Interpersonal Communication Module 6

Primary styles of loving

1. Eros 2. Storge 3. Ludus

Acceptance

3rd level of friendship. We hope that friends will accept us for who we are and what we do. We want to be comfortable with our friends. This facilitates our sense of self-worth.

Trust

4th level of friendship. 2 dimensions. We expect our friends will be dependable. We expect that our friends will be emotionally responsible by keeping secrets and avoiding painful topics we do not want to discuss.

Secondary styles of loving

A combination of primary styles of loving. 1. Pragma 2. Mania 3. Agape

Storge

A friendship based love. Stability and companionate

Personal changes

A new educational stage, career, or family can hinder the ability for a close friendship.

Resurrection processes

After the grave-dressing process people move on and become independent people and live their lives. They are now able to have new relationships with other partners.

Low Conformity

Allow for differences of opinion and a level of respect

Support

Highest level of friendship. 2 dimensions. Emotional: given and received through self-disclosure. Instrumental: friends available to us.

Pragma

Combines storge and ludus. People who have a pragmatic love style have clear-cut criteria for their partners and establish perimeters for their relationship that must be met before they fall in love. Sometimes the criteria is unsaid. Cautious, practical, and future-oriented.

Post-launching children

Couples after all children have left home and the couple is once again the primary unit.

Retirement

Couples when full-time work is no longer a part of life

Relational dialectics

Dialectical tensions are autonomy connection, openness and closeness, novelty predictability. Some people have trouble maintaining these.

Communication in Families

Diversity in Family Life, Forms, Goals, and Relationship types are all seen in this

Equity theory

Emphasizes the give and take that family members experience over time. Families tend to be satisfied when they perceive that their relationships are equitable in the long haul. Equity over time

Equity

Equity-fairness. 2 theories the Social Exchange Theory and the Equity Theory.

Mania

Eros and ludus. Manic love style includes games and tests for their potential partners. Experience emotional extremes with a controlling aspect. These type of lovers are dependent, controlling, and demanding.

Agape

Eros and storge love style. Put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Act without any hesitation of reciprocity. Passion of eros with the commitment of storge. Unselfish love.

Traditional

Highly interdependent and emotionally expressive. They share conventional views of marriage and family life. They engage in conflict regularly.

High Conformity

Expect kids to agree with parents and not question the authority

Launching children

Families who are launching their children into the world

Encouraging independence

Families with adolescents who are developing their own interests, activities, and social circles

Developing a family

Families with children in elementary or high school

Enlarging a family

Families with infants and/or preschoolers

Intamacy

Feelings of closeness. Not always sexual

Words

How family members talk and behave with each other influences the thoughts and feelings about that relationship. That is why when we are little we are taught to say words that are encouraging. Those words are social lubricants. Some say that Notarius's thoughts on this should be expanded to both verbal and non-verbal communication.

Thoughts

How family members think of each other and the relationship. In a satisfying relationship family members are more likely to make positive attributions about each other.

Conversation

How open or closed family communication is. There is high and low this type.

Independence

It makes adolescents and young adults to remain reliant on their parents. A concern with social media use in families is that a child cannot individuate themselves from a family because of the presence of social media.

Social Media

Increases level of interaction between family members. There are 3 things that go along with how social media use hurts and helps families. Independence, Surveillance, and Geographic Distance.

Eros

Intense fiery love with early self disclosure, sentimental expressions, and a quick falling in love period. Passionate and physical.

Internal Pressures on Friendships

Internal and external tensions.

Geographic distance

It can lead to emotional distance. They are best maintained through frequent contact which is hard considering the most neglected relationship is a friendship.

Relationship Development (Growth)

Just like friendships romantic relationships follow a predictable path. 1. Individuality 2. Invitational Communication 3. Explorational Communication 4. Intensifying Communication 5. Revising Communication 6. Commitment

Relationship Maintenance

Known in the textbook as the "Navigation" phase. Two most important parts are the relational culture and the placemaking.

Sex differences in loving styles

Men tend ludus. Women storge, mania, and pragma. Sex differences reflect how each gender is raised to view and tend to relationships. These patterns do not generalize

High Conversation

More open in expression

Low Conversation

More private and reserved.

Social support

Other people start to become a support system for those in a relationship and the problems are expressed to outsiders. 3rd party help in relationships.

Separate

Most autonomic. They are not emotionally expressive and they avoid conflict.

The Family Circle

Not every family makes a complete evolution. The majority of the families experience these stages.

Sexual attraction

Often friendship is seen as the first step toward a romantic relationship.

