Psych 149 Final
Friendship (Fehr)
A voluntary personal relationship, typically providing intimacy and assistance in which the two parties like one another and seek each other's company. Easier to dissolve, spend less free time with compared to romantic love.
Social Pain vs Physical (Eisenberger)
fMRI study showed areas of brain activated when you feel physical pain and ostracism (same). Tylenol (acetominophen) provided relief to pain caused by feelings of ostracism
Types of Love: Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
1) Intimacy: feelings of warmth, understanding, communication, support, and closeness (emotional component) 2) Passion: physical arousal and desire (motivational component) 3) Commitment: decision to stay in relationship and work to maintain it (cognitive component)
Canary and Stafford's Relationship Maintenance Activities
10 categories of strategies: Positivity, openness, assurances, sharing a social network, sharing tasks, sharing activities, support, conflict management, avoidance, humor
Pair Project
168 couples. 3 explanations for marital satisfaction decline: Enduring Dynamics Model-couples bring in neg qualities into marriage, existent thru time (predictor of marital happiness) Emergent Distress Model-probs emerge within marriage that was not seen before Disillusionment Model-romanticized about marriage, let down that marriage didn't meet expectation (predictor of divorce)
Children and Divorce (Amato & Keith)
27% American children under 18 yrs live in single parent families. Adults whose parents divorced: have lower well-being and lower adjustment, more likely to have behavioral problems, had lower educational attainment due to: Parental Stress-distract from quality parenting, Parental loss-usually lives with one parent, Genetic influences-inheritance of unstable marriage in future, Economic hardship-impoverished circumstances due to one income, Parental conflict (children exhibit lower well being before the actual divorce. the more post marital conflict the lower the child's well being. children of highly conflicted, intact marriages have lower well being than children of divorce). Usually fades away with sufficient love/support
Sex in Relationships
4 themes: Emotional component (communication of love and commitment), physical aspects (pleasure and attractiveness), pragmatic (goal), insecure (self, relationship, self esteem). Gender differences: men and women equal in emotion. Men more likely to come up with other 3 themes. Average frequency of sex varies by status of relationship (cohabiting, married), age, length of relationship, and sexual orientation
Beginning Stages of Conflict (Peterson)
4 types of instigators: criticism-verbal/nonverbal acts perceived as demeaning, illegitimate demands-unjust requests that exceed normal expectation of partner, rebuffs (try to bring out specific response in partner but denied), cumulative annoyances-social allergies, small recurring nuisances. The more unexpressed irritants couples have, less satisfaction. Mutual avoidance of conflict before marriage correlated with dissatisfaction and predicted marital unhappiness (wives).
Interaction Study
80 couples who have been dating for at least 6 months. Participated in videotaped interactions: personal concern, personal positive event, rated partner's responsiveness. Measured love, satisfaction and commitment.
Attachment and Support (Collins & Feeney)
93 dating couples did videotaped interactions. Support seeker disclosed a stressful problem to partner (support provider). Measured attachment styles: Anxiety over abandonment (high=fearful and preoccupied, less responsive, gave less support and more neg support) Avoidance of closeness (high=dismissing and fearful, more indirect behaviors to seek support) Secure-comfortable with intimacy/interdependence Preoccupied-uneasy/vigilant to any threat in relationship Dismissing-self-reliant and uninterested in intimacy Fearful-fearful of rejection and mistrustful of others
Frequency of Sex
A great deal of variability, study shows that in first year of marriage, range was 12-540 times a year. Decline in first year of marriage, on average: 17 times in month 1, 8 times in month 12. Overall, married couples 2-3 times per week.
