Propaganda Section E

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The lawyer argued to the jury: "When the East Street Bank burned, the defendant was employed as a clerk; when the Hilton suffered the worst hotel fire in this nation's history, the defendant was employed as a security guard. Now Perkins Department Store finds the defendant employed there as a clerk and they have been experiencing a lot of shoplifting. I ask you what else can you return but a decision of guilty?"

1 Concurrency

The new Superintendent of Schools must be doing a great job. She has only been in office for six months, and student test results have risen by 8% already.

1 Concurrency

The sergeant at the nuclear missile base in the Arctic sees blips on his radar screen. He calls the captain over and tells him: "Looks like missiles headed this way from the north." The captain tries to call headquarters to report the incident but is told the call won't go through. The captain tells the sergeant, "The missile attack has knocked out our telephone system. This is no drill. Give the order to fire our missiles at the enemy!"

1 Concurrency

The test scores of school children in the United States were highest when the Bible was taught in school. It is obvious that the removal of the Bible from the classroom has brought about the decline of education in America.

1 Concurrency

There are more churches in New York City than in any other city in the nation, and more crimes are committed in New York than anywhere else. So, if we are to eliminate the criminal, we must abolish the church.

1 Concurrency

Tourist A: "Do you really believe that voodoo priest has supernatural powers?" Tourist B: "Of course, I do. Didn't you hear the thunder as he was performing the ceremonial chant?"

1 Concurrency

When Isaac was writing programs for our company, our customer relations were the worst that we have ever had. We had negative reports from the field all the time. Now that Isaac is gone, our customers seem to like our sales force and our products a lot more. I'm glad Isaac left.

1 Concurrency

When the team played without Daugherty, they lost. When Daugherty played, they won. It's plain to see that Daugherty is the reason.

1 Concurrency

While taking therapy from the hypnotist, five White Sox players batted 50 points above their lifetime batting averages. We should hire a hypnotist to help our team.

1 Concurrency

Who was standing across the street from the school when it caught on fire? Jeff Lang. Who was on 4th Street when the bank on 5th Street was held up? Jane Lang. Those Langs must be bad luck!

1 Concurrency

My friend told me that his mother's picture fell off the wall in his home in Alabama and that his mother died in Alaska the next day. He says that his mother would still be alive had the picture not fallen.

2 Post Hoc

Nobody can find our network problem, but I know whose fault it is. We were running all right until we installed that Dummox concentrator. Right after that we began having glitches and downtime.

2 Post Hoc

Of course George Bush was the cause of the positive Republican outlook in this country. Ever since he left office, Republicans have become increasingly angry with the national government.

2 Post Hoc

Of course the Saints are having a winning season. Don't you remember that in September the Pope gave them his blessing?

2 Post Hoc

Our daughter played with the Smith children during the summer, and now she is talking back and lying to me. They must be the cause of her behavior.

2 Post Hoc

Our schools showed a dramatic increase in math and reading scores in grades 1 to 3 last year. That new superintendent they hired a year ago from Timbuktu has done a super job.

2 Post Hoc

Right after Martha Ferkol joined our company, the charges of unethical conduct tripled for the next three months. It's too bad we made a commitment to such a devious woman.

2 Post Hoc

Right after Republican Dan King was put into office, Hurricane Greg hit the East Coast. After Republican Elise Hanson was elected, an earthquake measuring 6.7 hit California. There is no way that I'm going to vote for a Republican in the upcoming election; I don't want another natural disaster.

2 Post Hoc

Right after the Israelis vacated the West Bank, the whole weather pattern changed here in the Middle East. We now have plenty of rain and nice cool days. I wish they had pulled out earlier.

2 Post Hoc

Roosevelt was the president who started so many welfare programs and began pouring Federal dollars into the programs. Then segments of the American people began thinking the government owed them a living. That's why we have so many on welfare today.

2 Post Hoc

Since the Hendrix racing team started using Quaker State Motor Oil, they finished first and second in the Winston Cup Standings.

2 Post Hoc

The President and the Congress lowered the tax rate during the 1990s. Soon after, our Federal deficit increased greatly. We can't live with that type of administration. Our country will go broke.

2 Post Hoc

The Saints preseason was great, then they won five in a row. Clearly it's good to get a winning start during the preseason.

2 Post Hoc

The Saints won all their pre-season games last year. Then they made the playoffs for the first time. Clearly it is good to get a winning start during the pre-season.

2 Post Hoc

You wonder why I believe in astrology? Well, last week I called one of those 900 numbers and the counselor checked my chart and said I would have good fortune soon. And yesterday I won $25 in the state Lotto contest.

2 Post Hoc

From now on, I'm going to use Aflin when I have a cold. After suffering with headaches, congestion, and sneezing for three days, I finally took some Aflin and my cold was gone the next day!

2 Post Hoc - not a "no technique" because the cold may have gone away on its own after three days

"Only men are able to describe their own society through the novel," says literature professor Dumassky. "Just look at the list - Conrad, Fitzgerald, Capote - all men."

3 Selected Instances

"Teachers don't need more benefits," said the State Superintendent. "In California they have had a very respectable starting salary of $23,500, and in Kansas their retirement plan is second to none."

3 Selected Instances

"The Democrats will never win the Presidency this year," remarked the chairman. "Paul Simon, Dick Gephardt, and Al Gore are much too weak to be president."

3 Selected Instances

A historian was a critic of the church. He argued that the church is the enemy of humanitarianism. "Consider the bloody crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, and the witch trials," he said.

3 Selected Instances

A new study by the Environmental Protection Agency says that the nation's air, water, and land are cleaner and better protected than they were 30 years ago, though sprawl and air quality continue to pose challenges for the nation. But the survey's credibility was compromised by reports that the White House deleted information that pointed to climate change as a significant problem. The report also makes no mention of potential harm to humans and wildlife from pesticides and industrial chemicals, and it contains little data on environmental health risks that are especially threatening to children.

3 Selected Instances

A political scientist recently noted that the two most impoverished and starving nations on the face of the Earth, Sudan and Ethiopia, are both communist regimes. He emphatically declared that starvation and poverty are natural consequences of a communist form of government.

3 Selected Instances

A survey comparing the attitudes of business executives and college students was set up by heavily weighting the group of executives to include top corporate heads. The survey picked students at random, not picking leaders at all except by chance. Based on the answers, the conclusion was drawn that students would work with the Establishment.

3 Selected Instances

Ad: "Rogaine goes to the root of the hair and, for some people, helps it to grow."

3 Selected Instances

Ad: "The new Pontiac-GMC Division has already struck gold. In the recent J.D. Power Appeal Study, the Pontiac-GMS Division captured four 'Most Appealing' Awards. This is out of eleven such awards given."

3 Selected Instances

After studying our space program in detail, I find the United States using space for communications satellites, space laboratories, weather forecasting, and scientific research. How can anyone think the United States wants to militarize space?

3 Selected Instances

Chairman of the U.S. Senate Armed Forces Sub-Committee: "Military spending is out of control. Consider this - screwdrivers at $22 apiece that sell for $2.95 at Sears and hammers at $34 that sell for $5.95 at K-Mart."

3 Selected Instances

Clinton's Presidency has been a disaster. Interest rates are up, which slows down the economy. America has less respect around the world. Peace is no closer in Bosnia and Somalia. He will answer for all this in the next election.

