fahmy 2020 self development 3

5 What other options and backup plans do you have so that you can still achieve the goal if other people don't deliver?

6 Is there anything that could prevent you from reaching this goal?

6 Conduct weekly performance reviews and team meetings that are focused on solutions

7 Exchange weekly dialogue with individual team members on action steps for each person to deliver better results

6 Visualize the best possible outcome

7 Make a turnaround statement that affirms what you want

6 If you reduce the criteria to three main ones, what would they be?

7 What choices best meet those criteria?

" He would say: "No, I didn't do it In the morning, his grandmother would wake up and feel the sheet and say: "Look, Johnny, what you did again last night

" Scolding, spanking, shaming him, reiterating that the parents didn't want him to do it - none of these things kept the bed dry You did it

She had a very tough life, and she did not realize her way would negatively impact me I know my mom loved her family immensely and I don't blame her

Coach: What an interesting observation Furthermore, she didn't have a coach

What can you do to focus on what's more important to you? Is something causing you to worry about this?

I sense that you might be worrying about this, but you would rather focus on things that are more important 3

What learning discoveries have you made so far? What would this look like?

Moving forward, after we complete our coaching sessions, how can you make use of what you have learned here to manage yourself even better? 8

5 They need to know in deeper detail the pros and cons and implications of the actions to be taken

Shift out of the Analysis Paradigm When 1 They need to evaluate the best ways of achieving their goal

T Another father, K

The usual scolding, pleading, coaxing methods had all ended in futility Dutschmann, a telephone engineer, a student of this course, couldn't get his three-year old daughter to eat breakfast food

Imagine that it's just a matter of choice 12

13 How could you choose to evoke the strong positive feelings that you would rather have?

12 What was your experience like?

13 How do you feel about your problem now?

How often? What do you need your accountability partner to do for you?

27 For how long?

A Read it and then I'll tell you

28 Front St Zerega's Sons, Inc

Paint all the possible scenarios of how things could turn out 27

28 What would they be?

28 What do you want to achieve from today's conversation?

29 Is this something that you would really like to work on now, or do you have other more important objectives?

2 They are clear enough about where they stand and the most important things they have to do to accomplish their goal

3 People start to talk about when they are going to start executing and they are ready to get into a final decision and action (shift to the Decision Paradigm and then to the Action Paradigm)

Make a list of your options and categorize them under three groups-top priority, second priority, and third priority 2

3 What does that look like?

2 How will you keep track of your progress toward your goal each step of the way?

3 What would be a good way to keep score of your progress?

29 What would the best-case scenario look like?

30 What would the worst-case scenario look like?

Each day the job he did all around got better, and pretty soon he started doing all his work efficiently She made a point to praise him for it in front of the other people

Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed Now he does an excellent job and other people give him appreciation and recognition

Considering the big goals that we have set for our whole coaching engagement, what subgoals would you like to work on in the coming sessions to ensure that we are on target? 17

In what way might you want to revise some of the goals in light of the latest developments? 18

Achievers Coaching Questions for Flip Switching 1 Over time you can choose to use different items from step 1 to deal with different issues as long as they create a very strong feeling of love in your heart

Make a list What do you love most about yourself?

Any school child would have known better than to have said what I said You are not the one to apologize; I am

SHE : I was born in Concord, Massachusetts I apologized over the air the following Sunday, and I want to apologize to you personally now

4 If you had a scoreboard that would show where you are at any point in time and how far you are from your goal, what would that look like?

Success is the sum of small consistent efforts, repeated day in and day out What value could you gain from having such a scoreboard?

Could you now quietly sense the change in your perception and feeling and see what solutions to your problem you can come up with now 10

Take your time to relax for a while 11

No! When the old-time lover Proposed to his sweetheart, did he just use words of love?

That really showed he meant what he said He went down on his knees

M That is an important question; and in order to answer it, the University of Chicago, the American Association for Adult Education, and the United Y

That survey revealed that the prime interest of adults is health Schools made a survey over a two-year period

Is there anything holding you back from making a decision? 9

What's your decision on this matter? 10

5 Could you imagine your problem as something spinning inside you, but it's not you?

6 Could you just let it go?

" This conversation took place at the end of the day, just before the night shift came on They just won't produce

" "Six Schwab asked the manager for a piece of chalk, then, turning to the nearest man, asked: "How many heats did your shift make today?

"Don't you talk to me that way, young lady! He got angry with anyone who tried to give him feedback

" "This is my business and I'll run it the way I want to " "Don't tell me how to run my business

" That's all flattery is - cheap praise One of these maxims said: "Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise

" "Use what language you will," said Ralph Waldo Emerson, "you can never say anything but what you are I once read a definition of flattery that may be worth repeating: "Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself

Years in the renting business have taught me something about human nature, and I sized you up in the first place as being a man of your word Doe,' I said, 'I have listened to your story, and I still don't believe you intend to move

" 'Now, here's my proposition In fact, I'm so sure of it that I'm willing to take a gamble

' He immediately rose and invited me to sit in one of the large upholstered chairs Funkhouser, I believe I can make money for you

" 'R I enumerated my ideas and the qualifications I had to realize these ideas, as well as how they would contribute to his personal success and that of his businesses

You should follow my footsteps and believe that people cannot be trusted; otherwise you'll regret it Maybe next year you can try that

" But what if, instead, you decided to say, "I can do this " We take this sense of inability or negative belief into adulthood, where it is reinforced through workplace mistakes and other so-called "failures

Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteen centuries ago The sacred books of Hinduism taught it a thousand years before that

" You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact Jesus summed it up in one thought -probably the most important rule in the world: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

Pullman listened attentively, but he was not wholly convinced He pictured in glowing terms the mutual advantages of working with, instead of against, each other

" and Carnegie replied promptly: "Why, the Pullman Palace Car Company, of course Finally he asked, "What would you call the new company?

I'd think the same thing in your position " "It does look like it, doesn't it?

" and Dean Woodcock went on to explain how this was the first job of this type for his department and how everybody from executives down was interested But this is a unique situation,

" He was proud of the fact that he was Public Enemy Number One When the FBI agents were hunting him, he dashed into a farmhouse up in Minnesota and said, "I'm Dillinger!

" he said "I'm not going to hurt you, but I'm Dillinger!

Without the chaos and clutter of complexity, we can more easily find what we are looking for—the solution that is readily visible When we choose to talk simply, without anything extra or unnecessary, we cleanse our minds

" moments for the client Using the power of simplicity helps the coach to create more breakthroughs and "Aha!

The father felt that young people should have respect for their elders and that he was right in not giving in to his desire, but to wait for his son to come to him His classmates, all Chinese, understood his conflict between his desire and longestablished tradition

"I have pondered this problem," he said Toward the end of the course the father again addressed his class

"I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me, I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievances in a cheerful manner, I smile as I listen to them and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier As I stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people who until recently never saw me smile

"I share my office with another broker I find that smiles are bringing me dollars, many dollars every day

Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France Criticism drove Thomas Chatterton, the English poet, to suicide

"I will speak ill of no man," he said, " The secret of his success?

"Then I remembered what his secretary had said to him - stamps, twelve-year-old son Walters said as he related the story to the class

"The next afternoon I called on this man and sent in word that I had some stamps for his boy And I also recalled that the foreign department of our bank collected stamps - stamps taken from letters pouring in from every continent washed by the seven seas

"He had evidently never had such a reception from a tenant ' I complimented him on the way he ran the building and told him I should like so much to stay for another year but I couldn't afford it

"Then he started to tell me his troubles He hardly knew what to make of it

"It is important, in making drawings for advertising and publishing purposes, to be precise and very exact," Mr Warren, a commercial artist, used this technique to win the good will of a petulant, scolding buyer of art

"Some art editors demand that their commissions be executed immediately; and in these cases, some slight error is liable to occur Warren said as he told the story

Data were needed immediately about the competition in this market; the prospective customer was one of the biggest - and most formidable - men in the advertising business His firm had just finished an exhaustive study for a leading brand of cold cream

"The first time I went in," Mr And his first approach failed almost before he began

He even took rooms in the hotel and lived there in order to get the business He went to the same social affairs the manager attended

"Then," said Mr But he failed

Because of a different mental attitude Why?

"There is nothing either good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but thinking makes it so I have seen just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toiling with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the tropics as I have seen in air-conditioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles

In fact, you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking First, instead of increasing your income from me, you are going to decrease it

"There's another disadvantage to you also I shall be forced to hold these lectures at some other place

Isaac F And all this, let me repeat, was made possible solely by the application of the principles we are discussing here

"They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of celebrities, declared that many people fail to make a favorable impression because they don't listen attentively

Now, let's take a piece of paper and write down the advantages and the disadvantages that will accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent If you don't do that, you will be fired and you ought to be fired

" I wrote down under the head "Advantages" these words: "Ballroom free " Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the center and headed one column "Advantages" and the other column "Disadvantages

" If I am not then he will follow up with the next accountability question: "What will you do to stay on target? Henry: On the first item, I will have my training director ask me weekly, "Are you on target with your certification and training delivery?

" If my answer is no, then he should ask me, "How can I help you make it work better? " On the second item, I will have our finance manager ask me each month, "Is the implementation of the scorecard up to expectation?

Grandma didn't object Second, he wanted a bed of his own

" The salesgirl made him feel important by saying: "Young man, what can I show you? His mother took him to a department store in Brooklyn, winked at the salesgirl, and said: "Here is a little gentleman who would like to do some shopping

Tell the people you coach that you want them to come up to a level where they succeed in each and every step they set out to do There is no need to coerce them, but when they slack off, help them get back on track as soon as possible

" The we in the statement is key Ask them, "What can we do to make sure you reach that standard?

If he didn't hear the name distinctly, he said, "So sorry Simple

" Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, "How is it spelled? I didn't get the name clearly

"Follow your instincts Listen deeply, use observation and intuition, and there will be more and more moments when you can rejoice in helping people gain insightful discovery

" These are the words of the legendary Oprah Winfrey That's where true wisdom manifests itself

Well, they would show the night shift a thing or two So the night shift thought they were better than the day shift did they?

" Things were stepping up The crew pitched in with enthusiasm, and when they quit that night, they left behind them an enormous, swaggering "10

A cheap reproduction of Rosa Bonheur's famous painting The Horse Fair hung above the bed, and a dismal gas jet flickered yellow light Lincoln's long body lay stretched diagonally across a sagging bed that was too short for him

" What was the secret of Lincoln's success in dealing with people? As Lincoln lay dying, Secretary of War Stanton said, "There lies the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen

When he was about to do something scary, such as negotiate for a multimillion dollar bank loan or make a speech to the board of directors, he would read his victory log to build up his self-confidence , kept such a victory log on his desk

" When most people are about to embark on some frightening task, they tend to focus on all the times they tried before and didn't succeed His list included diverse entries such as "I opened up China as a market," "I got my teenage son to clean up his room," and "I got the board to approve the new expansion plan

They simply need to reconnect with their most heartfelt dreams and passions and align their daily actions with them The people whom you coach do not need to be fixed or coerced to change

" When she discovered these had been our instructions, she became extremely resistant to coaching A CEO of a multinational corporation once asked us to coach one of his senior managers in order to "deal with her mistakes and shortcomings

" The next morning Schwab walked through the mill again He chalked it down on the floor

" When the day shift reported for work the next morning, they saw a big "7" chalked on the floor The night shift had rubbed out "6" and replaced it with a big "7

In that book he says: "It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled What Life Should Mean to You

" You may read scores of erudite tomes on psychology without coming across a statement more significant for you and for me It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring

Roosevelt, Miss Perkins, the Secretary of Labor, and his secretary He made a point of bringing these various pieces of equipment to the attention of Mrs

' "When the driving lesson was finished, the President turned to me and said: 'Well, Mr He even brought the old White House porter into the picture by saying, 'George, you want to take particularly good care of the suitcases

You are going to smile So the next morning, while combing my hair, I looked at my glum mug in the mirror and said to myself, 'Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today

' As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife with a 'Good morning, my dear,' and smiled as I said it And you are going to begin right now

As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body " Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead

' Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm

13 What do you want to have in the future?

14 If you were granted three wishes, which goals would you choose to fulfill?

13 Is there anything that you keep thinking about that negatively affects you?

14 What are you feeling in your body right now?

13 How do you feel about the results you got?

14 What is it that you don't want out of this situation?

What's stopping you from pursuing your dream in life? 17

18 What could you do about it?

17 In the face of these challenges, what opportunities can you seize?

18 What's the possible silver lining behind that dark cloud?

17 Which are the top three goals that you would like to focus on?

18 Which goal would you like to start working on first?

(*) ---- [*] Adapted from Carl R " Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person

18ff Rogers, On Becoming a Person (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961), pp

26 To what extent are the goals achievable and within your control?

27 On a scale of 1 to 10, how realistic do you think we have been here?

What's on your agenda for today? 26

27 What do we need talk about?

28 How many times have you done this in the past?

29 When was the last time you did that?

What results would you get if you focused on these five things? 2

3 Anything else?

2 How is it relevant to you?

3 How is this goal related to the attainment of your other goals?

2 You and your client feel that sufficient ideas have been generated (shift to the Analysis Paradigm)

3 People have shared as much as they can and have no further new inputs to offer

2 What have you accomplished since our last session?

3 Shall we take a look at the action steps completed since we last met?

2 Thank each of my team members for their feedback and let them know I am aware of my limitations and that I am committed to improve

3 Share my plan to improve and ask for their support to help me change

2 What's getting in the way of living the life that you want?

3 What might be stopping you from pursuing your dreams?

2 How did the situation unfold?

3 What was the sequence of events?

2 People want to or need to express and release their feelings and emotions

3 You need to draw out people's emotions and feelings and enable them to express themselves openly for a greater awareness of what is blocking them and keeping them stuck

Can you imagine having completed all the action steps on time? 31

32 How do you think you will feel?

31 What would you do under each of these scenarios?

32 What are all the different resources that you would need?

Stop frequently in your reading to think over what you are reading 3

4 Ask yourself just how and when you can apply each suggestion

3 Clients need to come up with clear and specific action steps and a timeline for implementing them

4 Clients have spent sufficient time exploring, analyzing, and deciding on their strategies, and they need techniques to help in their execution

3 They can be people, places or things, including animals

4 Close your eyes and focus on the area around your heart

3 What would it take for you to let it go?

4 Could you simply welcome and allow yourself to experience that feeling as best you can?

3 How can you quantify and measure the outcome?

4 How can you evaluate the progress you are making toward the goal?

3 Who else might you need to depend on to meet this goal?

4 How certain are you that they will deliver?

3 How will achieving this goal help you to achieve other goals?

4 In what way would the realization of this goal impact the other aspects of your life?

3 They are in a positive emotional state and they wish to focus back on their goals (shift to the Goals Paradigm)

4 People have had enough time to express their feelings and now need to identify more ideas and effective solutions to the challenges they face (shift to the Exploration Paradigm and the Analysis Paradigm)

3 People need to know where they currently stand and the gap between where they are and where they want to be

4 They need to understand in greater depth what it really takes to achieve the goal and what is realistically possible and within their control

3 What would be a really happy and fun thing to do when you achieve this?

4 What are some of the best ways of motivating yourself so that you can accomplish even more?

3 What action steps will you take?

4 What are the five most important things that you will do every day to follow through on your decision and achieve your goal?

3 How can you state your goal in one simple, specific sentence?

4 What exactly do you want to accomplish?

3 People are working on the action steps and they suddenly realize that it is important for them to review and revise their original goals (shift to the Goals Paradigm)

4 Your clients are really lacking good ideas and feel that they need much better solutions (shift to the Exploration Paradigm and the Analysis Paradigm)

4 How important is it for you?

5 How can other people help you to sustain this journey until your goal is accomplished?

4 Ask them to discuss further how I can help them to improve their performance

5 Identify and focus on the strengths of each team member

Count from one to six when breathing in and count from one to six when breathing out Keep breathing in and out

5 Imagine the breath is coming in and out through your heart

4 What's your view about this issue?

5 Who and what was involved in this matter?

4 Increase your popularity

5 Win people to your way of thinking

4 Problems and worries block their ideas from flowing (shift to the Releasing Paradigm and then shift back to the Exploration Paradigm)

5 Your clients are ready to begin analyzing options and making key decisions for action (shift to the Analysis Paradigm and then to the Decision and Action Paradigms)

5 You need to ascertain your clients' levels of motivation and commitment to implement their action plans on time

6 Clients want to be held accountable to take action to achieve their goals

Anthony Robbins once said that success leaves clues 5

6 How can you use this idea by seeking out and learning from people who have already succeeded in doing what you aim to do?

5 What value could you add to others by accomplishing this mission?

6 How would achieving this goal directly or indirectly serve the wider community?

I imagine that you feel like a champion 5

6 What did you experience after fulfilling this objective?

6 What are instances in your life when any recurring undesired thought, behavior, or response emerges almost automatically?

7 Can you choose one that you would like to deal with first?

6 Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done

7 Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant

6 How do you feel about what happened?

7 What were your thoughts when this happened?

Narrow down your strategies to what you think are the three most effective ones 6

7 Which ones would they be?

For years, he had driven and criticized and condemned his employees without stint or discretion To illustrate: A man with 314 employees joined one of these courses

After studying the principles discussed in this book, this employer sharply altered his philosophy of life Kindness, words of appreciation and encouragement were alien to his lips

Out of that we developed what we call the Rule of 5 " How very simple and how very true!

Ask questions to assist your clients to come up with the five most important things that they would like to focus on daily to realize their dreams This simply means that every day, we do five specific things that will move our goal toward completion

I also thanked her mother for influencing Babette to cut her nails I complimented her and praised her for making such a sacrifice

Babette decided to do it on her own, and this is the first time she has ever trimmed her nails for anyone Her reply was 'Oh, I had nothing to do with it

on December 31 of this year m

Coach: That's fantastic I am fully motivated to achieve this goal, and I am totally committed to do everything in my power to achieve it as I take this journey with a great coach who believes in me

Henry: Well, the feedback tells me that people are very unhappy working with me Coach: Tell me more about what impact this "trap" has on you?

Coach: Think deeper They say it stresses them to the point that it badly affects their performance and their confidence

Keeping such a record will inspire you to greater efforts; and how fascinating these entries will be when you chance upon them some evening years from now! Give names, dates, results

Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations, b In order to get the most out of this book: a

I believe I have made as detailed and exhaustive a study of Lincoln's personality and home life as it is possible for any being to make I studied the life of Abraham Lincoln for ten years and devoted all of three years to writing and rewriting a book entitled Lincoln the Unknown

Did he indulge in criticism? I made a special study of Lincoln's method of dealing with people

Fall behind prison bars A stench arose so vile that it ruined the Harding Administration, nauseated an entire nation, threatened to wreck the Republican party, and put Albert B

Did he repent? Fall was condemned viciously - condemned as few men in public life have ever been

If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail

Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? And you know that behind this show of affection on his part, there are no ulterior motives: he doesn't want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn't want to marry you

Since he soon had to give a speech professionally on how he applied the principles of appreciation, he thought he would gain some worthwhile experience talking with the-elderly lady She left him to chat with an old aunt of hers and ther rushed off by herself to visit some of the younger relatives

"This house was built about 1890, wasn't it? So he looked around the house to see what he could honestly admire

All they want is a small apartment, and then they go off gadding about in their automobiles "The young folks nowadays don't care for beautiful homes

"This house was built with love "This is a dream house," she said in a voice vibrating with tender memories

Let's try to figure out why they do what they do Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them

"To know all is to forgive all That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness

Here's the result: "Presently, the man I was interviewing said: 'Oh, by the way, what was it you wanted to see me about? He talked in terms of what interested the other man

"To my vast surprise," Mr ' So I told him

I think it is grand - I don't know what makes it go All you have to do is to touch a button and it moves away and you can drive it without effort

' "When Roosevelt's friends and associates admired the machine, he said in their presence: 'Mr I'd love to have the time to tear it down and see how it works

He talked to his colleague to find out what his colleague did to get the promotion Different Response: Oliver talked to his coach about how to take responsibility for the results that he wanted

Different Outcome: Oliver obtained useful and positive input from his boss and his colleague about what actions to take He sought advice from his boss about where he stood and what he needed to do to get his promotion

For example, John D That is the most significant thing about you

Dillinger, on the other hand, got his feeling of importance by being a bandit, a bank robber and killer Rockefeller got his feeling of importance by giving money to erect a modern hospital in Peking, China, to care for millions of poor people whom he had never seen and never would see

" He was right " Abe Lincoln once remarked that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be

Directly in front of me thirty or forty crippled boys on canes and crutches were struggling up the stairs I saw a vivid illustration of that truth as I was walking up the stairs of the Long Island Railroad station in New York

" If there is some point you haven't thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention Remember the slogan, "When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary

Distrust your first instinctive impression Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake

Her job and her life became more pleasant and interesting Acquaintanceships developed and some ripened into friendships

Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies Peruse this bit of sage advice from the essayist and publisher Elbert Hubbard - but remember, perusing it won't do you any good unless you apply it: Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp

" 2 What would it take to make it a 10 for you?

Do not get defensive Second, you must show appreciation for the feedback

Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree ~~~~~~~ 5 - The Secret Of Socrates In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ

Get the other person saying "Yes, yes" at the outset Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose

This technique helps them to break free from the present inertia so that they can conceptualize effective solutions more fluently and increases their motivation to take action When people look at their current reality versus their dream, they often get stuck in the present due to many perceived limitations and roadblocks

Go to the destination and experience it as fully as possible The Steps for Backcasting 1

30 What is your most important and immediate goal for us to work on today?

Goals accomplished and goals pending completion 1 What specific outcome do you want to obtain from this conversation?

" And, in addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships " you will save yourself time and irritation, for "by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect

Goode in his book How to Turn People Into Gold, "stop a minute to contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else "Stop a minute," says Kenneth M

"This is a red-letter day in my life," Rockefeller began spirit of mutual friendship, our common interests, it is only by your courtesy that I am here

Had this meeting been held two weeks ago, I should have stood here a stranger to most of you, recognizing a few faces "It is the first time I have ever had the good fortune to meet the representatives of the employees of this great company, its officers and superintendents, together, and I can assure you that I am proud to be here, and that I shall remember this gathering as long as I live

" "Thank you" - little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life- and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding " " Would you mind?

Hall Caine's novels-The Christian, The Deemster, The Manxman, among them - were all best-sellers in the early part of this century Let's take another illustration

" Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it "Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there

Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions That is by controlling your thoughts

But one thing is certain Of course, you might have made the contribution because you were ashamed to refuse or because a customer asked you to do it

Harry A, Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behavior said; "Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire You made the contribution because you wanted something

Armour and Company offered to promote him, saying: "You have achieved what seemed impossible Within two years, he had taken an unproductive territory that had stood in the twenty-fifth place and had boosted it to first place among all the twenty-nine car routes leading out of south Omaha

Hartley in Polly of the Circus " But he refused the promotion and resigned, went to New York, studied at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and toured the country, playing the role of Dr

It can't do any harm there And the next time you want to have some fun, won't you please build your fire over the hill there in the sandpit?

Have a good time Thanks so much, boys

What would be the three most critical threats? 21

Have you checked the facts of the case? 22

We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources "Compared to what we ought to be," said the famous Professor William James of Harvard, "compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake

He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use," Those powers which you "habitually fail to use"! Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits

He raved And he did curse

He refused to pay certain charges that he declared were false He threatened to tear the phone out by its roots

Coach: I am happy for you Henry: I feel excited and really empowered since you enabled me to find my own direction—in spite of the fact that I kept pushing you every now and then to give me the answers

Henry: Absolutely Think about the goals that you decided on since we first started our coaching sessions; do you feel that you have ownership over the goals and the solutions that come with them?

Henry: That's a great question, I never thought of it this way Coach: What is something positive and fun or humorous that you could do?

Henry: All right Coach: Go ahead and see what you can come up with

Let's search deeper Coach: All right, let's kill it

Henry: Ben Franklin Who is the wisest person you know of?

Two weeks later: Coach: Hello, Henry I will see you in two weeks to evaluate your progress

Henry: Better than ever How're you doing?

Coach: That would be great I plan to practice the coaching method each week when I have meetings with individual team members

Henry: For me, I will use the same format that I just described for my team members; I'll update you during each coaching session on how I am progressing What about your personal scorecard?

" That's a great way you just invented to interrupt the sadistic pattern " Coach: I like this "humor pattern

Henry: Good idea, but what would you suggest? Can I suggest that you see if you can find a replacement for the sadistic pattern that also fulfills your ego needs so you also feel bigger and better?

I might call it the cruel, heartless, sadistic, and vindictive pattern No, I'm just kidding

Henry: Good point Coach: Can I suggest that you give it a short, clear, and simple name so you remember instantly and can spot it every time it's about to manifest itself?

Coach: Agreed My job could be at stake

Henry: I believe it has a lot to do with my team members What do you think is the main thing preventing you and your team from achieving the targets?

Coach: Great! Henry: The Ben Franklin hero in me says that I could talk to my staff individually to thank them for their feedback and let them know that I've become aware of this pattern and seek their support to help me change

Henry: I can also talk to them about how I can help them improve their performance Tell me more

I don't want to be out of a job I need solutions fast

Henry: I could get help from my HR to do that Coach: Would you consider getting anonymous written feedback from your team about their problems and how you can help them solve them?

Coach: Wonderful Her warm embrace, her patience, her understanding, and her loving personality make my life worth living

Henry: I could simply call it the "love pattern What name could you give this pattern?

Coach: I agree Life would be much happier

Henry: I don't know, but I want to kill this pattern before it drives me crazy Could there be some need that you are fulfilling that sustains this pattern?

I explained to you that you know your life and your circumstances much better than I do We ask powerful questions, listen deeply, and use our curiosity and intuition to draw out the best solutions from you

Henry: I remember, so please start with your questions and help me get out of this rut The answers you need are within you

Coach: I get excited when you start thinking like Tony Robbins All right, I know establishing new habits take time and can be quite challenging, so I will schedule the future action items into my weekly planner on my iPhone and schedule reminders to ensure that I get everything done on time

Henry: I will send a progress report to you by e-mail at the start of each week Tell me more

I am intrigued by what you just said about your pattern of behavior that is limiting your progress Coach: Wonderful

Henry: It seems like every time things don't go the way I want, it makes me feel depressed Would you tell me about that?

And now visualize him bestowing his wisdom on you Remember some of your favorite quotes from his writings

Henry: Let me think about this If you were to think like Ben Franklin, what would you be saying?

I am really glad that you are able to make it today Coach: Hi, Henry

Henry: Life seems to get more and more stressful, and I wish my team could accomplish more in a shorter time How are things going with you?

Coach: I am curious I managed to interrupt the sadistic pattern with the humor pattern and replaced it with the love pattern four times but on the fifth time my sadistic pattern got hold of me and I had an outburst with a nasty supplier

Henry: My accountability partner, was on leave, and I lost the support that I needed to help me keep my new habit Please tell me how the creature managed to survive?

(Laughter from Henry and his coach Henry: I believe you already know the answer, even though you are still not a magician

Henry: My breakthrough goal is to improve the performance of my team and meet the 40 million mark in sales by 5 p ) Coach: I'd love to hear your answer

Coach: Hello, Henry CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART II To bring life to the coaching process that helps create awareness and acceptance that propels change, let's take a look at another coaching conversation with Henry

Henry: Not too bad How have things been going since we met two weeks ago?

Henry: I will try and talk to them when the time is right What are your thoughts about asking them?

Henry: Please Coach: I have a request that I believe will help you find solutions

Coach: I didn't mean that, and I am sorry if I gave you that impression Are you saying I am a bad manager?

Henry: So what should I do? I am totally on your side to support your objectives

Coach: That would be great Henry: I want to reflect more on the feedback you gave me, especially on my consistent pattern and how it is affecting my results

Henry: Sure Before we go, can you offer me some feedback on how the coaching session went today?

I know you are going to ask me, so I will name these behaviors the "nurturing pattern I could make it a routine every week, when I review my staff performance, to get feedback from them about how I can lead them better, what they would like to do to improve their performance, and how we can all support each other to take the necessary actions and keep improving

Henry: Thanks for believing in me and for helping me come up with these solutions " Coach: These are excellent plans, Henry, and I believe you're going to see significant improvements

Henry: I am thinking of asking my assistant manager; she's really good with details and always follows up on things I've found that having an accountability partner really assists people in staying focused and getting results

Henry: The "nurturing pattern Coach: What would you like her to help you with as an accountability partner?

When would you do that? As you complete each significant step of the goal how could you reward your "inner child"?

How will you celebrate your achievements? 5

I believe this coaching process has made a big difference for me and that we can do it Henry: I'd like to take on the challenge to make it happen

How will you engage your team to work together to achieve this breakthrough goal? Coach: Wonderful

Coach: That's very good Once they fully buy into the target, then I'll work with them on more detailed goals and the roles for each team member

How will you feel, what will you be doing, and what benefits will you be enjoying? I guess you already can foresee my next question: Imagine that your breakthrough goal is already realized

When do you aim to complete each of the action steps? 8

How will you include the action steps into your schedule? 9

"I immediately started for his plant and on the way turned over in my mind the best way to handle the situation Under the circumstances, they refused to accept it

However, I thought I would apply the principles learned in this training Ordinarily, under such circumstances, I should have quoted grading rules and tried, as a result of my own experience and knowledge as a lumber inspector, to convince the other inspector that the lumber was actually up to grade, and that he was misinterpreting the rules in his inspection

"These people had lived in my house all winter - the most expensive part of the year," Mr The tenant's lease still had four months to run; nevertheless, he served notice that he was vacating immediately, regardless of lease

I could see all that rent income going over the hill and believe me, I saw red Farrell said as he told the story to the class, "and I knew it would be difficult to rent the apartment again before fall

binaries Date Scanned: Unknown Posted to (Newsgroup): alt

I did not scan this work (I only have the 1964 version) but decided to edit it since I am working on Dale's other book "How To Stop Worrying and Start Living" and thought it best to make minor improvements e-book Scan/Edit Note: I have made minor changes to this work, including a contents page, covers etc

The principle? Shortly this mill, which had been lagging way behind in production, was turning out more work than any other mill in the plant

I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: "The way to get things done," say Schwab, "is to stimulate competition

Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others

I don't play bridge - and there was a woman there who didn't play bridge either ~~~~~~~ 4 - An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist Some time ago, I attended a bridge party

I wrote him a formal letter "What I finally did was this

I enclosed a form letter and a self-addressed envelope and asked him to please fill it out or ask his secretary to do it and return it to me I indicated in the letter that I fully understood how extremely busy he was all week, but it was important that I speak with him

I wanted something priceless Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap

I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me And I got it

Ask direct questions with clear thinking and a good flow A straightforward approach is almost always best

If something has happened to upset you—a traumatic incident, a quarrel with your partner, and so on—take time to clear your head before beginning the coaching session It helps to prepare before a coaching session; this will ensure that you enter the session with a clear mind

How will you know which tasks are of higher priority? Coach: You'll have a lot of items on your scorecard and action list

In addition I can still add a column to indicate a 1 to 10 rating on each task, 10 indicating the highest level of importance Henry: Well, the target dates on each item will in a way indicate the priority since only important tasks will be included

There is one all-important law of human conduct That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory lung after the incident is past

In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble

3 What makes it worthwhile for you to maintain your efforts until you fulfill your objective?

Is this something that you are still committed to? You have tried many times and have yet to accomplish this task and complete this goal

So let's look at some simple but powerful ways to build and maintain a high level of self-confidence and self-esteem Acknowledging that you have had successes in the past will give you the self-confidence that you can have more such victories in the future

It can be as simple as a running list in a spiral- bound notebook or a document on your computer, or it can be as elaborate as a leather-bound journal Create a Victory Log A powerful way to keep building your self-esteem is to keep a written record of your successes

Together these permeate successful coaching relationships —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee The Coaching Principles (TCP) are symbolized by the heart of a coach: it's steadfast and forms a solid foundation of life-impacting values, beliefs, and philosophies

It consists of six crucial paradigms that a coach can use in a flexible manner to navigate through a coaching conversation, shifting smoothly from one paradigm to another so as to best meet the needs of the client and the situation The Situational Coaching Model (SCM) is a conversational model that uses effective paradigms in any given coaching conversation

Simple and effective solutions generated from coaching eventually enabled Mei Ying to excel in her new job A simple solution, getting feedback from important people in her workplace, allowed Mei Ying to learn about the most important things, and led her team to producing better results

It consumes less mental energy and brings clarity for both you and the client A coaching session during which you encourage simplicity becomes time efficient

The Bulletin clipped from its regular edition all reading matter of all kinds on one average day, classified it, and published it as a book This is the way it was done

It contained 307 pages - as many as a hard-covered book; yet the Bulletin had printed all this news and feature material on one day and sold it, not for several dollars, but for a few cents The book was called One Day

During the war, Sir Ross had been the Australian ace out in Palestine; and shortly after peace was declared, he astonished the world by flying halfway around it in thirty days I was manager at the time for Sir Ross Smith

It created a tremendous sensation No such feat had ever been attempted before

And he knew it He could not penetrate the North

Lee was so saddened, so shocked, that he sent in his resignation and asked Jefferson Davis, the president of the Confederacy, to appoint "a younger and abler man The South was doomed

In the case of some clients who are less expressive and more cautious about opening up to share their true feelings, it may take more time to build rapport and trust After the emotional release has occurred, ask questions that evoke positive feelings to replace the negative feelings

Let it happen naturally, and at the right time Don't push people to express their emotions

Whether we knew it or not, our parents, grandparents, and other adult role models told us things like, "No, no, honey For most people, it's our early childhood programming

Let me do that for you That's too much for you to handle

Coach: Please, whatever works for you How about Tony Robbins?

Let me go through my list of action steps again Henry: Support structures?

I never forgot that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a sales-person to possess - for any person, for that matter The owner agreed and remained a loyal customer

Let me illustrate " I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them

You didn't need to You never read a book on psychology, Tippy

Let me repeat that You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you

" Principle 5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately " They have spent five thousand years studying human nature, those cultured Chinese, and they have garnered a lot of perspicacity: "He who treads softly goes far

Let the other people talk themselves out ~~~~~~~ 6 - The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints Must people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves

We can all consciously make a choice to either use language that attracts what we don't want or language that attracts what we do want When we coach people we also want to ask the right questions to attract what people want and constantly encourage them to use language and thought patterns that activate the Law of Attraction

Let them repeat that continuously until they create a new habit of focusing on what they want Mantra Technique Another simple but effective way of igniting the Law of Attraction is to help your clients create a mantra

In what way would one element influence the other? 19

Let's aim for at least five potential solutions 20

I frequently am If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong - yes, even that you know is wrong - isn't it better to begin by saying: "Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong

Let's examine the facts And if I am wrong, I want to be put right

Let's avoid complex language, as this will cloud our clients' mind As coaches, let's ask clear and simple questions and offer clear and simple feedback and suggestions, when needed

Let's listen for critical inputs and help the clients simplify and identify the critical issues, main problems, and key solutions Let's ask them about the gist, the essence, the core

In other words, that in which we are most interested is mentioned last and the whole effect is one of raising a spirit of antagonism rather than of cooperation Our cooperation is then requested without any thought as to whether it would inconvenience us, and then, finally, in the last paragraph, the fact is mentioned that if we do cooperate it will mean more expeditious discharge of our trucks with the assurance that our freight will go forward on the date of its receipt

Let's not waste any time talking about our problems Let's see if we can't rewrite and improve this letter

House did even more than that So he let Wilson continue to feel that the idea was his

Let's remember that everyone we come in contact with is just as human as Woodrow Wilson He gave Wilson public credit for these ideas

Encourage them to express their ideas fully Be sincere about it

Let's see Does this policy pay in business?

I have asked thousands of business people to smile at someone every hour of the day for a week and then come to class and talk about the results " You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you

Let's see How did it work?

So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good

Let's see Is that too idealistic to work in business?

" Is this a valuable technique to use in business? "Yet I know if I hadn't found out what he was interested in, and got him warmed up first, I wouldn't have found him one-tenth as easy to approach

Let's see, Take Henry G Is it?

Now, in the isolated loneliness of old age, she craved a little human warmth, a little genuine appreciation - and no one gave it to her This lady, left all alone in a big house with her paisley shawls, her French antiques, and her memories, was starving for a little recognition, She had once been young and beautiful and sought after She had once built a house warm with love and had collected things from all over Europe to make it beautiful

Let's take another case: Donald M And when she found it, like a spring in the desert, her gratitude couldn't adequately express itself with anything less than the gift of her cherished Packard

22 How do you feel?

Letting go of negative emotions and evoking positive feelings 1 If one burden could be removed from your heart, what would it be?

When you do that, the client will establish a much stronger sense of ownership and commitment toward the goal Ask the right questions and enable your clients to create their own goals and action plans

Letting others take responsibility to manage themselves to make worthwhile achievements is a big part of the power of a coaching relationship Remarkable things happen when people are strongly driven to take action as a result of setting an effective goal that they own and are committed to

Lincoln went over all the arguments for and against such a move, and then read letters and newspaper articles, some denouncing him for not freeing the slaves and others denouncing him for fear he was going to free them The old neighbor called at the White House, and Lincoln talked to him for hours about the advisability of issuing a proclamation freeing the slaves

Lincoln had done all the talking himself After talking for hours, Lincoln shook hands with his old neighbor, said good night, and sent him back to Illinois without even asking for his opinion

" And not only important personages crave a good listener, but ordinary folk do too Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait

Lincoln said he had some problems he wanted to discuss with him As the Reader's Digest once said: "Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience," During the darkest hours of the Civil War, Lincoln wrote to an old friend in Springfield, Illinois, asking him to come to Washington

" What a difference in treatment! We will certainly repair or replace the lining, or if you prefer, give you your money back

Listening is just as important in one's home life as in the world of business If that manager had not come along and listened to the Customer, a long-term patron of that store could have been lost forever

Roosevelt himself ] My wife answered it and it was Mr

Little things like that were so characteristic of him He had called her, he said, to tell her that there was a bobwhite outside her window and that if she would look out she might see it

She wrote a book called Thin Thighs in 30 Days and released it on April 15 So what did she do?

Look for Patterns When you study the feedback you get, you'll start to see a series of patterns By June, she had her $100,000—all because she asked people what they wanted and responded to the feedback by giving it to them

Young, a noted lawyer and one of America's great business leaders, once said: "People who can put themselves in the place of other people who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them Owen D

Looking at the other person's point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment " If out of reading this book you get just one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career

But if there is just one practical, common-sense course of that kind given for adults in even one college in the land, it has escaped my attention up to the present writing " Wouldn't you suppose that every college in the land would conduct courses to develop the highest-priced ability under the sun?

M The University of Chicago and the United Y

What feedback have you been receiving from your clients, family, friends, coworkers, boss, partners, vendors, and your body that you need to pay more attention to? It is a dead-end street

Make a list, and next to each item, write an action step you can take to get back on course Are there any patterns that stand out?

7 Then try these new ways and watch them achieve magic for you

Make a lively game out of mastering these rules Offer your spouse, your child or some business associate a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating a certain principle

Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems Apply these principles at every opportunity

Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles g

When will you do that? Who could you seek to learn from so that you can make a quantum leap in your progress?

Make a summary of your key insights from our coaching so you can use it to your advantage in the future 7

Visualize it clearly and feel the strongest emotion of love in your heart 3

Make the physical gesture every time you create or recall the feeling, and soon you will only have to make the physical gesture and it will immediately evoke the feeling Develop a physical anchor such as tightening your right hand into a fist or clasping your two hands together in a prayer gesture that can help you remember how to bring back this feeling anytime you want it

" The manager had to agree that an eight-hour shut down was more desirable than several days' I know you would not want to inconvenience your guests for several days

Mangum was able to win the hotel manager to his way of thinking easily and without rancor By sympathizing with the manager's desire to keep his patrons happy, Mr

Mr Everybody in the organization was interested in seeing if and how they could handle it

Many cars and trucks were there, and a number of people were standing around watching the two lone men on top of the pole Woodcock, several of his subordinate managers, and members of other departments of the utility went to see the operation

" This employer gained more profit, more leisure and -what is infinitely more important-he found far more happiness in his business and in his home But now they are all my friends and even the janitor calls me by my first name

Many have opened up new accounts - accounts that they had formerly solicited in vain Countless numbers of salespeople have sharply increased their sales by the use of these principles

" When people asked him how he managed to invent a workable lightbulb, he pointed to his more than 2,000 failures Perseverance Thomas Edison, one of the world's greatest inventors, believed that "many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

Many people tend to give up on their dream when the going gets tough; this is when they need support from a great coach When they asked for the connection between those failures and his eventual success, his reply was that each of the 2,000 failed attempts was a step on his road to success

Claude Marais, a restaurant owner in Rouen, France, used this principle and saved his restaurant the loss of a key employee Eastman's death, he and James Adamson were close friends

Marais and his staff of twenty-one people This woman had been in his employ for five years and was a vital link between M

Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am distressed immeasurably because of it It would be unreasonable to expect and I do not expect that you can now effect much

Meade never saw that letter What do you suppose Meade did when he read the letter?

Mei Ying's coach asked her to first relax and breathe deeply She was caught up in the complexity of things and couldn't see the possible solutions and resources that were within her reach

Mei Ying was overwhelmed, stressed, even hopeless The coach saw the signals that she was in a state of anxiety, chaos, and confusion

And nearly every church is beautified by stained-glass windows commemorating the names of their donors Morgan

Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds Many of the buildings on the campus of most universities bear the names of donors who contributed large sums of money for this honor

She knew that if what we want is peace, then we should use the language of peace and focus on that " She was applying the Law of Attraction

Mother Teresa was able to impact the world with her gift of love and compassion, and she attracted a lot of that into her life Focusing on fighting against war would attract more war, and that was not what she wanted

" Here is one way of revising the letter As Henry Ford admonishes, let's "get the other person's point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own

Mr It may not be the best way, but isn't it an improvement?

O'Haire to talk " Mv first problem was not to teach Patrick J

Mr My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking and to avoid verbal fights

And he knew it That quotation was from the Bible

Mr The storyteller was sitting on my right; and Frank Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at my left

M As he looked back and evaluated his college work, he saw that his training in public speaking had done more to give him confidence, courage, poise and the ability to meet and deal with people in business than had all the rest of his college courses put together, So he urged the Y

What? schools in New York to give him a chance to conduct courses in public speaking for people in business

Ten thousand excited people watched the battle Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police

When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York

Coach: How do you feel before and after things like that happen? I had to tell her off and emphasized that I cannot accept lazy, goodfor- nothing staff members who fail to keep their commitments

When I do the right thing to reprimand them, my feeling of frustration is released and I feel better Henry: When things don't go the way I want, I get very unhappy and stressed

Harv Eker, Thomas Crane, Tony Buzan, Dr Kenneth Blanchard, Ram Charan, Robert Tucker, Stephen Covey, T

William Rothwell William Byham, and Dr

Jack Canfield are coauthors of Coaching for Breakthrough Success whereas Dr Chee and Dr

William Rothwell are coauthors of the book entitled Becoming an Effective Mentoring Leader Chee and Dr

I congratulate you for choosing to take the path of becoming a coach for others I will always treasure our relationship

Wishing you love and joy in abundance, Your Coach MY DEAREST COACH, Greetings! I really appreciate you for your dedication in passing on the gift of coaching to your daughter and your team to make a difference in their lives and to help them make their impossible dream possible

When they get things done, it creates momentum and increases motivation to achieve even more so that success breeds more success " Effective strategies and action steps are essential in enabling clients to achieve their goals

Over time they become capable of achieving much more than they imagined possible When people meet their goals and make great progress, they get excited and begin to believe in themselves even more

I called another meeting and this time I asked where they felt their problems were "After several sessions of this course, I realized all too well where I had made my mistakes

With a few low-keyed suggestions, at proper intervals, I let them develop my system themselves We discussed each point, and I asked them their opinions on which was the best way to proceed

My team members detested my bad habits, my job and my future were at stake, and I was faced with a formidable challenge to turn this around I was also unaware that my daughter was slipping into a depressed state due to my problematic behavior

You never gave up on me even when I was unreasonable, crude, impatient, and rebellious Then you came into my life and accepted me with all my limitations and problems

I would also like to learn how to coach my team members to help them establish new habits I'm beginning to love this coaching process

Yes, I can certainly help you find a way to get certified as a professional coach Coach: I am so pleased to hear that

Henry: Okay Go ahead and just relax and visualize that

Yes, I can see my daughter Erica laughing with me and living a happy life Let me relax and close my eyes and begin to visualize

I will do it every day as a ritual after my prayers and before meals and continue doing so until the limiting belief stops limiting me I will start today itself

Yes, I would like to do that right now Could you visualize the benefits you will enjoy with a new empowering belief?

" Did he adjust the bill? Whatever you say goes

Yes, one of them did! He certainly did, and got quite a kick out of it, The bills ranged from $150 to $400 - but did the customer give himself the best of it?

I am afraid he put one over on you That's awful

Yes, she had told the truth, but few people like to listen to truths that reflect on their judgment " True?

I knew a woman who had been office manager for a large insurance concern for fifteen years 5

Yes, she read many of the same contracts over month after month, year after year Every month, she read all the insurance contracts her company had issued that month

Principle 8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle as well as your own - if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping - stones of your career

Yes? ~~~~~~~ 9 - What Everybody Wants Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively?

It wasn't difficult I once succumbed to the fad of fasting and went for six days and nights without eating

Yet I know, as you know, people who would think they had committed a crime if they let their families or employees go for six days without food; but they will let them go for six days, and six weeks, and sometimes sixty years without giving them the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food I was less hungry at the end of the sixth day than I was at the end of the second

' So the judge went in the house, typed out the pedigree and feeding instructions, and gave me a puppy worth several hundred dollars and one hour and fifteen minutes of his valuable time largely because I had expressed my honest admiration for his hobby and achievements I'll write it out

Yet in spite of all these tremendous accomplishments, he craved little recognitions even as you and I " George Eastman, of Kodak fame, invented the transparent film that made motion pictures possible, amassed a fortune of a hundred million dollars, and made himself one of the most famous businessmen on earth

In fact, this is a false fear Be Willing to Ask Most people don't ask for corrective feedback because they are afraid of what they are going to hear

You are better off knowing it than remaining ignorant of it The truth is the truth

I've made a study of taxation myself "I said, 'I suppose this is a very petty matter in comparison with the really important and difficult decisions you're required to make

You are getting yours from the firing line of experience But I've had to get my knowledge from books

You enjoy life , emphasizes that when you are fully engaged in what you are doing, your mind doesn't wander

You are intent only on what is happening at that moment And you are happier and more effective

Your energy has to synchronize with, or match the energy frequency of the sender It just won't happen

You are like a living magnet; you literally attract the things, people, ideas, and circumstances that vibrate and resonate at the same frequency as you do So you have to keep your vibration tuned to a positive frequency in order to attract positive energy back to you

15 What are you feeling in your heart right now?

You are totally relaxed and feel weightless Relax for a minute and visualize that you are floating on top of the water in a quiet pond

Result: They argued 4

You can answer that one yourself Did any of these methods reconcile the customer and settle the account?

The time available in a typical coaching conversation will usually not allow you to evaluate all ideas and options in great depth; furthermore, it would be a waste of time to do that After exploring a lot of ideas and options and listening for what is significant, it is necessary to identify the ones that are most important to your clients and would produce the best outcomes for them

You can identify their current status so as to be firmly grounded in the reality of where the client is versus where he or she wants to be Therefore, you need to work with your client on selecting the best ideas and then more thoroughly evaluating those

When she sat down in her seat inside the plane, she opened her handbag to get her glasses That was too much for her to swallow and she angrily stormed off to board her plane

You can imagine how ashamed and embarrassed she felt To her surprise and mortification, there was her packet of cookies, untouched and unopened

So figure it out for yourself " As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will

You can seldom have both Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person's good will?

—Steve Jobs OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 13 SETTING EFFECTIVE GOALS A goal properly set is halfway reached The vision pulls you

You can start by making an "I Want" list —Abraham Lincoln Create an "I Want" List During the initial process of goal-setting it is fine to have many different possible goals so that you will be able to choose from a range of options the goals that you most want to pursue

"The evening was very enjoyable with Rose happily counting the money, Jane supervising the teenagers, and me enjoying the concert I then suggested to Jane that she show two teenagers who had been assigned to refreshments how to operate the soda machine, and I asked her to be responsible for that part of the project

You can work magic with it almost every day " You don't have to wait until you are ambassador to France or chairman of the Clambake Committee of your lodge before you use this philosophy of appreciation

That's when people take full responsibility for their lives and the results they produce When this technique is applied consistently, people's imaginations, thought patterns, behaviors, achievements, and lives are transformed

You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself You must take personal responsibility

For it is those things - and only those things - that made him what he was You would then be precisely what he was - and where he was

You deserve very little credit for being what you are - and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren't rattlesnakes

] We desire to service our accounts with the last word on radio station information All this talk about your enormous success makes me feel small and unimportant

You desire [You desire!

11 I heard you describe how terrible things have been; how about describing what you would really prefer?

You find what you look for Andrew Matthews once said, "Look for reasons to be unhappy and you will find them, look for reasons to be happy and you will find them

They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner They are not interested in me

You have guessed it: it is the personal pronoun "I The New York Telephone Company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used

If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100 percent responsibility for your life as well This is not easy, and it's why coaching is so needed in our world

You have to stop blaming your life on outside circumstances That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reasons why you can't and why you haven't up until now

"What is it you want? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither " I snapped

I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes

You spilled things At breakfast I found fault, too

Second, I need help to ensure that the scorecards are well implemented for me and all my team members First, is to ensure that in the next two months I am certified and start training my team on the Ziglar's Sales System and Presentation Skills program

You want to be accountable for these two important goals, so who else can help you with this? Coach: Excellent point

18 How often will you do this?

Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Many of us have beliefs that limit our success—whether they are beliefs about our own capabilities, beliefs about what it takes to succeed, beliefs about how we should relate with other people, or even common myths that modern-day science or studies have long since refuted What support structures will you need to remind yourself to do this?

Hence it is of the very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it

Overstreet, lnfluencing Humun Behavior (New York: Norton, 1925) ---- [*] Harry A

The New York Public Library has its Astor and Lenox collections Libraries and museums owe their richest collections to people who cannot bear to think that their names might perish from the memory of the race

P The Metropolitan Museum perpetuates the names of Benjamin Altman and J

It is this desire that lures many boys and girls into joining gangs and engaging in criminal activities This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children

P The average young criminal, according to E

Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy

Pamela Dunham of New Fairfield, Connecticut, had among her responsibilities on her job the supervision of a janitor who was doing a very poor job You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit

He bought I didn't have to sell him

Paul M " Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well

Use the term "action steps to achieve your goals This ensures that they take active responsibility and ownership instead of shifting the responsibility to you

People feel more empowered to take action when they have been responsible for creating their own "action steps " Avoid the words "assignment" or "homework," as it suggests that you have given them a task and are telling them what they should do

They need their coach to help them simplify and prioritize things so that they are able to make better decisions 2

People require support in making the best choice among all the alternatives 3

For every reason why it's not possible, there are a dozen people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded Jackie Chan would never have become a world famous movie star, Bill Gates would never have founded Microsoft, Steve Jobs would never have started Apple Computers, and Nelson Mandela would never have been given the Nobel Peace Prize

People think limiting thoughts and engage in self-defeating behaviors People stop themselves from achieving!

What Are You Good At? In the case of Henry, we see how facing and changing his limiting habit of scolding and attacking people's characters eventually transformed him into a better leader and a better father, significantly impacted the sales results he achieved with his team, and made him a much happier person

People's failures have a pattern; therefore it can be studied and understood and then consciously not repeated when people become aware of how to avoid it Apart from working with people on areas for improvement, another very important role of a coach is to help people become aware of their core strengths and how to engage in what they are really good at

A lot of people still do not understand and appreciate, let alone use, the power of simplicity " How true!

Perhaps they get lost in the details and do not know how to think simple Perhaps they think that complex things are more impressive as they are more difficult

As Shakespeare put it: " " And the pathetic part of it is that frequently those who have the least justification for a feeling of achievement bolster up their egos by a show of tumult and conceit which is truly nauseating

Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven/As make the angels weep man, proud man,/Drest in a little brief authority,/

8 What images did you visualize in your head at that time?

Please tell me more Was there any gut reaction to this incident?

) 2 (Work, financial, relationships, health, fun, personal and service

Please write them down as specific goals for each area Considering your desire for work-life balance, what would you most like to experience or achieve in all the different areas of your life?

This kind of big-picture-to-detail planning is essential in helping us to organize and visualize all the information and track every important aspect of achieving a goal When a task is completed, the notes can also be easily removed

Practice the Rule of 5 Ron Scolastico, a wonderful teacher, once told us, "If you would go every day to a very large tree and take five swings at it with a very sharp axe, eventually, no matter how large the tree, it would have to come down You can also do the "sticky note" format on a whiteboard, where clients can see and visualize their goals, or even in their personal notebooks

True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms It ought to fail and it usually does

Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli confessed that he put it on thick in dealing with the Queen Even Queen Victoria was susceptible to flattery

Principle 2 - Smile ~~~~ In a Nutshell - Six Ways To Make People Like You Principle 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people

Principle 4 - Be a good listener Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

" You have your nerve! ["Preferred list

] A prompt acknowledgment of this letter, giving us your latest "doings," will be mutually helpful You make me feel insignificant by your big talk about your company - nd then you ask me to put you on a "preferred" list, and you don't even say "please" when you ask it

When asked what reward he got from it, Mr Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle

Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone

'Self-pity' for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measure, practically a universal practice show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations

Principle 9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires " So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice

Let's take the case of a Connecticut attorney (because of his relatives he prefers not to have his name mentioned) " I am going to tell you how business people in my own courses have applied these principles with remarkable results

R----- drove to Long Island with his wife to visit some of her relatives Shortly after joining the course, Mr

It was so bad, productive time was being lost in the shop The other employees would jeer at him and litter the hallways to show him what a bad job he was doing

She noticed that occasionally he did a particularly good piece of work Without success, Pam tried various ways to motivate this person

Because your brain tries to make sense of the word, it completes the letters to produce familiar words Then your brain fills in the missing pieces

She shares the example of a client who says, "I feel stupid that I lost my job Advice for Coaches In her article, "How to Avoid the Five Sins of Life Coaching," Julie Melillo identified "Never jump to conclusions" as one of the sins a coach should be beware of committing

She asked me whether I would have dinner with her She told me how lonely she was, having to work that day and not being able to be with her family

She talked to me and tried to calm my fears She brought two trays of food: sliced turkey, mashed a potatoes, cranberry sauce and ice cream for dessert

I would have pointed out that if he moved, the full balance of his rent would fall due at once - and that I could, and would, move to collect "Now, ordinarily, I would have waded into that tenant and advised him to read his lease again

So I started like this: 'Mr "However, instead of flying off the handle and making a scene, I decided to try other tactics

A man up in the beautiful Canadian province of New Brunswick used this technique on me and won my patronage So let's use Colonel House's technique

So I wrote the tourist bureau for information I was planning at the time to do some fishing and canoeing in New Brunswick

Bedford, lost a million dollars for the firm by a bad buy in South America, John D For example, when one of his partners, Edward T

So Rockefeller found something to praise; he congratulated Bedford because he had been able to save 60 percent of the money he had invested might have criticized; but he knew Bedford had done his best - and the incident was closed

Henry: All right, let me do that part by part Coach: Would you like to list the things you would need to do to achieve your goal based on what you have identified so far?

So from now on, I will use the "humor pattern" to interrupt my terrible "sadistic pattern Part one of my strategy to reach my breakthrough goal is to transform myself

One of the finest things I know about Ben Franklin is the way he accepted that smarting rebuke So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is very little

So he made a right-about-face He was big enough and wise enough to realize that it was true, to sense that he was headed for failure and social disaster

It was absurd Yet that was precisely what that father had expected

So he said to himself: "What does that boy want? He finally saw that

Most of them were paying their tuition on the installment plan Many of them hadn't seen the inside of a classroom in thirty years

So he was forced to be swift and practical They wanted results and they wanted them quick - results that they could use the next day in business interviews and in speaking before groups

At any one time, there are about eight million bits of information streaming into your brain—most of which you cannot attend to, nor do you need to Let's take a closer look at how the RAS works

So how does your RAS know what to let in and what to filter out? So your brain's RAS filters most of them out, letting into your awareness only those signals that can help you survive and achieve your most important goals

It is dangerous But don't

So listen patiently and with an open mind They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression

" she asked "Yes, but how would I distinguish myself as an expert?

So she went out to the marketplace and asked, "If you could lose weight in only one part of your body, which part would you choose? Ask other women, said the feedback

Twenty-five centuries ago, Lao-tse, a Chinese sage, said some things that readers of this book might use today: " The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them That organization won

So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams

They liked that So we enclosed a list of questions for them to answer about themselves and their methods of work

So they left their homes and traveled to Brooklyn to give us a helping hand Who wouldn't like it?

" In bitter disappointment, Lincoln sat down and wrote Meade this letter If I had gone up there, I could have whipped him myself

So this letter coming from Lincoln in 1863 was tantamount to the severest rebuke And remember, at this period of his life Lincoln was extremely conservative and restrained in his phraseology

3 They made it very plain that the company was absolutely and unconditionally right; therefore he, the customer, was absolutely and unconditionally wrong

So what was the argument about? They intimated that they, the company, knew more about automobiles than he could ever hope to know

Our subsequent clearances of station time have kept us at the top of agencies year after year ] This agency's national advertising accounts were the bulwark of the network

So what? [You are big and rich and right at the top, are you?

