com ch 9 managing conflict thru forgiveness
core relational rules
define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us
conditional reconciliation
occurs when the transgressor communicates some level of regret for the offense and offers an apology
emotional residues
people experience lingering emotional responses to the memory of the transgression
processual reconciliation
takes place as the offender attempts to remedy the harm done
truth bias
we assume that friends tell us the truth
helping orientation
we assume that our partners, friends, family love us and desire to help us rather than hurt us
unforgiveness
cognitive process in which one doesn't let go of feelings of revenge and maintains a desire to retaliate
forgiveness
cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate
reasons why people don't forgive
1. other has not admitted wrongdoing, apologized, or asked for forgiveness 2. apology is too elaborate or too simple; seems insincere 3. some people prefer the role of victim 4. less empathetic people find it harder to forgive 5. they don't know how, no one offers support to do so 6. younger people are less likely to forgive
revenge
a behavior based on the notion of "an eye for an eye"
restoration
achieved as trust is rebuilt and relationship is recreated
reconciliation
behavioral process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness
transforming the meaning of an event
changing the way we view an event in light of other events in our lives
relational transgressions
extremely problematic situations in which core rules of a relationship are violated, leaving high emotional residues