3 Selected Instances

Democratic e-mail to supporters: "Remember when George Bush was trying to convince us he has a 'mandate' to dismantle Social Security? Turns out that even some members of his own party don't believe it. Republican Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins have refused to endorse Bush's privatization scheme. Even one of Bush's top White House advisors was quoted anonymously today as concerned that losing on Social Security now will cause Republicans to lose Senate races next year. My question is: where's the vaunted Republican party discipline when they really need it?"

3 Selected Instances

Editorial from world famous newspaper: "The world is rapidly becoming a dangerous place. Witness the attempt to murder the pope. Witness the murders in San Rafael of a judge and three others in the courthouse. Witness the abduction and murder of the Quebec labor minister. There may be no safety soon."

3 Selected Instances

Even young children can master the game of Propaganda. At the last tournament two students in Elementary Division made perfect scores.

3 Selected Instances

Ferd: "Gore will definitely win the presidential election." Nerd: "How can you be so sure?" Ferd: "Well, Bush is too old; Perot is too short; and Monica wasn't his intern."

3 Selected Instances

Friend to neighbor: "John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt, Rutherford Hayes, and John Kennedy all went to Harvard and later became President. They were all great men and trusted leaders. I'm sending my son to Harvard so he can share in that legacy."

3 Selected Instances

General Motors. IBM. A.T.&T. Intel. What do these giant companies have in common? They all rely on Cullen and Smith for their investment counseling. Shouldn't you depend on Cullen and Smith also?

3 Selected Instances

George Washington, basketball star Shawn Camp, and corporate president Randy McNally all have risen to prominent positions without a college education. A college education is simply unnecessary to equip a person for success in life.

3 Selected Instances

I know LSU will win its conference this year. Their defensive unit, won national recognition last year. Billy Cannon won the Heisman Trophy. The coach, Paul Dietzel, went on to fame and fortune. You should bet on LSU, too.

3 Selected Instances

If you want to buy tickets to the next Olympics in Atlanta, make sure you take your Visa card because the Olympics don't take American Express. And if you want to eat Southern Fried Chicken at Shecky's in Atlanta, bring your Visa card because Shecky doesn't take American Express.

3 Selected Instances

In her four years as governor, my opponent has raised taxes on cigarettes and hotel rooms. Yet she claims she has not used taxes to balance the budget!

3 Selected Instances

International political commentator who has much experience and knowledge: "None of the Russian republics will ever really break away from the Soviet Union. Just look at Kirgizia and Kazakhtan. They are clinging desperately to the Union for defense and economic support."

3 Selected Instances

It's election time. My opponent says he's against taxes but he voted in 1995 to raise your property taxes. He says he's against crime but he voted against the 1996 bill to raise the penalty for robbery. I'm against taxes and crime and you can rely on me.

3 Selected Instances

Most people favored the taste of our gravy over Heintz. Try Mama's Old Style Gravy.

3 Selected Instances

National economic adviser Ronald Epstein: "The African nations will be a worldwide economic force by the year 2010. Just look at South Africa and Zimbabwe. They already control world markets in diamonds and platinum."

3 Selected Instances

Palm Beach County is the best at academic games. Just look: last year we won Elementary LinguiSHTIK, Middle Presidents, and Senior Propaganda.

3 Selected Instances

Political ad on television accompanied by pictures of the criminals mentioned: "Devon Manson, Paul Zarella, Simon Smith, Lex Luthor - all these criminals committed murder or rape after being released on bail by Judge Morris Reed. Vote for Mary Jenkins for judge. She'll keep arrested criminals behind bars."

3 Selected Instances

Politician: "Sam Vandance and Paula Perceptive, two of the nation's leading economists, say that my opponent's economic plan means higher taxes and bigger deficits. My way is better."

3 Selected Instances

President Bush: "I'm a little tired of hearing from Democrats that we have no domestic agenda. Our national drug policy is working, and our crime package is the most comprehensive in American history."

3 Selected Instances

Senator Masterson: "We need that nuclear power plant in our state. Why, Florida's power costs fell 10% in its nuclear plant. And New Mexico has had no safety problems with nuclear plants. Let's do it."

3 Selected Instances

Sex discrimination is now a thing of the past in America: California, Oregon, and Washington have all passed the Equal Rights Amendment.

3 Selected Instances

Sports editor of a national newspaper: "High-priced stars never get in shape or are always hurt. Just look at Barry Bonds with his pulled hamstring muscle and Mark Prior with his bad hand. Superstars are a waste."

3 Selected Instances

TV ad: "In the recent NASCAR trials, Mox cars won big. Mox Sport Coupe won in Class VIII; Mox Compact won in Class II; Mox Sedan won in Class V. This is clear proof of Mox's superiority."

3 Selected Instances

The "gray market" for consumer goods in China must be very high because the IBM PC's offered for sale are brought into China under the gray market - models brought in without official permits from Washington. China, however, has a consumer market tightly controlled by its government.

3 Selected Instances

The 60 Minutes program did an interview with a 133-year-old Russian woman. She admitted that she smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. The announcer concluded, "Who says cigarette smoking is bad for your health?"

3 Selected Instances

The Chicago Cubs are pushing Kerry Wood as one of the best pitchers in baseball. They highlight his 19-strikeout game and the fact that he has pitched three near no-hitters in his career.

3 Selected Instances

The Subaru SUV is at the top of the heap. We were selected by the New Hampshire Auto Association as the top SUV in our class. We also won the smartest new SUV design by the Midwest Auto Mall Dealers. You need to come look at the Subaru SUV today.

3 Selected Instances

The chemist at Urbane Labs made hundreds of tests on a new cold remedy. He then reported to his boss: "This product is below average in its ability to curb nasal drip. I think we should reject it."

3 Selected Instances

The schools in Louisiana seem to be very dangerous at the present time. Just look at the recent slayings at Booker T. Washington, Slidell High, and Destrehan High.

3 Selected Instances

Tom Barksome, a computer expert, said, "All home computers are junk. The Sinclair 1000 is worthless and the TRS-80 is trash."

3 Selected Instances

Visit West Virginia. It has the most beautiful scenery in the country. Look at Florida - no mountains, just flat lands. And look at New York - so busy that you'll get dizzy. West Virginia is just right, with mountains to set the scene and a relaxed atmosphere to soothe your soul.

3 Selected Instances

What do you mean Propaganda is a hard game? Section D is an easy section. I'm sure you'll be able to learn the rest of the sections in no time.

3 Selected Instances

What do you mean, my questions are too hard? Last week most of the players got numbers 3, 7, and 9 right.

3 Selected Instances

Which has more of the year's top movies - Showtime or HBO? Well, Showtime has Robocop and HBO doesn't; Showtime has Outrageous Fortune and HBO doesn't; Showtime has Living Daylights and HBO doesn't.

3 Selected Instances

Your family is weird. I met your sister, your father, and your cousin. They're all crazy.

3 Selected Instances

"It looks as if the Saints football team has turned it around this year and will have a high-scoring offense for a change," said Kyle after the Saints' opening day 33-21 win over the Texans.

4 Hasty Generalization

A consumer was armed with statistics from Consumer's Guide on the strong performance of Volvos. However, he abandoned his plans to buy a Volvo when he heard a horror story about his friend's Volvo.

4 Hasty Generalization

A doctor told Celtics basketball star Reggie Lewis he didn't have a heart problem, and two months later he dropped dead. Why should I give my hard-earned money to a doctor whose opinion might be wrong?

4 Hasty Generalization

A student has taken two courses in college. He has found them to be very difficult and not very interesting. He decides to abandon his studies and leave school.