" There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves He is the one who has been betrayed and led to the slaughter and crucified

So when you and I are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, let's remember Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley and Albert Fall We are all like that

' " That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy So I asked myself, 'What is there about him that I can honestly admire?

So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm: "I certainly wish I had your head of hair I instantly saw something I admired no end

" That is why dogs make such a hit I am glad to see you

So, naturally, we are glad to see them They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins

There is no class in school devoted to teaching us to become better listeners But very few of us have been trained to listen

So, what does listening mean? Listening has become the forgotten skill

The next time I was in Philadelphia, I called her on the telephone " So, I determined to sympathize with her viewpoint

So-and-So, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it The conversation went something like this: ME: Mrs

"He seemed to feel easier after that talk," the old friend said That seemed to clarify his mind

That's what we all want when we are in trouble Lincoln hadn't wanted advice, He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself

If you were an independent sales professional and knew you could get a better territory, a substantial bonus commission, and maybe even a promotion once you landed a certain number of customers, wouldn't you work day and night to achieve that goal? Wouldn't that be something to focus on each day until you achieved it?

That's what we mean by a breakthrough goal—something that changes your life, brings you new opportunities, gets you in front of the right people, and takes every activity, relationship, or group you're involved in to a higher level If you were a stay-at-home mom whose entire lifestyle and finances would change if you earned an extra $1,000 a month through participating in a network marketing company, wouldn't you pursue every possible opportunity until you achieved that goal?

Steil, former president of the American Listening Association, refers to this as "cathartic communication Lyman S

Truly empathic people suspend evaluation and criticism when they listen to others " He says this kind of communication "requires caring, concerned risk taking and nonjudgmental listening

" You don't feel like smiling? I am a totally different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness - the only things that matter much after all

Two things Then what?

What does this mean? "Great God!

Under the circumstances, almost any general could have defeated Lee We had them within our grasp, and had only to stretch forth our hands and they were ours; yet nothing that I could say or do could make the army move

They are fond of giving excuses for why things cannot be done and are good at justifying why they are not responsible for their own failures They frequently blame others as well as outside factors for their lack of progress

Unfortunately there are many such people around Does this sound familiar?

" No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-thing or told to do a thing Consulting them about their wishes and desires was just the shot in the arm they needed

We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas

If you could, how would you use your strengths, talents, and passion to change the world? 12

What difference could you make in your community? 13

You resisted the temptation of telling me what to do and refrained from giving me advice even when I tried to coerce you You rose to every challenge and you were strong for me when I was weak inside

You helped me find ownership in my goals and dreams, and allowed me to find my own solutions as you guided me to put them into action You motivated and empowered me to take charge of my own growth and you influenced me to act willingly rather than using your position to force me to improve

ME: I am a stranger to you SHE: (in incisive, cultured, well-bred tones): To whom have I the honor of speaking?

You listened to a broadcast I gave about Louisa May Alcott a few Sundays ago, and I made the unforgivable blunder of saying that she had lived in Concord, New Hampshire My name is Dale Carnegie

According to Dr By setting a scorecard, they will be able to keep track of their goals and achievements in an organized way

You may be working hard but you don't really know how you are doing John Maxwell, "Competing without a scoreboard is like bowling without pins

" A "No" response, according to Professor Overstreet, (*) is a most difficult handicap to overcome Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying "No

You may later feel that the "No" was ill-advised; nevertheless, there is your precious pride to consider! When you have said "No," all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself

Your brain compares this part to its memory of the relevant letters and tries to figure out what the covered-up part might look like If the black bar is removed, you will see the following: IUMRING TO GONGIUSIONS In this exercise, you only see part of each letter

What word could have all these letters? Your brain looks for a pattern

Looking at all the facts of the situation, what aspects really stand out as "red flags? 17

What would be your greatest strength to focus on? " 18

Henry: It will show our breakthrough goal, the latest score updated each week, the difference between the latest score and the breakthrough goal, and the time period indicated Coach: What will the first scorecard look like?

What would the other two scorecards look like? Coach: That's a good one

" But Disraeli was one of the most polished, deft and adroit men who ever ruled the far-flung British Empire To use his exact words, he said he "spread it on with a trowel

What would work for him wouldn't necessarily work for you and me He was a genius in his line

What have others always said that you are good at? 10

What would you change in the world if you could? 11

Coach: I have to say, I am impressed with your progress Henry: Looking at the positive side, I have implemented the strategies and most of the action steps that I wanted to be held accountable for

What would you say were your most satisfying accomplishments in the past two weeks? I admire your commitment

What would be your number one area for improvement? 19

What's the greatest opportunity here? 20

How can you do better next time based on what you have learned from this experience? 3

What's the main teaching you picked up from here that you would like to share with others? 4

What's your decision on things that you could stop doing? 17

What's your conclusion on the strategies that you must adopt to realize your goal? 18

What's your decision on things that you could keep doing? 15

What's your decision on things that you could start doing? 16

Keep your clients accountable for doing the things that are important in their life that for some reason they keep procrastinating Then come up with action steps and schedules to put these steps into practice

What's your ideal vision of what you want to achieve in all the different areas of your life? Achievers Coaching Questions for Vision and Work-Life Balance 1

Coach: Wow! I look in the mirror and smile to myself, saying that I have been transformed and become a much better and happier person

What's your level of motivation and commitment toward achieving this breakthrough goal? That sounds exciting

Why not study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known? --------------------------------- Part Two - Ways To Make People Like You 1 Do This And You'll Be Welcome Anywhere Why read this book to find out how to win friends?

You may meet him tomorrow coming down the street Who is he?

That will make them want to strike back For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect

You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings But it will never make them want to change their minds

It would teach me a lot I sometime wish I had a job like yours

"Well ' I meant every word I said

2 What is the date and time by which you will commit to reaching this goal?

3 When will you start on this project?

26 What new ideas would you create?

What would you do? Put yourself in the shoes of an innovator like Thomas Edison

Two thousand years ago, Jesus said: "Agree with thine adversary quickly " By the way, I am not revealing anything new in this chapter

"Be diplomatic," counseled the King " And 2,200 years before Christ was born, King Akhtoi of Egypt gave his son some shrewd advice - advice that is sorely needed today

" I " "I

"I " It was used 3,900 times in 500 telephone conversations

Zerega's Sons, Inc Edward Vermylen % A

Brooklyn, N 28 Front St

Clearer brain Keener edge to the appetite

Games Fun

I must apologize I lost my temper

No! ME: No!

Hurry up Wait

Run Call me

Life in the hereafter 5

Sexual gratification 6

Eat Wash your hands

Take this Finish your food

What accountability questions would you like this person to ask you? What would you want from this person?

The best form of accountability is voluntary and not inflicted When and how often would you need to check in with this person?

No , From Sears, Roebuck?

You're wrong No

" retorted the inspector "Bad debt, my eye !

" "This inspector was cold, arrogant and stubborn," Mr "It must be taxed

B G

, a representative of one manufacturer, arrived in town with a severe attack of laryngitis R

I'm going to give it to you I wouldn't dream of selling it

" He tried to get out of accepting the car, but he couldn't without hurting her feelings You appreciate beautiful things

You warned me last week that if I brought the dog out here again without a muzzle you would fine me I have no alibis, no excuses

"I know it's a temptation to let a little dog like that have a run out here when nobody is around " "Well, now," the policeman responded in a soft tone

' I am still a member of this organization, and, so far as I know, I'm the only member in the world today besides Mr He called it the 'Telephone Subscribers' Protective Association

"I listened and sympathized with him on every point that he made during these interviews ----

I assured him we would wipe the charge off the books and forget it, because he was a very careful man with only one account to look after, while our clerks had to look after thousands I think he was a trifle disappointed, because he had come to Chicago to tell me a thing or two, but here I was thanking him instead of scrapping with him

"I told him that I understood exactly how he felt and that, if I were in his shoes, I should undoubtedly feel precisely as he did Therefore, he was less likely to be wrong than we were

"This man owed us a small sum of money," Mr Detmer, founder of the Detmer Woolen Company, which later became the world's largest distributor of woolens to the tailoring trade

"The customer denied it, but we knew he was wrong Detmer explained to me

He knew that an entrepreneur couldn't handle artists that way Oh, no

"What a pity, " he would mourn So he would rush over to Chaliapin's hotel, dripping with sympathy

" 'Don't you think,' I continued, 'that it would be a good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that, in the event of your death, we could carry out your wishes without error or delay? ' " 'Yes, of course,' he replied

' "The young man's attitude softened and changed when he realized that we weren't asking for this information for our sake but for his sake ' "Again he said, 'Yes

"I entered his huge and impressive office determined not to ask directly for a job Funkhouser

' I said, 'Mr He was seated behind a large carved desk and thundered at me, 'How about it, young man?

"I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn't lost my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole proposition "As a result of this unique conference, I was awarded the contract, which called for over half a million yards of upholstery fabrics at an aggregate value of $1,600,000 -the biggest order I had ever received

' Letting the other person do the talking helps in family situations as well as in business I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking

Finally, he looked at me and said, 'Okay, it was your fault But each time I reiterated it was my fault

' The error was corrected and nobody got into trouble Now straighten it out

Henry: Let me think Is there anything that could prevent you and your team from achieving the breakthrough goal?

(Laughter from Henry and his coach Can I ask the Ben Franklin in me?

Rockefeller said that "the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee In the heyday of his activity, John D

, "than for any other under the sun " "And I will pay more for that ability," said John D

Three hundred percent! Suppose I had done the human, natural thing; suppose I had stormed into his office and said, "What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets have been printed and the announcements made?

Absurd! Ridiculous!

And he was wearing pajamas now like a little man He and he alone had bought it

And he did He wanted to act like a man

Strikers had been shot, their bodies riddled with bullets Blood had been shed

And he did it At a time like that, with the air seething with hatred, Rockefeller wanted to win the strikers to his way of thinking

His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and I must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never even dreamed of He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds of communities

As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put his arm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, and asked me to stop in and see him again and let him know how I made out He changed my whole mental attitude

He wanted a feeling of importance; and as long as Mr " This tax inspector was demonstrating one of the most common of human frailties

But as soon as his importance was admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted to expand his ego, he became a sympathetic and kindly human being Parsons argued with him, he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority

Then what? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis

But what about him? You will feel fine

(pause for 10 seconds) Yes, I got it Let me think

Coach: Fantastic, I am confident that you will beat this I will ask my assistant manager or admin assistant whenever she is not around, since I know that in the next two to three months I'll still need support to totally absorb my new habit

" It's killing me I'll just call this the "sadistic pattern

Coach: I believe you It's worse than cancer!

We have not "changed" How to Win Friends and Influence People except to make a few excisions and add a few more contemporary examples Our purpose, therefore, in this revision is to clarify and strengthen the book for a modern reader without tampering with the content

Dale Carnegie wrote as he spoke, in an intensively exuberant, colloquial, conversational manner The brash, breezy Carnegie style is intact-even the thirties slang is still there

He did something that only a handful of men in all history have been able to do: he sharply changed the whole course of human thought; and now, twenty-four centuries after his death, he is honored as one of the wisest persuaders who ever influenced this wrangling world " Socrates, "the gadfly of Athens," was one of the greatest philosophers the world has ever known

Did he tell people they were wrong? His method?

Is this truly your heart's desire? 3

Does your dream compel you to follow it? 4

But he was "right He ended up with two divorces, kids who didn't want to speak to him, and two bankrupt businesses

Don't let yourself or your clients get caught in this trap " So be it, but was it really worth it?

My boss has had more respect for me ever since I felt great because I was able to handle a tense situation and had the courage not to seek alibis

For example, one of the most beautiful things that history records about Robert E " Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes

It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy It depends on inner conditions

For example, two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige - and yet one may be miserable and the other happy It is what you think about it

First, he had the ability to put his personality across the footlights But he had two things that the others didn't have

He knew human nature He was a master showman

I have often left his office in disgust, not because of the criticism, but because of his method of attack I knew one art director in particular who was always delighted to find fault with some little thing

He said something was wrong Recently I delivered a rush job to this editor, and he phoned me to call at his office immediately

s as well as of the American Bankers' Association and the National Credit Men's Association A

He said that if you hit the most ignorant man in town on the jaw and knock him down, he would get on his feet and talk with an eloquence, heat and emphasis that would have rivaled that world famous orator William Jennings Bryan at the height of his career Dale Carnegie claimed that all people can talk when they get mad

Remember: "First, arouse in the other person an eager want They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it

He who cannot walks a lonely way He who can do this has the whole world with him

I would be hurting my family and the pain would be too much to bear Erika's future would be jeopardized

Henry: I am fully aware now that I must change! Coach: What are your thoughts about change?

Coach: I am with you all the way I need help

Henry: I would rather feel good about myself and others while having others feel good about themselves and about me too What would you rather have?

Coach: Good Henry: Well, for one thing, I feel that your constant support, encouragement and belief in me are definitely helping me

Henry: In regard to your question, can I try and think like another wise person? I am happy to do this, and I'm glad its helping you

Coach: Very good I'll pass the task of calling the people at Ziglar to my training manager

Henry: In the last two weeks, I noted at least five times when I felt depressed after problems emerged What's the second area?

Would you like me to enter this into my calendar program? Coach: Great

Henry: That would be fantastic That way reminders will be automatically sent to you and me when a progress report is due

Coach: That sounds wonderful I'd like to get everyone to work together in a team to focus on their strengths and also focus on mutually coming up with solutions rather than just focusing on problems and mistakes

Henry: Yes; earlier you mentioned that it takes time to establish a new habit Anything else?

It was this desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk to study some law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household plunder that he had bought for fifty cents Without it, we should have been just about like animals

His name was Lincoln You have probably heard of this grocery clerk

Note how it fairly glows with friendliness The opening of that remarkable speech follows

His speech was radiant with such phrases as I am proud to be here, having visited in your homes, met many of your wives and children, we meet here not as strangers, but as friends Rockefeller, remember, was talking to men who, a few days previously, had wanted to hang him by the neck to a sour apple tree; yet he couldn't have been more gracious, more friendly if he had addressed a group of medical missionaries

What are all the things that could possibly go wrong? 12

How can you leverage all your strengths? 13

Henry: Definitely Would you please put them all together in one list indicating the timeline and status of each task and e-mail them to me by tomorrow morning?

I am highly motivated about what this is going to produce for me, my family, and my team I'll send this to you first thing tomorrow morning

Coach: Very glad to hear that I'm excited to talk to you again

I am keen to know more I have looked through the progress report that you sent yesterday and from our fifteen-minute conversation last week, I gather that you are making considerable progress

I am a magnet to wealth and abundance, and I share that with others 5

I am so grateful for my loving family and team members 6

That doesn't fool anybody No

I am talking about a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace We know it is mechanical and we resent it

I look forward to learning more ways of doing this activity better 8

I constantly look forward to engaging in this type of activity 9

Yes? Tell me, did you visit the big-game country?

I envy you How fortunate

Isn't that so? You must have motors that won't run any hotter than standards set by the National Electrical Manufacturers Association

I had gotten my first 'yes ' "He agreed it was

"He raved on and I listened for nearlv three hours," the "troubleshooter" said as he related his experiences before one of the author's classes The telephone representative listened and said "yes" and sympathized with his grievance

I interviewed him four times, and before the fourth visit was over I had become a charter member of an organization he was starting "Then I went back and listened some more

If these proved to be all right, an order for several hundred more would follow Finally, after thirteen years of calls and sales talk, we sold him a few motors

I knew they would be all right Such was my expectation, "Right?

Coach: Do you feel as if you are accountable to complete most of the tasks on your own, or can you get some help to handle things like this? I will keep this on the list for the next two weeks

I need to delegate some tasks so I can accomplish more Henry: You're right

After getting a number of letters from our credit department, he packed his grip, made a trip to Chicago, and hurried into my office to inform me not only that he was not going to pay that bill, but that he was never going to buy another dollar's worth of goods from the Detmer Woolen Company So our credit department had insisted that he pay

I was tempted to interrupt, but I realized that would be bad policy, So I let him talk himself out "I listened patiently to all he had to say

One scorecard will show action steps pending and in progress, with a target date for all of them Henry: For my team members, they will each have their targets that align with the overall breakthrough goal and a list of action items updated weekly

I will review each team member's scorecard and plan with them at the beginning of each week Another scorecard will show items accomplished, with date of completion

We then get off the subject of Whose-It and I begin to talk about the good points of the White truck He can't keep on all afternoon saying, 'It's the best' when I'm agreeing with him

I would start arguing against the Whose-It; and the more I argued against it, the more my prospect argued in favor of it; and the more he argued, the more he sold himself on my competitor's product "There was a time when a remark like his first one would have made me see scarlet and red and orange

" I'll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: "Many people have admired my hair

I'll bet he looked in the mirror and said: "It is a beautiful head of hair I'll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it

Referring to your victory log keeps you focused on your successes This undermines their self-confidence and feeds their fear that they will fail again

If you want, you can also embellish it like a scrapbook with photos, certificates, memos, and other reminders of your success Start your own victory log as soon as possible

We have also witnessed whole organizations turn around, creating a culture of coaching and leadership excellence People who were once unhappy became joyful, poor leaders turned into great leaders, destructive habits were replaced with empowering habits, lives of emptiness transformed into lives of fulfillment, and much, much more

In addition to transforming people and organizations, we believe that with coaching we can also impact our community at large and make the world a much better place Leaders who are effective coaches are able to fulfill their three key responsibilities, which are to establish good relationships, ensure performance, and grow their people to enable sustainable growth

6 What would it take for you to press on until this dream is fulfilled?

In what way is this statement relevant to you? Napoleon Hill once said that winners never quit and quitters never win

Regard this as a working handbook on human relations; and whenever you are confronted with some specific problem - such as handling a child, winning your spouse to your way of thinking, or satisfying an irritated customer - hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing So refer to these pages often

Instead, turn to these pages and review the paragraphs you have underscored This is usually wrong

Do you see them as works in progress and believe that your job is to help them succeed on their own? When you listen to your clients, do you see them as an "A" (Outstanding) or as an "F" (Failing) or incomplete?

Let's not judge our clients or impose our values, opinions, and prejudices on them Or do you think that there's something wrong with them and it's your role to fix them?

Improve Your Listening Skills If listening is so important for a great leader such as Abraham Lincoln, how then can you emulate him and become a more effective listener? Their "coaches" did not apply the higher levels of listening needed in a true coaching interaction

Listen from the first sentence In his article, "The Power of Active Listening," author and consultant Bill Brooks advises his readers to open their mind, ears, and heart and switch off all negative thoughts and feelings about the person; be receptive to the messages he or she is giving

Becoming an effective coach requires an extraordinary ability to listen We can repeat back to them what we think they are feeling as well as what they are saying

Listening to these people affirms and encourages them to articulate their thoughts and emotions What prevents most people from moving forward in their lives is a lack of confidence in their own ideas and their ability to express in words what they think and feel

Anderson a suitable job Anderson won by her letter in that the bank obtained a valuable employee and Mrs

Lucas, both gained through this transaction And in the example of John's sale of insurance to Mr

M Even though she was scheduled to go off duty at 4 P

M , she stayed on her own time until almost 11 P

Wolf - I will be able to see you on __________ a t __________A The form letter read as follows: Ms

M M/P

I was really quite distressed to hear you say that Miss Alcott had lived in New Hampshire My family has been prominent in Massachusetts affairs for two centuries, and I am very proud of my native state

ME: I assure you that you were not one-tenth as distressed as I am But I am really ashamed of that letter

Don't be too attached to your intuition, no matter how certain you feel; always be ready to let it go That is when you should contuinue asking great questions; at the same time let your client take your intuition and apply it to her situation to see if it is useful to her

Malcolm Gladwell asserts that when we allow our unconscious prejudices and biases to circumvent the "blink" process, our more considered judgments are often inaccurate It could very well be that your intuition is inaccurate or does not apply to your client

It conveyed the facts more vividly, more interestingly, more impressively, than pages of figures and mere talk could have done The printing of that book dramatized the fact that the Bulletin carried an enormous amount of interesting reading matter

Merely stating a truth isn't enough This is the day of dramatization

He was hostile, gloating over his chance to criticize When I arrived, I found just what I had anticipated - and dreaded

My opportunity had come to apply the self-criticism I had been studying about He demanded with heat why I had done so and so

Norris threaten Babette? ' " Did Mrs

No, she did not Did she say she would refuse to teach a student with long fingernails?

There are more patients suffering from mental diseases in the United States than from all other diseases combined " Some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find, in the dreamland of insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality

Nobody can answer such a sweeping question, but we know that certain diseases, such as syphilis, break down and destroy the brain cells and result in insanity What is the cause of insanity?

No Because Schwab was a genius?

Nonsense Because he knew more about the manufacture of steel than other people?

How do you feel about it? Coach: Well, congratulations on your success with this significant step

Now I feel better and am more prepared to face change, since I am no longer in a state of denial Henry: At the beginning, I was sensitive about what many of them said about me, but since I was the one who asked for feedback, and since I have now adopted the phrase "Feedback is the breakfast for champions," I swallowed the pill

As they talked, he wrote their ideas on the blackboard Calling a sales meeting, he urged his people to tell him exactly what they expected from him

Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you He then said: "I'll give you all these qualities you expect from me

What did you do? What happened?

Now imagine clearly using all your senses, each step of the way back to the present 3

' " Did House interrupt him and say, "That's not your idea But several days later, at the dinner table, I was amazed to hear him trot out my suggestion as his own

Oh, no That's mine" ?

I need all the encouragement and motivation that I can get to be on top of this problem To be honest I expected more concrete ideas and suggestions from this session

One of the leadership gurus that I admire most is Ken Blanchard Coach: I appreciate your open feedback

Whatever the reason, simplicity clears the unnecessary and helps people see things from a clearer perspective and to focus on the more important things in life Perhaps they want to avoid seeing the reality and live complex lives in denial or out of fear

One of the very important roles of a coach is to help people to see through the fog that makes it hard for them to see things objectively, missing out on solutions and resources that are at their disposal Bottom-lining How do we capitalize on the power of simplicity in coaching?

This approach may be more time-consuming than giving orders, but is also much more satisfying to both the employee and the manager acting as a coach Moreover, by following this strategy you obtain a much deeper commitment than mere compliance

Over the years, we've been taught to read, speak, and write For a lot of people, this is very difficult

In a Nutshell Fundamental Techniques In Handling People Principle 1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain " Principle 3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want

Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation

Eventually he used his intuition to accurately identify a limiting belief that revealed that due to the failures in her many past relationships, Françoise did not trust others The coach continued to ask great questions and listened deeply

Realizing this limitation allowed Françoise to work with her coach to release this pattern of distrust and eventually helped her to establish one of the strongest networks of partners in Paris That had seriously offended most of the people with whom she partnered

In the process of focusing on goals and dreams as the main theme in coaching, people are more willing to deal with the roadblocks and problems that stand in the way of achieving their passionate goals Coaching works best by focusing people on the positive emotional attractors of goals and dreams rather than on negative emotional attractors such as correcting what is wrong in people

Remember that effective coaching takes place in the domain of achievement, not in the domain of therapy People will change when they are ready and willing and when they have a strong enough motivation to do so

That is not strange, Almost everyone considers himself important, very important Rossetti considered himself important

Ronald J The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important

php OceanofPDF.com ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTING AUTHORS Angelina Cheong is the Group CEO of WIN World Group Peter Chee and his organization, please visit: www.itdworld.com www.itdworld.com/drpeterchee

She is a mentor coach and expert in marketing and brand-building strategies She is a global marketing and branding communications expert with over 20 years of experience

He is a strict disciplinarian When Adamson arrived, the architect said: "I know you want to get this order, but I can tell you right now that you won't stand a ghost of a show if you take more than five minutes of George Eastman's time

So tell your story quickly and get out He is very busy

And he knew his landlord was hard-boiled Straub, an engineer, wanted to get his rent reduced

Straub said in a speech before the class, "notifying him that I was vacating my apartment as soon as my lease expired "I wrote him," Mr

He knew far more about handling human nature than the others did One manufacturer, however, was more skillful

The first shipment of these machines has just arrived at our office He wrote a letter something like this: Our factory has recently completed a new line of X-ray equipment

COACH Dear Henry, Thank you for your heartwarming letters that capture the defining moments we had together Two of the following letters between Henry and his coach depict a most touching conclusion of this powerful coaching relationship

The path we traveled together enriched me tremendously and the challenges faced brought out the best in me as a coach I feel deeply fulfilled when I know that my opportunity to take this journey with you made a meaningful impact in your life

To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people

Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother's frantic letters

We experience clarity of thought and happy stressfree living We can relax for a while and enjoy life without feeling guilty that we should be doing something else

There is never any justification for things being complex when they could be simple As Edward de Bono, author, inventor, and consultant, said, "Dealing with complexity is an inefficient and unnecessary waste of time, attention, and mental energy

McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile Professor James V

There's far more information in a smile than a frown "People who smile," he said, "tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children

Coach: What other critical incidents of this nature can you recall? I felt better after I released my emotions, and I think I did the right thing to correct him

These sales people seem to be problem creators Henry: There are so many incidents

The people you coach are happy and satisfied with their decisions and are ready to plan out their action steps (shift to the Action Paradigm) Shift out of the Decision Paradigm When 1

They cannot decide because their goals are not clear or not compelling enough (shift to the Goals Paradigm) 2

I will add this as another one of my important action items Then you'll get my fully updated scorecard a day before each coaching session

This will serve as a guide to show how close or far they are from accomplishing their goal, what steps are to be taken, and what has already been accomplished In the process of coaching, we need to help our clients create and use a scorecard

The manager investigated these defaulting clients and discovered that they all had the reputation of paying their bills promptly, Something was wrong here - something was drastically wrong about the method of collection At this stage of affairs, the credit manager was about to open fire with a battery of legal talent, when fortunately the matter came to the attention of the general manager

Thomas and told him to collect these "uncollectible" accounts So he called in James L

23 Who are all the people who might be able to help you?

What impact would it have on them? How will this affect others?

Who are the people that will celebrate with you? 6

What would be some of your most meaningful achievements so far? 7

This increases the client's emotional awareness and allows her to talk about and release any psychological pain that has been building up within her You ask questions to get the client to articulate her feelings and emotions related to issues she is facing

While you are doing this, it is important that you yourself stay resilient and not to let the client's problems pull you down In this way, you are lightening her burden and uplifting her spirits

' " After 150 failures, Wesson realized he must be in a mental rut, so he resolved to devote one evening a week to the study of influencing human behavior, to help him develop new ideas and generate new enthusiasm He always looked over my sketches very carefully and then said: 'No, Wesson, I guess we don't get together today

With half a dozen unfinished artists' sketches under his arm, he rushed over to the buyer's office He decided on this new approach

Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs Remember, there is no other way

You can make a child do what you want it to do by a whip or a threat YOU can make your employees give you cooperation - until your back is turned - by threatening to fire them

It's like transmitting and receiving radio waves If love and joy are what you want to attract, then the emotional energy of love and joy are what you want to create

You can't close your eyes, spin your FM dial, and expect to land on the station you're looking for Your frequency has to match the frequency of what you want to receive

" Did he talk about anything you want? I want to play basketball

You don't care about what he wants You don't want to go to a gymnasium that no one else goes to, do you?

Why didn't you begin your letter with - but what's the use? [Finally, down here in the postscript, you mention something that may help me solve one of my problems

You don't need a letter giving our latest doings Any advertising man who is guilty of perpetrating such drivel as you have sent me has something wrong with his medulla oblongata

Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one J

You don't need to emphasize that The person himself will think of the real reason

Next he was begging to participate Soon Tim was peeping around the corner

You have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint 'Oh, no!

It is so seldom that people of your standing and culture take the time to write people who speak on the radio, and I do hope you will write me again if you detect an error in my talks My error didn't hurt Massachusetts, but it did hurt me

You must be a very nice person SHE: You know, I really like very much the way you have accepted my criticism

You want a feeling that you are important in your little world You want recognition of your true worth

You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, "hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation

Wrong: I am maintaining my perfect body weight of 138 pounds Some commonly used words are enjoying, joyfully, happily, celebrating, proudly, calmly, peacefully, delighted, enthusiastic, lovingly, secure, serenely, and triumphant

or I am proudly looking at my weight of 138 pounds on my scale Right: I am feeling agile and great at 138!

" The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and "even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies

pedigreed white - faced cattle To illustrate: When I was a farm boy out in Missouri, my father bred fine Duroc-Jersey hogs and

This accountability stuff's really helping me Henry: Thanks

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 30 Acknowledge Efforts and Progress When we sow the seeds of recognition and appreciation, we reap greater accomplishments from people Coaching breeds accountability and accountability breeds accomplishments

" That is what Schwab did If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise

The exact opposite But what do average people do?

What was your instinctive inclination in responding to this issue? 9

How did you respond? 10

What would you do? Imagine you are in that state now

Shall we explore further? 36

A member of one of our classes told of a request made by his wife We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them

She asked her husband to help her by listing six things he believed she could do to help her become a better wife She and a group of other women in her church were involved in a self-improvement program

Based on the analysis done in the last session, Vladimir worked with his coach to decide on three of the most important strategies to enhance the safety of the employees working in the facility Therefore, for this session they went straight into the Decision Paradigm

She merely asked great questions to facilitate the process for him, to help him make the best possible decisions for his organization The coach never made any decisions, nor did she attempt to influence Vladimir into making any

2 Which is the most important thing that you need to get done first?

3 What are your top three priorities in order to achieve your goals?

The point on which I went to see him was not even mentioned on the first visit, nor was it mentioned on the second or third, but upon the fourth interview, I closed the case completely, he paid all his bills in full, and for the first time in the history of his difficulties with the telephone company he voluntarily withdrew his complaints from the Public Service Commission He had never had a telephone representative talk with him that way before, and he became almost friendly

----- had considered himself a holy crusader, defending the public rights against callous exploitation " Doubtless Mr

Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests Encourage others to talk about themselves

--------------------------------------- Part Three - How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 1 You Can't Win An Argument Shortly after the close of World War I, I learned an invaluable lesson one night in London Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely

fahmy OceanofPDF.com

0 Format : Text with cover pictures How To Win Friends And Influence People By Dale Carnegie -------------- Copyright - 1936 / 1964 / 1981 (Revised Edition) Library of Congress Catalog Number - 17-19-20-18 ISBN - O-671-42517-X Scan Version : v 1

9 What thoughts and emotions does that evoke?

10 How do you feel about it?

9 What other solutions can you think of?

10 If you looked at this issue from all the different angles, what would you see?

9 Repeat steps 5 and 6 for one of the other stressful situations or feelings in your life

10 Repeat step 7

It's what most people at work appreciate about me Henry: All these years my ability to make powerful presentations has been what I love most about myself

About the strongest feeling of love, it comes from my wife Edith When I think about that, it makes me feel really great

From Shakespeare? What?

Absurd! Impossible!

"We don't always do as well as that upstairs "That's splendid," said Rockefeller

And when they indignantly demanded whether she had gone crazy, she replied: "Why, how did I know you'd notice? " I have among my clippings a story that I know never happened, but it illustrates a truth, so I'll repeat it: According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of a heavy day's work, set before her menfolks a heaping pile of hay

It became the official text of all the Y Because of this he wrote his own book entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business

C M

It is impossible for me to sing tonight My throat is like raw hamburger

Hurok argue with him? " Did Mr

Absurd Make orators out of business people?

M The Y

Sleep 3

Money and the things money will buy 4

Which brings us to the logical question: Why revise a book that has proven and continues to prove its vigorous and universal appeal? Each generation has discovered it anew and has found it relevant

To answer that, we must realize that Dale Carnegie himself was a tireless reviser of his own work during his lifetime Why tamper with success?

What did you do? What happened?

Would you like to come back to the present and open your eyes? Step 3 1

c Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one

d As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion

e Underscore each important idea

f Review this book each month

Check up each week on the progress you are mak-ing h

i Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future

I was astonished at their laughter and gaiety One boy had to be carried up

the men in charge of the boys I spoke about it to one of

Babette had exceptionally long fingernails Joyce Norris, a piano teacher in St, Louis, Missouri, told of how she had handled a problem piano teachers often have with teenage girls

Mrs This is a serious handicap to anyone who wants to develop proper piano-playing habits

This book? This deal?

The answers to this question and its variations are what provide you with the valuable information you need to help your client determine effective action steps in meeting her or his goals Any answer less than a 10 gets the follow-up question: What would it take to make it a 10?

Measurable 1 Be more specific: What is the final outcome you want?

2 How will you and others know when you have reached this goal?

Other "Ys" heard of it, then other cities The course grew

All the textbooks were too academic and impractical for the business people who flocked to his courses Dale Carnegie soon became a glorified circuit rider covering New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and later London and Paris

Once the goals were clear, the two proceeded to explore Allan's true passion and giftedness His coach shifted into the Goals Paradigm and spent a good amount of time helping him clarify what he really wanted to achieve from discovering and focusing on his life purpose

Allan had talked about his real strengths and passion and how he could best use them to serve his community His coach used a multipronged approach to draw out as many ideas as possible

He agreed that if he did not submit by a set date, he would have to pay his best friend $100 We once had a client who procrastinated on submitting his research work that he wanted very much to complete

Allow your client the freedom to decide on what negative consequence to attach to the noncompletion of a task so that he or she can devise an approach that will work for them His best friend held him accountable, and the researcher scored a significant achievement in his life

For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he was scheduled to tour South America, and before he started out on that tour he spent months studying Spanish so that he could make public talks in the language of the country; and the South Americans loved him for it

Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of one's birth has anything to do with character and disposition How?

Henry: All right, I am beginning to get the hang of your coaching approach Coach: You are capable of thinking of a solution

Coach: What do you love most about yourself, and what gives you the strongest feeling of love? Go ahead ask me some more questions

Henry: With a strong team we can easily reach the target Coach: Do you think that 30 million is achievable and within the capability of your team under your leadership?

Coach: What would you consider a breakthrough goal that would be achievable and yet would stretch you and your team in the process of achieving it and result in a quantum leap in your success? Our company has 20 sales teams of similar size under different leaders and 15 teams exceeded the 30 million mark, with the top team achieving 50 million

8 Facilitate a planning session to get buy-in and ownership from all team members on the breakthrough goal

Coach: Wonderful! Equip team members with the tools and methods for better results through training and mentoring

What are your thoughts? Coach: It could take some time to install a new habit

Coach: You know, I was not trained as a magician Henry: I think you already have the answer so we can get right to it and kill the bug in my head right away

She's a very tough woman who had to raise four kids single-handedly after my dad died in a plane crash Henry: She fought hard to keep our family alive

He was one of the best pilots in the navy flying the F/A-18 Hornet fighter plane I was proud of my dad

' It is too late for me to admit it quickly, but I can admit it emphatically "Dale Carnegie says, 'If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

He was right in not wanting to see me and to expel me from his life I wronged my son

But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing

He was the light and joy of my childhood When I was five years old, my father bought a little yellow-haired pup for fifty cents

' " 'No! 'You give me a lot of work, and you deserve the best; so I'm going to do this drawing all over

' he protested No!

(pause)... What did you just experience? Take a few minutes to breathe deeply and imagine the worry inside you is melting away and leaving your body...

2 What were you feeling?

'Yes, you're right, but after all, this isn't a serious mistake ' "Immediately he started to defend me

'Any mistake,' I said, 'may be costly and they are all irritating It is only -' "I interrupted him

" What was I trying to get out of him! " I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: "'What did you want to get out of him?

! !

" The father, looking at the bed, obeyed Charles Schwab's injunction: he was "hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise Come upstairs and see my bed that I bought!

" the father said " "You are not going to wet this bed, are you?

He quickly agreed to do his share in helping to correct the problem During the twenty-five-mile trip to his office, I carefully reviewed the situation and, remembering the principles I learned in this course, I decided that showing my anger would not serve any worthwhile purpose, When I arrived, I kept very calm and started by talking about his recent vacation to the West Indies; then, when I felt the timing was right, I mentioned the 'little' problem of water damage

"Even though it was the fault of the owner of the subdivision, if I had not begun in a friendly way, there would have been a great deal of difficulty in getting him to agree to the total liability "A few days later he called and said he would pay for the damage and also put in a storm drain to prevent the same thing from happening in the future

Finally, when the customer was in a reasonable mood, I put the whole thing up to his sense of fair play 5

"First," I said, "I want you to know I also feel this matter has been badly mishandled I appealed to the nobler motives

' the judge inquired ' " 'Well, wouldn't he like a puppy?

' " 'All right, I'm going to give him one,' the " 'Oh, yes, he'd be tickled pink

Yes sir, He couldn't have shaken my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running for Congress Was I ushered in with enthusiasm?

'My George will love this one,' he kept saying as he fondled the stamps He radiated smiles and good will

Is that correct? ' " 'The Electrical Manufacturers Association regulations say that a properly designed motor may have a temperature of 72 degrees Fahrenheit above room temperature

'That's quite correct ' " 'Yes,' he agreed

One had written him fourteen letters, some of them positively insulting Complaining tenants

'What a relief it is,' he said, 'to have a satisfied tenant like you Another threatened to break his lease unless the landlord kept the man on the floor above from snoring

After reviewing the scorecard, help people learn how they can do better once they have a clear understanding of the outcomes they are getting as a result of what they have done At times, this could entail a reformulation of goals and action steps; at other times what they need is continuous support, encouragement, and motivation

(We have further thoughts on keeping score of goals and action plans in Chapter 15 Scorecards offer valuable feedback and significant lessons when we take time to reflect and uncover the reasons behind the scores that we are getting

How can you rephrase this to reflect what you want? You mentioned that you don't want to get hurt

) 10 (Note: you can ask many variations of this question using different words

What are your most important goals in the following seven areas of your life? 5

) 6 (Professional, financial, relationships, health and fitness, recreation, possessions, and contribution

10 What would you consider to be the best option to pursue?

11 What do you think would be the top 20 percent of things to focus on first that would produce 80 percent of the results?

Radio Does It He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way" Eight Suggestions On How To Get The Most Out Of This Book Part 2 - Six Ways To Make People Like You 1 - Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere 2 - A Simple Way to Make a Good Impression 3 - If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble 4 - An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist 5 - How to Interest People 6 - How To Make People Like You Instantly In A Nutshell Part 3 - Twelve Ways To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 1 - You Can't Win an Argument 2 - A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and How to Avoid It 3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It 4 - The High Road to a Man's Reason 5 - The Secret of Socrates 6 - The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints 7 - How to Get Co-operation 8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You 9 - What Everybody Wants 10 - An Appeal That Everybody Likes 11 - The Movies Do It

12 - When Nothing Else Works, Try This In A Nutshell Part 4 - Nine Ways To Change People Without Giving Offence Or Arousing Resentment 1 - If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin 2 - How to Criticize—and Not Be Hated for It 3 - Talk About Your Own Mistakes First 4 - No One Likes to Take Orders 5 - Let the Other Man Save His Face 6 - How to Spur Men on to Success 7 - Give the Dog a Good Name 8 - Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct 9 - Making People Glad to Do What You Want In A Nutshell Part 5 - Letters That Produced Miraculous Results Part 6 - Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier 1 - How to Dig Your Marital Grave in the Quickest Possible Way 2 - Love and Let Live 3 - Do This and You'll Be Looking Up the Time-Tables to Reno 4 - A Quick Way to Make Everybody Happy 5 - They Mean So Much to a Woman 6 - If you Want to be Happy, Don't Neglect This One 7 - Don't Be a "Marriage Illiterate" In A Nutshell -------------- Eight Things This Book Will Help You Achieve 1 Why Don't You Do It?

14 How would you feel if you succeeded in overcoming this?

15 Every time you face a problem that you want to solve, would you like to practice this technique?

14 For how long will you do it?

15 How often will you do it?

14 How can we work together to reach a point where you will succeed with every action step that you set out to accomplish?

15 In what way would you like to be more effective in setting goals?

14 What things will you do to create more good feelings for yourself?

15 What can you do to establish the habit of focusing your thoughts, feelings, and actions on what you want instead of on what you don't want?

What are the common characteristics from all your answers to the above questions? 14

15 Your life purpose is to use your natural talents to do things that bring you the greatest joy in the service of others

2 What are the necessary action steps you need to take to achieve this objective?

3 How would you break down this big goal into smaller parts so you can start tackling each key task?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent 15

16 " What do you think about that?

15 What overall goals would you like to work on during the entire tenure of our coaching assignment?

16 From all the goals you've identified so far, how would you rank them in priority order?

Visualize each step of the journey backward 2

3 Identify what happened and how things were done each step of the way

16 When will you start to do this?

17 For how long will you do it?

16 Please describe, how does this look like?

17 If you were to practice holistic thinking, how would you piece together all the information into a complete solution?

16 How would it affect you?

17 What outcome would you prefer?

2 Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions, discover new ambitions

3 Make friends quickly and easily

I understand how you feel 17

18 Please tell me more about your deepest feelings

30 What kind of similar things have you done in the past?

31 What's the gap between where you are now to where you want to be?

23 What's your level of ownership and commitment toward completing each action step on time?

24 Do you feel accountable?

What's the distance between here to your destination? Where do you stand now?

25 What steps do you need to take?

32 What are the chances that you will be able to close the gap?

33 How have you been doing up to now?

25 How would you like to be held accountable?

26 Who could be an effective accountability partner for you?

3 Your clients need to generate a wider range of solutions and expand their possibilities

4 A person's thinking is restricted and they need to think out of the box

Nirenberg, Getting Through to People (Englewood Cliffs, N " (*) ---- [*] Dr Gerald S

: Prentice-Hall, 1963), p J

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments

A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people

He called me by name, made me feel very comfortable, and particularly impressed me with the fact that he was vitally interested in things I had to show him and tell him Chamberlain writes, "the President was extremely pleasant and cheerful

A crowd gathered around to look at the car; and he remarked: 'I think it is marvelous The car was so designed that it could be operated entirely by hand

You don't have to study for four years in Harvard to discover that " Self-evident, isn't it?

A department store in Chicago almost lost a regular customer who spent several thousand dollars each year in that store because a sales clerk wouldn't listen Yet I know and you know department store owners who will rent expensive space, buy their goods economically, dress their windows appealingly, spend thousands of dollars in advertising and then hire clerks who haven't the sense to be good listeners - clerks who interrupt customers, contradict them, irritate them, and all but drive them from the store

Charles T " A large advertisement appeared on the financial page of a New York newspaper calling for a person with unusual ability and experience

A few days later, he was invited by letter to call for an interview Cubellis answered the advertisement, sending his reply to a box number

Harriman of Hagerstown, Maryland, chose to live in the beautiful Cumberland Valley of Maryland after he completed his military service " Edward E

A little research uncovered the fact that a number of companies in the area were either owned or controlled by an unusual business maverick, R Unfortunately, at that time there were few jobs available in the area

Why Don't You Do It? Tv Does It

A malicious rumor was being circulated Many years ago, the Philadelphia Evening Bulletin was being maligned by a dangerous whispering campaign

Adamson, saying: "Good morning, gentlemen, what can I do for you? Eastman looked up, removed his glasses, and walked toward the architect and Mr

Adamson said: "While we've been waiting for you, Mr " The architect introduced them, and then Mr

When I told her I had a proposition for him which might translate itself into financial and political success for him, she became enthused Funkhouser's orbiting satellite for about fifteen years

After this conversation she arranged for me to meet Mr I also conversed with her about her constructive participation in his success

" Wesson returned three davs later, got his suggestions, took the sketches back to the studio and had them finished according to the buyer's ideas Finally he said: "Leave these with me for a few days, Wesson, and then come back and see me

All accepted The result?

It creates new levels of motivation 3

All of a sudden, you are raising your hand in class, volunteering to take on new assignments at work, speaking out at staff meetings, asking more directly for what you want, saving money for the things that you want, paying off a credit card debt, or taking more risks in your personal life You'll start to notice you are unexpectedly doing things that take you to your goal

It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness Apologize for your mistakes

And mean it Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully

He didn't want it He didn't ask for your opinion

Always avoid the acute angle Why argue with him?

I feel happy and strong when I do this type of activity 10

Among all of the items assessed above, after adding up the scores for all 10 questions, which ones have the highest total scores that are above 40? Talent Confirmation and Engagement 1

I paid too much "Well, to tell the truth," I said, "I can't afford them myself

And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness I'm sorry I ordered them," When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves

The challenge! " The desire to excel!

An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit Throwing down the gauntlet!

He neglected, however, to enclose the money Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a post-script that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill

Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak of Cleveland, Ohio, a participant in our course Back came replies by return mail thanking "Dear Uncle Andrew" for his kind note and-you can finish the sentence yourself

The photographer put away his camera, shook Woodcock's hand, and thanked him for taking the time to explain the situation to him He assured the man that under normal conditions two people could handle the job

Another member of one of our classes, Gerald H Dean Woodcock's friendly approach saved his company much embarrassment and bad publicity

Please don't trouble to answer this note You are busy

Barbara Anderson, who worked in a bank in New York, desired to move to Phoenix, Arizona, because of the health of her son Yours truly, J----- B-----, supt

Look for areas of agreement Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding

Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: "If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you We hired him and he has been an outstanding representative for our firm," Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours

Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they - or at least some of them - will feel inferior and envious " Why is that true?

I didn't begin talking about how high the rent was I fairly bubbled with good will and enthusiasm

Believe me, I was 'hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise I began talking about how much I liked his apartment house

There is no other way Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application

Bernard Shaw once remarked: "If you teach a man anything, he will never learn 6

) Mr (I have set down, in brackets, my reactions to each paragraph

Blank: The ------ company desires to retain its position in advertising agency leadership in the radio field John Blank, Blankville, Indiana Dear Mr

Do you know people like that? If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence

Bores, that is all they are - bores intoxicated with their own egos, drunk with a sense of their own importance I do, unfortunately; and the astonishing part of it is that some of them are prominent

In the letters to Mr Each party should gain from the negotiation

Both the bank and Mrs Vermylen, both the sender and the receiver of the correspondence gained by implementing what was suggested

When Carnegie and George Pullman were battling each other for supremacy in the railroad sleeping-car business, the Steel King again remembered the lesson of the rabbits Guess again

Both were struggling to get the sleeping-car business of the Union Pacific Railroad, bucking each other, slashing prices, and destroving all chance of profit The Central Transportation Company, which Andrew Carnegie controlled, was fighting with the company that Pullman owned

You can imagine Hoover's anger He had just caused the loss of a very expensive plane and could have caused the loss of three lives as well

But Hoover didn't scold the mechanic; he didn't even criticize him One could anticipate the tonguelashing that this proud and precise pilot would unleash for that carelessness

I still believe that I had the law on my side No

But I didn't persuade And I know that I spoke better than I ever spoke before

Thrrmas took: 1 Here, in his words, are the steps Mr

But I didn't say a word about that My visit to each customer was likewise to collect a bill long past due - a bill that we knew was absolutely right

Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twentyfive hundred years ago

Buddha preached it on the bank of the Holy Ganges five hundred years before Christ Lao-tse, the founder of Taoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of the Han

It was so nice of you to take the time to write me It was a stupid blunder, and I want to apologize for it

Carnegie, that I wrote as I did SHE : I am sorry, Mr

He gladly showed it to me; I admired it and asked him to tell me all about how it happened to be drawn I told him I never knew that anybody had ever written such a check, and that I wanted to tell my boys that I had actually seen a check for a million dollars

Chalif didn't begin by talking about the Boy Scouts, or the jamboree in Europe, or what it was he wanted? " You notice, don't you, that Mr

W Roosevelt, who could not use a standard car because his legs were paralyzed

Chamberlain and a mechanic delivered it to the White House F

Make a list of things you really love about yourself The Steps for Flip Switching: 1

Choose one item from step 1 that gives you the strongest positive emotion and feeling of love 2

Henry: Well, my movie hero is John Wayne Coach: If someone were to ask you to give this self-defeating pattern of yours a name, what would it be?

Could this be the Peter Lorre pattern? Let's see; who's a famous movie villain?

Could you please put your hand on your heart and feel your chest rise and fall and continue to feel the greatest feeling of love flowing into your heart and throughout your body 6

Could you now recall one instance of a negative feeling, something that is stressing you out, or a problem that you are currrently facing 7

V R

Crowley admitted that he had been telling hard-boiled lumber inspectors for years that they were wrong Crowley was a salesman for a lumber company in New York

But it hadn't done any good And he had won the arguments too

Crowley, "are like baseball umpires "For these lumber inspectors," said Mr

For example you listen for: Underlying thought patterns Habits Critical incidents Competencies Strengths Weaknesses Beliefs Values When we listen deeply, we also listen for patterns of success and patterns of failure Good coaches listen for what is significant

Deep listening does not mean jumping to conclusions or being judgmental When people can identify such patterns, it usually indicates that they are ready for the next step: working on solving their problems and producing better results

This also gives you a chance to ask for feedback on whether or not the client is comfortable with your pace and style of questioning It's good practice to pause for at least ten seconds after asking a question before saying anything further

Delayed Questions Consider how you time your questions Perhaps they prefer a slower or faster pace

You can learn how to identify those beliefs that are limiting you and then replace them with positive ones that support your success Moving beyond your limiting beliefs is a critical first step toward becoming successful

Despite the best educational materials available, and despite decades of recorded knowledge about how to accomplish any task, we somehow choose to say, "I can't do that One of the most common limiting beliefs is that somehow we are not capable of accomplishing our goals

Mr Hurok would walk out on the stage of the Metropolitan and announce that Chaliapin had a very bad cold and was not in good voice

Dr Hurok would lie and say he would do it, for he knew that was the only way to get the basso out on the stage

John C He is a leading certified trainer for Dr

Dr Maxwell programs (the world's number one leadership guru), Zig Ziglar pro-grams (the world's number one motivation guru), and a certified master trainer for Jack Canfield programs

Phoning the architect, Mr To illustrate: When Eastman was building the Eastman School of Music and also Kilbourn Hall in Rochester, James Adamson, then president of the Superior Seating Company of New York, wanted to get the order to supply the theater chairs for these buildings

Eastman in Rochester Adamson made an appointment to see Mr

Similar to the first set of examples, Example 1 is not great feedback Can you tell me more about that?

Examples 2 and 3 are better forms of feedback It's more telling, if not judging

Example 1 is not great feedback Could you tell me more about that?

Examples 2 and 3 are phrased better It's more telling and prescriptive

10 Visualize the new you and the benefits you will be enjoying with this new empowering belief

Examples of Achievers Coaching Questions and Answers for Overcoming Limiting Beliefs What's your limiting belief? Repeat this process with all other limiting beliefs you become aware of

No! No!

Far from it I am not suggesting flattery!

" After several decades the term was borrowed to refer to the reaction to information, a situation, or a relationship That sound was named "feedback

Feedback occurs when an environment reacts to an action or behavior BusinessDictionary.com defines feedback as the information sent to an entity (an individual or a group) about its past behavior so that entity may adjust its present and future behavior to achieve the desired result

Health and the preservation of life Some of the things most people want include: 1

Food 2

To invite Dr He lives close to the sea and hills of the beautiful island of Penang with his wife Eunice and daughter Adelina

For further information on Dr Peter Chee to speak at your events or to train and coach your team, please go to www.itdworld.com/speakers

When this happens, people often slack off and have problems completing their planned tasks On some occasions their energy begins to diminish, especially when they are faced with obstacles and difficulties

Getting started on something new is much harder than persisting in an established pattern of behavior And when it comes to replacing an old habit with a new one, the challenges are usually even greater

I perform this type of activity on a daily basis 6

I learn very quickly how to perform this type of activity 7

And yet, how much it is neglected! It is a very simple technique - this yes response

Get a student to say "No" at the beginning, or a customer, child, husband, or wife, and it takes the wisdom and the patience of angels to transform that bristling negative into an affirmative It often seems as if people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others at the outset

Just ask powerful questions that will help to move them forward If people don't keep their commitments, don't belittle them

Give some flexibility if needed, but avoid lowering standards Find out if it's necessary to revise their goals and action steps

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry Control your temper

Give your opponents a chance to talk Listen first

" What were his wants? So the parents asked: "How can we make this boy want to stop wetting his bed?

