Interpersonal Communication in Romantic and Family Relationships

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supportiveness

a person's feeling of assurance that others care about and will protect him or her

evaluative feedback

a reply that offers an assessment of what the speaker has said or done

non-evaluative feedback

a reply that withholds assessment of what the speaker has said or done

endorsment

a signal that you agree with what another person has said

interdependence

a state in which each person's behavior affects everyone else in the relationship

dialectical tensions

conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires

control vs. problem orientation

control oriented messages manipulate others to act only a specific way, problem oriented messages encourage collaboration and creative thinking

conflict-avoiding couples

deal with disagreement indirectly rather than openly (ex: "agree to disagree, believe most conflicts will resolve themselves)

predictability

desire for consistency and stability

openness

desire for disclosure and honesty

novelty

desire for fresh, new experiences

connection

desire to be close to others

evaluation vs. description

evaluative messages express an opinion on the value or worth of another person's behaviors. Descriptive messages provide detail about the person's behaviors without passing judgement

defensivness

excessive concern with guarding oneself against the threat of criticism

hostile couples

experience frequent and intense conflict (harsh tones of voice, name calling, blaming, etc)

Do intimate relationship have higher or lower interdependence?

higher

blamer

holds others responsible for whatever goes wrong

impervious response

ignoring that someone is there

offer support

included sharing your perceptions of the situation and confirming the validity of the problem

paraphrase

repeating what someone has said in your own words

rituals

repetitive behaviors that have special meaning for group or relationship

irrelevant response

replying to someone's message with a completely unrelated statement

interdependent couples

see themselves as being interdependent of social expectations for marriage

intimacy

significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship

separate couples

similar to traditional couples except that the spouses are autonomous rather than interdependent

experimenting stage

stage of relationship development when individuals have conversations to learn more about each other, identity management, small talk, search for common ground

strategy vs. spontaneity

strategic messages withhold info in an attempt to control the listener, spontaneous messages express thoughts and desires openly and honestly

traditional couples

take a culturally conventional approach to marriage, gender typical divisions

volatile couples

talk about disagreements openly, but in a way that is competitive rather than cooperative (ex: trying to persuade other to see their point of view)

validating couples

talk about their disagreements openly and cooperatively (ex: stay calm, defuse tension)

closedness

the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, ideas to oneself

communication climate

the emotional tone of a relationship

family of origin

the family in which one grows up in (parents and siblings)

family of procreation

the family one starts as an adult (spouse and children)

autonomy

the feeling of wanting to be one's own person

divorce

the legal discontinuation of a marriage

recognition

the most basic act of confirmation is to recognize that another person exists and is worthy of your attention

bonding stage

the of relationship development when the partners publicly announce their committment

placater

the peacemaker who will go any length to reduce conflict

investment

the resources we put into our relationships

In what relationship stage is contact minimized?

Avoiding Stage

In what relationship stage is there physical and communication separation? (ignoring)

Avoiding Stage

In what relationship stage is there a public display of commitment? (engagement, marriage, commitment ceremonies)

Bonding Stage

In what relationship stage is there boundaries and nothing to talk about?

Circumscribing Stage

In what relationship stage to interactants reduce the scope of their contact and commitment to another and limit the relationship?

Circumscribing Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants notice differences rather than similarities?

Differentiating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants reestablish their individual identities?

Differentiating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants have small talk?

Experimenting Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants search for common ground?

Experimenting Stage

In what relationship stage is there identity management?

Experimenting Stage

In what relationship stage is there an increased amount of contact?

Intensifying Stage

In what relationship stage is the relationship over?

Terminating Stage

commitment

a desire to stay in a relationship

What do invest into relationships?

-time -energy -attention -other resources

Types of Dialectical Tensions

-autonomy vs. connection -openness vs. closedness -predictability vs. novelty

Intimate Relationships Require:

-deep commitment -foster independence -continuous investment -spark dialectical tensions

Types of Committment:

-emotional commitment -social commitment -legal and financial commitment

Dimensions of Intimacy

-emotional intimacy -physical -intellectual -shared activites

Characteristics of Romantic Relationships

-exclusivity -voluntariness -love -sexuality -permanence

Types of families

-family of origin -family of procreation

Communication Issues in Families:

-family roles -family rituals -family stories -family secrets

What makes a family?