Support Seeking
APPROACH-direct Direct/verbal: asking for help, talking out the problem (SOLVE-find ans. to prob) Direct/nonverbal: crying, putting one's head on other's shoulder (SOLACE-elicit pos. emotions) AVOIDANT-internal, controllable Indirect/verbal: complaining, hinting (DISMISS-minimize sign. of prob) Indirect/nonverbal: sighing, sulking, fidgeting. (ESCAPE-discourage display of neg emotion) Persistent use of indirects: social allergen
Capitalization Responses
Active/constructive- reacted enthusiastically to my good event, convey understanding, validation, caring-->responsiveness (ideal) Active/destructive- pointed out the downsides of my good event Passive/constructive- tried not to make a big deal out of it, but was happy for me Passive/destructive- seemed disinterested
Three Aspects of Friendships (deVries)
Affective: self disclosure, expressions of appreciation and affection, provisions of encouragement and self worth, emotional support Communal: participation in common activities, similarity, instrumental support Sociability: sources of fun and recreation
Adulthood and Friendship
After college, fewer friends but deeper relationships. Marriage correlated with increase in social network, but this increase is partly due to increased kin. More marital issues if no shared friends, Drop in sociability with increased age. Dyadic Withdrawal: tendency to withdraw from friendships when you become more involved with romantic partner
SEM study (Aron)
Allocate money similarity to self/best friend. Idea is that people would benefit themselves. Results: the more closeness to friend the more you treat as if yourself. Nouns were better remembered when connected to mom rather Cher (self-reference effect). Me/not me trait reaction time study: slower if traits differ between self/spouse, more errors. Self expansion may fuel love/passion.
Cultural Differences in Sexual Attitudes
Americans have sexually conservative attitudes compared to Sweden, Netherlands, and Germany (west)
Attachment and Jealousy (Sharpsteen and Kirkpatrick)
Anxious/ambivalents reported significantly more jealousy than secures. Avoidants scored in the middle, not significantly different from other two. Secures: anger higher than sadness or fear. Anxious: anger and sadness higher than fear. Avoidants: sadness higher than fear and anger
Forgiveness: Important Ingredients
Apology, empathy from victim, avoiding brooding (no replay of betrayal). Commitment also found to be a strong predictor of forgiveness
Approach and Avoidance Motives for Sacrifice
Approach: I want my partner to be happy, i love my partner and am concerned about his/her well being Avoidance: I don't want my partner to think negatively about me, I feel guilty if i do not sacrifice
Jealousy Likelihood
Arousability: people who get more physiologically aroused in general react more to jealous situations. Low self esteem, attachment, gender (both men and women equally likely), traditional gender roles. The more dependent on the relationship, the more jealous. The higher your partner's mate value, the more jealousy (dependence=outcomes-CLalt), feelings of inadequacy, doubt in how much partner needs/wants them, doubt in ability to satisfy needs, perceived mismatch in mate value.
Jealousy and Close Relationship Maintenance
Attachment differences: lower discomfort with closeness (secures and anxious), more likely to express concerns and try to repair relationship. Lower comfort with closeness (dismissing and fearful), more likely to avoid the issue, deny their distress or act like they don't care.
Sexual Attitudes
Attitudes toward premarital sex: Younger people least likely to say it's wrong. Casual sex: men slightly more permissive than women, especially regarding casual premarital sex. Same sex: becoming less negative. Same sex relationships operate in much the same way as hetero partnerships. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with a person's ability to be a loving/nurturing parent according to APA.
Relationship Maintenance and Growth: Commitment Model (Rusbult)
Behaviors and actions aimed at sustaining desired relationships: Professional maintenance Self-initiated maintenance Satisfaction, quality of alternatives, investment size---> commitment---> Behavioral maintenance mechanism (accommodation, willingness to sacrifice, forgiveness, play), Cognitive (interdependence-overlap of partner and own life, positive illusion-idealizing each other, derogation of alternatives-disinterest/attraction in others)---> couple well being persistence
Types of Lies
Benefit Liar: ward off embarrassment, guilt, or inconvenience, or seek approval or material gain. 1/4 lies Benefit Others (protect feelings).
Reducing Sexual Coercion
Beware of partners who view sex as a contest. Be careful of intoxication in you or partner. Resolve to assertively resist unwanted advances. Set sexual boundaries with frank/direction discussions with partner. Think of lover as equal partner whose preference/pleasures are as important as your own.