Grandmother was getting fed up with his nocturnal iniquities, so she gladly offered to buy him a pair of pajamas if he would reform First, he wanted to wear pajamas like Daddy instead of wearing a nightgown like Grandmother

Which solution would you like to work on first? 13

How do you want to proceed? 14

Just think about it, Okay? If you want to play the piano as well as you are capable of and as well as you would like to, you would be surprised how much quicker and easier it would be for you, if you would trim your nails shorter

I also talked to her mother about this situation, again mentioning how lovely her nails were ' She made a face which was definitely negative

I am living a healthy, happy, and successful life 3

I am always joyful and loving 4

Could you tell me more about how you really feel about this situation? 7

Imagine being in that situation 8

In Chinese tradition an older person cannot take the first step The father had been an opium addict, but was now cured

In an early session, he told the class about the grandchildren he had never seen and how much he desired to be reunited with his son The father felt that it was up to his son to take the initiative toward a reconciliation

Steinhardt, a New York stockbroker Here is a letter from William B

In fact, it is typical of hundreds of cases His case isn't isolated

People are frequently astonished at the new results they achieve On innumerable occasions, spouses attending the banquet given at the end of the course have told me that their homes have been much happier since their husbands or wives started this training

In some cases, in their enthusiasm, they have telephoned me at my home on Sundays because they couldn't wait forty-eight hours to report their achievements at the regular session of the course It all seems like magic

If you reword this in a way so that it focuses on what you want rather that what you don't want, how would that sound? 2

Instead of using the words "I don't want to get hurt," which is what you don't want, how can you replace this with positive words that reflect what you want? 3

It doesn't work - not with intelligent people I've tried that stuff

It is shallow, selfish and insincere " Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people

------------------------------ A Shortcut to Distinction by Lowell Thomas This biographical information about Dale Carnegie was written as an introduction to the original edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles

It was a cold January night in 1935, but the weather couldn't keep them away It is reprinted in this edition to give the readers additional background on Dale Carnegie

I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation " The man who said that taught me a lesson I'll never forget

It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an inveterate arguer How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative

Adamson drew him out with further questions and listened, absorbed, while he related the story of his experiments with dry photographic plates The terror of poverty haunted him day and night, and he resolved to make enough money so that his mother wouldn't have to work, Mr

