PSC 150: Relationship Science Midterm 3

Violence

A. Classical Research: Crime Data - for a long time, what we knew about violence in relationships came from crime data --> crime surveys --> police data --> women's shelters Results: - less than 1% of the population - overwhelmingly male (~ 10 times more likely for perpetuator to be male) - a caveat: men are more violent than women in general - men commit more crimes than women --> 83% vs 17% of 'crimes of violence' --> most of this violence is directed towards strangers - For both sexes: verbal arguments are much less likely to lead to violence in family relationships than in non-close relationships --> two strangers in a bar are more likely to escalate to violence B. The Family Violence Perspective - Assessing a new population (regular households) - the conflict tactics scale - variety of behaviors that they ask about that range from verbal aggression to severe violence that people may engage in. - Results --> 10-15% of the population --> women are slightly MORE likely than men to perpetrate C. Objections to the CTS - are the cases of female violence limited to retaliation (no) --> violence in same sex relationships --> many studies explicitly ask about initiation - does the conflict tactic scale mean anything (yes) -> is it reliable (is it consistent over time) --> is it valid (it predicts breakup) - the filed circa 1995: vitriolic debate The Johnson (1995) resolution - A. Patriarchal (intimate) terrorism --> grew out of interest in feminist issues --> data from shelters, hospitals, police records --> violence is caused by patriarchal institutions that give men the right to control 'their women --> almost 100% male --> frequent violence --> violence escalates - B. Common (situational) couple violence --> grew out of interest in family conflict in general --> data from nationally representative surveys --> violence caused by conflict situations that 'get out of hand' --> perpetuator rate: ~50/50 --> occasional violence --> violence does not escalate II. two kinds of violence - a sex difference across both forms of violence - women are more likely than men to seriously hurt by intimate partner violence - men's greater size and strength --> they are more likely to hurt women when they wat to (intimate violence) --> they are more likely to hurt women when they do not want to (situational) III. Explaining Violence A. intimate (patriarchal) terrorism 1. feminist perspectives --> men maintain power through subjugation and mistreatment of women - until recently, American women were regarded as property --> until 1976, killing your wife for cheating on you was legally defensible in Texas - gender inequality predicts acceptance of violence for refusing sex/answering back - Egypt: (70%) vs New Zeeland (1%) 2. Evolutionary Perspective - violence against any intimate partner seems extremally maladaptive - but some evolutionary psychologists argue that men evolved to have a 'proprietary view' of women's sexuality --> a solution to the paternity certainty problem? --> intimate violence is a maladaptive byproduct of men's greater size and propriety tendency B. Situational Couple Violence - 1. self-regulatory failure - most people don't think its okay to beat u their partner - strong interdependence makes (nonviolent) conflict much more likely --> interaction is frequent, emotions are involved etc. - nonviolent conflict can result in violent impulses --> people sometimes act on these momentary impulses, even though the believe such actions are wrong - one study: 50% felt a violent urge, but only 20% acted on it 2. the I^3 model of initiate partner violence --> instigation: the exposure to behavior that normatively triggers an urge to aggress (proactive, insult) --> impellance: dispositional or situational factors that produce a strong urge to aggress (dispositional anger, stalled car) --> inhibition: dispositional or situational factors that increase the likelihood that people will override this urge to aggress (executive control, sobriety) - the three processes function independently - strong instigation --> strong impellance --> weak inhibition --> lead to perfect storm

with regards to changes in sexuality over time, which of the following trends is true?

while the number of sexual partners has not substantially changed over time, guilt about sex has declined, demonstrating that sexual attitudes and sexual behaviors are starting to line up

Which of the following is most likely to occur within communal relationships

your friend asks if you would like to join an art class with him, but you don't have the money. Your friend pays for you because he thinks you will enjoy it

which of the following is not an example of asexual reproduction?

your offspring will not be resistant to parasites

of the following, which of the following is likely to be the strongest predictor of whether a couple breaks up or not?

a) Commitment to the partner

Andy has positive illusions about his partner Bianca. Which of the following is NOT likely to be true?

- Andy is likely to experience uncertainty and ambivalence in his relationship with Bianca

Processing Information

- The term information processing refers to all the ways our mind organizes everything we learn about the world. Functions of Beliefs and Values - According to the ideal standards model the comparison between what we value in relationships generally—the ideal standard—and what we perceive to be true of our current relationship determines whether we will be satisfied. - perceptual confirmation: if we expect people to behave a certain way, we're more likely to perceive their behavior that way. Behavior in Relationships - behavioral confirmation is the process through which our beliefs and expectations can also shape the way we experience the world by affecting our behavior. - a self-fulfilling prophecy, behavior that leads to an experience that is expected to happen. Origins of Beliefs and Values - Culture and Society --> A society's culture, therefore, determines the acceptable standards and behaviors for intimacy and committed relationships Mass Media - The way relationships are portrayed in the media has been shown to affect what people believe about relationships in general, how people evaluate their own relationships, and how they behave. Motivated Reasoning - Motivated reasoning refers to all the ways our motives, desires, and preferences shape how we select, interpret, and organize information, for the purpose of satisfying specific needs and achieving certain goals Enhancement: Believing the Best - enhancement motive: They want to believe their relationship is successful, their partner is worthy of trust, and their investment of time and energy is justified. This powerful motive leads to an enhancement bias—processing information that supports and strengthens the desired positive belief in the success of the relationship. Accuracy: Knowing and Being Known - accuracy motive, the desire to understand a partner and be understood in return, is more important - our desires and goals affect what information we notice in the first place, how long we pay attention, and what we overlook Minimizing the Impact of Negative Information - If you make a habit of excusing your partner's negative behaviors, then your general feelings about the relationship are going to be pretty resilient over time. B. Evidence for transformation of motivation - The 7/14 study --> participants: 47 married adults --> IV: #1: destructive vs constructive partner behavior - your partner shows up two hours late for a date that the two of you had together - DV: proportion of destructive (rather than constructive) responses --> 'I would tell my partner how furious I was and call him//her 'unreliable' --> 'I would say that I'm upset but that I'm sure there is a good explanation' - RESULTS: Generally, people are acting very nicely when their partner does something nice for them. Respond nicely in turn regardless of how much time you had. When the partner did something bad if you had 7 seconds to respond you responded more negatively than if you had more time. The extra bit of time makes you lash out. Suggests that taking your partner's perspective takes some time. transformation fo time of motivation takes some time. C. Three sources of control - Actor control: the degree to which one controls ones own outcomes - whats is the situation doing to you- extend of your choices and you are in control and what occurs to you (eg. go to class or skip class) - Partner control: the degree to which one's partner controls one's own outcomes (eg. outcomes determined by partner actions, my choice has no outcome on what happens (eg. partner gives massage or not - they control whether your shoulders will ache or not) - joint control: the degree to which changing ones behavior makes it desirable for the partner also to change behavior (need to know what my partner is gonna do so I can know the best outcome for me-have to be able to coordinate my behavior based on what they are doing) - you go do groceries and they do launndry so we can both finish early- need to knwo what they are doing THE PRISONERS DILEMNA - # years in prison - cooperate: DONT turn your partner in to police - Defect: turn on your partner --> betty you defect on parter Andy and if he continues to cooprate with betty, betty can go free if betty continues to go silent, but Andy snitches you go to prison for four years. If you both cooperate. - More partner control than actor control. No joint control in situation. - generates two emotions: greed and fright - Actor control creates greed, because if I turn in my partner I will have a shorter sentence. - Partner control leads to fear, because betty is afraid of what their partner will do as they have power over them as they can increase their sentence by three years. - some actor control making betty do the nasty thing. - in order to solve the dilmena, both need to be good to each other, as the best interst of the good to both go to jail for a year aech. If people get greedy or afraid it will be worse for everyone, so people need to get over the fear and the greed of trying to do the thing that is best for you individually.

in interdependence theory, ___ are linked to satisfaction but __ are linked to dependence

A. expectations, alternatives

an organism is not likely to behave altruistically toward A. a cousin B. a member of a group that he/she will see again C. another organism that has no memory D. An identical twin

C. another organism that has no memory

Which of the following is the best example of pure joint control?

