrernces or opening lines, giving way to relatively superficial or safe small talk.

Contact :

Perceptual contact (During ths first phase, you see including seeing, hear from or even smell the other - sounds good, somethimes, though you becomen aware of them

Attraction Theory

Physical Attractiveness and Personality appeal Proximity Similarity Complementarity Social and economic educational status Reciprocity of liking Reinforcement (reward us)

What is politeness theory?

Politeness theory- an approach to relationships that sees politeness as a major force. it would look something like this: Two people develop a relationship when each respects, contributes to, and acknowledges the positive and negative face of the other; the same relationship deteriorates if it doesn't.

Principles of Power

Power is the ability of one person to influence what another person thinks or does.

What is power, according to the author?

Power is the ability of one person to influence what another person thinks or does.

How does the author distinguish between powerful listeners from those who listen without power?

Powerful listeners demonstrate the power by listening *Listen actively *Respond visibly but in moderation *Give back-channeling cues(nods head) *Maintain more focused eye contact *Use few or no adaptors *Maintain an open posture(don't cover abdomen or face. *Avoid interrupting the speaker in conversation or in small groups Listen without power *Listen passively- appear to be thinking about something else. *Respond with too little or too much reaction *Give no back channeling cues- speaker wonders if they are listening. *Make little eye contact *Use adaptors- playing with hair or pencil *Maintain a defensive posture- crossing arms *Complete the speaker's thoughts- violates conversational politeness.

Be familiar with each of the following principles of power in interpersonal relationships: 1) some people are more powerful than others: 2) power can be shared 3)power can be increased or decreased; 4)power follows the principle of less interest; 5)power generates privilege; 6) power has a cultural dimension

Pronciples of power: 1)Some people are more powerful than others:Power is Asymmetrical if one person has greater power, the other must have less. In any area whether physically or financially. Example: some people are born into power like kings. 2)Power can be shared: Some would argue that power should be guarded and that sharing it can dilute your own power. Another position would argue that by sharing your power, by empowering others, you actually grow in power. 3)Power can be increased through power priming:imagining a time you were powerful will help give you confidence and help you come across as more persuasive. Power can also be decreased like when someone tries to control someone's behavior unsuccessfully. example: the person threatens you with punishment but fails to follow through loses power. 4)The principle of less interest:In any interpersonal relationship the person who holds the power is the one less interested in and less dependent on the rewards and punishment controlled by the other person. example: Pat can walk away from the rewards and can suffer the punishments Chris can mete out, Pat controls the relationship. 5)Power generates privilege: when one person has power over another person, the person with power is generally assumed to have certain privileges many of which are communication privileges and greater is the licence of the more powerful individuals. Example: a supervisor or boss can enter a subordinate's office, but a subordinate can't. 6) Power has a cultural dimension: cultures differ in the amount of power distance of discrepancy that exists between people and the attitudes that people have about power, its legitimacy, and its desirability. Example: in some cultures men have greater power, and women are expected to recognize this and abide by its implications.

Be familiar with the types of harrassent discussed in table 12.3

Race and color harassment- harassment of another person because of that person's race or color , most often applied to minority and immigrant groups. Affectional orientation harassment- harassment based on a person's affectional orientation -gay Religious harassment-(creed harassment)- based on a person's religious affiliation or religious beliefs often directed at atheists. Status harassment- harassment in the organizational setting generally directed by those with power against those with less power- workers by managers. Disability harassment- harassment against person with disability most often directed at persons with visual or hearing impairment or physical , speech, or lang. disability. Attractiveness harassment-harassment directed at people low in attractiveness often against persons because of their weight. Citizenship harassment- harassment based on a person's citizenship - generally directed against a person who is not a citizen. Veteran harassment- harassment based on a person veteran status used both against those who are vets and those who are not.

How is sexual harassment defined, and what are the 2 general categories of sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment -unwelcome sexual advances requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment , unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance. Two general categories :quid pro quo(something for something) and the creation of a hostile environment. harassment.

