com ch 9 managing conflict thru forgiveness

core relational rules

define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us

conditional reconciliation

occurs when the transgressor communicates some level of regret for the offense and offers an apology

emotional residues

people experience lingering emotional responses to the memory of the transgression

processual reconciliation

takes place as the offender attempts to remedy the harm done

truth bias

we assume that friends tell us the truth

helping orientation

we assume that our partners, friends, family love us and desire to help us rather than hurt us

unforgiveness

cognitive process in which one doesn't let go of feelings of revenge and maintains a desire to retaliate

forgiveness

cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate

reasons why people don't forgive

1. other has not admitted wrongdoing, apologized, or asked for forgiveness 2. apology is too elaborate or too simple; seems insincere 3. some people prefer the role of victim 4. less empathetic people find it harder to forgive 5. they don't know how, no one offers support to do so 6. younger people are less likely to forgive

revenge

a behavior based on the notion of "an eye for an eye"

restoration

achieved as trust is rebuilt and relationship is recreated

reconciliation

behavioral process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness

transforming the meaning of an event

changing the way we view an event in light of other events in our lives

relational transgressions

extremely problematic situations in which core rules of a relationship are violated, leaving high emotional residues