Placemaking

Partners create an environment that reflects their relationship and also what they like and value.

Relational Culture

Partners develop their own private rules for interaction. Inside jokes and interactions become deeper. This is how they manage their relationship.

Diverse communication styles

People have different communication styles which leads to misunderstandings because people have different interpretations.

Passion

Positive deep desires for someone

Emotions

Refers to how we feel based on both what we are self-taught and taught by others.

What do relationship researchers focus on?

Relationship Growth, Maintenance, & Deterioration

Internal tensions

Relationship stressers that grow out of the individuals involved in the relationship. The three tensions are 1. relational dialectics 2. diverse communication styles 3. sexual attraction

External tensions

Relationship stressers that grow out of the relationship. These tensions include 1. competing demands 2. personal changes 3. geographic distance

Ludus

Represents a view of seeing love as a game or a challenge. The people involved in this type of love look at it like an enigma and stay away from commitment.

Emotional Closeness

The second level of a friendship. Can be developed in 2 ways. The first is through self-disclosure (revealing personal information that the other person wouldn't know). Closeness through dialogue: women. Closeness through doing: men. They work hand in hand. With dialogue there is doing and vice versa.

Invitational Communication

The stage where we indicate that we are interested in the other person.

Relationship Deterioration

Since relationships do not last forever this is where this term comes in. There are 5 typical stages in which a committed romantic relationship deteriorates. 1. Intrapsychic processes 2. Dyadic processes 3. Social support 4. Grave-dressing processes 5. Resurrection processes.

Surveillance

Social media allows parents to monitor and track their children to an unprecedented degree.

Social exchange theory

Suggests that family members try to minimize their individual flaws and maximize their individual rewards. Costs and benefits. "After everything I've done for you"

Nature of Friendship

The expected steps a friendship takes. 1. Willingness to Invest 2. Emotional Closeness 3. Acceptance 4. Trust 5. Support.

Conformity

The extent to which family members are expected to adhere to a family hierarchy. There is high and low of this type.

Protective

The families tend to be less expressive and avoid conflict and they expect children to adhere to their beliefs. Low conversation and high conformity

Laissez-faire

The family members tend to be very independent of the others and they have limited interaction with each other. Low conversation and low conformity

Willingness to Invest

The first level of friendship. We expect that friends put forth effort, time, thought, feeling, and sometimes money.

Competing demands

The most neglected relationship is often a friendship because of other obligations.

Pluralistic

The parents are open and expressive but they also respect the children's view and perspective even though it may not align with their own. High conversation and low conformity

Family Communication Patterns

The patterns come from the contrasting and comparing of Conformity and Conversation. There are 4 patterns 1. Consensual 2. Pluralistic 3. Protective 4. Laissez-faire

Intensifying Communication

This occurs when we express more personal thoughts and feelings

Love Styles

The way relationships develop. The development of a relationship is dependent on the style of loving. Patterns for experiencing and showing love to another person. Sex differences play a big part. Love styles can change over time. There are primary and secondary styles of loving.

Diversity in relationship types (Fitzpatrick)

There are 3 different types of relationship types 1. Traditional 2. Independent 3. Separate

Dyadic processes

There is a higher level of conflict in the relationship. The two partners both know and discuss the problems they are dealing with.

Consensual

These parents encourage their children to express their thoughts and feelings but ultimately expect them to adhere to their values and beliefs. High conversation and high conformity

Sternberg's three dimensions

They are voluntary I-thou communication is where this happens 1. Passion 2. Commitment 3. Intimacy

Independent

They put a great emphasis on personal autonomy. Less interdependent and less conventional views about marriage and family life. They are emotionally expressive and engage in conflict regularly.

Geographic distance

This allows families to have open communication from a distance.

Grave-dressing processes

This is where we decide that we are going to end the relationship and bury it.

Commitment

Time spent in the relationship

Individuality

We are individuals before we meet our partner.

Commitment

We become a couple and make a concentrated effort to spend time with one another. We see our partner as who they are and continue to have a deeper relationship.

Intrapsychic processes

When someone in the relationship recognizes some downfalls in the relationship but keeps them to themselves.

Elements in family communication that influence satisfaction (Notarius)

When we make positive attributions people are more likely to feel positively about their family as well. If we want the best for ourselves and our relationship we should really be mindful of how we talk to people. There are 3 elements. 1. Words 2. Thoughts 3. Emotions

Explorational Communication

Where we consider possibility of a long-term relationship.

Revising Communication

Where we discover dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Establishing a family

Young couples without children