D. When my partner I give each other Valentines Day gifts, I feel good, when we agree to not give each other gifts, I feel good, but when one gives a gift and the other doesn't, I feel bad.

What is not a way to maintain positive illusions?

people become good ay predicting their partner behaviors which prevents disappointment

III. Relationship conflict

A. Honest communication vs Good management - honest communication model: openly express negative feelings, deal with conflict directly --> 'never go to bed angry' - good management: regular expression of negativity is caustic, rehashing unresolvable issues is not helpful --> 'the morning is wiser than the night' B. Negative vs Positive Behaviors - 1. The Clinical Perspective (1970's) - in controlled settings, ask couples to identify and work toward resolving a disagreement - HOW couples talk about the disagreement is assumed to be more important than the topic itself - so how do happy and unhappy couples differ - positive behavior --> identifying sources and boundaries of the problem --> suggesting a plan of action --> validating the partners perspective --> acknowledging improvement - negative behavior --> blaming/critisim --> hostile questioning (lawyer) --> sarcasm --> diffusing responsibility --> global statements ('you always,' , 'you never') - 5:1 heuristic - happy couples exhibit 5 positive behavior for every one negative behavior, if you fall below this, you may enter into an unhappy partnership 2. EVLN - a theory-based way of describing conflicts behavior --> Exit, Voice, Loyalty, Neglect - Exit= destructive and Active --> Threatening to end the relationship, abusing, criticizing, derogating the partner - Neglect= destructive and passive --> ignoring the partner, avoiding discussion, criticizing on unrelated issues - hard to measure so use dairy study so they can tell you privately tell you they got annoyed or ignored partner when it may not be visible in a study interaction - Voice= active and constructive --> attempting to improve conditions, suggest solutions, alter problematic behavior - Loyalty= constructive and passive --> waiting/ hoping for improvement, forgiving and forgetting, marinating faith C. Destructive Patterns - usually, these behaviors come in sequences 1. Negative Reciprocity (NR) - responding negatively to negative partner behavior --> negatively becomes an 'absorbing state' - difficult to stop - failure to repair the interaction --> 'stop interrupting me'- constructive, yet maybe irritable --> NR option: 'i wouldn't have to if I could get a word in' vs. - repairing option: 'sorry, what were you saying' 2. demand-withdraw - one partner demand, criticize, nags - the other partner avoids, withdraws, becomes defensive typically sex-differentiated --> women = demanding --> men = withdraw - power differences: who is expected to do what, and some simple differences of who is typically doing it vs who is expected to do it and who is wanting to change the status quo and who is not. - implications for honest communication vs good management - are these strategies good to bad? it depends . . . - Honest Communication: --> voice is good --> criticism (exit) and negative reciprocity are really bad - Good Management: --> loyalty is good --> withdrawal and avoidance of problems predict less satisfaction

Alphabet Mafia (LGBT) sexuality

A. LGBT in the US - Kinsey's famous studies (1948-1953) - 'normalized' masturbation, same-sex sexuality, etc. - includes the rope with romantic attraction, sexual arousal, sexual attraction, sexual attraction, sexual behavior, and sexual identity. - sexual attraction is perceived as the most 'central' to our sexual orientation - romantic attraction: feelings of infatuation, love, and emotional desire for another person - sexual arousal: a physiological response to same-sex and different-sex people - sexual attraction: fantasies, feelings of lust, and erotic desire for another person - sexual behavior: the overt sexual interactions a person engaged in with another person - sexual identity: the way a person understands and labels his or her attraction to, and sexual interactions with other people. - Identity: - in 2020, 5.6% of the population was LGBTQ - Among the LGBTQ community: 11.7% of folks are lesbian, 24% are gay, 54% are bisexual, and 11.3% are transgender - but the proportion of individuals who have had same-gender sex at some point in their lives is higher - out of all respondents reporting same-sex sex in the past 5 years, 28% of the men and 45% of the woman identified as straight. - identity over the generations: --> baby boomers increased, but in millennials and gen z there is a significantly more identifying as part of the community, around 18% identify as one. - feminist and queer model of sexuality called sexual configuration theory that decentralized gender of partner-sexuality is more complex, layered and nuanced (van anders, 2015) --> created a novel model that: 1. throws out assumptions that gender is binary 2. includes aspects of sexuality other than the gender we are attracted to 3. acknowledges different attractions (eg. romantic attraction, physical attraction, etc.), or different types of sex (eg. non penetrative) --> sexual attraction: a desire for contact involving genitals as in sex with a specific person --> sensual attraction: a desire for physical contact as in hugs, kisses, etc. with a specific person --> romantic attraction: a desire to have what is considered a romantic relationship with a specific person --> platonic attraction: a desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific person --> aesthetic attraction: getting pleasure from the appearance of a specific person as in getting pleasure from watching a beautiful scenery - sexual configuration theory --> wants to decentralize gender and think about all the other identities that might effect behavior and attitudes - asexuality and the sexual orientation 'spectrum' --> asexual: no sexual attraction is experienced at all. used as an umbrella term and a separate identity --> demisexual: may experience sexual attraction, but only once a deep, emotional bond occurs --> greysexual: experiences sexual attraction rarely, and weakly there's no to act on it - Huge study on asexual folks (rothblum et al., 2019) found: -> 27% of asexuals identity as women and 27% identify as genderqueer/non-binary --> majority of asexuals were assigned female at both (86%) compared with 14% who were assigned male at birth - 91% of asexuals are in the younger cohort (ages 18-27), compared to 61% of non-asexual LGB people --> many people are now feeling more comfortable with this lable - asexuality is not synonymous with lack of sexual attraction, sexual behavior, or intimate relationships. A little more than a third of asexuals reported being sexually attracted; more than half of them reported having had sex; and they were as likely to report that they were in a romantic intimate relationship (59% compared with 61% of non-sexual LGB people) B. Origins of sexual orientation - Queer sexulaity is not new --> Ancient Greeks --> Saphos: "and her light stretches over salt sea equally and flowerdeep field" - social and environmental factors affect . . --> pursuit, expression, labeling 1. LGBT+ vs Straight differences - usually smaller than sexual diffs - men > women, gay or straight --> interest in casual sex, young partners, testosterone

Jeremy just met Jonathan. Over the course of their first flirtation and first date, Jeremy's romantic interest in Jonathan is increasing. According to data presented in class, what kind of relationship are Jeremy and Jonathan most likely to have?

- its too early to predict the outcome

Rewards and Costs are different

- (1) try to obtain rewards and (2) try to avoid costs --> approach motivation: in seeking rewards, we try to satisfy an appetite for desirable experiences and when we approach these experiences we experience enthusiasm. --> avoidance motivation: our desire to avoid costs, so we strive to void undesired experiences and to reduce negative feelings such as anxiety and fear. --> precarious (approach goals are fulfilled + avoidance goals are thwarted): many dangers and many delights --> flourishing (approach goals are fulfilled+ avoidance goals are fulfilled): many delights and few costs --> Distressed (avoidance goals are thwarted + approach goals are thwarted): few rewards and many costs --> Boring (approach goals are thwarted + avoidance goals are fulfilled) - self expansion model of human motivation: holds that we are attracted to partnerships that expand the range of our interests, skills and experiences

Four types of relationships

- 1) outcomes exceed both their CL's and their CL Alt --> getting more from their partner than they expected and they believe they're doing better than they could anywhere else. happy and stable. 2) peoples outcomes fall below their CL's but are still higher than their CL alt. dissatisfied as they are getting less than they expect and feel they deserve, but still dong better than they think they can do elsewhere. unhappy and stable. 3) CL alt's are higher than their outcomes but their CL's are lower, they're in a much more favorable situation. satisfied and believe that they have even more attractive outcomes awaiting them somewhere else. happy but unstable because they are unlikely to stay. 4) peoples outcomes may be lower than both their CL's and CL alt. as long as present outcomes were lower than both of them, they'd be in an unhappy and unstable relationship that probably wouldn't last much longer.