4 Hasty Generalization

After observing the garbage problem in New York City for one weekend, a tourist was heard to remark, "I guess all New Yorkers throw their garbage out of their windows!"

4 Hasty Generalization

After watching the Indians play five exhibition games, Hal said, "They're going to win the pennant this year."

4 Hasty Generalization

All ten men who came into the store today to buy cigarettes bought "Camels." That proves it - men prefer "Camels."

4 Hasty Generalization

Average citizen commenting on Russian events: "It won't be long before all of the Soviet Union is broken up. Lithuania is about to become an independent nation, and Moldavia is reuniting with Romania."

4 Hasty Generalization

Campaign manager speaking: "We are sure to win this New Jersey election. The first three counties that we have visited have been overwhelmingly in support of us."

4 Hasty Generalization

Daughter to mother on a shopping trip: "Mom, Pop Smart popcorn is the best brand to buy. I just switched from Butter Lite Popping Corn, and Pop Smart had no burnt kernels left in the very first bag!"

4 Hasty Generalization

Democratic voter in the Midwest: "Jerry Brown has just won the Democratic primary in Connecticut. He's sure to go on to be the next President."

4 Hasty Generalization

Don't believe all those nice tourist brochures about Turkey! Turkey is a terrible place for tourists. My sister went there and had the most awful time!

4 Hasty Generalization

Dr. Hargood selected a dozen Mars candy bars from the local store. His tests determined that six of those candy bars contained poison. He concluded that all Mars candy bars are potentially dangerous.

4 Hasty Generalization

Equations player to her teammate at the next table: "I just won the first two shakes in five minutes. I'm going to win this match and make it to the playoffs."

4 Hasty Generalization

Everyone I talked to at Tony's Bar is against Clinton. I'm sure he won't be reelected.

4 Hasty Generalization

George Bush got confused about the date of Pearl Harbor during a speech the other day. I don't know that much about him but if he can get confused that easily, he's not fit to be president.

4 Hasty Generalization

I got inside the dorm and looked around. There was a couple making a nest on a sofa. There was a girl running around in a bikini. What kind of students does this university have? They're all wrapped up in sex.

4 Hasty Generalization

I know they said that the vote on the new School Board tax was going to be close. But I am helping with the telephone poll, and my first four callers were all in favor of the tax. We are going to win the new tax easily.

4 Hasty Generalization

I met Mrs. Gallant, a teacher at West Bring Academy, and she was so helpful. Then, when I went to East Lakes School, I met Mr. Lance, and he did everything he could to get rid of me. He was just too busy to answer my questions. Well, that settles it. My little Johnny is definitely going to West Bring Academy. I don't want him going to a school where the teachers have no time for him.

4 Hasty Generalization

I originally wanted to attend UCLA after graduation from high school. I changed my mind after a Saturday morning tour of the campus. The admissions director seemed to be in a hurry and didn't have time to answer all my questions. One student I met in the student union was very rude, and the campus police placed a ticket for illegal parking on my car. I'll never attend UCLA.

4 Hasty Generalization

James shoots his wife! Smith's daughter runs off with the band director! Adair sets fire to his store to collect insurance! For God's sake, what is this county coming to?

4 Hasty Generalization

Judging by this round, people who write Propaganda questions are Democrats.

4 Hasty Generalization

Letter to a newspaper advice columnist: "I went out with Susan for a year but she broke off our relationship. Then I dated Mary for six months until she dumped me. The vast majority of women are not interested in a sincere, hardworking guy with only average looks."

4 Hasty Generalization

Look, Joan, I saw that white South African policeman beat up the black demonstrator. White South Africans are just prejudiced.

4 Hasty Generalization

Mary and Alice are going right out to buy the new album by the Puke Faces. Boy, I bet they sell a million of those CDs.

4 Hasty Generalization

Melissa took her first art course in high school. She didn't like the teacher and was not satisfied with her year-end project. She vowed never to take another art course.

4 Hasty Generalization

My car stalled on the street the other day. Before I got going again, five cars passed by. Two were driven by adult males who swore at me. Another was driven by a woman who shouted, "You stupid idiot, why don't you learn how to drive?" The other two cars, driven by high school students, stopped and their young drivers offered assistance. This shows me that, contrary to all the talk you hear, students are a lot more decent than their parents.

4 Hasty Generalization

My mother told me that she was really impressed with the mathematicians she met at the conference in China in May. Boy, the Chinese people must be math whizzes. I wonder how they got that way?

4 Hasty Generalization

No one on your school team is any good. I've seen Jones, Henshaw, and Riley. You can't get any worse.

4 Hasty Generalization

On the first day of school, I ripped my pants, and a kindergarten kid threw up on me. This is not going to be a good year.

4 Hasty Generalization

Oregonians are especially cold people. On our trip through there last summer, our two motel owners and three waitresses were very rude and abrupt.

4 Hasty Generalization

Student to a teacher after taking a test: "You alternated two forms of the test. You gave me Form B. I noticed when I turned in my test that the first three students to turn in their tests all did Form A. So Form A was easier than Form B. You should give all of us who had Form B some bonus points."

4 Hasty Generalization

Teacher A talking to teacher B as they grade math tests: A: "Boy, the Einsteins are excellent math students!" B: "Is that so?" A: "Oh yes. My new students, Frick and Frack Einstein, got the first three questions on my math test correct."

4 Hasty Generalization

The Florida Marlins have been awesome in the first 12 games of spring training baseball. It looks as if they are a shoo-in to win their division this year.

4 Hasty Generalization

The principals at Rocking Elementary and Horse Middle Schools were really complaining about their budget printouts this morning. They were all messed up. I'll bet all 96 schools have fouled up budgets.

4 Hasty Generalization

The students at that school are very unfriendly. The last time we played football there, someone threw a rock at the bus.

4 Hasty Generalization

The two golf courses we played in Florida were absolutely gorgeous. Florida must have the most beautiful golf courses in the world.

4 Hasty Generalization

Tom: "All blondes are dumb." Jim: "How do you figure that?" Tom: "Well, I've dated Jane and Terry and Kathy, and all three are dumb blondes."

4 Hasty Generalization

Tourist after visiting Paris for a week: "The French people are rude and abrupt. They do not care about other people. I don't even want to see the rest of France."

4 Hasty Generalization

Wholehog, a chemist, found a flaw in Plastic G-103, the first flaw he had seen from Company G. His recommendation was, "Do not purchase plastics from Company G."

4 Hasty Generalization

Wow, the new School Board voted at its first meeting to reprimand the Superintendent for some of her recent decisions. The Superintendent can expect nothing but trouble from this Board.

4 Hasty Generalization

A student in a ballet class was overheard saying, "Mona's sister has enrolled in my ballet class. Mona was a complete klutz, and I'm sure her sister will be, too."

5 Faulty Analogy

Ad: "Crest is a vitamin? Well, vitamins help keep your body strong. Crest does the same for your teeth. Vitamins help sustain your body's health. So does Crest for your teeth. Vitamins build up your body's resistance to disease. Crest builds your teeth's resistance to cavities. Is Crest a vitamin? Yes, you might say so."

5 Faulty Analogy

Ad: "Scotchgard on your windows protects your furniture and drapes from the harmful effects of the sun just as Aloe Vera protects your skin from the sun's harmful rays. To prevent sunburn, use Scotchgard on your skin."