James Adamson had been ushered into Eastman's office at tenfifteen and had been warned that he must not take more than five minutes; but an hour had passed, then two hours passed He told how he had worked in an office all day, and sometimes experimented all night, taking only brief naps while the chemicals were working, sometimes working and sleeping in his clothes for seventy-two hours at a stretch

~~~~~~~ 3 - If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble Back in 1898, a tragic thing happened in Rockland County, New York Principle 2 - Smile

Jim Farley went out to the barn to hitch up his horse A child had died, and on this particular day the neighbors were preparing to go to the funeral

After reading it thoroughly, you ought to spend a few hours reviewing it every month, Keep it on your desk in front of you every day So, if you want to get a real, lasting benefit out of this book, don't imagine that skimming through it once will suffice

Keep constantly impressing yourself with the rich possibilities for improvement that still lie in the offing Glance through it often

Right: I am enjoying the thrill of flying Wrong: I am no longer afraid of flying

Keep it brief 4

And you know it's not good for youngsters to get too much publicity You've got children yourselves, some of you

K " When Cyrus H

Let me repeat I'm talking about a new way of life

King George V had a set of six maxims displayed on the walls of his study at Buckingham Palace I am talking about a new way of life

Let's see Will the friendly approach help you then?

L 0

But that moment, brief as it was, recorded the high-water mark of the Confederacy The banners waved there only for a moment

Lee had failed Pickett's charge - brilliant, heroic - was nevertheless the beginning of the end

One of his favorite quotations was "Judge not, that ye be not judged Half the nation savagely condemned these incompetent generals, but Lincoln, "with malice toward none, with charity for all," held his peace

Lincoln and others spoke harshly of the southern people, Lincoln replied: "Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances " And when Mrs

List three things about which you have built up stress or negative feelings and say how they affect you The steps for Anchoring: 1

List three things that you easily appreciate, care about, and love most in your life 2

It was found among his papers after his death Lincoln never mailed it

Maybe I ought not to be so hasty My guess is - and this is only a guess - that after writing that letter, Lincoln looked out of the window and said to himself, "Just a minute

How would you rate me as a manager? For instance: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the meeting we just had?

Me as a teacher? Me as a parent?

The process turned out to be extremely useful for her, and she came up with quite a few innovative ideas After receiving some feedback and suggestions from her coach, she added colors and pictures

Ming Wei agreed and worked with her coach on a six-point action process to analyze her ideas with her coach and a few other experts Ten minutes before the end of the session, the coach asked if they could shift into the Action Paradigm

Suppose he had told them by his tones and insinuations that they were wrong Suppose that, by all the rules of logic, he had proved that they were wrong Suppose he had argued with those miners and hurled devastating facts in their faces

More anger would have been stirred up, more hatred, more revolt What would have happened?

Could he have shown you how to get the things you want by using the gymnasium? You don't want to get a black eye

More pep Surely

" Few people are logical I made the enormous blunder of telling a very learned and famous man that he was wrong

Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy and pride Most of us are prejudiced and biased

Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard to pronounce

Most people just called him "Nick Sid Levy called on a customer for some time whose name was Nicodemus Papadoulos

It was obvious that Babette's beautifully manicured nails were important to her Another negative reaction

Much to my surprise, the fingernails had been trimmed "The following week Babette returned for her second lesson

He explained that is why they had discontinued renting them 95 more than I could rent one

My 'yes' response led to a purchase of the set, and when I picked it up I purchased several more items at this shop and have since become a regular customer Did I think that was reasonable?

You are going to hear a lot about it in this book " It is significant

Not many things, but the few that you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied What do you want?

A fashion show? Presently even standing space was at a premium, and hundreds of people, tired after navigating a day in business, stood up for an hour and a half that night to witness - what?

No A six-day bicycle race or a personal appearance by Clark Gable?

Plus he comes from a town not that far from where I grew up I've studied his life

Now fix an image of Ben Franklin in your mind Coach: Yes, I understand

Once again could you please visualize as clearly as you can the same thing that brings the strongest feeling of love to you 8

Once again could you now recall the same instance of a negative feeling, a cause of stress, or a problem that you are currently dealing with 9

He wrote to us about a student named Chris in his beginning crafts class: Chris was a very quiet, shy boy lacking in self-confidence, the kind of student that often does not receive the attention he deserves Rowland, who is one of the instructors of our course in California, is also a teacher of arts and crafts

On Wednesday, Chris was diligently working at his desk I also teach an advanced class that had grown to be somewhat of a status symbol and a privilege for a student to have earned the right to be in it

Do you feel like you really own this goal, like it's your own "baby"? Engaging 1

On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated are you by this goal? 2

Many were indignant I said it twice, I was deluged with letters and telegrams, stinging messages that swirled around my defenseless head like a swarm of hornets

One Colonial Dame, who had been reared in Concord, Massachusetts, and who was then living in Philadelphia, vented her scorching wrath upon me A few insulting

Douglas realized how foolish he had been all those years After taking our course, Mr

One evening after dinner, his wife said she wanted to pull some weeds and invited him to keep her company It never occurred to him that she enjoyed doing that work and she might really appreciate a compliment on her diligence

One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out One is sincere and the other insincere

One is universally admired; the other universally condemned One is unselfish; the other selfish

This meal? This class?

Our sex life? My cooking?

" We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their selfesteem? When Alfred Lunt, one of the great actors of his time, played the leading role in Reunion in Vienna, he said, "There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem

Paul Harvey, in one of his radio broadcasts, "The Rest of the Story," told how showing sincere appreciation can change a person's life We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars

Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you

People are not interested in you Of course, it doesn't work

Your clients do not have enough information, lack good ideas, and are not convinced that they have the right solutions (shift to the Exploration Paradigm and the Analysis Paradigm) 3

People are not ready to decide because of worries and emotional concerns (shift to the Releasing Paradigm) 4

This enhances your selfesteem and builds your self- confidence By recalling and writing down your successes each day or week, you log them into your long-term memory

Peter Thigpen, a former vice president at Levi Strauss & Co Later, if you need a boost of selfconfidence, you can reread what you have written

Pickett's charge was undoubtedly the most brilliant and picturesque attack that ever occurred in the Western world Lee is the way he blamed himself and only himself for the failure of Pickett's charge at Gettysburg

Pickett himself was picturesque General George E

Magnificent Daring

Pickett's troops swept forward at any easy trot, through orchard and cornfield, across a meadow and over a ravine A murmur of admiration ran through the Union lines as they beheld it

3 What do you think are your greatest strengths and talents?

Please list them What types of activities make you feel most happy and fulfilled when you do them over and over again?

When he was ushered into the room he saw Mr " Adamson was prepared to do just that

Presently, Mr Eastman bending over a pile of papers at his desk

So, because I had apologized and sympathized with her point of view, she began apologizing and sympathizing with my point of view, I had the satisfaction of controlling my temper, the satisfaction of returning kindness for an insult I should like to know you better

President Taft was no exception, and he learned from experience the enormous chemical value of sympathy in neutralizing the acid of hard feelings I got infinitely more real fun out of making her like me than I could ever have gotten out of telling her to go and take a jump in the Schuylkill River, Every man who occupies the White House is faced almost daily with thorny problems in human relations

"One of the most important lessons I learned," Daniel says, "is not to be complacent and proud Gradually he overhauled his approach

Previously I would keep trying to manage and instruct people rather than to develop and empower them with great questions If I think I know everything and I am always right, I am not open to improving myself

Johnson said: "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days " As Dr

Principle 1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain " Why should you and I?

This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction ---- The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of "Yes" responses

Propel in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it; far more force to send it back in the opposite direction It is like the movement of a billiard ball

Back in 1915, Rockefeller was the most fiercely despised man in Colorado, One of the bloodiest strikes in the history of American industry had been shocking the state for two terrible years Rockefeller, Jr

Property had been destroyed, troops had been called out Irate, belligerent miners were demanding higher wages from the Colorado Fuel and Iron Company; Rockefeller controlled that company

Meeting one evening in the St Both Carnegie and Pullman had gone to New York to see the board of directors of the Union Pacific

Pullman, aren't we making a couple of fools of ourselves? Nicholas Hotel, Carnegie said: "Good evening, Mr

Think like Einstein; what other ideas would you come up with? 24

Put on the hat of a highly creative thinker 25

Visualize it clearly in all dimensions and feel it bringing forth the strongest feeling of appreciation in your heart Think of one of the things identified in step 2 that you love and appreciate

Put your hand on your heart and feel the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and out 6

Ask questions to help people identify what they need to do to achieve their goals, when they should start taking action, how often they should do it, and the target completion date Develop action steps gradually as you progress with the coaching conversation instead of waiting until the end of the session when time might run out

Rather than telling your clients what to do, you can help them find a better way to achieve their goals It's also beneficial to ask about the resources and people needed to produce the results

Say to yourself over and over: "My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life

Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a bird's-eye view of it " 2

It was only after looking deeper and evaluating the pros and cons of his goal and his values, that Orlando realized that the restaurant and spa businesses were not his true passion and priority We decided to shift into the Analysis Paradigm

Realizing this, we shifted seamlessly back to the Goals Paradigm to ask him about his true passion and strengths and how he could use those to set truly inspiring goals for himself The goal had been influenced by his mother's dreams and not his own

CASE 2 Event: Dastan's wife was not happy that he had not been spending time with his family and his attention always seemed to be elsewhere With support from his coach, Oliver continued to improve until he received his promotion six months later

Response: Dastan felt hurt and concluded that he was not being appreciated for having worked hard for his family's well-being She expressed her frustration and feelings to Dastan

She was visibly pleased, and together they spent an hour in hard work and pleasant conversation He first declined, but then thought better of it and went out after her and began to help her pull weeds

Result: a happier life for both because he had learned to look at things from her point of view - even if the subject was only weeds After that he often helped her with the gardening and complimented her on how fine the lawn looked, what a fantastic job she was doing with a yard where the soil was like concrete

But we couldn't obviously make both trips She had wanted to make this trip for several years

S "Our daughter, Anne, had just completed a course in U

S---- stopped, stared at the Justice for a moment, and then said bluntly: "Your Honor, there is no statute of limitations in admiralty " Mr

S---- as he related his experience to one of the author's classes, "and the temperature in the room seemed to drop to zero " "A hush fell on the court," said Mr

Pity them Feel sorry for the poor devils

Say to yourself: "There, but for the grace of God, go I Sympathize with them

Ms Leonard Yong, Dale Carnegie and Development Dimensions International (DDI) programs

Scholastica's College, Manila Alcaraz graduated with double degrees in BS Psychology and BS in Commerce Major in Human Resources Development, under the 3-year Honors Program of St

It is essential that people are able to measure their goals " Keep Your Eyes on the Prize Staying focused on the goal will give people a reason to wake up every morning filled with energy and the anticipation of what is to come when they achieve their goals

Score-keeping, as any sports fan can tell you, stimulates us to create more and more positive outcomes and gets us motivated to want to achieve more This way, they keep score of exciting progress, positive outcomes, and beneficial gains

Henrietta Douglas, who took our course in Chicago, had purchased a coat at a special sale Mrs

She came back the next day and asked the sales clerk to exchange it After she had brought it home she noticed that there was a tear in the lining

A Simple Way to Create Affirmations 1 Right: I am effectively communicating my needs and desires to Johnny

See things just as you would like them to be Visualize what you would like to create

Success is a journey and there are moments when we stop along the way to "refuel" before going farther How do you intend to appreciate yourself and the people who have helped you realize this dream?

She'll probably want to have an even bigger celebration when the book is published For example, if your client is writing a book over 10 months and the book has four parts, help your client to decide how to celebrate when each of the four parts of the book are completed

Visualize being in a state of love, forgiveness, and gratitude 24

Shift into the Releasing Paradigm When 1 What could you do to experience this more of the time?

Knowing that they are going to be held accountable by someone helps them keep going when they feel like giving in or giving up When people are tired, stressed, and feel like giving up, they know that in the next meeting, the coach is going to ask how they are doing

Simply ask them if they are willing to recommit to taking the action before the next coaching session Make sure that when people haven't kept their commitments, you don't waste time listening to them indulging in blaming, complaining, or making excuses

"This man came in to open an account," said Mr The use of this "yes, yes" technique enabled James Eberson, who was a teller in the Greenwich Savings Bank, in New York City, to secure a prospective customer who might otherwise have been lost

Some of the questions he answered willingly, but there were others he flatly refused to answer Eberson, "and I gave him our usual form to fill out

Garfield, who was then running for President, and asked if it was true that he was once a tow boy on a canal; and Garfield replied He wrote General James A

Soon our Western Union messenger boy was corresponding with many of the most famous people in the nation: Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Longfellow, Mrs He wrote General Grant asking about a certain battle, and Grant drew a map for him and invited this fourteen-year old boy to dinner and spent the evening talking to him

As she took another cookie, the man took one too In her mind, she wanted to punch the man for being so daring

Soon there was a competition for eating the cookies She was becoming irritated but did not want to cause a scene

Gerald S In his book Getting Through to People, Dr

Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas Nirenberg commented: "Cooperativeeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person's ideas and feelings as important as your own

Right: I am enjoying driving my new red Porsche 911 Carrera Wrong: I am going to get a new red Porsche 911 Carrera

State it in the positive 3

"Since this is a meeting of the officers of the company and the representatives of the employees, it is only by your courtesy that I am here, for I am not so fortunate as to be either one or the other; and yet I feel that I am intimately associated with you men, for, in a sense, I represent both the stockholders and the directors Having had the opportunity last week of visiting all the camps in the southern coal field and of talking individually with practically all of the representatives, except those who were away; having visited in your homes, met many of your wives and children, we meet here not as strangers, but as friends, and it is in that spirit of mutual friendship that I am glad to have this opportunity to discuss with you our common interests

Suppose Rockefeller had taken a different tack " Isn't that a superb example of the fine art of making friends out of enemies?

Take Al Capone, for example And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he does

Suppose you had had his environment and experiences Suppose you had inherited the same body and temperament and mind that Al Capone had

I have many successful strategic partnerships, and as a result my business flourishes and my family and I enjoy the many rewards What would be the best-case scenario and the benefits that you want?

There are many people who are honest and ethical What would your turnaround statement sound like?

He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses

The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old wisdom of the Orient: "He who treads softly goes far The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let's remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question - a question that will get the "yes, yes" response

This is usually also the time when people become more aware of their own issues and circumstances and need help to change their responses in order to create the different outcomes that they want This is because when people have articulated their problems, worries, and negative emotions, they feel much better and are more ready to face change

The E + R = O Reframing Technique is a simple yet powerful process Reframing helps people find solutions and break free from the problems and emotions that are blocking their progress

It also lets in anything that matches your beliefs and images about yourself, others, and the world It lets in anything that will help you achieve the goals you set and constantly visualize and affirm

The RAS is a powerful tool, but it can only look for ways to achieve the exact pictures you give it That's why it's so important to work on your beliefs

Henry: With my assistant manager, I'll shart by sharing my eight-point action plan to implement the "nurturing pattern How will you set up your next accountability partner?

The accountability question for her to ask me will be, "Henry, for the whole of last week, how many of the action items have you fully accomplished? " I am confident that she'll like it a lot

The goals must be specific and measurable with a clear timeline for completion There are three important aspects to the goals you must help your clients create: 1

The goals should be achievable and yet challenging enough so that the outcome obtained from completing the goal is worth pursuing 2

Many of the names of prominent people in the book, well known at the time of first publication, are no longer recognized by many of today's readers Had he lived longer, he himself would have revised How to Win Friends and Influence People to better reflect the changes that have taken place in the world since the thirties

The important message and overall impact of the book is weakened to that extent Certain examples and phrases seem as quaint and dated in our social climate as those in a Victorian novel

Every available seat was filled by half-past seven Two thousand five hundred men and women thronged into the grand ballroom of the Hotel Pennsylvania in New York

The spacious balcony was soon jammed At eight o'clock, the eager crowd was still pouring in

" The affair moved with the speed of a herd of buffalo thundering across the plains Next speaker!

The speakers were a cross section of life: several sales representatives, a chain store executive, a baker, the president of a trade association, two bankers, an insurance agent, an accountant, a dentist, an architect, a druggist who had come from Indianapolis to New York to take the course, a lawyer who had come from Havana in order to prepare himself to give one important three-minute speech Spectators stood for an hour and a half to watch the performance

Experts in window display know the power of dramazation And you will have to do it if you want attention

The week the rats were shown, sales zoomed to five times their normal rate For example, the manufacturers of a new rat poison gave dealers a window display that included two live rats

" Dean Woodcock of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, is the superintendent of a department of the local electric company It was the friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach that won

This type of work had formerly been performed by a different department and had only recently been transferred to Woodcock's section Although his people had been trained in the work, this was the first time they had ever actually been called upon to do it His staff was called upon to repair some equipment on top of a pole

The assumption of coaching is that clients themselves know best, even if they don't know they know it Instead, coaching uses the Socratic method of helping people discover the answers for themselves

This unleashes their potential to maximize their own performance, inculcates self-leadership, and empowers them rather than directs them Let them do most of the thinking and find their own solutions—that's the essence of good coaching

" Robert responded: "No, but I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me Did you doubt it?

To illustrate: The New York Telephone Company discovered a few years ago that it had to deal with one of the most vicious customers who ever cursed a customer service representative " The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener - a listener who will he silent while the irate fault-finder dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system

Do not resist, defend or debate Let them finish

Try to build bridges of understanding This only raises barriers

This principle also applies to learning anything new In other words, your brain sees no difference whatsoever between visualizing something and actually doing it, and in this way you can effectively program your subconscious mind for success

Visualization simply makes the brain achieve more Harvard University researchers found that students who visualized in advance performed tasks with nearly 100 percent accuracy, whereas students who didn't visualize achieved only 55 percent accuracy

Walters "I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son," the president explained to Mr

Walters stated his mission and began asking questions Mr

You must be sensitive to the emotions being expressed and able to reflect back to the other person the substance and feelings expressed You let the other person dominate the discussion, you're attentive to what is being said, and you're careful not to interrupt the flow of thought

When you do all these things, the other person will feel the deep connection and the sense of importance that you have bestowed upon him Your focus stays on the other person until he completes what he is sharing

Laurie, who had been a quiet, complacent child, had grown into an uncooperative, sometimes belligerent teenager Barbara Wilson's relationship with her daughter, Laurie, was deteriorating rapidly

Wilson lectured her, threatened her and punished her, but all to no avail Mrs

Jack Canfield please visit www.jackcanfield.com Dr For further details on Dr

With Dr Peter Chee is president and CEO of ITD World (The Institute of Training and Development), a leading multinational corporation for Human Resource Development

"I have never ridden in it since his death "My husband bought that car for me shortly before he passed on," she said softly

" "Why, aunty," he said, "you overwhelm me You appreciate nice things, and I'm going to give this car to you

" She'll probably reply, "No trouble at all" and will be glad to change the potatoes, because we have shown respect for her If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoes when we have ordered French fried, let's say: "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I prefer French fried

" "Won't you please? Little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would you be so kind as to ----?

Another officer in attendance was astonished Lee once spoke to the president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis, in the most glowing terms about a certain officer under his command

" "Yes," replied General Lee, "but the president asked my opinion of him; he did not ask for his opinion of me "General," he said, " do you not know that the man of whom you speak so highly is one of your bitterest enemies who misses no opportunity to malign you?

"Don't you know it's against the law? " he reprimanded me

" "You didn't think! " "Yes, I know it is," I replied softy, "but I didn't think he would do any harm out here

Roomy Well built

" "You're right," the old lady agreed You know, they don't build houses like this anymore

I was having a grand time ' "He started to break in, but I wouldn't let him

" 'I should have been more careful,' I continued For the first time in my life, I was criticizing myself - and I loved it

That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone Naturally that pleased him

" I went even further than giving him rapt attention "Few human beings," wrote Jack Woodford in Strangers in Love, "few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention

Come up to my home and have lunch with me and I'll show you All right

Eastman showed Adamson the chairs he had brought from Japan " After lunch, Mr

They felt better and I felt better because I had handled the situation with consideration for their point of view They had saved their faces

Elizabeth Novak of New South Wales, Australia, was six weeks late with her car payment Seeing things through another person's eyes may ease tensions when personal problems become overwhelming

Roosevelt and James Farley; business leaders like Owen D I personally interviewed scores of successful people, some of them world-famous-inventors like Marconi and Edison; political leaders like Franklin D

From all this material, I prepared a short talk Young; movie stars like Clark Gable and Mary Pickford; and explorers like Martin Johnson-and tried to discover the techniques they used in human relations

The order for the seats amounted to $90,000 They weren't worth more than a few dollars, but George Eastman, now a multimillionaire, was proud of them because he himself had painted them

From the time of this story until Mr Who do you suppose got the order - James Adamson or one of his competitors?

And he also lost his fear of individuals and of his superiors But as the weeks drifted by, he lost all fear of audiences and soon found that he loved to talk - the bigger the crowd, the better

He had become a valued and much liked member of his company He presented his ideas to them, and soon he had been advanced into the sales department

Mr Duvernoy of Duvemoy and Sons, a wholesale baking firm in New York

He had called on the manager every week for four years Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York hotel

If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing First, force yourself to smile

Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it: "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy

He couldn't escape Lee was in a trap

Here was a golden, heaven-sent opportunity-the opportunity to capture Lee's army and end the war immediately Lincoln saw that

' "I didn't argue with him But your motors are much hotter

' " 'Oh,' he said, 'about 75 degrees Fahrenheit I merely asked: 'How hot is the mill room?

Same woman, same scowl "The next day I went through the same line

I smiled and said, 'Hello, Eunice,' and then told her what I wanted The only difference was I noticed her name tag

It was then that Muzaffar started to express all his worries and anxieties At that point, his coach asked about his levels of commitment and accountability to carry out all the plans

After spending 15 minutes in the Releasing Paradigm, the coach asked if Muzaffar wanted to revise any of his action steps To deal with this, the coach shifted back to the Releasing Paradigm

Socrates said repeatedly to his followers in Athens: One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so

And I find that it pays Well, I can't hope to be any smarter than Socrates, so I have quit telling people they are wrong

"I resolved this morning to use a little horse sense But that sort of attitude certainly didn't give a feeling of welcome and importance to the man who had walked in to give us his patronage

And above all else, I was determined to get him saying 'yes, yes' from the very start I resolved not to talk about what the bank wanted but about what the customer wanted

When she wanted to tell me her thoughts, feelings, ideas, I interrupted with more orders I was always telling her to do this or that

And all I had been doing was talking when I should have been listening I began to realize that she needed me - not as a bossy mother, but as a confidante, an outlet for all her confusion about growing up

I urged him to give me his ideas Then I changed my approach completely

And he was This made him feel that he was creating the designs

Knowing the value of appreciation and confidence, he made women feel beautiful by the sheer power of his gallantry and consideration " Time after time, he took drab little creatures that no one ever looked at twice and transformed them on the stage into glamorous visions of mystery and seduction

And he was also chivalrous; on opening night at the Follies, he sent telegrams to the stars in the cast, and he deluged every chorus girl in the show with American Beauty roses He was practical: he raised the salary of chorus girls from thirty dollars a week to as high as one hundred and seventy-five

They had tried such courses -and they had always failed people knew

And inside of three years they were paying him thirty dollars a night on that basis - instead of two When they refused to pay him a salary of two dollars a night, he agreed to teach on a commission basis and take a percentage of the net profits -if there were any profits to take

Knowing in detail what will satisfy them gives you the information needed to create a winning product, service, or relationship Knowing that someone is dissatisfied is not enough

And teach your clients to ask it of their managers, clients, customers, direct reports and so on Make it a habit to constantly ask this question of your clients and other people who are important to you

This desire inspired Sir Christoper Wren to design his symphonies in stone It was this desire for a feeling of importance that inspired Dickens to write his immortal novels

And this same desire made the richest family in your town build a house far too large for its requirements This desire made Rockefeller amass millions that he never spent!

This created a disaster when a client stormed into our office to demand that he be allowed to see more of her One of the girls resorted to going out on dates with clients to win sales

Another staff member promised to do thirty sales calls and eight customer visits each week but only did 60 percent of what she committed to I was furious and scolded her at one of our team meetings just to warn her and others not to repeat such behavior

He would drop into town, meet his people at lunch or breakfast, tea or dinner, and give them a "heart-to-heart talk Then he hopped onto a train and in nineteen days covered twenty states and twelve thousand miles, traveling by buggy, train, automobile and boat

As soon as he arrived back East, he wrote to one person in each town he had visited, asking for a list of all the guests to whom he had talked " Then he'd dash off again on another leg of his journey

They need to decide for themselves how they feel about their actions and their life paths Clients generally know what works best for them and what does not

As soon as we start judging anyone, we appear that we are saying that we are better than them It is not your place to judge your clients or their actions

Nine months ago, when I met you, my greatest enemy was me! Looking back, I realized that in the past nine months, I have grown more as a person than I did in the previous forty years

I had a "nasty sadistic creature" living inside me, which, when released, inflicted emotional pain on others and put them down so that I felt bigger and more powerful in comparison I felt small about myself and my self-esteem was low, but I faked it by showing a tough and aggressive front as I victimized others

If you come back to me between now and the first of the month, when your rent is due, and tell me you still intend to move, I give you my word I will accept your decision as final Lav your decision on the table for a few days and think it over

But I still believe you're a man of your word and will live up to your contract I will privilege you to move and admit to myself I've been wrong in my judgment

Justice - was wrong I was right

But did that make him friendly? And I had told him so

It's possible but it would require tremendous effort and improvement from everyone in our team Henry: A breakthrough goal would be 40 million

But how do you feel about setting this as your breakthrough goal? Coach: True

Immediate action was necessary Advertisers were being told that the newspaper was no longer attractive to readers because it carried too much advertising and too little news

But how? The gossip had to be squelched

She can help me to be accountable by having a follow-up meeting with me to ensure that I get things done according to my plan " There are eight very important action steps I need to take to accomplish that

Coach: Very good, anything else? Let me add this to my action list right now

Henry: I am very aware of this feeling now How will you know the next time this "sadistic pattern" is emerging?

Coach: What could you do to interrupt this pattern and stop it from emerging? Whenever I feel really down and things don't go the way I want, this sadistic pattern starts creeping out

Why am I reading this boring report? Why am I still up at three in the morning?

If you had a three-year old in real life, you might say, "Mommy has to finish this proposal in the next 20 minutes " The Importance of Rewards As the parent of this "inner child," one of your most important tasks is to engage it and reward it for behaving itself while you get your work done

Was she unusual? All she wanted was an interested listener, so she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been

Many people are like that No

An item of nine thousand dollars was at stake Parsons, an income tax consultant, had been disputing and wrangling for an hour with a gover-ment tax inspector

Parsons claimed that this nine thousand dollars was in reality a bad debt, that it would never be collected, that it ought not to be taxed Mr

So he resigned He longed to have time to study, to write the books he had dreamed about writing back in college

Teaching what? He was going to spend his days writing stories and novels and support himself by teaching in a night school

When you remove all assumptions and limitations, what else would you consider as possible solutions? 34

Think about when you are most creative 35

This was also the essence of the feedback I got from my staff That triggers a pattern of criticizing and scolding people and attacking their behavior

It just seems to happen automatically I seem trapped in this behavior, and I don't know why

" I was this and I was that, and he ended by saying I was a "most interesting conversationalist I was "most stimulating

Why, I had said hardly anything at all " An interesting conversationalist?

Steel to take over the then-troubled Bethlehem Steel Company, and he rebuilt it into one of the most profitable companies in America S

Why? ) Why did Andrew Carnegie pay a million dollars a year, or more than three thousand dollars a day, to Charles Schwab?

No attempt to force his opinions on others No highpressure methods

You may never be called upon to settle a strike or address a jury, but you may want to get your rent reduced Webster used the soft-spoken, quiet, friendly approach, and it helped to make him famous

Your client needs to identify the goals of future conversations 3

You need to review your client's progress on her goals from the last conversation or from past conversations 4

Did I ever tell you that you are my hero? You have truly been a great coach

You raise me up to be more than I can be I am strong when I think of you

We didn't have an architect My husband and I dreamed about it for years before we built it

" She showed Mr We planned it all ourselves

" "I " "I

" When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? " "I

"The chief engineer greeted me with this shocking announcement: 'Allison, I can't buy the remainder of the motors from you So when I called three weeks later, I was in high spirits

' I asked in amazement ' " 'Why?

Some readers are saying right now as they read these lines: "Oh, phooey! Copyright (c) by Paulynne, Inc

Bear oil! Flattery!

Is it achievable? In what way is achieving this goal within your control?

By what date and time would you want to achieve this goal? 25

My poor fellow "What a pity!

I will cancel the engagement at once Of course, you cannot sing

Identify how you would prefer to act and feel 4

Imagine the benefits of changing this belief 5

My mother doesn't like it He wrote, "Please do not publish that picture of me any more

Rockefeller, Jr " When John D

What are all the possible options that you can imagine? 14

Sketch a map showing your goal in the center and the strategies and tactics for achieving them radiating outward from the center 15

Learning is an active process " Shaw was right

So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them We learn by doing

Feel the feeling you want to feel when you have created what you want 3

Then describe what you are experiencing in a brief statement, including what you are feeling 4

Rowland As Chris walked out of class that day, seemingly two inches taller, he looked at me with bright blue eyes and said in a positive voice, "Thank you, Mr

To help me never forget this rule, I made a sign which reads "YOU ARE IMPORTANT " Chris taught me a lesson I will never forget-our deep desire to feel important

"Well, what are the bestselling books in America? But what kind of book would 100,000 people want?

Weight-loss books, said the feedback " she asked

Your client loses focus and direction and needs to review his or her goals 5

Your client wants to make changes to the goals he or she's set 6

By when? What will you do?

—George Horace Lorimer OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 15 PLANNING FOR ACTION AND TAKING MASSIVE ACTION There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction

Well done ! Schedule that on your calendar, and I look forward to congratulating you on that occasion

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 29 Accountability Drives Accomplishments Sustainable accountability is not inflicted, it is voluntary Providing continuous support, encouragement and accountability in coaching has the power to literally change lives

For example, "Should you be treated by a psychiatrist? " Mismatched Questions Think about who should ask different questions so that the right person asks the right questions

"What advice would you like me to give you? " is a question that should be answered by a specialist not by the client

" "How was I different? When the final negotiation session ended, the leader of the community organization bolted across the floor, clasped the mediator's hand, and thanked him for being "different from the others

"You listened," was the reply " Chace asked

When they did not do well, I would question them further until they admitted all their wrongdoings and I would force them to commit not to repeat it If they did well, then they were merely doing what was expected of them

' Since I had a very tight schedule, I asked questions very quickly just to get straight to the answers that I was looking for, and I was not interested in listening or learning from others about how I could help them develop If they refused to confess their mistakes, then I would ask threatening questions like, 'Do you know that many other people are waiting to get this job?

1 There are two major elements to empathy

2 The cognitive component: Understanding the other's feelings and taking their perspective

'" The key words in both these definitions are impartial and nonjudgmental " Coaching expert, Noble Manhattan reaffirms that coaching "provides a confidential, non- judgmental, impartial and completely personalized support structure that enables the individual to achieve far more than they ever would 'doing it alone

As we've discussed in previous coaching principles, the coach needs to set aside his biases and prejudices and turn off his inner dialogue so he can be fully present When the coach becomes an impartial and nonjudgmental third-party observer, the perspective that he can offer is a clear and unobstructed one

It turned out that when she said she was motivated to complete her research project she was trying to please her husband (and us! As a result we asked her if there were other more important goals that might need her attention

By applying deep listening, observation and asking further questions, we eventually found out that her heart's longing was to pursue acting rather than academic research ) because she had verbally committed to do that research project earlier

We have already judged our clients and found them guilty as charged " are "judgmental" if not accusatory questions

Clients are the experts on their own lives Coaches are not experts on other people

A client once relayed her frustration and hurt feelings with a coach who continually glanced at his watch while supposedly "listening" to her story Nowhere is this truer than in a coaching relationship

Clients know when they haven't been listened to Another client shared his disappointment and annoyance when a coach seemed more interested in a magazine article on top of her desk than in what he had to say

Telling is a direct, and, at times, fast way to get things done; however—and this is the point of this chapter—telling results in compliance rather than commitment from others On the surface, it seems efficient

Coaching is not about telling people what to do or providing simple answers or solutions to their questions or problems Too much telling and not enough listening can also short-circuit your effectiveness as a coach

After that clarity has been achieved, you will be able to work through implementation plans with them " (Deep Listening + Observation + Intuition + Curiosity + Great Questions) + Repetition = Insightful Discovery This process, when used effectively over and over during a coaching conversation, unleashes insightful discovery for your clients

Deep Listening and Observation Deep listening means listening in order to understand what the client is really saying, then being able to identify what is really important to them You can then support them in taking action to produce the desired results

How can he best do this? He should resist the temptation to take sides, judge the client's actions, and jump to conclusions

Empathy is the ability to put one's self in another person's position, to enter into the mindset of another person in order to better understand that person's emotions or feelings One of the ways to be impartial and nonjudgmental is for the coach to listen with empathy

It is better to clarify than to assume Consider the quality of the information

Even when the temptation is great, let's not jump to premature conclusions until we have enough information to fully understand what was said or what has taken place Find out more information that is relevant to the situation before we say or do anything

It is very easy to jump to conclusions in our personal and professional lives Premature Conclusions Jumping to premature conclusions means to judge or decide something without having all the facts; to reach unwarranted conclusions

Have you ever had a visit to a doctor who just gave you a prescription without doing a thorough diagnosis of what was wrong with your health? Have you ever jumped to a conclusion, or even a solution, without considering all the facts?

However, hearing is a physical act Listening and Its Importance When asked about the meaning of listening, some people would say listening means hearing

Hearing acknowledges sounds, whereas listening requires that we understand what was said Listening is an intellectual and emotional act

But he was surprised to find out that the type of questions he was used to asking as a manager did not make him a good coach He thought he was good at asking questions

I used to ask questions mainly to find out if people were either doing their jobs well or otherwise "I want to tell you what happened to me after I practiced coaching extensively and received the right coaching and coach training

Our emotions are strongly determined by how much we talk to ourselves and how we interpret the events happening around us It can act as a filter on what we are listening to from others and can be biased if it is not checked

In his online article "The Inner Dialogue," Remez Sasson says: "These inner dialogues bring about a snowball effect A great deal of energy, time, and attention can be wasted on small and insignificant incidents just because they are continually being replayed in our minds

Being present with someone means being on his agenda, available to interact with him, able to let him know you understand his situation, challenges, resistance, and fears In fact, referring back to the previous principle, in order to listen to someone, you have to be present

In other words, it means to be in the moment, to enjoy that moment To be present means you fully accept where you are and who you are with in your life

S Jonathon Chace, associate director of the U

It involved the construction of a highway that would physically divide a community containing a public housing project Community Relations Service, recalls a highly charged community race-related conflict he responded to more than 30 years ago when he was a mediator in the agency's mid-Atlantic office

It is trying to see things from the other person's point of view To empathize with another person does not mean agreeing or disagreeing

It is listening with the heart in an attempt to understand Ray Schafer says empathy involves the inner experience of sharing in and comprehending the momentary psychological state of another person

I've learned from my shortcomings and keep working to improve my skill in asking great questions, with regular practice, reflection, and time for feedback from others I still do make occasional mistakes when asking coaching questions, but I become quickly aware of it when they occur

Now he has started coaching his two teenage sons instead of shouting at them " The most recent leadership survey in Daniel's company showed he was ranked among the top three people who made a difference to other leaders by coaching and developing people

I simply tackle one problem and concentrate all efforts on what I am doing at the moment Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cybernetics: A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life, says, "You can do only one thing at a time

Observe them closely, and use your intuition " When you are listening during the coaching conversation, focus on what the client is saying and not saying

If you are in a coaching conversation, be there If you are doing paperwork, be there

Our clients need us to be there fully with them and for them As coaches, we cannot afford to be there only some of the time

He was assigned to coach six staff members in the company but they were reporting to the director of marketing " This was Daniel's way of communicating and he used this same approach in coaching

Our coaching conversations never went beyond two meetings "The people I was supposed to coach would give excuses that they were busy

If you were not present, as sometimes unintentionally happens, acknowledge it and gracefully ask the person to recap what they just said so you are back on track with them Be aware of your thoughts, and if your thoughts have drifted away, bring yourself back to the present

Our internal dialogue is the constant chatter that goes on in our heads Turn Off Your Inner Dialogue Another challenge for us is the continuous conversation going on in our heads from the moment we wake up every morning until we finally fall asleep at night

" This is the power of focus According to Barbara De Angelis, a relationship consultant and author, "Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer

Prior to the coaching conversation, systematically remove distractions from the environment How can we focus on this "coaching moment"?

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 19 Be Impartial and Nonjudgmental An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, to step inside his or her shoes A wise coach keeps an open mind and does not make assumptions about people

Scott Peck, MD BusinessDictionary.com defines coaching as "impartial and non- judgmental feedback on performance —M

—Author Unknown The Cookie Thief Story In one of our Chicken Soup for the Soul stories, there was a young lady waiting for her flight at the airport —Brian Tracy PRINCIPLE 18 Avoid Jumping to Premature Conclusions Jumping to conclusions seldom leads to happy landings

She also bought a packet of cookies Since she had to wait for several hours to board that flight, she decided to buy a book to pass the time

Sympathy means feeling pity and sorrow for someone's misfortune, like having pity for fire or flood victims Empathy and sympathy are not synonymous

Simon Baron-Cohen defines empathy as spontaneously and naturally tuning into the other person's thoughts and feelings, whatever these may be Empathy is the ability to step into another's shoes, identify with and understand his or her situation, feelings, and motives

—Bernard Baruch OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 4 LISTENING AND INTUITION PRINCIPLE 16 Listen Rather Than Tell Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why

Sit down —Winston Churchill Come here

" It can be very challenging indeed when a less experienced coach is faced with the challenge of asking the right questions "I found that they respond to me with appreciation, and things at home are much happier than ever before

Some skills such as riding a bicycle stick with us for life With lots of practice over time, you will know better how to ask great questions, questions that evoke self-discovery and release creative and effective solutions

The coach observes the gesture, tone, hesitation, choice of words, body language, motion, innuendo, and tactics in listening to what people are saying Ira Chaleff, in her online article, "How to Choose A Coach," asserts that an effective coach is a keen, "hawk-eyed" observer

The coach listens not only with his ears but with his eyes and other senses to collect information Keen observation requires a clear mind

"Oh my, she shouldn't have done that," or "That must have cost a lot," or "I think I better consult this person It could be playbacks from the past, judgments about people and situations, comments on what is going on, and plans for the future

This inner conversation that we have with ourselves can be positive or negative " This inner dialogue continues throughout the day while we're working, eating our meals, driving to work, and, unfortunately, while we're talking to others

People are so multitasked that they do not stop and think for a moment In a fast-paced world with our busy schedules, people and things can easily interrupt us

We too need a time to be still, to be silent It is said that in great music, it is the silence between the notes that makes the music

It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen " To build a solid coaching relationship, great coaches prefer to listen rather than tell

—Peter Chee and Serely Alcaraz Being Present One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is to be present —Oliver Wendell Holmes PRINCIPLE 17 Be Present and Turn Off Your Inner Dialogue Our presence is a present to the people we coach

" A skilled listener takes information from others while remaining nonjudgmental and empathic, and acknowledges the speaker in a way that invites the communication to continue Here, the challenge is to enter into the private world of the speaker, to understand without judging actions or feelings

—Peter Senge When you choose to listen rather than tell, you stay fully present for your client; you avoid jumping to premature conclusion; you remain impartial and nonjudgmental; and when you ask great questions, you are able to draw out a lot of valuable data from your client —Madelyn Burley-Allen PRINCIPLE 20 Listen Deeply, Use Observation and Intuition The essence of mastering systems thinking as a management discipline lies in seeing patterns where others see only events and forces to react to

4 What does it feel like?

5 In what way do you feel a very strong impulse in your heart?

Act as if each word costs $1,000 Think of your affirmation as an advertising jingle

5 It needs to be short enough and memorable enough to be easily remembered

4 Is there any fear that might be holding you back?

5 Tell me, is there anything that really worries you?

4 They are still lacking good enough ideas about how to achieve their goal (shift back to the Exploration Paradigm and then back to the Analysis Paradigm)

5 They are still not clear enough about their goals (shift to the Goals Paradigm)

4 They feel unhappy, misunderstood, angry, disappointed, and stressed

5 They need someone to listen to and care for them and understand the difficulties they are going through so that they can start to feel better

4 How many criteria do you have to help you make a choice?

5 What would be your main criteria?

4 They will become anchored together

5 Whenever a particular negative thought, feeling, fear, or self-sabotage is about to emerge, replace this by switching immediately to step 3

4 What creative steps can you take to get to your goal?

5 Which of these ways are practical and realistic?

What areas of your life are you most satisfied with? 5

What areas of your life are you least satisfied with? 6

What lasting benefit and satisfaction would you derive from attaining your objective? 3

How will your life be different after attaining this goal? 4

In what way would attaining this goal bring you satisfaction and joy? Satisfying 1

How would achieving this goal fulfill your heart's longing? 2

16 What do you most want to accomplish before you come to the end of your life?

How would you describe it? Think of a situation when you did something that you really felt you were born to do

" What might your affirmation or mantra sound like? An example of a mantra you could use could be "Opportunities always come to me, and I give thanks

How would you like to use this affirmation or mantra to activate the Law of Attraction? 16

I believe that you have the power within you to conquer this challenge 23

How would you react? I want you to access your deepest wisdom

,' as he became known to me, hired me at once and for over twenty years I have grown in his enterprises and we both have prospered J

Howard Z " Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties

Funkhouser, whose rise from poverty to riches intrigued Mr J

However, he was known for being inaccessible to job seekers Harriman

' Once you bought it, you have to keep it " 'All sales are final

" "But this was damaged merchandise," Mrs Sew up the lining yourself

"Yes, I have relatives who are just waiting till I die so they can get that car " she exclaimed

" "If you don't want to give it to them, you can very easily sell it to a secondhand dealer," he told her But they are not going to get it

Who are the people who could work with you on this dream? Team-based 1

How are other people supporting your dream? 2

" "I am a slow learner Some typical limiting beliefs are derived from personal perceptions: "I am bad with figures

" "I don't know how to talk properly " "I'm so stupid

" He then asked me what I thought was the reason for his success He said, "Hard work," and I said, "Don't be funny

" "No I replied: "I understand you can call ten thousand people by their first names

I'm not even a relative of yours I appreciate your generosity, of course; but I couldn't possibly accept it

" "Relatives! I have a new car, and you have many relatives that would like to have that Packard

10 What benefits have you enjoyed since achieving the goals?

11 What other pending goals do you have to achieve?

You didn't discover a new truth, Mr I had made more headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in him and his problems than I could have made in ten years trying to get him interested in me and my product

" A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere Knaphle, for a long time ago, a hundred years before Christ was born a famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked; "We are interested in others when they are interested in us

I enjoyed it a great deal when it was first built It is beautiful, isn't it?

" Adamson walked over and rubbed his hand across a panel But I come down here now with a lot of other things on my mind and sometimes don't even see the room for weeks at a time

He thanked me for calling this to his attention and assured me that my problem would be taken care of 'I thought you might want to be aware of any situation that might tarnish your fine reputation,' I added

" Aesop was a Greek slave who lived at the court of Croesus and spun immortal fables six hundred years before Christ Not only did he personal get involved, but he also lent me his car to use while mine was being repaired

For example, when using a technique that enables a person to switch from feeling negative and angry to being positive and happy, rather than telling them something like, "You have a wonderful sense of humor, and this is something that you should love about yourself," you would ask questions such as, "What do you love about yourself? As a coach, you provide the structure and process but the contents that fill them should come from your clients as a result of your asking effective questions

" Although the eight themes of the Achievers Coaching Techniques seem to flow in a logical order, you do not necessarily need to apply them in this sequence " Bear in mind Coaching Principle 16, which states, "Listen Rather than Tell

Here it is: "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do All right

" An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do

Just what you and I would do, of course; he-smiled back at the baby What did that gentleman do?

" An insincere grin? Soon he struck up a conversation with the woman about her baby and his grandchildren, and soon the entire reception room joined in, and the boredom and tension were converted into a pleasant and enjoyable experience

" When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? I've been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and in all that time I ain't heard no word to let me know you wasn't just eating hay

" And I'd bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way It was "lack of appreciation

Friends, real friends, are not made that way If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends

" And historians doubt whether he could rely even on her Napoleon tried it, and in his last meeting with Josephine he said: "Josephine, I have been as fortunate as any man ever was on this earth; and yet, at this hour, you are the only person in the world on whom I can rely

There's no one to show me I don't know how

" And on and on I'm not smart enough

He who can do this has the whole world with him and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want

" Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants He who cannot walks a lonely way

The law is this: Always make the other person feel important But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble

" As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated

So she said: "Oh, Mr She had discovered that I had once been Lowell Thomas' manager before he went on the radio and that I had traveled in Europe a great deal while helping him prepare the illustrated travel talks he was then delivering

" As we sat down on the sofa, she remarked that she and her husband had recently returned from a trip to Africa Carnegie, I do want you to tell me about all the wonderful places you have visited and the sights you have seen

" Then Chaliapin would sigh and say, "Perhaps you had better come over later in the day It will only cost you a couple of thousand dollars, but that is nothing in comparison to your reputation

" At five o'clock, Mr Come at five and see how I feel then

And while we are on the subject, who gave you the lordly right to order me around? Don't you know I am just as busy as you are - or, at least, I like to think I am

" At last, at last, you have begun to see my viewpoint You say it will be "mutually helpful

Again he would insist on canceling the engagement and again Chaliapin would sigh and say, "Well, maybe you had better come to see me later Hurok would again rush to his hotel, dripping with sympathy

" At seven-thirty the great basso would consent to sing, only with the understanding that Mr I may be better then

" Often parents are tempted to criticize their children Instead, he put his big arm around the man's shoulder and said, "To show you I'm sure that you'll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow

" But I will not, I am merely going to say, "Before you criticize them, read one of the classics of American journalism, 'Father Forgets You would expect me to say "don't

But, in addition to that, Thurston had a genuine interest in people Everything he did, every gesture, every intonation of his voice, every lifting of an eyebrow had been carefully rehearsed in advance, and his actions were timed to split seconds

" But Thurston's method was totally different He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, "Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, a bunch of hicks; I'll fool them all right

Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York P

" But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? "He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather

History sparkles with amusing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance Yes, the one significant difference between Dillinger and Rockefeller is how they got their feeling of importance

" Catherine the Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to "Her Imperial Majesty"; and Mrs Even George Washington wanted to be called "His Mightiness, the President of the United States"; and Columbus pleaded for the title "Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India

The accountability question I'll ask her to put to me is: "Henry, are you starting to feel down? I sense that she knows me well enough not to be surprised

" Coach: Well done " If my answer is yes then she will follow up with the second question: "Would you like to call your wife right now?

I sold myself on its superior qualities and ordered it installed I felt that the idea of buying that equipment for the hospital was my own

" Colonel Edward M " Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay "Self-Reliance" stated: "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty

How did I get the other person to act that way? What did I do or not do to create that result?

" Dr What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?

Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important Eliot, "There is no mystery about successful business intercourse

" Eliot himself was a past master of the art of listening, Henry James, one of America's first great novelists, recalled: "Dr Nothing else is so flattering as that

If what I said upset you, I apologize I meant well and was trying to help with that

" Feedback can also be given in a form of a question or a statement followed by a question I did not mean to do that

"The following Sunday at church, after she had reported the results of her assignment, several women with whom she had been studying came up to me and said, 'That was the most considerate thing I have ever heard Needless to say, I was extremely glad I had not criticized her as she had requested

" Florenz Ziegfeld, the most spectacular producer who ever dazzled Broadway, gained his reputation by his subtle ability to "glorify the American girl ' It was then I realized the power of appreciation

I wouldn't mind working in a room like this myself Eastman, I've been admiring your office

" George Eastman replied: "You remind me of something I had almost forgotten I'm in the interior-woodworking business, and I never saw a more beautiful office in all my life

Instead, they tell stories filled with increasingly irrelevant details that multiply in complexity even as they keep repeating themselves Many clients tell the coach about lots of things and give long explanations, but in the end they forget to answer or avoid the coach's question

" Hakan Arabacioglu, a life coach based in Istanbul, Turkey, gave this analogy: Imagine that the client is lost and trying to find his orientation in life In his online article, "How Can You Move the Client from Complexity to Simplicity in Coaching?

Henry: My seventeen-year-old daughter seems to be having frequent outbursts and she avoids talking to me Is there any other way that this trap is affecting your life?

" Hang on there! I think it's just part of the "growing pains," you know, that "teenager thing

I felt that the writer must be very big and busy and important " I was quite impressed

" He never troubled to answer the letter I wasn't the slightest bit busy, but I was eager to make an impression on Richard Harding Davis, so I ended my short note with the words: "Dictated but not read

You have only to speak and I will see that you get it For example, he once wrote to a man who had aroused his ire: "The thing for you is a burial permit

" He ordered: "Set the matter according to my copy hereafter and see that the proofreader retains his suggestions in the mush of his decayed brain " On another occasion he wrote to an editor about a proofreader's attempts to "improve my spelling and punctuation

Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; he agreed to defend the chain stores, and then went straight to an executive of the chain-store organization that he despised and said: "I am not here to try to sell fuel We staged a debate between members of the course on whether the spread of the chain store is doing the country more harm than good

" He then told about his debate and said, "I have come to you for help because I can't think of anyone else who would be more capable of giving me the facts I want I have come to ask you to do me a favor

He loaded me down with facts, figures, reports and correspondence He telephoned some of his associates

" Here is another illustration: C In the parlance of newspaper reporters, I had a scoop

Am I good enough? Rowland?

" I had to leave at that point because tears were coming to my eyes " "Yes, Chris, you are good enough

"I realized why I had failed for years to sell him," said Mr After that, this buyer ordered scores of other sketches from Wesson, all drawn according to the buyer's ideas

" I had urged him to buy what I thought he ought to have Wesson

"No," he replied, "I know what those adults want Finally they approached one of the world's outstanding authorities on adult education and asked him if he knew of any book that met the needs of this group

" I knew from experience that this statement was true, for I myself had been searching for years to discover a practical, working handbook on human relations But the book they need has never been written

11 How do you feel right now?

12 How would you describe your emotions and reaction to this situation?

11 What did you do?

12 What outcome did you get from what you did?

" This hard-boiled editor stopped twice in the course of his talk on fiction writing and apologized for preaching a sermon "If the author doesn't like people," he said, "people won't like his or her stories

" If that is true of writing fiction, you can be sure it is true of dealing with people face-to-face "I am telling you," he said, "the same things your preacher would tell you, but remember, you have to be interested in people if you want to be a successful writer of stories

You gave the Red Cross the donation because you wanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act Yes, that is no exception to the rule

" If you hadn't wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution " Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me

Dr " Martin Luther King was asked how, as a pacifist, he could be an admirer of Air Force General Daniel "Chappie" James, then the nation's highest-ranking black officer

" In a similar way, General Robert E King replied, "I judge people by their own principles - not by my own

Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly your own

" In an article in Bits and Pieces,* some suggestions are made on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument: Welcome the disagreement Even killing the dog would not cure the bite

When you coach, use your curiosity and ask powerful questions and then listen deeply, observe and use your intuition to take notice of patterns of behavior, and observe its effects Instead, she took him on a journey of self-discovery which motivated him to invent his own solutions

" In the case of ineffective patterns, the answer is usually no Then ask more powerful questions such as, "Are these the effects and outcomes that you want?

But there is one longing - almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep - which is seldom gratified Almost all these wants are usually gratified-all except one

" It is what Dewey calls the "desire to be important It is what Freud calls "the desire to be great

The mere words should have been of interest to him, but the sound of Pennies hitting the floor really stopped him He quickly became more attentive

" It works in home life as well I was able to get an order from him to replace all of his old machines

"I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong At the end of the meeting when I actually presented my system, they enthusiastically accepted it

" Let's take another example - and remember these cases I am citing are typical of the experiences of thousands of other people You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion

Finally the waters receded and Lee escaped over the Potomac with his forces He refused point-blank to attack Lee

" Lincoln cried to his son Robert Lincoln was furious, " What does this mean?

" The next time we are tempted to admonish somebody, /let's pull a five-dollar bill out of our pocket, look at Lincoln's picture on the bill, and ask How would he solve this problem?

" Mark Twain lost his temper occasionally and wrote letters that turned the Paper brown "How would Lincoln handle this problem if he had it?

When you come across a suggestion that you feel you can use, draw a line beside it Read with a crayon, pencil, pen, magic marker or highlighter in your hand

" Marking and underscoring a book makes it more interesting, and far easier to review rapidly If it is a four-star suggestion, then underscore every sentence or highlight it, or mark it with "****

That strike ended with a compromise settlement within a week-ended without any ill feeling or rancor Such an event had never been heard of before in the long, tempestuous history of American labor wars

" No bulldozing Daniel Webster, who looked like a god and talked like Jehovah, was one of the most successful advocates who ever pleaded a case; yet he ushered in his most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as: "It will be for the jury to consider," "This may perhaps be worth thinking of," " Here are some facts that I trust you will not lose sight of," or "You, with your knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of these facts

Below the bust are carved these wise words from General Obregon's philosophy: "Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you I recently saw a bust of Mexican hero General Alvaro Obregon in the Chapultepec palace in Mexico City

" No! Be afraid of the friends who flatter you

Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you? Will he share your pleasure?

" Nobody appreciated the truth of Woodrow Wilson's statement more than John D "If you come at me with your fists doubled," said Woodrow Wilson, "I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,' we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together

I frequently am " There's magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: "I may be wrong

" Nobody in the heavens above or on earth beneath or in the waters under the earth will ever object to your saying: "I may be wrong Let's examine the facts

They always return home Let's realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons

" On the morning of April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln lay dying in a hall bedroom of a cheap lodging house directly across the street from Ford's Theater, where John Wilkes Booth had shot him Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have

This, Allan concluded, would be adding value to people by engaging his greatest talent and passion Allan agreed, and after working for 30 minutes on this, they shifted into the Decision Paradigm where his coach helped him to make his own decision on the key focus of his life purpose

" Once Allan made the decision to focus on this, he and his coach spent the remaining 25 minutes of the coaching conversation coming up with a clear step-by-step action plan on how he could live a purpose-driven life With some suggestions from his coach, Allan then crafted his life purpose statement: "To coach and train leaders to be the best they can be with love and gratitude

He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel mills This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie's leadership

" One way to warm it up," he said, "is to remember people's names Benton Love, chairman of Texas Commerce Banc-shares, believes that the bigger a corporation gets, the colder it becomes

" "Things never work out the way I hope " Some of these beliefs derive from negative past experiences: "People are dishonest and cannot be trusted

" Others stem from failed relationships: "I will always have problems with my love life " "There are always more problems than I anticipate

The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world Yet the truths he taught about human nature are just as true in Boston and Birmingham now as they were twenty-six centuries ago in Athens

" Principle 4 - Begin in a friendly way Remember what Lincoln said: "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall

" "Talk to people about themselves," said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire I frequently reinforce this by expressing my appreciation for what she does and showing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant

" Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely "Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours

They also had things to boast about and were more excited about telling me about their accomplishments than about listening to my boasting After listening to some of the suggestions made in this course, I started to talk about myself less and listen more to my associates

" Principle 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking Now, when we have some time to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my achievements when they ask

Dr John Dewey, one of America's most profound philosophers, phrased it a bit differently

" Remember that phrase: "the desire to be important Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important

" The little girl loved to imitate her mother, to feel big and grown up; so one morning they put her on a chair and let her make the breakfast food So the parents asked themselves: "How can we make her want to do it?

" She ate two helpings of the cereal without any coaxing, because she was interested in it At just the psychological moment, Father drifted into the kitchen while she was stirring the cereal and she said: "Oh, look, Daddy, I am making the cereal this morning

As the old couplet says: "Once I did bad and that I heard ever/Twice I did good, but that I heard never If they don't like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates; if they do like it, they say nothing

" That he said, frankly, was one of the outstanding reasons for the phenomenal success of Andrew Carnegie " "In my wide association in life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world," Schwab declared, "I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism

" That's bad Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and-so to you

" That is a challenge That's tantamount to saying: "I'm smarter than you are, I'm going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind

"If there is any one secret of success," said Henry Ford, "it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships

" That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time " That is so good, I want to repeat it: "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own

"Come into my room," he said " Pullman's face brightened

" That talk made industrial history "Let's talk it over

"'Here are some uncompleted sketches "I want you to do me a little favor, if you will," he said

" The buyer looked at the sketches for a while without uttering a word Won't you please tell me how we could finish them up in such a way that you could use them?

If three people tell you you're a horse, there's a conspiracy afoot As our friend and consultant Jack Rosenblum likes to say, "If one person tells you you're a horse, they're crazy

" The point is that if several people are telling you the same thing, there is probably some truth in it If 10 people tell you you're a horse, it's time to buy a saddle

11 What do you want to be in the future?

12 What things would you like to do and experience in the future?

He was a friendly, harmless little hound; and since we rarely met anyone in the park, I took Rex along without a leash or a muzzle I frequently walked in this park with Rex, my little Boston bulldog

"'What do you mean by letting that dog run loose in the park without a muzzle and leash? One day we encountered a mounted policeman in the park, a policeman itching to show his authority

" Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do and speak all the good I know of everybody

"A great man shows his greatness," said Carlyle, "by the way he treats little men But it takes character and self-control to be under-standing and forgiving

During our discussions prior to her starting her lessons with me, I did not mention anything to her about her nails Norris reported: "I knew her long fingernails would be a barrier for her in her desire to play well

"After her first lesson, when I felt the time was right, I said: 'Babette, you have attractive hands and beautiful fingernails I didn't want to discourage her from taking lessons, and I also knew she would not want to lose that which she took so much pride in and such great care to make attractive

We walked out to the car that was being unloaded, and I requested that they continue to unload so that I could see how things were going "When I arrived at the plant, I found the purchasing agent and the lumber inspector in a wicked humor, both set for an argument and a fight

"After watching him for a while it began to dawn on me that his inspection actually was much too strict and that he was misinterpreting the rules I asked the inspector to go right ahead and lay out the rejects, as he had been doing, and to put the good pieces in another pile

They don't want to become public speakers, and they don't want to listen to a lot of high sounding talk about psychology; they want suggestions they can use immediately in business, in social contacts and in the home It also revealed that their second interest is in developing skill in human relationships - they want to learn the technique of getting along with and influencing other people

"All right," said the people making the survey So that was what adults wanted to study, was it?

As Pickett's beaten and bloody troops struggled back to the Confederate lines, Robert E But Lee was far too noble to blame others

"All this has been my fault," he confessed Lee rode out to meet them all alone and greeted them with a selfcondemnation that was little short of sublime

My father was dead; my mother and I lived alone in a small apartment and we were on welfare I knew that I could only look forward to months of confinement, convalescence and pain

"As the day went on, I became overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness, despair and fear My mother was unable to visit me that day

Several times it seemed as though he was half talking to himself as he was thinking through each thought "As he talked about these advantages to me, he talked himself out of each negative thought he had when he came in for the interview

"Because I had been a good listener and let Dick do most of the talking, he was able to weigh both sides fairly in his mind, and he came to the positive conclusion, which was a challenge he created for himself At times I was tempted to add to his thoughts; however, as the interview came to a close I felt he had convinced himself, very much on his own, that he would like to work for my firm

I emphasized that my only reason for asking was in order that we could give his firm exactly what they wanted in future shipments I didn't for one instant insinuate that the inspector was wrong

"By asking questions in a very friendly, cooperative spirit, and insisting continually that they were right in laying out boards not satisfactory to their purpose, I got him warmed up, and the strained relations between us began to thaw and melt away wanted in future shipments

He didn't want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuade him to talk The president was vague, general, nebulous

"Frankly, I didn't know what to do," Mr The interview was brief and barren

When the night shift came in, they saw the "6" and asked what it meant " Without another word, Schwab chalked a big figure six on the floor, and walked away

"He asked us how many heats we made, and we told him six "The big boss was in here today," the day people said

His tone gradually became friendly, and presently he was telling me about his children " The inspector straightened up in his chair, leaned back, and talked for a long time about his work, telling me of the clever frauds he had uncovered

"He called at my office three days later and informed me that he had decided to leave the tax return exactly as it was filed As he left, he advised me that he would consider my problem further and give me his decision in a few days

The cost to repair this damage was in excess of two thousand dollars This ruined the furnace and the hot-water heater

"However, I soon found out that the owner of the subdivision had neglected to put in a storm drain near the house which could have prevented this problem I made an appointment to see him I had no insurance to cover this type of damage

He argued and I argued Boynton explains, "I found myself sidetracked into a futile discussion of the methods used in the investigation

"I finally won my point, to my own satisfaction - but my time was up, the interview was over, and I still hadn't produced results He told me I was wrong, and I tried to prove that I was right

He then confessed that when I first came to share my office with his firm he thought me a terrible grouch - and only recently changed his mind One of his clerks is a likable young chap, and I was so elated about the results I was getting that I told him recently about my new philosophy of human relations

"I have also eliminated criticism from my system He said I was really human when I smiled

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company Let's remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow

"I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff In an issue of the publication of the National Bank of North America of New York, the following letter from Madeline Rosedale, a depositor, was published: * * Eagle, publication of the Natirmal Bank of North America, h-ew York, March 31, 1978

A little different texture from Italian oak "This is English oak, isn't it?

"Imported English oak " "Yes," Eastman replied

I had long dreamed of visiting such historic sites as the Civil War battlefield in Gettysburg, Independence Hall in Philadelphia, and our nation's capital Davis of Tulsa, Oklahoma, told his class how he applied this principle: "My family and I enjoyed one of the most interesting sightseeing vacation trips we have ever taken

"In March my wife, Nancy, mentioned that she had ideas for our summer vacation which included a tour of the western states, visiting points of interest in New Mexico, Arizona, California and Nevada Valley Forge, James-town and the restored colonial village of Williamsburg were high on the list of things I wanted to see

And at last he saw that the mistake was on their part for not having specified as good a grade as they needed He finally got to the point where he felt guilty every time he put a piece in the rejected pile

"In that one instance alone, a little tact, and the determination to refrain from telling the other man he was wrong, saved my company a substantial amount of cash, and it would be hard to place a money value on the good will that was saved "The ultimate outcome was that he went through the entire carload again after I left, accepted the whole lot, and we received a check in full

I could plainly see that this society was not only his hobby, it was the passion of his life He talked to me for half an hour about the Greeters, his tones vibrant with enthusiasm

"In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread Before I left his office, he had 'sold' me a membership in his organization

You can listen to him first and then choose the right time (when he talks about a conflict he would like to solve) For example, if you are coaching a person who has been facing a lot of conflicts at home because of his lack of emotional control, asking direct questions arising from feedback given by family members could result in more defensive behavior and resistance to change

"It appears like whenever your wife gets stressed out, it makes you angry, and this is followed by a series of heated arguments At that time, offer some feedback, and ask him what he would like to do to handle his challenge

Sometimes I was inclined to pat myself on the back a little after one of these sessions Of course, as the years passed, these blunders became less frequent

"It helped me improve my ability to make decisions - and it aided me enormously in all my contacts with people This system of self-analysis, self-education, continued year after year, did more for me than any other one thing I have ever attempted

We continued to chat for a while ' " 'Well, I guess you're right,' he admitted

"It took me years and cost me countless thousands of dollars in lost business before I finally learned that it doesn't pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person's viewpoint and try to get that person saying 'yes, yes Then he called his secretary and lined up approximately $35,000 worth of business for the ensuing month

"Yes," she replied, "that is precisely the year it was built " he inquired

"It's beautiful " "It reminds me of the house I was born in," he said

Dale Carnegie) -------------------------- How This Book Was Written-And Why by Dale Carnegie During the first thirty-five years of the twentieth century, the publishing houses of America printed more than a fifth of a million different books Dorothy Carnegie (Mrs

"Many," did I say? Most of them were deadly dull, and many were financial failures

His parents used the usual method The child was underweight and refused to eat properly

"Mother wants you to eat this and that They scolded and nagged

I was busy every night that week, but I canceled a dinner appointment in order to look over the equipment It made me feel important

"Nobody had tried to sell it to me The more I studied it, the more I discovered for myself how much I liked it

That is a big advantage, for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures " Then I went on to say: "You will have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions

"Now, let's 'consider the disadvantages If I tie your ballroom up for twenty nights during the course of the season, it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you

"As I entered his office, he was busy on the phone "The second time, I didn't bother with tabulations of figures and data, I went to see this man, I dramatized my facts I

"On each jar, I had a tag itemizing the results of the trade investigation, And each tag told its story briefly, dramatically While he finished his conversation, I opened a suitcase and dumped thirty-two jars of cold cream on top of his desk - all products he knew - all competitors of his cream

I took her aside and said, 'Paulette, you must understand that I cannot accept your resignation You mean a great deal to me and to this company, and you are as important to the success of this restaurant as I am "I could not, of course, accept this resignation without some explanation

"Paulette withdrew her resignation, and today I can rely on her as never before ' I repeated this in front of the entire staff, and I invited her to my home and reiterated my confidence in her with my family present

"You bought this at a special sale," she said The clerk refused even to listen to her complaint

"Read that," she exclaimed She pointed to a sign on the wall

The image creates an experience of fear That thought stimulates a picture of you forgetting a key point

"See, I knew I would forget what I was going to say The fear clouds your clear thinking that makes you forget one of your key points that reinforces your self-talk that you can't speak in front of groups

12 " What reasons do you have in your life (at work) to be happy?

13 What could you do to create more positive thoughts and happy feelings?

I asked her how she would like to visit the places she had learned about on our next vacation history in junior high school and had become very interested in the events that had shaped our country's growth

"Two evenings later as we sat around the dinner table, Nancy announced that if we all agreed, the summer's vacation would be to the eastern states, that it would he a great trip for Anne and thrilling for all of us She said she would love to

" He and his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting, singing songs, making new friends But tonight, recognizing that this would not really help Tim start kindergarten in the best frame of mind, Stan sat down and thought, "If I were Tim, why would I be excited about going to kindergarten?

"We all started finger-painting on the kitchen table-my wife, Lil, my other son Bob, and myself, all having fun Then they put them into action

" "Well, a little dog like that isn't going to harm anybody," the policeman remonstrated " "Sure it's a temptation," I replied, "but it is against the law

"Well now, I think you are taking this a bit too seriously," he told me "No, but he may kill squirrels," I said

Use the question frequently Ask your partner, your friends, your colleagues, your boss, your employees, your clients and other important people

"What can I/we do to make this better? Make it a habit to always ask for feedback

Chamberlain relating his experiences I have in front of me a letter from Mr

"When I called at the White House," Mr "I taught President Roosevelt how to handle a car with a lot of unusual gadgets, but he taught me a lot about the fine art of handling people

I left with my tail between my legs and drove around the town for several hours One day I went up to the owner of the store, and he told me to leave as he was not interested in buying J&J products anymore because he felt they were concentrating their activities on food and discount stores to the detriment of the small drugstore

"When I returned I walked in and as usual said hello to the soda clerk and sales clerk Finally, I decided to go back and try at least to explain our position to the owner of the store

Steinhardt, "and in all that time I seldom smiled at my wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the time I got up until I was ready to leave for business "1 have been married for over eighteen years," wrote Mr

"When you asked me to make a talk about my experience with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week I was one of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broadway

I asked Chris if he would like to be in the advanced class I really felt there was a hidden fire deep inside him

"Who me, Mr How I wish I could express the look in Chris's face, the emotions in that shy fourteen-year-old boy, trying to hold back his tears

"They were all seated around a table, so I wrote on a pad of paper: 'Gentlemen, I have lost my voice I stood up and made a valiant effort to speak, but I couldn't do anything more than squeak

' " 'I'll do the talking for you,' the president said I am speechless

Wouldn't you scald your hand if you held it under a spigot of hot water at a temperature of 147 degrees Fahrenheit? ' " 'Well,' I replied, 'if the mill room is 75 degrees and you add 72 to that, that makes a total of 147 degrees Fahrenheit

' " 'Well,' I suggested, 'wouldn't it he a good idea to keep your hands off those motors? ' "Again he had to say 'yes

He even brought out their pedigrees and explained about the bloodlines responsible for such beauty and intelligence ' "He spent almost an hour showing me his dogs and the prizes they had won

' " 'Yes, I do,' I replied, 'I have a son "Finally, turning to me, he asked: 'Do you have any small children?

He saw you were interested in boats, and he talked about the things he knew would interest and please you ' " 'Because he is a gentleman

' " And William Lyon Phelps added: "I never forgot my aunt's remark He made himself agreeable

Alice told him that she sometimes made it for the servants, but no one ate it upstairs "When he saw Alice, the kitchen maid," writes Archie Butt, "he asked her if she still made corn bread

' "Alice brought a piece to him on a plate, and he went over to the office eating it as he went and greeting gardeners and laborers as he passed "'They show bad taste,' Roosevelt boomed, 'and I'll tell the President so when I see him

I wanted more, so I named the figure I could afford to pay, and he accepted without a word ' And then, without my even asking him to do it, he offered to reduce my rent a little

' "If I had tried to get the rent reduced by the methods the other tenants were using, I am positive I should have met with the same failure they encountered "As he was leaving, he turned to me and asked, 'What decorating can I do for you?

You have done me a great favor, for if our credit department has annoyed you, it may annoy other good customers, and that would be just too bad When he finally simmered down and got in a receptive mood, I said quietly: 'I want to thank vou for coming to Chicago to tell me about this

' "That was the last thing in the world he expected me to say Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this than you are to tell it

Frankly, it would have been easy for me to list six things I would like to change about her - my heavens, she could have listed a thousand things she would like to change about me - but I didn't He reported to the class: "I was surprised by such a request

' "The next morning I got up very early and called the florist and had them send six red roses to my wife with a note saying: 'I can't think of six things I would like to change about you I said to her, 'Let me think about it and give you an answer in the morning

12 If you were to rank the solutions in terms of priority, what would it look like?

13 What do you think would be the one product, service, process or strategy that could become a breakthrough innovation?

He gave us a few important facts about the coverage and ended saying, 'The policy is so new, I'm going to have someone from the home office come out tomorrow and explain it ) He wanted us to have one of the first issued

' His enthusiasm aroused in us an eager want for this policy even though we still did not have details, When they were made available to us, they confirmed John's initial understanding of the policy, and he not only sold each of us a policy, but later doubled our coverage Now, in the meantime, let's get the applications signed and on the way so he can have more information to work with

Pat won a lot of arguments in those days A little questioning brought out the fact that he was continually scrapping with and antagonizing the very people he was trying to do business with, If a prospect said anything derogatory about the trucks he was selling, Pat saw red and was right at the customer's throat

' Sure I had told him something, but I hadn't sold him anything As he said to me afterward, "I often walked out of an office saving: 'I told that bird something

'I'm waiting to go to kindergarten ' I asked

' The enthusiasm of our entire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished I don't want to be late

"I made it a rule," said Franklin, "to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own, I even forbade myself the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix'd opinion, such as 'certainly,' 'undoubtedly,' etc He began immediately to change his insolent, opinionated ways

' When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny'd myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear'd or seem'd to me some difference, etc , and I adopted, instead of them, 'I conceive,' 'I apprehend, ' or 'I imagine' a thing to be so or so, or 'it so appears to me at present

"Last week I called on a neighborhood grocer and saw that the cash registers he was using at his checkout counters were very oldfashioned Jim Yeamans, who sells for the NCR company (National Cash Register) in Richmond, Virginia, told how he made a sale by dramatic demonstration

' With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor I approached the owner and told him: 'You are literally throwing away pennies every time a customer goes through your line

He paused for a moment and then he said: 'I think it was because managers in the other companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-like manner, which made me feel like just another business transaction, Your voice sounded as if you were glad to hear from me After he started on the job, I asked him why he had chosen us over the others

' You can be assured, I am still answering my phone with a smile that you really wanted me to be part of your organization

What a man! After he left, I spoke of him with enthusiasm

'But why then did he talk all the time about boats? My aunt informed me he was a New York lawyer, that he cared nothing whatever about boats - that he took not the slightest interest in the subject

" 'Well, now look, Mr So I thought of getting the 'yes, yes' response

'I agree with you a hundred percent; if those motors are running too hot, you ought not to buy any more of them Smith,' I said

The next morning, I thought I was the first one up ' With all the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in terms he could understand-telling him all the fun he would have in kindergarten

'What are you doing here? I went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living room chair

He started to tell me how to feed the puppy judge announced

'You'll forget it if I tell you Then he paused

Finally, ask them to assume the goal is already accomplished and to look back to see what they did to achieve the goal, and to see how they grew in that process Ask them to imagine how they will celebrate their achievement and what sort of enduring satisfaction they will experience after the goal is realized

(Further techniques on effective goal setting will be dealt with in Chapter 13 This will help your client own his goals and be fully committed to achieving them

I am glad to see you solving your own problems Coach: You are most welcome

(Henry and his coach laugh Henry: You remind me of a well-known magician

"The same day, John saw us on the sidewalk while returning from a coffee break, and he shouted: 'Hey Luke, hold up, I have some great news for you fellows "One morning, Carl dropped by our office and casually mentioned that his company had just introduced a new life insurance policy for executives and thought we might be interested later on and he would get back to us when he had more information on it

(It was the same policy that Carl had casually mentioned ' He hurried over and very excitedly told us about an executive life insurance policy his company had introduced that very day

" If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity She's much happier as she is

(Schwab later left U One of the first people in American business to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year (when there was no income tax and a person earning fifty dollars a week was considered well off) was Charles Schwab, He had been picked by Andrew Carnegie to become the first president of the newly formed United States Steel Company in 1921, when Schwab was only thirty-eight years old

12 How committed are you to doing this and to winning this challenge?

13 When will you start to implement this technique?

12 Which of the pending goals are still important to you?

13 Which of the pending goals are you committed to continue pursuing?

Respond to the feedback given by making improvements where necessary, and use the feedback to your advantage to continuously become a better coach When you do this, you are more likely to continue receiving valuable feedback in the future

) CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART I To exemplify the process of offering and receiving feedback from a client let's take a look at the first part of a coaching conversation with Henry, a business development manager of an automobile company (Further techniques on giving and receiving feedback will be dealt with in Chapter 16

That would be better than magic In reality, the best way I can serve you is to help you find your own solutions

) Henry: Please help me (Henry and his coach started laughing

8 Use your turnaround statement as an affirmation until you have a new empowering belief in place

* 9 Repeat it many times a day without allowing any doubts to disrupt your thinking for a minimum of 30 days

See Situational Coaching Model (SCM) Coaching Principles , 119 Chace, Jonathon, 90-91 Chaleff, Ira, 95 Challenges, xviii, 22-28 Chan, Jackie, 200 Change, resistance to, 14 Changing behavior to change outcomes, 200-207 Chee, Peter, xiv, 17, 21, 29, 33, 34, 38, 56, 60, 64, 82, 89, 107, 112, 113, 118, 123, 127, 131, 132, 137, 142, 150, 159, 219, 260, 261 Chee, Thomas, xiv Cheong, Angelina, 127 Chicken Soup for the Soul (Canfield/Hansen), xiv, 86 Childre, Doc, 44 Churchill, Winston, 79 Clarifying purpose and vision, xix, 195, 219-224 Clarity in questioning, 68-69 Client, xv Close-ended questions, 67, 72 Co-Active Coaching (Whitworth), 17, 25 Coaches need a coach, xvi, 34-38 Coaching for Performance (Whitmore), 30 Coaching Manual, The (Starr), 70 Coaching model

, 12, 49 Crane, Thomas G See The Coaching Principles (TCP) Coaching Spirit, xvi, 1 Collier, Robert, 246 Collins, Jim, 37 Commitment, xvi, 181-182 lack of, 34 Complacency, 34 Conclusions, jumping to, 86-89 Consent, obtaining, 113-118 Control of thoughts, visualizations, and actions, 202 Conversations, 93-98 Situational Coaching Model (SCM) used in, 186-193 Core strengths, 111-112 Cores of Credibility, 49-50 Cosby, Bill, 43 Covey, Stephen R

Scott, 89 Performance enhanced through visualization, 235-237 Perseverance, xvii, 195, 247, 252 Pessimism, 5 Planning for action, 241-246 See also Positive feelings; Visualization Options-type questions, 67 Out-of-the-box thinking, 67 Outcome, in Event, Response, Outcome equation, 200-207 Outcomes affirming, 231-239 visualizing, 231-239 Over-management, 14 Ownership for goals, xvi P Participative-Appreciative Leadership, 6 Patterns of feedback, 250 Peale, Norman Vincent, 22, 253 Peck, M

, 17-21 Positive feelings, encouraging, 176-178 Potential, believing in, xvi, 3-8 Powell, John, 4 Premature conclusions, 86-89 Present, The (Johnson), 86 Pride, 34 Primary greatness, 12-13 Principles of coaching See also Action plans Poorly expressed questions, 74 Position, using influence vs

See also The Coaching Principles (TCP) Heart of Coaching, The (Crane), 21, 30 Hill, Napoleon, 247, 252 Hollingsworth, Jana, 92 Holmes, Oliver Wendell, 82 Honesty, 46-51 How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie), 41 Humility, 37 Humor, xvi, 39-43 I I Want lists, 225 IBM, 16 Ideal Future technique, 237-239 Identifying strengths, 111-112 Impartiality, xvi, 89-93 Impossible dreams are possible, 261-262 Influence vs See also Action plans breaking down into smaller parts, 242, 245 breakthrough type, 229-230 exemplary coaching questions for, 162-165 I Want lists and, 225 purpose and, 225-226 SMARTEST Goals Technique in, 197, 226-229 Goals Paradigm, xvii, 157, 160-166, 170, 173, 178, 181, 185 Achievers Coaching Techniques (ACT) and, 162 exemplary coaching questions for, 162-165 key questions for, 160 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 165-166 Goleman, Daniel, 112 Good to Great (Collins), 37, 80 Gratitude, 12 Graves, Robert, 96 Greatness, primary and secondary, 12-13 Growing others, xvi, 29-33 H Habits, 202 Hansen, Mark Victor, xii Heart of a coach, xiv-xv, 1-38

, 210 Levi-Strauss, Claude, 61 Life purpose Position, xvi, 17-21 Inner dialogue, xvi, 83-86 Inspiration, 12 Integrity, xvi, 46-51 Intuition, xvi, 79-98, 93-98 J Jobs, Steve, 201 Johnson, Spencer, 86 Joy, 12 Judgmental questions, xvi, 61-64, 72 Jumping to conclusions, xvi, 86-89 K Keller, Helen, 46 Key questions of situational coaching, 160 L Language and thought links, 254-255 Lao Tzu, 13, 14, 17 Larimer, George Horace, 239 Law of Attraction, xvii, 195, 253-260 ego states and, 257-258 language and thought links in, 254-255 Mantra Technique in, 255-256 Leadership Participative-Appreciative method for, 6 self-, 13-15 Leadership Gold (Maxwell), 80 Leading at a Higher Level (Blanchard), 14 Learning, 247, 251 Levi Strauss & Co

Jack has also been a featured guest on more than 1,000 radio and television programs in nearly every major market worldwide—many of them on a repeat basis And he's the only author to have won both the ABBY Award and the Southern California Book Publicist Award in the same year—honoring him as both an outstanding writer and a consummate book marketer

, PBS, QVC and many others A sample of these shows include The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, Inside Edition, The Today Show, Larry King Live, Fox and Friends, The CBS Evening News, The NBC Nightly News, Eye to Eye, CNN's Talk Back Live!

binaries Parts 5 and 6 were scanned and added to this version by me, they were not included (for some reason) in the version which appeared on alt

-Salmun -------------- Contents: Eight Things This Book Will Help You Achieve Preface to Revised Edition How This Book Was Written-And Why Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book A Shortcut to Distinction Part 1 - Fundamental Techniques In Handling People 1 - "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive" 2 - The Big Secret of Dealing with People 3 - "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him e-book

The formula is: E + R = O: (Event + Response = Outcome) The basic idea is this: Every outcome people experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or poverty, health or illness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how they have responded to an earlier event or events in their life Robert Resnick, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, California, talked about a very simple but very important formula that made this idea of 100 percent responsibility even clearer to us

1 If people don't like the outcomes they are currently getting, there are two basic choices they can make

9 What are your career goals?

10 What are your other main goals beyond your job and career?

10 Every time this problem is about to emerge, could you replace it by visualizing and focusing on what you love most about yourself?

11 Could you evoke a very strong feeling of love in your heart by doing this?

10 With all the achievements made so far, how do you feel?

11 What benefits have you enjoyed since achieving the goals?

23 What are they?

24 What concrete evidence have you been able to gather?

It will think of creative ways to solve any problem, overcome any obstacle, and achieve your desired outcomes If you plan your day the night before—making a to-do list and spending a few minutes visualizing exactly how you want the day to go—your subconscious mind will work on these tasks all night long

2 And, if we can believe some of the newer theories of quantum physics, it will also send out waves of energy that will attract the people and resources to you that you need to help accomplish your goals

You seem to be procrastinating Take a look at these examples and see which ones were communicated well: 1

2 Don't you think you just need to make the decision now and then stick to it?

Shift into the Exploration Paradigm When 1 I am very curious; please tell me more

2 Goals are set and people need more creative and innovative ideas on how to achieve their goals

The process entails the following steps: 1 Creative Action Planning Using the Sticky Note Technique This technique uses sticky notes (example: 3M Post-it notes) to micromap from bigger goals to the smaller parts

2 Have the client write her main goals on large color-coded sticky notes

Achievers Coaching Questions for Celebrating Success 1 The following questions provide you with some useful examples of what to ask

2 How and when do you plan to reward yourself?

Achievers Coaching Questions for SMARTEST Goals Specific 1 These are goals that are: Specific Measurable Attainable Relevant Time-bound Engaging Satisfying Team-based Use the following examples to guide you in asking questions that make the goal-setting process more effective

2 How can you define more clearly what you want to accomplish?

Achievers Coaching Questions on Perseverance 1 You provide tremendous value to the people you coach when you are able to help them sustain their efforts and enable them to stay committed to their dreams

2 If this dream is very important and means a lot to you, what will you do to ensure that you persevere to the end?

You seem to be worrying about this unnecessarily Let's take a look at another example: 1

2 Isn't this causing you to lose focus on other more important things?

1 Do you suppose they succeeded?

2 They called on each customer and told him bluntly that they had come to collect a bill that was long past due

Attainable 1 Can you state this objective in a way that your progress can be measured?

2 To what extent do you have control over the attainment of this goal?

The Power of Visualization Here are the reasons why it is highly beneficial for you and your clients to use visualization: 1 Work with the people you coach to create their own affirmations and help them put in place support structures that will ensure that they use their affirmations on a regular and consistent basis

2 Visualization activates the creative powers of your subconscious mind

Exemplary Coaching Questions for Action 1 It's also good practice to end a session in which the client commits to action steps on a high note by acknowledging his commitment and sharing some inspiring words before concluding the session

2 What are the most important action steps that you could take?

Exemplary Coaching Questions for Exploration 1 Listen for what appears to be more significant for your client's success and listen for potentially innovative ideas that could quantum leap his progress

2 What are the wider benefits of pursuing and achieving this goal?

To help your clients identify and utilize their strengths and talents, and to help them eventually discover their life purpose, use the following questions to prepare for a coaching conversation: Achievers Coaching Questions on Talent Talent Assessment 1 Very few organizations do an effective job in placing people in the jobs that engage their strengths and talent

2 What do most people say are your greatest strength and greatest talent?

Shift into the Analysis Paradigm When 1 What have you already tried, and what difference did those things make?

2 Your client already has a lot of good ideas and needs to narrow them down to the most important and effective things to do to attain their goal

Shift out of the Action Paradigm When 1 The coaching conversation is coming to an end and you need to summarize the main action steps to be accomplished by the next coaching conversation or by a specific date

2 Your client has clear and specific action steps with a timeline and has completed a good action plan that he or she is strongly accountable to and committed to put into action

Shift into the Action Paradigm When 1 Can you give me a progress report on your action steps when we meet next time?

2 Your clients have decided on what direction to take and are eager to move into action to realize their goals

Shift out of the Releasing Paradigm When 1 Your clients need to let go of negative emotions that are preventing them from functioning more effectively

2 Your clients have sufficiently released their emotions and feelings and they feel better

