Interpersonal Relations Ch. 9-12!
Relative statement
"We will not stay for very long"
illustrators
gestures that DO NOT function on there own but serve to instead underscore the important of what a person is saying
Neuroticism
greater perceived sense of vulnerability, might make compromise or avoidance seem more appealing than dominating or integrating
Dominating
high interest in self/lower interest in others
Integrators
high levels of extraversion, higher levels of conscientiousness, greater openness to experience, less neuroticism
Inspirational motivation
includes the vision put forth by the leader, as well as his or her keen ability to communication its effectively and persuasively
Intellectual stimulation
involves the leader's attention to the individuals needs of the followers, and his or her facilitation of their continued developement
Smell
is important in Arab cultures
Abstract language
is often seen as a ladder with highly abstract language at the top rung and increasingly more specific language on the progressively lower rungs
Gender
is one aspect or subset of culture
Dominators
low agreeableness
emblems
made up of gestures that have a direct verbal translation--V shape represents victory for peace
Compromising
moderate interest in both
women
more likely to rely on task and relationship oriented leadership women more democratic and participative
men
more likely to rely on task-oriented leadership better task leaders and better leaders overall
Gestures
movements of arms, legs, or other body parts fall into several categories and their meaning is unique to each culture
Moderate situational control
occurs when one or tow of these factors fit the "high" category with the remaining one or two in the "low" category
Low situational control
occurs when the leader has little power and is not well liked by the staff and the task is unclear and ambiguous
Eye Contact and Facial Expressions
our facial messages can send messages of love anger invitation.....
Conscientious
people are more reliable dependable, and careful to follow through with committments
Women
prefer an egalitarian viewpoint that focuses on equality and a balance of power and employs cooperation in the goal of achieving empathy and harmony in relationships
Western
preference for task-orinented leadership
Neuroticism
refers to a greater tendency to experience negative emotions
High situational control
refers to the great deal of external structure that holds the organization together, whereas the low situational control occurs in less stable environments
Idealized influence
refers to the high moral standards embodied by the leader, which aspire loyalty and admiration in followers
Control vs. Problem orientation
you need to get a second job
I-statement
you said you'd have my car detailed by this afternoon, but it still is not done. I'm upset because I have a potential buyer coming to look at it in 15 mintutes
Agreeableness
the tendency to cooperate and flow with others
perceptive themselves
to have different view points or goals;conflict often occurs based on misunderstanding or miscommunication rather than true differences in goals or viewpoints
Fallacy of overgeneralization
when we exaggerate the frequency of a behavior such as when we use the words "always" or "never"
Step Two
Set a Time and Place to Discuss the Issue Decide together with the other person when you both have adequate time to talk about the issue without interruptions or distractions
Mastery goals
Focus on improving one's level of skill or competence at the task
Performance goals
Focus on specific level of achievement
Conflict
For many people______conjures up negative images, like the ones listed above.
Lundus
Game-playing love, in which a person sees love as a game of a skill and strategy
Proximity
Geographical closeness to another person
Gridlock
Getting into a repeating cycle of unproductive and frustrating conflict about a currently unresolvable issure
Interactionist theories of leadership
Great leaders emerge from circumstances that combine an individual with leadership potential with certain situational factors
Myth # 1
Healthy Relationships Have Little or No Conflict This in not true Healthy relationships have just as much conflict as unhealthy relationships
Interdependent
High collectivisim, low Individualism
Biconstrual
High collectivism, High individualism
Interdependent self-construal
High collectivists values low individualist cultures
Independent self-construal
High individualistic values but low collectivistic values
Integrating
High interest in self/high interest in others
Positive attributions
Interpreting positive experiences as normal in a relationship, and giving your partner the benefit of the doubt in negative situations
Liking
Intimacy by itself
Work values
Intrinsic, extrinsic, power and social
Static Language
Language that impies that a situation or person is always the same
You-language
Language that implies blame on the other person
I-language
Language that takes responsibility for the impact that other person's behavior has on you, rather than simply scolding or casting blame
Evaluation
Language which evaluates or judges another person
Abstract Language
Language which is vague, a condition that forms the basis for many misunderstandings
Ambivalent identity
Little sense of individuality, as well as little sense of connection to the larger group
Companionate love
Love that includes intimacy and commitment, but no passion
Consummate love
Love that is made up of all three elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment
Independent
Low collectivism, high individualism
Ambivalent
Low collectivism, low individualism
Accomodating
Low interest in self/high interest in others
Avoiding
Low interest in self/low interest in others
Kegen's Developmental Model of Transactional and Transformational Leaders
Lower-order transactional: personal goals and agendas Higher-order Transactional: postivie relationships built on mutual trust and respect Transformational:Strongly held guiding principles
Fatuous love
Made up of commitment and passion, without itimacy
Step Five
Set a Time to Follow UP Don't assume the plant will work flawlessly. Decide how long the trial period should be, and when you will meet again to talk about what is working and what is not.
