Interpersonal Relations Ch. 9-12!

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Relative statement

"We will not stay for very long"

illustrators

gestures that DO NOT function on there own but serve to instead underscore the important of what a person is saying

Neuroticism

greater perceived sense of vulnerability, might make compromise or avoidance seem more appealing than dominating or integrating

Dominating

high interest in self/lower interest in others

Integrators

high levels of extraversion, higher levels of conscientiousness, greater openness to experience, less neuroticism

Inspirational motivation

includes the vision put forth by the leader, as well as his or her keen ability to communication its effectively and persuasively

Intellectual stimulation

involves the leader's attention to the individuals needs of the followers, and his or her facilitation of their continued developement

Smell

is important in Arab cultures

Abstract language

is often seen as a ladder with highly abstract language at the top rung and increasingly more specific language on the progressively lower rungs

Gender

is one aspect or subset of culture

Dominators

low agreeableness

emblems

made up of gestures that have a direct verbal translation--V shape represents victory for peace

Compromising

moderate interest in both

women

more likely to rely on task and relationship oriented leadership women more democratic and participative

men

more likely to rely on task-oriented leadership better task leaders and better leaders overall

Gestures

movements of arms, legs, or other body parts fall into several categories and their meaning is unique to each culture

Moderate situational control

occurs when one or tow of these factors fit the "high" category with the remaining one or two in the "low" category

Low situational control

occurs when the leader has little power and is not well liked by the staff and the task is unclear and ambiguous

Eye Contact and Facial Expressions

our facial messages can send messages of love anger invitation.....

Conscientious

people are more reliable dependable, and careful to follow through with committments

Women

prefer an egalitarian viewpoint that focuses on equality and a balance of power and employs cooperation in the goal of achieving empathy and harmony in relationships

Western

preference for task-orinented leadership

Neuroticism

refers to a greater tendency to experience negative emotions

High situational control

refers to the great deal of external structure that holds the organization together, whereas the low situational control occurs in less stable environments

Idealized influence

refers to the high moral standards embodied by the leader, which aspire loyalty and admiration in followers

Control vs. Problem orientation

you need to get a second job

I-statement

you said you'd have my car detailed by this afternoon, but it still is not done. I'm upset because I have a potential buyer coming to look at it in 15 mintutes

Agreeableness

the tendency to cooperate and flow with others

perceptive themselves

to have different view points or goals;conflict often occurs based on misunderstanding or miscommunication rather than true differences in goals or viewpoints

Fallacy of overgeneralization

when we exaggerate the frequency of a behavior such as when we use the words "always" or "never"

Step Two

Set a Time and Place to Discuss the Issue Decide together with the other person when you both have adequate time to talk about the issue without interruptions or distractions

Mastery goals

Focus on improving one's level of skill or competence at the task

Performance goals

Focus on specific level of achievement

Conflict

For many people______conjures up negative images, like the ones listed above.

Lundus

Game-playing love, in which a person sees love as a game of a skill and strategy

Proximity

Geographical closeness to another person

Gridlock

Getting into a repeating cycle of unproductive and frustrating conflict about a currently unresolvable issure

Interactionist theories of leadership

Great leaders emerge from circumstances that combine an individual with leadership potential with certain situational factors

Myth # 1

Healthy Relationships Have Little or No Conflict This in not true Healthy relationships have just as much conflict as unhealthy relationships

Interdependent

High collectivisim, low Individualism

Biconstrual

High collectivism, High individualism

Interdependent self-construal

High collectivists values low individualist cultures

Independent self-construal

High individualistic values but low collectivistic values

Integrating

High interest in self/high interest in others

Positive attributions

Interpreting positive experiences as normal in a relationship, and giving your partner the benefit of the doubt in negative situations

Liking

Intimacy by itself

Work values

Intrinsic, extrinsic, power and social

Static Language

Language that impies that a situation or person is always the same

You-language

Language that implies blame on the other person

I-language

Language that takes responsibility for the impact that other person's behavior has on you, rather than simply scolding or casting blame

Evaluation

Language which evaluates or judges another person

Abstract Language

Language which is vague, a condition that forms the basis for many misunderstandings

Ambivalent identity

Little sense of individuality, as well as little sense of connection to the larger group

Companionate love

Love that includes intimacy and commitment, but no passion

Consummate love

Love that is made up of all three elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment

Independent

Low collectivism, high individualism

Ambivalent

Low collectivism, low individualism

Accomodating

Low interest in self/high interest in others

Avoiding

Low interest in self/low interest in others

Kegen's Developmental Model of Transactional and Transformational Leaders

Lower-order transactional: personal goals and agendas Higher-order Transactional: postivie relationships built on mutual trust and respect Transformational:Strongly held guiding principles

Fatuous love

Made up of commitment and passion, without itimacy

Step Five

Set a Time to Follow UP Don't assume the plant will work flawlessly. Decide how long the trial period should be, and when you will meet again to talk about what is working and what is not.