5 Faulty Analogy

Ad: "The U.S. Dream Team won the basketball gold medal at the 1992 Olympics. Our dream team will install a new computer network in your office and maintain it for three months. Contact Dream Networks today."

5 Faulty Analogy

Roger is one of the most polite and considerate people I have ever met. I found out that he is from Minnesota. That new girl in the office is from Minnesota too. I can't wait to work with her.

5 Faulty Analogy

Ronald Reagan became Governor of California and President after a successful acting career. Clint Eastwood has a big future in politics also.

5 Faulty Analogy

Sign at an anti-war rally: "Bush is to Christianity as Osama is to Islam."

5 Faulty Analogy

Sweden, the United States, and Italy all have Republican forms of government. They would make a good International Trading Bloc.

5 Faulty Analogy

The Auburn Tigers won all eleven games they played last year. Tigers are tough. Our Clemson Tiger team is sure to go undefeated this year.

5 Faulty Analogy

The Patriots won the On-Sets competition. So they're the favorites to win Propaganda.

5 Faulty Analogy

The Russian leader Gorbachev gave his people some freedoms, but he remained loyal to the Communist Party. Boris Yeltsin, the new Russian leader, can't be trusted. He'll be loyal to the Communists too.

5 Faulty Analogy

The most rational way of considering the human race today is to see it as the crew of a spaceship on which all of us, with a remarkable combination of security and vulnerability, are making our pilgrimage through infinity. And just as some pilgrims get to Mecca and some do not, so some of the race will get to the cosmic goal and some will not.

5 Faulty Analogy

The political leaders of Brazil, Argentina, and Peru all govern predominantly Catholic countries. I'm sure that all three leaders will support our anti-abortion world-wide campaign.

5 Faulty Analogy

The pro-western rulers are on their way out in the Middle East. It's only a matter of time before the King of Saudi Arabia suffers the same fate as the Shah of Iran.

5 Faulty Analogy

Your car is like an old friend. Just as you choose your friends carefully, so should you choose your car wisely. Come to Downtown Dodge and we'll help you with that choice.

5 Faulty Analogy

Ad for an investment company: "At UBS, our teams are dedicated to understanding your needs, delivering the right kind of solutions, and helping you to succeed. Of course, this demands first-rate advisory capabilities across investment banking, equities, fixed income, rates, and foreign exchange. Our first-rate teams in these areas make UBS one of the world's preeminent investment banks."

6 Composition

Ad for the Ohio State University Medical Center: "At Ohio State, we're known for our championship team. And our football team is pretty good, too. On our championship team, you'll find leading-edge researchers, nationally-recognized doctors, nurses, teachers, and some of the nation's brightest medical students all within walking distance of each other. Everyone here is focused on a single goal: improving the lives of our patients."

6 Composition

Ad: "Vitamite contains all the ingredients necessary for your daily energy requirements."

6 Composition

Andrea is a phenomenal violinist. I heard her play last season, and she astounded me. Then this season, I heard Jennifer play the piano in her annual benefit performance. Her music gave me chills! I can't wait for them to play together; it will definitely be a monumental event.

6 Composition

Anita Freedman and Elise Wells are both awesome tennis players. I bet if they competed in the doubles competition, they would win.

6 Composition

Clarins Moisture Magic has the best natural moisturizers, the best skin smoothers, and the best muscle toners. It is ideal for your body.

6 Composition

Customer to architect: "I want to be sure of getting the best. I want you to design me a house with the best features of Dutch, colonial, Georgian, ranch style, and contemporary."

6 Composition

Customer to designer: "I want the best. I want you to design me a wardrobe with the best features of the French, Italian, and Japanese designs."

6 Composition

Did you know that President Hernandez has almost abolished crime in Urokay; President Mogambi has raised the Belibeeni national income 500%; Premier Pinski of Fingeria has cut his nation's unemployment to 1/2 of 1%. We ought to import all three to the U.S. They would form a fantastic cabinet and solve our national problems.

6 Composition

Earl Campbell and George Rogers are both excellent running backs. Our team should be unstoppable on the run.

6 Composition

Every action has some goal or meaning. Therefore, life as a whole must have some goal or meaning.

6 Composition

Every member of the United States college all-star team is an All-American player. So I know they'll defeat the professional champions in the exhibition game.

6 Composition

From a political speech: "Democracy is based on the principle that if each person votes according to what is best for him, society will prosper."

6 Composition

Hand-picked leaders of each of the world's top religions - Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, and Baptist - are meeting for the next two weeks to discuss issues related to peace. This group should be able to come up with some far-reaching decisions.

6 Composition

I can hardly wait for July to get here! We have hired that chemical company Vice President who is such a super leader. And we have the outstanding budget director from Honda of Florida coming in. Plus, our new sales director from Amway International. We should really jell this summer!

6 Composition

I love to eat oranges. Celery always tastes great to me, and rice is one of my favorite foods. I think that I shall make a salad of all three. It will be delicious.

6 Composition

I want my new home to be a real showcase of the very best in architectural harmony and elegance. Consequently I have instructed my architect to design it using the best features of Dutch Colonial, Georgia, and Ranch styles.

6 Composition

I would like to hire Maltese and Falcon as the last two members of our investment business. Maltese is an expert on short sales, and Falcon was the top bond producer in the state last year. They will make our company the best.

6 Composition

Let's get Billy from the Warriors, plus Marcos from the Pistons, and Reggie from the Lakers. They are the three highest scorers in our Youth League. With them together, we will be unbeatable.

6 Composition

Lubonavia is a very powerful country. So is Helvania. Together they could conquer the world!

6 Composition

New Orleans Saints Bobby Hebert, Hokie Gajan, and Rickie Jackson are healthy and performing well. The Saints should win the division this year.

6 Composition

One parent to another: "Joseph Stalin High School has the highest rated political science department, the highest rated economics department, and a successful agriculture program. It must be the best school in the county."

6 Composition

Our academic games team was put together after many competitions. Only the very best students were selected. Surely our team will win the national championship.

6 Composition

Roger Campbell, Malcolm Muggeridge, and Robyn Renfro have all agreed to join us in producing our new Personal Growth seminar. They have each put together their own fantastic seminars, and each is a star speaker. Our new seminar is going to be incredible.

6 Composition

Since all men are mortal, it follows that the human race must some day come to an end.

6 Composition

Since you love pineapple, sausage and celery, why not put them together on your pizza? That'll surely be great!

6 Composition

Student in a music store: "I like this group's new single. So I'm sure that the entire CD will be just as good. I think I'll buy it."

6 Composition

TV ad: "If you love ketchup and you love onions, you'll really love Heinz's new Ketchup and Onions."

6 Composition

The Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza will be the most beautiful in the world. It was specially grown on the Garst Tree Farm, the lights were made by Owens Corning Glass Company, and the decorations were supplied by Macy's.

6 Composition

The Renegades have three of the top ten individuals in the final Propaganda standings. They must have won the team championship.

6 Composition

The aloe plant is widely known to help in the healing of minor cuts, scrapes, and burns. The poppy plant extract is used in pharmaceutical drugs. Doctors in burn centers should utilize pharmaceutical drugs containing Aloe Vera to help in the healing process of their patients.

6 Composition

The new President of the university intends to satisfy the demands of the students, the faculty, the administrative staff, and the board of trustees. The result will be a much stronger university.

6 Composition

The revised program of General Education at Forehan University represents the work of a committee of seven distinguished faculty members. The product is, of course, equally distinguished.

