Chapter 8 - Love

Why arranged Marriage?

- less likely to divorce - more in love with each other over the long run - higher, long-term levels of marital satisfaction - families better judges of partners (not blinded by fatal attractions) - love marriages may have different expectations that arranged marriages work out before marriage

Arranged Marriages

- man and women introduced though parents/elders for religious, educational, economic, social compatibility reasons - widely practiced in India, Africa, Middle East -90% of Indian marriages arranged - not true that they're purely utilitarian (parents do think of children)

c. Fearful

- negative view of self and others - high anxiety of abandonment and high avoidance of intimacy

b. Preoccupied

- negative view of self, positive view of others - High anxiety of abandonment, low avoidance of intimacy

Polygamy/Polygyny

- one man and multiple wives - most common - religious/cultural traditions that encourage polygamy

Polyandry

- one woman married to multiple husbands - typically brothers - historically rare

a. Secure

- positive view of self and others - Low anxiety of abandonments and low avoidance of intimacy

d. Dismissing

- positive view of self, negative view of others - Low anxiety of abandonment, high avoidance of intimacy

f. Pragma

- practical/realistic - logically a good match - arranged marriages

Love Historically

- romantic love as basis for marriage is new - monogamy not the most common form of marriage - many people point to the fact that high divorce rates indicate that monogamy not the best form

Semi-arranged Marriage

- set up by parents but still dating/courtship period - still important that family gets a say, but you can ultimately decide

Polyamory

-any combination of partners - lots of love - open vs. closed

Compassionate Love

High caring and high intimacy

Sternberg's Love Triangle

Intimacy, Commitment, Passion

What's the worst combination of attachment styles?

Preoccupied and Dismissing

Romantic and Companionate Love

Romantic Love declines and Companionate Love increases

d. Mania

a lot of drama, demanding, obsessive

Lee's Style of Loving (6)

a. Eros b. Ludus c. Storge d. Mania e. Agape f. Pragma

Sternberg's Typology Of Love (8)

a. Non-love (nothing) b. Infatuation (P) c. Liking (I) d. Romantic Love (I and P) e. Companionate Love (I and C) f. Fatuous Love (P and C) g. Empty Love (C) h. Consumate Love (I and P and C)

Attachment Styles (4)

a. Secure b. Preoccupied c. Fearful d. Dismissing

c. Storge

all about friendship

b. Ludus

all about the chase and the game

Traditional Arranged Marriage

very little interaction between two people before marriage

a. Eros

very strong physical attraction

e. Agape

view of relationship as an obligation/duty