Passion

Sexual desire and physical attraction

Interpersonal conflict

Situation in which two or more people in an interdependent relationship perceive themselves to have different view points or goals, which are incompatible

Power

Social status and prestige control or dominance over people and resources

Storage

Stable love, typically deep and long-term, in which the relationship is based on strong friendship and mutual respect

Self-confidence

Strong belief in oneself and one's ideas, as well as emotional stability

Consensus leader

Succeeds based on his or her centrist position and skills at mediation

Universalism

Understanding appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and for nature

Succinct communication

Understated language that says very little and relies on the listener to understand the unspoken meaning(Few words, Asian American, Native American)

Touch

Use by a communicator to help build rapport or trust with the person to whom they are speaking. Touch increases cooperation as found in studies..... In some cases touch can be unwanted..this case decreases trust and comfort

Cultivating intrinsic motivation

Use rewards to inform, not to control Set goals that are specific, challenging but achievable and positive Create conditions that support people's values and preferences

Elaborate Language

Uses many words to convey its message and its very colorful and expressive(Many words, Middle Eastern, African American)

Biconstrual identity

Value pursuing their own goals, but place an equally high value on connection to their social group

Fallacy of causation

We blame someone else for our own feelings

Conflict style

We each have a tendency to respond to conflict in a manner that is fairly consistent over time and across situations

Physical Environment

We often think of nonverbal communication as something we do with our bodies, but it includes the way we structure our physical environment as well

Individualism-Collectivism and Conflict Style

We will improve our accuracy by measuring research participant's own individual level, of say individualism and collectivism rather just categorizing them based on the nationality. Individualists were found to use the avoiding style more than collectivists, Collectivists preferred compromising and integrating more than individualists, which makes sense in light of the concern for others reflect ed in these conflict styles

Descriptive statement

We will only stay for half an hour

Control orientation

Making decisions for other people

Overcoming Myths

Recognizing the degree to which we buy into these myths is an essential first step in improving our own patterns of conflict resolution. Myths gain power from their place in our UNCONSCIOS rather than Conscious awareness.

Symmetry

Refers to how symmetrical, well-matched, or balanced one side of a person's face and body are, compared to th eother

Demographic

Refers to population statistics, such as age, race, religion, income level, educational level, and other basic types of information you might find on census report

Companionate love

Relationship based on trust, mutual respect, affection, honesty, communication, happiness, and sharing

Mastery

Represents the belief that humans should seek to control whatever they can

Harmony

Represents the belief that humans should try to fit into the environment without changing it

Egalitarianism

Represents the belief that socially responsible behavior involves respecting each individual as an equal

Hierachy

Represents the belief that socially responsible behavior involves respecting status differences and adhering to the rules attached to one's own status in society

Autonomy

Represents the cultural priority of pursuing individual freedoms, both intellectual and emotional, and a general value of openness to change

Conservatism

Represents the priority of maintaining the status quo in society, in order to keep group relations stable

Tradition

Respect, commitment, and acceptance, of the customs and ideas that traditional culture or religion provides

Conformity

Restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations or norms

Body posture and Orientation

Rigidly errect:somewhat tense Relaxed postition higher status. Errect position:lower status

Security

Safety, harmony and stability of society, of relationships, and of self

isshin denshin

"traditional mental telepathy"

Defensiveness

Avoiding taking any responsibility for the problem, and instead deflecting it back toward the other person

Overcoming Gendered Differences in Communication

1. Acknowledge they exist 2.Understand the value systems 3. Recognize that both styles are valid and make perfect sense in the context of their divergent value systems 4. Let go of the need to make other conform to our own style 5. Share what we have learned 6.Use the skill of perception-checking 7.