-genetic ties -legal obligations -role behaviors

Types of Disconfirming Messages:

-impervious response -verbal abuse -generalize complaining -irrelevant response -impersonal response

What are Strategies of Intensifying a Relationship?

-increased contact -relationship negotiation -social support -definition bids -affection tokens

Types of non-evaluative feedback:

-probe -paraphrase -offer support

Types of Evaluative Feedback

-provide praise -criticize constructively

Types of Confirming Messages

-recognition -acknowledgement -endorsement

Types of couples when dealing with conflict

-validating couples -volatile couples -conflict avoiding couples -hostile couples

4 Family Roles in Conflict

1. blamer 2. placater 3. computer 4. distacter

10 Main Reasons Couples Come Apart

1. bored with relationship 2. differences in interests 3. desire to be independent 4. differences in background 5. conflicting ideas about sex 6. conflicting ideas about marriage 7. living too far apart 8. interest in someone else 9. differences in intelligence 10. pressure from parents

Steps of Ending a Relationship:

1. differentiating 2. circumscribing 3. stagnating 4. avoiding 5. terminating

6 Types of Messages That Promote Defensiveness:

1. evaluation vs. description 2. control vs. problem orientation 3. strategy vs. spontaneity 4. neutrality vs. empathy 5. superiority vs. equality 6. certainty vs. provisionalism

Knapp's Relationship Stages

1. initiating 2. experimenting 3. intensifying 4. integrating 5. bonding

In what relationship stage are interactants highly polite and conventional?

Initiating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants express intersest in one another?

Initiating Stage

In what relationship stage do you first meet?

Initiating Stage

In what relationship stage is the POV Theory

Initiating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants begin to take on a single identity?

Integrating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants need relational identity?

Integrating Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants present themselves as a couple?

Integrating Stage

In what relationship stage are nicknames and terms of endearment?

Intensifying Stage

In what relationship stage do interactants move from acquaintances to close friends?

Intensifying Stage

In what relationship stage is breadth and depth increased for self-disclosure?

Intensifying Stage

verbal abuse

an overt form of disconfirming message that involves using words to hurt people emotionally and psychologically

probe

asking questions that will give you more info about what the person is experiencing, asking specific rather than general quesitions

computer

attempts to use logic and reason, rather than emotion, to diffuse the situation

Equity Theory

balancing is essential for the success of the relationship

disconfirming messages

behaviors that imply a lack of regard for another person

confirming messages

behaviors that indicate how much we value another person

generalized complaining

complaints that indict the other person's value or character ("Why cant you be a better sister?")

distracter

makes random irrelevant comments so the rest of the family will forget the conflict

certainty vs. provisionalism

messages of certainty offer inflexible conclusions with no room for debate, provisional messages offer ideas flexibly in hope of generating diolouge

superiority vs. equality

messages of superiority encourage division and "us versus them" mentality, messages of equality emphasize inclusiveness and minimize status differences between people

acknowledgement

more positive form of confirmation is to acknowledge another persons' thoughts and feelings

neutrality vs. empathy

neutral statements imply a lack of concern for the well being of others, empathic statements convey concern for what others are feeling experiencing

integrating stage

the stage of relationship development when a deep commitment has formed, and there's a strong sense that the relationship has it's own identity, relational identity

intensifying stage

the stage of relationship development when individuals move from being acquaintances to be close friends

initiating stage

the stage of relationship development when people meet and interact for the first time, POV theory

circumscribing stage

the stage of relationship dissolution characterized by decreased quality and quantity of communication between partners

differentiating stage

the stage of relationship dissolution when partners begin to see their differences as undesirable or annoying

avoiding stage

the stage of relationship dissolution when partners create physical and emotional distance between themselves

terminating stage

the stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship is deemed to be officially over

stagnating stage

the stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship stops growing and the partners are barely communicating with each other

communication privacy management theory

theory that explains how people manage the tension between privacy and disclosure

impersonal response

when you reply to someone's words with a cliche that conveys no real empathy


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