Passion
Sexual desire and physical attraction
Interpersonal conflict
Situation in which two or more people in an interdependent relationship perceive themselves to have different view points or goals, which are incompatible
Power
Social status and prestige control or dominance over people and resources
Storage
Stable love, typically deep and long-term, in which the relationship is based on strong friendship and mutual respect
Self-confidence
Strong belief in oneself and one's ideas, as well as emotional stability
Consensus leader
Succeeds based on his or her centrist position and skills at mediation
Universalism
Understanding appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and for nature
Succinct communication
Understated language that says very little and relies on the listener to understand the unspoken meaning(Few words, Asian American, Native American)
Touch
Use by a communicator to help build rapport or trust with the person to whom they are speaking. Touch increases cooperation as found in studies..... In some cases touch can be unwanted..this case decreases trust and comfort
Cultivating intrinsic motivation
Use rewards to inform, not to control Set goals that are specific, challenging but achievable and positive Create conditions that support people's values and preferences
Elaborate Language
Uses many words to convey its message and its very colorful and expressive(Many words, Middle Eastern, African American)
Biconstrual identity
Value pursuing their own goals, but place an equally high value on connection to their social group
Fallacy of causation
We blame someone else for our own feelings
Conflict style
We each have a tendency to respond to conflict in a manner that is fairly consistent over time and across situations
Physical Environment
We often think of nonverbal communication as something we do with our bodies, but it includes the way we structure our physical environment as well
Individualism-Collectivism and Conflict Style
We will improve our accuracy by measuring research participant's own individual level, of say individualism and collectivism rather just categorizing them based on the nationality. Individualists were found to use the avoiding style more than collectivists, Collectivists preferred compromising and integrating more than individualists, which makes sense in light of the concern for others reflect ed in these conflict styles
Descriptive statement
We will only stay for half an hour
Control orientation
Making decisions for other people
Overcoming Myths
Recognizing the degree to which we buy into these myths is an essential first step in improving our own patterns of conflict resolution. Myths gain power from their place in our UNCONSCIOS rather than Conscious awareness.
Symmetry
Refers to how symmetrical, well-matched, or balanced one side of a person's face and body are, compared to th eother
Demographic
Refers to population statistics, such as age, race, religion, income level, educational level, and other basic types of information you might find on census report
Companionate love
Relationship based on trust, mutual respect, affection, honesty, communication, happiness, and sharing
Mastery
Represents the belief that humans should seek to control whatever they can
Harmony
Represents the belief that humans should try to fit into the environment without changing it
Egalitarianism
Represents the belief that socially responsible behavior involves respecting each individual as an equal
Hierachy
Represents the belief that socially responsible behavior involves respecting status differences and adhering to the rules attached to one's own status in society
Autonomy
Represents the cultural priority of pursuing individual freedoms, both intellectual and emotional, and a general value of openness to change
Conservatism
Represents the priority of maintaining the status quo in society, in order to keep group relations stable
Tradition
Respect, commitment, and acceptance, of the customs and ideas that traditional culture or religion provides
Conformity
Restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations or norms
Body posture and Orientation
Rigidly errect:somewhat tense Relaxed postition higher status. Errect position:lower status
Security
Safety, harmony and stability of society, of relationships, and of self
isshin denshin
"traditional mental telepathy"
Defensiveness
Avoiding taking any responsibility for the problem, and instead deflecting it back toward the other person
Overcoming Gendered Differences in Communication
1. Acknowledge they exist 2.Understand the value systems 3. Recognize that both styles are valid and make perfect sense in the context of their divergent value systems 4. Let go of the need to make other conform to our own style 5. Share what we have learned 6.Use the skill of perception-checking 7.