Setting goals

1.Goals must be specific 2.Goals must be challenging 3.Goals should be framed in positive terms 4.Approach goals 5. Avovidance goals

The order of High to Low context cultures

1.Japan.(Indirect) 2.Arabia 3.Greek 4.Spanish 5.Italian 6.British 7.French 8.American 9.Scandinavian 10.German 11.German-Swiss(Direct)

Follower readiness

A component that combines the expertise level of staff members with their general motivation to accomplish a task

Certainty

A defense-arousing message that signals closed-mindedness

Dual-concern model

A framework for understanding conflict style that is based on the degree of assertiveness and cooperativeness that motivates an individual's response to conflict

Nonverbally

A large portion of the messages we send in communication is transmitting it,_______. In fact, research has found that communicating novnverbally accounts for at least 65% and may even be as high as 90%(Burgoon 1994)

Drive

A multifaceted component that includes achievement motivation, ambition, energy, tenacity, and initiative

Provisionalism

A supportive message that signals open-mindedness

Ethnicity and Conflict Style

Accomodating and avoiding tend to have negative connotations in Western cultures, but we cannot assume that to be true in other cultures Stella TingToomey discovered that Asain and Latin culture perceive accommodating and avoiding as positive choices, because the they reduce friction in other cultures.High degree of concern for others.

Mania

An obsessive, desperate, and possessive type of love, in which jealousy and doubt prevail

Repair attempts

Anything-verbal or nonverbal-that a partner does to try to make things a little more positive and less tense during a conflict

Neutrality

Apparent lack of concern or feeling,sending a message that the other person is unimportant

Transactional leader

Base success on a series of equitable exchanges with followers

Dominating

Based on a high degree of interest in one's own goals, a low degree of interest in the relationship of goals of the other person

Soft start-up

Beginning a conflict discussion with I-language

Step Four

Brainstorm and Analyze Options While brainstorming, don't stop to analyze or critique anything; just let the ideas flow, no matter how crazy they are. When you have a long list of options, identity the pros and cons of each one. Decide together which option to pursue

Paralanguage

Communication that is verbal but wordless such as person's tone of voice, sighs, murmurs, volume. etc.

Great Person theory of leadership

Certain people are born with a set of personality traits that make them desired to become great leaders

Accomodating

Characterized by a high degree of interest in the relationship, and a low degree of concern about one's one interests

Avoiding

Characterized by a low degree of interest pursuing one's own goals, as well as supporting the relationship or the other person's goals

Compromising

Characterized by a moderate degree of interest in one's own goals, and an equally moderate degree of interest in the relationship and/or goals of the other person

Integrating

Characterized by a strong interest in pursuing one's own goals, and an equally strong interest in supporting the relationship and/or goals of the other person Often associated with the "win-win"conflict resolution method

Exacting Language

Clear and specific language that states the facts, and no more(Only necessary words, Caucasian American)

Behavioral description

Clear, specific, and factual description of a person's behavior In the past week you've called several times a day

Individualism-Collectivisim

Collectivist cultures-schedules and actions

Empty love

Commitment in the absences of intimacy and passion

Strategy

Communicating in a way that is meant to manipulate the other person, or influence them indirectly to do or say something

Myth # 2

Conflict is Always Destructive Some conflict can be constructive. One study showed that their "big first fight" and found that the "survivors" of the FBF experienced a number of benefits, including a grater sense of mutual commitment to their relationship(Siegert & Stamp, 1994).

Integrity

Consistency between what a person says and what she does

Contempt

Conveys a strong message or disrespect and superiority

Emotional bank account

Created by continuing to make small, everyday sacrifices and by making efforts to notice and appreciate the kindnesses of your partner.

Love maps

Created out of a deep and broad awareness of their partner

Agape

Deep abiding love that is not without passion, and that is also selfless

Superiority

Defense-arousing message that conveys that the speaker is smarter, knows more, or is better in some other way than the listener

Intrinstic motivation

Desire to pursue or engage in something for the internal rewards it brings

Waist-hip ratio(WHR)

Determined by a person's proportions:specifially, how big is the waist as compared to the hips

Criticism

Directed at the person(rather than the behavior) and includes blame and negative judgement

Strategy vs. Spontaneity

Do you think it's important to help others out when they are in a blind?