What questions and suggestions does the author provide to help someone recognize, avoid and respond to sexual harassment?

Recognizing sexual harassment- 1) is it real? Does this behavior have the meanings it seems to have? 2. Is it job-related? Does this behavior have something to do with or will it influence the way you do your job? 3. Did you reject this behavior? Did you make your rejection of unwanted messages clear to the other person? 4. Have these types of messages persisted? Is there a pattern, a consistency to these messages? Avoiding Sexual Harassment behaviors 1. Begin with the assumption that coworkers are not interested in you sexually 2. Listen and watch for negative reaction to any sex-related discussion. 3.Avoid saying or doing anything that you think your parent, partner or child would find offensive in the behavior of someone with whom she or he worked. Responding to sexual harassment 1. Talk to the harasser- tell the person assertively that you do not welcome the behavior and that you find it offensive. 2 Collect evidence- perhaps seek corroboration from others who have experienced similar harassment at the hands of the same person. 3. Begin with appropriate channels within the organizatin. Most organizations have established channels to deal with such grievances. 4. File a complaint- you'll find a wealth or organizations and government agencies withwhom you can file on the internet.

Relational Dialectics Theory -see notes

Relationships are at constant tension as the individuals try and manage contradictory forces at work within them and the relationship

Be familiar with the fiffering consequences of using reward vs. coercive power, as discussed by the author.

Reward and coercive power are opposite sides of a coin, and the consequences of using them are quite different: 1)Attractiveness: if you have reward power, you're likely to be seen as more attractive. Coercive power decreases attractiveness. 2)Costs: when you use rewards to exert power, you don't ensure- the same costs as when you use punishment. when you exert reward power, you're dealing with a contented and happy individual. when you use coercive power, you must be prepared to ensure anger and hostility, which could be turned against you in the future. 3)Effectiveness: When you give a reward, it signals that you exercised power effectively and that you gained the compliance of the other person. In coercive power when you administer punishment, it shows that you have been ineffective in using the threat of coercive power and that there is no compliance. 4)Effects on other power bases: when you exert coercive power, the other bases of power frequently are diminished. People who exercise coercive power are seen as possessing less expert, legitimate, and referent power. Alternatively, when reward power is exerted, other base of power increase.

Types of opening references

Sean (hi my name is Sean ) Other (Ref: Reference (I think you were in my Spanish class) Relational Could I buy you a cup of commitment Context I love the layout of this room

How does social exchange theory work, and how do comparison levels fit into it ?

Social Exchange theory claims that you develop relationships that enable you to maximize your profits. (Prifits=rewards-costs). When entering into a relationship, you have in mind a comparison level- a general idea of the kinds of rewards and profits that you feel you ought to get out of such a relationship. the comparison level consists of your realistic expectaions concerning what you feel you deserve from this realtionship.

Know and understand Altman and Taylor's social penetration theory, including the nature of breadth and depth as related to degreee of intimacy.

Social Penetration theory - theory on what happens when relationships do develop. It describes relationships in terms of the breadth of a relationship- has to do with how many topics you and your partner talk about, and depth of a relationship- the degree to which you penetrate the inner personality-the core- of the other individual.

Repair

Some Partners, sensing deterioration, will seek to repair things

Be familiar with the suggestions made that help people exert power and influence other verbally, as well as verbal messages that seem to weaken power and influence ( as identified by Guerrero, Andersen, and Afifi, '07,etc.)

