The Lightning Thief: Percy Lines
Chiron: Kronos' most powerful sons. Zeus, Hades...
...and Poseidon.
Sally: About the field trip.
Are you mad?
Gabe: Lucky for him. Bean. Dip.
Aw man, has that guy ever heard of showers? Mom... you don't have to put up with him like that.
Luke: Tough first day?
Before this morning, I didn't believe in any of this.
Mr. D: you're right, you can't fake being that stupid, unless you're a brilliant actor and I'm also the god of drama. So I can tell you, he's not. But as long as Zeus thinks he stole it, we're all gonna suffer. So: we're all agreed. One dolphin coming right up-
Braccas meas vescimini! ...Did I just speak Latin?
Chiron: Do you think the Greek gods stopped existing just because people stopped believing in them? They're all around us. And so are their children.
But I'm not... I mean, this has to be a mistake. Let me talk to my mom, she'll clear this up. Where's my mom?
Mr. Brunner: I tried Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision. You were supposed to stay with the group. And this was your final warning.
But this wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me... you saw it!
Mr. D: Half-god, half mortal. Does no one ever watch the orientation film?
Did you say half God?
(Grover bleats)
Dude what was that?
Grover: No, she threw a peanut butter sandwich at YOU. I stopped it. With my head.
Grover, you're a good friend.
Grover: I'm sorry. Saytrs are supposed to be protectors. I'm the worst Saytr in the world.
Grover. I'm glad you're here.
Mr. D: Technically I am cursed, one romp in the woods with Zeus' favorite wood nymph and you're stuck running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods.
Half-blood?
Luke: Hes a dead beat god. I get how you feel. I was your age when I found out my dad was hermes, the messenger god.you know, Old-Wings-On-His-Shoes?
Have you ever met him?
(End of Day I Got Expelled)
Hey Mom. How was your day? Mine was okay. We went on this field trip, I got expelled, I saw some super X-rated art, museums are crazy -
Mrs. Dodds: kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage.
Hey, don't talk about my mom-
Chiron: His lightning
His lightning. Sorry. His lightning?
Mrs. Dodds: and your father? That's right... you don't know who he is.
How do you even know that? Uh... Mrs. Dodds? You have something growing on your.... AHHH!!!!
Mr. D: And not some crummy tin-foil zag from a Broadway musical. We're talking two feet of celestial bronze, capped with god-level explosives. Another god can't touch it. A mortal would be incinerated. Gee, I wonder who that leaves? A half-blood!
I didn't take anything!
Luke: This is Annabeth. Our cabins are on the same team. See, cabins are grouped by parent. And each cabin has certain... gifts. I figure, if we find what you're good at, maybe that'll give us a clue about your dad.
I don't have any gifts
Annabeth: The biggest honor a half-blood can get. But it doesn't matter. No one will be talking about my victory tonight. They'll be too busy talking about yours. How'd you drench Clarisse the Beast anyway?
I don't know, it was like the water in the toilet just responded to me.... what?
Mr. Brunner: Perhaps it's for the best. This wasn't the place for you. It was only a matter of time before -
I got kicked out?
Annabeth: The plan would've worked either way.
I thought Athena was all about books! And reading!
Mr. Brunner: you'll get used to Mr. D. He can be a bit... well. He hates children.
I thought you were a Latin teacher.
Sally: You know what, it doesn't matter. We'll find another school. Again.
I'm not a bad kid on purpose.
Grover: You heard your mom!
I'm not leaving her! If Mrs. Dodds is really a monster, I hope you're really a sword... awesome!!!
Grover: Woah, what happened here?
I....had... an... accident?
Luke: I told you. Sometimes the gods send a sign.
Is that a... fork?
Sally: oh baby, I know. How would you like to take a trip? Just the two of us.
Is that okay with "Smelly Gabe"?
Chiron: Grover said she fought bravely, but a mortal woman against a Minotaur...