Extrinsic motivation

Driven by the pursuit of external rewards or the avoidance of external punishments

imbalance

Each defense-arousing category seems to create an _______in the relationship-one that places the speaker in power and consequently dis-empowers the receiver

Charismatic leader

Engaging personality fuels his or her success

Eros

Erotic love, or love that is based primarily on physical attraction and a strong sense of passion toward the love object

Step Three

Exchange Viewpoints One at a time, share all your thoughts and feelings about the issue. When hearing your partners' perceptions, listen carefully and non defensively. Use the communication and listening techniques from this chapter to clarify and support each other

Stimulation

Excitement, novelty, challenge in life

Characteristics of Creative People

Expertise Divergent thinking Risk-taking(Aware that risks are inherent to growth) Self confidence Ability to be critical of one's own work, and a willingness to learn from one's mistakes

Description

Fact-based, nonjudgmental description of the other person's behavior

Superiority vs. Equality

I don't understand how you can be struggling in English; when I took it I got an A

Descriptive statement

I got two A's and B's last term in school

Relative statement

I have been doing pretty well in school lately

Neutrality vs. Empathy

I'm tired of hearing you complain about your lack of a social life

Understand the critic's perception

IF the criticism is clearly communicated, but you don't agree with it

Step One

Identify the problem Think carefully and get to the root of the issue. What are you unmet needs? To help gain focus, try writing an I-statement that accurately captures your thoughts and feelings about the issue

Agree

If the criticism is accuate

Transformational leader

Ignites the energies and interest of followers to the point where they become united with the leader in values and pursuit of the vision

Myth # 3

In any Conflict, There can only be One Winner Recognize that conflict can be resolved in ways that support all parties' needs or goals can help us reframe the way we perceive conflict and work harder to finding creative ways the make this happen

Paraphrasing

In any situation where you want to diffuse the tension

Control-based rewards

Incentives for doing well offered before a task is accomplished

Intimacy

Includes trust, caring warmth, honesty and a deep level of understanding and knowledge about each other

Self-direction

Independent thought and action-choosing, creating, exploring

Identity and Conflict Style

Individualism-Collectivism dimension was too narrow to really pinpoint the differences among various cultures(Ting-Toomey.....) One continuum for individualism and a separate for collectivism

monochronic cultures

Individualists in nature, value time efficiency most highly,

Leadership

Influencing others to voluntarily accept and pursue goals and challenges that may be difficult, but which are in accord with the values of both the leaders and the followers

Passionate love

Intense arousal and absorption with a partner

Problem solving vs. Empathy

Men conversation revolves around problem-solving Women's is an effort to develop empathy

Use of Questions

Men want questions directly answered Women use questions more indirectly-to make requests or to state needs

Detail's vs. Big Picture

Men's and womens's issue of want details vs. big picture

The Four Horsemen

Metaphoric phrases in what Gottman sees as the apocalyptic demise of many marriages

Relationship-orineted leaders

More concerned with morale, and focus on building good interpersonal relationships and positive feelings among staff members

Task-oriented leaders

More concerned with productivity, and focus on providing direction and specific instructions for staff members

Low-context communication

Much more direct and relies on clear,concrete, and explicit language. Do not pay close attention to contexual detail instead they depend on the speaker to "say what you mean, and mean what you say" America, Germany....

Polychronic cultures

Often collectivist value interpersonal relationships most highly over time

Defensive spiral

One negative comment tends to be reciprocated then each provokes another

Honesty

Open and clear communication

False consensus bias

Our assumption that others see things the same way we do

Infatuation

Passion, without intimacy or commitment

Mere exposure effect

People tend to like others more when they have seen them more frequently, even if they may have not spoken to the person

Creative environment

Perceptions: Risks are inherent to growth Mistakes are a normal part of learning Uncertainty is okay Traits: Courage Patience Openness to experience Self-confidence Persistence Passion Skills: Divergent Thinking, Analytical Skills, Expertise

Affective communication

Person-orientated and focuses on building and maintaining good relations between the communicators(Collectivist cultures)

Acheivment

Personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards

Self-construals

Pertain to the way we perceive or construe, our self

Hedonisim

Pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself

Pragma

Practical love that results from an objective evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of a particular love relationship or love object

Benevolence

Preservation and enhancement of the welfare of people with whom one is in frequent personal contact

Creativity

Producing something that is both novel and useful

Selling

Providing high degrees of both task-oriented and relationship-orientated leadership

Delegating

Providing low levels of both task orientated and relationship-oriented leadership

Participating

Providing relationship-oriented leadership

Telling

Providing task-oriented leadership

Instrumental Communication

Task-orientated and focuses on achieving the speaker's goal(favored by individualist cultures)

Contact cultures

Tend to engage in more open contact with each other and use nonverbal cues to signal warmth, closeness and availability..Arab, North Africa