Suggestions for exerting power and influence and persuading others: -Direct request is the most common compliance-gaining strategy used by both men and women and is generally the strategy of those in power. (can you get me a cup of coffee) -Bargaining or promising involves agreeing to do something if the other person does something (I'll clean up if you cook) -Ingratiation requires you to act especially kindly; you try to ingratiate yourself so that eventually you'll get what you want. (your such a great cook)[ I don't want to cook tonight] -Manipulation involves making the other person feel guilty or jealous enough to give you what you want. (everyone else has an I-phone) -Threatening involves warning the other person that unpleasant things will happen if you don't get what you want. (I'll leave if you continue smoking) Verbal messages that seem to weaken power and influence: -Hesitation- makes you sound unprepared and uncertain. Intensifiers-to many intensifiers make everything sound the same and don't allow yo to intensify what should be emphasized.Ex. "Really, this was the greatest; it was truly phenomenal" Disqualifiers- signal a lack of competence and a feeling of uncertainty. Ex. I didn't read the entire article, but... Tag questions- ask for another's agreement and therefore may signal you need for agreement and your own uncertainty. Ex. That was a great movie wasn't it? Self-critical statement- signal a lack of confidence and may make public your own inadequacies. Ex. i'm not very good at this" Slang expression and vulgar expressions low social class and hence little power. Ex. "No problem#$^?

Testing,

Testing, Each experiments to learn more about the other. Small risks are taken to figure out how each feels about the other If reciprocated, greater rusk are taken self disclosures, request contact info ask person out on a date.

Know and understand the 4 disengagement strategies identified by Cody (82)

The 4 strategies of disengagement are: 1)Positive tone: is used to preserve the relationship and to express positive feelings for the other person. example"I really do like you but I'm not ready for such an intense relationship. 2)Negative identity management: to blame the other person for the breakup. example I can't stand your jealousy, your constant suspicions. I need my freedom. 3)Justification: To give reasons for the breakup. "I am going away to college for 4 years; there's no point in not dating others." 4)De-escalation: to reduce the intensity of the relationship. aviod and cut down on phone calls, or reduce the amount of time you spend together.

Know and understand each of the 6 types of power ( French and Raven '68, etc) in interpersonal relationships. Be able to identify examples of each.

The 6 types of power are: 1)Referent power:Is to make others wish to be like you and to be identified with you. Example: is the kind of power an older brother may have over a younger brother because the younger brother wants to be like him. 2)Legitimate Power: if others believe you have the right, by virtue of your position, to influence of control their behavior- they'll logically be ready to comply with you requests. Example:Parents are often perceived to have legitimate power over their kids. 3)Expert Power: you have power over others when you are seen as having expertise or knowledge. Example: When you are ill you seek the expertise of a doctor. 4)Information or Persuasion power: when others see you as having the ability to communicate logically and persuasively then you have the power to influence others' attitudes and behavior. Example:politician able to use their power of persuasion to ensure votes. 5)Reward Powers: Is the ability to reward people in order to control their behavior. Example: Teachers have reward power over students because they have control of the grades. 6)Coercive Power: is the ability to gain compliance by administering punishment or removing rewards if others fail to yield to your influence. Example:Teachers can give students that don't meet their expectations can be given low grades, unfavorable letters of recommendation, and social disapproval.

Be familiar with the findings for researchers regarding the influence of degree of commitment on relationship deterioration vs. maintenance p. 227

The Degree of commitment that you and your relationship partner have toward each other is an important factor in the course of relationship deterioration. Commitment is especially strong when individuals are satisfied with their relationship; it grows weaker as individuals become less satisfied. All relationships are held together by commitment based on desire, obligation, or necessity (or a combintion of factors).

What is the general assumption of relationship rules theory?

The general assumption of rules theory is that relationships- friendships and love in particular- are held together by adherence to certain rules. When those rules are broken, the relationship may deteriorate and even dissolve. Two types of relationship rules: friendship and romantic rules.

Principle 2. In relationships, power often follows the principle of less interests

The more a person needs a relationship, the less powerful they are by the other person Love and power is at opposite power, to have one is to give up the other

How does the principle of punctuation ( viewing communication as cyclical vs. linear) help with relationship

The principles of punctuation view of communication is circular rather than linear. Linear views the relationship process as one behavior is the stimulus and one behavior is the response, which implies that the only way to change the behavior is to change the stimulus,. Circular views the relationship behaviors are seen in a circular pattern, no specific behavior is single out as a stimulus and not as a response. The pattern can thus be broken by interference anywhere along the circle.

