Conflict Resolution UNIT 5 - CHALLENGE 3

Erika's caller continued discussing his family conflict, saying, "It'll be a difficult process. My sister was never close to my mom, but she took to my stepmother immediately. My mom and I were always close, and losing her sent me into a real tailspin. As time went on, I guess my sister got tired of trying to deal with my mom and gave up on the relationship. When Mom died, my sister even lost touch with the family for a while because we just couldn't communicate effectively. I guess she didn't know how to be around us without having Mom there to fight with. "But when Dad remarried, the whole family changed. Suddenly my sister was my stepmom's helper in taking care of Dad, and she used to hate dealing with sick people. In a lot of ways, my stepmom has been good for the family. She made my dad happy, and he became a lot nicer to be around. But we just don't agree on how to take care of him, and it's tearing us apart again." Looking at the caller's family as a system, select the change in components that indicates a move towards entropy.

"...we just couldn't communicate effectively."

Erika's caller continued to talk, saying, "I think what's hardest in this situation is that my wife and I both come from a culture that frowns on divorce. We feel like failures for not sticking out our marriage like we're supposed to, and that makes us even angrier at each other." Erika said, "I understand. It's much more common for people to divorce these days than it used to be, and while it's widely accepted, no one thinks it's an easy or enjoyable thing." The caller replied, "Thanks for saying that. I think we're divorcing because we just couldn't stop putting our own needs before each other's. But the last straw was definitely when she sold my motorcycle without telling me, because she thought it was unsafe for me to ride now that I'm a father." Erika replied, "Well, there are some options for people in your situation, whatever the reasons for the divorce." Select the statement that reflects a cultural norm in the relationship.

"We feel like failures for not sticking out our marriage like we're supposed to...."

Erika explained to her caller that many city agencies provided divorce mediation, and it was encouraged by the courts. She said, "The court really prefers it when divorcing parents are able to work together - even with outside help - to decide what is best for their kids. The process still involves the courts, of course, but the actual decision-making is left up to you and your lawyers." The caller asked, "Is it required that we do it, or that we reach an agreement?" Erika began explaining the divorce mediation process. Select the true statement about divorce mediation.

Divorce mediation is more efficient and cost-effective than court.

Erika replied to the woman she was speaking with, saying, "Well, you might want to see if the courts will order your son to complete Family Group Conferencing rather than just giving him a sentence. It seems like he might benefit from that kind of process, because it draws in all of the people in the child's environment to help come up with a plan for dealing with these issues." Erika referred the caller to a juvenile justice center that could explain Family Group Conferencing and help the caller make arrangements. Select a community member who could help the caller's son come up with and stick to a plan for dealing with the issues in a Family Group Conference.

His favorite teacher

After talking to her first caller, Erika received a call from a woman with a question about her son, who was facing charges for vandalism and shoplifting. The woman said, "My son says this all happened because he was mad at his father for grounding him last month, but I think it's really because he's jealous of our new baby daughter. He was an only child for a long time, and since she was born, I guess he feels like we've been neglecting him, and he wanted to get some attention. Well, he did! We're so angry and afraid for him, I can't even describe it! It's not like him to act this way." Select the option that correctly identifies a specific issue and behavioral pattern in the family conflict.

The father grounding his son is a specific issue; the son feeling neglected is a behavioral pattern.

Erika's next call came from a man who wanted help resolving a conflict with his sister and stepmother about medical care for his elderly father. The man said, "My dad, my sister, and I were always close, but he remarried after my mom died five years ago. Since that time, my stepmom and sister have become best friends, and they side together on everything. Dad can't make decisions on his own care anymore because he has dementia, and I think that he needs to go to a nursing home. But they insist that they can take care of him at home." Erika said, "And you think that they can't?" The caller said, "He has a lot of other medical issues. What if he gets sick and needs emergency care? He needs to be in a place where he can get immediate professional help." Erika suggested that Elder Care Conflict Resolution might be an option to help the caller resolve the conflict. The caller said, "Okay, but I don't want my dad to be stressed. He remembers enough to feel badly about how confused he is these days, but he can't really make rational choices anymore." Select the true statement about Elder Care Conflict Resolution.

The involved senior should be included only if he or she is capable of participating in the discussion.

Erika's new caller continued, "Not that I think we deserve all the blame. Our son would have talked to us if he hadn't been hanging out with a bad crowd. All of his friends just act without thinking. I guess their parents raised them differently, but I wish they didn't affect my son so much. Especially his new best friend. He gets good grades, but I think that's because the teachers take it easy on him, or that he cheats well." The caller's statement indicates that she is affected by __________ in believing that her son's friend does not succeed at school because of his abilities, but rather because of external factors.

attribution bias

Over lunch, she thought about the calls she took that morning. It's probably easier to deal with the problems of people who don't know each other well, but I really like working with families. People want their families to stay together forever, so they place so much weight and importance on the things that could divide them, and they have really extreme reactions. Helping to reassure them that they can stay connected is so satisfying. Erika recognized that perceived threats to a family's __________ can provoke strong emotional reactions.

group cohesiveness

Erika was a social worker at an agency that referred people to community resources and social services. One morning, she took a call from a man who told her, "My wife and I are divorcing, but we have three young children, and we're fighting really badly about custody and parenting. I don't want my kids to suffer, even though I really don't like their mother. And I'm afraid that she won't be able to handle taking care of the kids well on her own. I'm almost tempted to take the kids and move out of state, so they don't have to deal with fighting between their mother and me." Erika replied, "Well, I hope you don't do anything like that. Your situation isn't uncommon, though. Kids are resilient; if you and your wife put energy into finding ways of minimizing the fighting around your kids, they'll adapt. And I know a divorce situation produces a lot of stress, anger, and grief. But let's look at some ways you might be able to improve the situation." Erika's caller knows that his and his wife's actions will affect their children. This is an example of the family system's __________.

interconnectivity

Erika told her caller that he could contact a local mediation center for help setting up a conflict resolution process for his family. She ended the call by saying, "I hope you can find an agreement on how best to deal with your father's health. And remember that it's natural for families to feel stress in these situations." The man replied, "I know. I just don't want it to upset my kids any more than it already has. They don't understand why I'm fighting with their aunt, and they certainly can't understand what's happening to their grandfather, but they're sad about it." Erika said, "Try to help them focus on the fact that families can argue but still love each other. Kids often assume that it's one or the other, because they see the stakes as being so high in keeping their families close." Erika wished the caller good luck. The caller was concerned that the problems with his father's care will have a(n) __________ across the family system, affecting members of the family who are not central to the conflict.

ripple effect