Breaking up with Premarital Partners (Baxter)
Break up trajectories: Direct (explicit) vs Indirect (stop spending time), Other oriented (sensitive about partner) vs Self oriented Direct/Self: openly acknowledge desire to end relationship, with little regard for partner Direct/Other: openly acknowledge desire to end relationship while protecting partner's self esteem Indirect/Self: End the relationship without an explicit declaration and with a focus on one's own needs Indirect/Other: end the relationship without an explicit declaration and without harming partner Gradual vs sudden onset of discontent, Individual vs shared desired to end relationship, rapid vs protracted attempts to end relationship before succeeded, presence or absence of repair attempts Most common: gradual dissatisfaction, individual, repeated efforts to dissolve (indirect), no attempts to repair
Shyness and Arousal (Leary)
High shy and low shy people had a conversation with a stranger. Noise in background. 1/2 told noise would ruin conversation (excuse). Other 1/2 told it would not (no excuse). Those who the excuse had a lower heart rate compared to those not given an excuse as to why the conversation was being made during the loud noise.
Friendships in Childhood: Selman's Stages of Childhood Friendships
Cognitive view of the development of children's friendships based on how children understand friendships and how closely related to their cognitive development. Momentary playmates: 3-7 yrs old (proximity and commonalities, no future interest) One way assistance: 4-9 yrs old (start to distinguish feelings of others, still self-focused) Fair-weather cooperation: 6-12 yrs old (sees perspective of others of self. self motivated and more likely to cooperate) Intimate-mutual sharing: middle school (3rd party view of friendships, group forming, more intimate, possessive of friendships) Autonomous interdependence: teen years (dependence on friends, aware that friendships change)
Lying Frequency (DePaulo)
College students report telling two lies a day on average, Lie to 1/3 people with who they interact. Adults off campus lie about once per day (1/5 interactions). Only 5% of people report telling no lies given across a week. Most lies are casual, spontaneous and successful
Conflict Frequency
Depends on who you look at and how conflict is defined. Children show high frequencies of conflict with parents, siblings, and peers. Premarital dating couples recorded 2.3 conflicts per week. Married sample (Gable): Major disagreements (.42 of 14 days) Minor (2.7 of 14) Fun (3.4 of 14). Spouse agreement: major (98%) Minor (82%)
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Derived from attachment theory. Improve relationships by increasing attachment security. Focus on changing communication so that partners feel safe, loved, and securely connected to one another
Companionate Love
Determined by Rubin's Liking Scale. Combination of intimacy and Commitment. Feature of long lasting marriages. Passionate love often declines over time. More stable. Negatively correlated with divorce.
Repairing Relationships
Do it Yourself-self help books (prone to probs with bogus advice) Preventative Maintenance-premarital counseling (PREP) focusing on commitment to change partners' outlooks, importance of having fun, expression, and consequences. Therapy: Individual (one client/one therapist), collaborative ( two clients-separately/two therapist), concurrent (two clients-separately/one therapist), conjoint (both clients together/one or two therapist), conjoint group (groups of couples/one therapist)
Attributions of Conflict
During conflict, often take benign view of behavior (self-serving bias). Attributions leads to more conflict about causes of behavior and motives of other (attributional conflict-who is right/wrong). Attribution of responsibility for conflict (assigning blame, regarding partner as selfish, acting intentionally)-->more common in unhappy couples. Dissatisfaction leads to dysfunctional attributions AND dysfunctional attribution lead to dissatisfaction. If external/unstable attribution, less likely to blame partner and seek retribution
Social Support Functions
Emotional sustenance (most well received), self-esteem bolstering, information/feedback, tangible assistance (disliked when seeker felt in control).
Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy
Encourage desirable behavior and teach tolerance of incompatibilities that can't ( or unlikely to) change. BCT + acceptance of and adaptive reactions to partner's flaws (focus on changing emotions) Empathic joining-taught to express pain and vulnerabilities without any blame or resentment Unified detachment-defuses emotion and helps understand their problematic patterns of interaction Tolerance building-taught to become less sensitive and react less intensely when problematic behavior occurs
Sex Differences in Reactions to Emotional vs Sexual Infidelity
Evolutionary explanation: based on paternity uncertainty and differential investment hypotheses. Men uncertain of paternity and evolution favored men who were sensitive to sexual infidelity (paternity). Women invest more in parenting and evolution favored women who were more sensitive to threats of loss of investment from mate (differential) Double shot hypothesis: to the extent that people think emotional infidelity implies the likelihood of sexual infidelity, but not vice versa, they will report emotional more distressing. To the extent they are equally likely, preferences hover around zero.