Setting goals
1.Goals must be specific 2.Goals must be challenging 3.Goals should be framed in positive terms 4.Approach goals 5. Avovidance goals
The order of High to Low context cultures
1.Japan.(Indirect) 2.Arabia 3.Greek 4.Spanish 5.Italian 6.British 7.French 8.American 9.Scandinavian 10.German 11.German-Swiss(Direct)
Follower readiness
A component that combines the expertise level of staff members with their general motivation to accomplish a task
Certainty
A defense-arousing message that signals closed-mindedness
Dual-concern model
A framework for understanding conflict style that is based on the degree of assertiveness and cooperativeness that motivates an individual's response to conflict
Nonverbally
A large portion of the messages we send in communication is transmitting it,_______. In fact, research has found that communicating novnverbally accounts for at least 65% and may even be as high as 90%(Burgoon 1994)
Drive
A multifaceted component that includes achievement motivation, ambition, energy, tenacity, and initiative
Provisionalism
A supportive message that signals open-mindedness
Ethnicity and Conflict Style
Accomodating and avoiding tend to have negative connotations in Western cultures, but we cannot assume that to be true in other cultures Stella TingToomey discovered that Asain and Latin culture perceive accommodating and avoiding as positive choices, because the they reduce friction in other cultures.High degree of concern for others.
Mania
An obsessive, desperate, and possessive type of love, in which jealousy and doubt prevail
Repair attempts
Anything-verbal or nonverbal-that a partner does to try to make things a little more positive and less tense during a conflict
Neutrality
Apparent lack of concern or feeling,sending a message that the other person is unimportant
Transactional leader
Base success on a series of equitable exchanges with followers
Dominating
Based on a high degree of interest in one's own goals, a low degree of interest in the relationship of goals of the other person
Soft start-up
Beginning a conflict discussion with I-language
Step Four
Brainstorm and Analyze Options While brainstorming, don't stop to analyze or critique anything; just let the ideas flow, no matter how crazy they are. When you have a long list of options, identity the pros and cons of each one. Decide together which option to pursue
Paralanguage
Communication that is verbal but wordless such as person's tone of voice, sighs, murmurs, volume. etc.
Great Person theory of leadership
Certain people are born with a set of personality traits that make them desired to become great leaders
Accomodating
Characterized by a high degree of interest in the relationship, and a low degree of concern about one's one interests
Avoiding
Characterized by a low degree of interest pursuing one's own goals, as well as supporting the relationship or the other person's goals
Compromising
Characterized by a moderate degree of interest in one's own goals, and an equally moderate degree of interest in the relationship and/or goals of the other person
Integrating
Characterized by a strong interest in pursuing one's own goals, and an equally strong interest in supporting the relationship and/or goals of the other person Often associated with the "win-win"conflict resolution method
Exacting Language
Clear and specific language that states the facts, and no more(Only necessary words, Caucasian American)
Behavioral description
Clear, specific, and factual description of a person's behavior In the past week you've called several times a day
Individualism-Collectivisim
Collectivist cultures-schedules and actions
Empty love
Commitment in the absences of intimacy and passion
Strategy
Communicating in a way that is meant to manipulate the other person, or influence them indirectly to do or say something
Myth # 2
Conflict is Always Destructive Some conflict can be constructive. One study showed that their "big first fight" and found that the "survivors" of the FBF experienced a number of benefits, including a grater sense of mutual commitment to their relationship(Siegert & Stamp, 1994).
Integrity
Consistency between what a person says and what she does
Contempt
Conveys a strong message or disrespect and superiority
Emotional bank account
Created by continuing to make small, everyday sacrifices and by making efforts to notice and appreciate the kindnesses of your partner.
Love maps
Created out of a deep and broad awareness of their partner
Agape
Deep abiding love that is not without passion, and that is also selfless
Superiority
Defense-arousing message that conveys that the speaker is smarter, knows more, or is better in some other way than the listener
Intrinstic motivation
Desire to pursue or engage in something for the internal rewards it brings
Waist-hip ratio(WHR)
Determined by a person's proportions:specifially, how big is the waist as compared to the hips
Criticism
Directed at the person(rather than the behavior) and includes blame and negative judgement
Strategy vs. Spontaneity
Do you think it's important to help others out when they are in a blind?
