Interpersonal Communication Chapter 9 (Managing Conflict in Relationships)

➢ What are the steps of constructive conflict management as we discussed them in class? What should the couple do in each step?

-Define your needs -Share our needs with the other person -Listen to other persons needs -Generate Possible Solutions -Evaluate Solution -Implement the Solution -Follow up on the solution

➢ Principles of conflict:

Conflict has 5 principles. 1. Conflict is natural in Western Relationships 2. Conflict can be expressed Overtly or Covertly 3. Social groups shape the meaning of conflict behaviors 4. Conflict can be managed well or poorly 5. Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships

➢ Define conflict

Conflict is an expressed tension that accompanies a feeling that there is an incompatible goal and that partners should work to resolve their differences.

➢ What are some benefits to interpersonal conflict?

If managed properly interpersonal conflict may enhance relationships by enlarging partner's understanding of each other. It may also enable us to consider points of view other than our own. It also provides opportunities for growth and to strengthen our relationship with a deep insight into other's thoughts and feelings.

➢ What are the 3 approaches to conflict?

Lose-Lose Win-Lose Win-Win

➢ Which responses to conflict are men more likely to adopt than women?

Men are more likely to adopt the win-lose orientations to conflict. They are also likely to engage in avoiding discussions about problems and force their resolutions on others. John Gottman finds that during conflict men's heart rate rise and remain elevated for a longer period of time than women. Therefore since conflict is physically and psychologically more difficult for men, they tend to avoid it.

➢ What is the difference between relational and content level conflict?

The difference between relational and content level conflict is that the content level speaks to the underlying meaning and its connection to the overall satisfaction in the relationship. By ignoring the relational level of conflict we undermine the effects a conflict could have on the health and durability of the relationship. By doing so we will enable dual perspective which may lead to a constructive communication climate and result positively rather than detrimentally.

➢ What are the three stages of unproductive and productive conflict?

The three stages are the early, middle and later stages.

➢ What are the five conflict management styles? When are they most/least effective?

1. Focus on the Overall Communication System It is important to create a confirming and appropriate communication climate for most effective discourse. A confirming and supportive climate could withstand even unconstructive communication later on. 2. Time Conflict Purposefully -For true effect, try not to engage in serious conflict at times when both parties are not psychologically fully present. -Make sure each person is ready to talk about a problem -A third use of chronemics to promote positive conflict is bracketing. 3. Aim for Win-Win Conflict -Identifying your feelings and needs or desires -Dual Perspective -Promote cooperation and mutual respect -Balance concern for each other. Communicate the message of "I care about you" on the relationship level 4. Honor Yourself, Your Partner, and the Relationship -Express feelings and needs clearly -Adhere to Win-Win conflict orientation 5. Show Grace When Appropriate -Granting forgiveness and putting aside our own needs when there is no standard that says we should or must do so.

➢ What is the difference between overt and covert conflict?

Overt conflict is expressed directly and is out in the open and explicit. Yet covert is hidden and may be expressed in the form of games and passive aggression.

➢ What is the most constructive response to conflict?

The most constructive response to conflict is the Voice Response which addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it. Voice implies that people care enough. Loyalty may also be a constructive response to conflict since it will uphold commitment as a partner will overlook conflict to not challenge the stability of the relationship. However the loyalty response could follow a pattern in which the loyal partner may feel unappreciated.

➢ What are the outcomes of managing conflict constructively?

The outcome of managing conflict constructively is a satisfying relationship in which both partners are confirmed. If conflict is not managed constructively, such as through the use of kitchen-sinking and counterproposals, a conflict could have detrimental effects on the health and satisfaction of the relationship.