Prenatal Hormones

- According to this view, straight men and lesbians have been exposed to higher levels of testosterone prenatally, are thereby "masculinized" biologically, and develop an attraction to women. Straight women and gay men have been exposed to lower levels of testosterone prenatally, are thereby "feminized" biologically, and develop an attraction to men. - Higher levels of testosterone do foreshadow the development of same-sex attraction, most notably for women - feminine males and masculine females were more than 10 times as likely to be gay and lesbian, respectively, when compared to children in the study rated as typical for their gender - Higher levels of testosterone, drawn from the amniotic fluid surrounding the developing fetus, have been shown to predict lower levels of emotional sensitivity (e.g., a poorer ability to detect others' emotions), as well as higher levels of stereotypical masculine forms of play

CL and CL alt as time goes by

- losses typically affect us more than equivalent gains. - both men and women failed to notice about 1/4 of the positive behaviors that their partners said they performed. partners with dismissing or fearful attachment styles are especially likely to miss some of the positive, loving things their spouses did.

Andy has positive illusions about his partner Bianca. Which of the following is likely to be true?

- Andy perceives Bianca more positively than Bianca perceives herself - Andy acknowledges Bianca's limitations but downplays their importance - Andy thinks that Bianca's strengths are unique to Bianca

Communication, Cooperation, and Conflict

- Committed same-sex and different-sex couples seldom differ. Gay, lesbian, and straight people all seek the same traits in a mate—intelligence, a sense of humor, honesty, and kindness, and they all voice the same aspirations for love, faithfulness, and lifelong commitment. - When asked to describe meaningful themes in their intimate lives, they all highlight the value of intimate contact, an authentic emotional connection, trust and open communication, and caregiving. Regardless of how they are composed, couples tend to argue about the same things, invest in parenting to similar degrees, experience comparable levels of closeness and intimacy, and undergo similar changes in happiness differences - greater tendency for partners in same-sex relationships to emphasize equality and fairness more than partners in different-sex couples. - Perhaps because they are acutely aware of the inequality they experience outside the home, gay and lesbian couples tend to seek equality inside the home, striving for balance in how they allocate their household chores. - "who does what" is actively negotiated rather than assumed

The predictors of divorce

- George Levinger: 1) attraction: enhanced by the rewards a relationship offers and is diminished by its costs 2) alternatives: other partners, or any alternative that may lure someone away from an existing relationship 3) barriers: make it harder to leave, (legal, social pressure) - two things that distinguished couples who divorced from those who did not: dependence on ones partner and religious beliefs Karney and Bradbury's vulnerability-stress adaptation model 1) enduring vulnerabilities: adverse experiences in family, maladaptive personality traits, etc. 2) stressful events: require partner to support one another and adjust to new circumstances, but some are better able than others. - couples with good communication skills who have already encountered moderate stress in their relationships are likely to be more resilient and to adjust better to new stressors. - quality of our marriage emerge from the interplay of who we are, the circumstances we encounter and the manner in which we respond to those circumstances PAIR Project - after 13 years, 35 percent divorced, another 20% are unhappy, and only 45% could be said to be happily married - enduring dynamics: spouses are destined to be discontent begin their marriage being less in love and more at odds with each other, so marriages that are headed for divorce are weaker than others from the very beginning. (found to be true) - emergent distress model: problematic behavior that ultimately destroys a couple begins after they marry. - disillusionment model: couples typically begin their marriage with rosy, romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically positive. - suggests that dispassionate and accurate perceptions of ones lover that preclude subsequent disappointments and disenchantment should also prevent divorce RESULTS: size and speed of change sin romance best predict which couples will divorce and the problems couples bring to their marriage determine how quickly a divorce will occur. EARLY YEARS OF MARAIGE PROJECT - black couples were more prone to divorce: cohabited for longer period, had children before married, and more likely to come from broken families. - social context in which couples conduct their relationship may have substantial effects on the outcomes they encounter

Sexual Orientations and Identities

- Kinsey and his colleagues identified what people do sexually, - sexual orientation refers to the way in which we pursue love, attachment, and meaningful social connections with people of our same sex, with people of a different sex, or with people of either sex. sexual orientation is best understood as the combination of the following five components: - Romantic attraction: Feelings of infatuation, love, and emotional desire for another person. - Sexual arousal: A physiological response to same-sex and different-sex people. - Sexual attraction: Fantasies, feelings of lust, and erotic desire for another person. - Sexual behavior: The overt sexual interactions a person engages in with another person. - Sexual identity: The way a person understands and labels his or her attraction to, and sexual interactions with, other people. - sexual attraction is typically viewed as the strand that is most central to sexual orientation, particularly because sexual attraction, accompanied by sexual arousal, motivates sexual behavior and sexual identity - their romantic and sexual thoughts and feelings, together with their behaviors and physiology, are all organized into a coherent sexual orientation that guides them toward prospective mates. - When it comes to sexual identity, men dominate at the extremes, showing a greater inclination than women to say they are either exclusively straight or exclusively gay. Women, in contrast, dominate between the extremes, showing a greater tendency than men to identify as mostly straight or bisexual

Asexuality

- asexuality to refer to a lack of sexual desire and sexual attraction - Asexual people do not experience sexual desire, have no choice in the matter, and experience their lack of desire as an intrinsic characteristic of who they are. - Growing consensus indicates that asexuality is not a medical condition, primarily because asexual people do not necessarily find their low level of desire to be personally troubling or bothersome

Sexual Activity and Sexual Exclusivity

- Regardless of sexual orientation, people are happier in their relationships when they have a fulfilling sex life - Other studies show that lesbian couples devote about an hour on average to each of their sexual encounters, compared to 18 minutes for women with a male partner - In sum, contrary to initial findings, sex for lesbian couples tends to be relatively infrequent but longer-lasting, a pattern that may be especially well-suited to fulfilling women's sexual needs - gay men are more likely to be "monogamish," or accepting of sexually open relationships. - Gay men prefer meet their needs for connection readily and routinely through stable, supportive, and affectionate relationships. However, approximately 40% of gay couples strive to maintain committed relationships while also pursuing sexual interactions with someone other than their primary partner.

Social Influences

- Sexual Fluidity Suggests That Social Factors Affect Social Expression Sexual fluidity, the idea that sexual attractions can change over time, aligns well with the possibility that aspects of sexuality are not simple by-products of biology - A much larger body of research reveals virtually no effects of having gay and lesbian parents on children's gender conformity and gender role development - idea that Social and Environmental Factors Are Secondary to Biological Causes have proven difficult to maintain - Second, although many people in sexual minorities are entirely comfortable with their sexual identity, it is reasonable to ask why anyone would consciously choose to be the target of so much ridicule, oppression, and condemnation. - Third, sexual orientation is difficult to change - Social and environmental factors are likely to play a role later in life to influence how sexual attractions and desires are expressed, pursued, and labeled.