Extrinsic motivation
Driven by the pursuit of external rewards or the avoidance of external punishments
imbalance
Each defense-arousing category seems to create an _______in the relationship-one that places the speaker in power and consequently dis-empowers the receiver
Charismatic leader
Engaging personality fuels his or her success
Eros
Erotic love, or love that is based primarily on physical attraction and a strong sense of passion toward the love object
Step Three
Exchange Viewpoints One at a time, share all your thoughts and feelings about the issue. When hearing your partners' perceptions, listen carefully and non defensively. Use the communication and listening techniques from this chapter to clarify and support each other
Stimulation
Excitement, novelty, challenge in life
Characteristics of Creative People
Expertise Divergent thinking Risk-taking(Aware that risks are inherent to growth) Self confidence Ability to be critical of one's own work, and a willingness to learn from one's mistakes
Description
Fact-based, nonjudgmental description of the other person's behavior
Superiority vs. Equality
I don't understand how you can be struggling in English; when I took it I got an A
Descriptive statement
I got two A's and B's last term in school
Relative statement
I have been doing pretty well in school lately
Neutrality vs. Empathy
I'm tired of hearing you complain about your lack of a social life
Understand the critic's perception
IF the criticism is clearly communicated, but you don't agree with it
Step One
Identify the problem Think carefully and get to the root of the issue. What are you unmet needs? To help gain focus, try writing an I-statement that accurately captures your thoughts and feelings about the issue
Agree
If the criticism is accuate
Transformational leader
Ignites the energies and interest of followers to the point where they become united with the leader in values and pursuit of the vision
Myth # 3
In any Conflict, There can only be One Winner Recognize that conflict can be resolved in ways that support all parties' needs or goals can help us reframe the way we perceive conflict and work harder to finding creative ways the make this happen
Paraphrasing
In any situation where you want to diffuse the tension
Control-based rewards
Incentives for doing well offered before a task is accomplished
Intimacy
Includes trust, caring warmth, honesty and a deep level of understanding and knowledge about each other
Self-direction
Independent thought and action-choosing, creating, exploring
Identity and Conflict Style
Individualism-Collectivism dimension was too narrow to really pinpoint the differences among various cultures(Ting-Toomey.....) One continuum for individualism and a separate for collectivism
monochronic cultures
Individualists in nature, value time efficiency most highly,
Leadership
Influencing others to voluntarily accept and pursue goals and challenges that may be difficult, but which are in accord with the values of both the leaders and the followers
Passionate love
Intense arousal and absorption with a partner
Problem solving vs. Empathy
Men conversation revolves around problem-solving Women's is an effort to develop empathy
Use of Questions
Men want questions directly answered Women use questions more indirectly-to make requests or to state needs
Detail's vs. Big Picture
Men's and womens's issue of want details vs. big picture
The Four Horsemen
Metaphoric phrases in what Gottman sees as the apocalyptic demise of many marriages
Relationship-orineted leaders
More concerned with morale, and focus on building good interpersonal relationships and positive feelings among staff members
Task-oriented leaders
More concerned with productivity, and focus on providing direction and specific instructions for staff members
Low-context communication
Much more direct and relies on clear,concrete, and explicit language. Do not pay close attention to contexual detail instead they depend on the speaker to "say what you mean, and mean what you say" America, Germany....
Polychronic cultures
Often collectivist value interpersonal relationships most highly over time
Defensive spiral
One negative comment tends to be reciprocated then each provokes another
Honesty
Open and clear communication
False consensus bias
Our assumption that others see things the same way we do
Infatuation
Passion, without intimacy or commitment
Mere exposure effect
People tend to like others more when they have seen them more frequently, even if they may have not spoken to the person
Creative environment
Perceptions: Risks are inherent to growth Mistakes are a normal part of learning Uncertainty is okay Traits: Courage Patience Openness to experience Self-confidence Persistence Passion Skills: Divergent Thinking, Analytical Skills, Expertise
Affective communication
Person-orientated and focuses on building and maintaining good relations between the communicators(Collectivist cultures)
Acheivment
Personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards
Self-construals
Pertain to the way we perceive or construe, our self
Hedonisim
Pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself
Pragma
Practical love that results from an objective evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of a particular love relationship or love object
Benevolence
Preservation and enhancement of the welfare of people with whom one is in frequent personal contact
Creativity
Producing something that is both novel and useful
Selling
Providing high degrees of both task-oriented and relationship-orientated leadership
Delegating
Providing low levels of both task orientated and relationship-oriented leadership
Participating
Providing relationship-oriented leadership
Telling
Providing task-oriented leadership
Instrumental Communication
Task-orientated and focuses on achieving the speaker's goal(favored by individualist cultures)
Contact cultures