Individual Differences in Lying
Extroversion: more lying behavior (spouse) Insecure attachment: more lies (highly anxious lies to friends and strangers) Concerns with impression management
Middle Stages of Conflict (Peterson)
Factors important in terms of relationship: how couples approach conflict, the attributions couples make for the conflict, how the conflict is negotiated, management of negative emotions during conflict. Negotiation: problem solving, information exchange, search for solution Escalation: generalization, attribution of blame, extreme demands Conciliation: problem reframed, negotiation Separation: problem seen as unmanageable, unwilling to negotiate, blame of other Reconciliation: conciliation + expression of affection, commitment to relationship Conflict tactics: Direct (explicitly challenge partner) Indirect (less explicit, ignore, slump, sigh)
Romantic Love
Fascination with one's partner, sexual desire, greater need for exclusiveness. More stringent standards: be more loyal to and more willing to help. Similarities: respect, trust, responsiveness. engage in social support/capitalization. Intimacy and often commitment
Loneliness (Weiss)
Feelings of deprivation and dissatisfaction with current social ties. Predicts running away and delinquency in adolescents. In older adults, predicts memory problems. Associated with Bulimia nervosa and alcohol abuse. Have higher blood pressure and levels of cortisol. Predicts cardiovascular disease in men. Two types: Social isolation-lack of social network Emotional isolation-lack of a single intense relationship Separate but moderately correlated constructs.
Romantic Love and Physiological Arousal: Suspension Bridge Study (Dutton & Aron)
Female confederates approached men alone control bridge and scary bridge for an interview. IV: showed picture (ambiguous) and asked to make up story, offered phone number to interview at a later time. DV: then code for any sexuality in the story. Results: men on scary bridge had more sexuality in story compared to men on a control bridge. Same results for women, only a lot less. Strong link between passion and arousal/excitement (fear). Example of misattribution/excitation transfer.
Accommodation (Rusbult)
First impulse when the partner does something destructive is to respond destructively. Inhibiting this response and putting the relationship ahead of personal needs: transformation of motivation Exit (active/destructive): leaving or threatening to leave, verbal or physical abuse *Voice (active/constructive): discussion, problem solving, seeking advice *Loyalty (passive/constructive): waiting optimistically, defending partner, continuing to display commitment Neglect (passive/destructive): avoiding discussion, reducing interdependence, bringing up other unrelated problems.
Behavioral Couple Therapy
Focus on present interactions. Replace negative behavior with positive and work on communication skills. Love days-one partner deliberately sets out to do favors and kindness requested by the other. Quid pro quo contract-agreements to reward positive behavior from their partners with desirable behavior of their own. Good faith contract-parallel agreements in which behavior change is rewarded with special privileges.
Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy
Focuses on behavior and cognitions/judgements of relationship and partner. Change aspects of ways partners think about relationship. Addresses selective attention, expectancies, attributions, relationship beliefs.
Hetero vs Same-Sex couples (Balsam)
Followed up with same sex couples (in and outside of legal unions) and married hetero couples over 3 years. Same sex not in civil union more likely to break up (compared to those in civil unions). Same sex scored higher on relationship satisfaction than hetero on most measures.
Ostracism
Form of rejection when an individual is given the 'cold shoulder' and ignored by those around them. Used to punish partners and avoid confrontation. Usually person is left feeling more angry, frustrated or hurt than guilty/remorseful. Threatens individuals need to belong, feelings of self-worth, and feelings of perceived control.