Sexual Orientation and Intimate Relationships

- Third, we have to avoid the trap of heteronormativity, or the mistaken idea that heterosexuality, because it is common, typical, and "the norm," is also necessarily ideal, optimal, or desirable. Stigma and Prejudice - Discrimination and prejudice directed at same-sex couples can pose unique challenges. Difficulties experienced by either partner can easily become contagious within the relationship, forcing both to adapt. - same-sex couples could also disagree on how to handle their sexual identities or how "out" they are going to be - internalized homonegativity: the gay person's direction of negative social attitudes toward the self, leading to a devaluation of the self and resultant internal conflicts and self-regard - By incorporating painful experiences like this into a shared narrative about their relationship, same-sex partners emphasize their ability to cope and adapt together, thereby establishing a foundation for thriving in the future - Second, sexual minorities participate in communities that support and affirm their relationships

Origins of Sexual Orientation

- Twin studies comparing the sexual orientations of monozygotic twins and dizygotic twins consistently demonstrate a greater shared likelihood of homosexuality among the monozygotes, a finding that can only be true if genes are contributing to same-sex sexual attraction. - about one-third of all of the variability in sexual orientation is due to gene - why haven't those genes (and same-sex attraction) died out --> could be because Gay people pass their genes on through their biological offspring - Some scholars now speculate that there are genes that lead people to find men attractive, regardless of who is carrying the gene. If a man had these genes, he would probably be gay. And if a female relative of a gay man had these same genes, she would likely be straight. But now she also has a double dose of being attracted to men. --> have more children, The aunts and mothers of gay men are more fertile than those of straight men

Sexual Orientations of Women and Men

- When it comes to sexual identity and arousal, then, men closely follow the expected script: Their sexual arousal corresponds with their sexual identity. But women, particularly straight women, are aroused by images of women almost as much as they are aroused by images of men. - Sexual fluidity refers to the idea that sexual attractions can change, and that people have the capacity to grow more attracted or less attracted to men or to women, regardless of their general sexual orientation. - men are more likely to have greater variety in their sexual interactions earlier than later in life (e.g., more likely to have same-sex encounters in adolescence), before settling in to a clear and distinct gay or straight identity. Women, in comparison, become increasingly fluid in their sexual attractions as they age. - Women seem to be able to sexualize whoever they love; men tend to love the person they sexualize

Chapter 10 conflict

- Why Do Lovers Disagree? ---> conflict begins with the recognition that participants in social interactions have goals, or tasks and objectives that they want to accomplish. These goals need not be conscious; they may be specific or general, big or small, and short-term or long-term in nature. - conflict arises when one person's pursuit of his or her goals interferes with the other person's goals. - Individuals have a choice in how they respond when their goals are being thwarted. - Most people believe that clear and honest communication is a key ingredient for the success of any relationship

Consequences of Couple Conflict

- anger and poorer problem-solving skills have been shown to predict both lower levels of satisfaction and higher levels of satisfaction - Negative messages may be painful to deliver and to hear, but if they are direct, specific, and reasonable, they can be beneficial over time—in part because they convey that the partner delivering them is committed to the relationship and to making it better Predicting Relationship Outcomes - When discussing their differences of opinion, couples will thrive by communicating that the relationship is a safe, nurturing place, and by eliminating any sense that they might threaten each other or their partnership. Attachment Theory and Couple Conflict - anxiety, reflecting positive versus negative views of one's self; and avoidance, reflecting positive versus negative views of others. - Secure people, confident in the knowledge that they are worthwhile and that others are generally trustworthy and well-intentioned, are skilled problem solvers; they are not likely to be threatened much by the partner's emotions or by the idea of having to discuss problems, nor will they be a threat to the partner. - People high in attachment-related anxiety, with a negative view of themselves in relationships, are threatened by conflict because it can get in the way of the approval and support they need from a close partner. They will assume the worst about their conflicts, obsess about them, and express their feelings of anxiety and hostility because they feel threatened. - People high in attachment-related avoidance see others as unreliable, unavailable, and uncaring. Conflict threatens their need to minimize emotion and intimacy, because it implies they need something from another person. As a result, they strive to regulate their emotions by keeping the conflict and the partner at a distance; to avoid arguments, they deflect the concerns the partner might raise. When conflict cannot be avoided, they do all they can to defend themselves instead of cooperating with their partner. - attachment insecurity, and the early family relationships that give rise to it, shape the manner in which intimate partners approach, manage, and recover from conflict

equitable relationships

- assert that people are most satisfied in relationships in which there is a proportional justice, which means that each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to his or her contributions to it. - a relationship is equitable when the ratio of your outcomes to your contributions is similar to that of your partner. - over-benefited: receiving better outcomes than he or she deserves - under-benefited: receiving less than he or she deserves. The Distress of Inequality - the assertion that everybody is nervous in inequitable relationships. - partners who were over benefited were less relaxed content than were those whose outcomes were equitable, and people who were under benefitted were less happy still. - the best conclusion appears to be that both the global quality of outcomes people receive and underbenifit, when it occurs, play important roles in predicting how satisfactory and enduring a relationship will be. committed relationships - 1) committed partners expect their relationships to continue - 2) hold a long-term view, foreseeing a future that involves their partners - 3) psychologically attached to each other so that they are happier when their partners are happy too. - investment model: commitment emerges from all of the elements of social exchange that are associated with peoples CL's and CL alt. - three types of commitment: --> personal commitment: occurs when people want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their partner and the relationship is satisfying --> comstraint commitment: people feel they have to continue a relationship because it would be too costly for them to leave --> moral commitment: serives from a sense of moral obligation towards ones relationship and partner.

The Changing Rate of Divorce

- chance that a recent marriage will ultimately end in separation or divorce is around 50%. - we hold different more demanding expectations for marriage than people used to. Women entry into the workforce has made spouses report more conflict between work and family than they used to, and the more hours a women works, the lower the quality of her marriage, and increases spouses access to alternative partners. Divorce rates are higher when women are financially independent - most couples who cohabit encounter an increased risk of divorce later on. - casual cohabitation seems to lead to: (1) less respect for the institution of marriage, (2) less favorable expectations about the outcomes of marriage, and (3) increased willingness to divorce. - those who had a friend or family member who divorced were 75 percent more likely to divorce as well. - new laws have made divorce more socially acceptable and easier to obtain.

Violence in relationships

- commit violence when we behave in a manner that is intended to do physical harm to others. - 1/4 women and 1/7 men have encountered severe physical violence - couple violence typically erupts from heated conflicts that get out of hand. - intimate terrorism: one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other. When present in a relationship, it is often occurs more often than situational couple violence does. - violent resistance: a partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism gender differences - women direct just as much or even more physical violence at their partners than men do. women more likely to kick, throw something, bite scratch or punch partner, whereas men are more likely to choke, strangle, or beat up theirs. - women engage in indirect aggression like spreading rumors, but less likely to cause severe injuries. correlates of violence - most acts of violence result from impetuous, impulsive failures of self-control Eli Finkel model: --> instigating triggers: cause one or both partners to be frustrated or one edge --> impelling influences: make it more likely that the partners will experience violent impulses --> inhibiting influences: encourage the partners to refrain from acting on those impulses. - we either refrain from violence because the impelling influences stimulating us to lash out were too weak or because the inhibiting forces dissuading us from physical action were too strong. - violence is less likely in cultures that promote gender equality and are enjoying economic prosperity. - men who are intimate terrorists often witnessed violent conflict between their parents and have been sexually abused themselves, engage in more surveillance, have low self-esteem and often feel intellectually inferior. - children raised in more violent homes are more likely to be violent themselves.

social exchange

- exists when we need others and they need us in order to obtain valuable interpersonal rewards. - social exchange: process in which you give me some of what I want and I give you some of what you want, or the mutual exchange of desirable rewards. - john Thibaut and Harold Kelley

The nature of interdependency

- if you want to keep valued relationships going, its to your advantage to ensure that your partners are just as dependent on you as you are on them, and a straightforward way to do this is to provide them great outcomes that make them want to stick around. - exchange relationships: people do favors for others expecting to be repaid by receiving comparable benefits in return, don't like to be in each others debt. Typified by superficial, often brief, relatively task-oriented encounters between strangers or acquaintances. - communal relationships: feel a special concern for the others well-being , and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repayment. avoid strict cost accounting, and the'd rather not have their kindness quickly repaid, they monitor their partners needs even when they see no opportunity for personal gain. Enjoy higher quality relationships.