Divergent thinking

The ability to generate many ideas, or more complex ideas from a single starting point

Accomodating

The accomodating roomate gives into the other one, if the accomodate is the pet-lover she gives up the idea of a pet to keep conflict out of the relationship

Romantic love

The combination of intimacy and passion

Committment

The conscious decision that one loves the other person and is willing to make certain sacrifices to maintain that relationship over the long term

Incubation

The creator walks away from the project for a time and lets the ideas and discoveries made thus far develop naturally and without conscious effort

Cooperativeness

The degree to which we are interested in maintaining the relationship or supporting the goals of the other person

Assertiveness

The degree to which we are interested in pursuing our own goals and interests

Extraversion

The degree to which we enjoy and gain energy from social interaction

Achievement motivation

The desire to attain a high standard of excellence in one's life pursuits

Body orientation

The direction your body is facing relative to those with whom you are interacting

Dominating

The dominating roommate aggressively pursues her goal and does not give in a inch to the other person; if the dominator is the pet-lover she insists on getting a pet and assumes that the roommate will just deal with it. This might include efforts to convince the roommate why a pet is a good idea and "bulldozing" until she gets her way

Social exchange theory

The general principle that, in relationships, we want the best we can get for what we have to offer, and we might "exchange" what we have for something a potential partner is offering

Consequence

The impact the behavior had on you That's why I have not been returning your calls

Compromising

The pet-lover gets a pet and keeps it out of the space where the anti-pet roommate is; she does not get a pet but sometimes keeps foster pets

Integrating

The roommates discuss the issue to determine where the underlying goals are for each party, and re-conceptualize the conflict with the new information. Then one roommate volunteers at the human society to get "hands-on" pet time, or the other roommate realizes she's open to trying something new

Work centrality

The significance of work in a person's life

Informational rewards

To inform a person that he or she has done well at the end of the task

Win-win method

To meet the needs of each party fully, without making sacrifices

Emotional description

To state the emotion you felt when the behavior occurred I'm feeling overwhelmed

Patience

Tolerance for uncertainty

Passive-aggressive behavior

When a person acts passive on the outside, but secretly commits some type of aggression against the other person Passive aggressive behavior neither solves problems NOR maintains relationships

Stonewalling

When one partner withdraws from a conversation, either by clamming up of by physically leaving the room and the discussion

Ask for clarification

When the criticism is unclear

Guess about specifics

When the criticism is unclear but you think you might know what the critic is talking about

Avoiding

When the roommates realize they have a potential conflict on their hands, they ignore it. IF the avoider is the roommate and does not want the pet, she keeps quiet about it and hopes it's just a passing whim. If a pet does arrive on the scene, she just avoids it or spends less time at home

Ask what the critic wants you to do differently

When you do not know that the critic wants

Ask about the consequences of your behavior

When you don't know how the issue is relevant to the critic

Ask if something is wrong

When you think that the critic is displacing anger onto you

Asking for help

Women want help men do not want to ask for help

Relative language

Words or phrases that "gain their meaning by comparison."

Problem orientation

Working collaboratively with partners to share decision-making

Certainty vs. Provisionalism

You are going to flunck out if you do not get your act together

Evaluation vs. Description

You are not doing very well in school this term

You-statement

You are so unreliable

Warmer climates

allow people to be outside and interact with each other year-round more than cold-climate regions and they they have developed more expressive communication patterns Low contact cultures include:Europe, Great Britain, North America..

men

are more prone to responding aggressively when their space in invaded Women are more likely to accommodate the intrusion

Creative problem-solving

can play an key role in effective conflict resoultion

Compromisers

characterized by higher agreeableness, higher openess to experience, higher neuroticism

Collectivist

cultures, show greater preference for relationship-oriented leadership

One common type of avoiding behavior

downplay the significance of the issue Second: distracting technique Third: deny the actual existence of the conflict

High-context communication

relies more heavily on attention to these contextual details and less on explicit language to transmit the message. Is INDIRECT(abstract) trusting that the listener will be able to interpret the vague language of the speaker based on an in-depth understanding of the context. Arabia and Japan

Avoiders

reported lower extraversion,lower conscientiousness, higher neuroticism

men

tend to see the world in a hierarchical way, focusing on status and powers and employing aggression to compete their way to a higher status

Leadership motivation

the desire to influence others and to accept the responsibilities that come with this type of power

interdependant relationship

we mean that both or all parties have a stake in continuing the relationship or that they depend on the other person in some way


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