Predisposing Factors and Individual Differences of Loneliness
Genetic component, insecure attachment (anxiety/avoidant), gender (men likely), Socioeconomic status (lower), marital status (unmarried are more lonely than married, never married less lonely than divorced or widowed, happily less lonely than unhappily, married men less lonely than married women)
Empty Love
High in Commitment Low in Intimacy and Passion (burned out relationship)
Liking
High in Intimacy Low in Passion and Commitment (friendship with real closeness and warmth)
*Companionate Love
High in Intimacy and Commitment Low in Passion (epitomized by a long, happy marriage)
*Romantic Love
High in Intimacy and Passion Low in Commitment (combo of liking/infatuation-summer love)
*Consummate Love
High in Intimacy, Passion and Commitment (equal) -hard to maintain over time
The Need to Belong (Baumeister & Leary)
Human beings have a fundamental need to form and maintain close relationships Criteria 1 (strong effects)- people should form social bonds readily, people should resist dissolution of social bonds Criteria 1a (strong effects)-similarity, proximity, familiarity, friendships across the life cycle, attachment processes from the cradle to grave, evolved adaptive mechanisms Criteria 1b (strong effects)- resistance to the dissolution of bonds (most stressful events, accommodation behaviors, therapy, self-help, enrichment businesses, anecdotal evidence- long distance phone companies, reunions) Criteria 2 (emotional consequences)- emotions would have evolved to deal with relationships, we should see emotional responses to real or imagined changes in relationship status (love, liking, jealousy, guilt, loneliness, grief, shame) Criteria 3 (direct cognitive processes)- close relationships should influence the cognitive organization of information, meeting the need to belong should influence chronic cognitive thoughts (what is beautiful is good, attributions, attachment styles, first impressions, IOS, communal and exchange norms) Criteria 4 (Bad outcomes if not met)- these ill effects should go beyond concurrent emotional distress and predict both psychological and physical health (relationships satisfaction, loneliness and health, interpersonal stressors and health, social support and health Criteria 5 (Universality)- if the need to belong is fundamental then it should exist in everyone, regardless of race, culture, sex, age, and SES (attachment processes exist across cultures, gender, race, SES, correlates of loneliness exist across cultures, gender, SES, jealousy and love are universal, so society evolved without social rules regarding relationships
Betrayal
Hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we did not expect such misbehavior. Infidelity and lying can be examples of this, but wide range of behaviors. Signify partner does not value relationships as much as you thought.
Cross- Group Friendship (Wright, Aron)
If you have a close friend who is a member of an outgroup, we hold less prejudiced views of that group. Number of outgroup friends was not important, closeness was important. Knowing that one of our ingroup members has a close friend in an outgroup0 also reduces prejudice
Cyberball Technique (DePaulo)
Inclusion(throwing the ball to you and playing the game Ostracism (not throwing ball to you). Painful even if you believe game is played by strangers that you will never meet, controlled by computer, or people you despise. still feel ostracism.
Interpersonal Conflict
Incompatibility between people. Dyadic or interpersonal conflict: occurs when one person's actions, goals, plans, views, or opinions differ/interfere with the actions, goals, plans, views, or opinions of the other. Inescapable: occasional differences in moods and preferences. Tensions woven into close relationships (dialectics-opposing motivations that contradict each other-->never being entirely satisfied)
Divorce Trends
Increased since mid-1930s, peaked in 1980. About 50% of marriages will end in divorce due to different expectations for marriage, societal influences (women workers, gender roles, individualistic, sex ratio, perceptions of divorce, cohabitation), family history of divorce. US high compared to other countries. Mostly occur within first 10 years
Levinger's Barrier Model
Inducements to Stay- Attraction (rewards - costs) Barriers: legal, social, moral, financial, children=most ---cohesiveness-->likelihood of persistence Inducements to Leave- Alternatives: other people, being single, career-->cohesiveness-->likelihood of persistence rewards: companionship, security costs: irritants, time
Deception
Intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver know is false (outright lying, conceal info, divert attention from important facts, half-truths).
Attributions about being Lonely
Internal/Stable: I'm lonely because i am a total bore (characterlogical) External/Stable: I'm lonely because everyone at this school is a snob Internal/Unstable: I'm lonely because i haven't put any effort into finding friends (behavioral). (more likely to drop loneliness) External/Unstable: I'm lonely because my boss is making me work so much this month. (more likely to drop loneliness)
Received Support
Linked to variety of negative outcomes: lowering self-esteem, drawing attention to the problem, feelings of incompetence or indebtedness.
Infatuated Love
Low in Intimacy and Commitment High in Passion (stranger)
Nonlove
Low in Intimacy, Passion, Commitment (acquaintances)
Fatuous Love
Low in intimacy, High in Passion and Commitment (teen marriage)
Associations with Loneliness
Low self esteem-->loneliness or Loneliness-->low self esteem Depression: downward interpersonal spiral. social relations unrewarding, exhibit poor social skills (gloomy, excessive reassurance seeking), rejected by others, repeat.