6 Composition

Alabama won the national championship in football this year. So it really doesn't matter which one of the Alabama players the Steelers are able to draft. They're sure to have an outstanding rookie.

7 Division

America is the wealthiest nation in the history of the world. So it is absurd to say that poverty is a problem for America.

7 Division

Art must be a good actor; the play he was in was booked solid for three years on Broadway.

7 Division

Because Miami has the top-rated team in the nation, I'm putting my money on quarterback Vinny Testaverde to win the coveted Heisman Trophy this year.

7 Division

Danny plays for the Rock Eagle football team, the new state champions. So he must be a star.

7 Division

Did you hear the Boston Pops play on July 4th? They are incredible! I cannot wait until this summer when three of their musicians are coming to perform for us at camp. They will be outstanding.

7 Division

Don't go to ECON-CAR. Let's rent from the Mertz agent. His agency is part of the best national chain.

7 Division

Donald Rawls has been part of the pastoral staff at Willow Creek Church near Chicago for the past 12 years. Willow Creek is one of the three largest and fastest-growing churches in America. We need to hire him as our new pastor. He will be just what we need for our struggling church.

7 Division

Everybody said that Thurgood Marshall was a champion of the small and downtrodden. But Justice Marshall was a member of some of the most conservative Supreme Courts that ever existed in the nation's history. He could not have been a liberal coming from that type of Court.

7 Division

Fan at a baseball game: "The Yankees are an arrogant team of selfish millionaires. I wouldn't trade for one of them, not even Derek Jeter."

7 Division

Felicia Rashad is a cinch to win an Emmy. After all, The Cosby Show won Emmys for three years in a row.

7 Division

George Bush has been Vice-President in the Reagan administration that has restored this nation's pride, strengthened the military, and improved the economy. George will make a great President in his own right.

7 Division

Hans must be a good student because it is well known that Germans are good students.

7 Division

I hope the Saints draft a defensive back from Miami. Miami's defensive backfield led the nation in interceptions last year.

7 Division

I'm looking forward to meeting Don McBride, our new manager of technical operations. He has been working for MicroDyne, the leading computer software company in the Northeast. I'm sure we will learn a lot from him.

7 Division

If we can get Ramona as our advertising manager, our computer sales should increase dramatically. Ramona is now part of the Wizard Wonders ad company that took General Foods to the top of the sales charts last year.

7 Division

Let's hire Ms. Rogers for our company. She formerly worked for the Welch Group, which was the top producing business in all of Kansas City.

7 Division

Mary Alice lives over in Pleasure Estates with all of those other rich, snooty kids who think they are better than everyone. I don't even want to meet her.

7 Division

McGraw-Hill is the fastest growing publishing company. We'll adopt their science text since the company is the best in the South.

7 Division

McNuggett must be a very poor On-Sets player. His team is in last place in the division.

7 Division

NBA coach speaking: "Every NBA team has a majority of black players. Some even start five black players. Blacks in the NBA are clearly superior. If we have to choose between cutting Murphy or Mount, we ought to keep Murphy, the black. He is certain to be better."

7 Division

Of course this makeup will be right for me. It's by Benetton, the best name in the world in beauty aids.

7 Division

The Democratic party is corrupt. Pam Smith appears to be an attractive candidate. However, she's a Democrat. So I'm not voting for her.

7 Division

The Republican administration of the past 12 years has nearly destroyed this nation, crippling it economically and giving little or no hope to middle and lower income Americans. Former Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara of that administration is not fit to run for any public office this year.

7 Division

The Westview Soccer Association is the best league in the state. Richard, our new forward, played in that league last year. We are bound to win the district championship with him on our team.

7 Division

The teacher said the class is doing excellent work. So I should get a good grade.

7 Division

Three football players from schools with the top-ranked teams in our county transferred to our high school this year. They include a quarterback, a running back, and a wide receiver. We will certainly win our division this year.

7 Division

Tulane is playing Ole Miss this week. Ole Miss will be tough because they're in the Southeastern Conference which everyone agrees is the strongest conference in the country.

7 Division

Yes, my knees have been hurting since I began those leg weight workouts. But they are part of the FirmBody plan that has built up all of the Mr. and Ms. Body champions of the past three years. I'm sure the workouts are OK.

7 Division

You can be sure that your new puppy will be a champion one day. He comes from a long line of great show dogs with equally long pedigrees.

7 Division

Ad: "Hobie Cat has invested $5 million in the last ten years in support of the Special Olympics. Imagine the quality of our earth movers!"

8 Non Sequitur

Ad: "If Converse shoes were good enough to go on your grandfather's and father's feet, why wouldn't Converse be the best athletic shoe for you too?"

8 Non Sequitur

Ad: "We know you work hard to provide what's best for your family: long days, overtime, and sometimes, even weekends. We also know that you want your children to have a healthy diet. So here at Health Heart Foods, we put a little bit of heart and health into each one of our frozen entrees. Buy one today."

8 Non Sequitur

Ad: "When your colleagues talk about your organization, they're really talking about you and your ability to lead. That's why you should be reading Harvard Business Review."

8 Non Sequitur

Ad: "You deserve a more vibrant skin tone, higher energy level, and increased stamina. Drink Heinke Natural Fruit Juices."

8 Non Sequitur

After spending 45 minutes explaining the seasonal changes in the atmosphere, a teacher was asked the following question. "Mr. Smith, why has the fall dance been postponed?"

8 Non Sequitur

Appearing before a Senate subcommittee on organized crime, the alleged organized crime leader took the fifth amendment many times, saying "I refuse to answer on the grounds that the answer could incriminate me." Senator Claghorn claimed that the fact that the witness hid behind the fifth amendment so many times proved he is guilty of the charges against him.

8 Non Sequitur

Be part of America's Heritage of Freedom. Join the National Rifle Association.

8 Non Sequitur

Budweiser says, "Know When to Say When." Drink a Bud now!

8 Non Sequitur

Democrats have always stood up for the little guy. We can be sure that they will increase Aid to Dependent Children.

8 Non Sequitur

Dining at the Ritz Restaurant is very expensive. People who eat there must get the best service.

8 Non Sequitur

Every second counts when a burglary, fire, or medical emergency occurs. And no one else makes those seconds count like Blink's Home Security.

8 Non Sequitur

From a television commercial: "Man's only natural defense is his intelligence, and intelligent people drive Valvos."

8 Non Sequitur

From an automobile ad: "Robots are useful. Human beings, however, are indispensable. Colonel Motors is changing the way it builds cars, and it's helping the people who work there change with it. Machines can't take pride in their work. Colonel Motors workers can and do. Buy Colonel Motors cars; they're the best."

8 Non Sequitur

George Washington warned this nation against foreign alliances. So the president should not attend the upcoming conference in Europe.

8 Non Sequitur

If Phillips 66 puts that much effort into road surfaces, think how much they must put into gasoline, their primary product.

8 Non Sequitur

Jim is a conservative. So I'm sure he'll favor conservation.

8 Non Sequitur

Lithuanian candidate Andreas Vilnius is forceful, witty, and dynamic. He will surely be elected as Lithuania's next leader.

8 Non Sequitur

Margaret Haskins has taken the toughest courses available in computer programming, creative writing, and expository speech. She's going to be the best lawyer we have ever hired.

8 Non Sequitur

Maria was the best swimmer in the county last year. She was on the All-State Swimming Team. Let's vote for her for Class President.

8 Non Sequitur

Most of the computers in our new computer lab have trouble running our latest Math software. Somebody probably messed up installing that software.