Breaking Up

- only divorce when CL Alt promise better outcomes - persevering indirectness: one of the two partners make repeated efforts to dissolve the relationship without ever announcing that intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the partnership. - those high in avoidance of intimacy dislike drama and are likely to employ indirect strategies that reduce the chances of an emotional confrontation with their partners. Steps to divorce - personal phase: partner grows dissatisfied, often feeling frustrated. - dyadic phase: unhappy partner reveals his or her discontent - social phase: publicize their distress, explaining their side of the story and seeking support and understanding. - grave-dressing phase: mourning decrease, partner begins to get over their loss by doing whatever cognitive work and cleansing required to put their past relationship behind them. - resurrection phase: ex-partners re-enter social life as singles - churning (break-up and reconcile) is disadvantageous as it is associated with stress and uncertainty and chronically lower satisfaction when the relationship continues. - a month into a break-up they were noticeably less in love and their courage and strength were returning. our forecast of emotional responses to breakups are often exaggerated. - people who are insecurely attachment who are anxious about abandonment are particularly likely to have trouble mentally letting go. - people with secure attachments brood less, less likely to stay angry and more likely to accept the finality of the relationships end and start healing from sadness sooner. adjustment: - people are better off when they exit a miserable marriage, however others end up defeated by their divorces suffering distress and difficulty in their lives and their relationship for years afterwards. - people have smaller social circles after divorce - women's finances usually deteriorate when they leave their marriages, while men's improves. - four types of post marital relationships: fiery foes, angry associates, cooperative colleagues and perfect pals. -children whose parents divorce exhibit lower levels of well-being both as adolescents and as young adults. Experience more depression nd anxiety, behavior is more problematic, adult relationships are more fragile, and more likely to get divorced. - same traits that make their parent's poor partners perhaps may be passed to children. - parental loss view: children are presumed to benefit from having two parents who are devoted to their acre and children who lose a parent are likely to be less well off. - parental stress model: the quality, not the quantity of the parenting a child receives is key and any stressors that distract or debilitates one's parents can have detrimental effects. Outcome depends on how well the custodial parent adjusts.

Exchange and communal relationships

- people provide benefits because --> they have previously received benefits from that person --> they expect 'repayment' a later date - communal relationships --> partners have concerns for the other's welfare --> benefits are given when the other needs it to show concern --> benefits given without expecting any return - don't want an efficient relationship, but want a relationship based on helping each other and want to be appreciated for responding for other peoples needs, not necessarily paid as it cheapens the good deed. - ex. ride to airport for communal vs exchange relationships - exchange: they will take you to the airport next time when you need it - communal: just do it because they just need it, without needing something in return The communal/ exchange study - Male PS were induced to help an attractive woman - IV1: Desire for exchange or communal relationship with her (she is married/busy vs single/available) - IV2: she does or does not provide a benefit in return - DV: liking for the woman (video) - communal: you would prefer she doesn't pay you back as it cheapens it as it makes it seem she doesn't want to get to know you.

Rewards and costs as time goes by

- relationship turbulence: we should expect a period of adjustments and turmoil as new partners become accustomed to their increasing interdependence. More uncertain, the more turbulent. - what distinguishes those that are happy? --> spouses who stay together tend to be low in neuroticism and high in self-esteem, and they start their marriage happier together than most others. they discuss touchy issues with affection and humor and encounter less hardships. --> keep their expectations in check so that their CL's don't get too high --> through (a) lack of effort, because (b) interdependency is a magnifying glass, and through (c) access to weaponry, (d) unwelcome surprises, and (e) unrealistic expectations people usually encounter unanticipated costs even in good relationships

The Curious Case of Divorce Among Lesbians

- relationships with fewer institutional supports—whether legal, social, or religious—are more vulnerable to dissolution. - One plausible explanation is that marriage and other forms of legally recognized partnerships hold greater appeal to lesbians than they do to gay men—perhaps for the very reason that women are more likely to be drawn to opportunities for sustained emotional closeness, whereas men might seek to balance feelings of closeness with personal space and independence. - Thus the reason married lesbian couples are especially likely to divorce may have more to do with who enters these relationships than who exits them, revealing more about differences in how men and women approach relationships than about anything unique to gay and lesbian partnerships.

Power and interdependence

- social power is the ability to influence or change the thoughts, feelings or behavior of others to suit our purpose and to resist their influence on us. - from an Interdependence theory perspective, power is based on the control of valuable resources. If I control access to something you want, you'll probably ve motivated to comply so I'll let you get it. 1. the person who has power, does not have to possess the desired resources 2. one derives power from controlling a resource only if the people want it, and the greater their need the greater one's power. - the principle of lesser interest holds that in any relationship, the person who has less interest in continuing and marinating the relationship has more power. 3. The availability of alternative sources of desired resources - fate control: one can control a partner's outcomes no matter what the partner does (refusing to have sex with the partner) - behavior control: by changing one's behavior, one encourages a partner to later his to her actions in a desirable direction (backrub if partner cleans the garage) Types of resources - Reward and coercive (punishment) power, refer to a person's ability to bestow various rewards and punishments on someone else. - legitimate power: exists when our partner belives that we have a reasonable right to tell them what to do - referent power: resources are respect and/or love and gets people to do what we want because they identify with you, feeling attracted and wanting to remain close - expert power: resources is expertise. and exists when our partner recognizes our superior knowledge and experience and is influenced by us because we know more than they do. - informational power: when we have specific pieces of information that influence our partner's behavior. The process of power - power feels good, and powerful people are used to getting what they want, so they experience a lot of positive moods and feelings of well-being. Conversation - men interrupted their female partners more often than their female partners interrupted them. Powerful people use larger interpersonal distance, display more intense facial expressions and assume postures that are less symmetrical and that take up more space. powerful people recognize emotion in others' voices and facial expressions less accurately than those with lower power. - committed couples often use their influence to benefit their partners and to enhance rather than undermine their mutual contentment.

which of the following is an advantage of asexual reproduction

- there is no need to exert energy to find a sexual partner - you can pass on 100% of your genes - you can generate more offspring than in sexual reproduction

sexual desire

- what happened sexual desires/libidos are mismatched in a relationship - this is a common most couples experience situation where one persons sexual needs do not align with their partners needs (muise) --> how can we better understand this mismatch? dr. Emily nagoski has a few ideas - is sex drive even the right term? --> Dr, Emily Nagoski says no because 'you're not going to die if you don't have sex' - proposes the theory of spontaneous desire versus responsive desire- both are normal and healthy - why does it matter? - this theory matters because scientists previously believed spontaneous desire was the 'normal' way we experience sexual arousal, which hurts people-especially 'frigid' women --> this idea may cause people to seek traetment for a normal degree of sexual desire because they feel broken since they don't want to bang 24/7 - spontaneous desire --> readiness to engage in sex in any content, without needing much stimulation - mental first, then physical --> baby its 0 to 60 in 3.5' - responsive desire --> Nagoski says most people (especially women) experience responsive desire rather than spontaneous desire --> the amount of stimuli needed to excite someone will vary- physical first, then mental - dual model system of sexuality - two co-existing disparate systems: inhibition (breaks: what is turning us off in the environment) and excitement (acceleration) that impact the way we navigate sexual intimacy (Janssen and Bancroft , 2006) --> breaks item: unless things are just right, it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused --> accelerator items: I get very turned on when someone wants me sexually - what happens when there is a disconnect between physical response and experience of desire/ pleasure - this is common- its called arousal non concordance --> our genitals may engorge or feel wet, but we don't feel 'turned on' or we feel 'turned on' but there's no physical response - Nagoski finds 10 percent overlap for women between genital's response and subjective sexual arousal while for men, there is a 50 percent overlap - important: reinforces that our genital's cannot give us consent, only we can

Which of the following events help people recover from a break-up more quickly?