It wasn't a dream. She's really gone.
Mr. D: Someone find Professor hay-for-breath and tell him that peter Johnston is awake! So he better clip clop on over here!
It's Percy Jackson
Luke: (hands Percy a sword) you're going to need this.
It's a sword.
Chiron: I'm so sorry Percy.
It's my fault. She was trying to protect me.
Clarisse: What's that noise?
It's not me. It's- the TOILET!!!
Grover: Half-bull
Like you?
Sally: 🎵ITS TIME YOU FOUND OUT MORE ABOUT HIM🎵
Look at the size of those waves!
Mrs. Dodds: MR. JACKSON! Please see me by the Sphinx.
Look... if this is about Nancy Bobofit, she only hates me because I stopped her from setting fire to those first graders-
Percy: 🎵THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED🎵
Maybe you don't know what a half-blood is, because, your life is normal and happy and not constantly in danger. But my life...? Let me set the scene.
Sally: Over here! You want my son, you have to answer to me.
Mom no! ...mom?
Mr. Brunner: Percy!
Mr. Brunner? What are you doing here? This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and... what is going ON?
Mr. Brunner: What ho, Percy!
Mr: Brunner? What am I supposed to do with a pen- sword! Woah! ....Mr. Brunner? ....Mrs. Dodds? Um....
Chiron: it's a trident. It seems your godly parent has claimed you after all. All hail Perseus Jackson, son of the sea god, Poseidon.
My dads Poseidon?! Oh sweet! ....what? ....Luke what's going on?
Gabe: Who's gonna cook for me? Who's gonna clean?
My moms not your servant.
Annabeth: my mom is Athena. Goddess of wisdom. Sexist much?
No! I mean, I love girls! I mean... I think they're... really nice!
Sally: Go
Nooo!!! I got him! ...woaaaaah
Grover: Maybe hes right. You never fit in at this school anyway. You're not exactly...
Normal?
Luke: Haven't you played capture the flag before?
Not with swords!
Grover: BAAAAAH
Oh look, a goat, hey little guy-
Mrs. Dodds: I have heard much about you... Percy Jackson.
Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute...
Luke: Go on, make your offering.
To my dad. Whoever he is!
Mr. D: I don't know! He'd be a lot safer as a dolphin. We all would! Hear that thunder? Zeus knows we've got him, and he ain't happy!
Wait ZEUS? Like. The King of the Gods? I don't understand, why is he mad at me?
Mr. D: 🎵IM THE GOD OF WINE AND IM DYING OF THIRST🎵
Wait, did you say you're a god?
Annabeth: you drool when you sleep
Wait, what? Where am I?
Mr. D: You told me to eat my pants. He's got more fire than I thought.
Wait. What does Zeus think I stole?
Sally: Fires going. Someone needs a marshmallow. They're blue. Don't tell me you're too old for blue food.
You met dad on this beach?
Sally: What happened on the field trip?
You said it didn't matter!
Chiron: you mustn't blame yourself.
You say the gods are real. So how could they let that happen?
Annabeth: Not bad for your first day
You set me up.
Mr. Brunner: That's not what I....
You think I'm trouble. Just like everyone else.
Annabeth: I don't know what you're talking about.
You told me to hide in the bathroom. You knew clarisse would go after me. I was part of your plan!
Sally: More like summer camp. It's just over that hill, past that pine tree. I thought I'd be enough to protect you. But you deserve the truth.
You're acting like I'm never going to see you again. If it's just a summer camp...
Annabeth: it's not a lightsaber
You're my dream girl! I mean.... the girl I saw.... when I was dreaming....
Mr. D: No, he needs to know. Haven't you noticed that there aren't any other little sea godlings running around? No sons of Hades or Daughters of Zeus'? The big three aren't supposed to have kids!
The big three?
Sally: You'll see, you're destined for great things
The only thing I seem destined for is detention.
Grover: I'm a Satyr! I'm half-goat?