8 Non Sequitur

Robert Malthus is one of the loudest, most crude human beings that I know. He cannot possibly know anything about investments. I will not listen to his advice.

8 Non Sequitur

Say NO to drugs. This message has been brought to you by the makers of extra-strength Tymenol - the fastest relief possible for headache pain.

8 Non Sequitur

Snickers sponsored this year's Special Olympics. If Snickers cares that much about the Special Olympians, think how much care they must take in making a healthy candy bar.

8 Non Sequitur

Super Cuts only cuts hair. So we can cut your hair better.

8 Non Sequitur

TV ad: "I love New York, but I love Miami more. We have what the world wants. This is where America's future is - Miami."

8 Non Sequitur

Tang is the breakfast drink that went to the Moon with the astronauts. Shouldn't you be buying your kids Tang?

8 Non Sequitur

The attendance at New Orleans football games during its first year in the league proves that New Orleans should have been accepted into the league long ago.

8 Non Sequitur

The movie Blockbuster earned over $100 million. You could not even get a ticket for the first two weekends. We have got to buy the cool Cadillac convertible shown in the opening scenes.

8 Non Sequitur

We all seek connection with a power greater than ourselves. We want hope for the future. We long to know that we are loved. Find your love and your connection to God. Come to United Church of God.

8 Non Sequitur

We are here in Miami with a large group of people who speak a different language from us. They will probably steal our wallets if they have a chance.

8 Non Sequitur

We meet here today in the midst of those who claim they do not like us. They would, perhaps, put us in prison if they had a chance.

8 Non Sequitur

We should bet on number 7 in the seventh race. 7 is my lucky number.

8 Non Sequitur

When Bill had to go to the state tournament with the team, the professor told him it was perfectly all right for him to miss class. So the professor doesn't care whether any of us come to class or not.

8 Non Sequitur

Whenever you need to reach out and touch someone, your passion and concern for them must come through. Reach and touch someone with Passion Flower perfume from Loreal.

8 Non Sequitur

You pay your taxes on time every year. Since 28% of the Federal budget is used for military purposes, you must be in favor of the president's program to build up the military power of this country.

8 Non Sequitur

You voted against the amendment that would allow the mayor to run for a third term. You must dislike the job he is doing.

8 Non Sequitur

Your children deserve the best education. Send them to Nova.

8 Non Sequitur

Your eyes are beams into your very self. They deserve to be cared for and highlighted. Clairol Eye Shadow provides them with the perfect accent.

8 Non Sequitur

Every August my Uncle Frederick visits us here in Florida and my electric bill is the highest of any month in the year. I'm not going to let Uncle Frederick come this August. I need to save some money on my electric bill.

1 Concurrency

From October to June when college is in session, the monthly auto accident rate in Kent is much higher than it is for the summer months. It is obvious that students are responsible for the high accident rate.

1 Concurrency

Hey, our school test scores sure went up this year. Our new principal has caused a big change in our students.

1 Concurrency

I drove to Baton Rouge on Monday. On Tuesday I weighed two pounds less. On Wednesday I drove to Lake Charles. Thursday the scale registered a one-pound loss. Driving is an excellent way to lose weight.

1 Concurrency

I wouldn't take the examination if I were you. Remember, today is Friday the 13th!

1 Concurrency

Joey was walking past room 213 when the teacher stepped out of the room, saw the stain on the carpet, and shouted at Joey, "What did you spill on this carpet?"

1 Concurrency

My students have been reading Scholastic Weekly for six weeks, and their test grades have improved markedly. I'm going to tell the principal to order Scholastic Weekly for all classes. It raises grades.

1 Concurrency

Non-smokers were found by one investigator to show greater social participation in organizations and to hold more offices than smokers. The investigator concluded that smoking was a cause of anti-social behavior.

1 Concurrency

Of course we had to fire Teresa Perone. She was our director when the financial mess was discovered in the Accounting Department.

1 Concurrency

Of course women make the best executives. The last four annual winners of the best marketing campaigns have had women as their company presidents.

1 Concurrency

On three successive fishing trips, John wore his old battered felt hat and had amazingly good luck. On the fourth trip he didn't wear it and returned empty-handed. Now he won't think of going fishing without it.

1 Concurrency

Our football team won its first six games. Then Paul went to the seventh game and they lost. I wish Paul would stay away from all future games.

1 Concurrency

President Clinton's Health Care Plan must be good for our economy. Ever since he proposed the idea, the economic production of United States industries has moved steadily upwards.

1 Concurrency

Re-elect Hunley? You have to be kidding. While he was in office, the economy took a nosedive, and we were in a recession before we realized what was happening. There is no way I'm going to let that happen again!

1 Concurrency

Republican presidential candidate in a radio address: "Teenage drug use has increased under this Democratic administration. It will be a tough battle, but we can reverse this trend and lower drug use, as happened during the previous Republican administrations."

1 Concurrency

Since George W. Bush was elected President of the United States, global terrorism escalated to new heights. I knew that we should not have elected Bush.

1 Concurrency

The Nick Daniloff hostage situation was occurring right during the time that the stock market took its worst nosedive in history. My pocketbook surely wishes that Daniloff was released a lot sooner. Those Russians really messed up our stock market.

1 Concurrency

The explosion happened while Judd was in the chemistry lab. I told you he should have never been allowed in that lab. He doesn't even have the ability to mix oil and vinegar.

1 Concurrency

The first time I went to Disney World, I caught chicken pox. The second time I went to Disney World, I fell and broke my ankle. The next time I went to Disney World, I had a sunstroke. Going to Disney World is hazardous to your health!

1 Concurrency

Police officers, who carry guns, are almost always considered good decent people. I think I'll carry a gun, and then I'll have the respect they have.

5 Faulty Analogy

Pride is a deep and powerful emotion. So is love. Just as you need to cherish your love, you need to protect your pride.

5 Faulty Analogy

Principal at a school dance: "Whenever the DJ plays that song, the students 'dirty dance' like the people on the music videos. I'm going to make sure that he doesn't play it any more."

0 No Technique

Ron Armstrong has prepared himself for this promotion by going to school for three years at night, attending 16 different training workshops and working three major projects in the last three years. He deserves the opportunity to move to the next level. I say we offer him the job.

0 No Technique

She's always talking about answering bold or cautious. She must play Propaganda.

0 No Technique

Smith: "I've got a cold and you gave it to me." Jones: "What do you mean?" Smith: "You coughed on me all during lunch yesterday and today I'm coughing too."

0 No Technique

Some books are like a mirror into your soul. When you read those books intently, they touch you deeply. Similarly, when you meditate fervently, you are also touched at a deep level.

0 No Technique

Susan took the SAT Prep Math class at Martin County High and then improved her previous SAT math score by over 100 points. It must have really helped. I'm going to enroll my son Steven this summer.

0 No Technique

Teachers and students share a common need. They both need some relief from one another every once in awhile so they can rest and come back refreshed.

0 No Technique

Ever since Dr. Cosmo became the curriculum director, our school district has had a shortage of funds from the state department. We should be looking for a new curriculum director.

1 Concurrency

There has been a great deal of talk about a tax on energy or consumption as a way of reducing the nation's deficit. Whether a tax on energy - and its effects on economic growth - would be better than a broader-based consumption tax that would also affect imports but not hurt American industry in global markets is debatable.