Predictors of Divorce
Low sex ratio (fewer men than women) Age (teen marriages) SES (lower) Stressful life events Prior marriage
Self-Expansion Model
Motivated to enter close relationships to expand self (resources, perspectives, characteristics of others). Shapes how information is processed and inclusion of other in self. IOS Scale used to measure inclusion of partner and self depicted by overlapping circles.
Individual Differences in Betrayal
Major: students in social sciences/education/business/humanities more likely to betray Age: younger Education: more education Religiosity: more religious betrays less Gender: women betray friends, men more in general Betrayers often less happy, more maladjusted, resentful, and suspicious
Measuring Passion: Passionate Love Scale (Hatfield & Sprecher)
Measures strong emotions (passion) for partner in a romantic love relationship: ecstasy when loved in return, despair when not loved in return.
Sexual Fidelity
Men are more likely to have extra-marital relationships than women. Gay men are more likely than straight men. Sociosexuality orientation: measure of individual differences in whether sex requires commitment or love. Restricted- sex only in committed relationships. Unrestricted- less commitment needed for sex.
Sex Differences in Beliefs about Co-Occurrence of Sexual and Emotional Infidelity
Men more likely to think that, for women, sex implies love. Women more likely to think that, for men, love implies sex. Explanation for why women are more likely to think emotional infidelity is worse than sexual infidelity and men more likely to think sexual infidelity worse.
Gender Differences in Sexual Desire
More than 50% men report thinking about sex daily, women less than 20% Men report more frequent sexual fantasies. When dating partners disagree about frequency, men want more than women more often than reverse. Men masturbate more often, even if in a relationship. Plasticity is the degree to which a person's sexual beliefs and behaviors can be shaped by cultural, social, and situational factors. Women's sexuality is more malleable than men's (frequency and attitudes based on more schooling). Men more likely to initiate sex.
Individual Differences in Frequency of Interpersonal Conflict
Neurotism: personality trait concerning the tendency to experience negative emotions. People higher in N show more anger than low N, longer anger, and more depression. Leads people to experience more interpersonal conflict: higher exposure. Leads people to react more intensely: higher reactivity Attachment: anxious more perceive conflict, abandonment Life stage: mid 20s most conflict due to life stressors, changes as get older Similarity: less conflict Sexual orientation: about same, content is different (same sex trust issues)
Objective and Perceived Support
Objective social support available to people and their satisfaction with their social support are only moderately related. Perceived is a better predictor of major outcomes than objective. Feelings of general support from a partner is a better predictor of outcome than partner's specific supportive behavior.
Demand/Withdrawal Pattern
One partner pursues and the other withdraws. 60% couples, women demander/man withdrawer 30% couples, man demander/women withdrawer 10% couples are equal. Women more likely to seek change in partners in 3 areas: housework, child care, and increased closeness. Associated with less effective communication, marital satisfaction (mostly for women), shown cross-culturally
Gender in Friendships
Opposite sex friendships develop for same reasons. Men often more expressive with females, additional hurdles, less common for close opposite sex friendships post marriage. Female are more emotional. Men need shared activities and interests.
Vulnerability Stress Model (Karney & Bradbury)
Past Experiences, Inborn traits-->Enduring vulnerabilities-->stressful events-->adaptive process<-->marital Quality-->marital stability. The quality of marriage emerges from the interplay of who we are, the circumstances we encounter, and the manner in which we respond to those circumstances.
Balance Theory (Gottman)
Patterns of how couples deal with conflict. 4 types, 3 stable (pos/neg 5:1) and 1 unstable (1:1) Volatiles: high degree of neg exchange, but also high degree of humor and affection Validating: willing to talk out their differences constructively, supportive listeners, moderate emotional expression Avoiders: state positions and end conversation; passage of time often choice for resolving conflict, low emotional expression Hostile: engaged in great deal of direct conflict, highly defensive, judgemental and blaming, negative affect reciprocity, kitchen sinking , low marital satisfaction
Adolescence and Friendships
Peers become increasingly more important. Time spent with family decreases from 35% in grade 5 to 14% in grade 12. Friends begin to meet attachment needs (safe haven-seek support from friends, secure base-shift from parents to friends at 11-14 yrs)
Inclusion of Other in Self (Aron & Aron)
People are more motivated to enter and maintain close relationships by including the resources, perspectives, and characteristics of the other in their own self-concept. Cognitive overlap of perceptions of other with perception of self.