19 Which of the goals would you consider to be the most challenging?

20 Among all the goals you've listed, which one would make the biggest difference for you?

19 What are your feelings toward this person?

20 What feelings did you have at that time?

19 For how long?

20 Who are the people who can help you ensure that your action steps are accomplished on time?

21 What else could you do?

22 Assuming you had unlimited resources and you couldn't fail, what would you try?

21 What connection would there be between achieving this goal and your other goals?

22 How do you feel in terms of ownership and commitment to your goal?

21 What resources will you need?

22 What might you need to give up to make this happen?

23 On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated are you to pursue this goal?

24 How can we make this goal more specific and measurable so we know when you have achieved it?

Many Olympic and professional athletes now employ the power of visualization And though none of us were ever taught this in school, sports psychologists and peak performance experts have been popularizing the power of visualization since the 1980s

7 million in winnings, once said, "I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp, in-focus picture of it in my head Jack Nicklaus, the legendary golfer with more than 100 tournament victories and over $5

7 Make this a gesture that reminds you of this strongest feeling of love and appreciation

8 As you are in this state, ask yourself what would be a more effective response to one of the stressful and negative situations you identified in step 1

7 What can you do about it?

8 In what way might you want to revise your goal so that it would depend more on you and less on others to achieve it?

7 They need to establish ways for you and for them to know how they are progressing with their action steps

8 It's time for you to help your clients establish support structures to increase their chances of succeeding with their action steps

7 What part of your dream have you not explored yet?

8 What are all the possible solutions that you can think of?

7 In what ways are your goals aligned with your life purpose?

8 What are your goals in your current job?

7 Would you let it go?

8 When will you let it go?

8 When will you do that?

9 How will you celebrate and rejoice in your achievements?

8 Is this something that you want to replace?

9 How would you feel if you succeeded in overcoming this?

Congratulations! 8

9 How would you like to celebrate your success?

8 What thoughts and actions are needed for you to do that?

9 What can you focus on in your life that would evoke feelings of gratitude and joy?

8 Which one do you think is best?

9 What is your assessment of this?

You mail me a cheap form letter - a letter scattered far and wide like the autumn leaves - and you have the gall to ask me, when I am worried about the mortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, to sit down and dictate a personal note acknowledging your form letter - and you ask me to do it "promptly [You fool!

? " What do you mean, "promptly"

How did he do it? O'Haire became one of the star salesmen for the White Motor Company in New York

A White truck? Here is his story in his own words: "If I walk into a buyer's office now and he says: 'What?

"Fortunately, just before I went to see this man, I heard that he had drawn a check for a million dollars, and that after it was canceled, he had had it framed "A big Scout jamboree was coming off in Europe, and I wanted the president of one of the largest corporations in America to pay the expenses of one of my boys for the trip

A check for a million dollars! "So the first thing I did when I entered his office was to ask to see the check

The act of setting down the goals and breaking them into clear, measurable chunks, allows people to see more clearly a step-by-step process of getting from where they are to where they want to be Without a plan of action, the coaching relationship would lack direction and accountability

A coach also works with people to ensure that their detailed action steps and strategies are clearly aligned with their goals so they can be more effective in achieving their intended result It helps to get people started on the journey of realizing their goals and guides them to focus on what they need to do to achieve their goals

The well-being of our children 7

A feeling of importance 8

" It was easy for the father when he starting thinking about it How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?

A few doors down the street lived a bully - a bigger boy who would pull the little boy off his tricycle and ride it himself His boy had a tricycle that he loved to ride up and down the sidewalk in front of the house in Brooklyn

" When I was still young and trying hard to impress people, I wrote a foolish letter to Richard Harding Davis, an author who once loomed large on the literary horizon of America "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof," said Confucius, "when your own doorstep is unclean

A few weeks earlier, I had received a letter from someone with this notation at the bottom: "Dictated but not read I was preparing a magazine article about authors, and I asked Davis to tell me about his method of work

Sometimes, these fires raged so fiercely that the fire department had to be called out to fight the conflagration They were almost all caused by youngsters who went out to the park to go native and cook a frankfurter or an egg under the trees

A mounted policeman was supposed to look after the park; but he didn't take his duties too seriously, and the fires continued to spread season after season There was a sign on the edge of the park saying that anyone who started a fire was liable to fine and imprisonment, but the sign stood in an unfrequented part of the park, and few of the culprits ever saw it

The advantage that would accrue to you under such an arrangement would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning?

After reading this letter, Mr Very truly yours, J----- B ----- Supt

However, by the end of the exercise, the deeper, more authentic person begins to speak: "I want people to love me," "I want to express myself," "I want to make a difference," "I want to feel powerful" revealing wants that are true expressions of their core needs and values In fact, most people usually say, "I want a Mercedes," "I want a big house by the ocean," and so on

A powerful way of more effectively setting goals is to use the SMARTEST mnemonic criteria Goal Setting After articulating their wants and choosing the goals that they most want to work on, it's time to take the goal-setting process further by making sure that their goals are effectively set

The Power of Affirmations One way to stretch out of your comfort zone is to bombard your subconscious mind with the new thoughts and images—of a big bank account, a trim and healthy body, exciting work, interesting friends, and memorable vacations You must flood your subconscious mind with thoughts and images of this new reality

A technique you can use to do this is called repeating affirmations You want to think of all your goals as already complete

Why talk about what we want? When someone asked him how he managed to stay in power after the other wartime leaders - Wilson, Orlando and Clemenceau - had been forgotten, he replied that if his staying on top might be attributed to any one thing, it would be to his having learned that it was necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish

Absurd That is childish

His letter, written from a transatlantic steamer, telling about the application of these principles, rose almost to a religious fervor While writing this chapter, I received a letter from a German of the old school, an aristocrat whose forebears had served for generations as professional army officers under the Hohenzollerns

Absurd? Another man, an old New Yorker, a Harvard graduate, a wealthy man, the owner of a large carpet factory, declared he had learned more in fourteen weeks through this system of training about the fine art of influencing people than he had learned about the same subject during his four years in college

11 Quietly sense the change in your perception and feeling and see what solutions to the problems you can come up with now

Achievers Coaching Questions for Anchoring 1 Repeat this process whenever you are faced with a situation causing you negative feelings, stress, or problems

Help them stay accountable to establish a habit of disciplined execution Then find ways to motivate them to put that into action

Achievers Coaching Questions for Getting to Action First Things First 1 In closing this chapter we want to provide you with some potentially great questions relating to planning for action and taking massive action

4 Which is the most challenging task that you need to do first?

Action Planning and Breaking Down Bigger Goals 1 Which of these tasks would give you the greatest satisfaction when you complete it?

By when? Action Paradigm The Key Questions: What action steps do you need to take?

Action steps are a crucial outcome of coaching, but a coach should not coerce a client to come up with action steps when the client isn't really ready to do so Developing and committing to an action plan with a timeline Asking questions to get your client to come up with action plans—specific steps, priorities and a timeline to establish accountability and a commitment for action—is the focus of this paradigm

And he was probably understating the truth Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth a million dollars

Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you, You make me happy For Schwab's personality, his charm, his ability to make people like him, were almost wholly responsible for his extraordinary success; and one of the most delightful factors in his personality was his captivating smile

If so, isn't it bad judgment to try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people? ~~~~~~~ 7 - How To Get Cooperation Don't you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter?

Adolph Seltz of Philadelphia, sales manager in an automobile showroom and a student in one of my courses, suddenly found himself confronted with the necessity of injecting enthusiasm into a discouraged and disorganized group of automobile salespeople Isn't it wiser to make suggestions - and let the other person think out the conclusion?

Outcome: His relationship with his boss and colleague deteriorated, and his performance on the job dropped drastically He blamed others, felt demoralized, and wanted to quit his job

After 12 months, his colleague got promoted but Oliver did not receive a promotion Reframe: Same Event: Oliver and his colleague worked very hard to get promotions

The first two sessions were not long enough to complete an extensive action plan, so the coach had asked that Muzaffar continue to fine-tune his plan for further discussion in the third session In the first two sessions, he had worked with his coach to identify clear coaching goals, explored and analyzed the possible solutions, made key decisions on moving forward, and worked out some action steps

After 25 minutes, Muzaffar had crafted an extensive action plan along with a chart showing the proposed completion of each of the different tasks during his six-month project In this third coaching session, the coach shifted straight into the Action Paradigm to review the action plan with him

As a result Lorenzo opened up very quickly and started expressing the many problems he was experiencing connected to his work and his family She was fully present to listen to him

After 40 minutes of empathic listening by his coach, Lorenzo felt much better Sensing the situation well, the coach shifted right into the Releasing Paradigm and allowed Lorenzo to express the worries that had been building up inside him for years

She envied the shared comradeship of other people in the company as she heard their chatter and laughter Seсora Maria Gonzalez of Guadalajara, Mexico, had such a job

After a few weeks, she said to herself, "Maria, you can't expect those women to come to you As she passed them in the hall during the first weeks of her employment, she shyly looked the other way

A hot and bothered person at the other end proceeded to inform me that a car of lumber we had shipped into his plant was entirely unsatisfactory Here is the story as he told it to the fellow members of his class: "One morning the phone rang in my office

After about onefourth of the car had been unloaded, their lumber inspector reported that the lumber was running 55 percent below grade His firm had stopped unloading and requested that we make immediate arrangements to remove the stock from their yard

For example, we had a client who used a Post-it® note on his steering wheel to remind himself for 60 days to be a safe and caring driver Stay open to devising different support structures relevant to different goals

After successfully changing his driving habits he continued to use several different support structures to develop a series of new habits that also transformed him into a much more considerate and caring father and husband—in addition to being a safer driver This helped him to change his dangerous driving habits, which had caused him to have several nearly fatal accidents

Take it out in the course of two days - such communications will always bear two days' delay in answering - and when you take it out after that interval, you will not send it Then if you are wise, you will put the letter in a drawer and lock the drawer

After that, I sat down and wrote her just as polite a letter as I could, telling her I realized a mother's disappointment under such circumstances, but that really the appointment was not left to my mere personal preference, that I had to select a man with technical qualifications, and had, therefore, to follow the recommendations of the head of the Bureau That is just the course I took

This was a good match with his talent and love for design, art, and fashion It turned out that what he really wanted was to get into the fashion industry

After that, we moved into the Analysis Paradigm and then on to the Decision Paradigm to help him narrow down his options and decide on the best strategies to adopt in starting his new business We shifted into the Exploration Paradigm again and this time managed to draw out many creative solutions and ideas from him on pursuing his new goal

Henry: You know, I come from a tough family I believe you can create something good from here

All right, let me just clear my eyes and nose I shouldn't cry like this

Thank you very much My life feels more exciting than ever before

All the best wishes in getting things done Coach: You are always welcome

What would be the best thing you could do to conquer this challenge? 4

Among all the different strategies for obtaining your goal, which ones stand out as the most powerful? 5

Even his servants loved him That, too, was one of the secrets of Theodore Roosevelt's astonishing popularity

Amos, wrote a book about him entitled Theodore Roosevelt, Hero to His Valet His valet, James E

16 What support structures will you need to put in place to remind yourself to do this?

Anchoring technique This is a very helpful technique that will enable you and your client to overcome negative feelings and stress much more easily and solve any problems that come up How will you celebrate your success in winning this battle?

You have hurt his pride You have made him feel inferior

And - A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still He will resent your triumph

You put your elbows on the table You gulped down your food

And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy! You spread butter too thick on your bread

And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won't need to sell us But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems

And customers like to feel that they are buying - not being sold We'll buy

And so did Dutch Schultz before he crumpled up under gangster bullets in Newark He actually regarded himself as a public benefactor - an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor

And he believed it Dutch Schultz, one of New York's most notorious rats, said in a newspaper interview that he was a public benefactor

But I had done this: I had listened intently I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to without changing the subject, for I didn't know any more about botany than I knew about the anatomy of a penguin

And he felt it I had listened because I was genuinely interested

Henry: Agreed ) Coach: Your solutions are better than Houdini's illusion of breaking free from the chains; these chains of yours are real, and breaking them will make a huge difference in your life

And thank God I have a great coach who is not a magician I was able to access the wisdom of Ben Franklin and not Houdini within me

Did you ever stop to think of that? ~~~~~~~ 2 - The Big Secret Of Dealing With People There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything

And that is by making the other person want to do it Yes, just one way

He exhibited my samples and praised their good points He did

And the president, since he was talking for me, took the position I would have had during the discussion My sole participation consisted of smiles, nods and a few gestures A lively discussion arose about the merits of my goods

He was a shy chap, and he kept in the background He didn't talk to the President, and Roosevelt heard his name only once

And there was nothing perfunctory about his thanks But before leaving us, the President looked for the mechanic, shook his hand, called him by name, and thanked him for coming to Washington

I have stopped talking about what I want I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation

And these things have literally revolutionized my life I am now trying to see the other person's viewpoint

To what extent is your team capable of helping you to achieve your goal? 3

Ask her to take deep breaths and visualize her goal and action plans As a coach, you may choose to take this SMARTEST process of setting goals a step further by drawing an imaginary line in front of the person being coached

" So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener Butler, "no matter how instructed they may be

Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering To be interesting, be interested

The modest way in which I propos'd my opinions procur'd them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevaile'd with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag'd in went on more pleasantly

And to this habit (after my character of integrity) I think it principally owing that I had earned so much weight with my fellow citizens when I proposed new institutions, or alterations in the old, and so much influence in public councils when I became a member; for I was but a bad speaker, never eloquent, subject to much hesitation in my choice of words, hardly correct in language, and yet I generally carried my points "And this mode, which I at first put on with some violence to natural inclination, became at length so easy, and so habitual to me, that perhaps for these fifty years past no one has ever heard a dogmatical expression escape me

It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: "We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen Your opponents may be right

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are " Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest

David G The answer is: All the time, everywhere

Apparently each thought that she was in charge of this project Smith of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, told one of our classes how he handled a delicate situation when he was asked to take charge of the refreshment booth at a charity concert, "The night of the concert I arrived at the park and found two elderly ladies in a very bad humor standing next to the refreshment stand

Why were they there, these twenty-five hundred business men and women? These men and women had come to hear the opening gun of an ultramodern, ultrapractical course in "Effective Speaking and Influencing Men in Business"- a course given by the Dale Carnegie Institute of Effective Speaking and Human Relations

Apparently not, for this same course had been playing to packed houses in New York City every season for the preceding twenty-four years Because of a sudden hunger for more education because of the depression?

" "When would you want to lose it? " The overwhelming response from women was "my thighs

Around April or May, in time for swimsuit season, said the feedback " she asked

That should never have happened You've been inconvenienced and annoyed and irritated by one of our representatives

As I sat here and listened to your side of the story, I could not help being impressed by your fairness and patience I'm sorry and, as a representative of the company, I apologize

In other words, coaching and feedback shouldn't be about us, but about the other person and their success But if our purposes are vindictive, punitive, meant to "fix" someone, or come from our frustration or anger, the feedback will be less successful

As a coach, we have a responsibility to articulate and give feedback on what we see would be helpful to our client When the client senses that the feedback they are receiving is valuable and comes from a perspective of wanting them to improve and move forward, he or she is more open to hearing and applying it

" Rewarding yourself for your wins powerfully reinforces your subconscious mind's desire to want to work harder for you Let's have more of these successes, so we can go out to play

As coaches we need to constantly encourage our clients to celebrate their success and rejoice with them when they make significant progress toward their goals It's just basic human nature

He realized that the problem in his workplace had been affecting the well-being of his family Then his coach asked a question that got Lorenzo to focus back on his coaching goals and how they were connected with his problems

As it turned out, after agreeing on the coaching goal during the Goals Paradigm, they had to shift back to the Releasing Paradigm as Lorenzo discovered he had even more difficult issues to articulate He and his coach agreed on his goals: He would focus on improving the relationship with his family members by scheduling more quality time with them and solving his key problems at work

One of the few suggestions that the coach made was for Henry to give clear simple names to his problematic patterns and his desired patterns of behavior She only gave suggestions when it was absolutely necessary and after getting his consent

As it turned out, the suggestion was helpful to Henry This naming technique helped Henry to clearly distinguish between what he wanted and what he did not want each time the behaviors emerged

" "When I am nice to people, they take me for granted and do not follow my instructions " "I can't get regular exercise because I don't have the equipment and the gym is too far away

As with advice, a point we touched on earlier, it's better to help your clients come up with their own support structures rather than telling them what to do " When effective support structures are built into your coaching, such problems can be prevented or resolved as soon as they arise

" If you are truly grateful for the fact that someone took the trouble to talk to you about you and the impact you're making on those around you, you will get a reputation for being open to feedback Just say, "Thank you for caring enough to share that with me!

As you read this book, we hope you are beginning to see the value of asking questions-both of yourself and of others Constructive feedback is a gift that helps you and your client to be more effective

Ask people to give an example of the larger issue being affected by their behavior pattern Once you have identified a pattern, you can begin to deconstruct it and identify what's going on

Ask about what negative effects the habit has on their lives, and what experiences they would rather have Find out if there is a repeated sequence and a trigger that sets off an ineffective pattern

The first conversation in the series typically covers the overall goals of the entire coaching assignment; that particular conversation may also result in declaring some specific goals, time permitting In most cases, a coaching relationship involves more than just one conversation and has a specified duration, frequency, and contact time

Ask questions to identify the client's recent accomplishments and then recognize and appreciate him for those In every subsequent conversation, you must shift into this paradigm to review your client's goals and the progress he has made from the last conversation

Learning One of the most valuable ways that you can support your clients for their long-term well-being is to help them establish a habit of continuous learning and constant, never-ending improvement Recommend this same method to the people you coach to help them thrive on feedback

Ask them great questions that enable them to enhance their learning and also to seek out people that they can learn from to keep getting better As you progress in your coaching journey with them, you want to ensure that they capture the learning derived from the coaching experience so that by the time the coaching journey has ended, they will be much more capable and empowered to lead and help themselves in the future

The goals should enable the client to grow and develop in the process of working toward them 3

Ask them to describe as vividly as possible, what it will be like when they have realized their goals: what outcomes and benefits they will enjoy To ascertain and to heighten the level of commitment toward people's goals, you can suggest that they do a visualization exercise

This is a great way to get the ball rolling One of the easiest ways to begin clarifying what you truly want is to make a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have, and 30 things you want to be before you die

Ask your client (without making any suggestions), "What do you want? Repeating Questions for a Purpose Similarly, a powerful technique to unearth your client's wants is to use the following repeating question technique

It would be all right if I paid him $20 by the end of the month and made up the balance whenever it was convenient for me to do so Then, without any suggestion from me, he said it did not matter if I couldn't pay all the money immediately

Ask yourself: "Why should he or she want to do it? " Tomorrow, before asking anyone to put out a fire or buy your product or contribute to your favorite charity, why not pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person's point of view?

What would be a different reaction to this event that could give you a more positive outcome? 21

Assuming you are not able to change others, what could you do to make the situation better? 22

"I put this letter in his in-basket at 11 A I will give you _____minutes of my time

At 2 P M

Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it? " Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something

At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures " That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires

The genial William Lyon Phelps, essayist and professor of literature at Yale, learned this lesson early in life For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most

At that time, I happened to be excited about boats, and the visitor discussed the subject in a way that seemed to me particularly interesting "When I was eight years old and was spending a weekend visiting my Aunt Libby Linsley at her home in Stratford on the Housatonic," he wrote in his essay on Human Nature, "a middle-aged man called one evening, and after a polite skirmish with my aunt, he devoted his attention to me

If he or she said November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself, "November 24, November 24 I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth

At the beginning of each year, I had these birthday dates scheduled in my calendar pad so that they came to my attention automatically " The minute my friend's back was turned, I wrote down the name and birthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book

Sitting very erect on the end of his spine with hands joined in his lap, making no movement except that he revolved his thumbs around each other faster or slower, he faced his interlocutor and seemed to be hearing with his eyes as well as his ears Eliot's listening was not mere silence, but a form of activity

At the end of an interview the person who had talked to him felt that he had had his say He listened with his mind and attentively considered what you had to say while you said it

Since then, I have listened to, engaged in, and watched the effect of thousands of arguments Later, I taught debating and argumentation in New York; and once, I am ashamed to admit, I planned to write a book on the subject

Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself " Wanamaker learned this lesson early, but I personally had to blunder through this old world for a third of a century before it even began to dawn upon me that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be

B Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment

After that, talk about the goals to work on during the current conversation If the goal is still important and he wishes to continue pursuing it, provide encouragement for him to carry on

Based on the client's progress, you can set short-term goals to be explored in future conversations, making sure they are aligned with the overall long-term goals When relevant, you and your client can also review the overall goals of the entire coaching assignment that were identified in earlier conversations

You don't have to wait until people accomplish their entire goal to acknowledge them —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee A great coach never misses the opportunity to appreciate people for giving good answers to the coaching questions, for making progress with their goals, and for their efforts to improve and learn

Be a cheerleader and a huge fan of your clients' successes Do it sincerely and often along the way as people make notable advancement in improving themselves and completing their tasks

9 Second, you will find that your ability to meet and deal with people will grow enormously

Be specific You will find at the end of this book several blank pages on which you should record your triumphs in the application of these principles

During the first few months of her association with the agency, Henrietta didn't have a single friend among her colleagues By far the best-liked placement counselor in the Mid-town Personnel Agency in New York City was Henrietta G ---- It hadn't always been that way

Because every day she would brag about the placements she had made, the new accounts she had opened, and anything else she had accomplished Why?

If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish —Jim Rohn OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 11 BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM AND REMOVING ROADBLOCKS Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel

Because of its impact on our self-esteem —Sam Walton Self-Esteem and Acknowledgment Why are we making such a big deal about acknowledging our past successes?

To avoid regrets, people need to plan and pursue goals in several different and important areas of their lives rather than focusing only their jobrelated goals In our experience, work-life balance is one of the greatest needs that people have

Begin by identifying areas in which people are progressing well and areas where they need improvement This presents a great opportunity for you to work with people as they map out a vision that involves key goals in different aspects of life, ensuring work-life balance

, 16 Welch, Jack, 30 Whirlpool Corporation, 30 Whitmore, John, 30 Whitworth, Laura, 17, 25 Why questions, 73 Winfrey, Oprah, 98 Winning with People (Maxwell), 29 Wooden, John, 23-24 Work-life balance, 222-224 Wright Brothers, 53-54 Z Ziglar, Zig, 3, 46, 218 OceanofPDF.com ABOUT THE AUTHORS Jack Canfield As the beloved originator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, Jack Canfield fostered the emergence of inspirational anthologies as a genre, and watched it grow to a billion dollar market Listening, 79-82, 197 The Coaching Principles (TCP), xiv, xvi, 1-38, 159, 197 Thigpen, Peter, 210 "Thin slice" abilities, 96 Thin Thighs in 30 Days (Stehling), 249-250 Thoughts, control of, 202 Time-bound goals, 228 Timelines for action plans, 181-182 Tracy, Brian, 51, 82, 86, 241 Transformation, xvi, 107-112 Trust building, 46-51 Trust, xvi, 39-51 Truth, 50-51 Tucker, Robert, xiii V Victory logs, 210 Vision, xvii, 195, 219-224 Visualization, 124, 134, 231-239 backcasting and Ideal Future technique in, 237-239 control of, 202 enhancing performance through, 235-237 of outcomes, xvii, 195, 231-239 power of, 234-235 reticular activating system (RAS) and, 234, 235-236 sound and feelings in, 237 W Waitley, Denis, 8 Walton, Sam, 209 Ward, William Arthur, 43 Watson, Thomas J

Behind the empire Time Magazine called the "publishing phenomenon of the decade" is America's leading expert in creating peak performance for entrepreneurs, corporate leaders, managers, sales professionals, corporate employees and educators As the driving force behind the development and delivery of over 500 million books in print through the Chicken Soup for the Soul franchise, Jack Canfield is uniquely qualified to talk about success

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic If you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the decades and endure until death, just let us indulge in a little stinging criticism-no matter how certain we are that it is justified

Bitter criticism caused the sensitive Thomas Hardy, one of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literature, to give up forever the writing of fiction We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity

Season after season, the fat hogs sickened and died from cholera, the bottom fell out of the market for cattle and mules, and the bank threatened to foreclose the mortgage Year after year, the "102" River rose and drowned the corn and swept away the hay

Board and room could be had in town for a dollar a day, but young Carnegie couldn't afford it Sick with discouragement, the family sold out and bought another farm near the State Teachers' College at Warrensburg, Missouri

"If I had not dramatized to him the fact that I really wanted to see him, I would probably be still waiting for an appointment I met with him, and we talked for over an hour and resolved my problems

Boynton had to present a lengthy market report " James B

Action steps are an important output of a coaching conversation Follow this by identifying more specific action steps or tactics for each strategy

Breaking a goal down into all the action steps that need to be taken helps people to clarify the things that need to be done in order to achieve their goals Using them, you as a coach can follow up with people to support their task and goal completion

He spent months preparing his talks Realizing that he had no flair for athletics, he decided to win one of the speaking contests

But in spite of all his earnestness and preparation, he met with defeat after defeat He practiced as he sat in the saddle galloping to college and back; he practiced his speeches as he milked the cows; and then he mounted a bale of hay in the barn and with great gusto and gestures harangued the frightened pigeons about the issues of the day

Shortly after he had enrolled in the Carnegie course, he received his tax bill and was infuriated by what he considered unjust charges During that time, he had taken no active part in community affairs and knew perhaps five hundred people

But instead, he put on his hat that night, walked into the town meeting, and blew off steam in public Ordinarily, he would have sat at home and fumed, or he would have taken it out in grousing to his neighbors

Your parentlike ego tells you to tie your shoes, brush your teeth, eat your vegetables, do your homework, exercise, meet your deadlines and finish your projects It plans your schedule, balances your checkbook, figures out your taxes, and determines when to rotate your tires

But it's also the nurturing part of you that makes sure you're protected, taken care of, and provided for It is also your inner critic—the part that judges you when you don't live up to its standards

" "I don't know," the manager replied "How is it," Schwab asked him, "that a manager as capable as you can't make this mill turn out what it should?

But nothing works "I've coaxed the men, I've pushed them, I've sworn and cussed, I've threatened them with damnation and being fired

You just let him run over the hill there where I can't see him - and we'll forget all about it "I'll tell you what you do

But suppose I had tried to defend myself - well, did you ever argue with a policeman? " That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance; so when I began to condemn myself, the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy

Knaphle, Jr M

But the chain-store company continued to purchase its fuel from an out-of-town dealer and haul it right past the door of Knaphle's office , of Philadelphia had tried for years to sell fuel to a large chain-store organization

The dictionary meaning of "simple" is easy to understand or plain without anything extra or unnecessary Ceran What is simplicity?

But the concept of simplicity should not be confused with little effort The word simplicity itself makes it sound as if it's easy to attain

They came to me because they had finally realized, after years of observation and experience, that the highest-paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering A total of probably more than fifteen hundred engineers have passed through my classes

But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people-that person is headed for higher earning power One can for example, hire mere technical ability in engineering, accountancy, architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries

" Principle 7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury

But they don't think so ~~~~~~~ 8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You Remember that other people may be totally wrong

Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don't want to change their minds If a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom

But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly They can't he forced or driven to agree with you or me

Douglas told her what had happened Mrs

But this 'no return' policy does not apply to damaged goods The manager listened attentively to the whole story, examined the coat and then said: "Special sales are 'final' so we can dispose of merchandise at the end of the season

You see, she appreciated the fact that nature had given Stevie something no one else in the room had He reported that years ago a teacher in Detroit asked Stevie Morris to help her find a mouse that was lost in the classroom

But this was really the first time Stevie had been shown appreciation for those talented ears Nature had given Stevie a remarkable pair of ears to compensate for his blind eyes

" Principle 3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected

But what about the other person? ~~~~~~~ 4 - A Drop Of Honey If your temper is aroused and you tell 'em a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings

Most goals represent incremental improvements in our lives Create a Breakthrough Goal In addition to turning every aspect of a client's vision into a measurable goal, and all the quarterly, weekly, and daily goals that he routinely sets, encourage him to set what we call a "breakthrough goal" that would represent a quantum leap for him and his career

But what if the client could come out on the first play of the game and throw a 50-yard pass? They are like plays that gain you four yards in the game of football

New Hampshire But, without thinking what I was saying, I spoke of visiting her old home in Concord

But, alas and alack! If I had said New Hampshire only once, it might have been forgiven

The father became verbally abusive when he returned home late and drunk after entertaining customers He started to talk about his childhood, explaining that his father was a workaholic

By asking powerful questions, his coach helped him become aware of the limitations of this belief As he expressed the pain he felt inside, Lorenzo suddenly realized that one of the things he had unconsciously picked up from his father was the belief that a man's career was his life and would determine his self-worth, happiness, and the well-being of his family

Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people What is this magic requirement?

By constantly reminding yourself how important these principles are to you How can you develop such an urge?

Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior F

By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans

Anderson Do you think Mrs Sincerely, Barbara L

Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which bank's offer to accept Anderson received any response from that letter?

He attended competitions and soon became known to the country music fans in the eastern part of the United States as "Uncle George, the Fiddle Scraper from Kinzua County Although he was not a great fiddler himself, he made many friends in this pursuit

By having a sustained interest in other people, he created a new life for himself at a time when most people consider their productive years over " When we heard Uncle George, he was seventy-two and enjoying every minute of his life

You know exactly what you're going to do and in what order, and you've already pulled together any materials you need By creating your to-do list the night before, you can start your day running

By mid-morning, you'll be way ahead of most people, who waste the first half hour of the day clearing their desk, making lists, finding necessary paperwork—in short, just getting ready to work If you have five telephone calls to make, you'll have had them written down in the order you plan to make them, with each phone number next to the person's name and all the support materials at hand

But he knew how to handle people, and that is what made him rich He had hundreds of people working for him who knew far more about steel than he did

By the time he was ten, he too had discovered the astounding importance people place on their own name Early in life, he showed a flair for organization, a genius for leadership

How do you feel about your sense of ownership related to this task and goal? How do you think you will feel when you accomplish this?

By when would you like to have this completed? Are you willing to recommit to getting this done?

28 What accountability question would you like this person to ask you?

By when? Would you like to include getting an accountability partner as one of your action steps?

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 6 SUGGESTIONS AND SIMPLIFICATION PRINCIPLE 23 Get Consent Before Giving Suggestions Believe that better answers are going to come from the people you coach so give suggestions only when it is absolutely necessary and after getting their consent Wisdom begins from knowing and conquering thyself and coaching makes that possible

CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART III Henry: As my coach, what's your advice on how I can solve this problem immediately? —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee To illustrate how a coach brings out the solutions from within the client, gives suggestions only when it's necessary to help the client, and minimizes making suggestions, let's take a look at the third part of the coaching conversation with Henry

In a coaching relationship, the coach needs to provide continuous support, encouragement, and accountability to the client The people whom we see become the most successful in life are the ones who learn to ask for and accept support from others rather than trying to go it alone

CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART VII The ongoing coaching conversation between Henry and his coach every two weeks is in itself a very important form of continuous support Helping a client to put support structures into their lives is one of the most beneficial things you can do as a coach

This is getting too emotional for me ... Sorry I just can't hold back my tears

Can we stay on this for a while more so we can get through this together? Coach: I understand how you feel

On a scale of 1 to 10, how satisfied are you with what you are achieving with each of the goals you listed? 3

Can you elaborate further on each of your scores? 4

Capture it clearly What images come to your mind?

Can you imagine using all your senses to touch, smell, taste, see, and hear what it is like now that you have achieved your goal? 3

16 What feelings are you aware of right now?

Can you tell me what you are feeling now? I am here for you, and I really love to listen to your sharing

" That's Al Capone speaking If you think so, listen to this: "I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man

Capone didn't condemn himself Yes, America's most notorious Public Enemy- the most sinister gang leader who ever shot up Chicago

We like to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to accept as true, and the resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions leads us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it We not only resent the imputation that our watch is wrong, or our car shabby, but that our conception of the canals of Mars, of the pronunciation of "Epictetus," of the medicinal value of salicin, or of the date of Sargon I is subject to revision

Carl Rogers, the eminent psychologist, wrote in his book On Becoming a Person: I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person The result is that most of our socalled reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do

Chalif, who was active in Boy Scout work " As I write this chapter, I have before me a letter from Edward L

Chalif "One day I found I needed a favor," wrote Mr

That's why suggesting, providing, and gaining commitment to use support structures is a very important aspect of successful coaching A client needs to work on a new habit for a minimum of 30 to 90 days before it sticks

Change is something that is difficult to do on our own, but with support from others, we are able to do much more For example, here are some significant habit changes that could require support structures: Changing from watching TV every day to reading beneficial books Changing from always doing things at the last minute and being late to being well planned and starting and completing things before the deadline Changing from getting angry easily to being calm and centered even under pressing situations

" Is there any doubt that Mrs She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress

Charles R Rosedale will continue to use this bank?

Chee is also the author of The 12 Dis-ciplines of Leadership Excellence with Brian Tracy Dr

Chee holds a doctor of business administration degree from the University of South Australia (UniSA), an MSc Dr

We were in tears when I also apologized to them for the way in which I had treated them Later, three of them came to ask for my forgiveness for some of their problematic behavior

Coach: That was a good one; what was the second thing? The process of reconciliation was very successful

Chee's training, coaching, consulting, and research experience resonate in the areas of personal excellence; the success principles —techniques for breakthrough results; leadership and team excellence; coaching and mentoring excellence; work, life, and time management; motivation and performance management; strategic management; sales and marketing; human resource develop-ment; and creativity and innovation As a trainer and developer of leaders and senior executives from more than 80 countries, Dr

Chee was the creator of the Coaching Principles (TCP), the Situational Coaching Model (SCM), and Achievers Coaching Techniques (ACT) Dr

He holds a certificate in Change Management and Performance Consulting from Pennsyl-vania State University, ranked the number one university in the United States for postgraduate programs in HRD, and a certificate in Human Per-formance Improvement (HPI) from The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) in Training and HRM from the University of Leicester, UK, and was also a graduate of the Chartered Institute of Marketing, UK

Chee's doctoral research work lies in the area of motivation and performance management Dr

Coach: For how long and how often will you do this? " Part two of my strategy will be to replace the terrible pattern with the "love pattern" and then I will use the "nurturing pattern" with my team and my daughter

Coach: Are there any further steps under part one or two of your strategy? Henry: I will do it as often as the undesired pattern emerges, and I will do this from now on until my undesired habit is gone and the new habit is fully installed in me

Coach: If the feedback shows the results that you are aiming for, how do you want to celebrate that accomplishment? Henry: The best way would probably be to gather another written feedback from my team members three months from now

Coach: Good Henry: Well, my family and I love to eat and drink, so I think it would be great to go out for a fabulous celebration feast at our favorite gourmet restaurant

Henry: The Ben Franklin in me is saying that when I put others down and attack them, it seems to make me feel bigger, smarter and more powerful in comparison to others ... Coach: Just keep articulating; the answer will come to you

Coach: Great I feel good initially; it fills my ego needs but leaves a terrible effect on people that creates even more problems for everyone

Henry: I think I'll need someone in my workplace who can be my accountability partner Coach: Any more ideas?

Coach: Great idea My CEO mentioned something about this a while back

Now let's look at what you think should be your first major milestone to reach in working toward your breakthrough goal of 40 million in sales? Coach: I'm happy to do it

Coach: How would you know when you have accomplished that? Henry: That would be when I have successfully replaced my sadistic pattern with the love and nurturing patterns

Coach: Can I have your permission to offer you some feedback? But the issue is that I don't see improvements, and people just keep making more mistakes

Coach: I might be wrong, but I notice a consistent pattern in your reaction to your team members in the way you have just described Henry: Please do; that's why I hired you

That could be a roadblock ) I feel strongly that my team lacks effective selling skills and has some bad habits

Coach: If you had all the power in the world that you need to change this, what would you do? I am glad you asked me this question because that got me to realize that I need to do something about this

Henry: Yes, I will commit to getting this done before our next meeting Coach: Is that something that you would be willing to commit to?

Coach: Is there anything else you'd like to do before our next meeting? After all, I want to solve this problem

Henry: I can't see the value of asking for feedback from the people who keep creating problems Coach: Have you asked for feedback from your team on how they feel and how you can help them improve?

Coach: My sincere feedback is that the people who create the problems ... they also have the answers to them What are you thinking?

CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART IV In Part IV of the coaching conversation with Henry, the coach works with him to clarify his goals and ensure that they are well formulated ) To see an example of this, let's return to the coaching session with Henry

Coach: Now that you have identified what I believe to be some good solutions, how do you feel about it? The coach also helps to confirm that Henry has strong ownership for the goals and is committed to accomplish them

Coach: Is there any other way I can add more value to you? They are fantastic

Coach: Point taken Henry: Please help me find solutions faster so I can produce better results

Coach: I will do my very best, but please keep in mind that the best answers are going to come from you rather than me I need your magic

Coach: Remember, before we started coaching, I ran down with you what good coaches do Henry: I thought as a coach you would have the best answers and that you would advise me

Coach: Now that you have a clear and compelling breakthrough goal and a substantial list of action steps, what support structures do you think could help ensure that you get these things accomplished? This part of their coaching conversation demonstrates other forms of continuous support that were put into place to enable Henry to achieve his desired results

Coach: So far you have already proven that you are far more capable than you imagine at coming up with good ideas Henry: That's a fantastic question, but I am not sure if I have an answer

There is still a lot more to do Henry: I feel on top of the world but not complacent

Coach: Sure, let's work on it I missed out on two things, and I need help to solve this

Permanently inculcating the new habit of staying calm, understanding, and loving when the old trigger is pulled requires a lot of effort and determination It's easy for someone to revert to his old habits: for example, getting angry and shouting at his spouse when something activates his trigger button

Coaching enables people to sustain change and achieve more because it offers a support system that keeps the client motivated and on track One of your important roles as a coach, in addition to championing your client's goals and providing continuous encouragement and affirmation, is helping them establish support structures that will maximize their chances of succeeding

This has a huge impact on their success in all areas of their lives " As a coach, when you help your clients know themselves better, it also helps them better manage their thoughts, emotions, and behavior

Coaching has the power to raise people's emotional intelligence, and this in turn impacts their success Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, referred to "knowing thyself" as the first domain of emotional intelligence that facilitates the development of the other four domains that include managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, and handling relationships

People who have been well coached become responsible and committed to execute what they have agreed to, and capable of accomplishing much more than previously —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee Accountability is one of the most valuable outcomes of effective coaching

Constant follow-up by the coach and an accountability partner helps to ensure that people are kept on track Coaching is about focusing forward and getting things done

Achievers Coaching Questions for Backcasting Step 1 1 Come back to the present moment and discuss practical steps you can take to move forward

Could you please close your eyes and take yourself into the future? Relax and continue taking deep breaths

Would you please count from one to six when breathing in and count from one to six when breathing out, and maintain that breathing rhythm? 4

Could you please close your eyes and visualize as clearly as you can the one thing that brings the strongest feeling of love to you 5

From the list, which items are able to bring the greatest feeling of love in your heart when you imagine them? 2

Could you visualize this feeling as clearly as you can and then make a unique gesture that can help you recall it in the future? 3

He had a right to be, and he had a splendid time telling about it He was proud of such a record

Cubellis briefly about his experience, then called in one of his vice presidents and said: "I think this is the person we are looking for Finally, he questioned Mr

Your "smile" comes through in your voice In this program they suggest that you smile when talking on the phone

D Robert Cryer, manager of a computer department for a Cincinnati, Ohio, company, told how he had successfully found the right applicant for a hard-to-fill position: "I was desperately trying to recruit a Ph

" When he was shown the one his mother wanted him to buy, she winked at the salesgirl and the boy was persuaded to buy it " He stood a couple of inches taller and said: "I want to buy a bed for myself

Daddy! The bed was delivered the next day; and that night, when Father came home, the little boy ran to the door shouting: "Daddy!

One student used to commute each week from Chicago to New York Class members frequently travel fifty or a hundred miles to attend classes

Dale Carnegie, by helping business men and women to develop their latent possibilities, created one of the most significant movements in adult education LOWELL THOMAS 1936 ------------------------------ Part One - Fundamental Techniques In Handling People 1 "If You Want To Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over The Beehive" On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax Professor William James of Harvard used to say that the average person develops only 10 percent of his latent mental ability

An advocate of lifelong learning, she had the great opportunity to personally learn from many of the world's greatest gurus including Al Ries, Anthony Robbins, Dr She also pursued her MBA degree, Master in Management program, at the Asian Institute of Management (AIM)

David Ulrich, Dr Barry Posner, Dr

How I wish a book such as this had been placed in my hands twenty years ago! As I look back across the years, I am appalled at my own frequent lack of finesse and understanding

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business What a priceless boon it would have been

First, after I thanked my staff for their feedback, and let them know that I am committed to improve, I shared with them my plan and asked for their support Henry: Three things stand out

Deep inside, everyone had the desire to be better than they were They were surprised, but it touched them, and they all pledged their support; they committed to work together as a team to help each other improve

Why would you consider them to be most important? 2

Deep inside, what really motivates you to pursue this goal? 3

2 The subconscious mind takes any sentence that starts with the words I am and interprets it as a command—a directive to make it happen

Describe what you want as though you already have it, as though it is already accomplished Use the present tense

What feelings would you rather have? You have the power to decide how you feel

What could you do to choose the feelings that you want to experience? 14

They allowed him to blow off steam, and the letters didn't do any real harm, because Mark's wife secretly lifted them out of the mail " The writing of these stinging letters made Mark Twain feel better

Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? They were never sent

Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? Imagine that, son, from a father!

" she cried "Sell it!

Do you think I could stand to see strangers riding up and down the street in that car - that car that my husband bought for me? "Do you think I would sell this car?

I'm confident that when this issue is resolved, I will have become a better leader of my team Come to think of it, the main source of my stress has been from the nonperformance of my team, so when I achieve this goal, my stress level should be greatly reduced

Do you think you could benefit from making your goal more specific and measurable? Coach: It's good to know that

Enabling people to make a good decision and take an action is one of your most important roles of a coach Each and every win builds confidence

Do you think you have enough good options to choose from? Exemplary Coaching Questions for Decision 1

No sir Did secretary Fall permit competitive bidding?

Doheny He handed the fat, juicy contract outright to his friend Edward L

"Makes no difference," the clerk interrupted Douglas complained

Douglas was about to walk out indignantly, swearing never to return to that store ever, when she was greeted by the department manager, who knew her from her many years of patronage "Final's final " Mrs

He works in close partnership with best-selling and award-win-ning author William J Chee's leadership contri-bution for more than 26 years, ITD World has established itself as a global learning solutions expert

Dr Rothwell, who has written more than 80 books and Jack Canfield, the world's leading success coach and authority on peak performance who holds the Guinness World Records for the most books on New York Times bestseller list with 210 books and 125 million copies in print

He had the good sense to recognize that, So back he went to sales work, selling automobiles and trucks for the Packard Motor Car Company He would never be a Booth or a Barrymore

Dreadfully unhappy, he had to scourge himself to his task each day He knew nothing about machinery and cared nothing about it

320) S

During the argument, one of the Supreme Court justices said to him: "The statute of limitations in admiralty law is six years, is it not? The case involved a considerable sum of money and an important question of law

She now believes she has married into English aristocracy, and she insists on being called Lady Smith She went insane; and, in her imagination, she divorced her husband and resumed her maiden name

Each time I call on her she says: 'Doctor, I had a baby last night "And as for children, she imagines now that she has had a new child every night

Presently, George Eastman unlocked a glass case and pulled out the first camera he had ever owned - an invention he had bought from an Englishman Adamson congratulated him warmly on the idealistic way he was using his wealth to alleviate the sufferings of humanity

Eastman spoke with real feeling about the poverty of his childhood, telling how his widowed mother had kept a boardinghouse while he clerked in an insurance office Adamson questioned him at length about his early struggles to get started in business, and Mr

See if you can guess it " Here is a riddle

Edgar Thomson bought them? When the Pennsylvania Railroad needed steel rails, where do you suppose J

You see, from that time on he developed his gift of hearing and went on to become, under the stage name of Stevie Wonder, one of the great pop singers and and songwriters of the seventies Now, years later, he says that this act of appreciation was the beginning of a new life

Edited and compiled by Lynne Harvey * * Paul Aurandt, Paul Harvey's The Rest of the Story (New York: Doubleday, 1977)

Y Brooklyn, N

Edward Vermylen Gentlemen: The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered us in the late afternoon 11201 Attention: Mr

Even though there seems to be a logical sequence to the flow of the six paradigms of situational coaching, in reality coaching conversations are more complex than many people imagine The Situational Coaching Model (SCM) is a contemporary conversational model that is designed to be flexible enough to be effectively applied to any coaching challenge

Effective coaches know how to navigate through a coaching conversation by shifting smoothly from one paradigm to another No one best configuration fits all coaching conversations

" The class applauded and gave him their full support I may lose face by asking a younger person's forgiveness, but I was at fault and it is my responsibility to admit this

Elbert Hubbard was one of the most original authors who ever stirred up a nation, and his stinging sentences often aroused fierce resentment At the next class he told how he went to his son's house, asked for and received forgiveness and was now embarked on a new relationship with his son, his daughter-inlaw and the grandchildren he had at last met

There is an old saying that I have cut out and pasted on my mirror where I cannot help but see it every day: I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for

Emerson said: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I learn of him Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again

Other forms of support structures can be used by your client, depending on the situation and their needs, include: Follow-up e-mails Short phone calls to or from you Submission of written progress reports in between coaching sessions Meeting or talking with accountability partners who are regularly in contact with the client at home and at work Using planners, electronics devices, and software to schedule tasks and reminders Celebrating the completion of tasks that mark milestones with family, friends and coworkers At the beginning of every session you should ask them for a progress report on what they've accomplished since you last met

Encourage people to come up with simple and creative solutions that work The frequency and time frame required for utilizing support structures would depend on the nature of the goals and solutions needed—some monthly, fortnightly, weekly, daily, and so on

Coaches can greatly enhance people's self-esteem and confidence if they seize the opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate people's progress Reinforce their achievements in a way that they might not do for themselves

Encourage them and reward their "inner child" with words, high fives, and hugs where appropriate Ask your clients to share their feelings after a success and identify the rewards and benefits that they are already enjoying

Accountability partners who are most effective are those who can be relied upon and who have the courage not to let your client neglect what is important However, we don't advise people to use their wife or husband as their accountability partner because there can often be too much invested in having their partner change quickly, which can lead to pressure, resistance, and fights

Encourage your client to develop his or her own accountability questions and make sure his or her accountability partners have those questions It's also good to formalize the relationship: Ensure that those who act as accountability partners know what to do, when to do it, and are equipped with specific accountability questions to ask

Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it " Your smile is a messenger of your good will

Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless - that there is joy in the world To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds

One evening she was sitting in the kitchen with her son, Robert, and after a brief discussion of something that was on his mind, Robert said: "Mom, I know that you love me very much Millie Esposito of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, made it her business to listen carefully when one of her children wanted to speak with her

Esposito was touched and said: "Of course I love you very much " Mrs

Grant like a tigress and shouted, "How dare you be seated in my presence until I invite you! Lincoln, in the White House, turned upon Mrs

Even Shakespeare, mightiest of the mighty, tried to add luster to his name by procuring a coat of arms for his family " Our millionaires helped finance Admiral Byrd's expedition to the Antarctic in 1928 with the understanding that ranges of icy mountains would be named after them; and Victor Hugo aspired to have nothing less than the city of Paris renamed in his honor

As a young man in the Pigeon Creek Valley of Indiana, he not only criticized but he wrote letters and poems ridiculing people and dropped these letters on the country roads where they were sure to be found Oh, yes

Even after Lincoln had become a practicing lawyer in Springfield, Illinois, he attacked his opponents openly in letters published in the newspapers One of these letters aroused resentments that burned for a lifetime

Take the German Kaiser, for example All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne - all of us like people who admire us

Even his own nation turned against him when he fled over into Holland to save his neck At the close of World War I he was probably the most savagely and universally despised man on this earth

" What would have happened then? I won't pay it!

Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter - and you know how arguments end

"Operational feedback" is the internally generated information on a company's performance For example, "customer feedback" is the consumer's reaction to a company's products, services, and policies

Even though it began life as an unpleasant and often ear-splitting sound, feedback is not inherently negative In both cases the reaction and information is returned to the company and "fed back" to modify the organization's next action

Bradley of Sacramento, California, had the opposite problem Roy G

Every representative is an independent agent He listened as a good prospect for a sales position talked himself into a job with Bradley's firm, Roy reported: "Being a small brokerage firm, we had no fringe benefits, such as hospitalization, medical insurance and pensions

Your mind needs to complete the cycle If you send someone a gift and get no acknowledgment, there's this little feeling taking up attention units inside of your mind

Every- time we produce a success, we get to do something fun, buy ourselves something we want, or go some place nice Of course, even more important than feeling complete is that the simple, enjoyable act of acknowledging and rewarding our successes causes our subconscious mind to say, "Hey, succeeding is cool!

And I did obey - for a few times " I meekly promised to obey

Everything was lovely for a while, and then we struck a snag But Rex didn't like the muzzle, and neither did I; so we decided to take a chance

The Achievers Coaching Techniques (ACT), related to taking full responsibility, building self-esteem and removing roadblocks, will be explained in detail in Chapters 12 through 14 You will then be able to touch their hearts by sincerely supporting them and caring for them

Exemplary Coaching Questions for Releasing Surfacing issues and releasing the pain 1 These techniques will enable you to take the Releasing Paradigm to a more advanced level

Why, then, did I have the temerity to write another book? The president of one of the largest publishing houses in the world confessed to me that his company, after seventy-five years of publishing experience, still lost money on seven out of every eight books it published

Fair questions, both; and I'll try to answer them And, after I had written it, why should you bother to read it?

Years later Herbert Hoover intimated in a public speech that President Harding's death had been due to mental anxiety and worry because a friend had betrayed him Never!

Fall heard that, she sprang from her chair, she wept, she shook her fists at fate and screamed: "What! When Mrs

Within the memory of living men, nothing like it had ever happened before in American public life It rocked the nation!

Fall, secretary of the interior in Harding's cabinet, was entrusted with the leasing of government oil reserves at Elk Hill and Teapot Dome - oil reserves that had been set aside for the future use of the Navy Here are the bare facts of the scandal: Albert B

Dramatizing what you want works with children as well We don't propose on our knees any more, but many suitors still set up a romantic atmosphere before they pop the question

Fant, Jr Joe B

Farrell of the Farrell-Mitchell Company of Glenolden, Pennsylvania Let's take the case of Hamilton J

Farrell had a disgruntled tenant who threatened to move Mr

Upon completion of the coaching engagement, he exchanged a number of letters with his coach that concluded one of the most eventful times in his life Henry worked with his coach over a period of eight months

Feel the difference you can make in your life and the lives of the people you coach when you personify the coaching principles that live within you As you read this last series of conversations, via letter, between Henry and his coach, we ask that you put yourself in the position of the coach

Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say - and say them before that person has a chance to say them Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?

Ferdinand E The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized just as the mounted policeman did with me and Rex

To remedy this you must do two things As a result, you are being deprived of the very thing you need to improve your performance, your relationship, your product, your service, your teaching, or your parenting: information about what's gone wrong

First, you must intentionally and actively solicit feedback 1

" Why not use a similar system to check up on your application of the principles discussed in this book? I cannot recommend it too highly

First, you will find yourself engaged in an educational process that is both intriguing and priceless If you do, two things will result

Mr Let me illustrate

Fleet Corporation 280 U S---- a young New York attorney, once argued a rather important case before the United States Supreme Court (Lustgarten v

You only apply techniques when people have expressed a desire to overcome the problems that are getting in the way of their progress It's important to bear in mind that, as a coach, your job is to champion your client's agenda, not yours

Flip Switching Technique This is a simple yet powerful technique that can help you and the people you coach to overcome recurring negative feelings, fears, and self-sabotage such as the habit of scolding people whenever you are angry or not being able to control your negative emotional outbursts As a coach it is a good practice to get buy-in from your client before using any of these techniques

John G The sole purpose of this book is to help you discover, develop and profit by those dormant and unused assets, "Education," said Dr

For "the great aim of education," said Herbert Spencer, "is not knowledge but action Hibben, former president of Princeton University, "is the ability to meet life's situations," If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book- if you aren't then a little better equipped to meet life's situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned

She implied, "I sympathize with you - I know it won't be easy, but it will pay off in your better musical development She let Babette know that her finger-nails were a thing of beauty and it would be a sacrifice to cut them

For almost half a century he handled artists - such world-famous artists as Chaliapin, Isadora Duncan, and Pavlova " Sol Hurok was probably America's number one impresario

He couldn't afford to hire first-class authors to write for money alone Curtis, the poor boy from Maine, was starting on his meteoric career, which was destined to make him millions as owner of The Saturday Evening Post and the Ladies' Home Journal, he couldn't afford to pay his contributors the prices that other magazines paid

For example, he persuaded even Louisa May Alcott, the immortal author of Little Women, to write for him when she was at the flood tide of her fame; and he did it by offering to send a check for a hundred dollars, not to her, but to her favorite charity So he appealed to their nobler motives

All his talking and discussion hadn't helped, but by arousing an eager want in the manager, by showing him the modern station, he had accomplished his goal, and both the manager and Mike benefited This enabled Mike to reach the Number One spot in his district

For instance: I once gave a course in Effective Speaking for the young college graduates who were entering the employ of the Carrier Corporation, the large air-conditioner manufacturer Most people go through college and learn to read Virgil and master the mysteries of calculus without ever discovering how their own minds function

H Barnum, the greatest showman of his time, disappointed because he had no sons to carry on his name, offered his grandson, C

For many centuries, nobles and magnates supported artists, musicians and authors so that their creative works would be dedicated to them Seeley, $25,000 dollars if he would call himself "Barnum" Seeley

Research done a few years ago under the auspices of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching uncovered a most important and significant fact - a fact later confirmed by additional studies made at the Carnegie Institute of Technology Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer

For many years, I conducted courses each season at the Engineers' Club of Philadelphia, and also courses for the New York Chapter of the American Institute of Electrical Engineers These investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 percent of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-to personality and the ability to lead people

He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions

For months before Roosevelt's campaign for President began, Jim Farley wrote hundreds of letters a day to people all over the western and northwestern states No wonder he developed a following!

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature's best antidote fee trouble

For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give! And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours?

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 18 MAKING THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM POSSIBLE To dream the impossible dream and to make the impossible dream possible is to experience the ultimate greatness of coaching The essence of the Law of Attraction is to think, imagine, feel, act and focus on what you want positively and attract more of that into your life

For some people, their dreams seem like an illusion because they keep going around in circles, not knowing clearly enough what they really want and what they need to do to fulfill those dreams —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee People have dreams they want to fulfill in their lives, but for many, their dreams remain just dreams

"She took to her bed; and for ten years her old mother traveled to the third floor and back, carrying trays, nursing her The lonely years were stretching ahead and there was little left for her to anticipate

For some weeks, the invalid languished; then she got up, put on her clothing, and resumed living again Then one day the old mother, weary with service, lay down and died

Gates said in his splendid book Educational Psychology: "Sympathy the human species universally craves Arthur I

For the same purpose adults The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy

When I greeted him by his full name: 'Good afternoon, Mr " Levy told us: "I made a special effort to say his name over several times to myself before I made my call

For what seemed like several minutes there was no reply from him at all Nicodemus Papadoulos,' he was shocked

" I say "short I called it "How to Win Friends and Influence People

For years, I gave this talk each season to the adults in the Carnegie Institute courses in New York " It was short in the beginning, but it soon expanded to a lecture that consumed one hour and thirty minutes

Wilson leaned upon Colonel House for secret counsel and advice more than he did upon even members of his own cabinet House wielded an enormous influence in national and international affairs while Woodrow Wilson occupied the White House

Fortunately, we know, for House himself revealed it to Arthur D What method did the Colonel use in influencing the President?

" Who was to blame? Of course not, With tears in his eyes, Taft said: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have

Frankly, I don't know, and I don't care Roosevelt or Taft?

Who died maintaining his right of way-He was right, dead right, as he sped along, But he's just as dead as if he were wrong The Boston Transcript once printed this bit of significant doggerel: Here lies the body of William Jay,

Frederick S You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument; but as far as changing another's mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong

What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful

Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller "Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months

After observing and listening to him deeply, the coach felt intuitively that Boris's boss was the main problem Scenario 2 Boris complained continuously to his coach about how much he hated his job

From Boris's answers, it emerged the issue was not about the boss but something else not yet identified The coach was curious and continued to ask him questions

That is fine Good!

From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself?

" Responding to Feedback from Clients Feedback is a two-way process What could you do to react differently in these situations so that you could triumph over this emotional challenge?

From the beginning, you must have a sincere desire to seek feedback in order to improve your coaching Just as the client can ask for feedback from his coach, you can also ask for feedback from your client

Please share with me, what would be some of the critical incidents along the way? 15

From your observation, what patterns of behavior consistently emerge? 16

Gammond Gammond had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare, So the storyteller and I agreed to submit the question to Mr

Gammond listened, kicked me under the table, and then said: "Dale, you are wrong Mr

It is from the Bible The gentleman is right

Gammond: "Frank, you knew that quotation was from Shakespeare," "Yes, of course," he replied, "Hamlet, Act Five, Scene Two " On our way home that night, I said to Mr

What was I thinking? If something doesn't turn out as planned, ask yourself, "How did I create that?

What did I say or not say? What were my beliefs?

For example, when 2,500 employees in the White Motor Company's plant struck for higher wages and a union shop, Robert F Business executives have learned that it pays to be friendly to strikers

He actually praised the strikers Black, then president of the company, didn't lose his temper and condemn and threaten and talk of tryanny and Communists

But did he say, "Please do not publish that picture of me any more; I don't like it"? " When the late Lord Northcliffe found a newspaper using a picture of him which he didn't want published, he wrote the editor a letter

He appealed to the respect and love that all of us have for motherhood No, he appealed to a nobler motive

He read the lives of famous people and wrote them asking for additional information about their childhoods Instead, he started to educate himself, He saved his carfares and went without lunch until he had enough money to buy an encyclopedia of American biography - and then he did an unheard-of thing

He asked famous people to tell him more about themselves He was a good listener

He was far too adroit for that Oh, no, not Socrates

He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree His whole technique, now called the "Socratic method," was based upon getting a "yes, yes" response

He exploded again about carelessness in the accounting department I repeated that it was my fault

He blamed two other people in the office Again I explained it was my fault

Affectionately known as "America's #1 Success Coach", Jack has studied and reported on what makes successful people different He is a compelling, empowering and compassionate coach who for the past 30 years has helped hundreds of thousands of individuals achieve their dreams

He brings this critical insight to countless audiences internationally—sharing his success strategies in the media, with companies, universities and professional associations in more than 30 countries around the world He knows what motivates them, what drives them, and what inspires them

Hurok told me that one of the first lessons he had learned in dealing with his temperamental stars was the' necessity for sympathy, sympathy and more sympathy with their idiosyncrasies Mr

He carried on like a spoiled child For three years, he was impresario for Feodor Chaliapin -one of the greatest bassos who ever thrilled the ritzy boxholders at the Metropolitan, Yet Chaliapin was a constant problem

Different Response: Dastan brainstormed with his coach for solutions on how to create more free time, which was the outcome he wanted She expressed her frustration and feelings to Dastan

He comforted her with love and scheduled more time with his family He listened to his wife and assured her that he loved her and the family and that he was working very hard to provide for them

Until his death in 1955 he constantly improved and revised the course itself to make it applicable to the evolving needs of an every-growing public How to Win Friends and Influence People was written to be used as a textbook for his courses in Effective Speaking and Human Relations and is still used in those courses today

He constantly improved and refined his methods of teaching; he updated his book on Effective Speaking several times No one was more sensitive to the changing currents of present-day life than Dale Carnegie

The following morning, I received a letter from him He said he didn't know and told me what I already knew - that I could find out by calling the Forest Hills Garden Association

He could have gotten it in sixty seconds by a telephone call Did he give me the information I wanted?

He didn't have the money for a railroad ticket, so he traveled on a freight train, feeding and watering two carloads of wild horses in return for his passage, After landing in south Omaha, he got a job selling bacon and soap and lard for Armour and Company So he resolved to go to Omaha and get another job

He covered his territory by freight train and stage coach and horseback and slept in pioneer hotels where the only partition between the rooms was a sheet of muslin His territory was up among the Badlands and the cow and Indian country of western South Dakota

Lincoln telegraphed his orders and then sent a special messenger to Meade demanding immediate action So, with a surge of high hope, Lincoln ordered Meade not to call a council of war but to attack Lee immediately

He did the very opposite of what he was told to do And what did General Meade do?

At three o'clock in the morning, the others went home One man was so stirred by a talk on these principles that he sat far into the night discussing them with other members of the class

He didn't sleep that night or the next day or the next night But he was so shaken by a realization of his own mistakes, so inspired by the vista of a new and richer world opening before him, that he was unable to sleep

Where do I want to go from here? He is trying to find the answers to the questions: Where am I now?

He does not even know which city he is in He is looking at Google Maps and his zoom level is 18 where he sees himself stuck between the buildings and the streets

Cubellis had taken the trouble to find out about the accomplishments of his prospective employer " Mr

He encouraged the other person to do most of the talking - and made a favorable impression He showed an interest in the other person and his problems

' He praised my work, assured me that he wanted only a minor change and that my slight error hadn't cost his firm any money; and, after all, it was a mere detail - not worth worrying about 'I wouldn't think of putting you to all that trouble

He ended up by taking me to lunch; and before we parted, he gave me a check and another commission" There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one's errors "My eagerness to criticize myself took all the fight out of him

I could feel that He meant what he said

How he found time to do it is a mystery to me "A few days after returning to New York, I got an autographed photograph of President Roosevelt and a little note of thanks again expressing his appreciation for my assistance

Over the past 30 years, he has been a psychotherapist, an educational consultant, trainer, and a leading authority in the areas of self-esteem, achievement motivation and peak performance Ambrose University

He even holds the Guinness World Records for the largest book signing ever for Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul Jack Canfield holds the Guinness World Records for having seven books simultaneously on the New York Times Bestseller List—beating out Stephen King

He was so discouraged as a salesman that he was thinking of going back to working with his hands in a machine shop, when one day he received a letter inviting him to an organization meeting of the Dale Carnegie Course in Effective Speaking Suffering from an inferiority complex that, as he put it, was eating his heart out, he had to walk up and down in front of an office half a dozen times before he could summon up enough courage to open the door

He feared he would have to associate with a lot of college graduates, that he would be out of place He didn't want to attend

He called in another executive who had written a book on chain stores After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair and talked to me for exactly one hour and forty-seven minutes

He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service to humanity He wrote to the National Chain Store Association and secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject

I was very careful, however, not to let him think I was making an issue of this point An occasional carefully put remark on my part gave birth to the idea in his mind that possibly some of these rejected pieces were actually within the grade that they had bought, and that their requirements demanded a more expensive grade

He finally admitted to me that he was not experienced on white pine and began to ask me questions about each piece as it came out of the car, I would explain why such a piece came within the grade specified, but kept on insisting that we did not want him to take it if it was unsuitable for their purpose "Gradually his whole attitude changed

I checked my mailbox M

He had answered my form letter himself and indicated he could see me that afternoon and could give me ten minutes of his time There was my self-addressed envelope

He was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go Stan came home from work one evening to find his youngest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the living room floor

He had no choice Stan's normal reaction would have been to banish the child to his room and tell him he'd just better make up his mind to go

O'Haire joined one of my classes Years ago Patrick J

He had once been a chauffeur, and he came to me because he had been trying, without much success, to sell trucks He had had little education, and how he loved a scrap!

" Few generals in all history have had the courage and character to admit that "I and I alone have lost this battle

He had one middle-aged class member who had been estranged from his son for many years Michael Cheung, who teaches our course in Hong Kong, told of how the Chinese culture presents some special problems and how sometimes it is necessary to recognize that the benefit of applying a principle may be more advantageous than maintaining an old tradition

He asked additional questions A friendly conversation developed

He had originally given me only ten minutes to present my facts, but ten minutes passed, twenty minutes, forty minutes, and at the end of an hour we were still talking He was intensely interested

One of the great listeners of modern times was Sigmund Freud That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend

He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man A man who met Freud described his manner of listening: "It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him

" The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking "Carl could have had those sales, but he made no effort to arouse in us any desire for the policies

He has little competition So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage

Mr Canfield's next offering to the more than 100 million readers he currently reaches worldwide

He is founder and chairman of the Canfield Training Group in Santa Barbara, California, which trains entrepreneurs, educators, corporate leaders and motivated individuals how to accelerate the achievement of their personal and professional goals Canfield's other best-selling books The Power of Focus, The Aladdin Factor, and Dare to Win, have generated millions of bookstore and Internet sales, and have launched complementary products such as audio programs, video programs, corporate training programs and syndicated columns to enthusiastic corporate buyers

For example, for many years I lived in Forest Hills, a little community of private homes in the center of Greater New York Yet many salespeople spend a lifetime in selling without seeing things from the customer's angle

He knew Forest Hills well, so I hurriedly asked him whether or not my stucco house was built with metal lath or hollow tile One day as I was rushing to the station, I chanced to meet a real-estate operator who had bought and sold property in that area for many years

That is a long story, but how he got his start can be told briefly How did he do it?

He left school when he was thirteen and became an office boy for Western Union, but he didn't for one moment give up the idea of an education He got his start by using the principles advocated in this chapter

In spite of all his boundless energy and enthusiasm, he couldn't make the grade After graduating from college, he started selling correspondence courses to the ranchers among the sand hills of western Nebraska and eastern Wyoming

He longed to go back to college, he longed to retreat from the harsh battle of life; but he couldn't He became so discouraged that he went to his hotel room in Alliance, Nebraska, in the middle of the day, threw himself across the bed, and wept in despair

I decided to find out what interested this man - what caught his enthusiasm Duvernoy, "after studying human relations, I resolved to change my tactics

He not only belonged, but his bubbling enthusiasm had made him president of the organization, and president of the International Greeters "I discovered he belonged to a society of hotel executives called the Hotel Greeters of America

"There was no longer an argument "What happened?

He picked up first one and then another of the jars of cold cream and read the information on the tag Here was something new, something different

"And this I knew," reported Harvey, "would result in a boss-type explosion, While trying to decide how to handle this situation better, I realized that the whole mess was my fault and I would have to admit I it to my boss In order to do this, Harvey explained, he would have to obtain his supervisor's approval

He replied in an explosive manner that it was the fault of the personnel department "I walked into his office, told him that I had made a mistake and then informed him of the complete facts

George B Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation," The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned

He reported that whenever he came across workers who were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator for an engineering company, One of his re-sponsibilities is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field

"In the past, we had usually lunched together when he came to Chicago, so I invited him to have lunch with me this day Since he wasn't going to buy from us anymore, I recommended some other woolen houses

He returned home in a softened mood and, wanting to be just as fair with us as we had been with him, looked over his bills, found one that had been mislaid, and sent us a check with his apologies He accepted reluctantly, but when we came back to the office he placed a larger order than ever before

It is from umong such individuals that all humun failures spring Adler's statement is so rich with meaning that I am going to repeat it in italics: It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difjculties in life and provides the greutest injury to others

He said he could pick up any one of the dozens of stories that drifted across his desk every day and after reading a few paragraphs he could feel whether or not the author liked people I once took a course in short-story writing at New York University, and during that course the editor of a leading magazine talked to our class

" William James said: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated " Lincoln once began a letter saying: "Everybody likes a compliment

He said the "craving" to be appreciated " He didn't speak, mind you, of the "wish" or the "desire" or the "longing" to be appreciated

He didn't, say: "I don't want their pictures published , wished to stop newspaper photographers from snapping pictures of his children, he too appealed to the nobler motives

He said: "You know how it is, boys " No, he appealed to the desire, deep in all of us, to refrain from harming children

That boy would have eaten spinach, sauerkraut, salt mackerel - anything in order to be big enough to whip the bully who had humiliated him so often And when his father explained that the boy would be able to wallop the daylights out of the bigger kid someday if he would only eat the things his mother wanted him to eat - when his father promised him that - there was no longer any problem of dietetics

He slept with his grandmother After solving that problem, the parents tackled another: the little boy had the unholy habit of wetting his bed

To illustrate: When he was a boy back in Scotland, he got hold of a rabbit, a mother rabbit And he used that discovery to win cooperation

He soon had a whole nest of little rabbits - and nothing to feed them Presto!

He was ashamed of his coat, which was too tight, and his trousers, which were too short He was ashamed of the poverty that made it necessary for him to ride back to the farm and milk the cows every night

He soon saw that there were certain groups in college that enjoyed influence and prestige - the football and baseball players and the chaps who won the debating and public-speaking contests Rapidly developing an inferiority complex, he looked about for some shortcut to distinction

Dale Carnegie would tell you that he made a living all these years, not by teaching public speaking - that was incidental They are all in the same boat; and, by constant practice, they develop a courage, confidence and enthusiasm that carry over into their private speaking

He started out at first to conduct merely a course in public speaking, but the students who came were business men and women His main job was to help people conquer their fears and develop courage

He began taking pictures of the scene Glancing around, Woodcock noticed a man up the street getting out of his car with a camera

He strolled up the street to the photographer Utility people are extremely conscious of public relations, and suddenly Woodcock realized what this setup looked like to the man with the camera - overkill, dozens of people being called out to do a two-person job

There couldn't be the slightest doubt about it I knew that, I knew it positively

He stuck to his guns And so, to get a feeling of importance and display my superiority, I appointed myself as an unsolicited and unwelcome committee of one to correct him

He hesitated He called a council of war in direct violation of Lincoln's orders

He telegraphed all manner of excuses He procrastinated

' He reminded me that I probably paid $25 to $30 for the rental I replied, 'Yes, several years ago

He then asked if I was the kind of person who liked to save money I said 'yes' again

His response to my question for a rental was completely different from the other place Eddie described what happened: "A very pleasant gentleman answered the phone

He then asked me if I had rented before He said he was sorry but they no longer rented bows because they couldn't afford to do so

This man was no exception " Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about his early struggles

He told how he had fought against discouragement and battled against ridicule, working Sundays and holidays, twelve to sixteen hours a day; how he had finally won against all odds until now the most important executives on Wall Street were coming to him for information and guidance He talked for a long time about how he had started with $450 in cash and an original idea

This is a treasure 'And look at this!

He told me all he knew, and then called in his subordinates and questioned them ' "We spent half an hour talking stamps and looking at a picture of his boy, and he then devoted more than an hour of his time to giving me every bit of information I wanted - without my even suggesting that he do it

F The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall

He told our class: "It was apparent that talking to, reasoning with or shouting at the service manager was not going to lead to a satisfactory resolution of my problems Gale Connor of Lutherville, Maryland, proved this when he had to take his four-month-old car to the service department of the car dealer for the third time

He then gave me double the usual order, I looked at him with surprise and asked him what had happened since my visit only a few hours earlier When I walked up to the owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back

He told the owner that if any salesperson deserved his business, it was I He pointed to the young man at the soda fountain and said that after I had left, the boy had come over and said that I was one of the few salespeople that called on the store that even bothered to say hello to him and to the others in the store

Horace Greeley, the most famous editor in America during the time of the Civil War, disagreed violently with Lincoln's policies But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus

He waged this bitter campaign month after month, year after year He believed that he could drive Lincoln into agreeing with him by a campaign of argument, ridicule and abuse

He was too adroit for that Not House

He wanted results He didn't care about credit

A naive, untrained individual ready to gush over any new theory that came along? Who was he?

He was a sophisticated, blasй dealer in art, very much the man about town, who spoke three languages fluently and was a graduate of two European universities No, Far from it

Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name Finally, he said with tears rolling down his cheeks, 'Mr

He was called the Steel King; yet he himself knew little about the manufacture of steel ' " What was the reason for Andrew Carnegie's success?

"Well, it isn't as good as it used to be," he said modestly " He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles

He was immensely pleased I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent

He told me again that I could get it by telephoning, and then asked me to let him handle my insurance But he didn't

He was interested only in helping himself He was not interested in helping me

I guess I had better get back to work Chamberlain, I have been keeping the Federal Reserve Board waiting thirty minutes

He was introduced to Roosevelt when he arrived ' "I took a mechanic with me to the White House

He found out who wrote the letter, leaped on his horse, started after Lincoln, and challenged him to fight a duel Shields, sensitive and proud, boiled with indignation

He was opposed to dueling, but he couldn't get out of it and save his honor Lincoln didn't want to fight

Dr Chee is the chief coach and devel-oper of the Certified Coaching and Mentoring Professional (CCMP) program's Advance Certificate in Coaching and Certificate in Perfor-mance Coaching, which is accredited and recognized by the Interna-tional Coaching Federation (ICF)

He was the president of ARTDO International, a nonprofit professional umbrella body that brings together renowned national HRD bodies, governments, and multinational companies active in HRD work globally Chee is a Baden Powell Fellow of the World Scout Foundation, an honor bestowed by the king of Sweden

I was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross's honor; and during the dinner, the man sitting next to me told a humorous story which hinged on the quotation "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will The Australian government awarded him fifty thousand dollars; the King of England knighted him; and, for a while, he was the most talkedabout man under the Union Jack

He was wrong " The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible

His mind refused to function The first time he had attempted to speak in class, he was literally struck dumb

He worked on Wall Street, and for twenty-five years he had been living in Clifton, New Jersey His story is a vivid illustration of how leadership gravitates to the person who can talk

We won first prizes by the score We used to exhibit our hogs and white-faced cattle at the country fairs and livestock shows throughout the Middle West

He would hold one end and I would hold the other while he exhibited the blue ribbons My father pinned his blue ribbons on a sheet of white muslin, and when friends or visitors came to the house, he would get out the long sheet of muslin

Rather than see it as a burdensome imposition, the client accepted his friend's call as a gift that helped him succeed There were times when our client would have given up on his own, but he knew that his friend was going to call every week with the accountability question, so he persisted with his efforts

Healthy accountability is a proactive commitment to encourage and empower the client (or anyone else) to accomplish what they have set out to do Unhealthy accountability is when you are forced to be accountable to someone else and you do it unwillingly

If you want a car, see the world from inside the car as you are driving it Place yourself inside the picture and see things through your eyes

Hear the sounds you would be hearing if you had already achieved your vision 2

When, to the contrary, a person says "Yes," none of the withdrawal activities takes place The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance

Hence the more "Yeses" we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal The organism is in a forward - moving, accepting, open attitude

Henry: I would say that this is a high-priority item in the mid-term and the other items on my list are of a higher priority in the immediate term, so I would focus on them first How would you rank this action step in terms of priority compared to the other items you have stated in your list?

How do you feel? Coach: Well, it looks like we have a plan

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART VI In this part of the coaching conversation, Henry and his coach plan out a system that will help him to keep track of his progress and the completion of action steps that enable him to achieve his goals —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 27 Keep Score of Goals and Action Steps People can make adjustments to stay on course when they know how they are progressing toward their goal at any given time

Henry: Well, I could devise a scorecard that will help me keep track of things Coach: How would you know how things are progressing with you and your team on the breakthrough goal and the subgoals?

Coach: So put yourself in the shoes of Tony Robbins My secretary wasn't around to remind me to call my wife on the day the supplier fouled up

Henry: Well, Tony's personality always knew what was important and what to do first What would you do if you were Tony Robbins?

That's why I need a coach like you to help me Henry: I think you're right but I have been doing the best I can

Henry: What do you mean? Coach: My honest feedback is that, you have good intentions of solving problems but the methods you use seem to focus on punishing people and faulting their characters rather that motivating them to change

Coach: I am curious There are eleven of them, and I wish I could have them all replaced with better team members

Henry: Whenever I tell them what to do, initially they follow but then later they keep making more and more mistakes Can you say more about that?

I'll add this to my action list If I can be a great trainer for my team, this will also help me become a better leader for them

Henry: Yes Coach: Anything else you would like to do?

The goals and solutions feel like my babies since I gave birth to them I was the one who decided to work on getting a better performance with my team first, and I created the solutions myself with some help from you

Henry: Yes Coach: Do you think that getting better performance from your staff will help you achieve your other goals?

Coach: That sounds great I think I am beginning to get a much better idea about my pattern of behavior that is limiting my progress

Henry: Yes, I did send out the anonymous feedback forms to all my staff, and the response rate was close to 90 percent I am so eager to hear that, but just before we go there, can we revisit your action step from our last conversation?

For the "love pattern" in part two, I will schedule powerful presentations to support my team and my customers at least two times each week for one hour, and I will call my wife to hear her kind words and warm voice every time I feel down Henry: Part one is clear and specific enough for me

Henry: Yes, for this I'll do the following: 1 Coach: And, what about the "nurturing pattern" in part two?

" Coach: Well done again " If all of the eight items have not been fully accomplished then her next accountability question will be, "What would it take for you to accomplish all of the action items this week or should you revise the items?

Henry: Yes, there are two more very important things Is there anything else that you would like to be held accountable for?

" Tragic? ' " Life once wrecked all her dream ships on the sharp rocks of reality; but in the sunny, fantasy isles of insanity, all her barkentines race into port with canvas billowing and winds singing through the masts

Her physician said to me: If I could stretch out my hand and restore her sanity, I wouldn't do it Oh, I don't know

In each case, the customer had signed for the work done, so the company knew it was right - and said so None of the customers protested the entire bill, but each claimed that some one charge was wrong

Here are the steps the men in the credit department took to collect these overdue bills That was the first mistake

I should like to place an order with you for fuel The last words he said to me were: "Please see me again later in the spring

Here he was offering to buy fuel without my even suggesting it " To me that was almost a miracle

Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people Charles Schwab told me himself that he had many men working for him who knew more about the manufacture of steel than he did

Here is his secret set down in his own words - words that ought to be cast in eternal bronze and hung in every home and school, every shop and office in the land - words that children ought to memorize instead of wasting their time memorizing the conjugation of Latin verbs or the amount of the annual rainfall in Brazil - words that will all but transform your life and mine if we will only live them: "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people," said Schwab, "the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement I asked him how he did it

—Napoleon Hill This is the most valuable question you may ever learn —Robert Collier OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 16 USING FEEDBACK, LEARNING, AND PERSEVERANCE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win

Here it is: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of my/our (performance relationship/service/product) during the last week (two weeks/month/quarter/semester/season)? It's a question that can radically change the quality of your life; a question that can improve the quality of every relationship you are in, every product you produce, every service you deliver, every meeting you conduct, every class you teach, and every transaction you enter into

If that is what they want, we'll give it to them "Fine

Here was a fine kettle of fish! " Looking around for a textbook, they discovered that no working manual had ever been written to help people solve their daily problems in human relationships

—Napoleon Hill OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 17 USING THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND CELEBRATING SUCCESS The person who sends positive thoughts activates the world around him positively and draws back to him positive results Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit

Here's how it works; like attracts like —Norman Vincent Peale Activating the Law of Attraction The essence of applying the Law of Attraction is to think, imagine, feel, act, and focus on what you want, and attract more of that into your life

When will you start using the affirmation? I need it badly

How frequently? For how long?

4 By when will you finish it?

How frequently? How long will you continue to do this?

But on the one subject on which he has a thirst for knowledge, a veritable passion for guidance and help - nothing! For hundreds of years, learned volumes had been written on Greek and Latin and higher mathematics - topics about which the average adult doesn't give two hoots

Here, apparently, at last was the thing for which they had long been seeking This explained the presence of twenty-five hundred eager adults crowding into the grand ballroom of the Hotel Pennsylvania in response to a newspaper advertisement

Creating awareness was the necessary step to stimulating his desire to change As you have just seen from Henry's experience, the right feedback and questions from his coach enabled him to discover things that were limiting his progress in his work and his life which he was not fully aware of

His coach did not have to push him to change or tell him what to do You can see how his coach used the right guestions to help spark this self-awareness and self-acceptance

At home, he milked the cows, cut the wood, fed the hogs, and studied his Latin verbs by the light of a coal-oil lamp until his eyes blurred and he began to nod So he stayed on the farm and commuted on horseback three miles to college each day

His father bred pedigreed Duroc-Jersey hogs - and there was danger, during the bitter cold nights, that the young pigs would freeze to death; so they were put in a basket, covered with a gunny sack, and set behind the kitchen stove Even when he got to bed at midnight, he set the alarm for three o'clock

Roosevelt called at the White House one day when the President and Mrs How could anyone keep from liking him?

His honest liking for humble people was shown by the fact that he greeted all the old White House servants by name, even the scullery maids Taft were away

So the little village of Stony Point had two funerals that week instead of one The ground was covered with snow, the air was cold and snappy; the horse hadn't been exercised for days; and as he was led out to the watering trough, he wheeled playfully, kicked both his heels high in the air, and killed Jim Farley

His oldest boy, Jim, was ten, and he went to work in a brickyard, wheeling sand and pouring it into the molds and turning the brick on edge to be dried by the sun Jim Farley left behind him a widow and three boys, and a few hundred dollars in insurance

What did the little boy want? Naturally, the little boy would run screaming to his mother, and she would have to come out and take the bully off the tricycle and put her little boy on again, This happened almost every day

His pride, his anger, his desire for a feeling of importance - all the strongest emotions in his makeup - goaded him to get revenge, to smash the bully in the nose It didn't take a Sherlock Holmes to answer that one

Dr With his commitment to a societal-oriented philosophy, the ITD World's "love thy nation" campaigns have channelled sizable funds to support the needy sections of many national societies

His purpose is to transform leaders and change the world with love for God and people Chee has fulfilled many of his dreams