And you couldn't have mentioned that sooner???
Annabeth: I have a special job for you. Go to the boys bathroom.
And?
Luke: Once.
And?
Sally: It's complicated. Percy.
You always say that. Why?
Mr. Brunner: did I?
You gave me that pen! Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword, and... what?
Annabeth: She is. Also battle strategy. Look, I needed that win. I need to prove to my mom I'm a champion, so I can get a quest.
A quest?
Clarisse: I am
AHH!
Grover: Paaaa-ercy!
AHHH!! Grover? What are you doing here? ...and what happened to your legs?
Sally: The headmaster called me.
About the art?
Luke: Believing doesn't make it easier. Trust me.
All this time I thought my dad was some dead beat. Turns out...
Annabeth: You mean distracting Ares' best warrior so I could capture the flag? Smart plan.
She could have killed me!
Grover: Ask Nancy Bobobit. She's a monster! Not literally... I don't think.
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?
Annabeth: Capture the flag isn't about being nice. It's about proving to the gods we're tough, powerful and victorious in battle!
She's kind of intense.
Mr.Brunner/Chiron: More like Ancient Greek. My true name is Chiron. And my real job is training demi-gods. Half-bloods... like you.
So everything that crazy guy said is true.
Sally: Well I'm not happy. What happened, Percy?
So first the math teacher turned into a demon, and then I had this sword-
Chiron: We know that. Zeus is the "guilty until proven innocent" type of god, and you're existence alone is suspicious.
So what happens to me now?
(End of Strong)
So what is this place? Are you sending me to summer school?
Annabeth: Letters float off the page when you read them because your mind is hardwired for Ancient Greek. And the ADHD- You're impulsive, you can't sit still in class. Those are your battlefield instincts.
So who's your dad?
Mr. D: And you know why? Because they're always trouble! So, where'd you stash it? Better fess up now, or I'll get the Hekatonkheires to pat you down. He's called the Hundred-Handed-One so, ya'know THAT won't be fun.
Stash what?
Luke: I'm Luke, I'm gonna be your councillor. The Hermes cabin takes anyone who hasn't been claimed. You know what that means? We're literally the reject cabin. Welcome to the dysfunctional family.
Thanks Luke.
Sally: he didn't have a choice. He wanted to meet you. And he warned me things might be hard if you were...like him.
Was he a screwup too? I'm sorry, Mom, if I was only normal-
Grover: I'm half goat!
Well, I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in right now!
Grover: Yup! Hide in a tree!
What about me? I don't know my talent yet.
Sally: Boys! Grover, you need to get Percy to the border.
What about you?
Sally: Oh no
What's a Minotaur???
Luke: Check it out! The stars.
What's going on?
Clarisse: Capture the flag!!!!
What's going on? And are you ever going to wear pants again?
Annabeth: I really hope that doesn't mean what I think it means...
What? What does it mean?
Mr. D: So maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a while, things might improve, for me, not for you, you'd be dead.
Where am I?
Annabeth: you had an accident. You're safe now. Your friend Grover carried you here, and I gave you ambrosia. It heals almost any injury. Unless I gave you too much and it kills you.
Where is Grover? I had this dream. He was a goat, and there was a bull, and my mom- where's my mom?
Grover: You should see the captain of the other team.
Who's the captain of the other team?
Luke: Come on! Grab some dinner and let the nectar flow!
Why did she scrape part of her plate into the fire? Is the food here that bad?
Percy: 🎵THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED🎵
Why is there peanut butter in your hair?
Grover: He met a fury.
YOURE a furry! What happened to your legs?
Annabeth: He's a history professor.
Yeah human? But I thought...
Annabeth: You have ADHD right? Dyslexia too?
Yeah, but-
Mr. Brunner: No, but... that is to say... I can only accept the best from you, Percy. Someday you'll understand why. I'm truly sorry.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry I let you down...