Social Support Network
People from whom an individual can reasonably expect help in a time of need. Can buffer the impact of challenge, change, and loss. Attribute of friendship
Invisible Support (Bolger & Zuckerman)
Perceived availability of support buffers reactions to stress, but little evidence that actual receipt of support buffers because awareness of receipt support may have emotional costs, and perhaps the most effective support is unnoticed by recipients. Study of cohabiting couples, one of them preparing for NY Bar Exam. Decrease in depression and anxiety when receive invisible support (partner gives support but not perceived as support by receiver)
Duck's 5 Stages of Dissolution
Personal phase: when one or both become dissatisfied Dyadic phase: introduce unhappiness with relationship (argument, repair may occur) Social phase: tells friends/family to seek support Grave-dressing phase: emotions change to indifference and ready to move on Resurrection phase: go into the world as a single (mentally and physically)
Friendship Dissolution
Physical Separation New friend replace old Growing to dislike the friend Interference from dating/marriage Transition to college Gender differences
Sexual Coercion
Pressure/force to commit sex. Varies along two dimensions: type of pressure (verbal vs physical), unwanted behavior that results (fondling vs intercourse). 1/6 college women experience some form every 2 months and 56% report experiencing at least once in life. Men more likely to use physical force. Women just as likely to use verbal coercion for intercourse.
Insight-oriented Therapy
Psychodynamic tradition (Freud). Based on assumption people may carry unconscious scars from past relationships that may contaminate the present. Greater emphasis on individual vulnerabilities and past. Affective reconstruction-re-imagines and revisits past relationships in order to identify the themes and coping styles that characterized conflicts with past partners.
Race-based Rejection Sensitivity & Cross Group Friendship (Mendoza-Denton & Page-Gould)
Race-based rejection sensitivity--> reduced belonging and adjustment at historically white universities. Longitudinal data suggesting cross group friendships with majority group peers buffered students high in RS from lack of belonging/dissatisfaction. Intervention that induced cross-group friendships
Jealousy
Reaction to perceived threats to a valued relationship from a rival (real or imagined, person or thing). Subtype of anger. Blend of anger, sadness and fear. Types: Reactive- jealousy when one becomes aware of threat (realistic) to the relationship. Suspicious- jealousy without any realistic threat to the relationship
Social Support
Responsiveness to another's needs with acts that communicate caring; that validate the other's worth, feelings, or actions or that facilitate adaptive coping with problems. Varieties: Structural (# people, interconnectedness/networks), perceived available (if needed), enacted/received (objective, support exchanged not always positive), emotional, instrumental/tangible (physical assistance), implicit (not direct) vs explicit (being with close others), visible vs. invisible
Getting Over an Old Relationship
Self expansion- part of the partner is still in you (hobbies) Painful-but not as bad as we think. aware that it will subside Influence of attachment- anxious brood over ex and have harder time to move on. Secures are better adjusted. Rumination (thinking about over and over again) vs Reflection (look back to learn)- reflection is better way to cope with break-up
Capitalization
Sharing positive events and getting support from partner and deriving additional benefits. Distinction: taking above baseline vs bringing back to baseline. More predictive of relationship well-being and break-up. Benefits to individual: broaden and build model of positive emotions, functional perspective of positive emotions (broaden scope of cognition, attention, action, build resources), reaction of others
Gender, Sex, Violence
Situational couple violence (pushing, shoving, hitting) is an equal gender activity. Instigating Triggers, Impelling influences (more likely to engage), inhibiting influences (least likely to engage), influences can be distal (background, culture), dispositional (personality, beliefs, morals), relational (situational-drunk). Intimate terrorism (use of intimidation, threats, physical abuse for domination) almost exclusively male perpetrated.