A and C - forming a new relationship - coming up with a coherent explanation of why the relationship ended

Clinical research has demonstrated that, when it comes to marital conflict:

happy couples tend to acknowledge each others progress on issues

in which of the following organisms is altruisms likely to emerge?

A and C - bees who share genes with one another - monkeys who can remember each other and will interact with each other in the future

Relationships and Sex - why do we have sex?

A. Attachment theory - Attachment avoidance predicts: --> Having sex to impress ones peers/ to brag --> reduced interest in the intimacy aspects of sex --> elevated rates of casual sex --> diminished positive relational effects of having sex --> diminished negative relational effects of negative sexual experiences - Attachment anxiety predicts: --> having sex to increase the partners love, to achieve closeness or to avoid losing a partner --> being fearful that ones partner will be poached --> amplified effects of positive or negative sexual experiences on relational interactions * If the sex is good, avoidant folks don't get as much positivity out of it. But if the sex is bad, avoidant folks aren't harmed as much by it. B. Is Sex Good For You - the frequency and the quality of sex predict psychological and physical well being --> sex is our most pleasurable daily exercise, by a lot (eg, reports of daily experiences)

Sexual attitudes and behaviors

A. Changes in sexuality over time - a meta-analysis of 530 samples and including around 27,000 Ps in the USA 1960's to 80's --> Age 12-27, mean= 17 years old --> mean age of first intercourse is dropping --> mean age of premarital sex is decreasing as people are having earlier intercourse and having more permissive attitudes toward premarital sex. - men are having slightly earlier intercourse than women - oral sex also increased over time, so they are having it earlier - additional findings --> oral sex increased over time (for both M and W) --> number of sex partners hasn't changed over time --> guilt about sex has declined, especially among W - support for interracial marriage --> in 1958, very few people approved, and significantly people disapproved, but with the civil rights movement and changing attitudes, the opinion changed, with more approval across time. --> in 1967, the Loving vs Virginia case, where interracial marriage was legalized - support for same-sex marriage over time --> overall a general increase from 17% to 60% from the 90's to 2000s. Now 30% are against it, with 60% are in support of it.

Outcomes, CL, and CLalt

A. Definitions - interdependence: the strength and quality of the effects interacting individuals exert on one another - outcomes: rewards (good things) minus costs (bad things) experienced in a given relationship - comparison level: the outcome one expects to receive in a given relationship --> The Charlies Angels study --> exposure to attractive women --> lower attractiveness of 'average' female (blind date for someone else). --> men say women are lower in attractiveness after watching the beautiful images - exposure to faces shifts our perceptual CL --> if they show more attractive images of people perceptual and expectations of what the people look like shift into what we have been exposed to over and over again - suggestion: even if we know images are curated, it is hard to assimilate and finding what we expect - Comparison level for alternatives: the outcome one could receive in an alternative relationship (or one's own) --> puts a lower limit on how bad one outcomes .. . B. Satisfaction and dependence- they're not the same thing - satisfaction= outcomes -CL --> the degree to which the person is happy with the relationship - dependence= outcomes - CL alt --> the degree to which the person needs the relationship to achieve good outcomes - if outcomes are worse elsewhere, you still need the relationship even if unhappy C. Four types of Relationships - outcomes higher than Cl and higher than CL alt- happy and stable - CL- outcomes- cl alt --> outcome are lower than CL but Cl alt even lower- unhappy and stable - Cl-alt - outcomes- cl --> happy and unstable - the could do better elsewhere - cl- cl alt- outcomes --> unhappy and unable D. A's dependence, B's power - B's power = the range of outcomes B can provide A before A leaves the relationship (A's Cl alt) - A's power is the inverse - Principle of lesser interest: that partner who has less interest in continuing the relationship has greater power. --> the person less willing to continue the relationship will have more power as they may have better offers elsewhere, so their CL alt is higher. - video (making your partner think your outcomes are below your CLalt)

Relationship Disillusion

A. Divorce rates - you often hear 50% - US is close 45% --> first marriage eventually ending - many other countries are lower --> new Zealand, Australia, Canada, UK (35%) - why is the US so high? The marriage-go-round - Americans have two cultural values that are in competition: --> marriage: as do Italians, Spaniards, Americans greatly value marriage --> individualism: as do swedes and the Dutch, Americans greatly value personal growth and self-expression. - America is the only country that greatly values both --> consequently, we are conflicted about lifelong marriage --> we marry, divorce, and remarry at especially high rates (the marriage-go-round) B. Is divorce new? - earliest known study of divorce --> 500 women in 15th century Egypt: 30% hunter gatherers --> kung! san in southern Africa: 39% - culture can end divorce rates --> legal sanctions --> moral norms --> power granted to women - implication --> one reason for high divorce rates is that people aren't forced to stay in relationships that make them unhappy C. What matters? - is it possible to predict who will get divorced 1. characteristics of the person/context --> things you know without knowing anything about someone's relationship - sociodemographic variables (biggest) --> stressful circumstances (low income, education level, unemployment) --> younger age - relationship history --> parents divorce --> prior marriage - individual differences /personality --> attachment anxiety/avoidane --> accepting attitudes toward divorce --> neuroticism 2. characteristics of the relationship --> things you can only assess about two people --> these effects tend to be bigger - predicting non-marital break-up - meta-aanalysis of 137 longitudinal studies, N= 38,000 - baseline assessment; subsequent breakup assessment --> satisfaction, investment, alternatives (whether there are other appealing people), and the biggest factor commitment. Having these qualities means you are less likely to break-up D. commitment and the investment model - commitment: the intention to continue the relationship --> intent to persist: 'i want to maintain our relationship' --> psychological attachment: ' it pains me to see my partner suffer' --> long-term orientation: 'my partner and I joke about what things will be like when we are old' - why does commitment predict relationship stability? --> commitment (intention to remain psychological attachment, orientated to the future), behavioral maintenance (accommodation, the forgiveness of betrayal, willingness to sacrifice), relationship well-being (satisfaction, trust, persistence), and cognitive maintenance(positive illusions, perceived superiority, derogating/ignoring attractive alternatives).