0 No Technique

When I drove my car into the Quick Oil Change place on 98th Street, it was running just fine. After my oil change and lube, the car was missing badly and the oil light was blinking on. Quick Oil must have done something bad to my car.

0 No Technique

You haven't hit the target yet. But don't give up.

0 No Technique

Crack is one of the most dangerous drugs ever to hit the streets because it is so cheap and can kill anyone. Don't let your child be unaware of the dangers of crack. Ignorance could kill him.

0 No Technique - not Non Sequitur

Karen Balentine is a 38-year old first vice-president at E. F. Hutton and Company and one of the distinguished women in investment banking. Karen was a college student whose family offered to reimburse her if she shed her jeans for a more ladylike wardrobe. Her salary is somewhere in the vicinity of a quarter of a million dollars annually.

0 No Technique - not Post Hoc

Until one year ago, I was really mixed up. Since then, I have been going to a group called Alateen. It has really helped me to straighten out my thinking. I recommend it to you.

0 No Technique - not Post Hoc

Amy won the Middle Division Equations championship last year as a seventh grader. This year as an eighth grader she should be one of the top players in Middle Division again.

0 No Technique - not Post Hoc or Faulty Analogy

We had no pep rally and did no advertising before our last football game and almost no one showed up. If we do the same this time, we probably won't have a much bigger crowd.

0 No Technique - not Post Hoc or Faulty Analogy

Margie at a Thanksgiving meal: "Look, we all have our family together with us, we all have our health, none of us are in the poor house, we all have food on the table. Let's face it - we have a lot to be thankful for!"

0 No Technique - not Selected Instances

Most crime is committed by adolescents. Most automobile accidents involve adolescents. Most of the lifelong habits that kill - smoking, drugs, and the use of alcohol - begin during adolescence. Adolescence is a danger time for any child, and a time of fear and frustration for most parents.

0 No Technique - not Selected Instances

whose removal from the marketplace may pose serious problems for some consumers."

0 No Technique - not Selected Instances

"This land is your land, this land is my land. From California to the New York Island. This land was made for you and me."

0 No Technique - song lyrics

As I drove my Jeep Cherokee toward my office, a portion of the street collapsed under my vehicle. I hope the city doesn't charge me for repairs to the street. I never knew my car was that heavy.

1 Concurrency

As an oil man, George W. Bush presided over many business ventures that failed. When he was president of the Texas Rangers, the team floundered. The Texas economy got worse while he was governor. I worry about our country with him as president.

1 Concurrency

Burglaries in our town are always more numerous when the University is in session. It's proves what I've said for a long time - that the university has a lot of undesirable characters.

1 Concurrency

Citizen A: "Do you really believe Fedward was an incompetent governor?" Citizen B: "Of course. Look how the bottom dropped out of the oil industry during his term."

1 Concurrency

Communism was born in Germany when Germany was predominantly Lutheran. So Lutheranism is responsible for Communism.

1 Concurrency

During the eight years of Ronald Reagan's Presidency, the economy set records for growth. Obviously the Republicans are the party we want to manage our economy.

1 Concurrency

Each company that won this year's Top Business Awards was headed by a woman. So women must make the best Chief Executive Officers.

1 Concurrency

A biology teacher speaking: "Even though we can learn much about living animals by dissecting a worm, it is also important for us to study the insides of a dog, for a dog, like a human, has a backbone."

0 No Technique

A candidate for reelection: "When I first came into office, our economy was a mess. The murder rate was high, crime was running rampant, and unemployment topped the charts. Now that I am in office, the murder rate has fallen 10%, crime has been reduced by 25%, and employment has risen 3%. I plan on working hard to keep these trends going. All I need from you is reelection to office so that I can continue our success!"

0 No Technique

Academic Games coach to player: "You did very well last year at the regional tournament and you were fifth overall at the national tournament. I know you're nervous about this year's tournament, but I think you'll do fine."

0 No Technique

Ever since I broke my ankle last year, I have been having problems with it. Two months ago I sprained it, and three weeks ago I twisted it. Now yesterday, I hurt it again.

0 No Technique

Faulty Analogy? I know that Ronny Smith plays on one of the worst teams in the NBA, but I think he is one of the most powerful players in the league.

0 No Technique

I never forget our anniversary date. It is November 22, the same date as President Kennedy was shot.

0 No Technique

I think that Charles "the Jerk" Martin should be sidelined for as long a time as Jim McMahon is. After all, McMahon is out of action because of an injury suffered after an obviously illegal and deliberate body slam administered by Martin.

0 No Technique

Jones: "Any states that impose the death penalty for crimes should remove it. I don't believe in capital punishment." Smith: "But a majority of the public favors the death penalty for major crimes." Jones: "A majority of the public in the last century supported slavery. That didn't make slavery right. Capital punishment is not right, either."

0 No Technique

Just before my latest illness, my doctor told me that steroids could help my condition, but they had several negative side effects - highly-charged emotions, swelling of the feet, shortness of breath, and reduced sexual drive. I decided not to take steroids.

0 No Technique

Laptop Computer magazine rated our laptop computer tops in its class. Our desktop model earned the "Editor's Choice" award from Desktop Computing magazine. And Business Computing magazine rated our new minicomputer "Buy of the Year." We have a computer to fit any price range.

0 No Technique

"It's true that standing armies produce wars," said the professor. "Before every war in history there have been armed soldiers on both sides ready for combat."

2 Post Hoc

A new highway was built through our rural community. Soon land values soared. New buildings went up everywhere, and we even got three new shopping malls. I hear they're planning a new highway next year near my home. I suggest you invest in land now. You'll be rich.

2 Post Hoc

A respected Canadian computer programmer says the U.S. government ended financing for a computer security project he was working on after he made remarks in the Canadian press critical of the American military.

2 Post Hoc

Ad: "Eight in ten users of Miracle Cure are rid of their colds within two days."

2 Post Hoc

After Howard left the team, we got numerous donations to pay for needed equipment. I wish Howard had left last season. We could have used the money.

2 Post Hoc

After Ronald Reagan, a Republican, was elected, the Soviet Union collapsed. We should elect another Republican.

2 Post Hoc

After our Regional Sales Manager visited us last time, three of our fork lifts broke down and two of our best workers became ill for a week. Please don't invite the manager to our place again. We can't stand another series of problems.

2 Post Hoc

After the United States sent troops to Vietnam, the drug problem in this country increased considerably. This is just another effect of that evil war.

2 Post Hoc

At one time, beauty parlor operators used sterile brushes and combs on each customer. Not now. At one time food service personnel wore gloves and hair nets to serve food. Not now. Is it any wonder we have an AIDS epidemic all over the world?

2 Post Hoc

Congressman speaking in the House of Representatives: "The Head Start program has a track record of success in helping kids in poverty. Children who participate in Head Start in the early grades are more likely to graduate from high school and commit fewer juvenile crimes. Because children in Head Start require less special education in school and don't break the law as frequently later in life, Head Start saves between two and four federal tax dollars for every dollar invested in the program. We must not dismantle Head Start."

2 Post Hoc

Ever since Howard Baker took over as chief of staff of the White House, the president's popularity has gone straight down.

2 Post Hoc

First Jerry Rubin comes to Kent State to speak. Then in a day or two riots break out. He's at the bottom of it.

2 Post Hoc

For three of the last five years, hurricanes struck the United States within one week after school started here in Florida. This year, the School Board voted to start school two weeks earlier so that we could finish the first semester by Christmas. Watch the hurricanes come earlier this year.