" And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics To forget it is oblivion

His technique? Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met

There was none of that piercing 'soul penetrating gaze' business Never had I seen such concentrated attention

His voice was low and kind His eyes were mild and genial

As described in the magazine Flight Operations, at three hundred feet in the air, both engines suddenly stopped " Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot and frequent per-former at air shows, was returning to his home in Los Angeles from an air show in San Diego

Hoover's first act after the emergency landing was to inspect the airplane's fuel By deft maneuvering he managed to land the plane, but it was badly damaged although nobody was hurt

She thought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternal finger in the calf's mouth and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn She couldn't write essays and books; but, on this occasion at least, she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson had

How about the time you gave a large contribution to the Red Cross? Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something

On a scale of 1 to 10, what is the likelihood that each of the action steps will be completed on time? 14

How can we make the score higher to increase your chances of getting them done? 15

" or "Oo-oo-oo, James! Whenever he went by our cottage, even though we were out of sight, we would hear him call out: "Oo-oo-oo, Annie?

How could employees keep from liking a man like that? " It was just a friendly greeting as he went by

Achievers Coaching Questions for The Law Of Attraction 1 It would be highly beneficial for you to practice using various questioning techniques that help your clients utilize the powerful Law of Attraction more effectively

How could you rephrase your statement to take advantage of this law? I believe you know about the Law of Attraction—focusing on what you want and attracting more of that

33 What would be a truly outrageous solution that could literally astound others?

How could you speed it up to make it happen in the next year? If you looked 10 years into the future, what new solutions could there be?

6 What's frustrating your progress and holding you back?

How do you feel about it? What's stopping you?

4 What goals have you achieved so far?

How do you feel about what you have achieved? Congratulations

22 How would that change your reaction to this issue?

How do you feel? Close your eyes and imagine that wherever those feelings you just released were stored in your body is now filling up with a beautiful soft white light

They said they felt a strong sense of ownership toward our breakthrough goal, and we were able to all happily agree on the 40 million sales target for this year Each team member anonymously submitted their reply slip to me

How do you feel? Coach: Well, congratulations on your many achievements

Would you like to include creating this support structure as one of your action steps? 18

How often? By when?

Mangum was able to schedule a top-flight mechanic for this job, he telephoned the hotel manager and instead of arguing with him to give him the necessary time, he said: "Rick, I know your hotel is quite busy and you would like to keep the escalator shutdown time to a minimum When Mr

However, our diagnosis of the situation shows that if we do not do a complete job now, your escalator may suffer more serious damage and that would cause a much longer shutdown I understand your concern about this, and we want to do everything possible to accommodate you

Hurok's own inimitable phrase: "He was a hell of a fellow in every way To put it in Mr

Hurok about noun of the day he was going to sing and say, "Sol, I feel terrible " For example, Chaliapin would call up Mr

At first, I conducted courses in public speaking only - courses designed to train adults, by actual experience, to think on their feet and express their ideas with more clarity, more effectiveness and more poise, both in business interviews and before groups I have, since 1912, been conducting educational courses for business and professional men and women in New York

I also gradually realized that I was sorely in need of such training myself But gradually, as the seasons passed, I realized that as sorely as these adults needed training in effective speaking, they needed still more training in the fine art of getting along with people in everyday business and social contacts

My secretary is very good at sensing when I am down Henry: I need someone to remind me to call my wife, whenever I am feeling depressed

I am confident she can support me by reminding me to call my wife She always asks me how I am

How do you feel? Just give me three minutes

I am fully motivated to make this turnaround I am feeling great, and I am confident that I can create the new belief that I want

For example, when some irritated reader wrote in to say that he didn't agree with such and such an article and ended by calling Hubbard this and that, Elbert Hubbard would answer like this: Come to think it over, I don't entirely agree with it myself But Hubbard with his rare skill for handling people frequently turned his enemies into friends

I am glad to learn what you think on the subject Not everything I wrote yesterday appeals to me today

It's something that you can do better than anyone else, something you know more about than anyone else And now, because you are fair - minded and patient, I am going to ask you to do something for me

I am going to leave it all up to you Here is your bill; I know it is safe for me to ask you to adjust it, just as you would do if you were the president of my company

21 How do you think you will feel the next time something like that happens?

I am here for you all the way Can you "turn up the volume" and let more of your emotions out?

Absurd? " Ridiculous?

I am merely passing it on to you without comment as a recipe used by one of the most famous magicians of all time You are privileged to think anything you like

Fantastic? Laughable?

I am merely reporting, without comment, a declaration made by a conservative and eminently successful Harvard graduate in a public address to approximately six hundred people at the Yale Club in New York on the evening of Thursday, February 23, 1933 Of course, you are privileged to dismiss this statement with whatever adjective you wish

Henry: Definitely Shall we work on creating a brighter future?

I am ready and determined to exterminate this nasty "bug" in my head I am fully aware of my problem and I accept that I have to do something about it

I had no way of raising the money over the weekend, so when I received his phone call first thing on Monday morning I expected the worst "On a Friday," she reported, "I received a nasty phone call from the man who was handling my account informing me if I did not come up with $122 by Monday morning I could anticipate further action from the company

I apologized most sincerely for causing him so much inconvenience and remarked that I must be his most troublesome customer as this was not the first time I was behind in my payments Instead of becoming upset I looked at the situation from his point of view

For forty years he had traveled all over the world, time and again, creating illusions, mystifying audiences, and making people gasp with astonishment I spent an evening in the dressing room of Howard Thurston the last time he appeared on Broadway -Thurston was the acknowledged dean of magicians

I asked Mr More than 60 million people had paid admission to his show, and he had made almost $2 million in profit

My family never made any plans for me on Saturday night, for the family knew that I devoted a part of each Saturday evening to the illuminating process of selfexamination and review and appraisal "For years I have kept an engagement book showing all the appointments I had during the day

I asked myself: 'What mistakes did I make that time? After dinner I went off by myself, opened my engagement book, and thought over all the interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place during the week

They quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said, "I'll prove I am " Years ago, when I was a barefoot boy walking through the woods to a country school out in northwest Missouri, I read a fable about the sun and the wind

I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can See the old man down there with a coat?

My team members grow and develop into effective sales professionals; they reap handsome rewards and look up to me as a good leader who made a difference for them My wife Edith embracing me and congratulating me as we celebrate together in Paris

I celebrate together with my CEO at the coming New Year's party I receive a promotion and a hefty profit sharing from the great performance

' He went on to explain that they had bow sets with all the necessary equipment on sale for $34 Naturally, I answered 'yes

I could buy a complete set for only $4 95

" That would be funny enough for me I could do something physical and funny like spin three rounds quickly and put my hands up like superman flying up to the sky and then laugh out loud and say, "I am free

I could call this the "humor pattern It would make me feel like a kid again and ready to install a new pattern

I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh But tomorrow I will be a real daddy!

I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy - a little boy! I will bite my tongue when impatient words come

I had never talked with a botanist before, and I found him fascinating For example, I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher

I had a small indoor garden of my own - and he was good enough to tell me how to solve some of my problems I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and even told me astonishing facts about the humble potato)

" 'I don't know what you did to the old boy,' the steward greeted me, 'but he sure is sold on you! But a few days later, the steward of his hotel phoned me to come over with samples and prices

I had been drumming at that man for four years - trying to get his business - and I'd still be drumming at him if I hadn't finally taken the trouble to find out what he was interested in, and what he enjoyed talking about ' "Think of it!

" 'After I got to know the President,' House said, 'I learned the best way to convert him to an idea was to plant it in his mind casually, but so as to interest him in it - so as to get him thinking about it on his own account Howden Smith, and Smith quoted House in an article in The Saturday Evening Post

I had been visiting him at the White House and urged a policy on him which he appeared to disapprove The first time this worked it was an accident

L ---- said as he related the incident before the class "I was surprised to get that letter," Dr

I had never had an X-ray manufacturer seeking my advice before "I was both surprised and complimented

' "Laurie noted my condition and in a calm voice asked, 'Do you really want to know? I just looked at her and said sadly, 'Why, Laurie, Why?

I had never listened to her ' I nodded and Laurie told me, first hesitantly, and then it all flowed out

I am ashamed that I have been guilty of doing that very thing in the past "Before I began the study of human relations, I would have told this prospective depositor that if he refused to give the bank this information, we should have to refuse to accept this account

I had shown who was boss, that the bank's rules and regulations couldn't be flouted Naturally, an ultimatum like that made me feel good

When I went to college, I studied logic and argumentation and went in for debating contests During my youth, I had argued with my brother about everything under the Milky Way

I had to be shown Talk about being from Missouri, I was born there

' " 'Because your motors are too hot 'Why?

I had tried that sort of thing too long I can't put my hand on them,' "I knew it wouldn't do any good to argue

" I love this phrase, and I love feedback, since I know it can help me serve you better He said, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions

I have Ken Blanchard's books Henry: Thanks for sharing this

We have come a long way from where we started when I said that I wanted better performance from my team At a celebration party, my CEO called me a "renaissance leader" as he handed me a surprise letter to announce my promotion

I have also been amazed how my stress level and hypertension have been reduced, and I am now enjoying the benefits of emotional, mental, and physical well-being The most recent written feedback from them was full of glowing praises of how I had transformed from a terrible boss into a nurturing leader who really adds value to people

Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby " I am afraid I have visualized you as a man

I have asked too much, too much Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder

I have won prizes or awards for engaging in this type of activity 2

I have been very successful at this type of activity 3

" If Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley, Dutch Schultz, and the desperate men and women behind prison walls don't blame themselves for anything - what about the people with whom you and I come in contact? Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their antisocial acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all

I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence John Wanamaker, founder of the stores that bear his name, once confessed: "I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold

Coach: Well, we are almost coming to the end of our coaching session for today " I will then ask for his support if needed to improve on the scorecard and its implementation

I have noted them down There are plenty of action items for the next two weeks

Just imagine if you continued with this pattern for years to come: What could be the worst-case scenario? Coach: I can relate with how you feel

I have seen that happen to others Henry: I imagine being lonely, not progressing in my career, getting a demotion, and being the first laid off when tough times come

" FATHER FORGETS W ' This one certainly did

I have stolen into your room alone Livingston Larned Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead

White pine happened to be my own strong suit, but did I offer any objection to the way he was grading the lumber? This particular lumber was white pine, and I knew the inspector was thoroughly schooled in hard woods but not a competent, experienced inspector on white pine

I kept on watching and gradually began to ask questions as to why certain pieces were not satisfactory None whatever

Rex was out in front, heading straight for the officer Rex and I raced over the brow of a hill one afternoon and there, suddenly - to my dismay - I saw the majesty of the law, astride a bay horse

I knew it I was in for it

I loved to build fires myself when I was a boy - and I still love to 0

I know you boys don't mean to do any harm, but other boys aren't so careful But you know they are very dangerous here in the park

I told him I was interested only in his car, and that he knew more about his car than anyone else in the world; that he was the authority on the subject 3

I let him talk, and I listened to him with all the interest and sympathy that he wanted - and had expected 4

We won't have any trees here at all if we aren't more careful, You could be put in jail for building this fire They come along and see that you have built a fire; so they build one and don't put it out when they go home and it spreads among the dry leaves and kills the trees

I like to see you enjoy yourselves; but won't you please rake all the leaves away from the fire right now - and you'll be careful to cover it with dirt, a lot of dirt, before you leave, won't you? But I don't want to be bossy and interfere with your pleasure

Coach: Anything else that you would like to do? I will definitely work on it

I like visualizing and feeling the love pattern Henry: Yes—a lot of good ideas seem to be flowing from inside me

He went on to tell me several examples of how rude his customers sometimes were, how they lied to him and often tried to avoid talking to him at all His tone of voice changed immediately, and he reassured me that I was far from being one of his really troublesome customers

I listened and let him pour out his troubles to me I said nothing

I'm going to give them the very best I possibly can He told me that every time he went on stage he said to himself: "I am grateful because these people come to see me, They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way

I love my audience " He declared he never stepped in front of the footlights without first saying to himself over and over: "I love my audience

Opportunities always come to me and I give thanks 1

I love myself, I love others, I love what I do, and I love Life! 2

I might be wrong, but I believe your can use this to replace the sadistic pattern and over time to become your default pattern " Coach: I suggest that after you do your "humor pattern," you visualize this "love pattern" and anchor its feeling in your heart

I love your suggestion Henry: I'd like that very much

"Richard Pryor had the type of experience we wanted for this position, and he was interviewed first by my assistant, who told him about all the negatives related to this job We don't even provide leads for prospects, as we cannot advertise for them as our larger competitors do

I mentioned the one benefit of being associated with my firm, that of being an independent contractor and therefore virtually being self-employed He seemed slightly discouraged when he came into my office

But I said to myself, 'I am studying a course in how to deal with people, so I'll try it on him - and see how it works Everyone told me that the landlord was extremely difficult to deal with

I met him at the door with a friendly greeting ' "He and his secretary came to see me as soon as he got my letter

In what way is this belief limiting you? People are dishonest and cannot be trusted

I miss out on a lot of good business opportunities It negatively affects my relationship with people, and I avoid partnering with people

I am worried about my own problems [Who cares what your company desires?

I missed the eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn't invited to the Jones's dance last night, the doctor tells me I have high blood pressure and neuritis and dandruff The bank is foreclosing the mortage on my house, the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks, the stock market tumbled yesterday

If you want to get this decision done with, what would you do? Do you think that something is causing you to procrastinate?

I notice that you are hesitating on making a decision on something that you want to resolve 3

But with his natural geniality, he had a flair for making people like him, so he went into politics, and as the years went by, he developed an uncanny ability for remembering people's names This boy Jim never had a chance to get much education

I once interviewed Jim Farley and asked him the secret of his success He never saw the inside of a high school; but before he was forty-six years of age, four colleges had honored him with degrees and he had become chairman of the Democratic National Committee and Postmaster General of the United States

But I didn't Then I was going to roll up my sleeves and tell her what I really thought

I realized that any hotheaded fool could do that - and that most fools would do just that I controlled myself

I will repeat it many times daily without allowing any doubts to disrupt my thinking and I will visualize the benefit that I would enjoy with this change How will you use this as your affirmation?

I really want to make this change In what way does this reflect what you really want?

" But instead of my colleagues sharing my triumphs, they seemed to resent them "I was good at my work and proud of it," Henrietta told one of our classes

I really wanted them to be my friends I wanted to be liked by these people

Whenever I questioned her, she would give me a reason why the boss could not see me Wolf described what happened: "I did not get a reply from her all week long

I really wanted to see him and discuss my problems before the weekend, so I asked myself how I could get him to see me Friday morning came and I had heard nothing definite

" True, I had blundered, and perhaps I deserved this rebuke He simply returned it to me with this scribbled across the bottom: "Your bad manners are exceeded only by your bad manners

I resented it so sharply that when I read of the death of Richard Harding Davis ten years later, the one thought that still persisted in my mind - I am ashamed to admit - was the hurt he had given me But, being human, I resented it

So I resolved to try to turn her hostility into friendliness I wanted to be above fools

I said to myself, "After all, if I were she, I would probably feel just as she does It would be a challenge, a sort of game I could play

Guiltily I came to your bedside Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me

I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you

Henry: One of my sales executives has a habit of making promises to clients to secure sales, and when we are not able to deliver the vehicles on time, customers get furious, and many just cancel their orders Coach: Can you give some specific examples?

I shouted at my staff and called him a dishonest, irresponsible phony The last time this happened I could not hold my frustration

"This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness into our home in the two months since I started than there was during the last year I told her that in the future she could expect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up every morning

I smile at the cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change "As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator in the apartment house with a 'Good morning' and a smile, I greet the doorman with a smile

Do you also have any other objectives? Coach: Is that something you would like to work on?

I suppose the other main thing that I have stated in my coaching objective is to be a more effective leader Henry: I really want to work on this

" I received a letter the next day, informing me that my rent would be increased only 50 percent instead of 300 percent " As I talked, I wrote these two "disadvantages" under the proper heading, and handed the sheet of paper to the manager, saying: "I wish you would carefully consider both the advantages and disadvantages that are going to accrue to you and then give me your final decision

I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted

I was told that his prices were very competitive and his service was outstanding I introduced myself and explained to him that I had bought my car from his dealership because of the recommendations of friends who had had previous dealings with him

I then explained the problem I was having with the service department He smiled with satisfaction as he listened to me

Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way" I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer

I thought about what they wanted So when I went fishing, I didn't think about what I wanted

" I told him that I had been immensely entertained and instructed - and I had I was "hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise

I told him that I should love to wander the fields with him - and I have I told him I wished I had his knoledge - and I did

2 I explained I had called to find out what it was the company had done, or failed to do

I told him the company made no claims to being infallible I made it clear that, until I had heard the customer's story, I had no opinion to offer

We are about to leave home for a skiing expedition over the weekend Erika just gave me a lovely smile

I told them the whole story of our coaching journey and we know that in all the remaining winters of our lives, our hearts will be warm when we recall what you have done for us Edith and Erika have both asked me to tell you that you have made a difference in their lives too

I can't sustain competitiveness, my business fails, and my family and I suffer severe consequences What would be the worst-case scenario if you keep believing this?

I want to feel good about others, have trusting and strong relationships with many people, and attract good people who want to partner and work with me How would you prefer to be, act, and feel?

I finally located a young man with ideal qualifications who was about to be graduated from Purdue University in computer science for my department

I was delighted when he accepted my offer After several phone conversations I learned that he had several offers from other companies, many of them larger and better known than mine

' 'What lessons can I learn from that experience? ' 'What did I do that was rightand in what way could I have improved my performance?

I was frequently astonished at my own blunders ' "I often found that this weekly review made me very unhappy

It is a two-way street-both parties benefit It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention

I was in a welfare ward of a city hospital and was scheduled to undergo major orthopedic surgery the next day Martin Ginsberg, who took our Course in Long Island New York, reported how the special interest a nurse took in him profoundly affected his life: "It was Thanksgiving Day and I was ten years old

That mollified her and she wrote me a note saying she was sorry she had written as she had I expressed the hope that her son would go on to accomplish what she had hoped for him in the position which he then had

I was therein advised that, due to the nervous prostration that had followed her disappointment in this case, she had to take to her bed and had developed a most serious case of cancer of the stomach "But the appointment I sent in was not confirmed at once, and after an interval I received a letter which purported to come from her husband, though it was in the the same handwriting as all the others

R---- said as he related the story before one of my classes, "I had lost my voice "When it came my turn to meet the executives in conference," Mr

I was ushered into a room and found myself face to face with the textile engineer, the purchasing agent, the director of sales and the president of the company I could hardly whisper

In fact, devising and implementing the scorecard that you have just described is in itself an action step for you Coach: That would be good

I will add this to my list Henry: Yes, indeed, an important action step

In various capacities in bank operations with the Bankers Trust Company in New York, leading to my present assignment as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all phases of banking including depositor relations, credits, loans and administration Using the principles she had learned in our course, she wrote the following letter to twelve banks in Phoenix: Dear Sir: My ten years of bank experience should be of interest to a rapidly growing bank like yours

I will be in Phoenix the week of April 3 and would appreciate the opportunity to show you how I can help your bank meet its goals I will be relocating to Phoenix in May and I am sure I can contribute to your growth and profit

So ask them questions They know more about their business and problems than you do

If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt Let them tell you a few things

I like to play basketball, but the last few times I've been to the gymnasium there haven't been enough people to get up a game One of the participants wanted to persuade the others to play basketball in their free time, and this is about what he said: "I want you to come out and play basketball

I wish all of you would come down tomorrow night Two or three of us got to throwing the ball around the other night - and I got a black eye

"I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview," said Dean Donham of the Harvard business school, "than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer " True, this will take time, but it will avoid making enemies and will get better results - and with less friction and less shoe leather

I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that persob - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer " That is so important that I am going to repeat it in italics for the sake of emphasis

I'll ask good questions, listen to the answers, and draw out the best from the team members Henry: I plan to use the same coaching process that you are providing to me

I'll also get everyone involved in creating the goal and then let them commit themselves willingly to our breakthrough goal I'll ask them to visualize the benefits of improved performance and a high-performance work culture

Can you elaborate on how you will talk to them about being your accountability partner and what accountability question you want them to ask you? Coach: That's very clear on your side

I'll explain the problem of my undesired habits to my secretary and how I intend to solve them Henry: Good question

Coach: Could you please e-mail me a copy of your scorecards before our next coaching session so that I can review them before we meet? I believe this can help us realize our dreams

I'll send you the format first for your feedback Henry: Certainly

So-and-so, if what you say is true, I am at fault and there is absolutely no excuse for my blunder So I said: ''Mr

I'm ashamed of myself I have been doing drawings for you long enough to know bet-ter

I beat him to it So I didn't wait until the policeman started talking

I'm guilty I said: "Officer, you've caught me redhanded

I volunteer for this type of activity 4

I'm instinctively attracted to this type of activity 5

Coach: Shall we break down your goal into more detailed action steps and strategies to ensure your success? CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART V In this part of the coaching conversation, Henry and his coach work together to specify in greater detail the strategies and action steps for the accomplishment of his breakthrough goal

I'm ready to get into action Henry: You bet!

" I exclaimed "Africa!

I've always wanted to see Africa, but I never got there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers "How interesting!

The owner came out to give me a few instructions about where he wished to plant a mass of rhododendrons and azaleas McMahon, who was superintendent of Lewis and Valentine, nurserymen and landscape architects in Rye, New York, related this incident: "Shortly after I attended the talk on 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' I was landscaping the estate of a famous attorney

I've been admiring your beautiful dogs "I said, 'Judge, you have a lovely hobby

Will I win or lose? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me?

If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? What price will I have to pay if I win?

I can change my belief I am capable

If I don't have the knowledge, there's someone out there who can teach me Other people have accomplished this

If I had Meade's timid temperament, perhaps I would have done just what he had done It is easy enough for me to sit here in the quiet of the White House and order Meade to attack; but if I had been up at Gettysburg, and if I had seen as much blood as Meade has seen during the last week, and if my ears had been pierced with the screams and shrieks of the wounded and dying, maybe I wouldn't be so anxious to attack either

If I send this letter, it will relieve my feelings, but it will make Meade try to justify himself Anyhow, it is water under the bridge now

When the client zooms out, assuming he is familiar with the environment, then he can locate himself The coach's first duty here is to help the client "zoom out" and discover where he is

If he is not familiar, then he needs to keep zooming out till he sees the planet as a dot He can identify which city he is in

I come down to the office this morning worried, open my mail and here is some little whippersnapper off in New York yapping about what his company wants And then what happens?

If he only realized what sort of impression his letter makes, he would get out of the advertising business and start manufacturing sheep dip Bah!

' "He is speechless then The Whose-Its are made by a fine company and sold by good people

If he says the Whose-It is best and I say sure it is, he has to stop There is no room for an argument

Instead ask questions like: What happened? If the answer is no, you should not scold, threaten, or shame him

If it's still important, do you still want to do it? Is this still important to you?

... Make sure it is stated in the present Start the sentence with the words I am so happy and grateful that I now

If necessary, edit your affirmation to make it meet all of the above guidelines 5

This is a tough question Henry: Ben, please help me!

If only I can tap into his "magic" (Laughter from Henry and his coach Well, I do know that Zig Ziglar is one of the world's best sales trainers

But Father did The hogs didn't care about the ribbons they had won

If our ancestors hadn't had this flaming urge for a feeling of importance, civilization would have been impossible These prizes gave him a feeling of importance

How is this connected with your goals and your future? Step out of that situation and look at the bigger picture

Is this an important issue? 15

A movement for adult education has been sweeping over the nation; and the most spectacular force in that movement was Dale Carnegie, a man who listened to and critiqued more talks by adults than has any other man in captivity And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses

If that grand total doesn't impress you, remember that it meant one talk for almost every day that has passed since Columbus discovered America According to a cartoon by "Believe-It-or- Not" Ripley, he had criticized 150,000 speeches

" Principle 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it When one yells, the other should listen-because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations

If that was the highest rating that one of the most distinguished men of the twentieth century could hope to obtain, what about you and me? ~~~~~~~ 2 - A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To Avoid It When Theodore Roosevelt was in the White House, he confessed that if he could be right 75 percent of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectation

Always keep an updated list of goals and action steps from your client, and ask them to review it and update it with you on a consistent basis Getting regular progress reports from your client keeps them responsible and serious about getting things done

If the answer is yes, congratulate him and celebrate with him When the Client Doesn't Deliver At the beginning of each coaching conversation, ask your client if he has delivered on what he committed to do during the last session

In fact, we should give up the need to be right, because when we give feedback, we could very well be wrong in what we observe and perceive At the same time, we shouldn't feel too attached to it

If the feedback was not helpful or was wrong, or the client took it in an over-sensitive manner, apologize: "I am sorry If this happens, you must take responsibility

Decision Paradigm The Key Question: Which path are you taking? They are finished expressing their emotions and are ready to make some decisions and get into action to achieve their goals (shift to the Decision Paradigm and the Action Paradigm)

If they are ready, then move forward with them Making the best choices among alternatives In this paradigm, you work with your clients so that they can make the best decision for execution

Controlling the Three Things If people don't like their outcomes, they need to change their responses People have control over three main things in their lives—the thoughts they think, the images they visualize, and the actions they take (their behavior) The things that they think, say, and do need to become intentional and aligned with their goals, their vision, and their purpose

If they don't like what they are producing and experiencing, they have to change their response: Change their negative thoughts to positive ones Change what they daydream about Change their habits Change what they read Change their friends Change how they talk So how do we get people to change? How they use these three things determines the outcomes they will experience

If you could wave a "magic wand" and entirely change your feelings toward that situation, what would that look like? 10

If this were a defining moment and you needed to change your feelings toward your problem to succeed, what feelings would you choose to evoke? 11

! What was I trying to get out of him!

If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve !

Because they are always thinking only of what they want Why?

If we did, we would go out and buy it They don't realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything

The affair terminated graciously in my taking his side and his taking my side But instead of breaking lances with him, I admitted that he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong; I admitted it quickly, openly, and with enthusiasm

If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Lord Chesterfield himself could hardly have been more gracious than this mounted policeman, who, only a week previously, had threatened to have the law on me

What a hit it made! When the natal day arrived, there was my letter or telegram

If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered

That little boy didn't need to read a book on how to win friends and influence people The boy came, so did his mother - and the Kaiser married her

If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness He knew how instinctively

What actions will you take to improve your work-life balance? 9

If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don't have to be pushed By when will you take them?

If they persist in asking you, confirm that what you're offering is only a suggestion If your client keeps asking you questions, bounce the questions back to them, and assure them that they are capable of finding their own answers

If you assume the role of consultant or advisor, clients become increasingly dependent on you, and the responsibility for their solutions (and their failures) shifts to you In any case, give suggestions sparingly; otherwise, you can unconsciously change your role to a consultant or advisor; that's not the role of a real coach

I wouldn't take one if you gave it to me They're no good!

If you buy the Whose-It, you'll never make a mistake I'm going to buy the Whose-It truck,' I say, 'The Whose-It is a good truck

Please elaborate on that Is there something else that you wish for?

If you could change your response to produce the outcome that you wanted, what would it be? 18

He was within our easy grasp, and to have closed upon him would, in connection With our other late successes, have ended the war My dear General, I do not believe you appreciate the magnitude of the misfortune involved in Lee's escape

If you could not safely attack Lee last Monday, how can you possibly do so south of the river, when you can take with you very few-no more than two-thirds of the force you then had in hand? As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely

So how does this help your effort to become successful and achieve the life of your dreams? Your creative subconscious doesn't think in words —it thinks in pictures

If you give your mind a $10,000 problem, it will come up with a $10,000 solution When you give your brain specific, colorful, and vividly compelling pictures to manifest, it will seek out and capture all the information necessary to bring that picture into reality for you

S I don't give two whoops in Hades if you are as big as General Motors and General Electric and the General Staff of the U

If you had as much sense as a half-witted hummingbird, you would realize that I am interested in how big I am - not how big you are Army all combined

That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are " You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong

If you know positively that a person is wrong, and you bluntly tell him or her so, what happens? It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong

Ferret out that reason - and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does

If you say to yourself, "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes? Try honestly to put yourself in his place

A Sense of Accomplishment Another reason to celebrate your successes is because you don't feel complete until you've been acknowledged Whatever works for you also applies to other human beings and the people whom you coach, so help your clients plan and take action on different ways to reward themselves when they achieve something worthwhile

If you spend weeks producing a report and your boss doesn't acknowledge it, you feel incomplete Recognition gives you a sense of accomplishment

5 What are your next steps, and by when will you complete them?

If you think it's necessary to state the substeps for any of the main steps, what might those be? So far you have identified the main action steps

From all of the answers generated so far, can you briefly describe how you can best use your talents to serve your community and the world? 20

If you were to put it all together into one sentence, what would the most important part of your life purpose be? 21

If you had the power to change your own destiny, how would you respond? 23

If you were to take full responsibility to create the results you want, what would you do? 24

(To see what this looks like in practice, refer back to the end of Henry's coaching session, detailed in the previous chapter Ask him how he celebrated his achievements, what benefits he obtained from accomplishing them, and how he feels about his success

If your client is behind target on achieving his goals, ask questions to ascertain his current level of commitment to the goal ) This review of achievement will motivate the client to achieve even more in the future by building his self-confidence

Among them are Not being clear and committed to the goals set earlier Lacking good strategies and solutions Encountering roadblocks preventing them from moving forward Dealing with hasty and wrong decisions made earlier There could be many possible reasons for this

If, even after you do your best, your client still cannot come up with action plans and time is running out for the session, allow her to go back and reflect and search for more ideas When this is the case, shift to the other appropriate paradigms depending on the situation and then come back to this paradigm

So the strikers borrowed brooms, shovels, and rubbish carts, and began picking up matches, papers, cigarette stubs, and cigar butts around the factory Black's part did what friendliness always does: it begot friendliness

Imagine strikers tidying up the factory grounds while battling for higher wages and recognition of the union Imagine it!

Considering that you have also made mistakes in the past and knowing that human beings are never perfect, how might you find the strength to let this go? 20

Imagine the strongest feeling of love flooding your heart right now 21

Identify the ways that it is limiting you 2

Imagine the worst-case scenario and feel the extreme pain this will cause you if you continue to believe in it 3

—Albert Einstein All too often we get stuck in an endless loop of reinforcing behavior that keeps us stuck in a constant downward spiral —Jim Rohn OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 14 VISUALIZING AND AFFIRMING DESIRED OUTCOMES The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them

Imagine thinking that you are going to forget your lines when you give a presentation at work Our limiting thoughts create images in our minds, and those govern our behavior, which in turn reinforces those limiting thoughts

People need to come to conclusions on the direction that they want to take for them to reach their goals 4

Important decisions need to be made so that your client can move to identify action steps and a timeline for action 5

When you shift into this paradigm, you focus your conversation on your client's goals: what they want out of a particular coaching conversation and what they want from the coaching relationship as a whole Goals and accomplishments in coaching The Goals Paradigm is crucial in coaching as it ensures motivation, clarity, and focus on goals so as to enable your client to achieve their desired results

In a coaching engagement that involves only one conversation, the client's goal needs to be narrowly focused on what can be realistically achieved within the one conversation You ask questions designed to get the client to clearly articulate their dreams and goals

Suddenly the Union infantry rose from behind the stone wall on Cemetery Ridge where they had been hiding and fired volley after volley into Pickett's onrushing troops All the time, the enemy's cannon was tearing ghastly holes in their ranks, But on they pressed, grim, irresistible

In a few minutes, all of Pickett's brigade commanders except one were down, and four-fifths of his five thousand men had fallen The crest of the hill was a sheet of flame, a slaughterhouse, a blazing volcano

At this time, the client's hour-long story is cut to a single sentence He is now focused on the big picture (in fact, about the biggest picture possible)

In accounting, the bottom line is the final figure Also, since he knows where he is now, he can choose where to go from here

It wasn't long before the idle days of retirement began to bore him, so he started filling in his time trying to play music on his old fiddle George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, was forced to retire from his service station business after thirty years when a new highway was constructed over the site of his station

In his humble and friendly way he became generally interested in learning the background and interests of every musician he met Soon he was traveling the area to listen to music and talk with many of the accomplished fiddlers

In his excellent book Eat That Frog! —Brian Tracy First Things First The goal is to stay on schedule and complete the most important item first

In his unique system, Brian advises goal setters to identify one to five things you must accomplish on any given day 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time, Brian Tracy reveals not just how to conquer procrastination but also how to prioritize and complete all of your action items

It is a mighty fine job Chamberlain, I certainly appreciate all the time and effort you have spent in developing this car

In other words, he took notice of every detail to which he knew I had given considerable thought ' He admired the radiator, the special rear-vision mirror and clock, the special spotlight, the kind of upholstery, the sitting position of the driver's seat, the special suitcases in the trunk with his monogram on each suitcase

Every minister, lecturer and public speaker knows the discouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an audience and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it

In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation What applies to professionals applies doubly to workers in offices, shops and factories and our families and friends

In what way would you want to be held accountable for your decision so as to be sure to achieve your desired results? 31

In practice however we have found that this technique is used most often during the Releasing Paradigm In the context of a coaching conversation, you can employ the Reframing Technique under any of the six paradigms of situational coaching that were explained in the previous chapter

And here it is Since no such book existed, I have tried to write one for use in my own courses

In preparation for this book, I read everything that I could find on the subject- everything from newspaper columns, magazine articles, records of the family courts, the writings of the old philosophers and the new psychologists I hope you like it

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends

In preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions: Could my opponents be right? Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear

SITUATIONAL COACHING 2 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 60 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGMS: DECISION-ACTION Description: One of our coaches had the opportunity to work with Vladimir, engineering director of a nuclear fuel facility Even though it was time to conclude the coaching session, the coach stayed with Lorenzo for another 15 minutes before shifting to the Action Paradigm where they worked out a few key action steps to be accomplished before their next session

In previous sessions they had already identified goals and spent time engaging in the Exploration and Analysis Paradigms In this particular coaching conversation, Vladimir and his coach worked together to make critical decisions and create a strong action plan

For example, a client working with you over nine months with a 90-minute conversation every two weeks might choose to focus on discovering her life purpose, setting goals that are aligned with that, and then working to realize some of them On the other hand, if you are working with a client over a six-month period, the two of you would work on a bigger goal or on several goals

In that case, his goal will be specific and narrowly defined Another client might want to have four conversations with you over the course of two months to help him complete an important project at work

The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely " This sign hangs in the front of the classroom for all to see and to remind me that each student I face is equally important

In that, I learn of him Remember what Emerson said: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way

Roosevelt in the White House when he managed Roosevelt's campaign in 1932 Farley put Franklin D

In the beginning, it was a very simple one During the years that Jim Farley traveled as a salesman for a gypsum concern, and during the years that he held office as town clerk in Stony Point, he built up a system for remembering names

What did you experience during the whole journey from where you want to be to where you are now? 2

What did you learn from this? 3

" These are: Accountability Action Affirmation Acknowledgement Achievement Ensure that accountability is voluntary and strong Now that we've reviewed the 30 principles of effective coaching, we are pleased to share with you our "Five As of Coaching Effectiveness

In the face of inevitable challenges, use affirmation and words of encouragement continuously Support your clients continuously to take massive action on effective plans that they have developed

SITUATIONAL COACHING 1 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 80 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGMS: RELEASING-GOALS-RELEASING-DECISION-RELEASING-ACTION Description: One of our coaches worked with Lorenzo, an entrepreneur who runs a chain of retail lighting outlets Here are some examples of how the different paradigms of situational coaching are applied under different circumstances

In the first conversation, his coach built rapport with him and showed that she really cared by asking questions about how he was doing Before coaching commenced, he stated that he wanted to work with his coach on work-life balance

But don't - unless you are reading merely for entertainment You will probably be tempted then to rush on to the next one

In the long run, this will mean saving time and getting results But if you are reading because you want to increase your skill in human relations, then go back and reread each chapter thoroughly

You championed my cause, encouraged me when I felt down, and you recognized my efforts each step of the way, rejoicing with me in each victory You cared for me and appreciated the good that was in me—even though at times I was stressed, pushy, and rude

In the midst of a cold winter, I am sitting by the warm fireplace, and as I review our moments of truth, it brings me great joy and happiness Because of you, my life is more beautiful and meaningful

You can also identify barriers that could prevent your clients from achieving their goals so that you can include strategy and plans to overcome them Also ask your clients about sacrifices: What do they need to forgo in order to implement the action plans to achieve their goals?

In the process of coming up with strategies and action plans and putting them into action, new ideas will continue to emerge Don't be overly concerned about finding the "perfect" solution

" He was a "my way or the highway" person " "I don't give a hoot what you think

In the process, he alienated his wife, his two daughters, his clients, and all of his employees He wasn't interested in anyone else's opinion or feedback

In fact, several customers have thanked me for having such an understanding attitude ' "This approach becomes quite disarming, and by the time the customer releases his feelings, he is usually much more reasonable when it comes to settling the matter

In this highly competitive market, we need more of this type of customer, and I believe that showing respect for all customers' opinions and treating them diplomatically and courteously will help beat the competition And two of them have even brought in friends to buy new cars

Remember: Coaching is not about fixing people Imagine the plethora of real challenges that the people you coach face

In this paradigm, you focus on being present, listening, caring, and understanding It's about helping them help themselves

) You might notice that in all the conversations with Henry, the coach seldom gives suggestions (Henry and his coach continue laughing

In this particular part of the conversation, Henry felt that he really needed advice from his coach, and yet she was still able to resist the temptation of giving advice Rather she'd prefer to draw out the answers from him

" Joey was the engineer (Captain Casey Jones) on his tricycle , of Birmingham, Alabama, was having difficulty getting his fiveyear- old boy and three-year-old daughter to pick up their toys, so he invented a "train

In this way the room was cleaned up - without lectures, arguments or threats Janet's wagon was attached, and in the evening she loaded all the "coal" on the caboose (her wagon) and then jumped in while her brother drove her around the room

It is important to stay open to different ideas, ways of thinking and looking at things Generating more ideas and possibilities, and seeing wider perspectives This is also a crucial paradigm as people do need help from their coaches to engage in creative and "big picture" thinking so as to capture a wider range of good and innovative ideas that can enable them to achieve better results in a shorter time

In this way they won't miss any useful ideas for consideration before they have to narrow down their options and arrive at a decision Allow the people you coach to explore different perspectives and viewpoints and work out the implications of their goals and actions

You can do this by helping him prepare to obtain accountability partners, resources, and support structures that will maximize his chances of succeeding with his action plans When action plans have been worked out, you can still take your client further by helping him establish accountability and commitment

In this way you hold your clients accountable to taking the necessary steps to creating their desired futures Always ask for a progress report to be submitted by the next coaching session

If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even further pains " During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person's features, expression and general appearance

In this way, he gained an eye impression of the name as well as an ear impression As soon as His Royal Highness was alone, he wrote the name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper

"Reason was wasted and so were facts Parsons said as he told the story to the class

So I decided to avoid argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation The longer we argued, the more stubborn he became

He was soon made president of his association, and in that capacity, he was obliged to address meetings all over the United States As a result of learning to think on his feet, two astonishing things happened

In two years, after learning to speak more effectively, he received more free publicity for his company and its products than he had been able to get previously with a quarter of a million dollars spent in direct advertising Excerpts from his talks were put on the Associated Press wires and printed in newspapers and trade magazines throughout the country

Which ones among them would you consider to be your greatest gifts? 2

In what way can you engage more in using these gifts? 3

7 In what way have others noticed and recognized your accomplishments?

In what way can you reward yourself? You completed this goal

How can you look at this issue in a different way that gives you a positively energizing feeling? 19

In what way can you think, imagine, or act differently to get the happy outcome that you want? 20

How are we doing so far? Shall we revisit our overall goals for our entire coaching assignment?

In what way does the completion of your goals so far contribute to your overall objective of our coaching assignment? 16

These techniques are an extension of the Goals Paradigm and will take it to a more advanced level Achievers Coaching Techniques (ACT) related to life purpose, vision, setting effective goals, visualization, and affirmation will be dealt with in Chapters 12 through 14

In what ways can you best use your strengths and talents to serve your organization and the world? Exemplary Coaching Questions for Goals Goals to be pursued in coaching 1

M He was shocked to receive a registered letter from her advising him of her resignation

Inasmuch as she was a friend as well as an employee, I probably had taken her too much for granted and maybe was even more demanding of her than of other employees Marais reported: "I was very surprised and, even more, disappointed, because I was under the impression that I had been fair to her and receptive to her needs

7 Right: I am confidently expressing myself openly and honestly

Include the emotional state you would be feeling if you had already achieved the goal Include at least one dynamic emotion or feeling word

The rules we have set down here are not mere theories or guesswork After fifteen years of experiment and research came this book

Incredible as it sounds, I have seen the application of these principles literally revolutionize the lives of many people They work like magic

Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around They have become so offensive that nobody cares for them

Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work You know so much that no man can tell you anything

Dastan began to enjoy a more balanced life, and his relationship with his wife improved tremendously Different Outcome: His wife and kids felt more secure and appreciated him more

Initially with the help of a coach, most clients are able to be reactive in changing their response only when faced with an undesired outcome, obtained as a result of undesired responses to an undesired event As you have just seen from the cases of Oliver and Dastan, this Reframing Technique is very useful in enabling people to take responsibility for changing their thoughts, imagery, and behavior to produce the outcome that they really want

" New York Times bestselling author of Blink, Malcom Gladwell, introduces the concept of the "thin slice"—intuitive abilities that refer to the way that our unconscious minds can make what are in many cases highly accurate assessments in a very short amount of time, often in a matter of seconds According to author and poet Robert Graves, "Intuition is the supralogic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer

Instead of making statements and passing judgments to confirm that your intuition is accurate, keep that in suspense and notice that it makes you feel really curious There are times during the coaching conversation when after listening deeply and observing, your intution is activated

During our several decades of coaching experience, we have encountered a countless number of coaching situations As you can see, each of the above conversations has a unique character

Instead of trying to control and predetermine the configuration of each coaching conversation, just allow yourself to sense when it is the best time to shift in and out of a particular paradigm and let the coaching conversation flow smoothly until completion, so as to produce the best possible outcome for your client We prefer to see each coaching conversation and relationship as being unique and special, just as each person is unique and different

As a result, there are moments when our intuition is ignited with a sudden revelation and a heightened sense of curiosity Our mind receives various inputs

Intuition is what happens when the accumulated mass of information, knowledge, and experience that we have aquired over the course of our life, comes together in one single spur of thought that relates directly to the stimulus of the moment We want to find out if our intuition is pointing us in the right direction

No, he said: "This is what I get for defending myself When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for killing people"?

Is that an unusual attitude among criminals? " The point of the story is this: "Two Gun" Crowley didn't blame himself for anything

During the interview, he remarked: "I should be mighty proud to be associated with an organization with a record like yours Before he called, he spent hours in Wall Street finding out everything possible about the person who had founded the business

Is that true? I understand you started twenty-eight years ago with nothing but desk room and one stenographer

Is there anything that might prevent you from completing them? 12

Is there anything you can do to overcome these barriers? 13

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give Some years ago, a department store in New York City, in recognition of the pressures its sales clerks were under during the Christmas rush, presented the readers of its advertisements with the following homely philosophy: The Value Of A Smile At Christmas It costs nothing, but creates much

It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever, None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits

It never does Unfortunately, most of us leave the biggest and ugliest frog for last, hoping it will go away or somehow become easier

It creates momentum and builds your confidence, both of which will move you nearer and faster to your goal However, when you accomplish your toughest task early in the day, it sets the tone for the rest of your day

We held him accountable to solicit feedback from those working under and around him A factory manager we once coached wanted to know how he was doing as a leader

It enabled him to become a much better leader The feedback was valuable in helping him to focus on his strengths and to overcome his weaknesses

We have an adult ego, a parentlike ego, and a childlike ego that act much the same way adults, parents and children do in real life Your Ego States Inside all of us are three distinct and totally separate ego states that work in concert to make up our unique personality

It gathers data and makes logical decisions devoid of emotion Your adult ego state is the rational part of yourself

We are gods in the chrysalis Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high

It goes like this: "A man without a smiling face must not open a shop The ancient Chinese were a wise lot - wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats

That survey cost $25,000 and took two years Schools conducted a survey to determine what adults want to study

It had been chosen as a typical American town The last part of the survey was made in Meriden, Connecticut

We are reprinting it here with the author's permission, as condensed in the Reader's Digest: "Father Forgets" is one of those little pieces which-dashed of in a moment of sincere feeling - strikes an echoing chord in so many readers as to become a perenial reprint favorite ' " It originally appeared as an editorial in the People's Home Journnl

It has been reprinted almost as extensively in many foreign languages Since its first appearance, "Father Forgets" has been reproduced, writes the author, W, Livingston Larned, "in hundreds of magazines and house organs, and in newspapers the country over

It is obviously not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship

It has the same force whether it is "my" dinner, "my" dog, and "my" house, or "my" father, "my" country, and "my" God The little word "my" is the most important one in human affairs, and properly to reckon with it is the beginning of wisdom

Nothing else matters tonight, son This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours I have come to your bed-side in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself

It is as old as history It is not new

After the feedback is given, allow the client to address it Feedback, followed by a question, helps the client find his own solution or answer

It is more empowering to guide the client to find their own solutions rather that giving a lot of suggestions If it is really necessary to give suggestions, get consent first but minimize its use

For example, when you are displeased, it is much easier to criticize and condemn than it is to try to understand the other person's viewpoint I know because I wrote the book, and yet frequently I found it difficult to apply everything I advocated

It is more natural to talk about what vou want than to talk about what the other person wants It is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise

Leave it to the client to consider what he would like to do about it Instead of giving advice, which might make people feel they were obligated to follow it because you are their coach, or might result in you being unduly attached to that advice, instead, after getting consent, offer suggestions

It keeps you from giving unsolicited advice and reminds you as a coach to keep suggestion- giving to the minimum and let people come up with their own more empowering and motivating solutions The act of getting consent shows respect and a belief in the capability of the people you coach

It merely made Taft strive to justify himself and to reiterate with tears in his eyes: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have The point I am trying to make is that all of Theodore Roosevelt's criticism didn't persuade Taft that he was wrong

It kept the newspapers ringing with indignation in the early 1920s " Or, take the Teapot Dome oil scandal

Many people use language that reflects things that they don't want; over time it becomes a habit, and their thought processes follow suit As a coach you need to be constantly aware that language is the vehicle of thought

Later, people wonder why their actions seem to also take the same undesired direction What people think about constantly ultimately translates to their emotions

A big part of creating more success in your life is rewarding yourself when you succeed At some point, it needs to know it will get to read a novel, go to the movies, play with a friend, listen to music, go dancing, let loose, eat out, get a new "toy," or take a vacation

It knows it can trust you to eventually deliver on your promises In reality, rewarding yourself for your successes keeps your inner child happy and compliant the next time it must behave

Coach: Please tell me more It never seems to end

It makes me feel like a fool and gets me really frustrated Henry: What good can I be as a manager when every time I correct people, they just keep making more mistakes

Be careful Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive

It may be you at your worst, not your best Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction

I lost years of my life in scrapping and arguing "As I look back now I wonder how I was ever able to sell anything

It pays I keep my mouth shut now

It calmed the tempestuous waves of hate that threatened to engulf Rockefeller It produced astonishing results

It presented facts in such a friendly manner that the strikers went back to work without saying another word about the increase in wages for which they had fought so violently It won him a host of admirers

Your subconscious mind then tries to resolve that conflict by turning your current reality into the new, more exciting vision " How Visualization Works to Enhance Performance When you visualize your goals as already complete each and every day, for at least 30 days in a row without fail, it creates a conflict in your subconscious mind between what you are visualizing and what you are currently experiencing as your reality

It programs your brain's RAS to start letting into your awareness anything that will help you achieve your goals This structural conflict, when intensified over time through constant visualization, actually causes three things to happen: 1

But as a result of the prestige he had acquired by his talks, these same people telephoned him and invited him to lunch and apologized to him for encroaching on his time This speaker admitted that he had formerly hesitated to telephone some of the more important business executives in Manhattan and invite them to lunch with him

It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction

On the other hand, if you are feeling bored, anxious, stressed out, angry, ungrateful, or resentful, you are sending out negative energy If you are feeling excited, enthusiastic, passionate, happy, joyful, appreciative, or abundant, then you are sending out positive energy

It responds to whatever energy you are creating, and gives you more of the same The universe through the Law of Attraction will respond to both these vibrations

If the person you coach is familiar with and believes in the value of mind mapping, encourage him to draw a mind map of his key goal What is more, they are very easy to review; you can often refresh information in your mind just by glancing at them

It serves as an effective memory aid and unleashes creative thinking while also using drawings, pictures and colors It will show, on one landscape sheet of paper, the big picture plus all the essential steps he needs to take to achieve his target

A valuable technique for creating an action plan for the goals is the mind-mapping process Breaking Down Your Goals Using the Mind- Mapping Technique No matter what kind of goals an individual has, the strategies to achieve them are important

It starts with a central theme, then branches out to encompass ideas, notes, images, tasks—even hyperlinks and attachments Mind mapping helps people visualize their plans

Since he had very long arms, he chose cavalry broadswords and took lessons in sword fighting from a West Point graduate; and, on the appointed day, he and Shields met on a sandbar in the Mississippi River, prepared to fight to the death; but, at the last minute, their seconds interrupted and stopped the duel He was given the choice of weapons

It taught him an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people That was the most lurid personal incident in Lincoln's life

His devoted troops cheered him that tragic July afternoon as he rode off jauntily toward the Union lines, his cap set at a rakish angle over his right ear He wore his hair so long that his auburn locks almost touched his shoulders; and, like Napoleon in his Italian campaigns, he wrote ardent love-letters almost daily while on the battlefield

It was a gallant sight They cheered and they followed him, man touching man, rank pressing rank, with banners flying and bayonets gleaming in the sun

Whidden of Warwick, Rhode Island, who is a territory salesman for the Shell Oil Company Another example in which everybody gains through this principle of arousing an eager want comes from Michael E

It was run by an older man who could not be motivated to clean up his station Mike wanted to become the Number One salesperson in his district, but one service station was holding him back

" Here is the rest of the story in Mr I'm anxious to win this debate, and I'll deeply appreciate whatever help you can give me

It was with that understanding that he consented to see me Knaphle's own words: I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time

This, in itself, can constitute an action plan She can consult others, draft the action steps, and send them to you for review before your next session

It will only be a matter of time before this challenge will turn into opportunities for breakthroughs There will be another time when you and your client can make further progress, so keep the attention on that

I was in Paris recently with Edith and we had one of the most wonderful celebrations of our life The New Year celebrations have come and gone but one thing remains: the memory of my transformational journey with you by my side

Later, we stopped to marvel at the Arc de Triomphe, which recognizes heroes who fought for the country We entered the majestic Notre Dame Cathedral, and as we knelt down to pray, I felt very thankful for how my life has changed

A good way to deliver added advantage to your client is to help her get the best from her accountability partners The Importance of Accountability Partners Accountability is especially helpful in changing habits and accelerating the completion of goals

It's a good idea for accountability partners to be someone already in the client's work or personal life since they are already in constant contact with each other and the partner (or partners) are closest to where the client's behaviors occur In this way she can take advantage of being held accountable by others rather than relying only on themselves and you

This becomes your biggest and ugliest frog Then pick the one you absolutely must do first

It's a great strategy He then suggests you accomplish that task first—in essence, eat that frog first—and, by so doing, make the rest of your day much, much easier

If you don't hold high standards, your client could lose respect for both the coaching process and you as a coach If high expectations in your coaching relationship begin to erode, coaching starts to lose effectiveness

It's about holding people accountable for their own decisions This is not the same as forcing people or telling them what to do; it's about helping them to get what they really want

All of these dramatize for the viewer the advantages offered by whatever is being sold - and they do get people to buy them Happy faces will show contentment with a variety of products

It's easy You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any other aspect of your life

When this happens, you and the client can revise the strategies and actions steps to ensure that they are aligned with the overall goal Goals may be revised to reflect something that your client is more committed to pursuing

It's good practice for you to work from your client's list of goals and action plans instead of maintaining the list yourself In fact, it's useful for you and your client to constantly review and update plans as needed

Coach: Is this something that you want to do? Henry: In the past two weeks, I was overloaded with things to do and did not get in touch with Ziglar's company for the certification program

It's very important to me Henry: Yes, of course

Jack's nationally syndicated newspaper column is read in 150 papers worldwide, and the Chicken Soup for the Soul radio shows are syndicated throughout North America Jack is also the former CEO of Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises, a billion dollar empire that encompasses licensing, merchandising and publishing activities around the globe

Jack's background includes a BA from Harvard University and he also holds a master's degree in Psychological Education from the University of Massachusetts and a Honorary Doctorate from the University of Santa Monica, Parker College of Chiropractic and St Jack is also a syndicated columnist through King Features Syndicate and is a popular news subject featured not only in major trade publications, but in most major metro newspapers across America and in hundreds more around the globe

Donald J Denis Waitley, Dr

John Maxwell, Dr Ford, Hale Dwoskin, Jack Canfield, Jay Conrad Levinson, Jim Rohn, Dr

Don't be surprised if some clients cry in front of you Practice using the exemplary coaching questions of the Releasing Paradigm to help people let go of the negative thoughts and feelings that are blocking their progress

Just make sure you have tissues ready It is usually a good thing, a cathartic release of emotion, and they will be much better afterward

When would you like to start? Is this something you would like to commit to doing?

Keeping Score of Progress 1 For how long will you keep up your focus on these five things?

" The importance of remembering and using names is not just the prerogative of kings and corporate executives All this takes time, but "Good manners," said Emerson, "are made up of petty sacrifices

Ken Nottingham, an employee of General Motors in Indiana, usually had lunch at the company cafeteria It works for all of us

We know that, and we want to improve them They are not perfect

Knowing how occupied you are, I shall be glad to send my car for you at any hour you specify So we should be deeply obligated to you if you could find time to look them over and give us your ideas about how they can be made more serviceable to your profession

Analysis Paradigm Key Questions: Where are you now? You and your client discover that they are still unclear about their goals and are not yet in a position to generate good enough ideas to achieve the goal (shift to the Goals Paradigm and then back to the Exploration Paradigm)

Knowing the reality of where you currently stand and finding out the best options for goal attainment The Exploration Paradigm is usually followed by the Analysis Paradigm What is the best way of getting there?

Thank you very much Henry: I feel clear about what my goal is and how I am going to achieve it, and I believe that I have been able to come up with a very good plan with your help

Knowing where you really want to go, how you are going to get there and taking action to get there is the essence of the psychology of achievement Coach: You are most welcome

" This same psychology was used by an X-ray manufacturer to sell his equipment to one of the largest hospitals in Brooklyn This hospital was building an addition and preparing to equip it with the finest Xray department in America We all concurred

L----, who was in charge of the X-ray department, was overwhelmed with sales representatives, each caroling the praises of his own company's equipment Dr

The universe acts like a mirror, reflecting the energy that you are projecting Your energy field changes constantly, based on your thoughts and feelings

Language and Thought When Mother Teresa was asked if she would go to an antiwar rally, she replied, "No, but when you have a rally for peace, I will gladly attend The stronger and more intense your thoughts and emotions are, the greater the magnetic pull becomes

Goals that are specific and measurable would make me more clearly accountable Henry: Sure

Last year we only did 20 million Better performance from my sales team would be to meet the target of at least 30 million in sales for this year

" Then Eastman showed him about the room, commenting on the proportions, the coloring, the hand carving and other effects he had helped to plan and execute It was selected for me by a friend who specializes in fine woods

Mr While drifting about the room, admiring the wood-work, they paused before a window, and George Eastman, in his modest, soft-spoken way, pointed out some of the institutions through which he was trying to help humanity: the University of Rochester, the General Hospital, the Homeopathic Hospital, the Friendly Home, the Children's Hospital

On Monday morning she requested an appointment with him but was told he was very busy and she should arrange with his secretary for an appointment later in the week Mary Catherine Wolf of Mishawaka, Indiana, was having some problems at work and decided that she had to discuss them with the boss

Ms The secretary indicated that his schedule was very tight, but she would try to fit her in

Three hundred and fourteen enemies have been turned into 314 friends His organization is now inspired with a new loyalty, a new enthusiasm, a new spirit of team-work

My employees actually looked the other way when they saw me approaching As he proudly said in a speech before the class: "When I used to walk through my establishment, no one greeted me

Is there anyone you know who has this similar pattern? That's an insightful observation

My mom had this behavior Henry: Wow, I just remembered now

"I found that by getting him to say 'yes, yes' from the outset, he forgot the issue at stake and was happy to do all the things I suggested Before leaving the bank, this young man not only gave me complete information about himself but he opened, at my suggestion, a trust account, naming his mother as the beneficiary for his account, and he had gladly answered all the questions concerning his mother also

My predecessor had called on him for ten years without selling anything When I took over the territory, I called steadily for three years without getting an order " Joseph Allison, a sales representative for Westinghouse Electric Company, had this story to tell: "There was a man in my territory that our company was most eager to sell to

I pointed out that the best is eventually the cheapest, that one can't expect to get quality and artistic taste at bargainbasement prices, and so on and on So, being human, I tried to defend myself

My reaction was totally different The next day another friend dropped in, admired the draperies, bubbled over with enthusiasm, and expressed a wish that she could afford such exquisite creations for her home

Give it to them, and they will love you " Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy

Naturally, I knew she had lived and written her immortal books in Concord, Massachusetts I once gave a broadcast about the author of Little Women, Louisa May Alcott

Then, along with Lincoln and Roosevelt, you will have grasped the only solid foundation for interpersonal relationships; namely, that success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons' viewpoint Realize then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the same way!

Naturally, she was distressed by his remarks, and each time he made such remarks the balance of the evening was ruined " Sam Douglas of Hempstead, New York, used to tell his wife that she spent too much time working on their lawn, pulling weeds, fertilizing, cutting the grass twice a week when the lawn didn't look any better than it had when they moved into their home four years earlier

Why? However, we regret to say that it isn't possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10

Naturally, that causes congestion Because many other customers make late afternoon deliveries also

11201 Dear Mr Y

Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient service you deserve Vermylen: Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years

If you can't be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong? If you can be sure of being right only 55 percent of the time, you can go down to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day

Never! You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words - and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you?

In other words, they can blame the economy, the weather, the lack of money, their lack of education, racism, gender bias, the government, their wife or husband, their boss's attitude, the lack of support, the political climate, the system or lack of systems, and so on They can blame the event (E) for their lack of results (O)

No doubt all these factors do exist, but if they were the deciding factor, nobody would ever succeed If they're a golfer, they've probably even blamed their clubs ... and the course they played on

" Did the boy pay any attention to these pleas? " "Father wants you to grow up to be a big man

No one with a trace of horse sense would expect a child three years old to react to the viewpoint of a father thirty years old Just about as much as you pay to one fleck of sand on a sandy beach

His schooling certainly had nothing to do with it, for he ran away from home as a small boy, became a hobo, rode in boxcars, slept in haystacks, begged his food from door to door, and learned to read by looking out of boxcars at signs along the railway Thurston to tell me the secret of his success

No, he told me hundreds of books had been written about legerdemain and scores of people knew as much about it as he did Did he have a superior knowledge of magic?

So here is a handclasp over the miles, and I am, Yours sincerely, What could you say to a man who treated you like that? The next time you are in the neighborhood you must visit us and we'll get this subject threshed out for all time

Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm

"From that time on I let her do all the talking she wanted I never heard her

She is again a cooperative person She tells me what is on her mind, and our relationship has improved immeasurably

When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves " If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch on and we should all be experts in human relations

Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth, One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation, Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse

But, I'd like to see you make it work with the tough babies I have to collect bills from! Right here the skeptic may say: "Oh, that stuff is all right for Northcliffe and Rockefeller or a sentimental novelist

Nothing will work in all cases - and nothing will work with all people " You may be right

This, in turn, allows them to consciously improve their thoughts and behaviors so as to produce better outcomes Coaching helps to facilitate this awareness, by giving people the space in which to stop and reflect on what's going on around them

Now I know myself better, and I know how I can do better A client we once coached said, "Because I have been heard, I can now hear myself

What did you do? What happened?

Now take another step back closer to the present 2

How do you feel now that you have achieved your goal? 4

Now that you have experienced what it's like to achieve your goal, can you travel back one step in time, just one month before you achieved your goal? Step 2 1

Neither Dale Carnegie nor the publishers, Simon and Schuster, anticipated more than this modest sale -------------- Preface to Revised Edition How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1937 in an edition of only five thousand copies

Now to Win Friends and InfEuence People took its place in publishing history as one of the all-time international best-sellers To their amazement, the book became an overnight sensation, and edition after edition rolled off the presses to keep up with the increasing public demand

The law doesn't give a tinker's damn about what you think You didn't think!

Now, I'm going to let you off this time; but if I catch this dog out here again without a muzzle and a leash, you'll have to tell it to the judge That dog might kill a squirrel or bite a child

O'Haire The first speaker bore the Gaelic name Patrick J

Now, however, he was forty, he had a growing family and needed more money, so he tried selling trucks Born in Ireland, he attended school for only four years, drifted to America, worked as a mechanic, then as a chauffeur

When he returned, he exploded Then Theodore Roosevelt went off to Africa to shoot lions

O He denounced Taft for his conservatism, tried to secure the nomination for a third term himself, formed the Bull Moose party, and all but demolished the G

I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job -weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts - the same monotonous grind year after year ~~~~~~~ 6 - How To Make People Like You Instantly I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirtythird Street and Eighth Avenue in New York

Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him So I said to myself: "I am going to try to make that clerk like me

—Zig Ziglar *If you continue to have negative critical internal self-talk in response to your affirmations, you can use the Little Voice Tapping Technique outlined in Tapping into Ultimate Success: How to Overcome Any Obstacle and Skyrocket Your Results by Jack Canfield and Pamela Bruner If you don't see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner

OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 12 CLARIFYING YOUR LIFE PURPOSE AND VISION Living your life to the fullest becomes possible when you know your life purpose Tapping is a new breakthrough technology that we recommend all coaches eventually learn and master

Eventually, your intuition will develop and you will instinctively know what to do under every different situation to help people get the best results from coaching The best way to learn how to use the paradigms of situational coaching is by engaging in regular practice and taking the time to reflect after each conversation on how you can keep improving

OceanofPDF.com T PART III ACHIEVERS COACHING TECHNIQUES (ACT) The Energy of a Coach HE ACHIEVERS COACHING TECHNIQUES (ACT) is symbolized by the energy of a coach, which resonates within eight key themes If you are willing to continually practice, trust your intuition, and pay attention to what happens, you will eventually master the fine art of coaching

Ask questions that go deeper into the various areas that are important to your client so that they derive maximum mileage from being an effective analyst The objective of the Analysis Paradigm is to put your clients in a better position to make good decisions for taking action

Of all the options that you have identified so far, which are the ones that you would consider to be really important? Exemplary Coaching Questions for Analysis 1

This had weakened her business tremendously She had great difficulty sustaining any collaborative efforts and had resorted to rejecting any further collaboration with external parties

On deeper analysis, though, it was found that this was not the case—in fact, those people who had terminated their relationships with Francoise had very successful collaborations with many other people The coach felt intuitively that Françoise showed poor judgment in selecting whom to collaborate with

One of the best boosters of self-esteem is getting things done well Research has shown over and over again that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you become in taking on and successfully accomplishing new challenges

On the other hand, how about when you managed to accomplish a lot and did it well—what did that do for your self-worth and self-esteem? Have you ever felt terrible about yourself because of all the things that you had not done or the long list of things that you did not do well?

A slave to no hard-and-fast rules, he developed a course that is as real as the measles and twice as much fun Consequently, he developed a system of training that is unique - a striking combination of public speaking, salesmanship, human relations and applied psychology

One group of nineteen in Philadelphia met twice a month during the winter season for seventeen years When the classes terminated, the graduates formed clubs of their own and continued to meet fortnightly for years afterward

For example, I once organized a public-speaking course in Paris and sent form letters to all the American residents in the city But forget it or misspell it - and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage

One man, the manager of a large American bank in Paris, wrote me a scathing rebuke because his name had been misspelled French typists with apparently little knowledge of English filled in the names and naturally they made blunders

He got this feeling of importance at first by kicking and complaining But in reality, what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance

One morning years ago, an angry customer stormed into the office of Julian F But as soon as he got his feeling of importance from a representative of the company, his imagined grievances vanished into thin air

Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important - yet how many of us do it? " Franklin D

One of the first lessons a politician learns is this: "To recall a voter's name is statesmanship Half the time we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes and can't even remember his or her name by the time we say goodbye

To repeat Professor Overstreet's wise advice: First, arouse in the other person an eager want He who can do this has the whole world with him Basketball

One of the students in the author's training course was worried about his little boy He who cannot walks a lonely way

" Karen Kirsech of Rancho Palos Verdes, California, a flight attendant for TWA, made it a practice to learn the names of as many passengers in her cabin as possible and use the name when serving them The executive who tells me he can't remember names is at the same time telling me he can't remember a significant part of his business and is operating on quicksand

One passenger wrote: "I haven't flown TWA for some time, but I'm going to start flying nothing but TWA from now on This resulted in many compliments on her service expressed both to her directly and to the airline

It was The advertisement in the New York Sun promised that the meeting would be highly entertaining

Only seventy-five seconds of talk, then "bang" went the gavel, and the chairman shouted, "Time! Eighteen people who had taken the course were marshaled in front of the loudspeaker - and fifteen of them were given precisely seventy-five seconds each to tell his or her story

Any fool can do that Don't condemn them

Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that Try to understand them

* Bits and Pieces, published by The Economics Press, Fairfield, N Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?

Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after he was married nearly fifty years, once said: "My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we've kept it no matter how angry we've grown with each other J

Give a score based on a 1 to 5 scale (1 strongly disagree, 5 strongly agree) For each of the items listed above, please rate the accuracy of the following 10 statements

Other people often tell me that I am gifted, based on how I do this activity 1

You cannot improve your life, your relationships, your game, or your performance without feedback Once you know the truth, you can do something about it; you cannot fix what you don't know is broken

Other people who are affected by your problem have usually already told their spouses, their friends, their parents, their business associates, and other potential customers what they are dissatisfied with The worst part of this avoidance approach to life is that you are the only one who is not in on the secret

He became so discouraged, so depressed, that he even thought of suicide He was eighteen at the time - sensitive and proud

Other students pleaded with him to train them; and they won also And then suddenly he began to win, not one contest, but every speaking contest in college

I wanted to stay if I could get my rent reduced The truth was, I didn't want to move

Other tenants had tried - and failed But the situation seemed hopeless

Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it

Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot

She introduced Rose and Jane as my helpers and then ran off As I stood there pondering what to do, me of the members of the sponsoring committee appeared and handed me a cash box and thanked me for taking over the project

Realizing that the cash box was a symbol of authority (of sorts), I gave the box to Rose and explained that I might not be able to keep the money straight and that if she took care of it I would feel better "A great silence ensued

Outcome: Dastan and his wife got into a heated argument and shouted at each other He got angry and shouted at his wife and blamed his boss for his difficult schedule

Reframe: Same Event: Dastan's wife was not happy that he had not been spending time with his family, and his attention had always seemed to be elsewhere Their relationship suffered, and their kids were also negatively impacted

That's bad, but it can be avoided That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed

Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture

Releasing Paradigm Key Questions: How do you feel? Negative emotions and problems block their ability to analyze effectively (shift to the Releasing Paradigm and then shift back to the Analysis Paradigm)

Releasing and letting go of negative emotions that are blocking you, and evoking positive feelings The Releasing Paradigm makes possible one of the great benefits of coaching How can you feel better?

These letters began "Dear Bill" or "Dear Jane," and they were always signed "Jim The final list contained thousands and thousands of names; yet each person on that list was paid the subtle flattery of getting a personal letter from James Farley

Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment " Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together

E + R = O Reframing Technique CASE 1 Event: Oliver and his colleague worked very hard to get promotions Here are two scenarios that demonstrate what happens when people reframe and change to a different response to create a different outcome that they want with the help of a coach

Response: Oliver felt unfairly treated and jealous of his colleague After 12 months, his colleague got promoted but Oliver did not get a promotion

This increases our receptiveness to available resources, the generation of creative solutions, and drives us to act in order to resolve the structural tension that has been created It creates a "structural tension" in our brain as a result of the apparent gap between where we are and where we want to be

Reviewing and visualizing past accomplishments as victories gives a boost to a client's self-esteem and motivation Without a scorecard, people often forget what they've achieved in the past

But did all this bitterness make Lincoln agree with Greeley? In fact, he wrote a brutal, bitter, sarcastic and personal attack on President Lincoln the night Booth shot him

Ridicule and abuse never do Not at all

Vague affirmations produce vague results Make it specific

Right: I am driving my new red Porsche 911 Carrera Wrong: I am driving my new red car

The writer Mary Roberts Rinehart once told me of a bright, vigorous young woman who became an invalid in order to get a feeling of importance She fed her gnawing desire for attention by insisting that he remain with her while she was having her teeth fixed, and once created a stormy scene when he had to leave her alone with the dentist while he kept an appointment with John Hay, his secretary of state

Rinehart, "this woman had been obliged to face something, her age perhaps "One day," said Mrs

Carnegie wanted to praise his assistants even on his tombstone Carnegie praised his associates publicly as well as pr-vately

Rockefeller's success in handling men He wrote an epitaph for himself which read: "Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself:" Sincere appreciation was one of the secrets of the first John D

Shaw, secretary of the treasury in Theodore Roosevelt's cabinet; George W By using the same method, I persuaded Leslie M

Roosevelt and many other prominent men to come to talk to the students of my courses in public speaking Wickersham, attorney general in Taft's cabinet; William Jennings Bryan; Franklin D

By the time the session concluded, Vladimir and the coach had spent almost 30 minutes coming up with a detailed action plan with clear priorities and timelines for the execution of each strategy and task before their next coaching session, scheduled for three weeks later Vladimir even had to make a quick call to his CEO and chairman to get their support on the decisions before moving forward to the final part of the coaching conversation

SITUATIONAL COACHING 3 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 45 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGMS: ACTION-RELEASE-ACTION Description: The third coaching session with Muzaffar, a research and development manager of a power company in the Middle East, focused initially on the Action Paradigm There was neither time nor need to engage in any other situational coaching paradigm on this occasion

As a result, Orlando subsequently pursued his dream and apart from continuing to produce movies, became well known in the fashion industry We then used the Action Paradigm to move him into an action plan through which he could realize his dream

SITUATIONAL COACHING 6 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 90 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGMS: GOALS-EXPLORE-ANALYSIS-RELEASING-DECISION-ACTION Description: Allan was working as a leader of the Scouting movement when he asked his coach to work with him to help him discover and focus on his life purpose The movie stars in his shows were also known to be among the most fashionably dressed people in the film industry in Europe

Keep using your intuitive abilities as you apply the "Crucial Conversational Process" and you will find that it does at times benefit your client greatly Getting too much information, removing a problem from its normal context, or asking people to decide something that is outside of their range of knowledge can cause inaccurate judgments

Scenario 1 Françoise was expressing her great disappointment in the many business and strategic partners with whom she had collaborated over the years The following coaching scenarios show how intuition can add value to the people you coach

, xiii, 3, 29, 39, 80-81, 134, 135 Meandering questions, 75 Measurable goals, 226-227 Melillo, Julie, 88 Meta Model (30-6-8), xiv, xvi, 197 Microsoft, 200 Mind of a coach, xiv, xvii, 157 Mind-mapping, 242-243 Mismatched questions, 76 Misplaced questions, 72 Model See also Fulfillment Likeability, 42-43 Limiting beliefs, 215-218 Lincoln, Abraham, 225 Listening, xvi, 1, 79-98, 197 deep listening, 93-98 Listening skills, 81-82 Little Voice Tapping Technique, 217 M Maltz, Maxwell, 85 Mandela, Nelson, 13, 28, 201 Manhattan, Noble, 89 Mantra Technique, 255-256 Massive action, 195, 241-246 Maxwell, John C

See also Judgmental questions O Observation skills, xvi, 93-98 Obstacles, 137-142 Open-ended questions, 68 Optimism, 253-260 See Situational Coaching Model (SCM) Mother Theresa, 13, 155, 254 Motivation, 118, 134 N Negative emotions, releasing, 176-178 Negativity, 210-212, 231 Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), 41 Nicklaus, Jack, 235 Nonjudgmental attitude, xvi, 89-93

See Action plans; Goals and goal setting Sidey, Hugh, 42 Silence following questions, 69-70 Simplicity in questioning, 68-69 Simplification, xvi, 113-122 Sincerity, xvi, 44-46 Situational Coaching Model (SCM), xiv, xvii, 157, 197 flow of paradigms in, 187-193 using, examples of, 186-193 Six Paradigms of Situational Coaching, 159-193 Six Ws and one H question formula, 64-68 SMARTEST Goals Technique, 197, 226-229 Socratic method, 80 Solomon, King of Israel, 71 Solutions, released through questions, 64-69 Specific goals, 226 Speed of Trust, The (Covey), 49 Starr, Julie, 70 Stehling, Wendy, 249-250 Step-by-step action plans, 16, 127-131 Sticky Note Technique in, 243-244 Stone, W See The Coaching Principles (TCP) Prioritization, 241 Procrastination, 241 Progress, xvi, 150-155, 210 celebrating success and, xvii, 195, 253-260 rewarding, 258-259 roadblocks to, xvii, 15, 195, 209-218 scorecard for, xvi, 132-135, 246 Psycho-Cybernetics (Maltz), 85 Purpose, 219-224, 225-226 R Radiant thinking, 55 Rapport, xvi, 39-43 Recognition, 150-155 Reflection following questions, 69-70 Reframing techniques, 202-207 Relational influence, increasing, 20-21 Relationship and trust, xvi, 39-51 Releasing Paradigm, xvii, 157, 166, 169, 173-178, 181, 185 Achievers Coaching Technique (ACT) and, 174 key questions for, 173-178 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 178 Relevant goals, 227 Repetitive questions, 74 Resistance to change, 14 Resnick, Robert, 200 Response, in Event, Response, Outcome equation, 200-207 Responsibility, xvii, 195, 199-207 Reticular activating system (RAS), 234, 235-236 Rewarding success and progress, 258-259 Roadblocks, xvii, 195, 209-218 removing, 15 Robbins, Anthony, 10, 56, 64 Rohn, Jim, 207, 230 Roosevelt, Eleanor, 107 Rothwell, William, xiii Rule of 5, 244 S Sacrifices, toward goals, 128 Satisfying goals, 228 Schweitzer, Albert, 13 Scolastico, Ron, 244 Scorecard for goals/progress, xvi, 132-135, 246 Secondary greatness, 12-13 Self-esteem, xvii, 134, 138, 195, 209-218 Self-leadership, 13-15 Senge, Peter, 93 Sense of accomplishment, 259 Setting goals

See also Progress Success Principles, The (Canfield/Switzer), 198 Suggestions and simplification, xvi, 113-122 Sun Tzu, 5 Support structures, 138-142 Supporting goals, 137-142 Switzer, Janet, 198 Sympathy, 90 T Talent assessment and confirmation, 220-221 Tapping into Ultimate Success (Canfield/Bruner), 217 Teachable moments, 102 Team-based goals, 228 Telling vs Clement, xii Strategies, for goals, xvi, 127-131 Strengths, identifying, 111-112 Success, xvii, 195, 253-260

Seltz reported to me that the increase of sales was phenomenal " The replies came quick and fast: loyalty, honesty, initiative, optimism, teamwork, eight hours a day of enthusiastic work, The meeting ended with a new courage, a new inspiration - one salesperson volunteered to work fourteen hours a day - and Mr

Seltz, "and as long as I lived up to my part in it, they were determined to live up to theirs "The people had made a sort of moral bargain with me, " said Mr

Through the years, Angelina has garnered numerous international industry awards and accolades including the Birmingham American Awards and the ADDY, a prestigious American Advertising award Today, she also sits on the advisory board of Kolej Damansara Utama, lectures at the Universiti Sains Malaysia and gives talks and workshops to students

Serely Alcaraz is the Country Head, Senior Mentor, Executive Coach and Master Trainer of ITD World Manila, Philippines In 2007, she won the JCI (Junior Chamber International) Creative Young Entrepreneur Award and represented the country in the international leg of the competition, subsequently ranking among the Top 3 winners worldwide

They spent a good 30 minutes exploring all the possible innovative ways of creating a world-class leadership program for Ming Wei's client Since she was certain that she wanted to focus on this very specific goal first, her coach shifted straight into the Exploration Paradigm

She agreed and proceeded to draw the map The coach asked if Ming Wei wanted to draw a one-page mind map to show how all her ideas were connected

She knew she would need about $100,000, so she began asking, "What's the quickest way to raise $100,000? She wanted to start her own agency but didn't have the money to do so

She decided if she wrote a book that could sell 100,000 copies in 90 days— and she made $1 per book—she would raise the $100,000 she needed " Sell a book, said the feedback

She shared about the perceived lack of support she felt from management and the perceived lack of cooperation she experienced from the other line managers She joined the organization six months ago, but there is still so much information she has to learn and many options she has to consider

She didn't know what to do or where to start One of her team members was going on maternity leave, and another had just submitted his resignation letter

But she hadn't done anything whatever about her face She had squandered a modest fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls

She didn't realize what everyone knows: namely, that the expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back It radiated sourness and selfishness

" That kept her talking for forty-five minutes Do tell me about Africa

She didn't want to hear me talk about my travels She never again asked me where I had been or what I had seen

For example, take Mrs People sometimes became invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance

She got a feeling of importance by forcing her husband, the President of the United States, to neglect important affairs of state while he reclined on the bed beside her for hours at a time, his arm about her, soothing her to sleep McKinley

The Releasing Paradigm had succeeded in creating the needed awareness that led Muzaffar to commit to an action plan, one that he felt much more confident about completing and to which he was willing to hold himself accountable In order to consider this, they shifted back to the Action Paradigm, removing 20 items from the plan and adding three new ones

She had a very clear objective: work with her coach to develop a cutting-edge leadership development program for her client SITUATIONAL COACHING 4 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 40 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGMS: EXPLORE-ACTION Description: Ming Wei was a learning and development director of a multinational learning corporation in Sydney, Australia

Harriman wrote: "I interviewed a number of people and found that his major interest was anchored in his drive for power and money Mr

She had been Mr Since he protected himself from people like me by use of a dedicated and stern secretary, I studied her interests and goals and only then I paid an unannounced visit at her office

Her husband didn't love her She wanted love, sexual gratification, children and social prestige, but life blasted all her hopes

She had no children, no social standing He refused even to eat with her and forced her to serve his meals in his room upstairs

Ms She was the president of the Philippine Society for Training and Development (PSTD) and Director of People Management Association of the Philippines (PMAP)

She is a certified master trainer of programs from Thomas Crane and Jack Canfield, and a certified facilitator for John Maxwell, Dr Alcaraz is a vice president of ARTDO International and has been in the human resource and organization development profession for more than twenty years

Let's take two examples " How do Ben Franklin's methods work in business?

She told one of our classes how she handled a sensitive problem before and after taking our training: "Part of my responsibility," she reported, "deals with setting up and maintaining incentive systems and standards for our operators so they can make more money by producing more yarn Katherine A, Allred of Kings Mountain, North Carolina, is an industrial engineering supervisor for a yarn-processing plant

"The tears welled up in my eyes, and I stuck my head under the pillow and pulled the covers over it, I cried silently, but oh so bitterly, so much that my body racked with pain I knew my mother was home alone worrying about me, not having anyone to be with, not having anyone to eat with and not even having enough money to afford a Thanksgiving Day dinner

She took the covers off my face and started wiping my tears "A young student nurse heard my sobbing and came over to me

' "When I arrived at home that evening, who do you think greeted me at the door: That's right I love you the way you are

She was almost in tears My wife!

Well, you underestimated her reaction "You warned me that she might be surprised

She was shocked She was bewildered

"She had been making sandwiches for about two hours and I was just another sandwich to her He noticed that the woman who worked behind the counter always had a scowl on her face

She weighed out the ham on a little scale, then she gave me one leaf of lettuce, a few potato chips and handed them to me I told her what I wanted

5 Your clients need to consider different viewpoints and perspectives to help them make better analyses and decisions

Shift out of the Exploration Paradigm When 1 People need to see the big picture to appreciate how things come together and how they connect to each other

Both of these will ultimately result in things not getting accomplished If they are not ready, don't push them into making a decision as this could result in making hasty and wrong decisions or deciding on things that they are not fully committed to

Shift to another paradigm as necessary and come back to this paradigm when appropriate If your clients are not ready to decide, you need to ask more questions to find out why

The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want But these crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions

Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great What do you want?

—Bill Gates Founder of Microsoft OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 5 FEEDBACK AND AWARENESS PRINCIPLE 21 Embrace Feedback to Triumph Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions Often you have to rely on your intuition

Since inputs into the mics were called "feeds," if there were "feeds" that came back through the system (usually when the mics too close to speakers or the volume of the mic was set incorrectly), you'd get an unpleasant, high-pitched sound —Ken Blanchard Feedback and Its Importance The word "feedback" started in the early twentieth century and grew out of the broadcasting industry with the advent of microphones

I had asked him to send only one boy to Europe, but he sent five boys and myself, gave me a letter of credit for a thousand dollars and told us to stay in Europe for seven weeks Chalif continues, "he not only granted immediately what I asked for, but much more

Since then, he has given jobs to some of the boys whose parents were in want, and he is still active in our group He also gave me letters of introduction to his branch presidents, putting them at our service, and he himself met us in Paris and showed us the town

Angelina holds a double degree in Business Administration (Marketing) and Fine Arts (Advertising) and is currently pursuing her doctorate in Advertising and Marketing (specializing in Branding) As an accomplished entrepreneur who single-handedly grew four flourishing companies and pioneered a first-of-its-kind global creative hub, Angelina Cheong is a staunch believer of lifelong learning in nurturing innovation

Since then, she has gone on to teach at several other international and local colleges and universities Spurred by a love for academics, Angelina took on the role of Instructor at the top-ranking Stamford University in the United States for several years

As a very able and resourceful person, how would you solve this issue? 25

Since you can be in full control of your responses, what choices could you make? 26

Look directly at the person, listen intently, and ask questions if you are not sure or not clear about what he or she is saying Remember to receive feedback as a gift and as an opportunity to learn, achieve more, and be better than you are

Sincerely thank the person for the feedback and offer her appreciation for caring enough and having the courage to share her thoughts with you Instead of defending, rationalizing, or making excuses, take time to reflect and understand

" The next time she walked to the water cooler, she put on her brightest smile and said, "Hi, how are you today" to each of the people she met You have to go out and meet them

Smiles and hellos were returned, the hallway seemed brighter, the job friendlier The effect was immediate

J For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the Pennsylvania Railroad