What are relationship licenses, and what are examples of reciprocal and nonreciprocal relationship licences

The relationship license: the license or permission to break some relationship rule as a result of your relationship stage. Some relationship license can be reciprocal: which means each person's license is the same. For example, both are able to eat off each other's plate at a restaurant or fix their clothes. Some relationship licenses are nonreciprocal:which means that one person has a greater license than the other. For example, one person has the license to spend the couples's money without explanation or one has the right to be unfaithful (in some cultures men are expected to have intimate relationships with many women. )

Intensifying

This phase begins when you use strategies that increase the stakes, the intensity if the relationship ,such as increasing contact with your partner

What ways does the author suggest to enhance your credibility?

To enhance your credibility you need: -express your expertise when appropriate but don't over do it. -stress your fairness. everyone likes people who play fair and think about others fairly. -Express concern for others. this shows your noble side and reveals a part of you that says you have character. -stress your concern of enduring values- this shows consistency and good moral character. -Demonstrate a positive outlook. positive people are more likely to be believed and to be thought of highly than are negitive people. -be enthusiastic-enthusiasm helps to demonstrate your charisma.

Equality Theory

We develop relationships in which the ration of our rewards compared to the costs is approximately Equal our Partner's

Social exchange Theory:

We develop relationships that wll enable us to maximize profits, relationships from which we derive more rewards than costs.

What are the six thinking hats Edward deBono suggest we use in analyzing problems?

With each hat , you look at the problem from a different angle. *The fact hat focuses attention on the facts and figures the bear o the problem. For example how can pat learn more rewards that Chris gets from the friends? *The feeling hat focuses attention on the emotional responses to the problem. How does Pat feel when Chris goes out with these friends? *The negative argument hat ask you to become the devil's advocate. How may this relationship deteriorate if Chris continues seeing these friends without Pat. *The positive benefit hat asks yo to look at the upside. What are the opportunities that Chirs's seeing friends without Pat might yield. *The creative new idea hat focuses on new ways of looking at the problem. In what other ways can Pat and cris look at this problem? What other possible solutions might they consider. *the control of thinking hat helps you analyze what your're doing; it asks you to reflect on your own thinking. Have Pat and chris adequately define the problem.

7 Responses to Conflict

Withdrawal (bailout, remove your stuff) Denial: (Pretend there is no comflictx) Surrender: (give in so you don't have to fight Aggression: Yo in looking for a fight Reaction: You're a fight, one more response, looking for a fight Persuasion (settle your Idea / positing, give reasons, one way Negotiation, mutual problem solving cooperation's - 2 way

Be familiar with the suggestions the author provides to effectively communicate in developing relationship.

Without communication relationships can't exist and some suggestions for effective communication in developing relationships are: being nice, communicate, be open, give assurance, share joint activities, be positive, focus on improving yourself, ans be empathic.

Be familiar with the types of bullying identified by the autor and actions recommended for combating it.

types of bullying: *Gossiping about someone making others the butt of jokes. *Treating others as inferior, for example, frequently interrupting them or otherwise not giving their ideas due attention. *Excluding members from social functions. *Verbal insults; name calling *Negative facial expressions, sneering, avoiding eye contact *Excessive blaming *Being supervised (watched, monitored) more closely than others *Being unnecessarily critiicized, often with shouting and in public. Dealing with bullying: *Workders and organizations need to be clear about their opposition to bullying and that it doesn't profit anyone and will not be tolerated. Accusations fo bullying will be investigated promptly and fairly. *If possible and there is no danger (physical or institutional) sometimes confronting the bully assertively (not aggressively) will be enough- I dont like it when you make fun of the way I dress and I want you to stop- it's not funny and i just makes me feel bad *Taking action when yo or someone else is bullied . This suggestion is not always easy to implement, especally if the bullying is part of the corporate culture or is your boss.