Discrepancy Model vs Social Needs
Social Needs Model: Universal level of social contact is important. Below that=loneliness Discrepancy Model: Discrepancy between desired and actual social relationships. Below your desired level=loneliness. (best support)
Self-evaluation Maintenance
Social comparison process. Threatened when we perform poorly compared to others (domains such as intelligence, athleticism, popularity). Comparisons with close others can threaten us more than those with strangers. Gender differences: women more likely to do things to improve the relationship. Men more likely to protect their egos.
Aftermath of Divorce
Social networks change in friends and family. Economic resources-no more shared house, money Relationships with ex-spouse: Fiery foes (25%)- high levels of animosity, hate each other Angry associates (25%)- moderate animosity, willing to work together for kids Cooperative colleagues (40%)- civil, polite, cooperate Perfect Pals (12%)- best friends, supportive of each other Divorce is 2nd most stressful life event
Shyness
Socially reserved, inhibited social interaction with increased anxiety in social situations. Fear negative evaluation, low self esteem, perceived poor social skills, over-estimate the attention of others. Can bring out feared negative outcomes and this makes shyness worse. Small doses can be adaptive.
Friendships & Older Adults (65+)
Socioemotional selectivity: Future oriented-knowledge oriented goals (younger), Present oriented-emotional goals (older). Friendships in old age associated with fewer disabilities and decreased mortality.
Passion: Arousal and Passionate Love (Hatfield)
State of intense longing for union with another. Two factors of Passionate attraction: physiological arousal, the belief that the other person caused arousal (romantic love). Based on two factor theory of emotion: Arousal (P) x Label (C) = Emotions (E) Can lead to misattributions. Excitation transfer: arousal from first event may lead to another.
Outcomes of Conflict
Terminating conflict (least to most constructive) Separation: withdrawal without resolution Domination: one winner, one loser Compromise: both get part of what was desired Integrative agreements: both reach goals, flexibility about means to the goals needed Structural improvement: change in relationship structure
Negative Affect Reciprocity (Gottman)
The extent to which you are more likely than usual to be negative when your partner is negative (as opposed to when your partner is neutral or positive). This could look a lot of ways, like responding to anger with your own anger, responding to criticism with stonewalling or defensiveness, responding to sadness with irritation.
Childhood Peers Status & Well-Being
Three Categories: Popular (liked by many of their peers) Neglected (neither liked or disliked, shy) Rejected (disliked by peers, aggressive, more likely to experience negative outcomes like dropping out of school, criminal behavior, poor psychological adjustment, especially for boys)
Responsiveness
Understanding (aware of core features of partner) Validation (sees value/meaning in partner's attributes/aspirations) Caring (supports partner's most important needs)
Sexual Satisfaction
Vast majority in relationships are very physically satisfied. Positive correlation between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, but not just frequency of sex. When actual frequency is close to desired frequency, when ratio of sex to arguments is high, sex is one of many other positive activities, fulfills needs of autonomy (choose/control own activities), competence (confident/capable), and relatedness (close/connected)
Envy
Wanting to possess an object (person or thing, tangible or intangible) that belongs to another person.
Thinking and Passion: Rubin's Love Scale
We think about the objects of our love and thinking a lot about someone can lead to love. Think about objects of love in terms of intimacy, attachment (dependence) and caring. Portrays romantic love as a multifaceted experience that includes giving (caring) and taking (dependence)
Behavioral Maintenance
Willingness to sacrifice-involves trivial/substantial costs that are willing to be spent to preserve the relationship Michelangelo phenomenon-support for the development of skills, endorsing self-growth of each other (sculpt into ideal) Accommodation-willingness to control impulse to respond in kind to a partner's provocation, instead with constructive Play-engaging in novel, challenging, exciting, pleasant activities together Forgiveness-quickens the healing of both relationship and the partner wronged
Post-Dissolution Relationships
usually see each other less and less as time goes by. Sometimes (12%) have tumultuous period if trying to figure out. Homo couples more likely to stay connected. Barriers to maintaining friendship with partner: Lack of support from family/friends, participant's involvement in new romantic relationship, using neglect to end the relationship. Conflict during romantic relationship NOT significantly related to friendship quality