So Andrew Carnegie built a huge steel mill in Pittsburgh and called it the "Edgar Thomson Steel Works Edgar Thomson was the president of the Pennsylvania Railroad then

I never criticize any-one "There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors

So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault I believe in giving a person incentive to work

It has been 'on the air' on countless occasions and programs I have given personal permission to thousands who wished to read it from school, church, and lecture platforms

Sometimes a little piece seems mysteriously to 'click Oddly enough, college periodicals have used it, and high-school magazines

) When to Give Feedback When a client asks for feedback and needs it, you can share your honest reaction with them (More details on giving suggestions will be provided in Coaching Principle 23

Sometimes clients need to get feedback from others, and the coach needs to encourage them to ask for feedback from the appropriate people and support them to get it done It is essential for you to practice honest, direct, and respectful communication in giving feedback

Have you ever been in a doctor's waiting room and looked around at all the glum faces waiting impatiently to be seen? A baby's smile has the same effect

Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown, Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his waiting room was full of clients waiting to have their pets inoculated Dr, Stephen K

She Asked Her Way to Success in Three Short Months One of the best selling weight-loss books ever published was Thin Thighs in 30 Days by Wendy Stehling You'll be surprised at how much feedback and information is available to you if you'll just ask

Stehling worked in an advertising agency but hated her job What's so interesting about it, though, is that it was developed solely using feedback

Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for indulging in a violent controversy with an associate Buddha said: "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love," and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint

Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control "No man who is resolved to make the most of himself," said Lincoln, "can spare time for personal contention

His home, Greeba Castle, on the Isle of Man, became a Mecca for tourists from the far corners of the world, and he left a multimillion dollar estate Profiting by their advice and inspired by their encouragement, he launched upon a career that emblazoned his name across the sky

Such is the power, the stupendous power, of sincere, heartfelt appreciation Yet - who knows - he might have died poor and unknown had he not written an essay expressing his admiration for a famous man

No wonder some people fear being simple and do not see simplicity as a positive Nor is it the same as "simple-minded," which to some people means ignorant, gullible, naïve, or even foolish

Such people often miss seeing the simple solution staring them in the face They would rather create complexity in their lives and focus on the details of the problem instead of the main thing

In this letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern, " And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper

Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license " A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island

Ike Hoover, who had been head usher at the White House for forty years, said with tears in his eyes: 'It is the only happy day we had in nearly two years, and not one of us would exchange it for a hundred-dollar bill "He addressed each person just as he had addressed them in the past

Sykes, Jr ' " The same concern for the seemingly unimportant people helped sales representative Edward M

" People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost You make me feel that your airline has become a very personalized airline and that is important to me

T Even blustering, hard-boiled old P

But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was extraordinary, You've no idea what it meant to be listened to like that His gestures were few

Talk incessantly about yourself " If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long

Upon returning to the airport, he asked to see the mechanic who had serviced his airplane Just as he suspected, the World War II propeller plane he had been flying had been fueled with jet fuel rather than gasoline

Tears streamed down his face as Hoover approached The young man was sick with the agony of his mistake

" The employment manager of a large New York department store told me she would rather hire a sales clerk who hadn't finished grade school, if he or she has a pleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy with a somber face That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment

Telephone companies throughout the United States have a program called "phone power" which is offered to employees who use the telephone for selling their services or products The effect of a smile is powerful - even when it is unseen

You have to use showmanship The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic

Television does it The movies do it

I would say something like this: 'Our dealership has made so many mistakes that I am frequently ashamed He told his class: "Recognizing that this was getting me nowhere fast, I tried a new tack

Tell me about it We may have erred in your case

You continuously supported me, and in 90 days I was able to successfully replace my undesired pattern by developing new habits that brought love and joy to me, my team and my family You enabled me to be fully accountable to achieve the results that I wanted, and you helped me put in place scorecards and support structures that ensured my success

Thanks for always doing what you said you would do, and for maintaining rapport and humor even when I felt bad and did not know what to do I am now able to nurture and add value to others rather than push them down

Would you like that? Coach: And, what do you think if in addition to our 90-minute conversations every two weeks, I call you, for a 15-minute chat at the end of each week, just to see if I can support you in any way?

Thanks for going out of your way to continuously support me Henry: I would be very grateful if you would do that

"I can call fifty thousand people by their first names You are wrong, " he said

That ability helped Mr " Make no mistake about it

" Years ago, a poor Dutch immigrant boy washed the windows of a bakery shop after school to help support his family "Later, when his wife presented him with a baby boy, he gave his son the middle name of Detmer, and he remained a friend and customer of the house until his death twenty-two years afterwards

That boy, Edward Bok, never got more than six years of schooling in his life; yet eventually he made himself one of the most successful magazine editors in the history of American journalism His people were so poor that in addition he used to go out in the street with a basket every day and collect stray bits of coal that had fallen in the gutter where the coal wagons had delivered fuel

The disagreeable prospect of serving time seems remote so long as he can gloat over his likeness sharing space with pictures of sports figures, movie and TV stars and politicians Mulrooney, onetime police commissioner of New York, is filled with ego, and his first request after arrest is for those lurid newspapers that make him out a hero

That determines your character If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are

They can instead simply change their responses (R) to the events (E)— the way things are—until they get the outcomes (O) they want 2

That is all people really have any control over People can change their thinking, change their communication, change the pictures they hold in their head (their images of themselves and the world)—and they can change their behavior (the things they do)

Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good

That is simple The difference between appreciation and flattery?

Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said: "Wouldn't you like to have that? I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream

That is what Lloyd George, Great Britain's Prime Minister during World War I, did " Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

This makes them suitable only for beginners who are first learning about coaching Other existing coaching models tend to prescribe a simplistic step-by-step process of how to structure a coaching conversation

That is why experienced coaches tend not to use such basic models These models tend to make a coaching conversation rigid, boring, and mechanistic, and they usually do not work effectively in practice

That is good advertising for you, isn't it? These lectures attract crowds of educated and cultured people to your hotel

That is worth a lot to a hotel, isn't it? In fact, if you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers, you couldn't bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures

I am not going to wet this bed " Oh, no, no!

That was his bed " The boy kept his promise, for his pride was involved

Rossetti was delighted He even wrote a lecture chanting the praises of Rossetti's artistic achievement-and sent a copy to Rossetti himself

That was the turning point in Hall Caine's life; for, in his new position, he met the literary artists of the day "Any young man who has such an exalted opinion of my ability," Rossetti probably said to himself, "must be brilliant," So Rossetti invited this blacksmith's son to come to London and act as his secretary

As I read the letter, I said to myself, "Thank God, I am not married to that woman She couldn't have been much more bitter if I had accused Miss Alcott of being a cannibal from New Guinea

That was to be just my opening sentence " I felt like writing and telling her that although I had made a mistake in geography, she had made a far greater mistake in common courtesy

" Time was running out for the first coaching session, and the coach felt the need to shift to the Action Paradigm They then shifted to the Decision Paradigm where Lorenzo made certain concrete decisions and a commitment to take back control of his life and not let his work become the "boss of his life

That was when Lorenzo burst into tears However, before they could get there, Lorenzo had to release even more of his pent-up tension regarding his wife and the serious problems they were facing together

You are attempting to form new habits And so on, So, as you read this book, remember that you are not merely trying to acquire information

That will require time and persistence and daily application Ah yes, you are attempting a new way of life

What connection do you see between your stress level, the performance of your team, and being a more effective leader? Coach: Yes, we can certainly do that

That would enable me to be a more effective leader Henry: If I can better manage my stress level, I can focus on finding more ways to help my team deliver better results

The scorecard allowed Henry, his coach, and his staff to know how they were progressing at any point with their breakthrough goal as well as individual goals that were clearly aligned with each other ) In the case of Henry, the use of scorecards proved very beneficial to him and his team

That's the value of keeping score of our goals and action steps The scorecards made a big difference that helped Henry and his team to stay accountable and to take action to continuously be on top of their game for producing even greater achievements

How about drawing a map of this? When you take a step back and look at the big picture, what are all the elements that you can see?

What connection can you see between all the different elements? 18

When this happens, a bad habit can become even worse Self-Esteem Takes a Hit When people do not achieve the changes they want, their self-esteem is affected because of their failed effort

That's when excuses usually crop up: "I can't spend more time with my kids when my work keeps expanding People try to change and take action, but when life's challenges knock them down, they may lack the energy and determination to get back up to continue the effort

You can tell people what to do, but real motivation comes only from within them If you understand that this isn't the case, it will revolutionize the way you work with your clients

That's why the coaching approach to listening and asking questions and believing in people is ultimately more empowering and effective in fostering change than the advice-giving approach If you believe the critical factor in taking action is motivation, you'll ask questions and encourage people to come up with their own solutions because you know that buy-in and motivation are the highest for plans that people develop and choose on their own

But they made the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled For example: one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into the barn

The Irish housemaid saw their predicament But the calf was doing just what they were doing; he was thinking only of what he wanted; so he stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture

In the midst of all this forest fire of fury, one little boy wrote the Kaiser a simple, sincere letter glowing with kindliness and admiration The hatred against him was so intense that millions of people would have loved to tear him limb from limb or burn him at the stake

The Kaiser was deeply touched by his letter and invited the little boy to come to see him This little boy said that no matter what the others thought, he would always love Wilhelm as his Emperor

He's personally taught millions of individuals his unique and modernized formulas for success and has packaged them in his latest book The Success Principles™: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be Jack is a Harvard graduate with a master's degree in psychological education and one of the earliest champions of peak-performance, developing the specific methodology and results-oriented activities to help people take on greater challenges and produce breakthrough results

The Success Principles—and the entire empire of "Principles" books, products, coaching programs and branded retail merchandise—is Mr This new self-improvement standard contains 64 powerful principles of success utilized by top achievers from all walks of life and all areas of commerce

Coach: Can we talk a little more about your accountability partners? CASE STUDY: HENRY, PART VIII To demonstrate the importance of accountability let's go back to our friend Henry and his coach

The assistant manager will follow up to ensure that I implement all the steps for the "nurturing pattern" and my secretary will remind me to call my wife when I am depressed so as to replace the sadistic pattern with the love pattern Henry: Yes, that will be my assistant manager and my secretary

The way to develop self-confidence, he said, is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you He claimed that almost any person can speak acceptably in public if he or she has self-confidence and an idea that is boiling and stewing within

The audience is sympathetic So he forced each class member to talk at every session of the course

Dale Carnegie used to say that it was easier to make a million dollars than to put a phrase into the English language It touched a nerve and filled a human need that was more than a faddish phenomenon of post- Depression days, as evidenced by its continued and uninterrupted sales into the eighties, almost half a century later

The book itself was translated into almost every known written language How to Win Friends and Influence People became such a phrase, quoted, paraphrased, parodied, used in innumerable contexts from political cartoon to novels

There must have been a dozen other guests, but I violated all the canons of courtesy, ignored everyone else, and talked for hours to the botanist As I said, we were at a dinner party

The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering compliments Midnight came, I said good night to everyone and departed

This industrial leader doesn't put much faith in the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires, "I have known people," he said, "who succeeded because they had a rip-roaring good time conducting their business " The chairman of the board of directors of one of the largest rubber companies 'in the United States told me that, according to his observations, people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it

The business had grown dull, They lost all joy in it, and they failed Later, I saw those people change as the fun became work

Say "Hello" in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology

The caller feels the company is concerned about them Many companies train their telephone operatars to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm

In a coaching conversation, feedback on whether the client is "on course" or "off course" based on his objectives is extremely valuable Feedback, on the other hand, is generally positive in that it can improve someone's performance

The coach can act as a "mirror" for the client, showing them where they are, how they are doing, and what they can do better People sometimes cannot see themselves, or when they are too deep in a problem or overly engrossed, stressed, or anxious, they cannot see the solutions, resources, and opportunities right in front of them

The mind of a coach (SCM) builds on the heart of a coach (TCP); together they make coaching even more powerful Great coaches know how to seamlessly combine different situational coaching paradigms while adhering to TCP

The coaching questions are meant to provide you with a base of good questions to ask The following section provides you with a clear explanation of each of the six crucial paradigms of situational coaching as well as some exemplary coaching questions and guidelines about when to shift in and out of a particular paradigm

Bruce Harvey of Albuquerque, New Mexico, had incorrectly authorized payment of full wages to an employee on sick leave It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error

The employee pleaded that as that would cause him a serious financial problem, could the money be repaid over a period of time? When he discovered his error, he brought it to the attention of the employee and explained that to correct the mistake he would have to reduce his next paycheck by the entire amount of the overpayment

] Very truly yours, John Doe Manager Radio Department P But you are vague about how it will be to my advantage

The enclosed reprint from the Blankville Journal will be of interest to you, and you may want to broadcast it over your station S

His wife told me stories of how Jesse robbed trains and held up banks and then gave money to the neighboring farmers to pay off their mortgages ~~~~~~~ 10 - An Appeal That Everybody Likes I was reared on the edge of the Jesse James country out in Missouri, and I visited the James farm at Kearney, Missouri, where the son of Jesse James was then living

The fact is that all people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation Jesse James probably regarded himself as an idealist at heart, just as Dutch Schultz, "Two Gun" Crowley, Al Capone and many other organized crime "godfathers" did generations later

God knows you need it His despairing wife insisted that he go, saying, "It may do you some good, Pat

The first few times he tried to speak in front of the others, he was dizzy with fear " He went down to the place where the meeting was to be held and stood on the sidewalk for five minutes before he could generate enough self-confidence to enter the room

I had to write another letter, this one to the husband, to say that I hoped the diagnosis would prove to be inaccurate, that I sympathized with him in the sorrow he must have in the serious illness of his wife, but that it was impossible to withdraw the name sent in Would I not restore her to health by withdrawing the first name and replacing it by her son's?

The first two people to greet Mrs The man whom I appointed was confirmed, and within two days after I received that letter, we gave a musicale at the White House

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs

The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy What has habit been doing to me?

" We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else Well, she forgot the scale, piled on the ham, gave me three leaves of lettuce and heaped on the potato chips until they fell off the plate

The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others

To say the least, I failed miserably! I told them in detail how they were wrong and showed where they were being unfair and how I had all the answers they needed

The issue was dead I had become so busy defending my position on the new system that I had left them no opening to graciously admit their problems on the old one

Zerega's Sons, Inc Vermylen, sales manager for A

The letter begins by describing the Terminal's difficulties, in which we are not interested, generally speaking , sent it to me with the following comment: This letter had the reverse effect from that which was intended

I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth

The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character

This manager would not listen to any of Mike's pleas to upgrade the station It was in such poor shape that sales were declining significantly

The manager was so impressed by the facilities at the new station that when Mike visited him the next time, his station was cleaned up and had recorded a sales increase After many exhortations and heart-to-heart talks - all of which had no impact - Mike decided to invite the manager to visit the newest Shell station in his territory

I've been telling her for years there's a lot of waste motion in companies like yours She may even decide her investment was unwise

The newspapers might like these pictures, too This proves it

It grew and developed out of that laboratory, out of the experiences of thousands of adults It grew as a child grows

The next season we printed a larger card, then a leaflet, then a series of booklets, each one expanding in size and scope Years ago, we started with a set of rules printed on a card no larger than a postcard

Wave after wave of laughter swept over the audience This night, in the Hotel Pennsylvania, Patrick O'Haire stood in front of twenty-five hundred people and told a gay, rollicking story of his achievements

The next speaker, Godfrey Meyer, was a gray-headed banker, the father of eleven children Few professional speakers could have equaled his performance

He told one of our classes: "There were six or seven clients waiting when a young woman came in with a nine-month-old baby and a kitten No one was talking to anyone else, and all were probably thinking of a dozen other things they would rather be doing than "wasting time" sitting in that office

The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at him with that great big smile that is so characteristic of babies As luck would have it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was more than a little distraught about the long wait for service

Leave it to people to choose what works best for them As a coach, you might offer some ideas, but only if it's really necessary and after getting their consent

The ongoing coaching session is itself a crucial form of continuous support There are many different forms of support that clients can utilize

I found to my surprise that I knew one of the men on his list He sent me the names and telephone numbers of several New York people who had stayed at his camp and he invited me to telephone them and discover for myself what he had to offer

The others had been trying to sell me on their service, but one let me sell myself I telephoned him, found out what his experience had been, and then wired the camp the date of my arrival

Two evenings previously, they had seen this full-page announcement in the New York Sun staring them in the face: Learn to Speak Effectively Prepare for Leadership Old stuff? These people had been lured there by a newspaper ad

The people who responded were of the upper economic strata - executives, employers and professionals Yes, but believe it or not, in the most sophisticated town on earth, during a depression with 20 percent of the population on relief, twenty-five hundred people had left their homes and hustled to the hotel in response to that ad

"A lady in Washington," wrote Taft, "whose husband had some political influence, came and labored with me for six weeks or more to appoint her son to a position In his book Ethics in Service, Taft gives rather an amusing illustration of how he softened the ire of a disappointed and ambitious mother

The place was one requiring technical qualification, and following the recommendation of the head of the Bureau, I appointed somebody else She secured the aid of Senators and Congressmen in formidable number and came with them to see that they spoke with emphasis

Coaches help people find their own creative ways of how they want to be reminded and supported to ensure that they use their mantra continuously until new habits are established They can also create a mantra from their favorite song, recited during certain times of the day or recorded on their mobile phone so it plays continuously when their phone rings

The positive results that we see from helping people change their thought patterns and focus on what they want continue to amaze us We are pleased to share with you some of the mantras that have been used effectively by the people that we had the opportunity of coaching

When the bill arrived, I was dismayed ---- I once employed an interior decorator to make some draperies for my home

The price was mentioned, and she exclaimed with a note of triumph: "What? A few days later, a friend dropped in and looked at the draperies

Because experience had taught her that that was the only way she could keep their provisions clearly in mind Why?

The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing I once spent almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to remember what I had written in my own book

Talk to the people you coach about this and encourage them to keep a victory log to enhance their capacity to perform even better This will help you become a better coach

The remaining part of this chapter will focus on providing you with questioning techniques and processes that you can use to help yourself and the people you coach to overcome the negative issues they may be facing Dealing with Roadblocks and Negative Issues Aside from building healthy self-esteem for yourself and the people whom you coach, another crucial area of concern is helping people overcome the roadblocks and negative issues that prevent them from achieving the results that they want

" Jay Mangum represented an elevator-escalator main-tenance company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, which had the maintenance contract for the escalators in one of Tulsa's leading hotels Taft and me were this husband and wife, though the wife had so recently been in articulo mortis

The repair that had to be made would take at least eight hours, and his company did not always have a specially qualified mechanic available at the convenience of the hotel The hotel manager did not want to shut down the escalator for more than two hours at a time because he did not want to inconvenience the hotel's guests

You are eternally interested in it Of course, you are interested in what you want

The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want But no one else is

" Eddie had become interested in bow hunting and had spent considerable money in purchasing equipment and supplies from a local bow store ' " Eddie Snow, who sponsors our courses in Oakland, California, tells how he became a good customer of a shop because the proprietor got him to say "yes, yes

The sales clerk told him they didn't rent bows, so Eddie phoned another bow store When his brother was visiting him he wanted to rent a bow for him from this store

Which of the three related areas would you like to start working on first? Coach: Sounds good

The sales volume of my team has been on a decline, and we have been way below our target for three straight quarters Henry: I guess the biggest immediate payoff is to get better results from my team

Once the list of all the tasks is completed, ask the client to set a deadline to achieve her goal and commit to a goal achievement schedule 3

The sticky notes are then arranged in sequential order Use a different colored ink to mark the time it will take to complete each task on the small sticky notes

He was the son of a blacksmith Millions of people read his novels, countless millions

The story goes like this: Hall Caine loved sonnets and ballads; so he devoured all of Dante Gabriel Rossetti's poetry He never had more than eight years' schooling in his life; yet when he died he was the richest literary man of his time

—Warren Buffett OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 7 GOALS AND ACTION PLANS PRINCIPLE 25 Establish Goal Ownership and Commitment Living your best life begins with knowing what you really want out of life The business schools reward difficult complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective

The stronger the level of ownership and commitment toward the goals, the better the results will be —Jack Canfield and Angelina Cheong Coaching is a goal driven process, and the main purpose is to enable your clients to achieve better results in their work and lives

Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man " So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him

The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat

You have been given clues to your purpose throughout your life —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee You are not living to your fullest potential, or contributing to your fullest abilities unless you are living a life of purpose

The things that bring you the greatest joy in life and make you feel really alive provide another clue to your purpose One set of clues is your own completely unique gifts, talents, interests, strengths, and qualities—and you are meant to use them

For instance, two of our team members are gifted when it comes to gathering and analyzing data on target customers Henry: When I asked all of them to list their strengths and how they can contribute more to our team results, we got some very powerful input

The third great thing was that when I used your coaching approach of asking great questions and creating buy-in When they started churning out the top target customer's information last week and our team zoomed in on that, the sales surged 40 percent higher than the previous week

Henry: I would like to have three scorecards: One for the breakthrough goal that all team members can see clearly on our notice board in the office as well as on our intranet Coach: Tell me more about the scorecard

The third one for each team member for them to keep score of their own action items related to our breakthrough goal I will have another scorecard for my own personal action items; I'll keep it on my organizer and carry it with me all the time at work

As a result of his talks, he made eighty times more friends in six weeks than he had been able to previously in twentyfive years Almost overnight, he had become a public figure among the forty thousand people in his community

The third speaker, the head of a large national association of food manufacturers, told how he had been unable to stand up and express his ideas at meetings of a board of directors And his salary as councilman meant that he got a return of 1,000 percent a year on his investment in the Carnegie course

In the autumn of 1842 he ridiculed a vain, pugnacious politician by the name of James Shields But he did this just once too often

The town roared with laughter Lincoln lamned him through an anonymous letter published in Springfield Journal

"Early in the spring," he reported, "before the ground had thawed from the winter freezing, there was an unusually heavy rainstorm and the water, which normally would have run off to nearby ditches and storm drains along the road, took a new course onto a building lot where I had just built a new home Winn of Littleton, New Hampshire, reported how by using a friendly approach, he obtained a very satisfactory settlement on a damage claim

The water forced itself under the concrete basement floor, causing it to explode, and the basement filled with water "Not being able to run off, the water pressure built up around the foundation of the house

" Guidelines for Creating Effective Affirmations To be effective, your affirmations should be constructed using the following eight guidelines: 1 An affirmation is a statement that describes a goal in its completed state: for instance, "I am enjoying watching the sunset from the lanai of my beautiful beachfront condo on the Ka'anapali coast of Maui" or "I am celebrating feeling light and alive at my perfect body weight of 125 pounds

The words I am are the two most powerful words in the language Start with the words I am

Howard Lucas of Birmingham, Alabama, tells how two salespeople from the same company handled the same type of situation, He reported: "Several years ago I was on the management team of a small company J

Their agents were assigned territories, and our company was assigned to two agents, whom I shall refer to as Carl and John Headquartered near us was the district office of a large insurance company

? " "What do you mean

Then Carnegie expressed what he had on his mind - a merger of their two interests " Pullman demanded

What sounds would you be hearing, what smells would you be smelling, what tastes would you be tasting, and—most importantly—what emotions and bodily sensations would you be feeling if you had already achieved your goal? Adding Sounds and Feelings to the Pictures To multiply the effect many times over, add sound, smells, tastes, and feelings to your pictures

Then add in the feelings of pride of ownership, satisfaction at having achieved your goal, and the feeling of the sun on your face as you sit on your deck looking out over the ocean at a beautiful sunset If you were imagining your dream house on the beach, you might add in the sound of the surf lapping at the shore outside your home, the sound of your kids playing on the sand, and the sound of your spouse's voice thanking you for being such a good provider

Let's cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants " If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me?

Then forget flattery Let's try to figure out the other person's good points

He decided to try a different approach As a result he would get sullen acceptance, and often after he left, the workers would remove the hats

Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on the job The next time he found some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly

This doctor, who has received the highest honors and the most coveted awards for his knowledge of this subject, told me frankly that he didn't know why people went insane I put that question to the head physician of one of our most important psychiatric hospitals

Then he told me this story: "I have a patient right now whose marriage proved to be a tragedy Nobody knows for sure But he did say that many people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality

I was bewildered Evidently my name and address were put on a mailing list, for I was immediately overwhelmed with scores of letters and booklets and printed testimonials from camps and guides

Then one camp owner did a clever thing I didn't know which to choose

First I 'see' where I want it to finish, nice and white and sitting high on the bright green grass It's like a color movie

Then there's sort of a fade-out, and the next scene shows me making the kind of swing that will turn the previous images into reality Then the scene quickly changes, and I 'see' the ball going there: its path, trajectory, and shape, even its behavior on landing

Under such circumstances, shift to the action paradigm and identify whatever action steps he needs to take in order to help him make a good decision in a later coaching conversation It could very well turn out that your client does not have enough facts and needs to do further research or consult others before making a decision about his future

Then they can get into action to start producing results around that decision If clients are confronted with too many decisions to make, you can ask questions to help them prioritize and make the more important decisions first

One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his topfloor hideway After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue

Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with teargas

She complained further that she had labored with her state delegation and got all the votes for an administration bill in which I was especially interested and this was the way I had rewarded her I then received a letter from the mother, saying that I was most ungrateful, since I declined to make her a happy woman as I could have done by a turn of my hand

Then you may compose an answer "When you get a letter like that, the first thing you do is to think how you can be severe with a person who has committed an impropriety, or even been a little impertinent

In the election that followed, William Howard Taft and the Republican party carried only two states - Vermont and Utah P

Theodore Roosevelt blamed Taft, but did President Taft blame himself? The most disastrous defeat the party had ever known

It will arouse hard feelings, impair all his further usefulness as a commander, and perhaps force him to resign from the army It will make him condemn me

Theodore Roosevelt said that when he, as President, was confronted with a perplexing problem, he used to lean back and look up at a large painting of Lincoln which hung above his desk in the White House and ask himself, "What would Lincoln do if he were in my shoes? " So, as I have already said, Lincoln put the letter aside, for he had learned by bitter experience that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility

But incredibly powerful Simple, isn't it?

There are a number of variations on the same question that have served us well over the years It's a question that sooner or later every coach should put to every client they work with

In this way they'll gain momentum to reach their dreams sooner Help your clients eat their ugliest frogs first so they will tackle the most important things first and make a quick win

There are two major reasons why this is such a powerful strategy for success: 1 Plan Your Day the Night Before One of the most powerful tools high achievers use for breaking down tasks, gaining control over their life, and increasing their productivity is to plan their next day the night before

We see the signals when we are in a state of anxiety, chaos, or confusion When do we simplify?

There is lack of time, concentration, and focus We experience forgetfulness, overload, or fatigue

When a person says "No" and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters The psychological patterns here are quite clear

There is, usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree, a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular -gathers itself together into a condition of rejection

" Then it began all over again in the late afternoon " and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!

There were holes in your stockings As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles

M True to their nature, the pigs demanded a hot meal at 3 A

There were six hundred students in State Teachers' College, and Dale Carnegie was one of the isolated half-dozen who couldn't afford to board in town So when the alarm went off, Dale Carnegie crawled out of the blankets, took the basket of pigs out to their mother, waited for them to nurse, and then brought them back to the warmth of the kitchen stove

After showing Mr R----- about the house, and he expressed his hearty admiration for the beautiful treasures she had picked up in her travels and cherished over a lifetime - paisley shawls, an old English tea set, Wedgwood china, French beds and chairs, Italian paintings, and silk draperies that had once hung in a French chateau

There, jacked up on blocks, was a Packard car - in mint condition R----- through the house, she took him out to the garage

Here are his words: It is an old and true maxim that "a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall Lincoln said that, in effect, over a hundred years ago

Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason " So with men, if you would win a man to you cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend

They can then continue to creatively respond to any event until they produce the outcome that they are happy with Over time, once they begin to use the habit of Reframing, their lives are so changed that they can proactively and consistently Reframe in order to get the right solutions

These become available when they replace their self-defeating reactions with empowering reactions to achieve their desired state Reframing helps people to change their mindsets and enables them to redirect their energies to focus on the positive things and opportunities

He gave Secretary Fall what he was pleased to call a "loan" of one hundred thousand dollars And what did Doheny do?

These competitors, driven off their ground at the ends of guns and bayonets, rushed into court - and blew the lid off the Teapot Dome scandal Then, in a high-handed manner, Secretary Fall ordered United States Marines into the district to drive off competitors whose adjacent wells were sapping oil out of the Elk Hill reserves

---- I have always enjoyed walking and riding in a park near my home 31

These fires weren't caused by careless smokers Like the Druids of ancient Gaul, I all but worship an oak tree, so I was distressed season after season to see the young trees and shrubs killed off by needless fires

But they were probably no busier than Franklin D They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy

To illustrate: The Chrysler organization built a special car for Mr Roosevelt, and he took time to remember and recall even the names of mechanics with whom he came into contact

One of the largest automobile manufacturers in the United States was negotiating for a year's requirements of upholstery fabrics Here is the story of a sales representative who was forced to try it

These had all been inspected by the executives of the motor company, and notice had been sent to each manufacturer saying that, on a certain day, a representative from each supplier would be given an opportunity to make a final plea for the contract Three important manufacturers had worked up fabrics in sample bodies

When that happens, remember that since you are only giving suggestions, you must allow your client to decide what's best for her or him As a coach, you should be aware that there are times your well-intended suggestions may not turn out to be suitable or helpful to the client

These may not be relevant to the client's situation, and we could very well be wrong When we give suggestions, they are based on our own opinion, knowledge, perception, and experience

Not only did he correspond with these distinguished people, but as soon as he got a vacation, he visited many of them as a welcome guest in their homes Abraham Lincoln, Louisa May Alcott, General Sherman and Jefferson Davis

These men and women fired him with a vision and ambition that shaped his life This experience imbued him with a confidence that was invaluable

So the bottom line has a lot to do with what really matters You can have a spectacular income, but if your costs are not well managed, you'll have nothing to show for all the hard work

These points have to be clear, simple, and powerful In coaching, it's about getting to the core of the issue or the problem, the gist of a discussion that is most important, the critical actions to be taken, and the end result that the client is looking for

And "those people who think only of themselves," Dr People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves

They are not educated," said Dr Nicholas Murray Butler, longtime president of Columbia University, said, "are hopelessly uneducated

People need more time to do further research and get further input from others after the coaching session (shift back to this paradigm during a later session) 5

They are not ready to decide because they need more time to consider and reflect on the decision (shift back to this paradigm during a later session) 6

They are just as human as you and I I have had some interesting correspondence with Lewis Lawes, who was warden of New York's infamous Sing Sing prison for many years, on this subject, and he declared that "few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men

They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger So they rationalize, they explain

SITUATIONAL COACHING 5 (DURATION OF CONVERSATION: 120 MINUTES) THE FLOW OF PARADIGM: GOALS-EXPLORATION-ANALYSIS- GOALS-EXPLORATION-ANALYSIS-DECISION-ACTION Description: Orlando was a movie production director based in Madrid, Spain, when he engaged us to coach him on new business start-ups She planned to bring the results back to the next coaching session for further analysis and decision

They centered mainly on his business goals We started discussing with him his goals in coaching

' "Well, when the new month came around, this gentleman came to see me and paid his rent in person For after all, we are either men or monkeys - and the choice usually lies with ourselves!

They had concluded that the only honorable thing to do was to live up to their lease He and his wife had talked it over, he said - and decided to stay

It made the boys want to cooperate " What a difference that kind of talk made!

They hadn't been forced to obey orders No sullenness, no resentment

But this is what most people do They ignore useful feedback, fail to continuously educate themselves and learn new skills, waste time on the trivial aspects of their lives, engage in idle gossip, eat unhealthy food, fail to exercise, spend more money than they make, fail to invest in their future, fail to tell the truth, don't ask for what they want—and then wonder why their lives aren't working out

They have an excuse for everything They place the blame for everything that isn't the way they want it on outside events and circumstances

The elements of a given mind map are arranged creatively according to the importance of the concepts and are classified into groupings By presenting ideas in a radial, graphic, nonlinear manner, mind maps encourage a creative approach to planning for action

They help us organize and visualize all the information into a big picture, while still capturing the essential details As a coach, using mind maps can help you to quickly identify and understand the structure of the client's goal, and the way pieces of information fit together to form the action plan

Armistead, leading the troops in the final plunge, ran forward, vaulted over the stone wall, and, waving his cap on the top of his sword, shouted: "Give 'em the steel, boys! General Lewis A

They leaped over the wall, bayoneted their enemies, smashed skulls with clubbed muskets, and planted the battleflags of the South on Cemetery Ridge " They did

As well, he used feedback from an online strengths assessment He drew information from his own experience, his defining moments in his life, and other people's consistent comments about his passion and strengths

They needed to explore what he really loved to do and how he could use that to best serve the world The coach asked Allan if they could shift into the Analysis Paradigm to go deeper into his core strengths

I was merely unloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view I would ride up to the boys, warn them that they could be jailed for starting a fire, order with a tone of authority that it be put out; and, if they refused, I would threaten to have them arrested

They obeyed - obeyed sullenly and with resentment The result?

That survey revealed that health is the prime interest of adults and that their second interest is people; how to understand and get along with people; how to make people like you; and how to win others to your way of thinking " And so on

They searched diligently for a practical textbook on the subject and found-not one So the committee conducting this survey resolved to conduct such a course for adults in Meriden

In fact, complaining—or at least discussing the problem—can, in itself, be a constructive action Most people would rather complain than take constructive action to solve their problems

They should be telling you, but they are unwilling to for fear of your reaction The only problem, of course, is that the critics are complaining to the wrong person

But a few years in the rough-and-tumble of business and professional life had brought sharp dissillusionment Back in high school and college, they had pored over books, believing that knowledge alone was the open sesame to financial - and professional rewards

They soon discovered that if one aspired to wear the captain's cap and navigate the ship of business, personality and the ability to talk are more important than a knowledge of Latin verbs or a sheepskin from Harvard They had seen some of the most important business successes won by men who possessed, in addition to their knowledge, the ability to talk well, to win people to their way of thinking, and to "sell" themselves and their ideas

This news reached me after the tickets had been printed and distributed and all announcements had been made At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informed that I should have to pay almost three times as much rent as formerly

They were interested only in what they wanted Naturally, I didn't want to pay the increase, but what was the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted?

Neuroscientists know that when accompanied by intense emotions, an image of a scene can stay locked in the memory forever By far, these emotions are what propel your vision forward

They would visualize how things were accomplished each step of the way until they arrive back to the present Backcasting Technique (Ideal Future Technique) This technique asks your client to visualize their ideal future as if their dream is already realized, and then work backward step by step to where they stand in the present

He filed innumerable complaints with the Public Service Commission, and he started several suits against the telephone company He wrote letters to the newspapers

This "troubleshooter" listened and let the cantankerous customer enjoy himself pouring out his tirade At last, one of the company's most skillful "trouble-shooters" was sent to interview this stormy petrel

Dale Carnegie's own career, filled with sharp contrasts, was a striking example of what a person can accomplish when obsessed with an original idea and afire with enthusiasm Or, to put it in other words, if all the people who had spoken before him had used only three minutes and had appeared before him in succession, it would have taken ten months, listening day and night, to hear them all

This Missouri lad who had once picked strawberries and cut cockleburs for five cents an hour became the highly paid trainer of the executives of large corporations in the art of self-expression Born on a Missouri farm ten miles from a railway, he never saw a streetcar until he was twelve years old; yet by the time he was fortysix, he was familiar with the far-flung corners of the earth, everywhere from Hong Kong to Hammerfest; and, at one time, he approached closer to the North Pole than Admiral Byrd's headquarters at Little America was to the South Pole

When the client is upset, feeling down and highly sensitive, that might not be a good time to offer feedback, as he might not be receptive to it When the client doesn't ask for feedback but he needs it, you should find the best way and time to give it

This approach gets people to realize how they can do better and gets them to feel motivated to improve rather than resulting in lowering their self-esteem Great coaches know when to seize a teachable moment to give feedback in the form of a statement followed by a question

8 Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist

This book has done all these things for more than ten million readers in thirty-six languages Arouse enthusiasm among your associates

What an interesting assignment! I gave the talk and urged the listeners to go out and test it in their business and social contacts, and then come back to class and speak about their experiences and the results they had achieved

This book wasn't written in the usual sense of the word These men and women, hungry for selfimprovement, were fascinated by the idea of working in a new kind of laboratory - the first and only laboratory of human relationships for adults that had ever existed

" One of our class members who used this approach in dealing with customers was Harold Reinke, a Dodge dealer in Billings, Montana Let's examine the facts

This caused flared tempers, loss of business and general unpleasantness He reported that because of the pressures of the automobile business, he was often hard-boiled and callous when dealing with customers' complaints

" Finding the strike pickets idle, he bought them a couple of dozen baseball bats and gloves and invited them to play ball on vacant lots He published an advertisement in the Cleveland papers, complimenting them on "the peaceful way in which they laid down their tools

This friendliness on Mr For those who preferred bowling, he rented a bowling alley

Some of his division commanders had failed him " If Lee had wanted to blame the disastrous failure of Pickett's charge on someone else, he could have found a score of alibis

This had gone wrong and that had gone awry The cavalry hadn't arrived in time to support the infantry attack

When we deliver high-impact programs on the Success Principles around the world, the very first principle we coach people on is "Take 100 percent responsibility for your life and your results No wonder, most people are not high performers

This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings—everything! " If you want to be successful, you have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you experience in your life

And still he wondered why he couldn't sell them Mr, Knaphle made a speech one night before one of my classes, pouring out his hot wrath upon chain stores, branding them as a curse to the nation

To put it briefly, this is what happened I suggested that he try different tactics

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it

This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether you are dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash

When we "criticize," there is implied some type of evaluative judgment, censure, or disapproval of the merits and faults of one's work or actions What is negative is criticism

This is also the reason why we avoid using "constructive criticism;" something that puts you down and judges you cannot raise you up and help you improve People don't feel helped by criticism when it comes across as a personal attack that is destructive rather than constructive

Since you are very experienced in sales and you have powerful presentation skills, would you consider being certified to train for the Ziglar's Sales System and Ziglar's Presentation Skills programs? ) Coach: Well, I know that Ziglar's company has a train the trainer certification program

This is something that would strongly motivate me Henry: That's a brilliant suggestion

The president of an important Wall Street bank once described, in a talk before one of my classes, a highly efficient system he used for self-improvement 8

This is what he does, I'll put it in his own words as accurately as I can remember This man had little formal schooling; yet he had become one of the most important financiers in America, and he confessed that he owed most of his success to the constant application of his homemade system

Look at the letters that come across your desk tomorrow morning, and you will find that most of them violate this important canon of common sense An example?

This letter was sent to the managers of local radio stations throughout the country Take this one, a letter written by the head of the radio department of an advertising agency with offices scattered across the continent

Coaching prioritizes buy-in and motivation over giving people the right solution Your clients will become less empowered and have lesser ownership of their goals and solutions

This may differ from some people's expectation that professionals such as coaches, doctors, lawyers, and consultants are paid to give good advice That is why effective coaches give very little advice and make very few suggestions

State your affirmations in the positive Affirm what you want, not what you don't want

This means that the statement "I am no longer afraid of flying" evokes an image of being afraid of flying, while the phrase "I am enjoying the thrill of flying" evokes an image of enjoyment The subconscious mind does not hear the word no

This is a strong symbolic exercise that stays in a person's memory and will impact her commitment toward realizing her goal Only when she truly is ready to commit does she step across the line

This process also makes it easier to ascertain whether or not tangible progress is being made, and people tend to be much more accountable to achieve their goals Once effective and clear goals are set, the person is in a better position to visualize, create affirmations and develop concrete action plans

Oh my God! As I am talking to you, it just struck me that I have been using this same pattern of behavior when communicating with her

This really breaks my heart ... You know I would rather hurt myself than hurt my darling girl, Erika

To help you to quickly remember the six paradigms so you can use the right one at the right time, we created an acronym called GEARDA which represents the first letter of the first word of the six paradigms—Goals, Exploration, Analysis, Releasing, Decision, and Action They know when to go back and forth between paradigms, when to skip certain models, and how to use the paradigms according to a different sequence depending on the needs of the clients, and according to how the situation unfolds during a session

This should make it easy for you to remember the six crucial paradigms of situational coaching This acronym expresses the main objective of coaching, which is to help people GEAR up for Decision and Action

Here's the story How?

This speech, in its entirety, is a masterpiece After weeks spent in making friends, Rockefeller addressed the representatives of the strikers

One executive reported a large increase in salary because he applied these truths Executives have been given increased authority, increased pay

This training not only saved him from the demotion but brought him a promotion with increased pay Another, an executive in the Philadelphia Gas Works Company, was slated for demotion when he was sixty-five because of his belligerence, because of his inability to lead people skillfully

Never say, "You're wrong Principle 2 - Show respect for the other person's opinions

This unspoiled woodland was called Forest Park - and it was a forest, probably not much different in appearance from what it was when Columbus discovered America " ~~~~~~~ 3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It Within a minute's walk of my house there was a wild stretch of virgin timber, where the blackberry thickets foamed white in the springtime, where the squirrels nested and reared their young, and the horseweeds grew as tall as a horse's head

" As long as you keep complaining about your present circumstances, your mind will focus on it I can't speak in front of groups

To change this cycle, you must focus instead on thinking, talking, and writing about the reality you want to create By continually talking, thinking, and writing about the way things are, you continually reinforce those same neuro-pathways in your brain that got you to where you are today

He did this by asking Mei Ying to zero in and focus on the essential—what was the core of the issue or the problem? The coach needed to "zoom" her out of the story where she was stuck so she could be free from all the confusion and complexity in her story

This was causing the stressful anxiety, undue pressure, and lack of confidence in getting the job done By working with her coach, she realized that she hadn't asked for or received any feedback from her boss, peers, and staff since she joined the organization

No! Harding betrayed by Fall?

This whole house full of gold would not tempt my husband to do wrong My husband never betrayed anyone

" "Yes, and my mother will be more than interested "I see you're interested in our operation

This will be an eye-opener for her She owns stock in your company

The first four As will then empower and motivate people to gain even greater achievements thereby completing the "Five As" of coaching effectiveness When they make progress and complete important tasks, acknowledge them, congratulate them and rejoice with them

This, together with the coach's unwavering belief in him, continuous support, encouragement, and accountability for action and goal attainment, became profound motivational factors for Henry to transform, realize his dreams, and grow CASE STUDY: HENRY'S STORY, PART IX Starting from the early stages of the coaching relationship and throughout the engagement, Henry's coach continuously acknowledged the efforts and progress he made

And here's the cream of the whole thing: we delivered new cars to all six of these customers within the next two years! One of them refused to pay a penny of the disputed charge; but the other five all gave the company the best of it!

Thomas, "that when no information can be secured about the customer, the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful and willing and anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct "Experience has taught me," says Mr

If you are not satisfied, why not experiment? If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change?

Thomas, a former student of mine: Six customers of a certain automobile company refused to pay their bills for servicing At any rate, I think you will enjoy reading this true story told by James L

Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal

Thought is supreme Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual

Mrs Why?

Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own

Focusing on her strengths and her dreams rather than her mistakes and her shortcomings, she began to flourish, and her problems began to clear up However, when we shifted the focus of the coaching to the goals and dreams that she wanted to achieve, she opened up and became excited about coaching

Through our many years of experience in coaching, we have seen countless lives change for the better In fact, after only 18 months of coaching she was able to realize her dream of becoming the vice president of marketing

Never again did he ridicule anyone Never again did he write an insulting letter

Time after time, during the Civil War, Lincoln put a new general at the head of the Army of the Potomac, and each one in turn - McClellan, Pope, Burnside, Hooker, Meade - blundered tragically and drove Lincoln to pacing the floor in despair And from that time on, he almost never criticized anybody for anything

4 How is this goal relevant to your vision and your life?

Time-bound 1 In what way is this goal aligned with your life purpose?

Tippy was my constant companion for five years Every afternoon about four-thirty, he would sit in the front yard with his beautiful eyes staring steadfastly at the path, and as soon as he heard my voice or saw me swinging my dinner pail through the buck brush, he was off like a shot, racing breathlessly up the hill to greet me with leaps of joy and barks of sheer ecstasy

Tippy's death was the tragedy of my boyhood Then one tragic night - I shall never forget it - he was killed within ten feet of my head, killed by lightning

Thousands of people all over the world are being trained in Carnegie courses in increasing numbers each year So his voice still speaks as forcefully as ever, in the book and in his work

To all of them, we offer this revision in the spirit of the honing and polishing of a finely made tool And other thousands are reading and studying How to Win Friends and lnfluence People and being inspired to use its principles to better their lives

They get stuck in their conditioned responses—to their spouses and their children, to their colleagues at work, to their customers and their clients, to their students, and to the world at large Unfortunately, most people are so controlled by their habits that they never change their behavior

To be happy, people have to regain control of their thoughts, their images, their dreams, and their behavior In fact, they are a bundle of conditioned reflexes that operate outside of their control

What is the next course of action you could decide on that would give you the results you want? 27

What benefits would you be likely to enjoy as a result of that choice? 28

DALE CARNEGIE 1936 ---------------------------------- Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book 1 " And this is an action book

Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little, And if you do have this cardinal endowment, then you can achieve wonders without reading any suggestions for getting the most out of a book If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique

" In other words, don't argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary "It will help you gain your point

Use a little diplomacy Don't tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred up

Help him to identify potential problems and roadblocks and possible solutions for dealing with them when they arise Ask questions to help him see the connections and relationships between different success factors

Use observation and your intuition to keep asking great questions Be aware of what ignites your curiosity

5 Clients are seriously burdened with worries and negative emotions that are blocking them from working effectively on action steps (shift to the Releasing Paradigm)

Using the Situational Coaching Model We created the situational coaching paradigm to meet the challenge of coaching in the real world after we had tried many other existing models and over time found them to be less and less useful People have been working on the action steps for decisions made earlier, and they come to a realization that they really need to reevaluate and change their decisions (shift to the Decision Paradigm)

It starts with a central theme, then branches out to encompass the different tasks needed to accomplish the goals The Sticky Note Technique uses a similar strategy to mind mapping in that it helps clients visualize their big picture plans

Using the sticky notes also gives flexibility when the client needs to update or move certain tasks around as she progresses with her plans This method of presenting ideas will encourage people to approach their task planning in a more innovative manner

, 54 Benefits derived from coaching, 29-32 Big picture thinking, 166 Blanchard, Ken, 14, 99 Blink (Gladwell), 96 Bombarding questions, 75 Bottom-lining, 120-122 Boyatzis, Richard, 9 Breakdowns, 144 Breakthrough goals, 229-230, 229 Breakthroughs, 122, 144, 229-230 Bringing out the best in others, xviii, 13-17 Broad-based questions, 68 Bruner, Pamela, 217 Buffet, Warren, 122 Burley-Allen, Madelyn, 93 Buscaglia, Leo, 44 Buy-in, xviii, 118 questions that build, 56-60, 56 C Calling in life, 8 OceanofPDF.com INDEX A Acceptance, xvi, 107-112 Accomplishments, xvi, 1, 137-155, 160-162 sense of, 259 Accountability, xvi, 137-155, 199-207 in Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 lack of, 143-144, 143 partners in, 144-150, 144 Accountability partners, 144-150 Achievement curiosity and, 53-54 in Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 Achievers Coaching Techniques (ACT), xiv, xvii, 195-207 Releasing Paradigm and, 174 Goals Paradigm and, 162 Acknowledging effort and progress, xvi, 150-155, 209 in Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 Action, xvii, 195 control of, 202 in Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 Action Paradigm, xvii, 157, 170, 173, 178, 181-186 key questions for, 181-184 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 184-186 Action plans, xvi, xvii, 1, 195, 241-246 committing to, 181-182 mind-mapping in, 242-243 prioritization in, 241 Rule of 5 in, 244 scorecard for progress in, 246 step by step, 16, 127-131 Sticky Note Technique in, 243-244 timelines for, 181-182 Adding value to others, xvi, 8-13 Advice-oriented questions, xvi, 61-64, 72 Affirmation, 10-11, 217-218, 232-234 in Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 Affirming outcomes, xvii, 195, 231-239 Agendas, 15-16 Aha moments, 122 Alcaraz, Serely, 82 Analysis Paradigm, xvii, 157, 165, 169, 170-173, 178, 181, 185 key questions for, 170-172 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 172-173 Anchoring technique, 213-215 Apple Computers, 201 Appreciation, 151-155 Arabacioglu, Hakan, 120 Aristotle, 8 Art of War, The (Sun Tzu), 5 Asking questions, xvi, 1, 53-78, 248 Action Paradigm and, 181-184 action planning questions in, 245 advice-oriented questions in, 61-64, 72 Analysis Paradigm and, 170-172 anchoring technique and, 214-215 avoidance of, 248 avoiding judgment in, 61-64 backcasting in, 238-239 bombarding, 75 breaking down big goals using, 245 broad-based questions in, 68 celebrating success through, 259-260 clarity and simplicity in, 68-69 close-ended questions in, 67 closed-ended questions in, 72 Decision Paradigm and, 179-180 deepening questions in, 68 delayed questions in, 75-76 discovering talent and purpose through, 221-222 disruptive questions in, 74 distracted questions in, 73-74 empowerment and buy-in through, 56-60 Exploration Paradigm and, 166-169 flip switching technique and, 212 goals and goal setting through, 162-165, 225 judgmental questions in, 72 key questions of situational coaching and, 160 Law of Attraction and, 256-257 learning type, 251 meandering questions in, 75 mismatched questions in, 76 misplaced questions in, 72 open-ended questions in, 68 options-type questions in, 67 out of the box thinking and, 67 overcoming limiting beliefs through, 217-218 perseverance and, 252 poor expression in, 74 practicing, 71-78 prioritization through, 245 reframing techniques for, 205-207 Releasing Paradigm and, 173-178 releasing solutions through, 64-69 repetitive questions in, 74 Rule of 5 and, 245 silence and reflection following, 69-70 six Ws and one H formula in, 64-68 SMARTEST goals and, 226-229 talent assessment and confirmation through, 220-221 value of, 70-71 why type questions in, 73 work-life balance through, 223-224 Attainable goals, 227 Authentic rapport, 39-43, 39 Avoidance approach, 248 Awareness, xviii, 99-112 B Backcasting, 237-239 Balance, work-life, 222-224 Baruch, Bernard, 78 Behavior, changing to change outcomes, 200-207 Being present, xviii, 83-86 Believing in human potential, 3-8 Bell, Alexander G

W See also Fulfillment Canfield, Jack, xiii, xv, 17, 21, 29, 33, 34, 38, 56, 60, 64, 89, 107, 112, 113, 118, 123, 127, 131, 132, 137, 142, 150, 159, 198, 217, 219, 260, 261 Caring, xviii, 44-46 Carnegie, Dale, 41 Carver, George Washington, 199 Celebrating success, xix, 195, 253-260 Ceran, C

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 24 Use the Power of Simplicity Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple A boss might give instructions and bark orders, a consultant would analyze data and give advice, but a coach would use curiosity to ask, listen and draw out the best from people

W —C

He knew of only one person who possessed the facts he needed so urgently Walters, of one of the large banks in New York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation

Walters was ushered into the president's office, a young woman stuck her head through a door and told the president that she didn't have any stamps for him that day As Mr

I am so gratified that as a result of my coaching encounter with you, I was able to accomplish much more than I ever imagined In my mind, that monument was symbolic of our triumphant coaching journey

We became the top performing team in the company My team managed to achieve total sales of 53 million last year, which exceeded our breakthrough goal of 40 million

To think rightly is to create Preserve a right mental attitude - the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer

We become like that on which our hearts are fixed All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered

You may think you get to be right, but the question you have to ask yourself is Would I rather be right or be happy? Why resist it?

We have a friend who would rather be right than be happy and successful Would I rather be right or be successful?

For example, when you shift into the Goals Paradigm, you might use the SMARTEST Goals Technique (as explained in Chapter 13), if that is appropriate to help people set effective goals You can use the techniques according to the needs of your client

We have chosen to share techniques that we know are easy to learn and apply yet are powerful when you put them into practice in the right circumstances There are many more techniques for accelerating the achievement of success than we can put in one book, but we have decided to focus on what we have found to be a few of the most effective ones in our experience as coaches

If we live a cluttered life, we find that there is a constant overload of information and "stuff" everywhere—a cluttered and chaotic workplace, a crowded home, and a disorganized mind A simplified life consists of having what matters most, instead of just having more and more

We have time to do what we want to do, not just what we have to do When we simplify, we get the most important things done on time

Their work continues to demand more and more of their time—they become workaholics, and their career ends up consuming other important areas of their lives Vision and Work-Life Balance Many professionals are so caught up with their careers that they find themselves almost totally engrossed in the pursuit of job-related goals

We know many well-accomplished executives with big titles, big offices, and big bank accounts who consider themselves bankrupt in life Weeks and years pass by; one morning, they wake up to a life filled with regrets

14 What factors are most important in terms of impacting the results?

What could be the root cause? Search deeper using all the wisdom that is within you

So we wrote them, saying we admired their work and were deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success Years ago I conducted a course in fiction writing at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts and Sciences, and we wanted such distinguished and busy authors as Kathleen Norris, Fannie Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Albert Payson Terhune and Rupert Hughes to come to Brooklyn and give us the benefit of their experiences

We said we realized that these authors were busy - too busy to prepare a lecture Each of these letters was signed by about a hundred and fifty students

On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4:20 P This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks, and in some cases delays to freight

We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising from late receipt of freight M

So, if you are inclined to tell people they are wrong, please read the following paragraph every morning before breakfast And most citizens don't want to change their minds about their religion or their haircut or communism or their favorite movie star

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts It is from James Harvey Robinson's enlightening book The Mind in the Making

Instead we use the coaching process to empower people to want to change If we try to coerce them, they will resist

We start by listening, observing, using our intuition, and asking powerful questions, using a simple and yet powerful Reframing Technique according to the E + R = O formula Then we support them in order to make the change happen

We read their biographies, We read the life stories of all great leaders from Julius Caesar to Thomas Edison In addition, I hired a trained researcher to spend one and a half years in various libraries reading everything I had missed, plowing through erudite tomes on psychology, poring over hundreds of magazine articles, searching through countless biographies, trying to ascertain how the great leaders of all ages had dealt with people

We were determined to spare no time, no expense, to discover every practical idea that anyone had ever used throughout the ages for winning friends and influencing people I recall that we read over one hundred biographies of Theodore Roosevelt alone

It's about helping people to grow and develop as human beings and experience greater fulfillment Coaching is the ultimate self-development and growth experience

We wish you much joy, love, and abundance in your exciting journey to becoming the best coach you can possibly be It's about expanding people's capacity to produce extraordinary results and to make their impossible dreams possible

Henry: I see tremendous value Coach: What value do you see from having the scorecard?

We would be able to continuously make adjustments and improvements to achieve more All team members will be able to know clearly at any point in time where we are going, how we are going to get there, and where we are at any point in time

And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk I told him I must see him again - and I did

Well, according to former Harvard president Charles W What is the secret, the mystery, of a successful business interview?

He lost countless thousands of dollars in commissions before he learned this truth Take the case of Eugene Wesson

Wesson sold sketches for a studio that created designs for stylists and textile manufacturers Mr

Wesson had called on one of the leading stylists in New York once a week, every week for three years Mr

Wesson, "but he never bought "He never refused to see me," said Mr

"So when I saw him the next day, I began talking about the Greeters No matter where its conventions were held, he would be there

What a response! What a response I got

How can you tap into them? What other opportunities could there be?

What are all the possible threats? 11

Rule of 5 What are the five most important things that you need to focus on every day to get you to your goal? Could you map out a one-page sketch of the main things that you need to do to achieve your goal and how they are connected to each other?

What are five action steps you could take tomorrow to move the goal forward? 1

What would you like to do about them? 7

What are the goals in your life that are not related to work that you would like to focus on first? 8

With the passing of the years, I acquired a trifle more knowledge of human relations, a little more tact, a somewhat greater tendency to see things from the other person's standpoint After I rode on over the hill, they probably rebuilt the fire and longed to burn up the whole park

What are you going to cook for supper? Then, instead of giving orders, I would ride up to a blazing fire and begin something like this: "Having a good time, boys?

What do you love to do? 4

What are you passionate about? 5

8 In what ways would you need to consult others before making this decision?

What are your reasons for that? Does one choice clearly stand out as the best?

What are your natural gifts? 2

What are your skills and talents? 3

How will these action steps lead you to achieving your goal? 29

What benefits will you enjoy? 30

What help do you need? What would it take for you to get it done?

What benefits would you be enjoying when you get this completed? Who can you ask for that help?

Even large, skeptical, conservative organizations such as the Westinghouse Electric Company, the McGraw-Hill Publishing Company, the Brooklyn Union Gas Company, the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce, the American Institute of Electrical Engineers and the New York Telephone Company have had this training conducted in their own offices for the benefit of their members and executives During that time, more than fifteen thousand business and professional people had been trained by Dale Carnegie

What do adults really want to study? The fact that these people, ten or twenty years after leaving grade school, high school or college, come and take this training is a glaring commentary on the shocking deficiencies of our educational system

List at least three items What are the negative feelings, stress, and problems affecting you?

What do you easily appreciate, care about, and love most? 2

What are your personal strengths and characteristics? 8

What do you enjoy most when interacting with other people? 9

What date and time is it exactly? Imagine that you have already achieved your goal

What do you see? 2

Well, I guess I could use my willpower to fight it off Henry: I really have no idea so far

What do you think? Just stop myself, count from one to ten, leave the room, or go kick a punching bag instead

] Now, if people who devote their lives to advertising and who pose as experts in the art of influencing people to buy - if they write a letter like that, what can we expect from the butcher and baker or the auto mechanic? What you need is a quart of iodine in your thyroid gland

What effect did this letter have on the man to whom it was addressed? Here is another letter, written by the superintendent of a large freight terminal to a student of this course, Edward Vermylen

She has finished talking about her goals and accomplishments 5

What else do you need to consider? Exploration Paradigm Key Questions: How are you going to get there?

Coach: That's a good move I can also work on making powerful presentations as often as it is practical, and I can call my wife to listen to her voice whenever I need to feel better

What else would you do to interact with your team? Keep tapping into the wisdom that is within you

The Reframing Technique will help people move from being stuck to becoming resourceful, from being preoccupied with doom stories to focusing on creating success stories Use the Reframing Technique at the appropriate time when you pick up red flags such as limiting and self-defeating thoughts and interpretations, poor attitude, and assumptions that are creating problems and preventing people from achieving their goals

What happened? Here are a series of questions that will help when preparing to help people use the E + R = O Reframing Technique Achievers Coaching Questions for Reframing 1

Use them to create the most appropriate questions for your client and the situation Review them as you prepare for your coaching conversation rather than during the conversation itself

What have you accomplished? As an overview, here are the key questions and brief descriptions relating to each of the six paradigms of situational coaching: Goals Paradigm Key Questions: Where are you going?

What most makes you come alive? What kind of work would make you jump out of bed every morning and look forward to each day with great eagerness?

What have you experienced in your life that brought you great joy and fulfillment, something you'd like to experience more of? 19

Take the next two minutes to visualize and feel the feelings of that ... (pause) ... What did you experience? Imagine you are sitting in the middle of a waterfall, and water is flowing all over you and washing away all your worries and anxieties

What is a better feeling you could create for yourself the next time that happens? 9

Your education? Every adult in Meriden was interviewed and requested to answer 156 questions-questions such as "What is your business or profession?

What is your income? How do you spend your spare time?

What other items might you want to add to the action steps? 10

What items might you want to exclude from the action steps? 11

What are you thankful for? 6

What kind of people and opportunities would you like to attract? 7

What kind of support do you think you need to complete this goal? 16

What kind of support structure could you put in place to make sure you take these steps? 17

How can you best develop these talents so you can become one of the best at performing this type of activity? 4

What might be some new ways you can use your talents to create high performance? 5

What's good in this situation? Every negative event contains the seed of an equal or greater benefit

What positive qualities do you see in this person? 19

Your ambitions? Your hobbies?

What subjects are you most interested in studying? Your problems?

That made me feel really small and embarrassed, and later I would hide in the attic She used to scold me nonstop and put me down in front of others to tame my "wild" behavior

What was the good side of your mom? Coach: Thanks for sharing that

What are the key things that you have learned from today's coaching session? Achievers Coaching Questions on Learning 1

What was the most important point that you picked up from the feedback you received? 2

They can see more clearly the overall direction that they are taking and can align their vision and goals to their purpose When people are clear about their purpose of being in this world, their life takes on a higher meaning

What we have found is that most schools and business organizations focus on finding and improving people's weaknesses The process of discovering your life purpose means identifying your talents and strengths, then figuring out the best ways you can use them to add value and serve your family, community, and the world

What do you know about your life purpose? 4

What were you created to do? Your destiny?

I was desperate, so after that when I went riding, I acted as a self-appointed committee of one to protect the public domain On one occasion, I rushed up to a policeman and told him about a fire spreading rapidly through the park and wanted him to notify the fire department, and he nonchalantly replied that it was none of his business because it wasn't in his precinct!

When I saw a fire blazing under the trees, I was so unhappy about it, so eager to do the right thing, that I did the wrong thing In the beginning, I am afraid I didn't even attempt to see the other people's point of view

Let's take just one illustration: The Battle of Gettysburg was fought during the first three days of July 1863 " Yet if any man ever had occasion to criticize, surely it was Lincoln

When Lee reached the Potomac with his defeated army, he found a swollen, impassable river in front of him, and a victorious Union Army behind him During the night of July 4, Lee began to retreat southward while storm clouds deluged the country with rain

You will find examples of the futility of criticism bristling on a thousand pages of history, Take, for example, the famous quarrel between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft - a quarrel that split the Republican party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House, and wrote bold, luminous lines across the First World War and altered the flow of history The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset

When Theodore Roosevelt stepped out of the White House in 1908, he supported Taft, who was elected President Let's review the facts quickly

An effective coach works with her clients to create awareness and acceptance so that they embrace and initiate change willingly without needing to be coerced by anyone —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee When people are not aware of what is limiting their progress and happiness, they are oblivious to what needs to change; when they are in a state of denial, they will resist change

When a coach engages in asking powerful questions, listens effectively, offers valuable feedback, and the client articulates his thoughts openly, this often results in surfacing a new insight that energizes change Helping people to create awareness and voluntary acceptance has the potential to change people's lives for the better

What's your level of commitment to implementing your decision? 29

When and how often will you do the action steps? 30

Is there a unique way you can combine your gifts and talents to create a synergy for producing the best results? 6

When are the times when you feel most alive and joyful? Achievers Coaching Questions for Talent and Life Purpose Discovery 1

Let's provide an opportunity for them to leverage their strengths and prioritize their most important goals related to the different aspects of their lives Let's discover what matters most to them and what would make the greatest difference for them

When asked about the toughest challenge she encounters at work, she started to give a laundry list of all the things that require her attention CASE STUDY: MEI YING'S STORY Take the case of Mei Ying, an HR manager of a leading shoe manufacturing firm in Shanghai

What brings you the greatest joy in life? 6

When do you feel best about yourself? 7

At one point, he had a strong intuitive feeling that Boris's talent and the competency requirements of his job were in conflict The coach kept an open mind, listening, observing, and using his intuition

When he took a new role as a sales consultant under the same boss, his job became satisfying; he began to flourish and eventually became one of the top performers on the Moscow team Boris was gifted with the ability to relate to people and to influence others, so the job of a systems analyst was dreadful for him, as it focused on his area of weakness

Because people are not able to easily observe themselves, the feedback from others, including their coaches, can be very valuable The coach guides the client to discover what is usually right in front of them

When our intent is clear and pure, when we are really giving feedback and coaching with the very best for the other person in mind, it will be more successful Giving Great Feedback to Clients Kevin Eikenberry, in his online article on "Coaching and Feedback," asserts that the key to successful feedback is intent

Hold your clients accountable in a firm, encouraging manner It works better when people choose to be accountable, and they want their coach, their accountability partner, and their team members to hold them accountable

When people are accountable, it means they are part of a team, and they can't easily let themselves off the hook for not meeting their obligations Never use fear or threats

Wilson told one of our classes, "I just gave up "One day," Mrs

When she returned I was about to scream at her for the ten-thousandth time, but I just didn't have the strength to do it Laurie had disobeyed me and had left the house to visit her girl friend before she had completed her chores

Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Partly right?

Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, or will it just relieve any frustration?

I think it is The way in which I have worded this statement may seem strange to you, Is it necessary to permit oneself to understand another?

When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel "that's right," or "that's stupid," "that's abnormal," "that's unreasonable," "that's incorrect," "that's not nice Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgment, rather than an understanding of it

So for weeks he went from one meeting to another, denouncing waste and municipal extravagance As a result of that talk of indignation, the citizens of Clifton, New Jersey, urged him to run for the town council

When the ballots were counted, lo, Godfrey Meyer's name led all the rest There were ninety-six candidates in the field

And when, for example, an inland storekeeper couldn't pay cash for the bacon and hams he had ordered, Dale Carnegie would take a dozen pairs of shoes off his shelf, sell the shoes to the railroad men, and forward the receipts to Armour and Company He studied books on salesmanship, rode bucking bronchos, played poker with the Indians, and learned how to collect money

When the train stopped to unload freight, he would dash uptown, see three or four merchants, get his orders; and when the whistle blew, he would dash down the street again lickety-split and swing onto the train while it was moving He would often ride a freight train a hundred miles a day

In reviewing scorecards, you should constantly acknowledge and reinforce what your client has already accomplished When you evoke emotions of joy and pride from their past achievements, it reminds them how capable they are and gives them the energy to do and achieve more

When their scorecard shows that they have fallen short of their target, review their goals and action steps with them and focus on helping them find their own solutions to achieving their intended result When people do better than expected or when they are on target, celebrate with them and challenge them to see if they want to aim even higher in the future

This is where you as a coach can make a huge difference in people's lives Some people lack the self-confidence and drive to achieve their dreams, and they face external roadblocks that make them doubt they will ever realize their dreams

When they have a great coach to work with them, those dreams can become reality Their dreams don't have to remain just visions

The Achievers Coaching Techniques does not operate independently of The Coaching Principles (TCP) and the Situational Coaching Model (SCM) We have found these to be some of the most powerful techniques practiced by many of the world's top achievers, and they will facilitate your effectiveness as a coach

When using the ACT, the core principles of coaching require a coach to disclose the use of these techniques and use them only after gaining consent from the person being coached They all work together in synergy, and the "Coaching for Breakthrough Success Meta Model (30-6-8)," shown at the beginning of this book, puts them all together in a holistic manner

He mentioned that he wanted to open three traditional Spanish fine dining restaurants and a spa near his home He had a large amount of capital on hand, and he wanted to make the best use of it

When we asked several questions that, from our experience, normally spark some creative solutions, we found that Orlando was not highly creative in his ideas Once his goals were established, we shifted into the Exploration Paradigm to help him generate as many creative ideas as possible

When significant subgoals are achieved, we encourage them to celebrate, reward themselves, and show gratitude to the people who have supported them When people have big goals to achieve, we work with them to break down their goals to smaller parts

When we fully experience the positive power of gratitude we are working in alignment with and harnessing the incredible power of the Law of Attraction This helps them build up momentum to achieve even more success

William Winter once remarked that "self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature She had achieved a feeling of importance; she had found in making the cereal an avenue of self-expression

When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves " Why can't we adapt this same psychology to business dealings?

Intuition In addition to deep listening and observation, experienced coaches learn how to use intuition to their advantage Be aware of these challenges when observing those whom you coach, and seek to be as objective as you can

When we practice good listening, we listen deeply and use observation Deep listening, observation, and intuition are all important components of the "Crucial Conversational Process," and they should all work in unison

Your morale should not be dampened when your client faces problems and setbacks As a coach, you must continue to believe in your client's potential for greatness and continually focus on a brighter future

When we see ongoing breakdowns, we also see habits and issues that need to be resolved, and when they work through and replace those undesired patterns, the client experiences significant transformations that will enrich many aspects of his or her life Many times we have seen breakdowns turn into an opportunities for breakthroughs

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is each of the action steps? 6

When will you start doing that first action step, how often, and for how long? 7

" Your real-life three-year old might answer, "Okay; I'll be good because I know I'm going to get something good at the end of it But after Mommy's done, we'll go for an ice cream or play a video game

When you ask it to be still, let you finish your work, stay up late, and so on, it will behave as long as it knows there's a reward at the end of the behaving " Well, not surprisingly, your inner child is no different

What is your greatest passion and talent that you would like to use to serve others? 2

When you look at your life as a whole, what do you think is your main purpose for being in this world? 3

3 Visualization focuses your brain by programming its reticular activating system (RAS) to notice available resources that were always there but were previously unnoticed

When you perform any task in real life, researchers have found, your brain uses the same identical processes it would use if you were only vividly visualizing that activity Visualization magnetizes and attracts to you the people, resources, and opportunities you need to achieve your goal

"Many years ago," he reported, "I called on customers for Johnson and Johnson in the Massachusetts area , of Chatham, New Jersey, retain an account

Whenever I went into this store I would always talk to the soda clerk and sales clerk for a few minutes before talking to the owner to obtain his order One account was a drug store in Hingham

And how was it done? Whether his visitor was a cowboy or a Rough Rider, a New York politician or a diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested The answer was simple

" "I'll always be on the outside looking in " "I can't find anyone who really likes me

Where do they come from? " When not addressed, these limitations can lead to self-sabotage and recurring negative consequences

So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us, How? " All of us want that

Where? When?

If you follow your heart's true desire, what would be your decision on this? 11

Which choice do you think would bring you the best outcome? 12

Give suggestions sparingly after getting consent Focus on asking great questions to draw out the answers from your client

While working on the strategies and action plans, encourage your client to be creative and explore various options first and then work with them to analyze and identify the better solutions, eliminate what is not necessary, and prioritize the goals, strategies, and action steps If your client is still unsure of what strategies and action steps to take to realize his goals, you can suggest that he talk to those who have accomplished similar goals to get some ideas that might be helpful to him

White "I walked over to the showroom and asked to see the agency owner, Mr

White's office After a short wait, I was ushered into Mr

Would being held accountable increase your chances of success? Here are some examples of questions relating to accountability partners that you can ask your client: Would you like someone to help you be accountable for your own success?

Who would be an effective accountability partner for this task? What qualities would you need in an accountability partner?

Your childlike ego, on the other hand, does what all children do—it whines, begs for attention, craves, hugs, and acts out when it doesn't get its needs met It is also the part that validates, appreciates, and acknowledges you for doing a good job

Why aren't we having more fun? As we go through life, it's almost as if we have a three-year old holding on to us who's constantly asking, "Why are we sitting at this desk?

But the other half - and this is the appalling part of the story - the other half of the people who go insane apparently have nothing organically wrong with their brain cells In fact, about one-half of all mental diseases can be attributed to such physical causes as brain lesions, alcohol, toxins and injuries

Why do these people go insane? In post-mortem examinations, when their brain tissues are studied under the highest-powered microscopes, these tissues are found to be apparently just as healthy as yours and mine

A lot of us suffer from the paranoia of omission—not wanting to miss out on anything and striving for perfection We live an imbalanced life, not clear about what we want, where we are going, and how we are going to get there

Why do we need to simplify? We're afraid something will go wrong if we miss out on something, but we end up feeling overwhelmed, lost, and forgetting our priorities

It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people's minds It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start

Why handicap yourself? So why make it harder?

Is it really possible? Is this goal within your reach?

Why is this goal important to you? Relevant 1

Why prove to a man he is wrong? But we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale

Why not let him save his face? Is that going to make him like you?

You can't win an argument Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right

Why? You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it

In addition, many people also have their own internal problems Many people live in a negative world; they're surrounded with negative forces and negative news that wears them out

With all these negative forces combined, more and more people are highly stressed, lacking in motivation, under great tension and anxiety, worried, sad, angry, envious, rebellious, revengeful, remorseful, manipulative, unfair, fearful, saying things they shouldn't, inflicting pain on others, or suffering from hypertension, muscular pain, attention deficit disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, and the like No wonder there is such a great need for coaching

The present system was no longer adequate to pay the operators fairly for the work being performed and give them an incentive to increase production The system we were using had worked fine when we had only two or three different types of yarn, but recently we had expanded our inventory and capabilities to enable us to run more than twelve different varieties

With my new system in hand, I entered the meeting determined to prove to the management that my system was the right approach I had worked up a new system which would enable us to pay the operator by the class of yam she was running at any one particular time

Too many times people achieve their goals and keep striving for more without taking stock of what they have already achieved and how they did it Conversely, helping someone understand how they have constructed their past successes helps them to replicate more of the same by focusing on their strengths and what they do well

With so much going on, they lack awareness of things that may seem obvious to others People are often too engrossed in what they are doing to become aware

Crowley saw that his firm was losing thousands of dollars through the arguments he won Once they make a decision, they never change it," Mr

With what results? So while taking my course, he resolved to change tactics and abandon arguments

" I felt like taking my hat off to those boys "Oh, yes," he said, "when a boy realizes that he is going to be a cripple for life, he is shocked at first; but after he gets over the shock, he usually resigns himself to his fate and then becomes as happy as normal boys

Working all by oneself in a closed-off room in an office not only is lonely, but it denies one the opportunity of making friends with other employees in the company They taught me a lesson I hope I shall never forget

Your gifts and talents are meant to be your contribution to the world So what it boils down to is that you are meant to do what brings you joy

Working with clients on discovering and living their life purpose is one of the most fulfilling jobs of a coach A life lived with purpose and intention is one that will honor and nourish your spirit on a deep level while simultaneously contributing to the world around you

3 List at least three items?

Would you like some soft relaxing music? Would you please clear your mind of all thoughts, relax, and focus on the area around your heart

' "The effect of this little expression of appreciation was striking I understand you win a lot of blue ribbons every year at the show in Madison Square Garden

Would you like to see my kennel? " 'Yes,' the judge replied, 'I do have a lot of fun with my dogs

Finally, George Eastman turned to Adamson and said, "The last time I was in Japan I bought some chairs, brought them home, and put them in my sun porch And they were still talking

Would you like to see what sort of a job I can do painting chairs? But the sun peeled the paint, so I went downtown the other day and bought some paint and painted the chairs myself

What kind of thoughts, imagery, feelings, and actions can you focus on to get you what you really want? 4

Would you write down and then share with me three things you feel most grateful for in your life? 5

Just as there are plays in football that move you far up the field in one move, there are plays in life that will do the same thing That would be a quantum leap in his progress

Wouldn't that be a goal worth pursuing with passion? They include things such as: Losing 60 pounds Writing a book Publishing an article in Fortune magazine Getting on Oprah Winning a gold medal at the Olympics Successfully setting up your company in another country Getting your masters or doctoral degree Getting certified as a professional coach Opening your own spa Getting elected president of your union or professional association Hosting your own radio show The achievement of that one big goal would change everything

I told him the information he refused to give was not absolutely necessary So I agreed with him

Wouldn't you like to have the bank transfer it to your next of kin, who is entitled to it according to law? " 'However,' I said, 'suppose you have money in this bank at your death

This shift in thinking can mean the difference between a lifetime of "could haves" and instead accomplishing what you really want in life " You make the shift to positive belief, competence, and mastery

Write down your limiting belief Here are the steps for overcoming limiting beliefs: 1

Make affirmations for yourself, not others 8

Wrong: I am watching Johnny clean up his room When you are constructing your affirmations, make them describe your behavior, not the behavior of others

Include an action word ending with -ing 6

Wrong: I express myself openly and honestly The active verb adds power to the effect by evoking an image of doing it right now

He told the boys and girls in the neighborhood that if they would go out and pull enough clover and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the bunnies in their honor But he had a brilliant idea

Years later, he made millions by using the same psychology in business The plan worked like magic, and Carnegie never forgot it

This is one paradigm where you need to be very open to stimulate out-of-the-box thinking and maximum creativity from your client As a coach, you add great value to people when you become his sounding board as well as brainstorming and thinking partner

You want to engage him in lateral thinking, which involves looking at the same issue from different angles: scenario planning, options generation, and so on Be ready to ask him for outrageous and disruptive ideas; it is often from here that the most innovative ideas emerge

In other words, you grow tremendously in the process of pursuing a very ambitious goal that greatly challenges you In our coaching programs we also frequently refer to a breakthrough goal as a goal that would stretch you in the process of achieving it, you would become a different person

You want to set a goal that's big enough that in the process of achieving it, you become someone worth becoming You can make the biggest difference for the people you coach when you work with them on creating and realizing their breakthrough goals

If you don't you will forget them quickly Apply these rules at every opportunity

You will probably find it difficult to apply these suggestions all the time Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind

" Repeat this for five to ten minutes, and continue to jot down his answers " As soon as he answers, write down his answer and again ask, "What do you want?

You'll find the first wants aren't all that profound People can find this repetitive questioning technique to be rather humorous (and occasionally, annoying)

It activates your subconscious mind to create solutions for getting the goals you want 2

You'll find yourself having ideas in the shower, while you are taking long walks, and while you are driving to work You'll start waking up in the morning with new ideas

Sit down one evening in front of your television set and analyze what the advertisers do in each of their presentations Television commercials abound with examples of the use of dramatic techniques in selling products

You'll see a car maneuver around a series of turns and curves - far better than just being told about it You will note how an antacid medicine changes the color of the acid in a test tube while its competitor doesn't, how one brand of soap or detergent gets a greasy shirt clean when the other brand leaves it gray

This chap who was a total failure the first half-dozen times he tried to speak in public later became my personal manager This erstwhile cowboy who had once punched cattle and branded calves and ridden fences out in western South Dakota later went to London to put on shows under the patronage of the royal family

Young Carnegie had to struggle for an education, for hard luck was always battering away at the old farm in northwest Missouri with a flying tackle and a body slam Much of my success has been due to training under Dale Carnegie

People confirm that they are clear enough about the goals that they wish to work on Shift out of the Goals Paradigm When 1

Your client indicates that she wishes to explore and analyze ways of how she can achieve the goal (shift to the Exploration Paradigm and then to the Analysis Paradigm) 2

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest) what is your level of commitment toward this decision? 19

Your client mentions that they are ready to decide and take action Shift into the Decision Paradigm When 1

You begin the coaching relationship and you need to establish the overall goals of the coaching assignment Shift into the Goals Paradigm When 1

Your client needs to establish the goals for a particular conversation 2

She feels the need to express her problems and worries before talking further about goals and solutions (shift to the Releasing Paradigm and then back to the Goals Paradigm) 3

Your client wishes to decide on plans and work out action steps to achieve her goals (shift to the Decision Paradigm and then to the Action Paradigm) 4

"I was a bit shocked when I got your letter," I said, "but I don't blame you at all So a couple of days later I went to see the manager

Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make all the profit possible If I had been in your position, I should probably have written a similar letter myself

Whatever you are thinking and feeling at any given time is your request to the universe for the same kind of energy You get back more of what you put out there

Your energy frequencies need to be in tune with what you want to attract in your life Because your energy vibrations will attract energy back to you of the same frequencies you're emitting, you need to make sure that you are continually sending out energy, thoughts, and feelings that resonate with what you want to be, do, and experience

" She will then start to list all of the tasks that she needs to do under each goal Give her smaller sticky notes and ask her, "What will it take to attain your goal?

Your objective is to make sure that all important things have been considered The process continues, and you repeat the question until the two of you have drilled down to the smallest of essential details

Ben Franklin tells how he conquered the iniquitous habit of argument and transformed himself into one of the most able, suave and diplomatic men in American history If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin's autobiography - one of the most fascinating life stories ever written, one of the classics of American literature

Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you One day, when Ben Franklin was a blundering youth, an old Quaker friend took him aside and lashed him with a few stinging truths, something like this: Ben, you are impossible

As an effective coach, you must refrain from setting goals for the person you are coaching One of your key roles as a coach is to take people through an effective goalsetting process while letting them decide on the goals that they are motivated to pursue

Your role is to support them in clarifying their real needs and desires You are not responsible for setting their goals

She had never seen one and he described it to her fully In that book Amos relates this illuminating incident: My wife one time asked the President about a bobwhite

[Amos and his wife lived in a little cottage on the Roosevelt estate at Oyster Bay Sometime later, the telephone at our cottage rang

I'm not interested in what you desire or what the President of the United States desires You unmitigated ass

] Will you, therefore, put the ---------- company on your preferred list for weekly station information - every single detail that will be useful to an agency in intelligently booking time Let me tell you once and for all that I am interested in what I desire - and you haven't said a word about that yet in this absurd letter of yours

Feedback, 100 Crucial Conversational Process, 93-98 Cryer, Bruce, 44 Curiosity, xvi, 1, 53-78 D Daydreams, 202 De Angelis, Barbara, 84 de Bono, Edward, 120 Decision making, 16 Decision Paradigm, xvii, 157, 170, 173, 178, 179-181, 186 key questions for, 179-180 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 180-181 Deep listening, 93-98 Deepening questions, 68 Delayed questions, 75-76 Directive vs , 21, 30 Credibility, 49-50 Criticism vs

nondirective approaches to, 15-17 questions that build, 56-60 Energy of a coach, xvii, Energy of a coach, xiv, 1, 195, 197 Engaging goals, 228 Enhancing performance through visualization, 235-237 Event, Response, Outcome equation, 200-207 Exploration Paradigm, xvii, 157, 165, 166-170, 173, 178, 181, 185 key questions for, 166-169 SCM model and use of, 186-193 shifting into and out of, 169-170 F Failure by client to deliver, 143-144 Feedback, xvii, xvi, 1, 99-112, 195, 247-250 asking for, 248-250 patterns in, 250 Fettig, Jeff, 30 Five A's of Coaching Effectiveness, 151 Flexibility, xvi, 22-28 Flip switching technique, 211-212 Flow of paradigms in SCM, 187-193 Focus, 84, 134-135, 231 Focusing the conversation, 17-21 From Chaos to Coherence (Childre/Cryer), 44 Fulfillment, xvi, 8-13 Fully Human, Fully Alive (Powell), 4 G Gandhi, Mahatma, 43 Gates, Bill, 98, 200 GE, 30 GEARDA, 186 Gladwell, Malcolm, 96 Goals and goal setting, xvi, xvii, 123-135, 160-162, 195, 225-230 Nondirective approaches, 15-17 Disruptive questions, 74 Distracted questions, 73 Distractions, 84 E E, R, O equation, 200-207 Eat That Frog (Tracy), 241 Edison, Thomas, 53, 252 Ego states, 257-258 Eighth Habit, The (Covey), 12-13 Eikenberry, Kevin, 100-101 Einstein, Albert, 53, 54, 231 Emotional Intelligence (Goleman), 112 Empathy, 90-93 Empowerment, xiv, 13-17 directive vs

The exceptions to that rule are comparatively few, and I am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair To put it differently and perhaps mare clearly, people are honest and want to discharge their obligations