Who has it

A. Reported Number of sex partners - lifetime reports: 6 for men, 2 for women - typical parental-investment sex difference, right? - not really- shouldn't a new sex partner for a man equal a new sex partners for a woman? - possible explanations --> gay men vs lesbian women? - gay men have more partners than lesbians, but still a small effect overall -- men are having sex with prostitutes --> again, not a very big effect - defining sex --> sexes agree on that vaginal sex 'counts', but men are more likely to count oral sex partners - biggest source: - men: come up with a rough estimate, then round up to a whole number (say '30', not 27) - women: count accurately, then subtract one or two that don't really count B. Advantages of asexual reproduction - pass on all of your genes (rather than half) - a larger population - it takes enormous efforts to find a mate - sex is risky, especially for males when there is sexual dimorphism (handicaps) - make peacocks vulnerable as prey C. The 'Red Queen' Hypothesis - adapt and evolve to create new offspring while being pitted along with other evolving species. - the idea that's species need to adapt and evolve quickly, for reproductive advantage but also for survival because everyone/ competing species is evolving too. - red queen hypothesis: its like running in place - this is a metaphor for sexual reproduction --> parasites and pathogens: are always evolving new ways to extract resources from their hosts --> you might be reproductively successful, but if your offspring are identical to you, parasites will catch up in a few generations --> sex 'shuffles the deck' and keeps organisms one step ahead of parasites - may allow them to be vulnerable to exploitation as we are not evolving, running in place. - at the species level, sex provides the raw material for natural selection (variability) --> shuffling the deck creates novel combinations and allows for beneficial mutations to spread more quickly - for sexually reproducing species there is a genetic advantage because we are able to make beneficial mutations that can spread a lot more quickly. - for asexual they have to evolve on their own - asexual means greater likelihood of being susceptible to pathogens/parasites because you're not maintaining enough genetic diversity/mixing

V. Tit for Tat

A. The PD competition - Game theorists submitted their entries to a 200 round prisoners dilemma faceoff (1980) - some were very complex --> using mathematical modeling to predict the opponent - some were very simple --> always defect --> random the most points across games was tit-for-tat --> cooperate on the first move --> do what your opponent did on the last move Why was tit-for-tat so effective - (1) nice: never cheats first - (2) retaliatory: sees cheating and cheats too- you can't infinitely cheat on it - (2) forgiving: forgives earlier cheating B. tit-for-tat spreads - if tit-for-tat were an organism, it would displace 'nastier' strategies in later generations - becomes an evolutionary stable strategy --> it will resists 'invasion' by another strategy as long as the organisms have a chance of meeting again - in an environment where everyone defects . . --> first, you get cooperation based on kinship --> then this ability is generalized to others - mathematically more advantageous to be able to cooperate in this way so you start with nice assumptions and forgive people when they wrong you, but retaliate when thy do something bad to you. - suggests that we may see this cooperation in the animals kingdom is because it is effective C. Caveat: Noise - if two tit-for-tats play each other, everyone should cooperate - but what if someone slips? --> Able archer 83: Soviets thought we had launched an attack - if there is noise, be a little nicer than tit-for-tat --> otherwise, two tit-for-tats can become engaged in a 'death spiral' - retaliation was due to noise, and we repeatedly retaliate as a result.

II. The disillusion experience

A. distress and dysregulation - Attachment theory: we turn to romantic partners for support in times of need - typically, relationship partners coregulate each others physiological states --> induce pleasure/ reward --> alleviate distress - when a relationship is disrupted, we need support --> and our typical support system is gone 1. temporary separation - emotional distress, sleeping difficulties, spikes in the stress hormone cortisol (disorganized) - only long phone conversations could alleviate the distress - reunion restores couples well-being fairly rapidly 2. permanent separations (break-up and loss) --> people lose felt security and subsequently lose their ability to downregulate harmful physiological arousal - the stress response --> fight or flight- works as a short-lived search and recovery system (protest) - immune system suppression - negative health consequences 3. recovery - how do people regain felt security and downregulate the stress response --> support from others (need to belong) --> establishing a new relationship --> use narratives to integrate thoughts and feelings and find meaning

Evolution of cooperation

A. the selfish gene - a gene's only goal is to replicate --> allow to propagate and protect the gene so it can continue to future generations - organisms are survival machines for genes --> genes build the machine to reproduce themselves - many acts that appear altruistic are selfish from the perspective of the gene --> kin selection in bees' female workers related 0.75 not (0.5) to each other - they are very closely related to their siblings because of the miosis process - more advantageous for the gene if you die for your sister than reproduce yourself --> sister is 75 related to you while kin is 0.5 so these acts of self-sacrifice make sense as gene will be passed down B. altruism without shared genes - so why would any organism do anything that was altuiristic? - cooperative breeding (some birds, meerkats) - cooperation among primates (video) - never cooperate in an anonymous world --> don't know one another or don't have the ability to recognize an organism you met many times you should see genes operating in the selfish gene way so it can help itself, dramatic acts of altruism toward kin and no altruism for genetically different organisms. --> genes and kin selection rule - But in cases where 1. organisms have memories 2. organisms can distinguish specific others 3. there is some probability that we will meet again . . . there are advantages to altruism - by behaving altruistically, you might receive help in the future when you need it C. Self regulation - self-control is one of humans' most important adapatatuibs --> probably did not emerge until fairly recently in the hominid lineage (once we could plan for the future) --> self-control is used in the service of many future goals 1. Delay of Gratification - research paradigms --> four-year-old child sits at a table with a marshmallow on it (or cookie, pretzel, etc.) --> child can ring a bell and eat the marshmallow now - or wait until the experimenter returns with 2 marshmallows - Results: children who delayed longer grep up to cope better with stress, have better social relationships and have much better SAT scores 2. strength model of self-control (fatigue) - self-control functions like a muscle --> exerting self-control requires effort --> self-control is a limited and depletable resource --> performing consecutive tasks requiring self-control will impair performance on the second task - when people are depleted (eg. during finals) they are more likely to eat unhealthy foods, smoke, become aggressive, etc.

Which of the following is the best example of partner control (for me)?

A. when my partner gives me a valentine day gift, I feel good, and when he/she doesn't, I feel bad.

I. Relationship Trajectories

How does the typical relationship progress --> relationship formation is a gradual process, and the LT and Short Term distinction breaks down - in typical Long term relationship, people generally start with middling feelings and there is a gradual rise in liking them. - In short term they start at the same place, but they never get a peak like a Long Term relationship, they don't have enough to get you exceptionally positively about them. - LT and ST relationships have similar trajectories, we meet them the same way, on average the differentiation begins when people start to get physical. People gradually test the water, it is uncommon to say they will start with LT relationship and go find the person, most people in the beginning will say they don't know how they feel about the person. The first romantic moment is what makes the person re-evaluate their opinions. - satisfaction in marriage tends to decline over time --> some of it is an age effect: as peoples enter middle age, life gets harder. --> but there's substantial variation around the average trajectory - 80 percent of population stay at a stable level of marital satisfaction

The outcome Matric

Definition: a representation of the outcomes avaliable to each partner form various combinations of behaviors - getting along with someone is easy when outcomes correspond. But often they don't . . - An illustration: --> Assume that you're living with your partner - assume that cleaning the apartment is unpleasant, but that it has reached the point that something must be done --> one a 21 point scale rate how satisfied you would be with each of the following behavioral combinations A. Given vs Effective Matrix --> given matric: depicts preferences based on immediate, 'gut-level' self interest - effective matrix: depicts preferences shaped by broader considerations and values --> 'transformed' preferences - transformation of motivation: the process by which one changes from given to effective matrix preferences - Examples of transformation: - MaxJoint: A shift from striving to maximize personal outcomes to striving to maximize relationship outcomes --> own outcomes pls (+) partner outcomes --> video - pulls people do things that are better for the relationship - MaxRel: a shift striving to maximize personal outcomes to striving to get outcomes that are superior to the partners --> what matters is whether you are doing better than your partner, if a sibling hates the restaurant so much you will gladly go to pull one over your sibling - Own outcomes minus the partner's outcomes - even more pull to do the nasty thing, makes sense if sporting events, want to get more points, and would do a nasty thing to avoid giving your partner some benefits

Which of the following illustrates Patriarchal (intimate) terrorism?

Randy and Amanda have lived together for 6 months. In the beginning, Randy was just a little jealous, but now, he threatens Amanda that he will hurt her if she leaves the house without him. She is afraid for her safety.

Beavis and butthead are watching an episode of celebrity jeopardy and Beavis yells out the wrong answer to one of the prompts. Butthead calls Beavis an 'idiot' and Beavis' initial reaction is to retaliate by calling Butthead a 'nerf herder'. However, he decides to bite his tongue in the interest of his friendship and instead says nothing. Within the transformation motivation cycle, Beavis' decision to say nothing is an example of:

B. the effective matrix

imagine your partner engages in a behavior that is destructive to your relationship. According to the theory of transformation of motivation, which of the following scenarios is LEAST likely to elicit a negative response from you?

