Gender Concepts & Communication - Chapter 10/Lecture Notes

Report - Talk (masculine style)

- talk is limited to information - similar to speaking in public - holding "center stage" and maintaining higher status. - used to claim attention.

Masculine Values

- very aware of authority structure. - the "system" favors the one up position. - see overt submission as weakness.

Masculine Competition

- want "Center Stage" - who is more in shape, athletic, cocky - risk taking, physical size, knowledge & women.

Advice & Problems Women

- want men to offer matching troubles. - giving advice unless asked limits her connection. - want the gift of understanding.

Men & Small Talk

- want to get to the point - view small talk as "useless" - conversation is impersonal, factual w/ task focused content.

Feminine Communication

- women see the world as a network of connections. - all relationships are intertwined - women prefer to solve things in connection w/ others in the "communication" way.

3 Most Important Values in Masculine Communication

- Avoid being in the "one down" position. - They compete to get the "one up" position. - Preserve Independence

Rough Body

- Communication that takes place over text/online; less cues and more misinterpretation.

Demand/Withdraw Pattern

- Demand (supply & demand) - Withdrawal (emotional & physical) - This pattern is in many marriages. - She is trying to establish connection. - He is trying to establish independence.

Fine Body

- Face to Face communication where many cues can be detected; body language, tone, gesture.

Meta Message

- Info about the relations among people about the nature or structure of their relationship. - Info about people's attitudes toward what they are saying or who they are saying it to. - Frame a conversation, let you know how to interpret the information and let you know what position the speaker is assuming.

Masculine Communication Perspective

- Men view the world as a hierarchy. - Orientation to world/others men are aware of people who are higher/lower than them in "pecking order".

Women

- Plate of Spaghetti/ String of lights; one goes out they all go out.

Feminine Communication

- Seeks to minimize differences - Talk is the glue that holds relationships together. - Talking is how women build and maintain friendships.

Meta Message

- Shapes your reality when it becomes the most important thing in an argument.

Feminine Style of Communication

- Telling details is the grown up version of telling secrets. - Telling secrets enhances connections or creates friendships. - Women feel hurt if they are not included in the discussion of details w/ friends. - Women are vulnerable when they find they have no secrets to tell.

"Secret Telling"

- This action shows "we are close".

Masculine Communication Men are hard wired

- To talk is to compete; to compete is to connect. - Often see others as adversaries. - Often seek the upper hand.

Women & Small Talk

- Very Important - View it as crucial to maintaining a sense of comradere. - Conversation mechanisms are important and need to keep running.

Men

- Waffles/ String of lights, one goes out the rest stay on.

Masculine Values

- friends with men they have competition with. - hard wired to look at size & measure up other men around them. - respect "competition" even if you don't win.

Masculine Values

- get a sense of pleasure from fixing things. - reinforces their feeling of being in control, self sufficient and able to dominate the world of objects.

Woman's Goals in Feminine Style Communication

- goal is to reach consesus - value closeness in community & symmetry of connections creates community. - defend against being pushed away or left out of the group. -avoid the appearance of superiority.

Masculine Values

- life is a contest, a struggle to preserve independence and avoid failure. - independence creates or leads to asymmetry (we are separate & different).

Men to Men Communication

- make connections thru competition - doing things is the "glue" for men's relationships. - give solutions (leave feeling better) reinforces they are male and keeps competition alive. - make fun of each other - making fun of problems let's them know they are bigger than their problems.

Male to Female Communication

- men will communicate w/ women in the feminine style of communication; not in front of other males.

Feminine Communication

- often seeks to give confirmation & support. - negotiate for closeness or intimacy (KEY VALUE)

Religion & Culture

- some cultures push more towards masculine style. - some are more egalitarian. - certain religions, like Christianity influence males to use a more feminine style of communication.

Advice & Problems Men

- take offense at women offering to match their troubles - makes them feel belittled; not unique, weakness. - advice is asymmetrical.

Gender

The cultural and socially constructed difference between males & females found in the meanings, beliefs and practices associated with "feminine" & "masculine".

Most often men use masculine style & women use feminine style in communicating.

True

Conflict theorists would view gender differences as

a reflection of the subjugation of one group, such as women, by another group, such as men.