Tend to engage in more open contact with each other and use nonverbal cues to signal warmth, closeness and availability..Arab, North Africa
Divergent thinking
The ability to generate many ideas, or more complex ideas from a single starting point
Accomodating
The accomodating roomate gives into the other one, if the accomodate is the pet-lover she gives up the idea of a pet to keep conflict out of the relationship
Romantic love
The combination of intimacy and passion
Committment
The conscious decision that one loves the other person and is willing to make certain sacrifices to maintain that relationship over the long term
Incubation
The creator walks away from the project for a time and lets the ideas and discoveries made thus far develop naturally and without conscious effort
Cooperativeness
The degree to which we are interested in maintaining the relationship or supporting the goals of the other person
Assertiveness
The degree to which we are interested in pursuing our own goals and interests
Extraversion
The degree to which we enjoy and gain energy from social interaction
Achievement motivation
The desire to attain a high standard of excellence in one's life pursuits
Body orientation
The direction your body is facing relative to those with whom you are interacting
Dominating
The dominating roommate aggressively pursues her goal and does not give in a inch to the other person; if the dominator is the pet-lover she insists on getting a pet and assumes that the roommate will just deal with it. This might include efforts to convince the roommate why a pet is a good idea and "bulldozing" until she gets her way
Social exchange theory
The general principle that, in relationships, we want the best we can get for what we have to offer, and we might "exchange" what we have for something a potential partner is offering
Consequence
The impact the behavior had on you That's why I have not been returning your calls
Compromising
The pet-lover gets a pet and keeps it out of the space where the anti-pet roommate is; she does not get a pet but sometimes keeps foster pets
Integrating
The roommates discuss the issue to determine where the underlying goals are for each party, and re-conceptualize the conflict with the new information. Then one roommate volunteers at the human society to get "hands-on" pet time, or the other roommate realizes she's open to trying something new
Work centrality
The significance of work in a person's life
Informational rewards
To inform a person that he or she has done well at the end of the task
Win-win method
To meet the needs of each party fully, without making sacrifices
Emotional description
To state the emotion you felt when the behavior occurred I'm feeling overwhelmed
Patience
Tolerance for uncertainty
Passive-aggressive behavior
When a person acts passive on the outside, but secretly commits some type of aggression against the other person Passive aggressive behavior neither solves problems NOR maintains relationships
Stonewalling
When one partner withdraws from a conversation, either by clamming up of by physically leaving the room and the discussion
Ask for clarification
When the criticism is unclear
Guess about specifics
When the criticism is unclear but you think you might know what the critic is talking about
Avoiding
When the roommates realize they have a potential conflict on their hands, they ignore it. IF the avoider is the roommate and does not want the pet, she keeps quiet about it and hopes it's just a passing whim. If a pet does arrive on the scene, she just avoids it or spends less time at home
Ask what the critic wants you to do differently
When you do not know that the critic wants
Ask about the consequences of your behavior
When you don't know how the issue is relevant to the critic
Ask if something is wrong
When you think that the critic is displacing anger onto you
Asking for help
Women want help men do not want to ask for help
Relative language
Words or phrases that "gain their meaning by comparison."
Problem orientation
Working collaboratively with partners to share decision-making
Certainty vs. Provisionalism
You are going to flunck out if you do not get your act together
Evaluation vs. Description
You are not doing very well in school this term
You-statement
You are so unreliable
Warmer climates
allow people to be outside and interact with each other year-round more than cold-climate regions and they they have developed more expressive communication patterns Low contact cultures include:Europe, Great Britain, North America..
men
are more prone to responding aggressively when their space in invaded Women are more likely to accommodate the intrusion
Creative problem-solving
can play an key role in effective conflict resoultion
Compromisers
characterized by higher agreeableness, higher openess to experience, higher neuroticism
Collectivist
cultures, show greater preference for relationship-oriented leadership
One common type of avoiding behavior
downplay the significance of the issue Second: distracting technique Third: deny the actual existence of the conflict
High-context communication
relies more heavily on attention to these contextual details and less on explicit language to transmit the message. Is INDIRECT(abstract) trusting that the listener will be able to interpret the vague language of the speaker based on an in-depth understanding of the context. Arabia and Japan
Avoiders
reported lower extraversion,lower conscientiousness, higher neuroticism
men
tend to see the world in a hierarchical way, focusing on status and powers and employing aggression to compete their way to a higher status
Leadership motivation
the desire to influence others and to accept the responsibilities that come with this type of power
interdependant relationship
we mean that both or all parties have a stake in continuing the relationship or that they depend on the other person in some way