B. your motivation is MaxJoint: you wait 10 minutes before responding to partners behavior

II. Relationship Bias

Evolutionary rationale - why be biased? --> maintain the pair bond in the face of difficulties - why be accurate? --> understand and predict people - is an accurate perception of the partner crucial for relationship success? Or is it better to view our partner positively? - enhancement= positive bias = support positive beliefs - verification= accuracy = predict and understand --> see the world in a true way that would lead people to be accurate and predict how partner will behave A. Enhancement (positive illusion) - what would count as a 'positive illusion' about a partner --> the partners won self-report is a strong test - in fact, on average, we view our partners more positively than they view themselves - the strength of these 'positive illusions' predicts: --> dating and marital satisfaction --> dating stability (break up) --> declines in conflict and ambivalence over time --> buffers against doubt and uncertainty - how can this be? -individuals do recognize their partner's faults, they just downplay their importance ('yes, but . . ) --> his jealousy = how important my presence is in his life --> strengths unique, weaknesses common - these illusions can function as a self-fulfilling prophecy, bringing out the best in the partner --> love is prescient, not blind (pygmalion) - peoples ideals change over time to be more in line with their current partner's characteristics B. Verification - but is enhancement the entire story? --> don't we want to understand our partners and be understood? - accuracy should increase feelings of prediction and control - accuracy should increase intimacy (understanding) --> people with differing levels of self-esteem, people with high self-esteem feel their partner regards them highly and they feel close to them. If I have low self-esteem, they feel more intimacy when they feel their partner doesn't care for them. Feel closer to their partner if their partner shares their dim view of them, verification motive being important. C. Which Motive Wins? - Global vs specific - global: I love my partner, then describe as wonderful, greatest --> supportive --> good listener --> listens to me complain about work (specific) --> easy to think a partner is talented compared to an excellent cook because the former can be utilized in a high range of ways. - the degree of bias and accuracy varies at different levels of the heriachy. --> it feels better and it is easier to maintain positive) levels of the hierarchy views at the higher (global) than the lower (specific) - there are so many ways to define talent compared to describing what entails good cook. Two findings: --> people enhance more at the global than the specific level --> global enhancement plus specific accuracy --> less breakup - attending to the heriacy= is important because we expect to see more biases in the top half contributes to lower levels of breaking up and being more accurate with specific traits makes people break up less. - choices provide diagnostic information --> I don't know how you really feel until you have to make a sacrifice --> good communication is essential to managing these situations - watching you pick the nice choice, makes me know you better and so some situations are diagnostic, so misaligned interests are important fr these diagnostic reasons and if people are going to be successful at managing this situation, communication is key.

which of the following is the best example of pure actor control (for me)?

C. when I give my partner and I give each other Valentines Day gifts, I feel good, and when I don't I feel bad

Which of the following is true of common (situational) couple violence?

D) all of the above - conflict can sometimes produce violent impulses - people usually attempt to restrain their violent impulses - a 'perfect storm' occurs when there are instigating trigger, impelling forces and a lack of inhibitory forces.

Rachel and ross are dating, but one day Ross cheats on Rachel. She expected sexual fidelity and is now very upset. She also believed that remaining with Ross would be worse than being alone. According to interdependence theory, which of the following best represents Rachels relationship with Ross

D. Cl > Cl alt > OUT

Central elements of social exchange

Rewards and costs --> the rewards of interactions are the gratifying and commodities we obtain through our contact with others. Rewards are anything within an interaction that is desirable and welcome and that brings enjoyment or fulfillment to the recipient. - costs are punishing undesirable experiences. They can involve financial expenditures, or psychological burdens - outcome are the rewards and costs associated with a particular interaction. - more rewarding than punishing = a positive outcome - one major insight into the theory is the suggestion that whether your outcomes are positive or negative isn't as important as how they compare to two criteria with which we evaluate the outcomes we receive. The first criteria involves our expectations, and the second involves our perceptions of how well we could manage without our current partner. What do we expect from our relationship? - theory assumes that each of us has an idiosyncratic comparison level (CL) that describes the value of the outcomes that we've come to expect and believe that we deserve. - if the outcome you receive exceeds your CL, you're happy, you're getting more than the minimum payoff you expect. - even if you are making a profit with your dealings, you may not be happy if the profit isn't big enough to meet your expectations. How well could we do elsewhere - comparison level for alternatives: the outcomes you'd receive by leaving your current relationship and moving to the best alterative partnership or situation you have available. - our contentment with a relationship is not the major determinant of whether we stay in a relationship or go, as our CL alternative determines our dependence on our relationship. - investment: the thing one would lose if the relationship were to end - variety of factors can influence peoples perception of their alternatives

The Landscape of Couple Conflict

Social Learning Theory and the Costs of Coercion - intimate partners can unknowingly teach each other how to communicate poorly - a key assumption of social learning theory is that relationships grow less fulfilling because couples fail to learn the necessary skills for managing their relationship in general and resolving their disagreements in particular Behavioral Building Blocks of Conflict - unconditional probabilities: reflect how often a coded behavior would occur, disregarding any other behaviors. - Conditional probabilities: represent the relationship between partners' unconditional probabilities: the likelihood, for example, that the wife's problem descriptions are followed by the husband's disagreements. Disagreements in Happy and Unhappy Couples - structural model of marital interaction: The idea that three areas of behavior distinguish happy and unhappy couples when they are trying to resolve a relationship problem: the positivity and negativity of their behavior, the amount of predictability of behaviors between them, and their ability to exit cycles of reciprocal negative behavior 1. Less positive behavior and more negative behavior 2. Greater predictability of behaviors between partners. 3. Longer cycles of reciprocal negative behavior. Partner Perceptions of Behaviors During Arguments - happy couples were engaging in cognitive editing—hearing something negative but responding back in a neutral or even a positive way. - the reactivity hypothesis, suggests that unhappy partners are more sensitive to the tone of immediate events; one person might be "on guard" and ready to find meaning in the things the other person said and did, good and bad, as a way of gauging how the relationship was going - when comparisons were made between partners' reports of daily events, the level of agreement between them was quite low; about half the time or less, couples did not agree on specific events that one partner said had occurred, more pronounced in unhappy couples. Broad Behavioral Patterns in Disagreements - s polarized, in the sense that they have adopted different viewpoints, or opposing poles or positions, in their argument. - There are no differences in demand/withdraw behavior between partners in the three types of couples, indicating that women tend to be more engaging (demanding) and men are more prone to withdraw, regardless of the sex composition of the couple

tulip scores highly on the attachment-avoidance subscale. Which of the following statements best describes how she likely views sex?

Tulip has sex in order to impress her friend grOup

Trent and Monique, both musicians, live together. They are trying to decide whose band gets to use the garage to practice that day. At first, Trent thinks he'd much rather take a 4-hour nap than practice with his mates. But the thought that Monique will get extra playing time with her band motivates him to try to take the garage before Monique does. Which of the following is most likely to be true?

c. Trent engaged in a maxrel transformation of motivation

summer and autumn are housemates that despise yardwork. However, if summer does the weeding in the garden, Autumn can rake the leaves, and the yardwork will be quick and painless. According to the structure of interdependence, this situation exhibits

joint control

positive illusions in relationships have been associated with a greater likelihood of experiencing?

relationship satisfaction

What has research shown on asexuality as a sexual identity in humans?

research has shown asexual folks are more likely to identify as genderqueer/non-binary

Anjelica is dissatisfied with her relationship, and he has appealing potential alternative partner. But she isn't thinking of ending her relationship. According to the investment model, what additional factor is likely affecting her commitment?

she shares a house with her partner