Interpersonal Communication Chapter 8

Conflict Myths (4)

1. Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship 2. Conflict can always be avoided 3. Conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings 4. Conflict can always be resolved

Manage Information (emphasis)

"I language"!!! Own your statements and how you are feeling. Give your full attention to the speaker. Shut out internal messages and analyze the information. Check your understanding by summarizing, responding, and asking questions.

statements that use the word I to express how a speaker is feeling

"I" language

How to break the problem down to components

-Conflict producing events in chronological order -The type of conflict present -The symptoms, effects, and obstacles -Whether the conflict stems from several sub-problems -Determine if more information is needed

Conflict Management Skills

-Manage your emotions -Manage information -Manage goals -Manage the problem

Power Principles

-Power exists in all relationships( when you talk, you exert power over other people, even if it is just getting them to listen to you) -Power derives from the ability to meet a person's needs(you can meet someone's needs, you have power) -Both people in a relationship have power(when 2 people are satisfying each other's needs, they create in independent relationship) -Power is circumstantial(our needs change, so does our power) -Power is negotiated(partners often negotiate which individual will have decision-making responsibility over what issues)

Collaboration is based on the following principles

-Separate the people from the problem by leaving personal grievances out of the discussion -Focus on shared interests by emphasizing common interests, values, and goals -Generate many options to solve the problem. Base decisions on objective criteria

5 Conflict Management Styles

Avoidance Accomodation Competition Compromise Collaboration

Avoiding style conflict disadvantage

Avoiding includes sending a message that shows that you don't dare about the other people's feelings, it may make the situation worse, and the conflict remains unsolved.

Avoiding style conflict advantages

Avoiding may offer the benefits of allowing time for each person to think about the issues, cool down, and ponder other ways to deal w/ the problem, or not to make a mountain out of a molehill

Collaboration Advantages

Enhances commitment, builds rapport, and consider other's feelings.

Power Sources

Legitimate Power Referent Power Expert Power Reward Power Coercive Power

conflict management style that involves giving in to the demands of others; they fear rejection, seek approval, or to avoid threats to their self-worth; to avoid a scene, or just to give in to the other. this is called the "lose-win" approach because you sacrifice your needs so someone else can win an argument

accommodation

conflict management style that involves backing off and trying to side-step conflict; they don't like the hassle of dealing with a difficult situation, they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. this is the "lose-lose" approach

avoidance

conflict management style that uses other-oriented strategies to achieve a positive solution for all involved; are more likely to view conflict as a set of problems to be solved rather than a game in which one person wins and another loses; seen as a "win-win" approach. This is best used when all sides of the conflict need some new, fresh ideas.

collaboration

conflict management style that stresses winning a conflict at the expense of the other person involved; This is a "win-lose" philosophy that places the focus on yourself. People who compete often resort to blaming or seeking a scapegoat rather than assuming responsibility or a conflict. If blaming does not work, people resort to threats and warnings.

competition

taking persuasive actions to get others to comply with our goals

compliance gaining

conflict management style that attempts to find the middle ground in a conflict; this is called the "lose/win-lose/win" approach because each person has to give up a bit of what he or she hoped to get

compromise

Manage the Problem (emphasis)

Try to structure conflicts as a problem to be solved rather than as battles to be won. Use the following problem solving structure: ~Define the problem ~Analyze the problem by working with your partner in breaking it down into components ~Determine the goals you and your partner seek ~Generate many possible options (the more solutions the better of picking the right possible one) ~Select the best option

conflict that helps build new insights and estabilshes new patterns in a relationship

constructive conflict

pattern in which one person makes a demand and the other person avoids conflict by changing the subject or walking away

demand-withdrawal pattern of conflict management

conflict that dismantles rather than strengthens relationships

destructive conflict

tension arising from a person's need for two things at the same time: 1. We desire to be both separate from others and connected to them at the same time. 2. We want and need various degrees of both openness and closedness in our relationships

dialectical tension

power based on a person's knowledge and experience

expert power

Compromise may have Disadvantages.......

in that no one is pleased with the outcome and it may avoid underlying issues that need to be discussed

dependent on each other; one person's actions affect the other person

interdependent

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in the achievement of their goals

interpersonal conflict

Accommodation Style disadvantages

it can give the accommodator a false sense of security by producing a "pseudosolution" that doesn't solve, but merely postpones, seeking a solution, others may take advantage of you i you accommodate consistently and by accommodating too quickly, you short circuit the possibility of finding a creative solution to everyone's liking.

power that is based on respect for a person's position

legitimate power

Take time to establish rapport by

not immediately driving into the problem. maintain a positive atmosphere. Self-talk helps in how ourselves play a major role in how we respond to others.

power that comes from our attraction ot another person, or the charisma a person possesses

referent power

power based on a person's ability to satisfy our needs

reward power

conflict that stems from different ideas, definitions, perceptions, or goals. the key to this is to focus on the issues at hand so that the expression of differences does not deteriorate into a battle focusing on personalities

simple conflict

Monitor your nonverbal messages by......

speaking calmly, eye contact, and maintaining a non-threatening facial expression. No personal attacks on other people or their character! No name calling and emotional overstatements.

Accommodation Style advantages

this style shows you are reasonable and want to help, you may fain credibility by letting a trivial issue slide, and it is appropriate if you are wrong or have made a mistake.

Conflict as a process

1. Source:First phase in the conflict process-is the one that sets the stage for disagreement. This starts when you first become aware of differences between you and another person 2. Beginning:Frustration Awareness-This stage where at least one person becomes aware that the differences in the relationship are increasingly problematic 3. Middle:Active Conflict-When you bring your frustration to the attention of others, a conflict becomes an active, expressed struggle. 4. End:Resolution-When you begin to try to manage the conflict, it has progressed to the resolution stage 5. Aftermath:Follow-up-involves dealing with hurt feelings or managing simmering grudges and checking with the other person to confirm that the conflict has not retreated into the frustration awareness stage

Manage your emotions (emphasized)

Be aware and understand that you are feeling angry, upset, etc. and make a decision on whether to express your feelings. Set a good time and place to discuss your anger and frustration; always remember the HALT(Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) method! Never discuss issues when you are in HALT. Stop and take a break and wait until you are calm, cool, and collected. Count to 10 and breathe. Plan your message by identifying your goal and determining the outcome of your liking. Always stay calm!

conflict that gets personal. a personal attack puts your partner on the defense. issues become more entangled. this conflict should be steered back to simple conflict. make this a battle to be solved than won. write down what you want to say and vow not to reciprocate what things get prepared.

Ego conflict

dredging up old problems and issues from the past to use against your partner

Gunnysacking

Collaboration Disadvantages

Involves time, patience, skill and energy required.

conflict triggered by a lack of understanding and miscommunication. Pseudo(false or fake), this is caused by no clarification or more information not asked by us or others.

Pseudoconflict

Conflict Types

Pseudoconflict Simple Conflict Ego Conflict

Compromise could have an Advantage if......

a quick resolution can be reached, if it reinforces that perception of equal power, if it may provide a temporary solution, and may save face

power based on the use of sanctions or punishments to influence others

coercive power

consistent pattern or approach you use to manage disagreement with others; include 2 primary dimensions 1 concern for others 2 concern for self

conflict style