~~~~~~~ 11 - The Movies Do It " Principle 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives

But this time I was using dramatization, showmanship - and what a difference it made "I was presenting the same facts this time that I had presented previously

~~~~~~~ 12 - When Nothing Else Works, Try This Charles Schwab had a mill manager whose people weren't producing their quota of work " Principle 11 - Dramatize your ideas

"Many Thanksgivings have come and gone since I was ten, but one never passes without me remembering that particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear, loneliness and the warmth and tenderness of the stranger that somehow made it all bearable She played games with me, talked to me and stayed with me until I finally fell asleep

~~~~~~~ 2 - A Simple Way To Make A Good First Impression At a dinner party in New York, one of the guests, a woman who had inherited money, was eager to make a pleasing impression on everyone " If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind: Principle 1 Become genuinely interested in other people

Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them Give honest, sincere appreciation

~~~~~~~ 3 - "He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation

Principle 4 - Be a good listener Think of that the next time you start a conversation

~~~~~~~ 5 - How To Interest People Everyone who was ever a guest of Theodore Roosevelt was astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge Encourage others to talk about themselves

Henry: Thanks, Coach I will work on it tirelessly, and together we will handle this

—Eleanor Roosevelt PRINCIPLE 22 Awareness and Acceptance Cultivates Transformation Transformational coaching enables people to become aware of what stops them from getting going and what gets them going Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent

If you would like to learn even more powerful strategies and techniques for accelerating your clients' journeys to success, we suggest you read The Success Principles : How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer The next eight chapters will provide you with an explanation of why and how these techniques work, along with many sample achievers coaching questions that will get you started

—George Washington Carver If you observe the behaviors and thought patterns of people who achieve very little in life, you will notice one thing they have in common: They do not take full responsibility for the results that they produce OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 10 TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR RESULTS Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses

The stronger the level of ownership and commitment to the goal, the greater the achievement will be I can already feel your victory

—Jack Canfield and Angelina Cheong Once the overall goals of the person you are coaching have been clearly identified, work to help them identify the main strategies that they will employ to meet the goals —Jack Canfield and Peter Chee PRINCIPLE 26 Create Strategies and Action Plans for Goals Chunk down your goals with the right strategies and action steps and ensure that they are aligned to enable maximum achievement

But the scorecard tells what is happening The game plan tells you what you want to happen

—Jack Canfield and Peter Chee Sometimes when people begin to take action toward realizing their goals and objectives, they realize that the amount of effort and sacrifice required for them to get what they want is much more than they had anticipated —John Maxwell OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 8 ACCOUNTABILITY AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS PRINCIPLE 28 Support Goals Completion Continuously To maintain old habits requires little effort but to inculcate new habits requires support structures and persistency

Thank you, thank you You let me fly high against the sky, so high I almost touched the sky

—Mother Teresa OceanofPDF.com PART II SITUATIONAL COACHING MODEL (SCM) The Mind of a Coach OceanofPDF.com CHAPTER 9 THE SIX PARADIGMS OF SITUATIONAL COACHING A genius coach knows how to shift seamlessly from one conversational paradigm to another, to best meet the needs of the situation for optimum results With deepest gratitude, Henry There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread

If you give it pictures of a beautiful home, an adoring spouse, an exciting career and exotic vacations, it will go to work on manifesting those If you give your mind a $1 million problem, it will eventually come up with $1 million solutions

—it will manifest those too By contrast, if you are constantly feeding it negative, fearful, and anxious pictures—guess what?

On the other hand, here is an example of not being an empathic listener: Client: "I just lost 25 pounds " If you acknowledge the person in this way, he feels heard

" Coach: "I remember the first time I lost a lot of weight This is the first time in my life I've been able to lose the weight and keep it off

That is the attitude and the practice that is required of a good coach and leader We need to listen more and talk less

" He says, "Leaders listen, learn, and then lead In fact, John Maxwell, in his book Leadership Gold: Lessons I've Learned from a Lifetime of Leading, identified Lesson #1 as: "The best leaders are listeners

So when the client talks, let's listen to him fully and be truly present This allows for the breathing space that is needed every now and then by both the coach and the client

" If you are in a business meeting, be there Focus and Remove Distractions It has been said that the first rule of focus is this: "Wherever you are, be there

When the emotions are also evoked, more power, energy, and attachment are added The more we conduct them, the more we become chained to them and unable to stop them

" Spencer Johnson, in his book The Present: The Secret to Enjoying Your Work and Life, Now! This has an adverse effect on behavior, judgment, and general performance

After all, effective listening is an active rather than a passive activity If we are really listening intently, we should feel a bit tired after our speaker has finished

" The key to effective listening is to turn off the focus on ourselves and place it on the other person Abraham Lincoln, a great leader with excellent listening skills, once said, "When I am getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say and two-thirds about him and what he is saying

Then, when we speak or ask questions, this is revealed and the client feels wrongly judged We start looking for evidence to back up our judgment

" or "Don't you think you have been unfair to your staff? Questions such as, "How could you have been so gullible?

It is equally difficult to succeed if the coach listening to us—who's supposed to help us—cannot set aside his own needs, preconceived notions, and partiality in order to focus on the essence of what we are thinking, feeling, and needing It is difficult to succeed if we're talking to a boss who's already formed judgments and conclusions about us rather than keeping an open mind

" or "You must feel so good! In her online article, "The Power of Effective Listening," Jana Hollingsworth cited this example: If the speaker is telling you about how they just paid off their credit card debt, your empathic response would be something to the effect of, "That must be a huge relief!

Use deep listening alongside observation to identify strong emotions and reactions, as they could signal you that you need to go deeper with your client to bring new understanding to the surface When you hear something that you think could have significant implications, you respond by asking neutral and nonjudgmental questions to clarify and let your client come to his own realization about what he or she said

A client once told us that she was very motivated to complete her research project, but we observed that her tone of voice, gestures, and facial expression seemed to indicate a strong negative emotion rather than one of enthusiasm If what you are hearing and what you are observing are not consistent with one another, continue asking questions—there could be more things waiting to be discovered

Brooks also recommends that we mentally record what the other person is saying, then paraphrase or summarize what we heard them say just to check for understanding In fact, pretend that there is a quiz at the end of the other person's message, so listen intently and block out all interruptions and distractions

Also listen "between-the-lines"—that is, to the words that are left unsaid— and be responsive to the other person If needed, ask for clarification; offer feedback as appropriate

A break will give you a chance to refresh and organize your thoughts It's also a good idea to a take a short five-or ten-minute bathroom and water break halfway through a dialogue, rather than grinding on for an hour or more nonstop

Asking too many questions too quickly does not allow people the breathing space they need to understand the question properly or to think of the answer Bombarding Questions The speed at which coaches ask questions also affects the tone of the discussion

When we verbalize our thoughts to someone else, someone who is listening, we also listen to ourselves talking and we think more clearly and confidently than we do alone When they do that, their confidence levels increase and new insights surface

Author and speaker Brian Tracy says, "Listening builds trust, the foundation of all lasting relationships When you listen to people rather then tell them what to do, you send a message that tells them that they are important, you believe in them, and they are capable

Before you start to coach, set all these aside These can include: Noise Other people talking E-mails and text messages Telephone ringing or vibrating Room temperature too hot or too cold Room too dark or too bright Your list of other work may be in front of you, your door may be open with people walking in and out, you might have rushed in to the appointment, or you might be thinking of another task that you need to complete

Do take time before each conversation to relax and clear your mind of any other issues not pertaining to the coaching and get ready to fully focus Are you hungry, thirsty, tired, stressed, or worried?

Does he feel stupid that he's no longer doing the work he was previously employed in? What does the word "stupid" mean to him?

Does he feel dumb for reducing his prospects of getting a future job because people will know that he was fired? Or does that part not matter and it's only the fact that money isn't coming in that's stupid?

" When the company was bought by another group, the new CEO, who had been educated in Malaysia and Australia, told managers that "the future of leaders would depend on their ability to coach and develop other leaders I felt bad about this and wanted to do something about it, but I did not know how

In fact, the staff turnover in his area was the highest in the whole company " A companywide survey showed that Daniel was one of the managers who failed to grow other employees

Your mind cannot be somewhere else while your physical body is present For coach and client to hold one another mutually accountable in a coaching session, the coach must be present not just physically but mentally and emotionally

In the course of our everyday activities, whether in the office, at home or whenever we are with someone, we have a tendency to drift away from the present moment Being truly present means paying attention and being fully available to the person you are coaching

Do you remember them from when you were a kid? Do these words sound familiar to you?

In the workplace, telling others what to do is the command-and- control style of management Parenting entailed a lot of "telling you what to do" at home by your parents and at school by your teachers

Observation consists of receiving knowledge of the outside world through the senses Our coaching sessions became instrumental in her eventually pursuing a career as a successful actress

Input is received via sound, sight, smell, taste, or touch and then analyzed through either rational or irrational thought It is the process of filtering sensory information through the thought process

Leaders who listen can identify prospective trouble spots before they become bigger issues We also run the risk of letting small problems escalate into big ones

It lessens arguments, reduces stress, and shows others that we care Listening positively impacts not only the quality of our work but also the quality of our relationships

During the coaching conversation, avoid thinking of what solutions are needed to the client's problem and what question to ask next This is true even if your thoughts are related to the coaching experience itself

It's all right to pause for a moment to think about the next question before proceeding When the person has finished, acknowledge him and let the next question come naturally

A man came and sat beside her, opened his magazine and began reading She found a place to sit and to read her new book

She was annoyed, but said nothing When she took a cookie from the packet beside her, the man took one also

The man had been so kind to share his cookies with her and even gave her half of the last cookie She had forgotten that she had put her cookies in her handbag

She was the cookie thief herself! There was no opportunity to explain herself or to apologize

How do we avoid doing this? This common "sin" in coaching will cause us to make mistakes

Step back and look at what the information really is, not what we are inferring from it The first step is to become aware when we are jumping to premature conclusions

So let's be present and turn off our inner dialogue That focus and concentration leads to your success

Successful people control their inner dialogues Indeed, our presence is truly a present to the people we coach

As coaches we need to practice and hone our ability to observe, to notice even subtle clues to what might be happening inside our clients' heads He gets a sense of what is going on, what is said and what is not said, and uses that to ask further without judging or jumping to any conclusion

There are many brain processes, preconceptions, judgments, and even beliefs that can interfere with observing Observation is not as simple as it seems

Quality time is not measured by the amount of time spent with a person, but by the degree to which we focus our attention on their spoken and unspoken words How can we show that we care for someone when we are not giving them our full attention?

They want our undivided attention As coaches, our clients need us to be in the "here and now," rather than somewhere else

This behavior will strain our relationships with them We are analyzing people based on our preconceived values and beliefs

They will most likely respond to judgment with defensiveness, withdrawal, or even anger, thereby eroding the level of trust and respect in the coaching relationship For our clients, feeling judged will prevent them from expressing themselves freely and moving forward

"I knew I had to force myself to change or I would become extinct in the company "This was a serious wake-up call for me," Daniel recalls

This laid a strong foundation, and the CEO began to coach me himself for a couple of hours every two weeks Fortunately, my CEO, who was a well-trained coach, sent me to a good coach training institution

Thus, it is always necessary to check our perceptions that influence the way we interpret what we see or hear Each one of us views the same thing differently depending on our backgrounds, our beliefs, and our values

This will affect the gathering of data and information during coaching We have our own filters when we make observations and choose what we want to receive

Let's get our judgments out of the way and be mentally and fully present with our clients So what are we waiting for?

This will provide an opportunity for people to talk through their problems so they can clarify their thinking as well as provide a necessary emotional release Let's realize that everyone sees things differently and the gift that we can give to our clients is empathic listening

(Asking questions and curiosity were dealt with in the previous chapter When that happens, you need to use deep listening, observation, and intuition to make sense of crucial information, carry on asking great questions, and use your curiosity until your client discovers new insight

We call this the "Crucial Conversational Process ) Here is an equation that serves as a model to help you conceptualize a very important process that takes place during an effective coaching conversation

This stream of external information and thought is so constant that we barely even notice it Our mind goes wondering about something that happened yesterday, about a report or an assignment to complete for the boss, or about what we have to do tomorrow

We have to be in the present and be aware of what's going on in our surroundings To be present means using our senses to constantly scan the environment, to be fully aware of the emotional state and facial expressions of others

Will we still be present and turn off our inner dialogue? Will we still listen intently to our client?

We may find ourselves selectively listening only to the things that we want to listen to in order to back up and confirm our assumptions Most likely not

Finally, there was only one cookie left, and she wanted to know what the man would do Every time she took one, the man would take one as well

What arrogance! The man took the last cookie, broke it into two halves and offered her one half

In the short exercise below, the words are covered so you can only see part of each letter Have you ever observed another person's actions and assumed that you knew what they were going through?

What do you think they say? Try to read them anyway

I never realized how liberating and empowering coaching could be because I never received such good coaching and training before in my life I am glad he gave me a chance to improve and cared about my career development and enrichment

When he found out that asking effective questions and listening was the cornerstone of coaching, he began to learn what it took to listen well and to ask good questions " After Daniel experienced the power of coaching, he knew what he had to do for the people who reported to him and the people he coached

Take the trouble to check that you are asking the client a question that they can and should answer " might be suitable for people who you are mentoring or consulting rather than someone being coached

When he started to learn how to coach, he had no idea that asking the right questions was so important CASE STUDY: DANIEL'S STORY As a factory manager in a garment factory in Toronto, Daniel was well trained in giving clear instructions and asking questions as a superior to check if things were going as they should

We all feel better when we feel listened to and understood The need to be listened to is a deep social need

When people do not listen to us, we feel ignored, misunderstood, alone, and insignificant When someone cares enough to listen to what we have to say, we feel appreciated and important

If you don't use this skill much, you'll forget how to do it Sadly, that's not the case with asking great questions

When the flame of your curiosity burns brightly, and your question-asking muscles are kept well toned, you can lift more weight off the shoulders of the people you coach and let them stand tall, rejoicing in the discovery of greater achievements Maintaining this ability is more like training our muscles: We need to work on them regularly to keep them in shape

" Notice that this listener has completely ignored the speaker's "win" and turned the focus back on himself I was so happy until the pounds starting creeping back on

When the focus stays on the client, though, both people share a more meaningful exchange He's emphasized that he's more interested in himself than in the client

Instead of being isolated or withdrawn, they're walking alongside their people, listening to them For great leaders, there's no such thing as being lonely at the top

When we fail to listen, we miss a valuable learning opportunity " Listening is indeed the best way to learn

" People know when we have truly and empathically listened "You were the only one who cared about what we were saying

When we listen and start making judgments about things in our mind, we lose our objectivity When we listen only in order to take sides, whether in favor of our client or another party, we lose focus on listening

If the coach jumps to premature conclusions and doesn't ask, he risks not understanding the client, and the coaching process won't work Or does he feel stupid because his wife said he was stupid when she found out he'd lost his job?