2 Post Hoc

Four years ago, right after Denton took office, many human rights bills were passed. Now, since Ferguson was elected a month ago, our state is in bad financial trouble. We should have stuck with Denton.

2 Post Hoc

I suffered with a cold for five days. Finally I took some Daytol. Within a day the cold was better. Why don't you take some Daytol for your cold?

2 Post Hoc

In 1969, man first reached the moon. The following winter was the worst ever for cold and snow. I suggest that further moon flights be discontinued until man can show that he can control his weather despite what he does to the moon.

2 Post Hoc

In less than a week, MoveOn members in the United States and around the world gathered over a million petition signatures to deliver to the members of the United Nations Security Council. Our message was simple: "The U.N. Security Council should back tough inspections, not war." We delivered the petition in a press conference at the U.N. And it appears that we had an impact - the United States and Britain abandoned their push for a second resolution because they could not get the necessary votes.

2 Post Hoc

In the 1990s our country experienced high unemployment. Now we have a lowering of the inflation rate. Unemployment must have caused the lowering of inflation.

2 Post Hoc

In the fall of 1986, President Reagan campaigned in western and southern states for Republican candidates for the U.S. Senate. Then came the news of the Iran arms sales, the Contra diversion, the Wall Street crash, and the Persian Gulf confrontations - all bad news for Reagan. He should never have campaigned for those Senate seats.

2 Post Hoc

Last year the Advertising Association of America conducted a year-long advertising campaign in newspapers and magazines calling for forest fire prevention. The results are pretty satisfying, for this year the damage done by forest fires has been cut by 10% over last year.

2 Post Hoc

Lurch won the cross-country race Tuesday, then got an A on his biology test Wednesday. He just won again today. So I'm expecting him to get an A on his English test tomorrow.

2 Post Hoc

Mark Twain: "I joined the Confederate army in Missouri at the beginning of the Civil War. Four months later I ran away ... and the Confederacy fell."

2 Post Hoc

At Fresno State University, security was heavy for an academic environmental conference. The reason? The conference addressed "revolutionary environmentalism" and participants included former members of militant environmental and animal-rights organizations that have been linked to fire-bombings, vandalism, and other acts of so-called eco-terrorism. Steve Best of the University of Texas, who spoke at the conference, said, "Fresno State is the most courageous university in the country for holding this conference. Throughout history, property destruction and civil protest has been part of our heritage. If you have a problem with that, you have a problem with the Boston Tea Party."

5 Faulty Analogy

Beth and Mike's first daughter has been a real pleasure as a baby. I really enjoyed baby-sitting with her. They just had a second daughter. I can't wait to sit for her.

5 Faulty Analogy

Both Jordan and Libya are located right in the heart of the Middle East. Libya is dead set against any alliance with Israel. How do you expect Jordan to support an alliance with Israel?

5 Faulty Analogy

Both Nike and Reebok are located right in the heart of the manufacturing district. Nike is dead set against moving its operation to Mexico. How do you expect Reebok to make such a move?

5 Faulty Analogy

Edgar is that boy who always answers the teacher's questions in class. Let's invite his sister, Elizabeth, to our party - we'll win the Trivial Pursuit game for sure.

5 Faulty Analogy

Fellow temperance workers, we know that the delicate membranes of the stomach are just like the delicate membranes of the eye, and if you want to see what alcohol does to the stomach, just pour some gin in your eye.

5 Faulty Analogy

Fran Tarkenton was the greatest passer of all time until Dan Marino broke most of his records. Tarkenton has built a huge business for himself in the personal consulting world. Let's get Marino tied up to a long-term consulting contract right now. He can't miss.

5 Faulty Analogy

I greatly enjoyed Neil Simon's last movie. So you can be sure that his screenplay for California Suite will be just as good.

5 Faulty Analogy

I love Heinz Ketchup. It is my favorite topping for hotdogs and hamburgers. Heinz also makes baby food. I'm going to get that for my new daughter. If Heinz makes it, it will be delicious.

5 Faulty Analogy

I'm really excited. Carl lifted weights all last fall and he made the number 1 wrestling team. I've been lifting weights all this fall. So I know I'll make number 1 as well.

5 Faulty Analogy

I'm so excited that I have Patricia Hughes in my class this year. Two years ago, I had her brother, Kevin. He was such a pleasure and always willing to help those who were having trouble. Patricia's help will be great this year.

5 Faulty Analogy

Jack Nicklaus, from Dublin, Ohio, has been the greatest golfer ever to play the game. Here comes another golfing Dubliner, Mel Bergin. Mel is going to set the golfing world on its ear.

5 Faulty Analogy

Jack graduated from Harvard and now earns over $150,000 a year. Mark graduated from Harvard and earns $200,000 a year. Joe Schmoe graduated from Harvard. so he must be earning in excess of $100,000 per year.

5 Faulty Analogy

Jim ran a mile a day all summer long and made the basketball team. I'm going to start running now so I know I'll make the team next year.

5 Faulty Analogy

Jim, who's a real brain in school, plays Propaganda. Howard also plays Propaganda. I guess he's smart too.

5 Faulty Analogy

Kent State University is an educational factory. Factories exist for profit. Profit means exploitation. So if you're a Kent State student, you're being exploited.

5 Faulty Analogy

Lawyer arguing to a jury for damages to the parents of a child who was killed in an accident: "Since my clients have lost a whole child, I ask you for whole justice, not part justice. This was a million-dollar little girl. Give them all of her. I want it all for them!"

5 Faulty Analogy

Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia are all former Soviet republics along the Baltic Sea. They should all be very successful as new independent nations.

5 Faulty Analogy

Looking down her roster the first day of class, the teacher recognized one last name. She asked Sarah Gulf to stand. "Do I know you?" asked the teacher. "No, but you had my brother in class last year." "Ah, yes, that's it. Well, then I am looking forward to teaching you this year. You must be hard-working and intelligent, too."

5 Faulty Analogy

Marissa McCurdy was a fantastic singer. She was the star member of our chorus and the lead soloist when we performed outside of school. I will never forget her. Her brother Marty is coming to school this year. I can't wait for him to join the chorus. I know he will be great.

5 Faulty Analogy

McNuggets has a standing offer to hire all laid-off analysts and securities managers to work in their stores. "Anyone who has sold stock," said a vice-president, "can sell hamburgers. A grill is no different to work than a computer."

5 Faulty Analogy

Mr. Smith's pet boa constrictor has a red spot on his skin. Smith has had the snake for three years and has never seen him with a red spot before. Smith's good friend, Mr. Jones, has two ribbon snakes. He tells Smith that he should just ignore the red spot. Jones says that one of his snakes had a red spot once, and the spot went away on its own.

5 Faulty Analogy

My friend Roger and his teammate Phil are both super racquet ball players. Roger is pleasant and gracious. I'm going to ask him to fix Phil up with my best friend Jennie. Phil has got to be a super guy too.

5 Faulty Analogy

Nolan Richardson is another one of those black basketball coaches like John Thompson. Nolan must also be loud and obnoxious, and his team probably plays slowdown basketball.

5 Faulty Analogy

One math teacher to another: "You use a calculator; yet you won't let your students use calculators." Other teacher: "I drink a beer now and again. That doesn't mean I let my students drink beer."

5 Faulty Analogy

Senator Barry Goldwater: "I am bewildered by the lack of consistent policy in nutrition. We allow alcoholic beverages and cigarettes to be purchased with minor restrictions, yet impose different standards on other products

such as saccharin


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